Things musicians never say to girls: "I play bass"

" you wanna go to mcdonalds sometime? " smooth.

"I'm really good with my hands, especially when I play the g string" For the win!

"how much money did you make?" "uhmmm it's not really important. .."

"Do you wanna hear my band?" Proceeds to play my bands song.... -____- damn it Jared.

LOL

give her the D chord

I wonder if Jared actually used any of these lines to get her lol

"Progressive vegetarian grind core" hahaha, pissed my fucking pants!

John Petrucci and I had eye contact for a solid 4 seconds. It was magic.

"Hey I play the drums, and I like to bang."

"Progressive vegetarian grindcore"

actual real life footage of me talking to girls.

Once, a girl was doing some door-to-door selling her bands album, when she came to mine, I told her I was musician and that I would support their band by buying the album even though it wasn't my type of music. I told her I was a experimental bass player, using the instrument as a lead, she seemed kinda interested. I told her I had some stuff recorded but that it was pretty bad, poor audio quality, sloppy playing, her expression changed. Finally I asked her if she wanted to hear me play some of my music to her, she turned around and just walked away without saying a word. I regretted buying the album immediately after and I never even once listened to it.

at least they have something to say to them, i'm too shy to talk with girls.

I once had a dude at a party basically undress me with his eyes and then made out he was looking at my slayer shirt by going "DUDE I LOVE THAT BAND! MY BAND COVER THEIR SONGS ALL THE TIME!" And I was like "oh really what songs of theirs have you covered?" And he replied with "oh...you know...all the big, most famous songs by them...." I cracked up laughing and was like "you've never heard of slayer before have you..." And we ended up bonding over slayer and becoming best friends and I hooked him up with one of my friends and they've been together for about 3 years now 😆

Typical conversation: * Me and [random girl] chatting about life * Me: So, what music do you listen to? Girl: I like [insert musician/band name here]. What about you? Me: Oh, uh... I just listen to metal. Girl: Oh, that's cool. What bands do you like? Me: Well, I like this one band called Periphery... Girl: Who are they? Me: They're kind of a tech-y metal band, they play in a style called 'djent'... Girl: Oh, nice... * UNBREAKABLE AWKWARD SILENCE *

lol "progressive vegetarian grindcore" i guess he just meant Cattle Decapitation :P

is your gf single?

"Hold on, my manager's calling." *walks away* "Hi, Mom."

"I'm really good with my hands... especially with the g-string" lmao

"Do you have a boyfriend? Coz I could probably out shred him..."

If you're a metalhead you can say "I would headbang you" XDXD GET IT XDDDD headBANG XDDDDDDDDDDDD

"So do you like the band castrated in bacon?" Lmfao!!

"Can I follow you?" "I don't have instagram" "I know" 🤣

Oh my God! Thought he was joking about the "progressive vegetarian grindcore" but there's even a full playlist on Spotify of that "genre" -kill me please-

"I'm really good with my hands, especially when I play the G string" OH MY GOD

Me: So yeah i'm the lead vocalist and rhythm guitar player in my metal band. Girl: Oh you're a singer? Me: Yeah I sing, I also do growls and guttural screams. Girl: Oh... I don't really like screamo. Me: .... -_- .........

She does the "go away" look wayyyyy too good.

Trumpet players make the best kissers due to our articulation techniques, piano players are really good with their fingers, and those who write music are very emotionally charged. Musicians are the best people in the world, but they are also usually very strange. So you kinda have to trade good for bad sometimes.

The G string one works pretty well

The phone number thing was pretty great.

1:45 "I play guitar but she's into drummers"

the girl is pretty hot

She's drinking some pink liquor and he's drinking orange juice hahhahahhahahahahaha

"progressive vegetarian grindcore" I'm done

0:05 : I was expecting something like "Did you know that the original name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man?"

i feel like as a girl musician this video is just a giant paradox. am i talking to myself? my whole existence is collapsing into itself because my brain cannot handle this

lmao I say "do you want my guitar pick" all the time

"I can play Guitar" *seven nation army*

oh my, this girl is *so* beautiful

I'll admit I'm guilty of saying few things from this video.

2:19 one time, at a korn concert, I bumped into Caleb and took a selfie with him. true story

WAIT CONGRATULATIONS ON 1 MILLION JARED!!!

Waiting for Jared Alonge to comment on this.

Pickup line I use every time "So, uh, I'm first chair Bassoon"

Oh whaaaat? 504! I died

Love the hoodie.

playin' the G string...awesome....

"So, you got a boyfriend? I could probably out-shred him! "... yep

Love your hoodie man like the band aswell

I'm one of the few guys who doesn't tell girls I'm a musician unless they ask. And I'm not overly pushy about it. I can honestly say I've never used any of these. I feel like the real connection is lost if you make it a point to have the girl wet for you because you're a musician. Still a great vid though :)

"Progressive Vegetarian Grindcore?" Wouldn't that be Cattle Decapitation?

"U got a boyfriend... I can probably outshred him" LMAO

I love her! Seriously!

Nice work, this was funny. The hilarious part of it though was I've had some of those things said to me before so lol on the accuracy of it.

Fucking love your shirts! Especially Impending Doom. Also the girl is kinda cute! x3

when he tells her hes a drummer she finally turns her head to him ;) drummers rule

Love the jacket Jared👌👌👌

I thought you were going to say "I'll have to talk to my Rob Scallon manager."

Lol "I can probably out shred him"

So who is she????????????????????

The " when I play the G string" part killed me, lmao

Jokes on you girls steer clear of us musicians

Well she's cute.

People only really find out i play guitar if they ask or see my guitars. Then they ask "do you play guitar?" NO...I JUST COLLECT THEM BECAUSE I LIKE TO SNIFF THEM BEFORE EVERY MEAL!. of course I play the damn guitar.....-_-

Jared you are awesome

i love when they geek out in the middle

"How much money did you make?" Not sure if that's a "musicians are poor fucks" joke or a "women are money grubbing" joke

isn't she the same girl from "things guitar store employees say" ???

"Ive seen the notebook like 30 times" it works every time

Awesome channel! Subscribed :D

I play bass, so whenever I talk to a girl and she asks what I play I start to sweat

If he was a bassist, he'd just say 'hi' and the girl would walk away!!

This guy always cracks me up.

Impending Doom is awsome. I love both your shirts. :)

"You want one my guitar picks?" Lie! No guitar player or bass player have picks to offer, they disappear into the void all the time, having 1 is hard already

"Do you like Rob Scallon, at all? I have his number, 000000..." At this point I died.

that Rob Scallon line at the end was great, that one got me :D

I laughed when he said "Homicidal Death, Bleed Blood" LOLOLOL

That Rob Scallon joke :')

i love her face when she says " i don't have an instagram "

There needs to be a blooper reel

I love Jared's jacket!!! Impending doom

He ended the fangirls talking to the musicians saying "I'm just a roadie" I thought he was gonna end this one with her saying "gtg my moms here" lol

Jared, your hat is the best hat.Deathstroke rules.

Me: "I play rhythm guitar." Girls: "I'm supposed to care?"

"I'm a drummer. I go hard and fast, all night."

Impending doom shirt!!!! So awesome

I'd wife that girl.

You've done well for yourself Jared...i'm proud of you.

omg her shirt is so great

Real-life scenario: Me: "Hey, so what kinda music do you like?" Girl: "I'm really into metal" Me: "Cool, me too! What are some of your favorite bands?" Girl: "Pierce the Veil, Motionless in White, and Issues." Me: "Bye"

"Progressive vegetarian grindcore" bahah I died, I know so many people in these types of bands.

there needs to be a blooper reel for your videos

Hahaha, always manage to make me laugh, that Jared :)))

1:00 There's so much BEAUTIFUL POR-i mean-Poetry!

Girls loved band guys in the 70s. Now, you have to be a guy who looks like he's in a band, but isn't. You know, like the guys from BOTDF.

I love his hoodie

You forgot the classy "I was in my school marching band."