When I got my first job, my parents sat me down and told me that, "under no circumstances should I feel like I owe them anything unless they desperately need help. Go on and grow and make us proud". Grateful for those two till this day

Unfortunately this is the kind of situation that leads to generational poverty. It goes both ways at times. Parents supporting adult children. Adult children supporting parents.

This poor woman is going to have a nervous breakdown. Oh my Lord. Poor woman.

A saying I once heard: "If you don't get ashamed to ask for money it doesn't shame me to say no"

This is one of the saddest calls I have ever heard. Bless her heart ❤️

She is her mother’s retirement plan. She says she’s “retired” but her bank account says otherwise.

Saying "no" is a game changer. My finances are in much better shape since I've set boundaries with my family. And for those who think it's only Americans, think again. It's very common for Africans, carribeans, South Americans to consider their kids as a cash cow, unfortunately. That's why many remain poor. It's a vicious circle.

The mother is manipulative and selfish to leach off her daughter like that. You can hear the daughter’s pain in her voice.

Mom has no business owning a car with $700. a month.

Well I went through this. Sounds similar to my mom. When she threaten me call police she not leaving and lied I changed the locks tried to sue me for $5k. While still in my house. I evicted her.. Family can sometimes be the WORST ppl to deal with.

This has nothing to do with money. It’s the abuse in the past her narc mom has put upon her. I understand completely..

Boundaries are important! Cut off toxic people from your life at all costs. Never take abuse from anyone.

Have her mother trade her car in for a van and she can go live in that and RETIRE!!! She will all of a sudden get a job.

My mother was the same till I created the boundary. My mother saw me as a cash machine. I have 3 children. I had to take us away from her, she is domineering and petuchelent like a child. She kicked off like a drug addicted teen. I got past the point of caring My soul focus is my children and my financial stability in order to help my children and grandchildren in the future.

My mom is 72 & still works part-time. She gets her Federal Reserve Pension, 401K, & SS check. My dad gets a GM Pension & SS. My parents have never asked me for money.

People that use their children as a retirement plan are living in an alternative reality. Time to snap out of it. 👍

I understand this poor young woman's dilemma. Been there, done that. The stress that my mother caused me almost made me have a heart attack. Literally, I ended up in the hospital many times with my heart. The stress was unbearable.

Retired with no retirement fund 🥴

This is a real problem. If the mother has gone this far over the line then she really has her hooks in deep. Trying to get a person like that to respect you is never going to happen. I think the mother is the dominant force in this relationship and she is actually there to dominate the lives of her grand daughters.

...and why is she paying for a car if she has no job? She’s probably out shopping since her daughter is supporting her.

My mom tried something like that. She had very little in her ROTH. Said she was retiring. I just looked at her and said how? She's only 51. She said living with you. I just said no. Power of no. Hard... But she'll need more help down the road than right now.

Her mother can look up HUD HOUSING an get an apartment it's based on your income

I wonder how many of these folks are scared to have these conversations with their family...so they just play back a copy of Dave’s video/response for them.

Unfortunately, I foresee her having to cut ties with her mother completely. Mine tried to pull the same thing when she went $100,000 in debt for a psychology degree (only making $38,000 now) and wants me to help her pay for her life style (new car, horses, house, ext). I refused and was told I was ungrateful after everything she did for me growing up...

This woman needs some support, her mother is draining her and might give her a nervous breakdown. What a witch!

Omg this home so hard for me. My mom literally did the same to me a couple of years ago. I was just getting out of college and was paying on credit cards and everything else to pay for her when I could barely take care of myself 🤦🏾‍♀️. Found Dave and set boundaries from listening to similar convo he had with someone else years ago. Luckily I didn’t have kids, just Sallie Mae on my back (paid her off and working on the Navient loans now). Wishing this lady all of the best!

She’s not retiring on her daughter because she didn’t prepare for it. Jeez. Glad my parents aren’t like this.

My mom, sadly, is very similar to this women's mom. She can play the victim very well and hand out guilt trips like nobody's business. My siblings complain about it but no one ever tells her about it, so she continues. She has a bad habit of treating those around her very badly (including my dad) even when they're doing their best to help. I had to set some boundaries when she tried to involve my kids in one of her temper tantrums. I love my mom very much and I help her in every way that I can, take her to appointments, buy her groceries etc, since she no longer drives... but when you go after my family and my kids, wooosaaahhh... the mama bear in me will come for ya, no matter who you are... Caller if you ever read this, I will not dare insult your mom, she is your mother. But what I will say is that for your own wellbeing and that of you daughters you must set some boundaries and keep them! Do not allow her to make you feel bad for taking care of yourself and your kids. By all means help her when you can and be respectful, but set boundaries. All she can do is get mad, but she'll get over it. Sometimes you just have to put toxic and manipulative people in their place and make sure they stay there.

In this situation, she needs to put herself and her daughters first. The grandma won't change.

She sounds broken

It so sad to hear stories like this--about parents bleeding their kids. Unfortunately, there are people who think the one and only reason for having children is for future financial exploitation. It's so sad.

I feel so bad for people like this! I’d never speak to my parents if they acted this entitled

Yet another example of a senior who (unfortunately) didn't plan or save for their retirement and expects their adult child to essentially 'finance' their retirement.

*the fact that one's parents can become a financial drain, is why I quietly concern myself in the financial condition of my Padres* 💪🌚

If my mom or anyone else that I was doing a favor for threatened to take me to court, it would only encourage me greatly to do so.

Telling her mom no won’t make her a bad daughter. Taking care of her mother will make her a bad mother though.

And this is the reason why I work so hard to make sure my Financial future is in order...it is NOT my son's responsibility to care for me in my older years. Sadly a lot of parents bank on their kids taking care of them.

Whew... it is so sad some parents will take advantage of their kids like this. Poor woman seems like she's at her limit, wish her the best.

I used to have a best friend who's mom did exactly the same. Had been living on the back of her daughter since she was 21 year old. Because the mom didn't feel like working. She lives with her family and causes a lot of turmoil. It is one of the reasons I had to say goodbye to this friendship, could not keep acting as if all that manipulation was ok.

This is sad. I cannot imagine taking anything from my children. Shame on any parent that would take from their children.

My mom the same way. Gov. Income/housing. Got cable, smokes, soda, chips, meds. Calls me every month like i need help this month. 58yr old hasnt worked in 15yrs. While i work 3 jobs. Im done!

This is what I FEAR will happen to me and my husband in the near future. It has already happened as far as them not having a place to stay, but I am worried once they are older older, we are the only one's on both sides of the family other than my mother who owns their house and has the "means" to do it. We work so HARD and are raising our kids. We look forward to the day our kids are older and we can do things that we are not able to do now when they are adults. I am so worried that we are going to get saddled with parents who made bad decisions, WILL NOT control their finances, and have ZERO retirement funds. I am so worried that my heart will have to be completely broken in order to live our dream. I will NOT give up what we are owed from working so hard and being financially responsible when others have chosen a hard life and feel like we owe then every spare dime we have. I feel this woman's pain so deeply and profoundly.

Mum sounds like she shouldn’t have a car or a phone. Catching buses to see friends is acceptable in her situation. If she hasn’t planned for her retirement then she can’t expect luxuries in her retirement , and a car and phone are luxuries. Good luck to this very kind daughter.🍀

My mother is like this or worse, glad I cut off contact with her years ago because I realized my mother would cut my throat to get ahead and that’s the gods honest truth

She needs to quietly investigate options with social services. Cross all the Ts. Then put the hammer down, set the date. Be 10 steps ahead of her. I hate control freaks. Pastor and church can be a good support system.

I'm in the same exact situation , I help my mom get her car, 3 jobs she got fired from all 3, she still doesn't have a high school diploma, i offered pay for her classes and she never mad a move . I grew to hate her,

I am going through the same thing. This is the most painful thing to deal with. very painful. sometimes people take your kindness for whatever they want. people can careless about your financial goals. manipulative parents are worse then enemies because words and actions really feel like someone is stabbing your heart.

Stop paying her phone bill and her food cost. Get emotional support and file eviction. I am sorry 😐 you are going through this but you got this.

Lord keep this woman close and give her comfort in her boundaries, AMEN!

I feel so sorry for this woman :( Her mom is financially abusing her.

She can just stop paying her Mother's bill's! And tell her Mother "she doesn't want to" the same way her Mother tells her that she doesn't want to work because she's retired! So, the daughter should retire paying her Mom's bills!

That's why my mom will not live with me. I couldn't imagine.

Why is Dave's answer to every problem a good church and a pastor? These pastors must work a miracles unbelievable

I wish Dave had asked where the mother was living before moving in. What is the matter with these parents that have no self-respect and leach off their kids?

When ur lease is up just move. And dont give her there new keys. See ya mom. Stay as long as you want! Lol

I can relate. I'm financially attached to my mother through a double mortgage that she had to have (with my father included). Parents' income wasn't good enough to buy the house, so I included my income as well. The WORST MISTAKE that I have EVER MADE! This mistake has costed me a number of possible long term relationships and the only way out of this situation now is to file for bankruptcy and live out in the streets homeless. Either way, I strongly encourage younger guys not to get financially attatched to their parents even if it's out of love, because now I currently suffer from bouts of anxiety and depression and on medication for it, yet another financial burden.

Oh my goodness....my heart breaks for this poor woman 😥

Tells her daughter you’re going to have to take me to court to get me out?? Wow! I’d have done that the next day.

What a sad situation. This lady is obviously overwhelmed and don't know how to handle this.

I'm 23 with 60k debt but I make 80k a year. Very happy I found Dave so I don't end up like these "retired" people without a nickel to their name...and end up being a burden to their own children. What an absolute nightmare, can't wait to be debt free and build wealth while I'm still young!

I’d put her out even if she had the money to pay me, with that attitude.

Sounds like my mom, except my mom wanted me to put 20% down on a home and if I didn't I would be a bad son. She tried it twice but I did not cosign or put money down. I have a family and a young daughter, so I got rid of mom, I haven't seen her going on a year this June 2020.

I'm 31 years old and bought my condo at 25 years old... a few months after I bought it.. my mom and sister moved in cause they're broke and they have been with me for 6 years now... they constantly are getting and losing their jobs, while I support them... they both have 0 money and between me, my brother and my dad, we pay their bills... it's to the point where I'm just going to have to kick them out, but it's hard cause they will literally be on the street!! What do I do???

If the Mother dont move, the daughter may have to move to keep her sanity. So sad 😑

Never put yourself in a position to take from your children.

Laziness and bad decisions are the only reason why ppl are in bad situations ppl actually bring life in this world just to make slaves out of for their own benefit. It’s a sad society.

Mom needs to apply for public housing or Section 8. She could apply for SNAP benefits and probably utility assistance programs. Trade in her car and get a used paid for one.

Brakes my heart to hear someone suffering this much because of their own parent. Can’t imagine how it was when she was growing up. Hope she got mom out and found healing.

When she tell her mom to move out she going to say I raise you all my life 🤭 family members hate no they feel in titled I feel bad for her 😔

Her mother would take her to court?? She should call her local police dept and educate herself on the steps of a legal eviction.

There are several fantastic books out there now about recovering from growing up with narcissistic mothers! It's becoming a recognized issue, and these books can really change your life. Going through some of this discovery myself, you are *not* the problem, and you are worth putting yourself first. Take care of yourself and your babies!

This Mother is abusive. And if she is renting just find a new place and move. Just let the Mom take over the old apartment.

He mother is a monster! How dare the mother mooch off of the daughter then threaten her with legal action. I hope the daughter wakes up and moves far away from her mother. So ungrateful.

God bless her soul she sounds like she was about to cry any second

My narcissistic mother is in her mid-seventies now. She has 2 properties. One she lives in. The other she’s allowing my younger sister to inherit early since I’m the one who did all the personal and professional work all these decades. I’m glad I don’t really have anything do with either of them anymore. My mother has mostly destroyed the plumbing in both homes, although they’re still functional and I lent her money to get the work started for a new boiler and water heater for the one she’s most destroyed since that’s the one she lives in. She told me over the past few years that she decided to stop filing taxes and I know her credit card issuers stopped renewing her cards, plus her accountant really wanted to talk to me because he said there are big problems. She runs a “family” business that has been in the red since my stepfather passed 10 years ago and she unsuccessfully tried to sue a company that slipped off with the business. She spent at least $200K on that. She tried to get me to fulfill orders, which I did for a bit but, there was the recession and what would I do in winter and I think the plan was for me to do the work, incur the expenses and the monies go into her bank account. It just goes on. She has an annuity so, she’ll have to be good with that for the remainder of her life. Particularly after she has tried to toy with my livelihood a couple of times and because I think she’d kill my cats because I love them, she can’t stay here. She has neuropathy in her feet as, she refuses medication, except for pain medication. She would not just BE a full time job, if she lived with me, she would INTEND TO BE a full time job. It would be like letting Satan live here and between her and my job, I would estimate I’d be dead in no more than 3 years and that’s a stretch. Bottom line is that she’s a one person tornado wrecking ball and, at some point, the state is going to come take her, what they can of what’s left of both properties, even if she’s turned over one to my sister, if it’s within 5 years and that’s how it will go down. Sooooooo glad I kicked the blast door shut on this nut!

Do we have the same mom?! Mine was toxi, narcissistic and controlling from childhood though...the day I really stood up to her was not pretty, but it was the start of the best days of my life. I have forgiven her-- sadly she has not reconciled or admitted anything so we are no longer in contact--and I have never felt more free in all my life. I still are walking through my healing from her and her actions, but the first step was removing her control and forced influence over my life!

Put your stuff in a storage shed and move out of state far away from your family. Don't let your family interfere with your destiny. Build your life without your family's interference. And you should set your kids free at 18 and don't interfere with their lives also.

If your mother tells you that you have to take her to court if you want her out of your home, she is NOT a mother, and never has been. She should have never let her in.

I am in a similar situation, I am 36 years old and I have supported my family since I started working 15 years ago. I am from an Asian nation where we dont move out of our homes when we turn 18 and we are required to care for our parents when they are old, now my mom would always tell me that if ever i get married i would still need to give them financial support every two weeks and that my spouse should also understand the dynamics. I am living with them but i have saved enough to make a downpayment for my own house, now she is calling me an ingrate whenever I tell her that I am moving out and when I tell her to give me a chance to find someone to marry, she said it is okay but she also control that part of my life. I am worried about them growing old, my mom doesnt work, she is 53, my father is a driver who also just go to work when he wants, he is 61. I have no debts except for my house and I have been following Mr. Ramsey's plan. My mom said that she had children so that we can provide for her...me and my siblings are almost all in our 30s but no one has married and no one has moved out yet and I know i will get plenty of backlash once I moved out. I plan to give them a lumpsum before i leave but i know my mom will demand more.

Your mom can only be a financial strain on you if you let her. Just. Say. No.

I have been going through this since my 20s. I am now 40. Get your mother off your purse strings immediately or you will regret not doing it as I am now. I have a lot of resentment towards my mother because of this. For a better relationship, force her to pay her own way or you will eventually not even want to see her around you. It is very painful.

She could live another 30 years or more!

I had a Mom like this one. Somehow people think they have to put up with abusive behavior by family members. I don't know if it is the result of certain religious teachings, cultural norms, societal values, rigid role expectations of women, etc. etc. It got to the point where I had to put some distance between us: she was toxic.

I'm sick of this attitude "I'm 65 I've retired!" You're not retired if your finances say otherwise. This woman has had her whole life to save money and she didn't, that's her problem not her daughter's.

OMG, this sounds SO FAMILIAR! Whether you're broke or not.

What kind of job can you give to 65 years old? Moving furniture? Construction? Grocery packing?

I know people who's parents were demanding Rent & Help with utilities from their children who just turned 18 just graduated HS with minimum wage job. So some of y'all are very lucky

I was just going to post that this mother sounds like a narcissist, and I saw that I posted those words a year ago. I hope this dear woman has been able to regain her life and freedom.

Older people who have no money when they retire get no sympathy from me. They had their entire life to make good financial decisions and chose not to.

65 years old. This lady could live another 30 years and try to mooch off her poor daughter for years and years and years.

That's so sad. The daughter is going to have to get a Judge and Sheriff involved to get her mom out that won't contribute. If the daughter had two or three million dollars that would be one thing but she's barely making it with her children. So sad. I live in Phoenix, I wish I could help this woman out.

This is emotional blackmail, shame on her mother!

Its really unfair, as a parent you have had more time to create wealth but since you fell asleep on the wheel financially your daughter has to pay for your financial sins.

It is amazing how entitled some people can be.

And then when you try to tell your parents to do better with their money you're labeled disrespectful😂 they don't wanna hear it.

Empathy is a 2 way street. If someone demands empathy from you but doesn't return it they are manipulating you and don't care about you. You must cut people like that out of your life if you want to be as happy as possible.

Give her a 3 day notice to vacate then go file at your local Justice of the Peace. You will have her out in a few weeks. > Tell he $500 is more reasonable and she does not need a car as much as she needs shelter. Your choice mom.

The caller does need a support system. She doesn't have the will to win this battle. Mom knows it with that "take me to court" response. Caller can fight, flee (move to a new place herself!) or find a champion to fight for her. I don't think some pastor can be a successful champion here. That will have to be a lawyer.

Wow - this woman sounds like my living situation. My mother has no bills and Depending on me financial solely. But, in return, she cooks and stay at home with my kids. Save me child care expenses. I am grateful for her ❤ but it can be very frustrating. I felt so ungrateful when I get frustrated with her. Sorry, girl! I feel you! I wish I can give you a hug! 🙏🙏🙏

My mom is like this when I refused to co sign a housing loan. She threw a fit and I stopped talking to her. Not all mothers are built the same