When I get thoughts I don't like, I literally say, No I don't agree with that and I choose to be thankful and forgive. It actually helps! Also, the renewing of my mind by reading the Bible is super valuable. Jesus helps me overcome things that I could never do on my own! Jesus is the best!

@@michellejohnsen912I completely agree. Betrayal has been the absolute worst experience I have lived out of all my experiences. But no one understands betrayal like Jesus Christ. It truly has been my daily bread. 🙏🏻❤️

@@thebluebutterfly5177 amen sister 🕊

For me it's the anger. At the one who betrayed me directly at time when my mind starts ruminating and remembering, but also at anyone who only remotely acts or says things like the betrayer, I immediately jump up and am triggered and verbally aggressive towards them! While I could just let it go, they pose no threat to me by their behavior, I am in no way connected to them or in a position to be hurt by them, yet I react negatively because I am just so triggered when somebody behaves like my betrayer. I just can't control it! That's what bothers me!

There isn't anything wrong with you. It's what happened to you that was wrong. Big hugs ♥ it's a terrible psychological shock when something like that happens. It's a completely normal human reaction. Ironic how we know how to deal with physical shock but not mental shock and the grief process involved. Instead we have a tendency to further add salt to the wound by attaching a label causing you to be stigmatized by others as though there actually is something wrong with you. Everyone has an ego. Betrayal is the most painful ego death that a human being could ever suffer. It will keep on resurfacing until you can finally trust someone enough to talk to about it. It means you must be willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable and willing to trust again. Therapy helps. Most definitely. Just remember...it wasn't your fault you were betrayed by someone you loved ♥

Amen

Stupid

Factssssssss!!!!

Far from it, even before going into action.

ACA/ACoA 12 step program has a simmilar laundry list. Worth looking at.

I refuse to be dictate by toxic humans, just move on with precautions and you will be o.k. Life is to short to be with naughty mind.

Jeez is short for Jesus. When I went to heaven the Holy Spirit yelled out over and over Jeez and the next thing I knew I was in heaven in front of him and he took a tumor from me.

Yes we are. He'll is other people and life is a waste of time.

Same here and I survived many betrayals from couples and friendnemies.

It is brutal. And was done for sport. At least it helped open my eyes about how I choose/ have chosen people.

i'm so sorry, there is no greater pain or betrayal than to have ur family turn against u.

Same

I'm so sorry this happened to you and to everyone else it has happened to. It has happened to me as well, and while my life is not perfect I do trust God and because of Him, I have been able to have some good experiences with some relationships. God is always there even when it seems like He isn't. I really appreciate everything Tim is teaching us all here. It is very helpful and I have hope that one day I will be fully healed. I have hope that the same will be true for you and everyone else. God Bless.

I still like people, but most of them need to be at least at arm's length. And they wear me out, so I don't want to be around them too much. But I have a cat, and he makes me laugh.

Same but got a cat, treating her like she’s my daughter

I love my single life with just a dog and a cat. I learned healthy boundaries and walk away if I see any signs of toxicity from friends. I don't feel lonely. After the last deep betrayal, I didn't feel lonely, I felt freedom.

I feel the same way. Partner is a little different as I feel it’s easy to get over and break up with them. Family (siblings in my case) is a little different as I kept going back and wanting to have a relationship with them but it’s good for a while and then the cycle repeats either they make me feel like an afterthought and won’t contact unless they want/need something. I go to roller coaster of depression about this and it is hard to cut contacts. I almost feel like I’m gaslighning my own self because I try to reason with myself and depend them. 😢

that dog won't advocate for you when you're older and sick

I am in the same situation. Figuring out ways make my present and future brighter.

I feel the same, I dont trust my choices

That’s so sad I felt that.

After being betrayed by countless partners & then my family.. for 4yrs everyday I studied narcissism, body language, behavioural analysis etc. (Just thru KZfaq videos). Now I see red flags in almost every person I meet & it scares me. I also can spot genuinity from a mile away, but I’m too broken for those people. ~They deserve so much better than me. So I too stay alone.💔

Thats such a scary feeling, ive been there, the fear of it happening again and the what ifs, u can research here to help u on ur way, and trust ur gut, if something feels off, theres a reason for it, dont dismiss it for excuses u can brew up. trust u, and learn how to spot these monsters, everything from behavior to words they use, lack of emotion- s/al intelligence is also a big one, learn to see through the facade. all of this, it gives u a whole other level of peace, u might see red flags in everyone after, i did, but we all have some red flags, it doesnt mean were monsters, were "just" human beings, flawed. But through this process, u learn to spot the serious dangers, then walk away from it before it ever really begins, trust urself in this, and dont give up, u dont deserve that. best of luck

They do not give a shit about the destroy they are involve, no remorse even please with themself, it is all about control and to win no matter what. RUN FOR THE HILL ASAP when you see the red flag and they are always present.

So hauntingly beautiful what you wrote is. True

I wish my family could see their fault, but they don’t. ~or at least they pretend not to. They all stick together & twist everything around to make out it’s all me & I’m just crazy. Unfortunately I do live with who they are. Alcohol truly destroys families.

Well said.

It is !

The most painful😢

I have the same exact problem. It’s so painful. It takes the air out of the room. I really believe I have heartbroken syndrome. It’s been about seven years now and it’s so painful. God bless you. I know exactly how you feel. All we can do is give it to God.

How did they betray you?

@@ricklubbers1526 too complicated to put in a comment to a stranger on KZfaq. No offense. The disrespect is on many levels 💔

Yes, but if the betrayers were your parents (from your earliest moments on earth), your entire life is circumscribed. Therapy and prayer certainly help, but grief persists....deep grief.

@@cynthia7564 Hi Cynthia, why not get a really good physical checkup ...everyone deserves that...do what you need to do to be healthy...this will help you see things clearly and make good decisions...

​@@cynthia7564 This I've been grieving for 40 years over these things. It's hard to get past not mattering that my safety as a child was an afterthought and mattered so little compared to certain people accepting her and manipulating her into wanting to allow her daughter to lack safety.

It doesnt matter.

People are free to choose loyalty or betrayal, good or bad, relationship or leaving at each step. Now I specify loyalty in my relationships and make it clear that's what I expect. I'm still trusting by nature, thank God!

Once you learn how he loves you.That's what love is you on that

Amen 🙏

Same.

That's great but don't lose empathy, compassion and patience for those who had maybe more, worse, more horrific such as being left home to die and betrayed by healthcare, and laypeople..... God is still awesome, even when I'm in a dark, bruised, very destroyed place. I'm SO thankful He takes me the longhand, painful way around so I can remain empathetic and sensitive to others, not spiritually gaslighting them or making them feel something is wrong with them if they believe in God but did have "emotional ransom." Trauma changes the brain and sometimes the nervous system has to be healed as well. When betrayal comes with physical abuse and domestic violence from home to the worlplace to the healthcare system? It adds up and it's over 44 for some of us. God is still awesome.

@@ginnymobley8246 ?

Same

Yes it can, the Lord is a Lord of restoration!

THIS!!! You nailed it perfectly! Wonderful job!!! 👏👏👏

Very well articulated.

Yes but they lure you in with their actions .

Well said my friend ❤.

Love this!

Good you can finally start being yourself

Same here.I am 84 and it has all been just to much.At this age there is no hope.I am content to just be alone.

​@@MarthaBenefield There is hope at any age, just gotta know where to look, to find new friends/partners.

Good job and congratulations on your sobriety and healing journey!

@@Lioness_of_Gaia thank you so much 🙏

Glad you healed. You are not alone.

I love this so well done to you I’m in recovery it’s like a new world you can’t put up with the things you once did. Good luck💓😊

@@galhits thank you!

Yes, I paid for some online workshops last fall, that I haven't even opened up yet. I wish I had the money back, because I sure could use it right now. I realized immediately that I had bought the workshops in a bid to give loving care to myself, because the person I loved was treating me like human garbage

Omgosh this explains why I buy things that give me a sense of future hope that I will get through the freeze state of betrayal trauma 😮thank you for sharing 😊I AM not alone❤

I don't think this works in my case. I bought mine so I could keep my dream job. Strange how that turned out.

This was me. I would purchase things with a future vision of when I could wear/use them. And they just sat there. I am glad I finally saw what it was. I really don't buy much other than gas and groceries. Sometimes a piece of clothing but rare anymore.❤

​@@flash_flood_area This is not a good idea.

Absolutely. You are so right. I felt exactly like that. It took me years to get over it. But now I am good.

Best part is once you have been hurt like that, you never have to take anyone else seriously, ever again.

I know someone with the same story (then she married an equally bad abuser). She now says, the only person who could help her is a hypnotherapist whose practice is called Spirit Release Therapy / Spirit Release And Psychotherapy.

Hmm I guess that makes sense bc Iberia not mourned the loss of myself either! It was my last two relationships & the last one did everything deliberately for 1 bc they told me but conveniently don't recall telling me & 2 bc I confided in them about my past relationship bc I am in meds, have a psychiatrist but having a hard time finding a counselor who accepts Medicare & is taking be patients. I have what I believe are very severe mental & psychological issues that have taken a major effect on my life & we can't forget the financial hardship as well. I didn't depend on this person but we were supposed to move in together after I moved across the states for them which never happened. Only 2½ months after moving here (here is where I grew up so my family & kids are here but that's a whole other story) I was moving in with my eldest son but my partner & I do I thought so I guess I was the only one working on the relationship! I knew better but I wanted this so badly & I feel in love with them. We had been friends since middle school so many many years to about 1yr so I received a pic of them with someone else which the text said that their future was now beginning!! I lost it, but I never approached them in it bc I don't ever want to snap & I still haven't seen them. However, I still wanted to work on things through couples counseling but a month after the pic they completely left me! They left me alright, left me in a freakin wreck!! My heart was like confetti everywhere but not for a fun or exciting time! A freakin shattered, broken, destroyed piece of nothing left to die. No remorse, no empathy, no care what's so ever, like zero at all total void!! Everything on these lists yep even some of the sexual ones only bc now I just don't tryst anyone to be intimate with as & that means in the romantic type of intimacy realm either. Of course I've thought about me & how was I going to get through this but never did I look at it in the realm of mourning that person I was with both of my last 2 relationships! What I wanted was answers which I know that I'll never hear the truth truth but maybe bits & pieces that I could or together but I'm tired, I'm done, I'm exhausted & truthfully I need my Heavenly Father to be the footsteps in the sand bc I just can't do this at all anymore, I have zero left in me, no strength, it's way too much for me. I may think of mourning myself bc that sounds about right for me anyway. Please just keep me in y'all's prayers! TY 🙏💔😭

What made you think they never mourned your loss?

Sometimes people are just not meant to be in relationships❤ I’m definitely one of them.

@@Gotoworkkk but do you have to? because the cheaters should be the ones that aren't meant to be in a relationship imo...they will probably repeat their toxicity again and again

@@teutonic4270 absolutely not. You could do whatever you’d like to do. Not everybody is a cheater. I, personally just don’t do well with relationships.

i know what you mean... sometimes it's even quite hilarious in a dark humor sort of way

Maybe not relief from the betrayal itself, but definitely the confirmation of betrayal … knowing you’re not paranoid, imagining things, etc This in the context of a spouse cheating for example

Not in my case. Fear has become a major issue for me.

@@Lyrielonwind i used to get anxiety-attacks, out of nowhere. They appeared as if the world around me suddenly became 2 dimentional and mooved like waves or spinning. It is terrifying. One day I got another attack, while waiting for a bus. But instead of being terrorised by it, I got this thought from out of nowhere, "let's see how terrified I can be", and I really felt the terror so hard I could. This happened automatically, my body did it for me. And after 2 seconds in terrible terror, it stopped. I have never gotten these attacks again. Emotions cannot be intellectualized away by thinking correctly, they can only be felt away by enduring the feeling. I don't know why I tell you this. If you can use it, fine, if not, that is also fine. Your body can be very smart and helpful, sometimes. I salute you, fearfriend. The world can be a terrible place to be. I hope your fear will dissolve into a summers breeze. You're not alone.

​@@ceciliebille8501what I'm feeling about triggers is that being a person who was abused as a kid _ that a person who is not very aware of their behavior ( an abuser) is triggering u into fear _anger or rage of being invalidated for being alive. I'm learning to understand that when I get triggered in a particular environment _ there's a wolf around _ better close the gate.

Arm yourself with the skills and knowledge for quickly recognising the traits of a narcissist personality disorder (manipulative, exploitative, false ally / abuser). There are many videos and interviews on this topic (KZfaq).

I am going through exactly the same right now and only things keeps me going is working out

It was about her. Not you. I hope you can get to the place where she has no further negative power over you. Maybe one day you can resume the friendships you have since rejected.

Surrender , have no expectations & get out of your own head. You are not the problem & this plan will bring you peace moving forward..

You are NOT the problem.

💔😢❤

Same.

Tough but true. I've just accepted that we live in a world of sinners and I've adjusted my expectations and boundaries accordingly.

Functional Freeze?

Aproape orice relație e o iluzie , începând cu cea a părinților din care ne-am născut . Căsătoria e o mare farsă și oamenii tac pentru că nu-și pot asuma vieți personale în afara modelelor ăstora erodante . Ne ia aproape o viață să ieșim din tristețe și furie și-apoi ne vedem singuri pentru că nu ne lăsăm manipulați sau refuzam să manipulăm pentru a ne ușura zilele . În familia mea avem de lucrat la suicid recurent ( Michael Newton , Viața dintre vieți ) și e nevoie ca măcar o persoană într-o generație să spună lucrurilor pe nume , cu prețul imens de-a rămâne în autenticitate . Am 52 de ani și m-a marcat rolul de mamă , însă copiii au plecat pentru a-și putea trăi propriul adevăr și eu mă caut ca niciodată , în mine , pentru că orice altceva în afara de natură și animale mă erodează . Din când în când mai pot să mă uit la un om ca acesta . Te salut .

@@RavenStealstheNight I know! Happiness is short-lived. Evolution has not been too generous with human beings. I guess our big brains got in the way.

​@@RavenStealstheNight I would just assume someone asking me to "trust them." Probably just trying to set me up somehow probably not real just trying to learn about me to destroy me. Sadly it's probably true I do attract those kinda people like my whole life.

You could consult a Registered Homeopath about the auto-immune. Fairly affordable, absolutely safe, and simple drops.

Sarah, Im so sorry. What kind of people see this going on and don’t offer help? Many women are tricked back by forgetting/death. I pray some good people will come to you and that doesn’t happen. I do gaf about you. Sending love🙏💐

That 'wife' committed a crime. Report it.

That's exactly what happened to me in the UK. I begged the wife to help me but she ignored me with a cold face. I reported it, but 9 years later still trying to get justice. I will never give up.

I'm so sorry

Trump?

No, you've been betrayed 7 times by an enemy.

Trust yourself ❤️‍🩹 you’ve got this!

Yep, I feel the same way as you

I have survived couple and friendship betrayal trauma but the last one I have come to realized, mother and siblings betrayal is the one that has sent me to a deep hole I don't know how to get out. It's the ultimate betrayal 😢 Five years and counting

I don’t know about anyone else, but in I don’t want to have this. I’ve done Harbouring Hope with Affair Recovery and they cover things in a great way. But Jesus Christ as I’ve just said further up has been such a help. He takes the weight of expectation that I’m meant to have it. That doesn’t mean I give any responsibility that I need to take on myself but the stuff outside of that in betrayal can very often be too much. I do empathise, have gone through those very same feelings of feeling I’ve nothing left. Praying and sending you love ❤️🙏🏻

@@Lyrielonwindyou must be the scapegoat because same 😢

It's hard to heal in the same place we were hurt 😢

Work really hard to get away. I spent my days and evenings in my car for a bit, I'd spend most of my time out of the house except going home at night to sleep. I'd go to the library and apply for gigs and jobs etc. Being around them makes it very difficult to move on

Yes we can - Jesus will show u. Me too I was and continue to be professionally groomed for performance and patents_ if your creative _ hide it. If your truly unique as God created u _ in this World _ HIDE your gifts from the Pigs. It wants to clone u _ for it's dead baby army _ exploits you for anything _ as like as u full of fear and anger _ this 'Jing aThing' gets to live in the bacteria around you_waiting for it's ultimate take over of your behavior _ you'll live be in childhood abuse perceptions for the rest of your life_ staying triggered in betrayal_ Jesus is the way and life out of this snare _ a good of book is the Bait of Satan.

Ouch! I am sorry this happened to you. Developing trust in setting boundaries by your own self ( what is acceptable to you and what is not), may help you feel safer. Don’t give up. Never ever blame yourself. The betrayal by the therapist is criminal, not just an unprofessional conduct. This kind of toxic behavior belongs to the abuser. Sorry to say, the predators are everywhere, even among those who suppose to heal us. Best wishes on your path to healing.

@@gorunsko31 Thanks very much for your thoughtful reply. I can't tell you how impactful your words are.

It could be worse, she could still be in your life.

@@Ricky-mouser Thanks Rocky. Very true and well said

God I couldn't, your stronger than me, I would need to leave

They don't trust you either

It won’t get better 21 years just got worse nothing you do will ever be enough until you leave and even after then they want to see you gone permanently. That is the whole agenda these people are not human they are dealing with sonic entities. Please be safe!🙏🏽❤️

dominic

I’ve been through similar. I stayed for 5 years because of the kids. Found out of a betrayal in 2015 and talked with her and forgave her within a month somehow. And then on October 12, 2019 things seemed off and I found out that she had never stopped cheating and it grew exponentially. Saw videos of her having sex with others on her phone. I tried staying because of the kids and spent over ten grand on counseling and medicine. And then in august of 2022 I realized that she will never change. I wish I had left on day one in 2015. I would be in a much better place today.

I see you expressing this story as your story or your experience. I hope you get the care / love / respect that you deserve. Cheers All the best.

@@nickandrews2255 thank you. I see how many spelling errors I made ( will edit soon), so I couldn’t help myself, but let the pain to emerge, because I felt safe in this group. I felt I can be believed. He is known to be a nice guy, he married me so I would “take care” of him. If I am vulnerable, he may feel threatened by it and punishes me. I appreciate being heard in this forum. Not a native speaker of English, I dared to share. My trust is in Tim and people who follow him.

That would have been a very traumatic experience 😢 I'm so sorry you went through that. Can I ask why you couldn't call 911?

Ive had a very similar experience. I determined, after I divorced him, that he is a covert narcissist. Greatest move i made was just leaving him. Turns out he had a whole other life situation going on with someone else.

@@0208connie covert narcissist sounds accurate. So happy for you, you liberated yourself from this dangerous in the long run, situation.

I am so sorry. My heart was destroyed by my ex husband and I have no idea how to trust another man again. So lonely, and he's already remarried 😢

@@Relaxingwithpigeons He's someone elses problem now. Like the song goes "The next you cheat it's not going to be on me."

Same here.

​@@Relaxingwithpigeons I'd feel sorry for her...

The blame is not on you. It’s on them for being despicable. You’re a good heart. Give yourself Grace.

It sucks to give ur family ur all just for it to be *crickets* once ur the one in need of help. It is like a death.💔

I am living for my animals too and my mother. So we have to keep going don't we. I lost my home too and do not have enough money to get my own home. So I have to live with my brother and his wife and my mom lives there too. I feel like an intruder. So sad most of the time. Even though I have therapy, on meds, have family emotional support. I still am so sad. I was with him for over 25 years.

Life is damn hard, yes. but giving up doesnt help u either, we define how we want our lives and then work towards reaching that goal, that will be damn hard too, but beats settling for hopelessness and contentment of current situation, yes?

Same

now live the life you were supposed to! you are no longer trapped by them, so go out and have yourself a good time, travel and relax. they cant fuk you over anymore, whats not to like?

@@gkauto1959well the betrayal is real and I still have two children with him. We were together 20 years. I cant enjoy myself cause he is still around and I am building my life from scratch: no job, as was stay at home mom. Now kids are still small and I have no support system to take a full time job. Not to mention travelling.

That would definitely suck!! What a sh*t brother. I’m sorry they both did this to you! 🫶🏼

@@kr0wn.aSSaSSin thanks for the good vibe

OK, that isn't good enough reason to go atheist.

Abandoned by my father, then cheated on for years by my husband who eventually left me after those stressful years, then emotional abuse from 2nd husband who had online affairs with multiple women and he eventually found one he married online after I left him. (Probably because I wanted to be first to control it) I have decided I'm best on my own. Casual friendships for companionship but nothing serious. I do not want to get hurt again. Plus, I know I'm a lot to handle.

But ur aware of urself, u say u disregulate, good! awareness is progress, now learn how to heal that part of u. and dont get mad at urself, we all fail, and thats okay too, none of us is 100% good at anything from the first try, its a learning curve, there will be a lota fail but also a lota wins, keep ur focus on the wins and learn from the fails. and know that theres always tomorrow and this isnt a race u need to win, take the time u need, to heal u, but dont neglect self love on the way, take the small wins and make them big, because, to u, they are big wins. and celebrate them. it will help u stay motivated too.

@@Xzerbit thank you.

God bless you. It must be horrible. He’ll return one day. Don’t stop trying to communicate. 🙏

Maybe you need to take a harder look at your own self. Self reflect! Read your message yourself. Maybe you have NPD of the vulnerable/covert type. It is super hards for kids to get estranged from their parents too. But sometimes they have to do it for their own healing and sanity.

Wow _ consider this a gift from God. I'm 63 in a similar situation _ had no Idea_ I was betrayed and used. Be careful and at this point _ not to go reactive and mirror the abuser. That's the whole point of the betrayal _ for u to fall _ and for the abuser to get your blessings. Hold fast and hang on to God _ your going on a roller coaster ride and Jesus is going to show u _ what's up.

Ouch! I am so sorry. Now is the times to use the energy and skills to take care of you. ❤

​truth

That's illegal.

its heartbreaking to hear u were treated this way, i hope ur in a better place now.

I'm sorry this happened to you

Same happened with me recently. Put 3 years of hard work leading the game project only to get stabbed in a back (losing my leading position and all creative control) by new producer coming to project being close to public release. I guess I'll keep working for a while to care about my people and to finish the project, but I feel very cruel about all this situation.

@@SingBluebird I know, been there done that, what a waste of time and energy and trust. It will happen again, but next time you are better prepared. Don't give up. You know your craft. You know what you can do.

This happened to my adult daughter. I am happy to share she found a new job, where she is appreciated. Believe in your skills and your worth. Looking for a new job will empower you. Even if you don’t get an offer, just getting job interview will help you to recognize your value. Best wishes. Save the loyalty for yourself not for the employer. You come first.

@@SingBluebird If they get away with it, or even are rewarded for the misdeeds, they will continue doing it. You know your worth, or else you would have made up all kinds of excuses for them. Don’t give up. Now you know better.

happened to me too. they are also a therapist. God will be the judge between he and me,

Look up DARVO and covert narcissist. That’s what you guys are dealing with.

@@BarbaraGrigg-mz1bksame. Just learning that my therapist has been a master manipulator the whole time and has a bunch of red flags not just for a therapist but a person. Absolute narcissist

It never comes from an enemy.

that and i would add the feeling of worthlessness too. beside that, spot on.

from my experience, it will be up and down, lota downs, but even with diagnosed cptsd, i was told it was permanent, it isnt, for me so far, its one hell of a battle, but determination and willpower goes a long way. so far its been extremely lowered, the worst parts are gone, now whats left is the small fixes that needs healing, betrayal was a huge part of this. from my pov, nothing is ever permanent, in the psyche, if u decide u wont let it be so, and then work towards reaching that goal. but thats personal opinion. theres always hope.

@@Xzerbit Thank you, I really appreciate this comment

I wonder if you could report that major theft. Was that a "joint account"? If not, it is a major fraud. You could show a Police detective the balance of your account on the date you entered hospital, and the balance when you were discharged. They have experts for detecting online fraud. And they usually despise such appalling criminal injustice.

I am so glad you survived those evil temptations!!

@@GramCracker77 thank you… nice to actually hear that. Hope peace stays with you on your journey. Sending you good vibes!!!

@@scottallen5269 thank you!! This journey is tough. I couldn't make it without Jesus!! What doesn't kill you truly does make you stronger!

@@GramCracker77 agreed!!! I think HE, is the only strength and hope that gets me through it. Health first Happiness always

@@scottallen5269 Im so HAPPY to hear that!! 💞