This ^^^^^

Agreed

I'm here for it!

Agreed

Yusssss

'Cause it hits really hard

From I-Am-Reclaimer: Hey friend, I can deeply relate to your experience. I'm 31 and was diagnosed with autism when I was 29. Diagnosed with ADHD when I was 23. The ADHD thing wasn't very much of a surprise for me, but when the Austism one came it was a mixed bag. I had learned a lot about ASD and knew that It was highly likely I had it, especially after my uncle was diagnosed at 62. At first a weight was lifted off my chest and all the pain, the embarrasing interactions, the mistakes I had made just made so much sense. But them came the confusion, anger, and depression. "how much better could my life have been if I knew this before. If I knew how to deal with things that came up that I wasn't good at or aware of. How many of the painful and embarrasing things could I have avoided?" It was a bear to wrestle with but now I'm in such a better spot. To be able to know who I am better and to live life in a way that makes me extremely happy and proud. I, too, stim hardcore to metal/hardocre music and love BMTH. They've been a band I've listend to since their album, Suicide Season, and have found respite in songs like "can you feel my heart" and "there is a hell"...and not to mention "diamonds aren't forever." Oli is a lyrical magician. He's got some deep and heartfelt messages that he just SCREAMS into the ether. Stay in there my friend. You're not alone and you are loved!

From tromboness: Thanks for sharing! I'm glad that you've been able to find comfort and hope in BMTH! I'll have to listen to more of their music! It can take a while to process your diagnoses of ADHD and autism, and it is common to have comorbidity of depression with those conditions as well. Maybe it felt concerning at first, but growing to accept these can help you feel more confident. I hope that with a better understanding of yourself, you're able to find peace in who you are. Know that there is a whole community of neurodivergent people that understand the things you're going through, myself included. If you ever need any extra support, don't hesitate to reach out! Hold Fast <3

Avalanche is one of my go to songs too. I feel like my head wasn't wired for this world a lot of times too.

From Micro: So thankful you feel some resonance through this bands and their music. It's so special when the way you feel internally seems to be projected into the creative outlet of someone else. It helps feeling less alone with the challenges we are facing in our own life. I hope with all my heart that your own journey with depression and these more recent diagnosis to go as smoothly as possible. Personally the different dianogsis I had over the years often felt bittersweet at first - like a new world of possibility and validation of my experiences, but also bringing its share of discouragement and helplessness at the same time. If you ever need to talk more about how you've been experiencing this and how you're doing overall, please feel absolutely free to share, and know that the Heartsupport's community is standing with you. No matter what, you are not alone.

I share the same feelings. Not on the spectrum as far as I know but I haven't had the best mental health and definitely didn't have some good years yet their music still made me fight. I've felt like this with That's the Spirit, Sempiternal, and Post Human: Survival Horror. May things go well for you.

I hope you are doing well now. It took me 2 decades to overcome my depression, some moments being much worse than others. I found that talking to others experiencing similar issues really helped, along with listening to their issues played a huge role in my recovery. It’s much deeper than that, but to keep things from turning into the length of a short story I’ll leave it at that. I just want to say if I could find peace, it is possible for anyone. It takes time. Hopefully others find their peace much more quickly than it took me to find mine.

They are playing doomed in their current live tour and the starting bit uses the Albert Hall intro and it was otherwordly....

THIS 💙 one of the best versions I've ever heard

From Micro: It's okay to take your time, friend. The very act of reaching out and asking for help can be profoundly intimidating, especially if that is not something you are used to do, or if in the past you did it but your message was not received the right way by others. It is particularly challenging to say "I'm not okay" and to seek support. It puts you in this vulnerable position where people actually *see* you - not hidden behind a mask or a smile, but as you truly feel at the moment. It is like opening a door to very personal parts of your self. It makes sense to find it difficult, and to face a lot of fears or justifications as to why you shouldn't do it. The closer you get to reaching out, the higher the anxiety becomes, and the rush of thoughts too... I've definitely been there, over and over throughout my life. Heck I just wrote a message yesterday to try to reach out and open up about how I've been feeling lately, and... I removed the message. You're definitely not alone in this, if that can bring any comfort. It's easy for the mind to find a lot of reasons to not ask for help. It doesn't mean it's right, but it's an expression of the fears we feel at the moment, which is valid. Somehow, sharing what's on your heart is like taking a risk, because you don't know yet how others are going to respond to it. It can turn out to be a very positive experience or a very negative one. And the only way to know is to open that door in the first place - which feels lik a huge responsibility! You are definitely worth the time that someone would offer to listen to you. This is how you feel about yourself and your struggles, but that doesn't indicate any tangible truth. The truth is, if someone is willing to support you - that means they see *you* and how worthy you are. And if someone isn't willing to do that, then that just means they may not be the right person, or they are not equipped to listen, or it's not the right time for them. Through all of this myriad of possibilities though: you *are* worth it. You *are* valuable. What's going on in your mind and heart is absolutely valid to share. You have the right to occupy space and share your voice just like any other person on this planet. You matter! On the other hand, your struggles are not less important than others either. I know it's easy to compare ourselves and feel like others are going through a lot while our own problems may be insignificant. But whenever you see that voice inside of your mind at play, it really is just an expression of your fears and anxiety at the moment, not of any ultimate truth. Because no matter what you are going through, it is important to you. It matters in your life, in your story and circumstances - and in light of who you are at the moment, so it is important! A struggle may seem from someone on the outside like it's not a big deal yet actually feeling like it *is* the end of the world for the person experiencing it firsthand. It's a matter of perspective there, and there is no need to judge the value of quality of people or their struggles. As a fellow anxious bean when it comes to reaching out, I would love to encourage you to keep pushing through and to keep trying. You are never wrong for sharing what's on your heart. If someone reacts poorly to it, they are in the wrong. Your voice deserves to be heard, friend. And if you've been alone with your thoughts/struggles, then it's okay to welcome others into your life so they can help. Not everyone will be equipped or ready to listen or even understand, but from experience I can tell you that there's more people than we imagine who actually experience similar emotions than we do. We have different stories, but we can connect at an emotional level through a very large diversity of situations, which helps in feeling understood and less alone. If you would feel a little more comfortable, Heartsupport has an online and anonymous forum to reach out and be heard/supported. It is at forum.heartsupport.com - and you are absolutely welcome to post there. I am personally a member of Heartsupport's staff and an admin there, so I can definitely assure you that conversations there are respectful, caring and safe. It's a precious space to share our most vulnerable side when we need it. No matter what you would decide moving forward, know that someone out there is proud of you for trying already! Even if you removed your comment or hesitated, or anything like that - you still tried! And that is huge! I hear you, I see you, and I hope you will have some positive and safe interactions that will increase your confidence in opening up about your struggles when you need it. The first step is the scariest - then the waiting is challenging too when it's online and we wait for a response. But I have faith in you and in your ability to overcome those fears. You got this.

@@HeartSupport whoever you are, thankyou. I somehow actually cried reading this...

From ThriceTheThird: I'm sorry that you are going through tough times, and hospitalizations. If you ever want to let more our, and share more of what you are feeling and going through. Please feel free to do so. <3

From Micro: I hear your exhaustion there, and yes it makes sense to feel tired of it. There is no doubt that you've had to deal with your share of struggles, certainly unwanted adversity in your life, and it's freaking exhausting to feel like your life has to be a constant fight just to get a sense of what others seem to get without any effort, and without even having to think about it. We know life is unpredictable and will always carry to us its own share of difficulties, but it feels terribly unfair to have to deal with the same obstacles - and their consequences - over and over. You just want to have a "normal" life, or at least something different than this, not to feel trapped in hospitals endlessly. It feels as if you were the one being punished while you haven't done anything wrong at all. You just freaking try to live instead of surviving. That saying "what doesn't kill makes you stronger" is definitely infuriating at times, especially if you *are* in this middle where there's only pain in sight and no exit sign. Dealing with consequences of traumas and childhood abuse myself, I have felt this injustice over and over. The injustice and pain of having to deal with direct consequences of things that were done to me - it feels like an added punishment on top of the hurt that already took place. Many times I cried and mourned all the times lost to this pain that I have to learn to live with and work on. So when you end up in a hospital bed because you're in pain, I can only imagine the amount of loneliness and hurt this make you feel. You want your voice to be heard, to want this pain to be taken away, you want to feel safe and confident in your ability to say "I got it from here". But there are things that keep activating this raw pain inside, and it's an awful experience to have. I may not know you personally, but reading your comment I know how brave, resilient and strong you've been, through all the good and bad days you had to go through so far. There must have been so many steps taken, so many detours encountered, so many hardships overcome to get to the point of sharing your voice here - and that is truly special. Thank you so much for sharing, thank you for being here, thank you for expressing how you feel. If anything, you are not alone in this fight - many of us here understand how you feel and are standing with you. My encouragement for you is to not lose faith in yourself - there is more to this life, more to experience, more to discover and bring into this world. I believe in you.

From Micro: Hey friend, Thank you so much for reaching out here. Please feel absolutely free to share what's on your heart and story. This is what Heartsupport is all about and we have a loving community here willing to listen to you and encourage you. If you want, you can share here directly in the comments, or you can also post on our anonymous forum at forum.heartsupport.com . These are safe options for you to share your voice *and* be heard as you need. I feel the heaviness you've been carrying on your own shoulders and would love to hear your story. Know that you are not alone and we care about you here.

From runner12: @user-pz8my8yz5y I’m so glad you reached out. Saying that you need help is an important step. I don't know your situation but I want you to know you aren’t alone in your struggles. When I’ve felt alone and like there was no one I could reach out to, I’ll write, read books about my struggle, and make a list of possible people I could open up to. Like a pastor, teacher, coach, possible support group in the area, relative or friend. Or posting here which I’m so glad you did. We are here for you!

From Micro: @user-pz8my8yz5y We are here to support you at Heartsupport. If you have no one who could listen to you, to your story, to what's on your heart, then know you have a place right here and people who genuinely care on the other side. I know it's not the same as interacting with someone you already know, and it can feel intimidating to talk about our struggles openly, but I just want to reassure you that this space and this community are safe and meant for this exact purpose. Connecting together. Being strong in our vulnerability together. Healing together. It can be so hard to find our way through this crazy thing called life - rest assured that you are not alone, my friend. You also did something amazing here, which is to recognize your need for help. Maybe this wasn't the case months or years ago, but here you are today, willing to get the support you need. That alone takes tremendous strength, and you can be proud of yourself for being in this dynamic of trying to build a support system for yourself. I do hope that this step can be one of many for you. We're in this with you. If you would like to share more, feel absolutely welcome to do so. You matter so very much. :heart: - Marie-Anne, Heartsupport Staff