If you want more black ace representation there is a book called Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann about a black bi romantic ace struggling with dating and self identity in terms of family expectations and career as well

@@tahraethestoryteller6079 I love that book! I'm a cis hetero black woman who isn't ace at all, and I think it's one of the best romance novels I've come across.

I am a cupiromanic ace and I agree with you :)

Agree

@@TawnyTiramasu sorry i've never heard that term, what does it mean?

@@emmasuzanne1890 You are perfect and beautiful just as you are. I hope you will find many good souls who love you as you are.

As a grayro who is not ace, I appreciate the distinction too!

As an aro-ace I saw that too and it made me happy. I know many romantic aces who have/want relationships and spend a lot of time telling people I turn down that “not all aces are like me.”

Let's not forget that aromantic is a spectrum too. You can want still want a romantic relationship, or at least the idea of it, but be turned off but the reality of it. Like, you want a relationship, but you can't even stand holding hands or kissing.

Very closed-minded to whoever said that. People in wheelchairs have intercourse all the time. + People who are amputated.

Of course you are one of us. I’m so sorry someone said that to you

@@asia22 I am a wheelchair user, but the people are actually referring to my brain injury which left me "emotionally immature"

No one else gets to tell you what your identity is. Bty you are fantastic.

My philosophy is to consider asexuality as a fact. That's who we are. Each of us in our own way, and for some of us, something might have happened in our lives to make us asexual, or not. We can't be sure, but we are still valid nonetheless and speculations on the what and why will never change the fact that that's who we are

Indeed. Whether you’re Todd Chavez ace of hearts level from Bojack Horseman or Georgia ace of spades from Loveless by Alice Oseman, you’re still valid.

​@@ntwwolf6908 exactly!

I’m grayace, and this is such a comforting short. I’m not broken. I just don’t always want that stuff. And that’s okay.

@@chipkid what does grayace mean?

@@cheyblake2475 The term gray-ace is short for gray-asexual (also known as graysexual), meaning that an individual occasionally-or-rarely experiences sexual attraction.

being ace doesn't mean we are aro too people!

FR! I see so many people say that we can’t be in relationships or don’t like them, that’s what aromantic is. We can still love people :,)

@@TheSkrunkyScrimblo Aromantic people can still love people. It just isn't romantic love. One isn't better than another, just different. Love is love.

​@@hope3290 Yep! I finally got into my first relationship *after* I realized at 32 that I'm aro as well as ace. Now I'm in a queerplatonic relationship with an amazing partner who doesn't expect me to give anything I don't have, but our platonic love & commitment to each other is just as strong as plenty of romantic couples'.

​@@logosgal Congrats!!!😊👍💜🤍💜💚🖤🤍

The reason is because society always says that men always want to have sex which can also be a problem when male SA happens.

@@Extreme2566yup

Be patient man. Let your own nature find it's time to do the do. Your lover is your choice, if they accept and you're not a prick. (But still don't do that crap with kids!!!!)

@@XSilver_WaterX Did you mean to respond to my comment?

@@randomindividual9966 Just making you aware we're a species that still consider halogenic shrooms in the wild better that making through another day eating bland pot roast obviously made bad. But still nice to hear from you!

I agree, the book is such a small thing. Finding it was such a random occurence and people might suffer for years until they find a book for them, people like them that tell them they are not alone ;=;

Thanks!!! ☺I'm always happy to hear that people can relate even if they aren't ace themselves!

Indeed. I hoped she was going to go in and buy Loveless by Alice Oseman, but finding a book explaining asexuals was perfect. When she embraced her ace side, I just thought, ‘you’re not broken and you are not alone’.

Same!

@@ntwwolf6908that book really helped me while I identified as ace, turns out I’m not ace but for three or four years I thought I was so I really get the isolation . It’s one of my favorite books of all time !

Thank you!!! This was definitely made for the ace community, so that’s wonderful to hear. Remember we aren’t alone in this, and happy pride! 💜

​@@teshamerkelI think good part of the video is that the guy is a good friend that would not intentionally make her uncomfortable just needed understanding.

Same exact sentiment from me. Thank you so much, Tesha Merkel, for sharing this art.

Fr I'm crying too. I'm not ace, but just seeing the pain you all go through ...it's like obvi I was aware...but it still broke my heart. No one should feel broken like that 😓

@@teshamerkel This is so important for people to see. thank you for making this.

I had a pretty similar experience with an ex girlfriend, so I sympathize there.

Same. Wanted to have a relationship but my only boyfriend only wanted sex. Now I know why. My sympathies and I hope you are ok and happy.

Same here. My boyfriend always wanted to kiss but every time we did I felt nothing. I thought I was weird but then learned about what is ace and I now I'm happy.

I finally worked it out TWO DAYS AGO and this is such a nice video. I had so many Internalised Phobic issues with the whole Alphabet. I was having such a horrible day, desperately trying to deal with... everything. I didn't WANT to dislike people for a choice I knew they didn't make, but I couldn't stop. And then all of a sudden I realised, I'm Asexual, and it doesn't matter. And if my sexuality doesn't matter, then nobody else's sexuality has to matter. It's only as important as we want it to be. The things I'd always known were true, finally made sense. I'm still dealing with my issues, it's only been two days, but since I accepted myself, it's as if they're flowing away like drainwater.

@@hyenaholicproductions9033 I'm happy for you!

Yep. This hit very close to home, too...

You are definitely not broken. You are precious and beautiful just as you are. 💜

Always remember to tell your partner that you're uncomfortable with intimacy. If they continue to overstep those boundaries, they're not a good match for you. You need to respect yourself. ❤

@@MidnightSonnet He doesn't overstep boundaries actually, part of it is just...me being scared to tell anyone that im just not into that stuff. but thank you.

@@alexyargee7740 I completely understand where you're coming from. I've dealt with intense guilt and feeling like a burden my whole life. I'm awful at setting boundaries, but I'm trying. If you feel intense fear of setting healthy boundaries for yourself, please see a therapist, preferably one that's LGBTQ friendly. Getting help with our inner demons is incredibly important. Remember, you 100% deserve to be respected. Your partner deserves to know what makes you uncomfortable. If he's a good person, he'll respect that.

And I love that it sounds like he wants to understand

@@carlycrays2831 Yeah

Yeah, it's not like we're hurting anyone by not having sex

Thank you for this beautiful comment.

So true

The naive thing is the worst part. Like I'm somehow less of an adult because I don't want sex.

@@carlycrays2831 Exactly and it’s not fair for people to tell us it’s wrong to not want sex ):

In my own opinion on being a asexual isn’t wrong, it’s just as a people who do not desire sex and want to have a meaningful loving relationship with their partner. Even I told almost the whole church before service that I am asexual. Did not know why people were weirded out by it back then. If anything, I could definitely be a nun (just kidding, don’t want to). ;)

@@MegaGermanShepherds That is brave of you though! I could never lol

It really is a very different experience compared to other queer identities. Trust me, I understand how it feels.

I'm also aroace, and trust me, it's weird sometimes. If you know how to accept yourself and be okay with it, others will do the same. Happy pride, my aroace stranger

Aroace as well here. It can be very isolating sometimes, so I’m always glad when I see representation!

One more to the pile!

Same-

Any name of books like it, it sounds like a interesting read

Heh, Yeah. I think "Understanding Asexuality" was one of the first that dove into the topic, so it leaves a LOT of questions to be answered. There has been a little more research since, so that's good.

Me too. I'm so lucky that I never had to go through the 'feeling broken' phase because I had so much information from the internet

I'm Gen X. There *was* no literature. I was something that I didn't have a word for. Now I know I'm what I call "demi grey."

Exactly! I liked playing wedding games with toy and stuff and the idea of a beautiful ceremony to celebrate two people's love but when I thought of it for myself, it just never clicked. I just couldn't see myself getting married or even having a relationship. Sure I've had crushes on people on people. Sure I liked to make suggestive comments about my favorite hot characters but I never truly wanted to pursue any relationship. I just wanted to write fanfiction about the characters and think about how cute my crush was. The thought of actually dating anyone both scared me and repulsed me. It just never felt like, me.

@@anjie-kun4evur20 yeah! I mean I do want to get married but everytime I thought about that special moment where the bride and groom kiss and seal the marriage I see it as a nessacery chore not something I’d WANT to do; most of my life I never thought I’d get married but now I see love as less of a physical and sexual thing and more of a emotional connection with your best friend but they mean way more to you than just a friend

Now us aces can enjoy knowing we were never broken. I did the movie thing my entire life, and after awhile my family knew to just tap me when it's over.

Honestly not that abnormal even for a 14 year old. We've "normalized" hypersexuality, but I think it's pretty normal to be disgusted or disinterested in sex as a teenager. If it persists through adulthood, that's less typical. I think what's important is to let kids/teens(even adults) know it's ok not to be horny. You may develop those feelings for someone later, you may not, and it's fine either way.

It was pretty close to the same experience for me.

Don’t know if she understood or not but I do. My mom said the same about my sexuality. I personally let go of the stereotypes associated with the label and find Community with people who understand me.

My parents refuse to understand human asexuality, saying it’s only a form of reproduction in nature, and immediately ask when I’m getting married. May have to share this

I used to cringe at my parents kissing but thought it was a typical child thing like ew gross kissing because I saw it on TV that kids were like that and thought I was just being a normal kid, for some reason my dad yelled at me about it thinking I didn't want him and my mom to be together??? Mildly traumatizing (I am asexual

My mom started to cry because she thought it would mean I would never want partner or get married. She even tried to make it seem like it was no big deal. I still correct her whenever she makes asumptions. At least she supports me a bit more. Still it is tiresome trying to explain to your parents why you are asexual.

making aro joke is mandatory 💚🤍🖤

In fact, I'm even more offended that queers reject us and behave no better than homophobes((((

@@TarunTao Yeah, I agree - it’s sad that even within the queer community, there is such division. It’s vital that we stand together to protect all of our queer siblings

I think people with what I would have called back in the day "higher sex drives" can't process is that they get horny and they assume we must feel like they feel when they ain't getting any. When I explain to people what my experience as an ace grey is, that while I enjoy sex, it is not something, left to my own devices, I really think about.

@@corndogbark5915 on the other hand, it proves that we are all the same people, and some can be jerks regardless of who they sleep with or who they love. equality)

Thank you, friend! :’) Couldn’t have done it without you. 💜💚

I’m back, haha!!! And thank you so much! :’D Love that you picked up on the color symbolism, and I’m so glad you enjoyed it! 💜 I definitely made this with fellow aces in mind, so hearing back from the community is all I could’ve wished for. Thanks again for watching and for your kind words! ^^

this video just made me tear up in general! such an amazing video and im so glad it’s making people feel seen! this is what the community is about

​@@MommyToldMeImSpecial as someone who is asexual, I can't fully describe the feeling, but my partner says that he gets this warm fluttery feeling when we kiss. But I never feel anything like that. Looking it up online, it's also an action that can turn people on, but for asexual people, that's not the case

I never felt wrong, I thought everyone else was weird.

​@@carlycrays2831 bahahaha same

I didn't feel wrong but I was seen as a weirdo by others and I hated it. As both asexual and aromantic, I certainly wouldn't change my happy single life to please society but still it annoyed me to be judged. I first did wonder if I wanted someone and just not sex but to be honest, I only wanted to dance, no love interest.

I know how this feels, due to some trauma in my early sexual years it turned me off to sex due to the PTSD. Cue to many years later I have learned how to control my ptsd but I never felt right, I always felt like there was something wrong with me mentally until I read up on asexuality and realized it lined up perfect with how I felt. Now I walk more confident knowing I'm not broken just see intimacy differently than everyone else 💕

@@carlycrays2831 I almost feel the same way. I thought something was wrong with me at first, but i saw what my friends went through dating while I was in high school and I was glad I didn't have to deal with that. Got into the everyone else is weird mindset a year after high school. I didn't find out about asexuals until I was 40 in 2020.

And yet you'll still get people in the comments saying stuff like this shouldn't be made 🙄 I'm glad you've figured out who you are ❤

I only found out I was asexual last year I had no idea it was actually a thing and always thought I was unlucky or dumb with love because I have never had a relationship before and came close so many times but then it just stopped before it got to the point of asking the girl out. Mostly in their end

Hi fella! Another Sx-repulsed ace here!

Are you spiritual at all by chance

Yeah, not everyone has to like what lots of people like

I don't like purple flag.

I like purple colour but i feel my asexuality as white colour

You could be demisexual. If you're having urges, but when you are with a guy you feel nothing. I am that way. What happens to demis is that they need to form a tight bond with their partner before they feel urges. In other words their love has to strengthen further in order to feel intimacy.

i'm so tired of being questioned about my orientation and so tired of being called "selfish" or "emotionless", my mom called me "cold hearted" because i don't want to be with anyone I'm sorry for what you've been through, and i hope you understand, that you are perfectly normal and natural. [cyber hug

As someone who's also both (biromantic ace), it's NOT stupid at all. You are fabulous just the way you are. Happy Pride!!

@@lavender_coast Thank you for your womderful words! Happy Pride Month! ❤️❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Biroace folks for the win. ☺️🤙🏽

@@spaghetto9836 indeed! 💖🏳️‍🌈❤️

Just so you know, your NOT stupid for being Bisexual and asexual. You are lovely just the way you are 💜

I may be younger at 26, but I've been in a relationship for 5 years and we currently live together. He understands I'm asexual as well! Real love is something that transcends emotion or desire. There ARE people out there that understand.

Finding a relationship is all about compatibility

Personally, asking out an aro/ace person is scarring. Even now I don't like talking about it but looking at this video is an emotional ride for me. Seeing most other people crying tears of joy is nice, but it hurts when you are crying from pain watching the video. Idk if anyone else really knows the feeling, but the like the emptiness of heartbreak but bitter. More intense emptiness. It's a great film, but I would like it if there was more expression for people like the boyfriend. It doesn't really help soothe the pain when you are helping them on their journey. I'd say more of peace of mind for them, yet it still hurts deeply in your heart. I don't ask out a lot of people (less than once per 1-3 years), which might not help. I've never been in a serious relationship before, and only 1 when I was in grade school so it's safe to say that I'm not the luckiest man on earth, but I've been turned down by every person I've asked out (man or woman). Starting to wonder why so.

@Cyan Alt Personally, I have dated both guys I've confessed to. Both times were terrible and have made me suffer from self-doubt, insecurity, loathing, anxiety, flashbacks, and more. I was bullied, lied to, and neglected by two guys who asked me out, knowing how serious I was when I fell for someone and toyed with my heart. I'm demisexual/romantic; I never fall for more than one person at a time, and I don't experience crushes - I fall head over heels for people, and only if I've known them well for _at least_ a year. They knew this, and one even promised me they were serious as I was. They only even asked me out when I was trying to get over them after 3-4 years. By the end of that relationship, he told me, "I'm sorry. I lied." With all of that said, if I were you, I would find comfort in your rejections. Simply put, you don't want to date someone that doesn't want you. That doesn't fit you. That doesn't click. This has to be mutual. And if, for the other, they do not feel this way or have their own journey to complete before pursuing romance or another commitment, then you are saved the trouble of being let down in the long run by this unfortunate truth. Because if the wrong person did accept, and you suffer like I did, you'll end up wondering "What's wrong with me?" like I had for years. It's not easy either way. I found comfort in being single. I have to work on myself, my goals, and better myself for if I ever have a partner. But, in my single life, I've also found that I don't need one to be happy. Finally, seize this opportunity. Improve upon yourself, your circumstances, your life, mental health, and aspirations. This is the reason being single even exists: Self-improvement. Focus of self and one's priorities. In other words, "Me time." Utilize it to the best of your ability. And, don't let the denials weigh you down too badly. I found comfort in confessing my feelings and being denied, so that I can walk away with closure, and save my heart for someone who will truly desire and chase after it someday. Someone who suits me perfectly, who will not lie nor neglect, and will be just as sincere as I am. Seize the moments you have being single, each and every one. It's the best investment you could make for yourself and the future love of your life. Wishing you the best. ☺️

I didn't even knew ace people went to pride parades, lol, most people just go there to hook up anyways, I shall give a try too, sister, some day!

@@caranostalgico9249 we absolutely do! ^^ Hell the pride parade I went to had an Ace flag at the front alongside other LGBT flags. You probably will have to look around for a bit tho for obvious reasons, but it’ll be worth it!

@@RANima71498 Nice! Thanks!

Me too! Most people tend to forget that LGBTQIA+ people should be featured on shows so that there's less sexist/homophobic people.

That's my story too. I could (and did) literally go years without feeling sexual attraction, but when I did it was definitely there, so I wasn't exactly asexual. So what the hell was I?!!? But when I heard what being demisexual was, and especially heard other demis tell about their feeling and experiences I recognized myself in their stories. And also, not until in my 60s did I learn why I'd been called a weirdo all my life, and how all the things that I thought were just me (avoiding shopping malls like they were the 7th level of Hell, because of the overwhelming, panic inducing sensory ugliness that none of my friends noticed...) that turned out to be classic ASD symptoms. I carried around even more "what the hell is WRONG with me?!" about that part of me; but self-discovery and discovering a whole community of people with similar ways of relating to the worl has led to self acceptance, feeling like much less of a freak, or if I am one there's a lot worse things I could be. But where was I? Oh yeah, like you I'm not quite asexual but I can relate to a lot of Ace people's experiences and feelings.

Im Ace Demisexual Im in relationship When i was younger i feel broke I cant be Close to a girl

@@polishalastor142 I'm very happy for you and that you found true love! Not every ace is lucky because their partners usually get too sexually frustrated that they end up leaving when it's literally not the ace's fault they were born that way. I always tell my partners in advance that I'm a demi so they know what they were about to get into, but yet they still try and then leave 😒