Narcissists will hurt you and act like you hurt them.

Attorney here. Lawyers get no training in psychology, unfortunately. So unless they bother to study it, they're clueless, and often doing a narcissist's gaslighting for them. And of course, they can be narcissists themselves. However, once experienced, attorneys and judges tend to see through the lies of those with serious anti-social personality disorders (sociopaths, psychopaths, etc.). Greater awareness of "ordinary" narcissistic abuse among legal professionals would be helpful - it would be great if experts like Dr Ramani could offer this kind of professional education to lawyers.

Years ago, i had a spouse walk out without warning or explanation, to be with someone else. We'd never even had a fight. This was traumatic. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. But what was MORE traumatic was the reactions i got from people who assumed that i had somehow mishandled and neglected my marriage. I was being blamed. I was humiliated and enraged by comments like, "this is why communication is so important". We weren't having a communication problem! I was being deceived and used.

A friend's ex-husband who was a narcissist...was a family & marriage psychologist! Horrifying. Other narcissist we encountered...was a pastor. These sick creeps seek out these kinds of positions. Thank God for the exposure & education on narcissism.

I’m Japanese and living in Japan. I’m going to presentation about Narcissist at Welfare services for mental disorders where I recently get help for my mental health. Your voices are reaching out and beyond to Japan. So as a Japanese I want to say thank you for your hard work and helping my bloom liltle by liltle.

Narcissism has become such a cancer in society that even if you walk away from one narcissistic relationship, you wind up dealing with another one.

This is EXACTLY why I quit family law and have devoted the rest of my professional days helping women and men who have been victimized by the as$#ones. Can't work within the system, so I decided to work against it. Unless an attorney has been a victim of narcissistic abuse, they have ZERO clue. And they are callous AF. It's disgusting.

This was the entire culture I grew up in. If someone is being abused, they somehow deserve it. I bought into it. I blamed myself. I’ve heard others say they feel they feel they must have something wrong with them for attracting abusers. This is probably the single most destructive part of our society, on a personal level.

One of greatest challenges is to find a lawyer who is unbiased or not a narcissist themselves. This lawyer most likely is a narcissist.

It’s so terrifying once you wake up , knowing that the husband you loved and trusted had so little respect for you , and then navigating life with others and seeing the disbelief and lack of empathy , it takes a very courageous person to get to the healing side of this horror .

There are people waking up to this, but there are also people trying to bury it. Narcissistic abuse absolutely exists and healing from it is a long and painful journey, but it is absolutely worth it. Thank you for staying committed to educating people about this issue, Dr. Ramani!

I used to read the ethics column in the NYT. I had to stop reading it and the comments after one too many times of frustration with commenters who have never experienced narcissistic abuse. One too many times reading an account of obvious narcissistic behavior and seeing people respond "you should forgive them. That's your dad, mother, sister, brother, etc." It was triggering.

Dr. Ramani is a gift to the Universe. If she yells in a hotel room you can bet she is justified!

But that’s the thing about narcissists. They can try to fool you, with all their heart, but in the end, they’re just fooling themselves.

In my former so-called marriage, red flags were batting me over the head. So, I met up with his ex-wife because I heard horrible stories about her but the stories had changed each time he shared them, which he loved to do with everyone. I have a keen memory. They share two kids together so she was part of the package when we married and I found her to be really nice. Eventually I asked her to coffee because things didn’t add up and I had questions and she was concerned why I was staying at my folks house the last few days. She told me how he beat her so badly that she was hospitalized and he was arrested months after they were married, their child was a newborn at the time of the violent assault. I looked it up and it was on record! During our conversation she told me that he recently met up with his ex girlfriend, gave her money to take his daughter shopping. I knew something was off. He was giving me the silent treatment, it felt like some game and I was done playing. I agree, that you shouldn’t warn the new person in their lives because they already been fed false stories about the you. However, it was nice that I could go to her and ask her to lift the veil from my eyes.

We need better and mandatory education for professionals in law and social services on narcissism, trauma bond etc. The victims so often have to fight jet another uphill battle, it's insane. Thank you so much!

My narc ex cheated because our new baby was taking the attention away from him and he “didn’t like being a parent”.

You are a gift to us all Dr. Ramani! Knowledge, truth, sanity.

I have read self help books since my late teens. Remember “I’m Okay, You’re Okay”?. I am in my late sixties. I had recently told a dear friend I’m done trying to fix myself. Not done learning and growing, but accepting of myself as the imperfect human that I am. Then I looked up narcissism. It explained SO MANY things. So I just pre-ordered your book. Thank you for your videos.

Your senario of how it should be handled, is exactly how I tried to handle it. I focused on my relationship with my children. Taking them to the zoo. museums, plays, concerts, movies, parks, etc. Taught them my values and morals. Always encouraged whatever arts, music, & other activites interested them. I shared joint custody and had very little conact with him. After 15 yrs., she left him for cheating on her. Our kids were grown and I helped them get out on their own. They recently assured me that my being there for them always, was the only sane part of their lives. They no longer choose to see him.

This very thing happened to me when I went to a divorce attorney. He blamed me to my face that I was the cause when in fact it was a boldface lie. As my husband sat in jail for abuse, I couldn't believe this attorney "turned evil" on me.

My uncle was this way. My aunt put up with him for 50+ years and multiple illegitimate children until she had enough when she was in her 60’s. She’s 80 now and married to a wonderful man who she met once she put my awful uncle behind her.

“The world doesn’t “get” this. Don’t let them gaslight you about it.” It’s so crazy-making. Thank you Doctor 💖

Thank-you so much for your work in these videos! I left a narcissist spouse in October 2001 after 16 years of her drama and gas-lighting. I wish I could have seen your videos back in the 1990's! With very few exceptions, the overwhelming response was summed up by my mother: "You were married to her 15 years longer than we thought you would be!" Friends finally came up to me and told me stories they knew about her that they were afraid to bring to me for fear of losing me as a friend. When divorcing a narcissist, you will find out who your true friends are. I was fortunate to have many friends and a great deal of support. It took me a whole year to work up the courage and to make sure I was doing the right thing by leaving but I have been happy almost every day since walking out. I literally walked out with nothing but an overnight bag. I couldn't take anymore. Nothing I left in the house we owned together was worth another day with her.

The lawyer sounds like a cheater themselves because who truly could defend cheating for ANY reason. Thank you for feeling rage like us regular folks. You’ve always shined a light on what is really happening when it comes to the games narcissist play.

*Your snarkiness is healing, Dr. Ramani!* 😄❤ I took a conflict resolution class and someone tried the old "every conflict has two contributors" line after I described a betrayal that was truly selfish and one-sided. It was like a mini graduation day that I was able to calmly say No, actually in this case it really was entirely the other person's fault. AND I didn't ruminate or gaslight myself later. Huzzah! 🎓

Thank you for this video. I work in domestic abuse and only discovered through my job, how many people supporting victims of abuse (e.g. solicitors, social workers of children) don't understand the dynamics played out in domestic abuse. It's frustrating as hell. They make so many decisions so often where me and my colleagues are head-in-hands shaking our heads. Sometimes they put the victim at risk by disclosing information to the abusive person, or keep children with a dangerous and neglectful parent. Like you say, it looks like it's with the assumption that they're dealing with two rational people, who are trying their best to find a solution. Or a "bad break up". Or it'll be described that the abusive parent who neglects the kids "doesn't understand what's expecting of them in regards to meeting the children's needs" and I'm sitting there like "of course they f*cking understand, they just don't f*cking CARE!! They have capacity. They read English. They just don't want to do it!!" It's heartbreaking what ignorance victims of abuse come up against when trying to protect themselves and the most precious beings in their life - their children. I'm glad you've touched on it in this video. And I thinks it's good what you said about feeling it out with different legal people, to see if they understand the imbalanced power dynamic of an abusive relationship.

Dr. Ramani, you are a voice of sanity, reason and just plain commonsense. THANK YOU! Please keep speaking out and up! Narcissism(sp?) isn't just found in people. It's rears its ugly head in businesses, organizations, and supposedly "safe" support groups. I am a 76 yrs old woman and I have experienced narcissisim(?), gaslighting and abuse of all kinds appear in the least expected areas. Keep on educating us!

My narc ex married the woman he was cheating with. As far as I am concerned she knew she was marrying a man who is willing to cheat on his wife. I feel absolutely no need to warn her. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you have been a big help in my healing journey. I am a joyful and more authentic self and continue to work on healing.

When involved with a narcissist, you're technically single because your heart is taken by someone you can never have.

Thank you Dr Ramani for what you do!

Dr. Ramani, I am a native Californian (born in 1950). My wife (who is also a native Californian), and I departed the People's Republic of what became "Narcissfornia", in 2010 and have never looked back. We now happily live in rural Virginia. Thank you for your instruction and assistance in dealing with narcissists in our life.

I guess a lawyer who defends both cheating spouses and non cheating doesn’t want to alienate the cheaters from being a potential client.

I love Dr. Ramani's sarcasm here! After spending most of my 67 years recovering from being raised by a malignant narcissist mother who cheated, got pregnant with her boyfriend when I was a year old, and dragged me through two more of her 5 marriages before escaping to build my own life. People who think they are experts and advised me to make peace with and rebuild my relationship with my mother have constantly been a part of my life that has challenged me. Thank goodness I didn't marry a narcissist and have to deal with this too!

I am glad I listened to you, I always felt that a third person could not come between two people and so it was somehow a lack or something in the relationship. I am glad you set me straight because I had one relationship with a narcissist that just about destroyed me. Thanks

It’s still the hardest part of the most narcissistic relationship I’ve ever been here, is her unwavering commitment towards defending herself no matter how clearly she was and it is in the wrong.

Dr. Ramani has helped me more than she will ever know. ❤

Came for the title, stayed for the message ❤

That attorney is so full of bravo sierra. I’m going through a divorce from a narcissistic cheater and for anyone to even imply I had something to do with it is upsetting. I tried EVERYTHING I could even to the point it not only affected my mental health but physical health.

This is exactly the reason I haven’t gotten a divorce…and I never even realized it. The physiological trauma that comes with trying to hold my truth and reality with what he needs me to believe is reality is literally a mind f*%# to the highest power. And having to make yourself hold it for the sake of peace in the house and for my kids is…willing having to accept and participate in insanity to survive. Then there’s the part where he can’t even admit to things I was there for…I’m trying no contact-my anxiety is extreme at times throughout the day waiting for what’s coming next and believing I really have nothing to go on and I don’t even know what to say. Thinking about explaining our life and situation makes my body shake because I can already feel the minimization coming and I can’t afford to get any smaller.

My mediation lady for divorce actually allowed and even egged on my ex-husband’s claims that I have a written diagnoses of borderline personality disorder. And actually no one showed me this supposed evidence they had. And she actually had the audacity to ask me if I’m on medicine for this issue. I asked and actually begged to see this diagnosis that no one could produce. And in the end I looked like the unhinged fool because I was clearly upset being accused of having a mental disorder. I told them I have a diagnosis of CPTSD but not what they accuse me of. I told her I don’t take any medication for any mental disorder. And she said, “sometimes that’s not a good thing. Sometimes medicine helps.” I couldn’t win for losing. Seriously it was horrible.

This is exactly what my narcissistic ex-husband would tell me every time he cheated. It was my fault because I caused him so much stress, I didn't appreciate him, I didn't listen to him and blah blah blah. It never occurred to him that his stress was caused by the fact that he was trying to get away with something. I bought it for the first affair, twisted myself into a pretzel trying to please him. Finally got into recovery for co-dependency and was able to leave him.

A few years ago, as I was considering separating from my husband, several people close to me were concerned about what his family would do rather than what my husband would do. Thankfully it worked out and, after going low/no contact with my in-laws, things are stable. They had shown who they truly were upon the divorce of their parents and one sister and it wasn't pretty. I am glad to have removed myself, largely, from the toxicity.

I'm an LMFT in upstate NY and I've encountered three law guardians who were as harmful as the one mentioned here. I've experienced a very strong anti-father bias here even when in the cases mentioned, it was the father who was by far the more stable and emotionally healthy and accessible parent. The law guardians in those cases ruined those families by believing the narcissistic mums who successfully alienated the better parent. It made me sick. Thank you for this video.

Thank you for this, it was SO validating. My ex husband was emotionally and verbally abusive for years, grossly selfish, and a cheater who ultimately justified his infidelity as follows: “I was so sad and lonely because you made me feel unloved, not enough hugs/sex/praise.” Foolishly I bought his lies, threw myself all over him to prove that I loved him, and guess what: HE KEPT SCREWING AROUND.

Trauma survivors have a particularly hard time differentiating, even if the partner isn't a narcissist. My wife almost cheated and then told me, and we started couples' therapy. I was going over repeatedly in my mind "What did I do? Maybe if I change this... or this." It still took me a good two weeks to admit to myself, and tell her, "this wasn't my fault, and I didn't deserve this" She was glad I told her.

Dr. Ramani: Beautiful! Bold! Blessed! Brava!

having lived a similar scenario I agree 100% … don’t write the letter. I never did and I’m glad. She’ll never understand and any good intentions will not matter. LivingWell is the best revenge for sure.!!! And, YES A+++++ about that comment!❤

Bothsiderism isn't just dangerous in politics. I had experience with it on the job. The narcissist makes accusations to the boss that YOU did something horrible. Of course, its been carefully fabricated. The boss says, in a meeting to resolve the fake accusation, says that both are at fault. You can't defend yourself because you didn't even know this was a thing. Then, YOU are unaware. So many situations where this happens. Same song...different tune.

You nailed it!!!! I was appalled upon hearing that story. Thank you for bringing this out to us that are victims of a narcissist!!!!

Thank you for calling this out Dr.!!! I agree with you 100%. The lawyer threw me under the bus after paying them for 5 years. I never got to trial 😢

My narcissistic ex-husband cheated all the way through our marriage AND before when we were engaged. My divorce lawyer said the same thing and I felt so utterly gaslit!

I tried for a minute to make my ex understand why cheating was so inappropriate and hurtful and why I finally left him. He apologized profusely, but by this time I was such a pro at seeing through his narc behavior, I stopped. I blocked his number after being with him for almost 15 years. The secret to my success is watching your videos every day because they are a reminder that these crazys have no cure and any attempt at fixing them is a pitiful exercise in futility. Thank God for people like you, Dr Ramani.🙏 You are changing the world! I mean it! Love you❤

You nailed this one. Thank you Dr Ramani. In my case I was replaced for a younger woman. 15 yrs ago. I have finally healed to a lovely life with a new caring man❤️ My children dont see their father unless he invites. They still dont know what is wrong, but my daughter said: “I wish dad would work on himself like you did!” Children are very wise. My attorney knew. She saw through him and followed the rules in my country back then. Long before I understood. I wish you all the best of healing💫

I also find, at 75 years old, that people pride themselves on their book learning today and brandish their degrees while exhibiting very little common sense and ability to look into the other person's eyes. I began to notice this trend in the late 80s with job interviews changing from looking you squarely in the eye and making an evaluation on the spot to cringingly clinging to psychological and personality tests which, frankly, revealed more about the interviewer and/or company than the interviewee. I always had the feeling that the interviewer was using these questions like a Rorschach test because they didn't possess the strength of character to intuit or discern a person's real intent or MO, and they hid their weakness behind such tests or HR questionnaires.

Someone who is cheated on usually blames themselves too much already. Shame on that person who blamed them even more

I love the NYT's comment section for this reason. Recently, an ethics article about a husband lying to his hardworking hospital doctor wife for many years about his financial situation. While working her ass off, paying the mortgage, he never told her he was very wealthy, thanks to a hidden family fund. He went for years and years every morning "to work," only to go to a spa, a cafe, or whatever felt right for him, for instance, a golf club. Meanwhile, she sometimes worked double lifts, as expected from a hospital doctor. After so many years, he wonders if she should finally learn how rich he and her life is. So, how were the comments? Same tone, same sentiment as here. At least a few commentators pointed out that if he is lying to her, pretending to have a second life for so long, if he has the means for it, he probably had too many affairs, escorts, and whatnot, right? And that he must be greedy, afraid of telling her how good their life is because she would likely divorce him as soon as she found out that their marriage is a big lie and that he let her work so hard for so many years. But the overall NYT user comments were... frankly, hilarious. Defending him. Congratulating him. Yet, all of it did sound, to me, like a story of a wealthy narcissist who has been controlling his poor wife for ages.

A lawyer friend told me a story of one of his friends (a woman) who was married to a cheating irresponsible husband. His friend eventually got physically sick to the point that she was dying. She wanted a divorce and contacted him. My friend proudly told me how he mediated them that they went back together. Not long after, his friend died. Looking at the horror in my face, he probably realized that I didn't think keeping them together was a good idea. He then tried to defend his stand, explaining how it was best, and how at least his friend had somebody by herself when she died. After all she was already dying. I was too tired to have an argument, so I just said that if I'd had a husband like that, I'd rather have been alone when I died instead of having a monster standing right next to me.

I understand completely. I get so ill because it's happened to me. I rage and cry privately the unfairness of it all. The narcissist who is the actual perpetrator acts victim, while the actual victim is framed at the perp. The true victim (of betrayal, abuse, exploitation) gets hate, blame, judgement while the narcissist gets all the sympathy, empathy, kindness, is completely innocent, blameless etc. The entire world is absolutely fucked up in this way. It's everywhere you look. Welcome to the mirror world.

Thanks for articulating this feeling of frustration so well! I heard something similar to this at my brother's wedding about both people being responsible and that marriages fall apart because BOTH parties dropped the ball. I instantly lost all respect for the person giving the speech because my dad cheated on my mom who, at the time, had her hands full with three kids. It's such a cheap way to avoid taking any responsibility. Anyway, my dad's on his fourth official wife now and even she thinks he's crazy.

I've been TWO days in a new job and have been given 'kind warnings' about an 'evil' person in the group. My God, the simmering resentments, perceived slights, inflated egos. So far my strategy is to say "Good to know" "thanks for telling me". Oftentimes it's best to just let things play out in the mess of people's own creation while being like Switzerland- stay neutral and prioritise protecting yourself :)

I'm internally (because it's almost 2am here in Australia now) screaming with you Dr. Ramani! Your videos helped me heal from a long and traumatic divorce with my narc ex husband 4 years ago. I have 70pages worth of evidence of how much "sorrow" and "frustration" he felt where according to thisss family lawyer in California, justified him enough to cheat and have a secret family for half our marriage, 5 years. To think there ARE many more family lawyers and mediators out there with this kind of skewed mindset and perspective when they honestly do not know the TRUTH of the real matter in these types of scenarios and the games narcs play during a divorce showdown is actually very scary and dangerous. Thank you Dr. Ramani for being the VOICE for us narc survivors and warriors and for calling bs out.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dr. Ramani!! You really understand how these lawyers or even court officials who have the power to make decisions regarding divorce outcomes regarding finances or children can really abuse their power. You really get it!!!

Get'em! Dr Ramani don't play always giving me that therapy and knowledge I need. thank you bc of you I have healed tremendously I took my life back giving narc injuries every time they come around me

Thank you for screaming for all of us, Dr. Ramani.

🤯🤯 My back then best friend said the same to me when I was abused and discarded. I cut her out of my life too. Enablers can be as damaging as narcissists themselves. Thank you very much again for another great video, Dr. Ramani!

I absolutely love Dr. Ramani!! If nothing else, I know where her heart is in these difficult situations.

The situation described by the letter writer was exactly like my marriage and divorce, except it never occurred to me to warn her because she knew he was cheating on me just as she was cheating on her husband. Healing came to me the day I woke up and realized how lucky I was to be out of a horrible situation. The other woman gave me a chance at a better life by taking my narcissistic spouse away. My life is good, and 20 years later, she is still stuck with an aging, sickly, abusive narcissist.

Wise wise lady Ramini❤ not because you are a psychotherapist, but because you invest your empathie and human experience in your professional experience. God bless you 🙏❤love and respects from Beirut 🇱🇧🇱🇧🇱🇧

I am so so so happy that professionals like you shed light on what narcissists abuse truly is and now it affects others. Before finding your videos and learning about narcissistic abuse, I believed that it was my fault…that I was not good enough for him…for the marriage. It is amazing how these “so called” professionals have that kind of prejudgment without any empathy for the actual victims!

Yes, you are absolutely correct. I’ve been through it years ago. I’m fine now after finding my true love who brought me my life back. He helped me fine my self esteem and self worth. Sadly 2 of my 3 grown children have no communication with me without explanation. I still send cards to my grandchildren and them, so they know I will always love them. That’s all that I can do. And pray.

You are so right! My best friend’s daughter was involved in a narcissist relationship. When they ‘legally separated’ the custody issues were the worst as ‘he’ convinced the legal system what a great dad he was. It took much heartache and documentation of bruises, neglect (leaving a preschool child for up to 6 hours by herself, failure to bathe feed etc) to convince the court that what he said couldn’t be relied upon.

The counselor I saw during my divorce turned out to be a cheater himself. I figured it out after multiple sympathetic comments about my narcissistic cheating ex. It really made things harder and the reality was that he made my trauma about himself and his ego.

As a child therapist, I've been through a few of these CFI interviews (child family investigators). I have told what I've observed, what I know, my professional opinion, yet EVERY TIME the CFI comes back with a vanilla report going right down the middle between the couple. We're talking about documented child molestation, neglect of a severely autistic girl, one parent being obviously mentally ill and self-absorbed, drug addicted parents, etc. Every time it's 50/50 custody! These investigations cost the families thousands of dollars, and are a COMPLETE waste of money. Meanwhile, I've had CFI's write my name in the report and quote word for word what I told them in confidence, resulting in me being threatened by the dysfunctional parent. Your California "advocate" must be part of some sadistic club that gets off on bilking parents for money while they ruin children's lives.

I absolutely wish that I had heard of you when I was leaving and divorcing my x husband whom is very narcissistic! The whole court system is narcissistic which makes it almost impossible for someone to deal with this in a healthy way.

Yes, they do! The ‘destructive narcissist ‘ in my life (a sibling) is famous for graciously ‘forgiving’ you for all the wrongs she has done to you... she’s on my no contact list now...

As a therapist who deals in family law (formerly a public paralegal before they outlawed this), in my rural area, the legal system truly is run by the good-ol'-boy system. Narcissism is absolutely thick in the court/legal system. The judge has allowed the other party in my own case to have such leniency (for not showing up in court!), that the dissolution has drug on for over 1.5 years where there is nothing to fight over (no kids, no home) and my own attorney labels the actions he sees as "passive-aggressive" but still not sure what I'm paying him for if this isn't resolving. The Sheriff's Department was instructed to ARREST the other party for contempt after not showing up so many times (mind you, days off work that I have taken where it has been loss of income, and witnesses hanging out in court hallways that I have to pay for), but reported that the Sheriff's Office was "understaffed" to arrest, so papers were served, but no court date and it still drags on. The clerk won't set a date without an arrest because that was the judge's order. So, thousands of dollars later while I await folks to get their stuff together, I'm still stalked and harassed - a lot of details being left unsaid, but include his brother's trucking company driving by my bedroom window engaging Jake Brakes or the cable cords outside the house being yanked with a 2-week re-installation wait. I often have folks come in to see me and tell me how they were "tricked" into coming to our county by the love bombing of narcissists, and as they are walking away, are impregnated or stripped of ability to have their own income and then trapped in the county (because it is the county of the child's birth or there is no economy or relatives to help step in). So, with no job, and having a narcissist as the co-parent/ex who just feeds on their struggles - it creates multiple issues for all involved, except the narcissist. This is so bad that I have a working theory that our little place (formerly known as Murderville) was founded by corrupt people (murderers, miners, infantry who crossed over the mountains in their pursuit of take-take-take), that over time, and due to isolation, this is where those behaviors fester and grow. Their abuses don't always thrive in society, but they thrive here. Children exposed to these behaviors, guess what, choose partners themselves who resemble their parent(s). I'm not surprised to hear that the NY attorney in your story has these ideas. People, from all professions or educations/backgrounds, tend to leap to judgments without having the true research - they don't bother to go there either because they don't have to - they make money by just going along with their working theories. In 2023, I often wonder why these types of educational basics aren't taught in high school, and of course the answer is to follow the dollar. You know who else has their system in the palms of their hands (& that expression is meant with all the nuances/ interpretations one might apply) - people who run school districts, people who set the curriculum standards for the states, politicians. Dr. Ramani - I don't have to tell you, but we have a problem here.

Totally agree! My former husband was a serial cheater. I did tell my grown children what my private investigator found out and gave them my own eye witness account. This explained to them why I was divorcing their dad. They were behind me 100%. I wrnt through 3 attorneys before I found one who could understand what I wanted I was a "stepford" wife. He just left because I had become accustomed to living life alone, and he felt ignored, unwanted Love your stuff, Dr. Ramani!

Thank you Dr Ramani ! Yes we who have lived with it know ! I learnt the hard way so called professionals meditators Solicitors family lawyers Ect can’t comprehend this very cruel personality disorder!

You are God sent. Thank you for ALL your clarity and sanity.

I’ve been to a lot of therapists, both throughout my marriage and since, none have mentioned the word narcissist. I think the majority just don’t know. I found out what it was by accident surfing the net, and then went down the rabbit hole, this was a yr out of my marriage. Realised my parents and ex were narcs and I attract them. When we did marriage counselling, they sided with him, I was so mixed up and gaslit that I couldn’t explain myself. Glad to be free and still working on myself.

Dr. Ramani is of fire! Love it! Love it! Love it! From all the videos this one i did a bunch for my healing. Thank you doc!

Cheaters gonna cheat. No matter how good or bad the marriage was. The partner who looks elsewhere was going to cheat. Thank you for being the voice of reason. 💝

I had a mediator just like this at my custody hearing in California years and years ago. I thought they were crazy then and I still do. Hearing your assessment of this kind of behavior is validating to my experience some years ago

Ugh I had a therapist tell me that I was the reason someone strayed. I am very attractive and often am treated badly by other women, and I realize now this is possibly where this therapist was coming from. This video reminded me this happened and hearing you say this has really healed me.

💥🔥🔥🔥🔥 🤬I feel like my head is on fire too after hearing this report. Again and again people and self-acclaimed professionals in our society blame the victim without even knowing the history and the people involved because 1. It's easy, 2. They don't know how to fight the bully 3. They try to be "politically correct", although phony, to say "I need to hear both side of the story first". This is what we are dealing with right now. Thank you Dr Ramani for bringing this up.

Oh Dr Ramani, this was brilliant and witty and I was cheering on all of us as the story unfolded!! Thank you! And trust that those who are healing can see these fundamentally narcissistic attitudes from miles. Trust yourselves, victim blaming can take highly sophisticated levels, but it's still detectable - nope, there's always an honest chat before you cheat. After that, it's done. 😊❤

Spot on, Dr. Ramani...You have excellently described the serial, repeated, conniving cheater is the narcissistic betrayer! They don't stop, they just get good at hiding it.

Merci beaucoup ! Vous mettez des choses a leurs juste place. Ma soeur, étant mariée avec un narcissique personne durant 10 ans, elle a essayé de arranger des choses avec 4 thérapeutes. Tous les quatre étaient inutiles, parc e que n’ont rien compris. Tous ont parlé des « efforts « et des trucs, mais ils n’ont pas vu les racines du problème. C’est pour dire, que très très souvent des personnes qui sont sensées d’aider une victime du narcissique abuse, ne font que aggraver des choses en la rendant coupable. Hélas ! Merci pour votre travail ! Que Dieu vous bénisse.

Thank you Dr. Ramani. You are a shining beacon of hope in a world filled with narcissists. I appreciate you more than you can possibly know.

I had a therapist who did this to me regarding a toxic work place environment heavy ladden with narcissist bosses. The therapist even stated that there was definite narcissistic abuse done to me and down right toxic workplace environment. But, then told me it was my fault because I need to have better boundaries. Ummmm..... narcissists never adhere to boundaries! Boundaries with bosses, where I have no power or authority, who have a history of destroying people and a large organization that is historically systemic dysfunctional. The reputation was so much so, that where I got my doctoral degree (two states over) from, knew of how toxic the organization was. Needless to say, I became the frog in the pot of boiling water. Didn't get out in time and got severely burned. Anyway, my main point.... even therapists can victim blame. I dropped that therapist immediately. Have boundaries with a narcissist...🤦 There is no such thing, just get the f*** out! The false idea that you will change things or that they will ever change (esp with entire systems) is you need to just (do this or that) and if you didn't it is your fault .... is so damaging. 🤬

Jaw dropping story! Just wow! Sadly though I have met (and moved on from!) several mental health care "professionals" who "specialise in trauma" and have this exact same view. Thank you Dr Ramani. Just... thank you for all you have done and continue to do. xx

Boy, I wish you had been my therapist when I was getting a divorce, and it’s true that a narcissistic spouse does seek novelty, and the more shock factor and gaslighting they can serve up with their betrayals, the happier it makes them. Mediation from my experience, is just another way to shell out more money and these judges who tell you to work it out between yourselves instead of reading your file, need replaced. Thank you Doctor, first time in decades I heard from somebody else the same thing I had been thinking.

Ugh! I understand this too well. My ex & I saw some therapists with that mindset. All it does is give the narcissist a pass & give bogus validation to their abuse.

I love you Dr. Ramini! You have taught this 60 yr old SO much❤. God bless your life. Your videos saved my life. ❤❤❤

I’ve been in situations like this one….that I call “twilight zone”….because I have a severely autistic son and have to deal with many different types of professionals and government people…it’s BAD out there!! There are soooooo many narcissists in this world nowadays and they cause so much damage when they are in “helping” professions. Before I knew what narcissism was, it was mind boggling. Now, thanks to earth angels like yourself and a few others, I’ve learned and developed the gift of discernment. I mean, just look at all the politicians nowadays. Our world is in trouble. We have an ETHICS/MORALS problem and the self regulation of these professionals is a joke….as the complaints are handled by more narcissists!! I call it spiritual warfare…..scary times 😢

That's a needed prophetic message against the cynical cult of excessively naïve over-sympathy that fosters narcissistic predators

❤ i’m learning everybody gets to be who they are so we can really see that truth and sometimes it’s our job to simply recognize it, slowly back away, turn, and RUN

It is crucial to be discerning who we are dealing with in order not to get hurt by a legal or medical professional who are very often narcisistic themselves. Thank you for your voice of reason dr Ramani. ❤ your help and support are invaluable. God bless you.❤

You've Got to be Kidding?!?! Yes, I also screamed. And my language degenerated to spicey obscenities. Keep educating the world, Dr Ramani. You are the Light in a dark and painful world. 💜💙💚