Taking gifts from a “generous narcissist” is like selling your soul to the devil!

They act like they’re helping you or someone else. Sometimes they play the victim. Or they have their enablers and flying monkeys who blindly support them.

We live in a narcissist world nowadays. When you find someone with true empathy hang on to them because that is very rare!!!! Thank you once again dr ramani!

I really don’t listen to people who don’t know what narcissism is - they can’t help it, but their advice is the opposite of helpful.

Not only fake mindfulness, but they play the religious card.

"You can't be a mindful and present asshole." I LOVE IT!❤❤❤

Thank you so much for talking about the generosity aspect of narcissism. For 13 years I thought I had to put up with his abuse because I had a roof over my head and he would pay for 75% of our bills because he made significantly more money than I did. Watching him be so generous with friends and family made me feel like I was the one with the issues and I was just inconsiderate.

It's so true. I grew up with middle class parents who paid for me to receive a decent education but who emotionally and psychologically abused me and used money as a tool to control me. In my adult life I've met some people who grew up with parents who had very little money and who abused them in very graphic physical ways. They grew up hungry, lacking resources to get ahead in life such as education, and being abused in very clearly visible ways. In comparison to those people I'm seen as SO lucky and a lot of people have NO idea why I would EVER complain or why I would even think to distance myself from my parents. I get it, I have a lot of compassion for people in the situation that I described and I do actually feel that my life is in ways easier and luckier, and at the same time it kind of sucks because it's hard to explain to people what it's really like to go through what I'm going through. People see my parents as awesome parents because they helped me pay for college. They don't realize the abuse that I endured to get that money and the negative effect it had on me and the opportunities I've actually missed out on as a result. Just because my parents did that does not make them good parents. They did not do it for the right reasons.

“You can’t be a mindful, present a**hole.” Felt this one.

"You can't be a mindful and present asshole." I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my food

The enablers drive me nuts. Especially when they don’t know what they’re talking about. I find it super condescending and gaslighting of them for sure. Fully aware of my truths. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

Just when we think everything is fine they'll pick a fight.

I watched a friend justify a narcissist by saying "I know they have done and said abusive things but they are so FUN to be around!" They were quickly no longer a friend as I realized this person prioritized fun over basic human decency...

ANY kind of an interaction with a narcissist is terribly gross. Being in their presence you can’t breathe because they are taking all of the oxygen out of the room.

Narcissists don't believe in respecting the other's space, privacy, boundaries, etc

A gift, a GIFT. ITS NOT A GIFT IF IT ENDS UP COSTING YOU. God's Good Gifts don't come with sorrow.

Making her rules and codes just herself and not applying them for everyone else. Narcissistic people are bullies too.

My ex would always tell me not to "bite the hand that feeds me" when I would push back and question him about anything. I started laughing at him and tuning him out til I could get away. I can feed myself thank you!!

When they do nice things for us that’s what makes us think that we’re judging them wrong 😢 and we give them another oportunity after the other

No abuse is acceptable even when it accompanies money. That's transactional.

That's my mom. I'm convinced she's a covert narcissist. Everyone my whole life has always been like "you're mom's so nice" and it's really hard to explain that her niceness comes from a very self-absorbed place. I'd known it for years, but it really came out hard last year when my wife and I were potentially having to emergency move to the other side of the continent to escape the wave of anti-trans legislation in our state. When I called her to tell her about this very serious situation she kept prattling over me about herself, until I mentioned we were considering Colorado. Then she goes "Colorado? Oh, I've never been to Colorado! If you move there, I could go on vacation there. I'd stay with you so I wouldn't have to pay for a hotel. That's exciting!" Yes she acts very nice, but doesn't actually care about anyone but herself.

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

Mind boggling. Agree 💯 "You cannot be a mindful and present asshole"

And then there’s the UNSUCCESSFUL narcissist!

Any teaching that allows narcs to be in a dominant position gives narcs power and control over others.

Yes, they make you pay. Divirced after 35 years after his affair. He hid money so he can travel regularly and live internationalky for part of year. I cannot go to the grocery store. I never imagined my life like this in my older years. It is peaceful without his fits of rage.

Yes , indeed , my ex narc hubbie is just as you described, dr Ramani . He is a great Christian believer , he is showing his faith at every step . Even at every bite he makes the sigh of ✝️… , imagine that ! I am following you for a couple of years and I have to say that your teachings changed my life 180 for the better ! Bless you Dr Ramani !❤ Hugs from Romania 🇷🇴💐!

14 minutes in and you're talking about me. I left about a month ago. Keep talking, Dr. Ramani! I'm listening.

My neighbor is a "cheerful" narcissist until she doesn't get her way, and then watch out! It took me awhile to figure her out, but thanks to Dr. Ramani, I know what I'm dealing with. Needless to say, I don't seek out her company anymore because she's a lousy friend. She's an opportunist just like the person I'm living with at the moment. It's all about them and it will always be, "All about them".

My aging parents are having a very hard time with assumptions and expectations. They resent being taught, and any hint of proof they may have been mistaken about anything.

I knew someone who was a cheerful narcissist but didn’t understand it at the time. We were in chaplaincy training together. She burned out on jobs pretty regularly. And when she was hired at my place of employment, she liked to boss me around. When you didn’t do what she wanted, she got angry. Anyway, long story short she was privileged and had a husband who could support her. Your video has helped me identify just what was going on.

I once heard you say something SO helpful; about imagining the narcissist as a rubber band. When they are being nice and "normal", they're like a rubber band stretching - it can only last so long - they're eventually going to snap back or break Most helpful, practical tool (including visualisation properties) in helping me break cycles, heal, and start moving on with actually living my life. Forever, 🙏🏼 thank you

The Cheerful Narcissist hides their anger. They put on that "Happy Happy Joy Joy" mask. They are not just lying to others but they are mostly lying to themselves.

I do. My last boyfriend. He faked me out that he was spiritual. He used was using his platform as a teacher to expound "wisdom." It was a false self, and I fell for it.

I used to work with a cheerful narcissist. It was frustrating. She was always so "sweet" to people's faces, but at meetings the minute the person wasn't there would throw them under the bus. I also saw that she was constantly in the bosse's office having one on one meetings with him. Which I seemed to be the target of at least some of the times bc soon after I was being told by the boss that if I had free time I needed to ask other people if there was something they had for me to do. First of all, I barely had any free time, but worse, I constantly witnessed other people in the office suite visiting each other's offices just to bullshit. Apparently, I wasn't important enough to be permitted any downtime at all. To her, my job was to make everyone else's much easier to my own detriment of being overworked and stressed out as a result. She had power over the office and wasn't even the manager or supervisor.

I was told my whole life to be the bigger person. Not anymore!!!!

The abused relative (me) does not feel comfortable revealing the narcissist's true character because (1) I don't want to take attention from the actual good they have done for society and (2) it would make ME look bad to criticize a family member. Win win for the narcisssist!

"You can't be a mindful and present asshole." 😆

Anything my mother did for me came at a price. No contact since 2013 Anything my ex husband did for me during the insane 14 years of marriage. No contact since June 2017. U divorced and left wealth. I live alone with many animals and battle financially. But i am the most happy. I wouldn't change a thing

Once you learn about these persnality traits, of course from Dr. Ramani, then I find their behavior very predictable. I can literally know word per word what they would say😅

Awesome use of words & phrases to describe minute, fleeting feelings. Cheerful Ns are super toxic. But the gifts, money, & fun enable them to distract & con. Watch out for cheerful, charming salespeople, whether it’s real estate, cars, jewelry or magazines.

It takes a breath to realize you just got gas lit, that gives me a full body distain instantly, and no words used to come out, now I just walk away, cuz no words I say will change jack squat.

"You can't be a mindful and present a**hole." Dr. Ramani, you had me hollerin'!! You stated it so calmly and matter-of-factly!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤❤❤❤

There are ppl who constantly love bomb and abandon ppl & and they have self help spiritual pages on social media 😂 it’s crazy. Then when you know the person and you see the pages you feel like you’re living in the twilight zone 😂

“Parlor trick” practitioners of religion & mindfulness are some of the most narcissistic people I’ve known…blocked them from my Peace.

Narcissists pay because it gives them control. Period.

My parents have been generous and helpful which I am grateful for AND also they think paying for things for me even though I can pay for myself and don’t ask them to, somehow makes them saints and negates any abuse I have experienced from them. Fortunately I see the truth and know it’s not ok. I don’t let them pay for things for me much anymore because it feels like a trap to control me and to not take responsibility for their hurtful behaviours. Focusing on my health safety and autonomy. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

I grey-rocked my narcissistic roommate so well she broke our lease. idk whether to be upset or relieved 😅

I personally know several people like this. They use their "higher-power mindfulness meditating" behavior to immediately establish themselves as superior to everyone else. You are spot on. I have never heard someone describe this aspect of narcissists so well, thank you!

Prayer has become my narcissists favorite thing to do...and he often say "I'll pray for you" "I'll pray that you get the help you need"

Your absolutely right. You can't say anything about anyone that is cruel mean, if t You say anything ' your a hater , your a racist , they just love to label you. It's insane to play along with them .

She vacillated between cheerfulness and rage.I guess that’s why it took so long to disengage.

But all those things are things a narcissist cannot do. They can't learn how to not be a jerk, they are innately jerks

I was yelled at for opening his “meditation” room to tell him he had a call I thought he wanted to to take! I told you I was meditating. “I can’t believe you came in here to tell me that! “

I just sued and won. Yes it is costly and they keep doing it anyway

My husband is tall, 6'2". Whenever we are in a theatre or church, he never, ever, has been concerned about blocking someone's view. He gets mad if I do. 35 years.

My ex was the cheerful type and he literally has everybody fooled because he just got this good guy complex and nobody would think he would ever be the type to abuse anybody or financially abuse them or gas like them but they do know he lies a lot but they think he just likes to exaggerate things not necessarily that he’sNarcissist and it kills me. Very few people can actually see him just because he’s so happy all the time.

I first met a cheerful narcissist in 2011; so friendly, but it was just under the surface along with substance abuse. So glad they f-d up on the job, and got fired very very early on.

Brilliant compilation of videos. Awesome reminders!

Yeah I have ran into all types of narcissists!!! I agree with you!!! It’s not worth it, to be in a relationship with narcissists because their poison ☠️ will eventually get on the inside of everything about you!!!

My covert narc ex was always "working on herself". She changed therapists so much she was running out of therapists within an hour's drive. The "work" would also often center around exercise and weight loss(she's 5' and over 200 lbs which I didn't care about but she did because I'm 4" taller and weigh significantly less). She would ask me to remind her to go on walks then call to scream at me if I so much as texted "have you walked today?" She would also scream at me if I was hungry when she wasn't (tempting her with food apparently), if I didn't want to eat when she did, or if I didn't eat as much as her. (Both fat shaming apparently) I think all of this kinda fits under the "you interrupted my meditation" thing. Like I was interrupting her "wellness" things by having my AuDHD eating habits. She didn't even really eat on a schedule either. I was just supposed to only be hungry when she was and eat exactly the same as her even though it was too much for me and foods that make me feel sick in large amounts. And of course I couldn't ask her to eat loud things in another room or go elsewhere even though I have extreme sensory issues.

This was so very on target. The generous one, cheerful one, the smart one, and the toxic places are so “ON target”. I have finally let go of the generous one and the cheerful one only to hear her say that SHE were duped. “After all I did, my empathy for others just wasn’t appreciated.”. It is poison poured in ears. Also, I now must pay back their gifts. Well, lesson learned.

A part of the mask of my narcissistic ex was/is his generosity, until he wanted a divorce. That makes him feel like he is a good person, while he hates you underneath!

Worked for a love-bombing narcissist … took me quite a while to get a handle on her… having been subject to narcissistic abuse for 50 years( being love-bombed to start)

Yes! She (my “friend“) often portrays herself as kind and mindful but is instead impatient, self-centered, unempathic, competitive, angry, arrogant and rude (covertly).

This actually infiltrated the whole of the mental health department where i lived. I needed help about 8 years ago. All the practioners i met said there was nothing they could do except mindfulness and being in the moment. I needed to be away from the moment. Number one my narcissistic/ psychopathic mother had died( who i should have left years ago) aged 91 and i also felt very ill physically. This was because i was actually very physically ill and still didn’t have a diagnosis. I found my own way of mindfulness and that was activities that took me away from the moment like being in the garden and doing a little deadheading or colouring books. Things like that took me away from myself and i could feel better for moments. Being able to breathe right didnt help me too much as im asthmatic!

Omg. The competent Narcissist sounds like my Ex. And he would put people down to feel superior and get a laugh. He was really good at hiding the contempt from his coworkers, and instead directed it at me and my children. Then there was a coworker who was undermining me, omg - this description nailed them.

My narc-ex was generous when he was drunk or when he wanted something. The rest of the time he was an ass.

Saying they show up 4 hours late reminded me of a customer I had on Friday. She came in and asked to use the store's phone to call her husband, explaining that she was late for meeting him. I let her. As I handed her the phone she said she was supposed to meet him at 9. It was now almost noon! When he answered she explained that she was late because she was shopping. He hung up on her. She called back but he hung up as soon as she said hello. She tried 3 more times where he wouldn't even answer the phone. As she handed it back to me she said she didn't know why he wouldn't answer and I said maybe because he was mad at her. Her answer? "I don't know why he would be mad." She actually sounded perplexed as to why. Hmmmm... maybe because you were almost 3 hours late with a flimsy excuse?

they expect the echoist to be naive enough so that the victims can never recognize their 'rule ', but you show them that you know their evil intentions just once, they will change all over the tactics that they have been trying like the animals which hide their teeth when the prey is stronger than they expect. So, simply to say, never treat them with kindness, then they will be kind to you again.

I laughed SO hard at "I can't be around these people who don't know how to breath right" 😂

I’ve had several narcissistic people try to “buy” me with money or gifts. Now that I understand what they’re up to, I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty in taking whatever they’re offering, or refusing it. I don’t feel beholden to them either way. before I understood the motivation, I would fall for it. And I would feel guilty.

They never say they're sorry as there is no remorse. The religious part is so laughable as religious forgiveness is based on acknowledgement and sincerity to change. They are untouchable 😉

Narcs are not human...without any empathy at all...makes them monsters. I lived with one all my life...50 years. Yes I feel really stupid...now that I know he was hopeless as a real human. I had no idea...until Dr. Ramani. He doesn't even love his son...and he is an amazing man.

And the Oscar goes to..............!They are as fake as you make them and are actors and actresses!!!!

I have experienced generous narcissists and still do in my family system and it leaves me so confused(like I think to myself What the hell is going on here) so I disengage a lot and I do it for my mental health and it helps me a lot.(The So Called GIFTS Don’t Excuse Anything In My Opinion that’s why I disengage a lot) I have experience with the cheerful narcissists and the everything is so great attitude and they do tend to remember things(they said things like our family life is great and everything is great) I disengage again as well. The everything is good and great attitude can confuse the heck out of you it does with me. The competent narcissist can confuse you as well by being really good at one thing I experience this within my family system and in relationships as well. Honestly it’s simply a wicked mind F**k with narcissists it’s awful and terrible to be around them 😢😢😢😢

My in-laws shamed my sister in law for not being grateful enough for them paying for her schooling. They pretended that the money came from back breaking overtime pay, when in reality they used insurance money that was supposed to go to my sister in law for literally BREAKING HER BACK in a family car accident as a minor. My brother in now tries to shame my partner and I for cutting her parents off “after everything they’ve done for us” like talking about buying a mobile home for us to rent once very briefly in passing.

I just want to let you know as one of the many people I’m sure who feel this way… you are a gift to humanity. Thank you so, so much for your work

That's not the confusion I'm under being under widespread systemic abuse That we can never pinpoint the source of the situation that should be defending ourselves from

I'm grateful to you for sharing this great wisdom. Thank you very much.

Wow Dr. Ramani you are the very best. Thank you for being you, this is what you were born to do. You have all the right words to express what it feels like to live with a narcissist.

They get furious if you turn down the favor or $$ .. they believe they are entitled to abuse you and they will say so… they spent this money on you so you gave no right to protest or disagree with them.. no, it’s never worth it…I’d rather be a free poor person than a rich, non free, imprisoned person..

I feel like I deserve some kind of prize. Possibly the booby prize. 40 years with a narcissist and I’m JUST realizing it. Ugh. Why didn’t I see and understand it all?!

Dr Ramani I thought about what you've said about when a narcissist pay for something. Automatically I think that this is gonna cost and I preffer to pay my things or recently I don't go with them anywhere because I know they will collect and I will not like it... Sadly I think about that with anyone who wants to pay something for me... I don't like that feeling of being trapped...

Yes. My sister in-law (very cheerful ). My husband was, according to several psychologists that I have listened to on KZfaq, a tetrad the worst of the worst. Their mother was a narcissist and I testify to that. My husband passed before his mother passed …then the sister-in-law steps in to perpetuate the destruction of my family by trying to come between my children and I.

There behaviour changes, and suddenly they are fed up with your friendship so they eventually make up a story about you ,they blame you for something that you didn't do or doing, you have to be foucesd on your self so you'll se it's not true what they are trying to make you believe.

I mean I did wonder when I saw the way Tom Green was looking at Drew Barrymore in disbelief when she invited him on her show after icing him out for like 30 years talking something about how close they were as friends lol

Wow! Talk about hitting the nail on the head, a lot of confirmed aha moments here. Thank you Dr. Ramani for this wisdom and all that you do. 😊

I do. As matter of fact she is property manager CEO of complex. I left due behavior. I felt unsafe. 😢

That Movie with Jack Nickelson “ As Good As It Gets “ is about how “ she used in that quote; “As Good As It Gets “ .

I'm so grateful to be validated by this video for the money as control thing. I feel really stuck around this even though we aren't married and no longer even live together. I don't care about further financial help so much as I do about the claim that I'm ungrateful if I ever choose to find real love with someone else and feel so guilty about taking the financial help which always came at a time that I very much needed it and am very grateful for it. So I live a life without romantic love to maintain the status quo. You don't hear about this very often in discussions about narcissism. Thank you Dr. Ramani for recognizing this.

YES! Cheerful narcissist SO helpful. After being totally friend betrayed will not be hoodwinked again.

Wow. I love the end of the video when you’re discussing the workplace. Truth is a great thing to teach and learn. Thank you!

My mom is a cheerful an generous narcissist to the outside world. Just pretending to be the fun, generous, empathetic and sensitive. Even throws the dumb blond character in there. Always giving me compliments and calling me sweetheart. Such a good mommy. But at home she was just like every other narcissist. Angry. Everything that happened outside that she just dissociated through, came out inside the house. Throwing things around, yelling, picking fights, blaming everyone else, the usual. Nobody even believed me when I told them she was like that behind closed doors.

Thank you so much for sharing your on-point observations and wisdom. It has been so helpful to me.

I love this. #TrueMindfulness is where it's at. Not this #crazymaking #BS #GasLighting #NarcAbuse #Academia #Projection 🍵🧋⚕️🌹 This is #GoodMedicine. Happy SOLday, Dr Ramani!

I have been with 3 narcissists. They all behave the same way.

I'm aware of very few narcissists who do actually meditate. Sitting in a lotus position with your eyes closed is not meditating, just posing. The point is not to strike a certain pose, but get into a state of focus to self-investigate, to "sink in", and then work with that, and they're usually very afraid of what they see when they do (which is fair enough, it probably _is_ frightening and uncomfortable) and don't know where to go from there. Meditation pressuposses other abilities before you can proceed.

Mindfulness helped me slow down, and observe myself without judgement so I could welcome these emotions and thoughts without feeling overwhelmed or blocking them out. It brought clearer vision, understanding, compassion, and an overall better regulated internal system. I never raged anyway, and I still don't but I learnt to re parent that child within and allow her to feel safe and to prioritize well being. Spirituality, religion, profession, doesn't tell us anything in itself about a specific person, we rather ought to observe how they act, observe how we feel and process accordingly.

Thank you for responding. I am the one that was trying to stand up for myself and was mocked once again. By accident everything was deleated. I thank you for responding and I will go greyrock. I need to make this concrete and understand that they do not support my personhood,feelings etc. Thank you for responding it is so helpful and affirming.