I personally don't feel lonely when I'm alone. I feel peaceful. I felt lonely when I was with the narcissist.

I will date again. I'm not going to let some un-empathetic loser stop me. That means they win.

No. I am in my 70's. I enjoy traveling and doing my own thing too much to get involved with anyone ever again. I don't get lonely. There is nothing lonelier than a bad marriage.

I've given up investing in new relationships. My love story is with myself..

After 25+ years of feeling lonely, unseen and unsafe, I’ll focus on my children and good friends. Their love is safe and beautiful!

Not being lonely may be from getting out of hell and enjoying the peace! That’s where I am at 75!

I’ve been single for 5 years since being in a narcissistic relationship. It can be lonely sometimes, but at least it is peaceful. And most of the time, I am happy. I can’t picture myself trusting someone again.

I have not dated in 26 years (I’m like a nun!) and I don’t miss it at all. I enjoy my own company, have a small circle of good friends and my animals for company. I work with the general public and so have daily connections with others. I’ve just never felt lonely or in need of love since being exposed to narcissistic parents and partners early on. I love my inner peace.

Relationships are a risk. And no bad relationship of my past will ever make me stop believing in a true, healthy loving relationship for the future.

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

"It's easy for me to forgive you... but I will never forget that your words and your actions are how you show me the kind of person you really are."

Seriously 😂😂😂. PTSD, Rape Trauma Syndrome...nope. I have found my peace after years, and no one gets to disrupt it.

I refuse to date and get into a relationship with someone else. I'm finally on my own, and I only have to worry about me, myself, and I. I can finally breathe. Dating is stressful, and I've had enough stress to last me 5 lifetimes.

NEVER EVER AGAIN ...to painful.

I don’t feel the need to date ever again …after a 12 year nightmare I am happy by myself 💪🏽

I don’t think I’d ever date again.

I have no desire to date or find love again. I enjoy my peace of mind and self care time after years of abuse.

I look forward to the possibility of having a healthy and fulfilling relationship for the first time ever in my life.

8 years single after a lifetime of proximity to narcissistic abuse and I’ve never found myself feeling lonely at 10:30pm on a Friday. I have felt profound freedom, peace, courage, serenity, love for myself and my kids and my friends. But never lonely.

I don't think I will ever date again . 11 years of abuse ( mentally) . He has made me not even want to look at another man . I judge every one of them now as an abuser !!! It's sad !!

One day I'll be ready, not today!🎉

After dating a Christian woman and later marrying a Christian woman who was found as a covert religious narcissist. What I married never existed. I wasted another 7 years of my life. I’m done dating. I will continue to serve in my church until I am called home. I need to write a book.

I say I don't want relationship, because my past experiences give evidence that relationship is painful and lead to a form of metaphysical death. The brutal reality of my past informs my current fear. Deep down I do want a healthy relationship, but I don't believe I can ever have it, so I retreat to "I don't want a relationship."

My two favorite coaches! Saving lives ❤❤

Having recently come out of a mental/emotional narcissistic and alcoholic relationship, i think i need time to re-adjust my thinking about relationships. I love the chemistry when meeting someone new but as others have mentioned, chemistry can be a dangerous thing, too much too soon. I think i need to change my game and first and foremost learn to love myself and be happy in life by myself and not relying on others for my happiness.

Interesting that Dr. Rwas thoughtful enough to put MH's book on her shelf, but MH didn't think to make that gesture. Dr R is so kind, inclusive, and thoughtful!

Being a good person is a strength not a weakness. I often say this to narccy people who try to abuse my kindness

I had a date lined up for tonight but (respectfully) called it off because of my anxiety. The guy seemed very nice, and he took my cancellation gracefully. I'm still working out if my anxiety was over anything he did or if it's just me not being ready to date yet. The thought of anybody entering the peaceful space I've worked so hard to stabilize after divorcing my covert XH makes me cringe. The healing work continues.

Romance and love develops from friendship. Friendship is the solid foundation which will support most relationships through troubled times.

How to ease loneliness? Stop focusing on what you don't have and start valuing what you DO have. Truly value it. Because you could completely ruin it all by choosing the wrong person, just because you're lonely. Truly know what you have before you let anyone in.

Same as a lot here. Not interested in dating any man God himself will have to tap me on my shoulder and say this is the man for you. I have a wall up forever.

Nope. I know how good some people can hide their shadow shelf, and I know how many people are broken... the odds of working out are too low and the cost is too high. One almost killed me with the stress... not gonna let another finish me off. As for the desire to cleave, it is there in me, but NOT in so many others, so you just have to embrace the pain and move on to be the best you can be without narcissistic toxicity trying to dominate you.

Ehhhhh at this point I highly doubt it. Almost 7 years after my abusive narc relationship and I still cannot put myself out there. I did try with someone I knew from high school but I found myself apologizing for everything and feeling so awkward and uncomfortable that it made me seem like I was a total head case. Even when this guy I knew from school was the complete opposite of my ex and so completely sweet. I felt so awkward and weird and like I was not worthy enough to be around such a great guy. It’s hard to explain but i definitely felt like I was a crazy lady

Matthew comes across as a genuine person who has turned his pain into wisdom.

Absolutely!!! So much to look forward to with someone who is emotionally healthy and sound, with a healthy and humble Self Love. New chapters indeed! ❤❤❤

I enjoy being alone and having peace. If I'm lonely without a partner I remind myself how terrible being with someone and lonely really is.

I wish I could have that "informed love story" but once bitten, twice shy now. I know what attracted me to the narc was there was that chemistry . Now, I know that chemistry isn't necessarily healthy. As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I know what I need is someone who is emotionally healthy, mature and stable but my problem is I find all those things good but boring. I'm just not sure that "emotonally healthy, maure, stable AND interesting, stimulating and exciting" can co-exist in the same container.

These comments from the collective community are real and shared throughout. Praying for continued healing and thriving for all. ❤

For everyone in the comments saying “I don’t feel lonely” etc etc, this video is NOT for you! It’s for those of us, myself included, who are healing and still very much in need of a companion, but have not found our person. I really appreciated this video and look forward to getting Matthew’s book.

“ The Magic I am Missing is Me”; absofuckinglutely! 💗

Meanwhile, I always end up looking for love in places where people aren’t really serious about it. It’s like my love life is heavily endorsed by Murphy’s Law.

I listen to Dr Ramani for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She is the best.

Being with that narcissist ex wife was like being alone twice, me feeling alone and me being with her in that kind of empty presence. Being with myself feels more fulfilling.

What a fabulous conversation and just exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much, especially for speaking to those of us who are older and lonely. I am so encouraged! 💜

What a special end note, and conversation overall. I am deeply encouraged! My affirmation from this: Remember that so much of the magic that made my relationship special in so many ways is me and i took me with me in the divorce. Now it's about unleashing my magic in a new direction, to whomever is healthy enough to recognize and receive it. I am worthy of love, and I have so much to offer the world!

Gorgeous, heart-warming interview. Thank you both. Beautiful to witness Dr. Ramani's friendships.❤

The timing of this was impecable. I was literally talking to my female friend about a woman I am attracted to.

This woman is so amazing. Everything i struggled to understand my whole life she breaks it down in a few words. I love understanding.

I do love seeing you two together in conversation. Addressing the "cool girl" is important. Maybe we need to change what the definition of cool is. Because valuing yourself and others is cool. You can be fun but you don't have to change everything about yourself. I was the cool girl for almost 27 years.. Over the last year i have learned so much from both of you. Thank you so much. I am on a path towards loving myself and finding myself again. Much love to everyone doing the same.

Thank you for sharing this! My take away is letting go of our story and being grateful for what is already in our lives. It is a peaceful feeling. Telling ourselves and getting to the place where it is OKAY to not be in a relationship is freeing. It leaves us open to unexpected surprises!

Taking notes and saving this talk for many later listening. This is gold. 40 years of my life could be considered being chum for a overcrowded tank of narcissistic sharks. I am 45 now. I have a game now I play in my head. I pretend I am like Jane Goodall when I go out into the world. I take notes, make observations and report my findings to my therapist. I am a healing adult who is also learning how to be a healthy adult. It is kinda surreal

I met someone. I wasn’t trying to. We talked online for 2 1/2 months before we met in person. For awhile, I wasn’t sure what we were working towards but I enjoyed our conversations. We just came back from a weekend together and it was amazing. I was a nervous wreck before we went. I’m more anxious than I would like so I got back into therapy to talk some of this out. I’m doing things different. Boundaries and honesty. I don’t know if this is the “one” but it has helped me get back in touch with what I want and what’s important to me. I’m also lucky because he communicates well, is emotionally intelligent/available. The fact he has boundaries makes it easier to keep mine. The other thing I’m doing differently is I’m maintaining my friendships and hobbies and interests. He’s supportive of all of that. If I hadn’t just happened upon this relationship, I’m not sure if I would look for someone. I’m glad for it though. And know if this doesn’t work out, I’ll be ok no matter what.

I just want to say thank you for this AMAZING interview!! Thank you for both your books! Thank you for being a life line to me!!! I will invest and get LOVE LIFE as soon as I can. As a 5.5 year recovering narc abused , I just felt like I can breathe again after this interview. I also realised after having a 10 min melt down this morning, from overload from this world and all the passwords and apps and logistics around just trying to change vehicle insurance... we live in NO NORMAL times. Just to get through a day in this age of technology without loosing your marbles is a HUGE task. And this just re iterates, how much more we NEEDD community and love to survive. Then added that constant nervous system exhaustion of recovering from narcs, I now get why, I worked in a company and a new boss came on. I walked out after 5 months, he is a narc, and I slept all hours of the day for about 3 weeks. NOW I understand why. My poor nervous system. Bless you both!!!!! Your work is sooo needed!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Was isolated and confused for so many years. All the lies, accusations. Serial cheater. I would fight back, and cheat on him. Never for the right reasons. I became someone I never was. Insecure and questioning my every thought. When someone makes you second guess, walk on eggshells and keep you hoping today will be a good day. You should never have to “hope” nothing will happen. Not have anxiety about his phone. I’ve never had anyone make me feel so crazy. I didn’t realize a narcissist can’t truly love or be loved. He’s 66 and still getting his supply. It’s when I finally got away, it wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough. He will never be satisfied. It’s the chase, the ego. That’s a sign of a truly insecure man. The roller coaster is what they create and thrive on. I’m 48, I’m ok being in my solitude. I hope time heals.

Matt is so sincere and so open that he deserves every part of fulfilment in life that he yearns for. An amazing discussion.❤

What a beautiful moment. Dr. Ramani and Matthew Hussey are the precious humans who have given me a significant amount of hope, support, and who have guided me in my deepest and darkest moments in life. They truly did provide an abundance of clarity and peace when I struggled navigating circumstances and recalibrated the relationships in my life. Myself included. I feel overwhelmed watching these two share love and gratitude for each other. What a blessing ❤ thank you 🙏🏼

Matthew is spot on. 👌 However, vulnerability is strength 💪 in the long term. I show vulnerability by being honest, expressing my values, norms, morals, standards, ethics, wants, needs, rights and responsibilities, and duties as a social being. Oh, and trust is earned through behaviour and acts of kindness. Words and promises mean very little if they don't align to behaviours.

Learning and healing over time, and THEN dating, enabled me to find out what I really want in a partner, and after kissing a few ‘frogs’ I have found a beautiful man with which to share my life ❤. Don’t give up! Xx

It’s been 1 1/2 yrs since I removed and blocked the Narc from my life. I’m trying to find myself. Recently I met a man as a friend. He may want more. I still don’t trust men. I’m afraid I’ll be lied to and manipulated. I have the uncomfortable feeling of being judged. My lack of trust is disturbing and I still feel vulnerable. I may need to move away emotionally from getting close. I don’t want to be conned again.

This conversation I just have to say again.Is so beautiful so authentic and so you're probably needed.Thank you so much to both of you.

What a fantastic and fascinating discussion. I've come away from this with a new perspective. Well done on this, I needed to hear this right now nearing the end of my healing!

I really appreciate the raw and real conversations. I relate to much of this and am so grateful for reference to the grieving process of being single and stripping away the shame of not being able to find love and feeling exhausted trying through so many avenues including loads of professional help. It's so refreshing having Dr Ramani and Matt talking about the real challenges single people really trying to find love...I really hope these conversations become the norm to reduce the impact of hidden shame people may carry in this area of life. I think it's so important to acknowledge the grief a person may experience if they miss out on creating family, despite having tried in earnest to find their person and not wanting / able to choose to walk the road of parenthood solo...this grief is really real and raw and these conversations need to be the norm.

This is real talk, when you said early on when you just meet someone our intentions are not to the other person, they were to ourselves, that is so profound!

I'm 65 and trying dating apps. It's the most difficult and frankly depressing process. As mentioned the ghosting the users those who communicate for a while then just disappear etc. I have a great life but I want to find love again...so difficult

Such an amazing conversation I love the " being a toddler in some areas of my life where others may be an adult" ❤

I felt it.. the losing hope, the thing that Matthew said about his pain “I don’t know what to do about it anymore”. I feel like every single coach that I had, and/or the therapy and no results showing for me in my relationships was truly disheartening😢 Yeah, I don’t know what to do anymore, and I’ve done it all

Thank you for this Doctor 🩵

yes, date again, I didn't let my ex girlfriend to control my future .... don't let narcissist abusers ( men or women) control your future too !!

This is excellent. Say what's on your heart! All you do is weed people out. Their reaction is telling about the kind of person they are.

Amazing !so informative! I’m 64 now and after a childhood with a narcissist mother and 34 years in an abusive narcissistic marriage , I am now separated for 5 years, I must admit I yearn to experience being loved, I have been on a healing journey and I’ve changed and found myself, I am now ready and open for love and I feel that it will happen…sending you all Love&Light🙏🏽❤️

I have been in a relationship with a man with narcissistic traits for 13 years. I finally came to my senses and left him. I met a wonderful man, and although it is really new, it is so refreshing to be with someone I can actually talk to without being careful what I say. I can actually be my true self. I feel myself falling in love too fast. This is all new territory for me, and I am unsure if I am doing it correctly. But I am going in it truthfully, and if he is being as truthful with me, I hope this thing can work out. I see how he has insecurities as well. But the difference is he communicates what he is feeling, and then we have a conversation about it, and then everything feels better afterward because we both know where each other stands. I've never had a man deal with a relationship like that. And I am truly blessed to have found him. I pray that this is a relationship that will last a lifetime. Only time will tell if we are compatible, but it is perfect for now. So, for all those who comment negatively, I am commenting that there is hope. Have faith, and never lose faith. It could happen when you least expect it.

I love when you do live streams, especially with folks like Matthew! So looking forward to this recorded one. Thank you.

I still have a desire to find the relationship I’ve been looking for, despite the torturous relationships of the past. Two narcissists ex husbands and recent ex bf who is BPD with narcissistic tendencies. After being raised by a narcissist parent, I am finally on a path to healing. I still have hope for love.

Thank you for a beautiful podcast. Life is beautiful and worth living. Overcoming challenges and becoming new versions of yourself , the courage to transform and enjoy new adventures.. thank you always dr. Ramany.

To be honest, I`m not sure human relationship is really meaningful, because I have already seen so many slaughters of souls in the relationships with human, it could be meaningful but it is mostly risky. So, I think it could be one option to abandon the desire for attachement with human and try to respect the desire to be authentic with myself. Anyway, that was the vice versa in my past life, when I needed to get attached to people, I should kill a part of myself, I don't think most of relationship with humans is not more than the evil or violence, So Here, to be courageous to be more solitary and more lonely seems like the key for me to love my life more, to be authentic with myself. That is the most valuable truth that I got from this whole painful process of surviving. The world and the human, the respect on those have been changed very deeply. As long as I keep the hope for that as I used to be, I`m sure I`d be the prey again, 100%. And that is the human. There must be sth destructive in the relationships with them. The good in relationship is good, yes it is soso. But the bad in relationship almost kill all of my life including my ego, my healthy concept for life. The society keeps gaslighting me to get involved in OTHERS than me, but the most truthful and impactful power in society is just money as the power, and the other meanings or virtues , attachments seem like all illusions that I must have to survive when I was young when I could not survive without OTHERS, but now, I can survive without them, and I just wanna be myself which was deprived of to survive serving the desires and the virtues of others, and to be more honest, I’m so sick of all the things related to OTHERS meaningfully, I still need OTHERS of course to survive, but I’m sick and tired of finding the meaning in OTHERS. Since I recognise that others are not that meaningful to get interested while I abandon a part of myself. Rather I wanna find more meanings in myself, to take back any parts of myself which I MUST neglect or abandon for others. The rule of game was catched, and I don’t wanna get fooled around wasting my time and energy for those meaningless others. I just wanna spend any single of my energy for myself since it was totally prohibited in the relationship with the first humans, parents. My all energy is supposed to use for them.

I grew up the scapegoat of the narcissistic parent and jumped right into a narcissistic marriage. 37 years later, I am a widow suddenly, and I don’t want to date again I don’t want to need anybody and I don’t want to search for anybody. I find peace and happiness alone, and it’s hard to think that there might be something wrong with me enjoying being alone.

of course, date again, am dating after 2 years walked away from the ex narcissist abuser girlfriend ... this time with all lessons lerned ... 👍

Its been 3 years since my narc relationship ended only now I am coming out of the shadow of this relationship.

Thank you Matthew and Ramani❤❤❤❤

It was a blessing & a curse for me. I learned precious life lessons & taught valuable boundaries. I am healing its a wonderful journey. The good karma reiterates I was a good person that was taken advantaged by a broken, unhealed person. I recognized, I blocked, I accepted another life lesson.

It is so sweet that Dr. Ramani has Mathew’s book up with hers on her book shelf!!!

I’m embracing being single for the rest of my life.. I’m a guy & I feel today… there’s really no one out there that’s … worth giving a shot to.. it’s just not worth the effort or heart ache if & when they decide to upgrade… they’re always on the look out anyways… better safe alone!!

Being replaced is so painful...

This is an incredible message. Thank you so much!

Great issue you bring up! Thank You so much for the help! 😊❤

This is what I needed to hear, thank you.

Thank you so much for this conversation! It was very helpful❤️

One will never find love outside one's self or in another person. We must seek and find the abundance of the love that we are. Once we love ourselves, we hopefully will be able to accept that love from another.

This was EXTREMELY valuable!! Thank you so much for this!!

Ordered the book. Both of you are wonderful folks!❤

YES... I believe that when it's true love 💙 it NEVER fails/it will CONQUER all.

His words at the end DEFINITELY hits ❤ thank you Matthew. Cant wait to read his book 👏🏾

❤omgosh I absolutely love this topic. Thank you for sharing this and validating the people 🙏🏽 that have been deeply wounded but still have so much love to offer. God Bless 🙌🏾 both of you.

Look forward to listening to this and 2 of my favorites and much respect to you both! Thanks for your help for humanity, for better relationships, better world.

Beautiful talk, very inspiring ❤

A conversation full of wisdom. Thank you both very much ❤

I love what Matt said about the Magic in us and the adventures that await for all of us! I resonate with all of that! Congratulations on your new book!🎉 📕 ❤

I agree…there’s a difference between instinct and intuition. Instinct can perhaps be a little impulsive, whereas intuition is a developed sense of how to be healthy with discernment (notice this is not judgment). For example, intuition may help you pay attention to a red flag, but instinct could make you ignore the red flag.

I don't ever want to date again. I love my freedom after having someone in my business for many years. I can't deal with any negativity anymore. My peace is worth more than any relationship and I still get asked out.

timely conversation and both speakers were great. It's a process that's for sure.