1. Overwhelmed ->to escape 2. Loneliness ->to cling 3. Fearfulness ->to control

“People who hurt you are a setback to your healing.” Profound statement to me. 💛

This video is so perfect. I was triggered this entire week. Mine is a sudden rush of adrenaline and depressive emotions, it was so hard to calm back down but I did recognize what was happening. It’s also kind of annoying because people don’t understand how it feels. They think it’s all about getting in control of your emotions but I feel like it crosses a threshold where the emotion isn’t the problem but my body’s reaction is.

Eliminating coffee, most sugar and light exercise has really helped me be more in control of my emotions. Part of my neglect relates to food. I never learned to like foods that were good for me. I ate what was available and then continued eating that way. The difference is really incredible. I don't feel like I need another person or substance to "complete me." For the most part I feel comfortable in my own skin. I exercise lightly because some strenuous exercise can exacerbate cortisol levels.

I have been a self saboteur for too long now. A couple days ago I chose to drink and woke up feeling dreadful and extremely dysregulated. I accidentally stumbled on your channel when trying to find videos of how to respond more effectively to triggers. When I drink, my personality changes and I get angry and lash out. I have sadly pushed away many people in my life from doing this and it has to stop. I am 48 and do not want to spend the next half of my life feeling to way I have for almost 9 years thanks to one toxic relationship I had post -divorce. This one incident re-opened my childhood wounds of abandonment and rejection. I have been marathon watching your videos and your insights have really resonated with me. I am considering AA as I feel disconnected from people since the pandemic. You have given me hope that I can still heal at my age. Thank you so much.

I feel like your recent videos have been coming out with perfect timing. It's like your literally my little godfairy on my shoulder seeing and hearing everything that im going through. Joining me in my meditation and then helping me come to my answers and conclusions. Thankyou for saving myself and many other from more years of emotional damage I know I'm over it. And this is helping me alot!

Wow, that's where I've been since my daughter died. I already had CPTSD now the anger from my daughter's death (medical murder) and PTSD from the month in the hospital are overwhelming most of the time. Anger has been a primary emotion. From you now I know that I've been disregulated. No therapist I've ever had (there were many) ever told me that is what is going on. I have popped off with my mouth and my middle finger in public at least once. Before I found your video's. Since I have been watching you, I was able to walk my self out of the house before I had a full blown thowin' shit hissy fit. It started, but it only took me a minute to catch myself. Thank you, I'm still trying to write to you. I am mostly still dysfunctional after a year. Your videos have been helping me out of the darkest place I've ever been. I thought I lost it 12 years ago when my mom died, but that was just a sliver of grief.

My biggest triggers are FEAR, loneliness, rejection and abandonment/betrayal. I started doing a fear inventory in AA but I learned it here first even though I have been going to AA for years. It works like a charm. The key for me is praying to God that God will remove the fear before and after the inventory. I also can do it in my head if I notice fear creep in throughout the day. Also, acting "as-if" I am calm and envisioning what it would be like to experience a sense of ease helps too.

My husband and I are both trauma survivors and just started a healing process. Separate and together. This shit is heavy at times. In our first marriage counseling session, he denied any child hood trauma. The therapist noticed the look on my face and pulled out what he was pushing down. Grateful for your platform whilst navigating all.I found you during the pandemic and have been using your techniques for myself. Separate of my marriage.

This video will need to be seen again and again to really stop behaving like this. Thank you Dear Fairy. You were the one who got me to realise that i had CPTSD. I have improved so much since then. Immense gratitude 🙏🏽

Awareness is the first step in making meaningful changes. Dear Fairy, this is another great video that shows us how to change. I was very much disregulated most of my adult life, feeling that I was on a roller coaster permanently. Now I still get triggered and still feel the rush of adrenaline traveling though in my body, but now I am aware of my physical reactions. When it happens, part of me wants to do something immediately/react, but now part of me knows I should not act on my feelings. Now I go out for a run/hike, or do something else to distance myself from the trigger and calm myself down. Usually the situation isn't as bad as my traumatized brain believed: it was not life or death, and there are always options other than overreaction. To me, the idea of thinking about, and actually finding other option is growth.

Rarely do you find resources on the internet that are so powerful and practical at the same time. ❤

It's been about 3 weeks since I started doing the daily practice, and I can now tell when I'm trigger, (my amigdala is over reacting) vs an actual threat from something or someone. So, I quickly notice I'm dysregulated and take action to get regulated. Or, I take appropriate action if the threat is real. A new definition of self-control. Thank you Anna. ❤😊🎉

I just absolutely love you Anna! Thank you so much. I'm in the isolation right now because of dysregulation. I'm trying but today has just been a day I couldn't even get out of bed but for a few minutes at a time. I know, it will pass. Today is just a day to try.

Thank you for sharing this Escape Cling Control Wow!

Bro the jacket thing & the emotional control. Fuck the nightmares stopped recently, i always think of the line in Blazing Saddles "gentleman, rest tour sphincters" bro. Nightmares every night, all night. Gone. Im still humiliated by the last 2 years at this job, im in my mid 30s. Dude i am like right in the zone that OP keeps speaking about. My panic attacks start but my heart doesn't go beyond, like im not breakingdown. Oh my god....to actually feel emotional regulation...i keep getting scared my fear will go back like before This recently stopped like a month ago for the first time in my life....FUUUUUuuuuuu *phew* Thank you from a fan!

While these are true, and definitely things to be aware of, actively work on, etc., it is also important to understand how toxic for example, many workplaces and other people can be. We have organizations such as EEOC Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, family court, etc., because the world at large is dysregulated. I've seen people from dysfunctional backgrounds walk in lock-step with extremely oppressive partners, and jobs. It is important to speak up for yourself and have backbone while also not exploring in anger. I've found that the dysfunction of others around me has been alarming and sad. Only a very small slice of the society is functional. In the midst of all this, it's hard to generalize as there are so few that came from families that modeled good relating and emotional regulation. Love to All ♥️

Needed to hear this so much today! Job is stressful and I'm about to get triggered and just walk out! LoL they deserve it! But I'm going to be less triggered and take my time and quit when I'm ready. Not going to let them control my emotions or my life! Thank you so much!

Thank you. It's helpful to have a filter to find those cost more than giving behaviours and know how to evaluate the behaviour that seems to happen to me. My problem for years, is a deep rooted fear to connect. I noticed it (felt not only thinking about) only a few weeks ago. It's like i feel the natural need to connect and when connection starts to happen it is like a reflex when i lay my hand on a really hot stove. This urge to pull back comes with a my survival depends on intensity. For decades i have been isolating as good as possible. From a few weeks after birth till age 35, I'm now 37. Now I'm part of two single parent groups. I work with a family helper and own my lack of experience in being social. I'm kind, I'm loving, I'm smiling, i communicate my boundary's if i notice them what's difficult with all the impulses that i need to sort out and evalue consciously not to mention catch those fast butterfly's in time. So often I'm busy within myself micromanaging my responses to triggers. Long term low grade trauma resulting in nearly everything is triggering. Normal smells like cigarettes, alcohol, the smell of fear sweat, raised voices, loud noises, movements on the edge of my vision field/ and behind me. The smell of weed, men (I'm so sorry for this one 😓), being watched... I really do my best to have a growth mindset, know that the fear i feel deep inside(the hot stove) isn't about the present it's from a past wound and the automatic reaction is the best answer i had back then and now it's time to work on this best answer of a six week old to address the lack of safe to bond with people around, to match my current season of live. It's so helpful to have some orientation when do i fall into those once best answers to once overwhelming problems. That not fit any longer, that long-term harm myself like... Feeling lonely and sweetening the deal to stay in a safe distance with sweets. I accept that i use this high cost solution and that's why I'm moving myself foreward to keep this socializing muscle in training. I already realize that my longing for sweets is gone after having nourishing contact with safe people. As well as wenn connected with myself after intense movement sessions. I now celebrate that i have people i feel safe with in my live and find (struggle) my way how to bond with my hurtful experiences. A very warm Thank you for refining my focus with this video.

I find that the less time I spend with the majority of my family the better I feel. They trigger me with how they are I recently reported 2 very serious sexual assualts that happened when I was 13 through 14 by my mother's ex And I wish I was exaggerating this. She looked me in my face and said "I don't know how he could of done that to you because he was boring in bed with me , he'd only do missionary" And it made me feel so low and angry. I've also got a massive cold sore, 5 mouth ulcers just thinking about all the stress of what's coming. I constantly feel sick too. My behaviours and symptoms are running my life. They decide my future ATM.

This is exactly what I experience. The fact that you are older is comforting to me. You are exactly on point and bring an intelligent compassionate understanding awareness to an issue so many people experience and has been overlooked for so long. You have made a platform for me on which to stand and discover who I truly am. Thanks. 🙂❤

Thank God for Anna! I just had much difficulty with my nephew, who is over 50 and v much been poisoned against me by my older sister, the narcissist. He's insulting me now, like doing her dirty work. I tried get support on help line, and the counselor did NOT know how to just validate me. When I hear Anna's videos, it's validating because she's saying " if you're feeling crazy, invalidated, etc, here's something". She's been through enough to know you might need really not be much involved w relatives. Sad but TRUE! I can't have any problems w them or they label me as " all about you" or " too wrapped up w yourself! Like your not allowed take care of yourself. Narcissists, are actually very NEEDY! That's why they try to reverse it onto YOU!

Omg! I have everyone of those self-defeating behavior. Except for dishonesty and drug use. At least I'm an honest non-criminal mess!

Not wanting to be with some individuals that were too toxic I reacted to my discerment in order to remove myself from them permanently. I could have walked away and politely avoided them. Although I see them weekly difficult to avoid and really telling them I don't want interactions. They are emotionally and mentally dysregulated. No other way around this. I haven't gossip but I'm positive they have. My responsibility is to be very careful to listen to the bright red flags in both cases. Therfore be superficially polite and Stay out of trouble. Meaning if I would have believed the red flags initially I wouldn't have had to go through another testing. Unavailable person push pull, the other one false quick friendship for information regarding her agenda. No more Unavailables and fake friendship.

I’m truly grateful for this upload. I had a rage moment this morning and this was the first video I saw afterward. Wow.

Ana can you do a video on how to deal with an arrogant person or someone who behaves by belittling you at work. there’s been times where this has happened to me and I freeze. It takes a day or two to process other ppls bad behavior. Then I realize I should of said something.

Was always Overwhelmed and Scared, but I could "handle" it, and folks could "handle" me. My need to work again brought out Lonely, and a flood of toxicity. Sucks when your stuff is too hard to keep to yourself 😬

So many of these videos resonate with me and are things that I feel/do. However, I had a relatively good childhood. It was school and sibling rivalry which affected me. It wasn’t my parents. But I struggle a lot now feeling like I’m going to be overlooked, overshadowed and left out. I get so worked up in the moment and become so overwhelmed when I feel people are drifting away. Thank you so much, Anna, and the rest of the CCF team. Your work is amazing!! ❤️❤️❤️

I have so many of these self-defeating behaviors. I’m doing better than I used to after years of work. Still, I think I have a long way to go. Your videos remind me of that

This is a classic, timeless video of enduring wisdom. Anna, you hit a home run with this powerful and relevant video. As I listened, on every self-sabotaging behavior, I asked myself - "Am I doing this now or have I done this previously?" Outstanding presentation - A Top 10 Anna Classic!!

You are an amazing, inspiring human and an excellent teacher!

I so so appreciate the time you took to make this video with such quality. It is changing my life.

I have been like this all day today. 😮 At home; but i’m definitely going thru it. I can feel the dysregualtion affecting my whole body. I just played this and you explained my behaviour. I can’t let it go.

I will tackle my problem of not getting enough gym time. I asked my brother for help, and he wants to support me. 🤗 Every Sunday at 8 PM, he will phone me and help me get out of the house to the gym, no regards of the weather or excuses. I really tried alone but I cant motivate myself. It's too hard for me, I need outside support 😅

Thank you Anna! Your so calming to listen to with my journal.

I think you’re a life saver. Thank you.

Perfect timing on this video.

This is spot on for me. Thank you ❤

Huge insight here, I appreciate the clear presentation and practical applications, thanks.

Let’s face it, everything isn’t always due to a PTSD trigger. Sometimes people are so self-absorbed, lack manners, and push boundaries unconsciously. It isn’t always our ‘overreaction’. But I have found walking away the best option…but there have been times where I call them out, and I try to do it rationally. I am not always successful.

I quit my job a month ago because I was very triggered by ongoing behavior by a coworker. I had been overwhelmed, lonely, and fearful for six months. There was a straw that broke the camel’s back, I got disregulated, I snapped, could not calm down, and quit. No job in the wings. Wish I had had this video first.

This is so good!! Thank you for sharing these insights.

Thank you for being you & all you do for us!! You're videos are Spot On. I cannot thank you enough 💕💕💕💕💕

Thank you for this so valuable knowledge

You are so amazing! Thank you for all your videos. You have been the key to my healing and understanding of what's been going on in me and why. I can identify with everything you said and can recognize myself in them, but am so grateful to see how far I've come in my healing. Recognizing when I'm triggered has been a tremendous help in avoiding the next step into destructive behaviors. Cognitive alertness and self control are working. Thank you so much for your videos. ❤ One thing I'm still working on is forgiving myself for who I became in my life when I didn't understand that I was walking in survival because of being dis regulated for sometimes years... thru my children's young ages. There's nothing you can do to change or undo what, as a mother, I wasn' t able to be for them. 💔 Any advice? Im guessing only to give ourselves grace. The grace that I more easily have given to others. Again Anna, thank you. You are a sweetheart. Oh how I wish I could find a friend like you!

Me too needed this today. Thank you!

You are an angel. Thank you. As I listen to this, it all seems to make sense. I've been lost in a fog for too long. Trying to understand I can't figure it all out. Until I saw a couple of your videos you are an instrument of a higher power. Truly are blessing. Thank you

This is so bang on!!! I am going through all these three emotions currently! Overwhelmed, lonely, scared, guilty and ashamed. 😭 Idk how to handle it!! I was supposed to send a test to get a new job as I am a content developer looking for new job. My interview went very well but tests scare me in general and especially when there is a deadline. I don't think 9-5 jobs us for me but i don't know what else to do. I am going crazy. I get good jobs but i always sabotage them coz I get disregulated and don't complete the work on time also I have behavioural issues. My husband doesn't understand but still supports me. But i think it's just a matter of time that he will get irritated by this and I won't blame him at all.

I Watch your videos just two days ago since then I watched already 15 videos. I really enjoy watching you talking, like someone understand me, just watch it I feel I am getting better. Thank you. I will share your videos to more people, there are so many women I know they suffer from childhood trauma, CPTSD.

Thank you! I watched the video twice. I kept spacing out the first time, which was my clue that I really needed to HEAR this tonight.

Omg! I sadly do all these behaviors you described. Yikes.

Thank you so much for this - lots of invaluable information delivered in a friendly calm way as usual. Your videos help me so much

I go off on people and burn bridges. It is very destructive and I work on this continually. I also have a hard time believing the sincerity of apologies. Huge issues for me. Wreaks havoc on my relationships. But I believe I can heal and I will.

Oh that explains why I've been in such a wreck last few months, breaking completely down a couple of days ago. I feel overwhelmed, afraid and lonely all at the same time, lmao.

Well said

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="111">1:51</a>, agreed

Ahhh now I see why I have to be in control of everything! 😵‍💫

An exceptionally good presentation . Thank you so much for your knowledge and generosity 🙏

thank you! What a wise perceptive video!

Thank youuuuuuu... I felt so heard and understood.💗🙏🏻

I’m overwhelmed by all the things applicable to me. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi because it doesn’t seem like there’s any hope of repairing such a long list in my lifetime.

Oh goodness.. thank you..

Thank you fairy!! You are So Helpful to me!!! 🌈❤

I once kicked a tv over but I still blame Rush Limbaugh. This is an amazing video. Thank you so much.

Thanks, as always 💜

Overwhelmed is a great example as it also connects to Sensory Affective parts of the brain.

~Going to doctors isnt necessarily that great for one's health these days~Eating right, and taking care of yourself naturally, or maybe treating things with natural remedies is likely a better path than pharma pills, etc., which often dont heal, but just cover up symptoms~

I've downloaded your free download but I'm so sorry I've not started yet my brain don't work and it's hard to keep to much information in I've only just found out that I've had cPtsd for 50 years and didn't know it was a thing as well as other things I won't get into I'm waiting for a plan on what they are planning for me but you make so much sense and I want to thank you for your vlogs life has always been not the best but you just deal with it but since my break down 10 years ago I can't anymore and this is where hopefully you and what ever the plan is will help get me your amazing thank you 🙏

Learn new behaviors for me. Is the change for me.

Wow. Some of these are still a problem but I hadnt realised how many have dramatically improved over time, or healed all together. Moving ahead slowly can feel like standing still...til you look back, or you get a map like this, reminding you where you've been, and you can see just how far you've come. Still a way to go but at least now I know it can be done.

I am 53 and giving up on dating is the kindest thing I've done for myself in 30 years. I enjoy this equilibrium I have now. I concentrate on my relationship with my children 19 and 16. I did just go for an interview for the grade above and for the first time I really really prepared properly. I have failed to go up a grade a few times now and I still don't think I got it this time. It is occasions like this where I'm ''tested'' by the real world that I still feel different from other people. Literally every other person I started work with as a clerical officer has progressed through the regulated standard testing to go up the grade above, but every time I fall down at interview. It did upset me and de-rail me before. Would it be ''avoidant'' to give up trying or would it be more kindness to my self?

Kudos for making up the term "covert avoident". It caught my attension right away, and gave me a lot to think about. ❤️

Trigger - wine and emotional suppression. That's what I'm doing.

So what is a proper behavior? I was literally brought up in what seems now like a purely traumatic childhood 😄

Amen

Triggers are a tough journey to step away from. Hypervidulant nerves spark the brain automatically in stressful situations. Reflex action Fight or flight

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="420">7:0</a> escape : overwhelmed

Listening to this video left me surprised, as almost every single point applies to my ex who I've thought is actually a covert narcissist. What would be the difference between the two, and the difference with someone with only C-PTSD and someone with C-PTSD and narcissistic personality disorder? Thank you for such educative and helpful content, my mental state is also truly benefitting from the daily practice!

Thank you. I really needed to hear this today. My reactions make a bit more sense to me now.

What if you just let yourself down? I told myself I wouldn't let this financial salesman get all my info but i,gave it to him. What the h -- is happening? I can't trust myself!! So then I start overeating.. fear?

Great content ! Can we have this content in blog format ?

Amazing video! Why didn’t I watch this as soon as I saw it pop up on KZfaq yesterday? I saved it to watch later. I was triggered over the weekend and tried to control the situation by writing a letter. This did not go well and my attorney removed himself from my case:/ Now I’m stressed trying to find new representation.

I've listened to 4 or five of your brilliant explanations. After 3 or 4 minutes, every time I start talking out loud and not hearing you. I then snap back and listen again. This sometimes happens 2 or even 3 times. I couldn't not have trauma, I think the fight where I stabbed my male parent( I don't use the d word or f word for him) at 14 when he was drunk and violent was a clincher. You're a ripper hun. X

I used to make fun of the concept of 'being triggered' until I realized I myself was full of these trauma responses. Admittedly sometimes they take a comical turn as mental illness can be funny at times when it turns into a Seinfeld-esque rant about all the things that are pissing you off at once. Today's thing that really grinds my gears? Automated hotel kiosks.

Real mvp

Another thing for me to work on....

I know I have CPTSD because of your videos and my life journey. But every time you talk I hear ding Ding DING..that's me... Not I'd course all traits..but the ones which align with my CPTSD

I love you

Feeling overwhelmed is a little confused for me. The word that actually mean the same emotion in my language is different from English. It's the phrase " Feel too much to handle" The language barrier make it a lot harder for a Thai like me to understand, especially something abstract.

Not what i expected....i thiught shame would be one

I’m in the midst of a shit storm of ALL 3 of these right now. It’s so bad that I can’t sleep more than 3 hours at a time. I feel like I’m teetering on the edge.

Narcs play the copycat game. They are masters at getting to know you and copycatting you. You actually are falling in love w yourself. You're pretty darn amazing I might added. Then they stop copycatting you which is aka the discard. And "you" gets taken away from you or at least it feels that way and that's some painful shhh... and that's why you're so sad bc you love yourself and you miss you. The Good news, actually Great news, is that once this clicks with you, you realize you always have you and no one can take that awesome soul out of you. Much love and light to ya wll❤ PS. Don’t start copycatting the narcs, they hope you do but stay true to you instead.

Between gut feelings I can not trust, things I should not under react to and now reactions that trigger self defeating behaviour, ngl I'm lost. I don't know how to be normal.

What about insecure?

Ana, thank you so much for your videos. I watched all of them. Very helpful One question though. I am paralyzed and cannot physically do your daily technique. Although I think it is great. I tried Recording but it is not the same. Any advice?

O.m.g

Trauma/ PTSD here. What, in your opinion do you recommend when one is triggered and anger & rage occurs? I find it’s so complex.

What do you do to repair the damage from self-sabotaging behaviors?

Thought of the day. There's two types of people in the world, those that search for reasons to validate/accept others and those that search for reasons to invalidate/reject others. I think the latter won in me as I always am looking for reasons to reject myself. I'm struck daily as you seem to be one of the former. This presents a problem to me as I think I came to bitterly believe only the latter exists. Reality seems to be showing me I harbor a lot of faulty beliefs. And overwhelm is my reaction as I don't think I have ever modified a faulty belief before.

And what about medical debt mixed with addiction and PTSD?