“ I am interested in people, as a concept” What an absolute mood!

My mom thought I was a lesbian for the longest time before I knew that there was a word for asexuality so I relate to this so much. Quiet queerness is the perfect phrase since I have found that the online Ace community to be pretty toxic at times so I typically don't get to talk about it much with anyone. I am so happy that this video exists. I swear, it's like looking into a mirror.

You perfectly described how having "a crush" while asexual is. I would look around at people who I spent a little bit of time with and say "they seem good enough" and say they were my crush.

My son is Ace. I am totally accepting of it. Other family members using the same "oh you haven't found the right person's" reasons on him, I want to smack them. Let him be. Thanks for sharing your story. 💜

I'm so happy you shared this. This was a very well put together explanation of asexuality. Thank you

This was a very nice video. I am an heretosexual woman, a feminist and an anarchist and my whole life, from everyone I hear that my interest ( I make garments, jewelry, bags, hats) about clothes contradicts anarchism and feminism, since it is because I want to attract men, which is not. So, I am very pleased to hear that a woman on the other side of the planet also spends a lot of personal time for creating an elegant appearence, and she definately does no do it for attracting erotic partners. I knew it all along: women have an inclination in finding and creating beauty just for themselves.😊.

Hi! Thanks for this! It feels nice to not be alone. I do have a person (who also ids as ace) that is my... life partner? For lack of better words. We have long term plans to grow old together. But it’s really hard to get people to understand. When necessary we just use “girlfriends” but that has lead to my family to decide to refer to me as a lesbian. I have no problems with lesbians but misidentification is frustrating... It’s also hard to explain I experience what I refer to as “aesthetic attraction” where I find someone really artistically appealing to look at... but I still have 0 desire to have sex with them. Sometimes I just refer to myself as queer to avoid questions. Especially since my gender identity isn’t... clear. It’s difficult since people decide I must be confused when I do try to explain. But I am not confused about what I experience. I just lack the words. Imagine having to explain heterosexuality without the words.

After feeling confused and out of place for so long I've come to the conclusion that I'm demisexual. I can enter a room and tell if there's someone I find attractive, but it doesn't mean I want or can act on it. Friends and family always tell me to relax and look around, that I'm just being shy, but while shyness is also part of who I am, I can't seem to be sexually involved unless I spend time and build a relationship with someone. I've been called a prude plenty of times, but I'm not hindered either by morality or religion, I don't see anything wrong in meeting a person and feel there and then that you desire them, it's just not me. I don't know if it's different with same sex relationships, but my experience is that I almost never find someone who'll wait for me to be interested, it almost always ends up months later with an awkward conversation where I finally have some interest and the guy in question admits puzzled that he had no idea that I was interested in the first place, and that's because I really wasn't before. Long story short lots of single life, which I honestly don't mind. Thanks for this video! I have to say that it feels good to talk about it.

Thank you for sharing this! There is sadly not a lot of ace representation out there, though it`s been getting better lately and not in the least thanks to awesome creators like you! I know it`s silly but high school was tough (same for many aces, I guess). I heard a lot from both my so-called school friends as well as bullies then that it`s not that I don`t want anyone, it`s just really no one would want me cos I`m fat and ugly and awkward and I know it. So even now (though I am a grown woman who has been romanticly attracted to both men and women and even dated some of them) I still catch myself sometimes on having these awful thoughts and seeing such beautiful and talented people like you coming out as ace means a lot to me. Thank you.

Stumbled across this completely randomly (well, not really cause I also sew) but... as an ace person... this is... just really, really comforting for me. Thank you for putting into words the things I struggle to say.

thank you for sharing about yourself and about yet another facet of the beautiful and mysteriously complexity of being human!

I find the phrase 'quiet queerness' resonates with me. I will tuck it into my life like a bookmark and gaze upon it whenever I open the pages of my sexuality for a little reading.

I struggled alone for a long time without really understanding what ace was. I knew I wasn’t like “normal” people. But when I was younger there was no information. I spent my whole yearly adult life wanting to be like everyone else. I come from a very traditional family where I was expected to get married and have kids etc. it was hard. But last year I watched your video about it and something clicked and I knew I was ace. It’s a relief to finally know who you are and know your not broken, you were born this way and that’s okay. But it still scary sometimes. There is a lot of pressure from society to fit in. Some days I struggle to except I’m different and some days I am happy I am. It’s all a learning experience and it’s getting easier. Thank you xx

I appreciate you sharing about this! It's true that Ace rep is not the most present so it always helps to know that you're not alone ☺️

I’ve watched lots of your sewing videos and this one just popped up in my feed, even though it is old. Some of the comments here say people have been mean or the Ace community has been toxic, etc. There is just no place for meanness and I’m a bit appalled that a very small group of people having such private things in common would be mean to each other. thank you for being open and explaining things so nicely and even with a bit of humor. (I find humor in lots of your videos- you are just very subtle about it, and are very funny sometimes.) The only advice I would ever say is continue to be yourself and try not to ever let stupid mean people bother you. You are a beautiful and lovely person and you spend time making videos that help people, so sexuality is irrelevant. I hope you are happy and doing well this year!

I know this video is old but in the spirit of pride month coming up...I came out as Ace in 2020/2021 Honestly, realizing it was the most freeing thing and I felt like this huge weight was lifted off of me. I learned so much about myself and finally feel like 'me' and that there wasn't something 'wrong' with me. Thank you for sharing

"I'm one of those special snowflakes you've heard so much about." How absolutely lovely!!

I was so relieved when I discovered I was asexual and that there was an "official" label for how I am. Thank you for sharing your experience in a frank and open way. If someone wants to understand where I stand in the rainbow of sexuality, I'm playing them your video!

"Quiet queerness" Yesss! That is such a good summary! (and with alliteration, no less!)

I know I'm late to the party, but I only just got this video in my recommends. Thank you so much for posting this. It means a lot to me to see other people proud of their asexuality. It can feel really isolating figuring it out when you're younger and not knowing what an adult life looks like when you aren't dating or getting married. It's so, so reassuring to see someone like you happy and successful. Also, "they have a nice face I guess" is an absolute mood. I straight up believed people when they told me I had a crush on someone bc they seemed to know more about how that stuff worked than I did

So I've been watching your channel for ages. I absolutely love your costuming videos and rewatch them frequently. I'd never run across this particular video before, and I literally found it by accident tonight. And I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being so awesome and beautifully dressed and fabulous. I'm ace. I went along with the sex thing for years because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. And I got my son out of it so I can live with the fact that I did something that made me feel gross for years - he's amazing and I'd never regret it. Still after I finally realized that it truly wasn't something that I needed or wanted in my life, I was so much happier. But realizing that I never wanted to attract anyone sort of led to me constantly living in sweatpants for years on end (well, that and single parenting ayoung child and having no energy to doll myself up ever). There was this feeling of "why do I need to bother?" which ended up with me developing some kind of dysphoria to the point that I don't even recognise myself in photos. Your channel, and the amazing things you make and your awesome makeup whenever you're in front of the camera has really been a huge inspiration to me to kind of get my shit together when in comes to my appearance - not in a conventionally "well-dressed" kind of way, things I actually like and not because I wanted to get someone to like me. Finding out that you're ace as well and you dress like that because YOU like it is just indescribably awesome somehow. Sorry if this make no sense, if you actually see this random comment on a three year old video, but running across this made me really happy and I just wanted to try and put it into words.

thank you so much for posting!!! This is a great video that I'm definitely going to use in the future as I explain my own asexuality to others in my life!! Also what you said about arbitrarily picking a crush throughout your life is literally me, so thank you for helping me feel like I'm not alone!!

People need to mind their own business! Let’s look out how we treat each other and honor each other. Thank you girl.

Can i just say that i'm so happy right now?? I am asexual too and i subscribed to your videos a while ago because i love the vintage style and your videos are amazing, but this was a nice surprise haha Thank you for making such a good informative video on the subject and also for all of the awesome vintage content. Oh, and happy pride month!

Think you’re incredibly honest and you know who you are and that’s incredible...society labels people with terms and definitions and we don’t all fit in the same box. Had heard the term ‘asexual or pansexual’ however didn’t know what it meant. Glad to have a better understanding from a persons point of view. As a heterosexual woman, I feel attraction to men and honestly that can be frustrating at times. Especially if attracted to someone who is physically attractive to me but doesn’t have qualities that compliment me in a partner. That happened recently. Was fortunate I had the strength and didn’t fulfill a need with him lol. Not easy though. Your channel is lovely and I’ve learned a lot about vintage and vintage style from you. ☀️🌹 Looking forward to more videos about anything you’d like to post about. Wish you lived in Canada or I was close by to you so we could go for a tea/coffee together. You’d be a delight to chat with. Hugs from Ontario 😄

Your point at 6:45 really hit home. I'm a bisexual trans man- I like people and I defy the normal idea of gender. I do things that would reasonably upset cis straight people. But getting mad at asexual or aromatic people makes no sense. Like??? They're mad because...you're not having sex? You're not intoanyone? What a strange hill to die on.

Thank you for making this video. I love your matter-of-fact delivery in all of your videos. I learned something new today!

Thank you so, so much for this video! The joy in finding a fellow aspec person in one of the loveliest corners of the internet can’t really be expressed with words ❤️

Giiiiirrrl! How awesome is this!? I just found your channel yesterday when researching everyday vintage style and then you post this video. I have been trying to learn a bit more about ace/aro identities, partly just to educate myself and partly because I think I might identify somewhere on that spectrum. I've been doing training and organising for my local Pride parade this week too (for a community group I'm involved with) and I think that's why I'm thinking about it more. My experience isn't quite like yours but it is so great to hear you talk about it. Happy Pride month!

I originally found your channel thanks to my current sewing journey, but this video just popped up in my recommended list today, and I’m so glad it did. I just wanted to say thank you, as a fellow ace, for sharing your experience. It resonates so much with me. I truly appreciate you shedding some light on the reality that some of us are truly quietly queer. ❤

this video is such a damn mood, as an asexual. "that person has a nice face I guess"

Thanks for sharing! I'm demi and I feel like ace/demi people are usually expected to be androgynous so seeing someone traditionally (vintagely) feminine is awesome.

I didn't find out that such a thing as asexuality existed until I was in my late twenties, and even then it took a few years to apply the label to myself. I think my teenage years/early twenties would have been a lot less stressful, had I known about this. Less "What's wrong with me? I'm 22/25/27 and have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend". I'm much more settled in my own skin now, at 33, than back then. So thank you for this video, visibility is SO important.

Thanks for being so open. I am an older cis white woman married to a man for 26 years. I listen to people sharing their truth while noticing what comes up in my brain in response from my own inculturation. I love that you don’t consider this your problem.

Ace solidarity high five! A friend sent me your channel as I'm barely beginning sewing and am falling down many vintage/historical clothing rabbit holes, and it was so refreshing to watch one of your more recent videos and hear you talk so casually about how you view relationships/how comfortable you feel on your own. I hope you have a lovely day!

This is wonderful and so helpful. I will definitely be sharing this with my fellow teachers and school staff. What a gift to share this! Thank you! Also, love your vintage projects. You are a force of nature!

Bianca sometimes I feel im asexual too. However, I been sexually attracted to guys in the past so I dont know if that makes me a true asexual. I feel im more demisexual which means I can only see myself sleeping with someone I have a strong connection with which I never had. Im almost 26 and never had a relationship. I dont want to ever get married or have kids so I took a vow of celibacy. If i die a virgin, its not a big deal. I dont know why society thinks its a big deal to live a sexless life. Its not for everyone. Relationships are filled with drama so good thing for us, we dont have to deal with any games. I havent had a crush on anybody for about 3 years now. I see attractive men all the time, but have no desire to pursue anything. Just know your not alone. Asexuality is more common than we think. And theirs nothing wrong with it. Im so fed up with guys and their games that I choose to take myself out of the dating world. Im petrified of rejection. I gone thru it my whole life that I dont want to deal with it anymore. I identify with strait celibate. I lost all desire to have a relationship.

What a great and honest video! I have teenagers and my husband and I have noticed that they are so much more accepting of all people and appreciate differences than my era (graduated HS in ´87) did.. That is so refreshing and gives me hope in people. I’m so glad that more and more ‘people are sharing what makes them different. It’s the heart that counts and that’s what I taught my kids. Thanks for doing this. It’s so brave and wonderful. Lara Morrow (I flipped over to my thrift and flip channel)

Love that you were open and felt comfortable talking about this! Asexuality is definitely an under represented sexuality that more people need educated about.

Ace QUEEN I feel so represented right now. I really appreciate you sharing this.

You are who you are, & as long as you are content - that's the great identifier. Thanks for sharing & continue to confidently enjoy your life!

Thank you that very down-to-earth and clear explanation. You appear to be happy and I hope that is true. Happy Pride month to you as well.

THANK YOU! Great to hear you open up about this concept.

So happy to see some representation of us asexuals in you! And it was a lovely video that I definitely wished I could have seen when I was still trying to figure out what was "wrong" with me even though nothing was wrong! Thank you for this!

This video took a lot of courage, well done, and well explained. Good on you!

Happy Pride month! Thank you for being open. I don't feel weird with my asexuality, glad to know I am not alone. Thank you Thank you!! Love you channel!

Loooooove your confidence... I absolutely hate the tropes that you've just not met the right person yet, or that you must've been traumatised at some point. Thank you for sharing this!!!

The second I saw this video in my sub box, my heart was filled with so much joy! I too am a vintage loving ace! You cover asexuality and what it's like to be a-spec beautifully in this video, will definitely be sharing this video with others to explain asexuality to help them understand what it is like. Thank you so much for making this video and I look forward to any potential future videos on this subject (but I look forward to all your videos so no pressure 💜)

Thank you for explaining asexuality so clearly. I know a girl who identifies herself as such and I wasn’t exactly sure what it was all about, so this helps a lot! I love it, that you felt secure and safe to share this with your online community. We’re here for you. ❤️Happy Pride month!

okay why am i just seeing this video? but thank you for this! seeing queer people out and talking about their queerness is so important. I'm bi (i describe my attraction as mostly women and nonbinary people and like 1 type of man) and somewhere on the ace spectrum (demi? greyace? the world may never know) so big solidarity!

I love your sense of humor in this presentation 😂 I like the way you speak. It makes sense you are a writer.

Thank you for opening your private life and sharing this topic. I have always been a a firm believer that descriptives don't matter when it comes to love. The soul is who you are attracted to, and souls don't read the labels. ☮️❤️😻

I applaud you! It is really rare for me to find people as attractive but I do from time to time.

Very interesting, Bianca, thanks for explaining the concept of asexuality., which is not my experience but we're all individuals and deserve respect. I wish you a happy pride month, and a happy life altogether. You are you, and it sounds as though you are comfortable with that now, which is fantastic x

I think I needed this today. I'm still trying to figure myself out; though for a while I've known I fall somewhere on the ace spectrum, sometimes it just feels like a part of me that exists as static and not in the real world, like I should be broadcasting something more clearly and the static is just there making noise where there should be something else? Kind of like the part at the start where the audio and visual were glitchy! Lockdown has been wearing me down in more ways than one, so to have someone talk about this so clearly and matter of fact-ly (is that a word? Can't remember right now) helped ground me today, so thank you for that. I've watched some of your other uploads in passing, but this is the one that made me hit subscribe.

A fellow ace!! I'm so glad Karolina recommended your channel, seeing ace creators makes me so happy.

Your description of how you don’t feel sexual attraction is exactly how I have always felt, but I have never been able to put it into words as well as that. Thank you so much for this video!

Thanks for this video, I'm glad you decided to put this out there for internet consumption! I could definitely relate to a lot of what you were saying. It's tough, I haven't identified as ace even though I've never been in a relationship or on a date with anyone or been motivated to seek this out. The few times I've been pursued by someone were really unsettling to me, like the guy was perfectly fine and my friends encouraged me to try going on a date and all I kept thinking was "I don't want this random guy to come take me away from my friends!" or in the case of being hit on, it's more that I don't feel anything and think "Why is this *stranger* touching me?" I have an atypical life in other ways so it does make me wonder if I was more socially engaged in general, I'd have come across some sort of relationship I want. I *still* ask myself if maybe I'm lesbian and don't realize it! I've definitely been glad for "queer" as an umbrella term because I've never found identifying to be very straightforward. It feels hard to be sure about the *lack* of something, even though I'm clearly not on the same page as most people. But also I can't help but think that maybe if asexuality was more accepted as a possible choice, it would be easier for me to say that's where I fit.

Thank you for being so open and for explaining asexuality and aromantics! I wish you the very best and hope all the commenters here will meet you with the same openness, kindness and decency (but so far the comments look good). also: big fan of your channel! Have a nice weekend!

I'm learning lots about LGBTQIA2S+ at the moment... and... it raises questions for me personally about stuff that I always took for granted... Thank you for sharing.

A breath of fresh air, thank you for your honesty and intelligence. We live in a world where sex is literally in your face at every turn, and it makes me queasy with revolt and annoyance! Who needs a bleedin label anyway, we are what we are!

Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with us. I bet it was at least a little bit scary - it is the internet after all. I don't feel like I 'see you in a different light' like some people sometimes say. As a 'normie' myself, others sexuality has never been a big deal to me. You're Bianca, this is just a part of who you are, like wearing vintage and writing a book. But I can see in the comments that this connects to a lot of the audience, so kudos for making them feel less alone.

I was already in love with your channel and now I discover you’re a fellow ace gurl! People find it confusing because I am married, and I always have to explain that being ace doesn’t mean you can’t experience romantic attraction and fall in love.

Bianca, you are lovely! Thank you for being authentic, perhaps it will help others as well!

Jupp, as another ace person you described my experience perfectly! I totally didn't know people could be attracted to someone and want to do something about it. I am aware on a objective level that someone is attractive, but that doesn't do anything for me😄

Thank you so much for talking about this. My teen daughter identifies as asexual and struggles with the misconceptions and ignorance of the general public. And as an overtly sexual woman (I enjoy sex for the sheer intimacy of it) I sometimes struggle with how to help her. I think it's so important that others discuss their own experience so that others know they are not alone. Thank you for being honest and brave....and yes, I plan on showing her this video.

Just found this video of yours and wanted to let you know I really appreciated it. I am bisexual, which seems hard enough for people to understand. I felt this was a very astute and clear way of discussing your experience. It definitely gave me a deeper appreciation and understanding.

I love this video- it is so authentic, and great as a message to people about embracing their own reality and living an honest life.

I didnt learn what Asexual was until I was 50. I have since learned that Im an aromantic Ace. I never dated (unless forced into a blind date). Glad to know another Ace out there!

Thank you for this, this topic is something that could have been beneficial to myself and millions of others of my generation. Being conditioned to grow up and get married have children and so on was something many of us did as we thought this was expected of us. Some of us just didn't fit the mould and now we are settled and accepting of ourselves in a new socially accepted mould.

Thanks for sharing! I’m glad to know more about you 🌼

!!!!! wow i'm late to the party but happy to be here! with so little ace representation out there is rare to see an experience exactly like your own, even less with someone who shares the same hobby !!!!! any time i wished i had a date was just too have the occasion to dress up hahah like yeah i'm just interest in looking cute , i'm attracted to me being pretty that's it

wow ... thankyou so much for being so open. love you being a "special snowflake!" I have learnt something today , thanks to you x

This was fascinating! Your explanation was informative and interesting. I'm pansexual/pan romantic and after hearing your views, I wish I was asexual. It just seems less complicated. I also admire your guts to publicly place this out here. Happy Pride month to you! 🌈

Never smashed a subscribe button so fast. Hurray for ace visibility!

I laughed at your " Special Snowflake " comment and had to quickly prevent myself from spewing forth the beverage in my mouth, Not in a Bad Way!! it was just funny and I love that moniker, I can relate to everything you're saying. I needed a smile today and you certainly helped. Thanks Snowflake for brightening my little dark corner of the universe

Thank you for sharing and explaining. Most people just react out of ignorance!

Hi!❤ So I used this video to come out to a couple of friends today, and while it didn't go as well as I'd hoped, being able to show this video and not really having to explain everything myself really helped. Thank you!!

Thank you for sharing this with us

I've heard of asexuality but never really understood the meaning. So pleased you shared with us all just what it means! I have learnt something new today, for that I thank you doll. You look stunning as usual, oh & errr, can I please have your hair? :-)) Always a joy! Xxx

I have been following you for several months now, and I had no idea you were Asexual! That’s awesome! I am a 34 y/o hetero-demi-romantic ace myself.

Straight people are so limiting. Everything tips their world views. I'm demi and actually thankful for it. It makes understanding what you do and don't want very clear and it's liberating :) Thank you for sharing!

You explain asexuality so intelligently and completely....thank you! Ace here, too...

You could sit with David Rose (Schitt’s Creek) and provide education to the masses on how diverse people really are. Thank you for being so open.

Fascinating! Ut oh, watch out! Looks like you’re doing “adult life stuff” 😉 pretty darn well. I LOVE your individuality. This is going to sound like I’m blowing smoke here, but one of the reasons I watch/listen to your channel is you’re helping me with the “adult life stuff”. I’m 53 yrs old, married for 33 years with 5 grown boys and 6 grandkids. You would think living such a “normal” life that I wouldn’t care what people think. But I have always cared more for what others thought of me than what I thought of me. I’m going on a bit much but, in conclusion lol, thank you for letting me borrow your courage until mine is well rooted!

I have been watching you for a while, and for whatever reason this video showed up on my main page. I am also Asexual. HUGS

Lovely job on this topic. Happy pride month!

I applaud you! Great video, very important topic. This even taught me a few things. I plan on becoming a teacher and I believe it extremely important that we teach our youngsters mutual respect and understanding. Myself being a very boring (haha) straight person, I 200% support everyone and their sexuality or lack thereof.

I am so happy I found your channel. Not only do I love vintage fashion, and you have inspired me to really throw myself into it more than I have previously done, I also identify as being on the asexual spectrum. While i dont think my "ace-ness" manifests in exactly the same way as yours Im still psyched that it seems like there is yet another way that I can relate to you and your content.

I went through a lot of these things when I was figuring things out for myself. Then when I read about Demi sexuality and asexuality it was like...oh! This is so me! Thank you for talking about this.

I am glad you made this video because you gave a very intelligent explanation. I am a heterosexual female & had no idea what exactly asexual or aromantic was; I thought they were the same. Thank you for opening my eyes

As an enby ace thank you! A lot of my experiences have been very similar to this and it's taken me a long time to even consider that it's fine for me not to be interested in sexual relationships. It's the reason we need representation and people speaking honestly like this.

Thank you for this video. You helped me with self acceptance. 🌈💜 Beautiful.

I don't think I've heard it said better before. I may steal the line "I'm interested in people as a concept". I really don't understand why anyone would have a problem with anything you said today. Happy and safe pride month. Oh and from what I hear you do have an ignore button for anyone who thinks that they get an opinion on how you should think and feel!

Thank you for explaining this. I always just thought of myself as the intellectual type who was not into the dating scene. But when I look back, the only person I had enjoyed a physical relationship with was also my best friend and we were together until he died. Anyone else I've ever experienced physical intimacy with, even if they were attractive, never felt right. No satisfaction and eventually a break up. I'm fine now having no one to date or sleep with and never think about it. But I miss my best friend and always will.

Well said Bianca!! Be truthful to yourself!!!

Congrats on coming out! One of my closet friends came out as asexual a few years back. I have a ton of admiration for him and for you on living your lives openly. I’m pansexual and have had various coming outs for 20+ years, but being high femme and in a relationship with a man (a tremendously lovely person), I’m having to come out to people all the time. And like you, I have never dreamed about a wedding. Straight stereotypes and desires still allude me.

I am in love with this video! You are amazing. I really enjoy your content. Been on a little bit of a binge with your videos. But hey, that is alright by me.

Very Well put. Thank You !

This was wonderful!!!!! And I love the makeup look too.