This is a good example on why gaslighting and narcissistic abuse is so evil

There was also an experiment where teachers were told an average class had exceptional students. With time these children improved dramatically as a result of this experiment.

Jocko never fails to amaze me. As tough as he comes across most of the time, he just taught me an extremely important lesson: How to talk to my two very sensitive kids.

My dad stuttered all his life. When he was in his 20s he realized that his stuttering made other people more uncomfortable than him, so he started poking fun at himself (ala Lighten up Francis). This actually decreased his stuttering exponentially. When I was 2 or 3 years old, I started showing signs of stuttering. My dad knew that focusing on it might make it worse, so they TOTALLY ignored it. I have absolutely no signs of stuttering today, In fact, I had no idea that any of this transpired until my mom told me, and I was in my mid-30s!

My parents, peers, and teachers always told me I was really smart. So I believed it. Anyways later in life it caught up to me because I had no discipline. I was always like "I'm smart I don't need to study." "I'm smart I don't need to do homework, I'll just ace the tests." I didn't realize that all of this was destroying my discipline, and my ability to grind through hard, boring, things.

Just a very slight push back for all those that may be thinking they need to tell their kids how great they are always now - remember that doesn’t work out the best either. There is a balance between belittling someone, giving constructive feedback, and building someone up. Find balance in all things.

Words spoken by yourself, and words spoken over you have an impact. This is biblical. I love how this guy did this study. It just confirms the truth.

Im reminded of how my family treated me, until I finally stopped trying to get back in the family after the last time I got disowned by them. I am also reminded of how the cancer industry handled the discussions around my cancer diagnosis. In both cases, their handling of it was and is still monstrous.

As an older guy who has raised many dogs it takes like 100 times positive talks for every 1 negative. Dogs and people are not that different. Having worked in corp environment for 25 years it is amazing how positive speech inspires and negative speech just destroys the desired result.

This is proof that the power of suggestion is so critical to a person's mental stability.

Telling a child they're doomed to be a certain way is the surest way to make it happen. Hearing about this study turns my stomach.

Dude my dad eroded away my confidence as a young kid and until he split at 15 I never really knew peace. I’d start to get confident about school or workout or myself and boom he’d cut me down with some gas lighting comment. I’m 30 now I’ve done Bjj and beach rescue I’ve swam long distance swims and lifted weights for years now. I’ve passed difficult courses in college and I’m learning to fly airplanes now. But there is still no matter how much I accomplish a sense or lack of confidence in my acts. I have to work on it everyday often times faking it until it’s real. If you’re a father,that shit seriously.

I remember an acquaintance telling his kids when they were young "you'll never amount to anything in life" sure enough, as adults, they hit that target effectively. Words are powerful. Use them carefully, especially with children.

Awesome insight as always. I can't help but think about Goggins and how his upbringing did such harm to him in his early life but ultimately made him into the no excuses no blame placing person he is today. He has a new book out, can we please try and get him on the podcast, it would be the most awesome thing ever. Jocko and Goggins have influenced my life for the better and have helped me be accountable. I was an alcoholic headed nowhere, but now I've been sober for two years and have many positive things in the works, thanks to the wisdom I have picked up from you both. It would be amazing to see you guys bounce ideas off each other.

“Thoughtless speech is like the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise is a healing”

Jocko is so correct...I did that with my daughter positive reinforcement she doesn't stutter anymore

Growing up with high-functioning Autism, I wasn't always the most confident person. But I was an articulate kid, assertive, and had a good sense of self-worth. High school changed all of that. Not only was I bullied frequently for my disorder, but many of the teachers - and even the principal - flat-out ignored it, even when it was happening right in front of them. I was even sucker-punched in one classroom and nobody would touch the kid who did it to me. To top it off, they sent me to a guidance counselor who actually tried to make me dumb myself down because they thought that was the issue. I went on to better schools after I graduated, but the damage was - and to a certain degree, still is - done. I'm 35 now, and these last few years I have been on a steady upward trajectory in life. But I can't help but feel that I could have gotten to where I am sooner in life had more people over there actually stood up for me instead of against me.

I had a speech impediment as a kid. My family made fun of me for it. Now I am an introvert and can’t stand to converse. I get nervous if it’s anybody outside my immediate family, shake and start to sweat. Love it.

Jocko. Thank you for telling us this story. I have also been through something close to this story. Teachers and doctors forget that their special cases (patients or students) are people, and we have feelings.

As a child I couldn’t even talk due how bad my stutter was, I found out that joking about it helped me to loose my tongue. Gotta admit, I felt enraged while listening how they treated these poor kids.

My God I feel like I was apart of "the monster study" as a kid I was constantly told how bad my speech was and developed a speech impediment. No body worked with me not even my family and it felt like everybody around me just gave up on me. Not only that kids at school would make fun of me for it which would make me act out. I was falling down a slippery slope until one night I laid in bed and figured out all the words I couldn't say and I sounded those words out every single night until I got them right. I didn't know how to read either until I was in the 6th grade because nobody wanted to take the time to help me all the teachers I had just told me I sucked. So one day I was at the school library and picked up a book and I told myself I was going to know each word in it and how to say. It was a 500 page book and it took me 6 months to read it front to back and while I read the book any word I didn't know how to say I had a dictionary right beside me to look up the word, figure out it's meaning, and how to say it. Within a year my reading level went from a 1st grade to 12th grade. I started school in the early 2000's and they probably weren't doing the monster study then it was probably just crap public school system but I believed in myself and because of that belief I became *a monster*

My dad told me all the time that I had a speech impediment and shouldn't speak unless I could do it right. Drilled it into me. I was 24 when I realized that I don't actually have a speech impediment, nor had I ever had a speech impediment. But I did get to grow up all self conscious and quiet, so that was nice I guess.

Jacko, I was once told a good leader is respected and elevates his men and women. A feared leader is actually secretly hated. I remember a podcast you put out, when some personnel died under friendly fire. You said you entered debriefing with superiors. You accepted responsibility, and drafted a plan to keep such an event from happening again. Next, all of your men had so much respect, they didn’t say silent, try to throw you under the bus, on the contrary, they ALL took responsibility with you. Clearly, these men have respect as opposed to fear. Leadership skills pay off.

*Jocko Willink is the Reluctant Leader we need.* .....We know you've done enough, but your Nation needs you. 🇺🇸 *2024* 🦅

Coming from a person who used to studder. This is right on. Encouragement always trumps negativity.

Absolutely Love this advice. SO valuable, HOOYAH !!!!

Thanks for sharing this story from your youth. Men letting out feelings is a good example for others

Only One minute into this video, but it's a subject that is quite personal to me. In my youth, my speech impediments caused quite the stress in my life. Stutter was one of the two parts, and I found that slowing down helped quite much. Looking forward to the discussion on this topic, because I can see how it could be applied to other aspects of life.

This is why gossip is so detrimental. People will often automatically believe what they hear.

Always solid content for growth... thx big dog.

I was raised by parents who tried to convince me I was crazy because that way they could use my name to claim extra money from the government. Been 20 years and I still feel like I come across as crazy, because of how my parents would react to me, even after a thousand different people have told me I'm one of the most well rounded people they know.

I stuttered when I was a kid, and still do once in awhile. Thank God I had some good teachers that taught me positive things!

thank you, great stuff

I was run through a gauntlet of meds as a kid…. To fix ADHD, came out with an affinity for stimulants… and still had “ADHD” I am a Musician, a Builder, a fighter, and I have a beautiful woman, the bottom line is you have to play the cards you got, and struggle to push and grow, now I am off of all meds and I know that if I’m resting on my default behaviors and lacking discipline, it will result in me being scattered, if I work hard, set up healthy boundaries and get physically active I fix the “ADHD” it’s amazing what free will can do

I live in the east coast and hit the gym at 4 am so these drop 1hour before i go ❤

This is good to hear. I'm an old Crone and we were taught that "words have power" that's why it's called "Spelling". What you say carries alot of POWER. Use that weapon Wisely. And if you don't, get ready for that "blast of shit", when it blows up in your face. 😊

Awesome!

Awesome talk.

As a parent we need to be very mindful of what we say to our kids. The last thing they need to hear are words that strip them of their dignity, self respect and confidence. We don’t need to project our own fears and insecurities on them they have enough already. We need to fix ourselves before we try to fix anyone else.

This is facts.... happy holidays Jocko.... much respect

Your show is something I was looking for

Perfect name for such a study.

Important stuff - and not just about speech - words word for and against all kinds of outcomes. People often discount the power of words.

Jocko is the man's man 100%

That shirt ad top left top of the cast is super dope. Good solid work Echo!

Lot's of applications to positive dog training. Thank you for this.

Very good video...,thank you👍👍

In the eighth grade I started wrestling at 175lb and there wasn’t anyone in my weight class in my age bracket. So my father okayed me to be bumped up to the open/college bracket where I got destroyed, but the feedback from my father was always positive after a hard lose.

Everything in life needs a balance.

You deserve all the love

12:45 Took me a second to process this.

Love Jocko

I’ve stuttered since childhood. My stutter was a trauma response to an abusive home. Teachers, guidance counselors, speech therapists - all well meaning people - tried to treat the response to trauma rather than intervening in the cause of the trauma. Children who stutter don’t need their stutter treated. They need to feel safe and heard. They need to feel their voice matters, despite how it sounds. They need to play with their friends - not spend hours in a speech therapy class that does nothing but reinforce the behavior they’re trying to treat. They need to be loved rather than unconsciously teaching them that they will only deserve love if they can speak fluently. $1.7M divided by 22 children is $77,272 per child. As someone who has stuttered for over three decades, I can attest that this verdict was just another form of abuse these children suffered from this experiment. That said, this experiment was nothing compared to how public school systems handled stuttering children in the 90s.

Studies supported this hypothesis that evaluative labeling can influence behaviour. So true 💯💯💯👍

First time having a Jocko Go while listening! Haha

awesome, I also believe sometimes sh#* needs to be said regardless the consequence. Even as veteran you understand it still takes courage to speak up as much as it takes to throw down.

Oh my gosh!! What an absolutely horrible study!! It some awful torture. My daughter has autism and is almost nonverbal. I teach her by emphasizing what she loves and is able to do. She’s thriving in terms of what she can do. I had communication anxiety for years and had to present speeches many times. I learned to think of what I want. But anxiety is real. Be encouraging. I’m super grateful for this podcast. Thank you so very much!

Real good meta-analysis Jocko. I wonder how this effects people who must say “ I am an alcoholic…”, and hear that label over and over for years…

Some of those kids were scared/ Nervous ro speak from abuse!!

"It's just a prank, bro." The prank:

Imagine your childhood now imagine being a little person again .hearing this is sad but I've seen parents or teachers break down kids to the point they were silent or scared .we should look at each other as teachers and students.if your a teacher be a good teacher if your a student be a good student.

I emailed my new CFO and told him he had so many uhms in his delivery that I couldn’t make it through his video. Told him he should watch his own video and practice silent pauses in the place for his uhms. He thanked me for the feedback and has done much better.

I'm a high school full-time substitute teacher--so I'm 75% tutor and guidance counselor and only 25% substitute teacher--I tell every single one of my students that I don't expect perfection, straight A's, or even a passing grade. I only expect honest effort to learn the material, especially for some of the more complex subjects like math and biology. Introducing and reinforcing that idea has helped so many kids stop taking themselves so seriously that they start to do better in the class. I don't know why, but it seems to work.

I speak from my heart or emotions...always will....

1976 AD WAS MY BIRTH YEAR

The dumbell part 😂

430 EST! Making a two hour drive, an hour and a half early so I can get it in before a meeting. No days off 😈

As an example would bet both Jocko and Echo can recall exactly what their Instructors voices sounded like and said.

Never EVER frame advice, commands or guidance in the negative, EVER, regardless of the arena or activity, if your desire is for a positive outcome, reaction or result!! Cheers🍻 RP

sometimes that pressure is a motivator. i only seem to do my best with my back against thee wall

Go listen to Pantera “Mouth For War” and muster up your determination. You will be ok.

If we can remember those things said that helped or hurt us we can help others.

“I would secretly do calf-raises“ lol

I was just reading about "The Pygmalion effect" the other day. Crazy stuff.

The human mind is all powerful.

Echo: "Sometimes I'll try to kill you" Jocko: "Hmm-mmm." Love these guys, thank you for all the wisdom and laughs and motivation

I was the youngest in my class so my classmates had a few hundred extra days on me. Rather skinny and (discovered at age 35, 36 now) slightly autistic. One of the things I have never been able to work through was in 6th grade the teacher called me up to his desk to go over a math test, made no pretense of keeping the conversation between us. Out loud so the entire class heard "You crucified these answers [my name] What happened!" I then explained that I thought that I understood the problems and had felt confident with the answers. He inturrepted me and said "That's what happens when you think!" It seems like such a silly thing but more than 20 years later this feels like the last hurdle that I can not get over or around. It's like a great wall extending from sea to sea in my brain.

The crutch theory. Give someone a crutch and they’ll always lean on it.

Anyone remember Paul Stamets story about how he stopped stuttering? Wild haha.

I use to bully my lil bro when I was in high school, looking back it was because I was bullied. I use to say fucked up mean shit to him and that made him hate and resent me for years but I’ve apologized many times since and glad to say we get along and have a good relationship now. Point is, watch what u say to ur siblings especially when young. They really take it to heart. “Thoughtless words cut like a sword. But the tongue of wise people brings healing.”

I’m telling you… if you have ANYTHING wrong with you that seems hopeless… if you haven’t tried health discipline… pushing urself so hard every day… u haven’t tried the most important thing and u have no business acting like a victim because you haven’t tried

I've had a speech impediment my whole life (40 yrs) & my parents took me to "speech therapy" as a kid which helped as I learned that part of reducing the stuttering is breath control. So in my teens I'd sing along to tunes on the radio. This helped because there's defined intakes of breath to keep in time with the singer. New people I met in my 20's rarely noticed me stuttering. It's still there though. I find that some sounds are harder to say at the beginning of a word than others, it's weird. I don't know if it's related but I've always been pretty much a loner & massive introvert. Made it so difficult to approach & talk to women.

There needs to be a mandate for all school teachers, professors, coaches, etc to watch or listen to this podcast segment lol before they begin to teach.

Haaay! Echo...Charles? Have you ever tried a, Tuna Salad with some Chunks of Kiwifruit, and pineapple in it before?

the social mirror is extremely powerful.

Now here is a concept

So right!!! Every time we’re on a job ( finish carpentry) my brother ( the contractor) tells me : “ don’t fuck this up”. And what happens?? I fuck it up.

Positive mentoring and feedback is critical… but it also has to be honest. You can’t just blindly be “happy” or “positive”. a smart person will see through the BS eventually and lose all respect for you.. which explains a lot of the under 35 crowd.

Even more importantly think before you do or draw.

Everyone is different. Handles pressure differently. I tend to thrive in that environment, most my employees would crumble. You get more bees with honey then vinegar is SO TRUE. Tested that theory lol. Also 15 years of management was enough, dealing with people in that environment where you count on them.

That dude looks CRAZY strong.

i’m glad i come across this..

Best feeling not going back on what I said and stressing

Mr Willink, I think there’s one WW2 navy veteran left from USS Laffey “The ship that wouldn’t die”. If you could get him on it would be remarkable.

Great show. One tip: Put logo, flag(s), military stuff, etc in back ground. The plain keeps me from hitting link unless I like the topic. I'm that vain. 😂

I'm finding that this translates A LOT to self-talk as well. I've had too many times where I would just verbally abuse myself into becoming a better person in some way (ironic now that I'm reading it) and while it might work for a little while, I'd always end up burning myself out and readopting this "fuck it, fuck this, fuck you" mentality and just become super unmotivated after. I've been a lot better with constructive self-talk, where I'm less afraid to push myself when I can but also know when to back off and give myself credit for whatever progress I have made. The progress may be slower than I would've hoped for in the past, but it's also way more likely to stick around for good.

And I thought the Stanley Milgram experiments were bad. Atleast Milgram only had adults in his study, and after the experiment concluded there was follow up care and correspondence in regards to why Milgram felt the experiment should be carried out. A large percentage of the adults in the study, in addition to being paid for their time, also expressed gratitude for the fact that a psychologist showed them how they could infact be a monster(very similar to the natcz), if they were influenced by authority and without consequences for immorality. Much like the horrors of ww2, the ultimate answer to the The Stanley Milgram Experiments is: "Never Again". If you don't know about the study, just search for the term: "stanley milgram experiments"

Fuck. I got tears in my eyes hearing this!!

Many times it's not what we say but how we say it that people hear. For every 10 positive encouragement / positive feedback you give 1 negative feedback or comment the person remembers the negative feedback / comment.

Jocko's laugh, because he knows milking those cows really does work.