My goodness. I am so sorry to everyone who has gone through so much with toxic mothers. My mum was so kind and soft-spoken(she passed away when i was 18 years old). She was such a wonderful lady even my teenage friends loved her because she always told them how beautiful they were. My mums name was Peace. She was such a peace maker.

Let’s normalize not telling people “But she is your mom” When they open up on how their mother wounds hurt;I had to cut mine off after I realized her “love” for me was just attached to money and what i could give her

It’s funny how when we try to talk about these things our mothers think we are just being dramatic. The gaslighting and manipulation goes on until you actually feel like the difficult child

Weh this is sooo close to my heart my biggest bully is my mum - I went no contact for 10 yrs tried to think about things from her perspective and forgive her for she did what she had to do for us to survive - so I reached out to her but nah that woman never changed she’s the same , I pour my heart out to her and how her actions made me and still makes me feel , all she says is I did a lot of things for you, even married an ugly man for you 😅 then she proceeds to ask for money . I pray I heal because am not bringing kids in this world until I heal because I never want to bring a child in this world and make them feel like I can’t be their friend !!

First things first, Jo's dress is giving.

It’s mindblowing When you realise you have a good relationship with your mom because you live by her rules, cannot make decisions without telling her first because your mind has been conditioned to be a people pleaser. It’s a humbling moment.

Omg!! Wait wait wait!! First of all, congratulations for even chartering this taboo, unspoken, mucky, sensitive waters! We have come a long way as Africans! Our mothers and grandmothers could never! Even a lot of us could never! We will die with our wounds! 😂😂😂 We will heal through you! Thank you ❤

Thank you for this episode. I am raising my daughter with so much love, simply because this is all i know. I come from a house where mom showed us so much love. People in my community would always say that we are spoiled since my mom is always nice to us. In my mom's world view, her children come first. Mom was brought up by her grandmother, her mom did not/does not love her as much, however, my mom chose to parent differently, she chose to show love to her kids even though she didn't get it from her mom. Becuase of her good choice, she was able to pass on the button of love to me and my siblings. My daughter is three, and i expect her to pass on the same button. We can break the chain, we can undo, we can unlearn, there is no excuse.

I started crying as soon as clicked the play button, personally my mum put me through alot,she wasnt there for me both Financiallyand emotionally,I had to beg her to buy me even a 50 bob pads...School opening days were a night mare,I almost dropped out of school. She used to drink so much alcohol and I would be left with so much shame in the neighbourhood not forgetting that I would be left taking care of my siblings...The list is too long MOTHER WOUND is not a joke. I have a daughter now and I am raising her in a way that I wished I were raised.

My mum is the kindest I know it. She is my cousins favorite auntie and the auntie who would come through for her nieces if they made a mistake of even becoming pregnant. On the other side, my sister and I feel we don’t have such an auntie and definitely not that type of support from her.

Mothers can break you in ways you can't even imagine. Like Lydia, I was a very emotional kid. I don't know how to hide how I'm feeling. To my mother, though, that was being childish if I'm crying or rude if I am angry about something. I couldn't just be a child. I went to boarding school when I was 8 years old, so we don't really know each other. She doesn't know me at all. She called me the devil and wished death on me severally. Like I grew up knowing I'm the devil. Out of her four kids, I am the one who never met her approval. She did her best to compare me with all our neighbour's kids telling me i should be like so and so all the damn time. My dad, he took us to good to schools. So, I worked hard and got a job immediately after campus. Didn't tamarc. She started to see ni kama nitakua mtu sasa. Should have seen her remorse telling me I won't die like she had said and telling me she takes back everything she ever said. Left home in 2016 after I got the job, and now she was fighting for my attention akiwa amenyenyekea kabisa. I was so wounded. My dad went through some financial struggle around the time. Not that he wasn't supporting the household, but income wasn't that much because he retired. So, I had to step in. And every time I received her phone call, it became about money. My stomach would turn every time she needed gas or sijui what. The story is very long because this woman even swore she'd never come to my house. Ati sitawai muona kwangu. Eventually, I went to therapy. My therapist took me through processing that wound. It's a work in progress. You never really heal, especially when you still have to deal with said parent. She is the type that will never admit to being wrong or will blame her upbringing or my dad. It's always something but her. I try to understand that her childhood was hard, but that is no excuse. Ladies, have kids when you've dealt with your demons. I feel like my mum in their days they only got kids ndio isemekane they are married and have kids. It wasn't about being good parents... I guess my mum is the reason why I didn't wanna have kids. When my daughter came this year, I knew I couldn't fail her. I have to watch my mouth, my feelings, and how I communicate to her. My mum is now living with me since I gave birth in March. I try to look past her. I know I will heal in motherhood. I will make my daughter my friend and she will never be alone. I love it here.

Hugs to everyone who has mother wounds.. I grew up knowing that am a failure, just because this is the insult my mom kept throwing at me.. Little did she know that me dropping in class performance was because of the step dad she brought in my life.. Years later I made it in life(medical officer now). Have tried to spend money on her, to earn her love and acceptance but it hasn't worked. Am in my thirties, yet she will still show me hate on my face. This really hurts, I decide to love from a distance, tho I cut communication completely. I started my KZfaq channel, have talked about this, Alhamdullilah am healing

I came here to laugh and be happy only to cry the entire episode and leave sadder than before i pressed play🥺🥺😭😭😭wishing everyone going through this lots of healing

The title just triggered me in a million ways. Been to therapy about the same issue but anytime people talk about mums, a random wave of sadness hits me. Hope with time I get to heal this part of my life.

Am sorry to everyone who has gone through a traumatic & unhealthy relationship with their Mum😢we see & hear you & wish you healing. There's no shame in loving someone who's causing you pain from far.

This is such a much needed episode. I applaud everyone that has come out to speak about their mother wounds and especially those who have chosen to cut off when their peace of mind was compromised, we are really evolving as a society. My mother wound spans back to my high school years when I would fall sick and she would say I am pretending :) or that I needed to take up certain subjects forcefully or I was demanding. This made me closer to my dad who was way empathetic and took me to hospital whenever this happened. I always ended up going back to school same day just to avoid my mother's remarks. While these are not substantially significant, I matured and came to acknowledge that the woman was going through alot back then mainly driven by the marriage and overwhelming financial demands. We have a very good relationship now and her empathy is just out of this world. I am not sure whether I want to tell her about it someday, but I am soaking in how much love and care she has for me and my siblings now. Our lives certainly changed and she does not have any toxic trait.

I applaud myself for leaving my toxic, abuser and an alcoholic partner when i was 5 months pregnant. My worry was raising my daughter in such an environment. We are now happy and living our best lives here in Germany. Thanks TMI.

This is the episode that I have been waiting for. Growing up i never had any memories with my mum nor stayed with her, I'm a victim of childhood trauma and torture from my step mom. Fast forward to my Uni days i was like let me look for my mother and get to ask her what really happened so that can know her side of the story to see if it was different from what i was hearing from my other relatives, NO it wasn't different she is selfish and not interested in knowing if i was tortured or not. I tried to throw myself at her for like 4 years as my colleagues would tell me "THAT'S YOUR MUM NOMATTER WHAT FORGIVE HER" but deep down as a child i was getting pained for her not loving me back until I decided enough was enough and decided to cut off her in my life for good. This is not even a tip of what i wanted to write it's a hell of 4 years. I regret looking for her, i would have let things be the way they were. Greetings from Uganda.

That introduction had me crying already,,😮❤❤

Joan the dress is giving ooh😍 y'all look so beautiful today🤩🤩

What i can say is THANK YOU GOD FOR HEALING MY MOTHER WOUND. I turned 30 this year and am so happy knowing i HEALED, 3 years now not talking to my mother and i have peace.

Dr Anita Phillips says "The way you treat the child inside of you is the way you'll treat the child in front of you" Listening to this shows how much hurt people can hurt people. Our mums have mother wounds themselves, unfortunately, the trauma is passed on to the next generation. Also if you have struggled with father wounds, mother wounds are hard to acknowledge. You struggle with one parent so your crave for attention, affirmation or validation goes to the other parent. So acknowledging that your one present parent also has flaws can be really hard.

Damn! Growing up my mum was so tough on us, if something went wrong, my explanation was never considered but then as a kid I lied alot too, but obviously there are times I wasnt lying. She exposed my weaknesses and mistakes to others, being a teacher, she would ask another teacher to beat me for something I did. With time, I resented our relationship, that as working woman right now, I feel weird when she expresses her care, concern and love for me. It feels really really weird. Hopefully, I can overcome this

The introduction part 😢as a young mum am working on myself so much to heal from my childhood traumas so that I cannot subject my son my own traumas,I shout alot ,I tell like a dinosaur I think I have to shout so that my son can listen to me since growing as a child,i was shouted at etc,I mean it's alot ,I just want and need to heal so much

Murugi looks fly in that dress

I have subscribed for the mere fact that you had the guts to touch this topic. Kudos

I haven’t seen my mom for 6 years, she constantly asks me to go see her and I keep saying I’ll come. But in real sense she’ll NEVER set her eyes on me in this lifetime, I’ve grieved her while she’s alive (any function I have she’s not invited), third parties will be dealt with accordingly, I’m in the healing process and she’s blocked everywhere 💯!

My body issues and eating disorder comes from my mother. Always has a -ve comment about how I look. From my hair down to my feet. Also, my self-talk is extremely critical. My therapist asked me to identify whose voice it is that I've adopted as my internal voice. It's my mom's voice

I once watched parents apologizing to their children for whatever they had put them through while growing up ...they said they didn't know any better...i loved that and i think that's why most parents should do but unfortunately they haven't changed one bit

I'm crying all through the episode 🥺 I don't even have the words to type what I've gone through with my mom. I just wish I didn't have to know her 😔. May God give us grace through our mother wounds.

This is a very powerful topic that’s very uncomfortable to a lot of Africans who have created this beautiful picture of their lived experience and fear to criticise their parents.

I have met people who make me feel guilty of saying my mum failed me. It's like am not even allowed to say my mum hurt me. Intentionally or unawares.

The way you say, 'It's definitely TMI' these days makes me get goosebumps🎉🎉!!! It's simply beautiful. Cheers gals😊

Note to self: I feel so blessed because I am not able to relate to this conversation at all. 🙏🙏🙏. As a family we had many challenges growing up but always felt so surrounded by love, reassurance, and encouragement growing up. Even when things were very bad and we were navigating one crisis to another, somehow mum helped us find ourselves and have a sense of balance. I thank God for the gift she was to our family. May she rest in eternal peace.

I needed this ❤ my mother will never take accountability for her actions and the pain she continues to afflict on her kids and husband (recently recovered from cancer). The cancer didn’t stop her from continuing the toxicity in-fact it heightened it…WILD. It’s hurtful and reflective of her own mother wound and self hate. She refused to get help instead we swing from understanding mum to hurtful & manipulative mum. I’ve tried to go no contact but since having my baby it’s hard (she wants to be a Cucu etc.). Man, it’s so complex.

why have I cried through this entire episode tho?😭for my mum, for myself as a single mum and for my daughter, the introspection you have triggered is a lot. Thank you for this really

Commenting b4 watching because I was home the other day and thinking how I need to detach from my mom's struggles because I. Can easily inherit them and think that it is my identity.

This is the conversation. I hate my mother she has always been jealous of me. I've tried to be a well mannered kid amongst all my siblings. She has said extremely hurtful words to me over nothing, tried to stab me. Hide food from me at my worst. Talked I'll of my partner when he passed on. Really traumatized me and turned everyone in the family against me. She is disgusting 🤮 and I don't care what happens to her in this lifetime. Let's normalize cutting off our toxic parents without feeling guilty.

It has been a long journey I no longer feel attached or indebted to her, in fact, I ignore her calls and money requests. It hasn't been easy for the better part of my life. Your own mother rubbing it on your face you ain't no better than her boy kid who is a mama's boy right now lol. As I look back I'm so proud of myself for choosing me and seeking help to be a better mom to my future kids. Mother wounds its one of those traumas that never go away it's a constant reminder not everyone deserves to be a mom.

Hi ladies, firstly you look gorgeous. This episode couldn't have come on a better day. I needed this. Ive been married for 3yrs but every time i call my mom to let her know I'll be coming to visit for a few days she always come up with something that will just stop me from going home. One time she told me, instead of me coming i should just send her the money that I'd have used going on there. I told her yesterday that I'll be coming in the course of the week , early today she called saying.. everyone in the house has caught a flu(homa) so she doesn't see it as a good idea if i go because I have a 3yr old baby. I feel so bad , wondering why my mom doesn't want me as bad I want to be with her. Ever since i got married, she has never even asked how im doing in my marriage or how i am personally. Were 4 siblings, all sisters Two are abroad, they're the ones close to her heart. My mom sees us as failures, she believes those abroad are the best. I haven't talked to my elder sister who is abroad for like a yr now, my mom is aware but she's just okay. She even sometimes stirs the pot. She'd tell my siblings not to help us (financially ) instead she the "most deserving" than us. We're siblings yet so apart and it breaks my heart that my mom is just okay with it. My mom never introduced us to any of her family members. I don't know my relatives, yet as siblings were so apart. It pains. So much.

Moving with my phone to the bathroom because of the magnitude of the topic it's just crazy,thank you for discussing such uncomfortable topic it's so insightful.God bless.

This episode really healed me, especially when Lydia said that your mother wound impacts how you show up in society, I have always been in a cage and this affected me so much in corporate because I could not communicate well in/during meetings, I didn't know it's as a result of the mother wound I carry, my mom is so mean to me, she is actually a bully and narcissistic, everybody loves her but the things she tells me😢, In all honesty I don't have a single good memory of her showing love to me. I started my own business but she has constantly broken me down, sometimes when I need financial support she is to vile to me. I was evicted from my house but before that I requested her to pay the rent for me, she just buried her head in the sand for 2 months, I've been squatting at my sister's place and this also brings the dynamic of how hard it can be when your mom is mean to you but good to your sisters, my sisters actually told me I am the problematic child. Everytime she holds meetings that somehow turn into an attack towards me, my sisters and her sit and throw hurtful words at me and when I speak she shuts me down and my points are never heard. I really hate that I get to have this thorn in my flesh and I can't wait to have a life independent of her. This has really ruined my relationship with my sisters who I love so much but now we have drifted because I am painted as problematic and the one always stressing mom. I'm so glad we are having this conversations, one day I will talk about how a mother wound affects your corporate life.

My mother wound comes from my mom passing away when I was 3 years old. I remember feeling abandoned by her..I suffered in the hands of stepmothers and longed for my mother and she wasn't there.😢😢😢😢

The quote at the end, that Murugi mentioned, does indeed hold true. Makes sense. The *parent that was all about paying bills, as an adult you tend to sort them with "sending them money". Then there is the parent who you want to see, be around every chance you get, and that is the parent that was around more. Great episode as always.

This episode has opened up doors that I never knew existed.

I've really had tough relationship with my mom she believes that the way to success is through education and not being able to reach that level she wants me to has made me go through emotional torture ...every tiny mistake makes her say all kinds of names even to the point where she says she will curse me ... I really feel depressed and pray that i will heal and forgive her one day.

Lydia’s mum was definitely not the only 1. My mum left. I have 3friends whose mums also left

I thought it was bad to even think of the bad things our moms have done to us , slowly we healing.

Great eye-openers and lessons for those of us who are mothers! We can always be better and do better to bring up a stable generation.

I think the worst kind of mother wound is a "broken"mom who uses the Bible, especially for manipulation 😢. I was counseling a lady(46 years) who went through mother wound ie the constant comparison to other ladies in the village, she was abused by her mothers uncles and the mom pinned that on her, the constant you're not beautiful and noone will want you etc. As she grew older, she couldn't express herself because she didn't have a safe space. She would never dress like a (lady) and so many other things. Come to marriage, she married the 1st man who told her she's beautiful, which ended after 3 years, especially because of hyperindependence[trauma response]. The lady gave birth to a girl who she raised the same way the mother did. She had to be separated from her for like 6yrs as she fell into depression. She acknowledged she wronged her daughter and paid for her therapy sessions. Right now, they're still navigating their relationship. She cut off her mother as they couldn't have a healthy relationship. yes, mother wound exists, and it affects all other relationships around you.

This episode has put so much of how I am into perspective. Thank you ladies for always being so informative.!

Of course you have Zim followers we are always here 😅😅🇿🇼🇿🇼

Hèeeeeh! This topic really hit home. Supper triggering, aki si I have cried!!! Thanks a lot TMI.

we are locked and you ladies look absolutely incredible😍😍

Can we kindly have a part 2 of mother wounds? I feel like most of us still have more to share and listen about our mothers,,,then we can also have more issues on our abusive moms discussed

My mum is a good woman... but boy has she done a number on us. As a teenager if I refused to wash dishes she would say I am proud because I passed KCPE. That pride comes before a fall. I am an ambitious person but I fear tapping into my potential because I was punished &shamed for my achievements so much. Every mistake I made was associated with my passing exams.

Love this episode, lots of helpful information as a mum to daughter I have learned a lot. One thing though as your top fan who is battling cancer at a young age am abit disappointed to hear a comment about cancer here. We are trying to lean on a positive side and finding hope, your show has provided comfort and distraction from the pressure of the diagnosis but that comment 😞. Saying this from a point of love.

Mine I don't know if it's a mummy wound but I always feel really let down by my late mum. She was diagnosed with HIV when I was around 8 years old and she died in 2010 when I was in form two. I didn't grow up with siblings because i had two and they also died with AIDS while still really young. My dad died in 2003 too. So being alone and now having to move in with the extended family was such a tough thing emotionally. Because I barely knew them too well. My mum refused to take her ARVs and she ended up becoming too sick until she died and I always felt she would have pressed on for me, I was in the age where a girl needs her mom. Yet she gave up on herself. I suffered through so much emotionally over the years.

The biggest pain my mother gave me was abandoning me for whatever reason. I’ve come to terms with forgiveness and accepting the past. I hope she’s doing well, I love you!❤❤❤❤

Murugi looks so fly. The hair and the dress 🔥

This episode is one for tears for me...but it is eye opening and healing as well... thank you ladies for the gems shared in this episode❤️❤️

The caption is already a trigger 🥺leo its tears 😢

This.....this is a conversation i didn't know i needed and all this while i thought it's a "me" problem ...i thank God

I don't know how I landed on tmi last month on KZfaq but my mum and sisters are so addicted. What makes this show great is how Lydia and Jo just don't feel like they are putting up a pod cast lights out go your way but how sweetly they feel for each other,their connection,I need such a friend,you just flow and most of all your always looking good.Jo is soooooo beautiful.Guysss stoppppp I can't get off TMI,I hardly sleep. Never seen such a great connection.Do a podcast of how to handle a Lydia and Jo addiction hahaha

❤😊 What an emotional session. Thanks, Murugi and Lyd for this episode.

My mum has her days but General speaking she's a good mother. For her, I feel like things she's said are out of ignorance or because she thinks its okay since they grew up in such environment bila kuuliza maswali. But my sisters and I have learnt to call her out if she says hurtful things. Good thing she gets defensive but eventually turns around. Another thing is my mum likes kutambuliwa. Some of her choices led her and dad to be in debt. We paid those debts when we started working. Just from that I fear debt yaani. But now sometimes even now she has this lifestyle she expects you to help her keep up.

I heard the opening and I went through the same things. I was called a prostitute at 16, told I’d get infected too. Shamed, humiliated, neglected and I feel like I parented myself most of my teenage life till this point. Things are always swept under the rag and that’s how it has been. Maybe that’s where I get my fear of getting kids.

Khaiii!!! You are awesomest!! (If there’s anything like this 🤭) Woiyeee Poleni to those dealing with the pain. Poleni sana. How we pray and hope to be better mothers please to the next generation.🙏

Wueh!!! Mother wounds😭💔. It's Wednesday, it's Definitely TMI, the Consistency Queens❤️💃🏾. Shika maua💐💐.

My mother would stems from my mother staying in a abusive marriage until now. (same as Murugi's Mum) breathing through the episode 🥺intense but thank you for this episode.

Another Zim subscriber over here 🥰🥰

TMI o'clock... Yaas. Queens keep inspiring us

Father wounds are difficult but your dad is just some guy; mother wounds will change your brain chemistry

Aaaw lyyyd so pretty..the sleek on hair👄😘🤗🤗

I don’t remember the last time I ate food cooked by her which is soo sad Even when I travel to the village I go and cook for us!! You don’t want to see how hospitable she is with other people.. I dread going home

At this stage I need Maisha Magic in my world. You guys always talk about such interesting shows on there❤

Both ladies look gorgeous and great advice😍

Thankyou ladies ❤

Manze thanks alot for this episode Looking forward for another episode about the pain our fathers caused us 😢

So timely 😮‍💨😮‍💨

When a mum says unprintable things about their child,every body thinks it's justifiable and true.This leads to the child feeling hurt and isolated.

The video quality is giiiiiiiiivviiiiiiiinnggggggggg 🔥🔥🔥🔥

My day just got better. Hello fellow inbetweeners. This is going to be a tears inducing episode, but we cry and learn.

Love it!! Shanga is a necklace made of beads I guess 😂😂😂

This episode has triggered me a lot that I have cried.

You ladies look stunning ❤❤❤

'i can breathe through the discomfort so that you can heal' mmmh how powerful🩵

A lot of this hits close to home.

You guys look so cuuute💯😌

The hair wow... beautiful gals

Today's topic got me crying. I see myself

Murugi the dress 👗 is cute,plug wako

Would love to see a podcast the other side , my mum my hero.My dad my other hero ❤coz mine was and always will be.

Thanks be to God for TMI❤

At almost 24, I had a child, had to be sutured, down there. I opted not to for I was traumatized through out the pregnancy and child birth. My not being sutured got to be known by many people, aunties, sisters and strangers. It's for sometime been used as abuse to me. At 40, I'm expecting my 2nd child. I'll have a nurse hired to be by my side. No relative. That way what ever happens to me, down there is really left down there.

Loved the episode, very heavy but insightful. I can't find the link to purchase the mother wound webinar, where can i find it?

Wanna be a better mom yoh😢😢😢

I like the awareness this platform brings. My mother wounds is in two folds. First, my bio mum died when i was 14yrs. We are two siblings and my brother was her favourite. We were not close until on her dying bed which was a week to her death. I loved her so much and still do. There is a shame i used to carry because as a child we were not close and I thought it was my fault. Thanks to therapy i know that I was just a child. Secondly, my step mother when she cane to our lives few months after my mum's passing, I over compensated. Few years down the line she became very manipulative and narcissistic. On the outside people know her as good but in the nuclear family we see her for who she is. The most painful part is to see my dad going through the emotional abuse and doesnt want to leave her. We rarely talk with my step mum and I lost all love the teen me had. I miss having mummy-daughter conversations but i think i will have them with my daughters, inshallah.

If people could live twice, i could come back to my mother😊Am sorry to anyone who has been wounded by their mum😢 May God bless mine may she live long enough for me to pay back all she has and still doing for me