Two clinicians saying he was dangerous after their first session… that’s a 🚩
@sharosmith2 жыл бұрын
Seriously
@onewheelatatime29052 жыл бұрын
Yes, red flags that come with their own marching bands and fireworks!
@dianeolson84492 жыл бұрын
@@onewheelatatime2905 absolutely!
@logicalblackman82282 жыл бұрын
That’s not a red flag; that’s a wrap! I’m gone after the first letter.
@garmtpug2 жыл бұрын
Yes! He probably attacked the clinician or tried to strangle them! I really can't imagine anything except overt violence that would cause a clinician to write a letter(s).
@cheridehart77712 жыл бұрын
One person can't change anyone, even with love, you can't cure someone with love. A person changes only if they choose to and wants to.
@eadweard.2 жыл бұрын
Very very true.
@verybarebones2 жыл бұрын
@@ClickClack_Bam those people wanted to change though. They needed the support, absolutely, but they were always willing to change. They just needed the opportunity.
@twocents74952 жыл бұрын
Even then, doubtful
@bringoujelqings40782 жыл бұрын
Can they change if they choose to and want to even
@maureeningleston15012 жыл бұрын
The cat incident alone would've had me running for the hills, never looking back!!!!
@murphychurch82512 жыл бұрын
Definitely! My sister did that...her p.o.s. of a boyfriend hit her cat with a showerhead, so she packed her things, took the cat and left. This story reminded me of it.
@UnassimilatedRG2 жыл бұрын
I was thinking the exact same thing!!
@xminusone12 жыл бұрын
For some people it's not easy. One of my friends live with a guy like that. Me and her family, the local police, had warned her. He abused her many time: verbally and physically, slashed her tires because he was upsed etc. We have offer her all kind of support we can, and the authority, offered her therapy, and even with that level of abuse, ( he even film her without her consent and send the video to her family) and more than a year after all that, she still engaged to him because he manipulate her by love bombing. He's a dangerous psychopath, with a long record of abuse the police told her. We can't do anything more. Just wish she lighten up before it's too late.
@maureeningleston15012 жыл бұрын
@@xminusone1 You're right ..it's not always as easy as seeing the red flags and getting away or even being warned by many people of the dangers.These relationships are always very complex, I hope your friend eventually gets out of that relationship. As the old saying goes "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink".
@Somegirl8112 жыл бұрын
Yep!
@Nan-Elle2 жыл бұрын
After he tried strangling her, he apologized. Robert: "I'm so sorry, I thought you were a cat."
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
🐈🐱🕵
@sheilagravely56212 жыл бұрын
This was really,,SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY,, I can't believe she stayed with that guy!
@kathyclark82742 жыл бұрын
Hilarious! I can appreciate gallows humour despite the fact I'm an ailurophile. If someone mistreated one of my furbabies it would not be so funny.
@KMWeir2 жыл бұрын
🤣🤣🤣
@Nan-Elle2 жыл бұрын
My yardstick: If a person doesn't like my cat...I know there's something wrong with them.
@logicalblackman82282 жыл бұрын
And that’s why you remain single😛
@DottieMinerva2 жыл бұрын
@@logicalblackman8228 found the incel
@ms-jl6dl2 жыл бұрын
If a person doesn't like my snake...I know there's something wrong with them.
@MsSilverTulip2 жыл бұрын
Or they happen to be a dog person. It doesn't mean there is something "wrong with them" if they don't like cats/snakes etc. But actually harming those animals is a different story and definitely a red flag.
@BobGymlan2 жыл бұрын
@CRAM MARC what if they have an allergy allergy?
@Sarahr989982 жыл бұрын
The second that the words “rules” or “obey” were introduced into the relationship, I’d be out. Hell no.
@Adara0072 жыл бұрын
Thank you for covering this case, Dr. Grande. This is an interesting if tragic case especially considering the waver of clinician-client privilege. Gail's sister Alayne has established a safe house for victims of domestic violence in the name of her sister called Gail's House and hopefully this will help women who are in situations like that of Gail.
@Mama_Bear5242 жыл бұрын
Aw I love her sister for doing that. It is so sad.
@ms.mojo_risin2 жыл бұрын
💜Gail’s House💜 Alayne is providing a much needed place for safety. Awesomeness ☮️&💟 Peace&Respect, Shelley Anne
@natekeyes22972 жыл бұрын
A safe house is only helpful if a woman recognizes she is in danger, and WANTS to be safe. This woman clearly did not.
@derekrushton17052 жыл бұрын
075
@duskripper66502 жыл бұрын
@@natekeyes2297 I unfortunately have to agree. She was given so many warnings but you can't help her if she doesn't want to help herself.
@thelocalmaladroit88732 жыл бұрын
I read once “people don’t change, they only become more of what they already are”. Women, especially think their partner will change despite all the red flags. Self deception can be deadly! Appreciate you Doc, thanks.
@martyal2 жыл бұрын
I’ve read that men marry believing that she will never change while women marry believing that she can change him.
@Miacorr2 жыл бұрын
.....or, like the leopard, they move their spots to a more hidden place
@mini_skinny02962 жыл бұрын
One of my favourite quotes, I think of it from time to time.
@binkao29382 жыл бұрын
It takes a long time to get into anything in therapy in my experience. I can’t imagine what he must’ve been like for them to be able to tell he was dangerous from a single session. Also don’t know if it’s more naive or arrogant to think you can change someone like that. Countless people have already paid the price for that type of mentality.
@Mama_Bear5242 жыл бұрын
@F. Aduke Femi-Babalola yikes! I wanted to become a psychologist so bad but once I found out the years of schooling with no doubt a crap ton of work I bowed out. I admire you for following through. Congrats! And best wishes to you.
@blaidencortel2 жыл бұрын
I’ve become quite frustrated with my therapy and I’ve been at it for awhile. Please expand on “…takes a long time to get into anything in therapy…”
@jturtle5318 Жыл бұрын
The combination of the love bombing and the "you're a perfect princess and you've changed my life", which is appealing to insecure people. Add in the factor of being comfortable around mentally ill people and interacting with them without stigmatizing them, and it's a recipe for disaster.
@brianf11322 жыл бұрын
I choked up on my coffee with "moving on up." Keep it coming, Doc.
@user-dn1pj3db2k2 жыл бұрын
Me too very clever ! Funny
@KevinStClair-ln5ir2 жыл бұрын
We finally got a piece of the pie!
@momv2pa2 жыл бұрын
You know you are dispensing free therapy with your videos, right? Excellent-thank you, Dr. Grande!
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Yes! We all learn a lot (while being entertained)!
@crystalkohlbrenner2142 жыл бұрын
I take it as dating advice lol.
@WoodlandT2 жыл бұрын
I’d love to hear more about the types of observations a clinician might make in order to so quickly determine that a client is dangerous. It’s difficult for me to imagine how little self awareness a person must have to be so transparent
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
The total lack of self awareness and utter disregard for the cultural norms -actually verbalizing hate and rage and possibly even murderous intent! Hint and 1/2!
@jturtle5318 Жыл бұрын
In my experience doing psych evaluation in emergency departments, they were usually intoxicated or psychotic. In the course of assessing a checklist of features that I needed to address I would just let them ramble, and that stream of consciousness was when they divulged things that people were usually guarded about. I did include whether they were intoxicated or high, but that didn't stop me from making notification. The notion that people shouldn't be held accountable for threats they make when they're using drugs or alcohol fails to take into account the problem that they can easily get drunk or high again and be back in the same state as when they divulged these threats to a stranger.
@lynncaldwell83456 ай бұрын
A proposal spree.Gorgeous.
@MsSilverTulip2 жыл бұрын
This is such a sad case. There were so many red flags but Gail was probably trauma bonded to him, codependent and and perhaps repeating childhood patterns. Dr Grande, can you please comment on DV in general and how family and friends can intervene when the victim won't leave? And aren't psychologists mandated to report serious crimes, such as choking one's wife? Choking is a good predictor of murder in a DV relationship. Had the crime been reported, perhaps this could have been prevented.
@christopherjohnson42762 жыл бұрын
Hardest working analyst on youtube. Thanks Dr. Grande!
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
And prolific!
@messrsandersonco59852 жыл бұрын
When Dr. Grande says a guy is "creepy", women everywhere should be worried! 😂😂
@roberth.59382 жыл бұрын
Some people say that even Ted Bundy was afraid and creeped out being alone in the same room with that guy
@louniece16502 жыл бұрын
@@roberth.5938 Damn!!!😲😳
@deecee9012 жыл бұрын
Truth
@farnazrostami53022 жыл бұрын
“ ... and once in a while love.” Dr. Grand’s sarcasm is beyond words 😁. Thanks doctor. Your life lessons are life changing 💙.
@svalentina30752 жыл бұрын
"My love will cure him" and "I have a PhD in psychology, I should know whether or not he's violent and dangerous, no matter what all these other psychologists tell me". PhD or not, her death proves her incompetence.
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Big price to pay for misunderstanding!
@kathyclark82742 жыл бұрын
It either proved her incompetence or her arrogance, naivete notwithstanding.
@MsSilverTulip2 жыл бұрын
Wow, the victim shaming
@NextToToddliness2 жыл бұрын
Abusing the vulnerable like animals, children, elders, customer service employees, etc. should always be red flags for anyone. You can't change people; they have to do that for themselves. Also, psychopathy is rarely conducive with any healthy relationship. Lastly, the Dunning-Kruger Effect can kill you; never overestimate your abilities & intelligence. Especially when literally everyone is telling you to bail.
@l.w.paradis21082 жыл бұрын
So perceptive!
@MsSilverTulip2 жыл бұрын
Not perceptive. This was not a case of Dunning Kruger. Dunning Kruger is about being so lacking in skill in a certain area that the person is unaware how unskilled they are and they overestimate their competence (too dumb to recognise how dumb they are). Gail did not lack intelligence and she did not lack skills in the area of psychology or reading people, therefore she was not overestimating her competence. Rather, her preceptions were clouded by her feelings and possibly some attachment issues or childhood trauma that lead her to repeat the pattern and try to change it this time around (eg. Subconscious process: 'this is familiar to me so I'll stay in this situation. Mum couldn't fix dad but I can change my husband and that will help me heal'). It is evident she was emotionally vulnerable given her history of depression and a suicide attempt.
@NextToToddliness2 жыл бұрын
@@MsSilverTulip She clearly didn't have the skill and it was obvious she'd overestimated her abilities as both a human and alleged clinician. She was told many times she was wrong, but went ahead because she thought she knew better. That's Dunning-Kruger. She clearly lacked those skills, as well as the self-appraisal necessary to see that she did not have them. She couldn't outsmart this person's disorders, and because of it, she hung around a clearly dangerous individual. Those who did have the skills & abilities made it clear she was very wrong. Sorry Huey Lewis, the "power of love" doesn't trump common sense, especially went it's literally beating you on the head.
@emilyhollis42312 жыл бұрын
Dr. Stone was a hero, in my opinion. Although Gail didn't heed his warning, he tried. I work closely with physicians every day and have been there when decisions like this must be made. One of the many reasons physicians are, in a lot of cases, underestimated.
@rejaneoliveira50192 жыл бұрын
Primitive is the perfect word to describe love bombing. I would also add that it is shallow, lazy, unintelligent, and insidious. I have been love bombed before and my goodness, what an awful experience. I feel so bad for this woman, she seemed intelligent and sensitive, yet she wasn’t able to escape this treacherous man. Really sad. Alright, now back to watching your podcast, I am almost done.😉 Thank you for the another brilliant analysis Dr. Grande.❤️
@xminusone12 жыл бұрын
I don't think this have to do with intelligence in general but with emotional intelligence, the capacity to put theirs feeling aside and not denying the reds flags. Also, to be strong enough to leave. I know someone who is very intelligent and yet, she still engaged in an abusive relationship, even if she know to well that he's a narcissist and an abuser. Tire slashed because he was upset, pushing her, pulled her by her hair and the police removed him 3 times from her apartment because he threatened her. And she's a doctor. ( not psychologist ) she's indeed a very intelligent person, but easy to manipulate. She tried to leave him many but each time she ended up with him after two weeks. Me and her family had tried all we can do but now it's on her. I wish she'll lighten up before it's to late.
@rejaneoliveira50192 жыл бұрын
@@xminusone1 You are right, emotional intelligence is the right word. Good point.
@rejaneoliveira50192 жыл бұрын
@Mjira Achieng How awesome was that?😉 But he was Superman…
@rejaneoliveira50192 жыл бұрын
@@cht2162 Agreed.🎯
@rebbel672 жыл бұрын
I wonder, what does one have to do, in order to get two clinicians to label you as dangerous (one clinician after one session)??
@loisherzog88032 жыл бұрын
And what does one have to do to convince aPhd student in psychology to run for her life. One more instance of so many smart women’s willingness to sacrifice for “love”.
@elisabethrankin77022 жыл бұрын
@@loisherzog8803 Not love, remember she’s sleeping around so she obviously didn’t want to be married. She seems be the epitome of „play stupid games, win stupid prizes“. She was soooo smart, she knew more than two experts. Nah, there are real victims of domestic abuse and she wasn’t one of them. One of the few victims I’ve heard of that I have less than zero sympathy for. She didn’t even give an eff about her cat. Complete narcissist.
@logicalblackman82282 жыл бұрын
@@elisabethrankin7702 according to Dr. grande‘s report, there was credible evidence that she had been abused in the relationship. She had physical injuries and several of her friends made these allegations as well. I can only wonder about your mental health if you think she deserved to die.
@blaidencortel2 жыл бұрын
@@logicalblackman8228 She did not say the victim deserved death. Only she had no sympathy. There is a difference. I admit, it’s difficult to feel sympathy for someone REPEATEDLY warned yet scoffing at the danger. I do feel bad for her family and friends. it must’ve been agony for them to watch her ignore the warning signs over and over again.
@logicalblackman82282 жыл бұрын
@@blaidencortel She said “ Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.“ That is saying someone deserved whatever happened to them. But if you still disagree, please feel free to explain the difference between having “zero sympathy“ for someone and thinking that they deserved whatever happened to them.
@helpyourcattodrive2 жыл бұрын
As a DV survivor, I feel like I’m in a therapy appointment now. Thank you, Dr. Grande
@myozbubble2 жыл бұрын
Sounds like as long as he was in total control, which he would be flying a plane or being the head surgeon in the operating room, he was stable. But, put in the mix of other people and he has no control over others at all. I wonder what his childhood was like.
@dianagabriela32872 жыл бұрын
Yes, I wonder that as well.
@helpyourcattodrive2 жыл бұрын
I remember I was working outside in an area where I guess there were a few men’s recovery houses, men who had just gotten out of prison, sex offenders, etc., and I didn’t know about the houses. There would have been no reason for me to know about that. But a guy came up to me and he said, listen, you need to leave. And then he told me about the houses. He continued and said, I can tell you don’t believe me and you don’t want to listen, but you need to listen to me. And I thought about it and then I packed up and left. I feel good about that warning and my response.
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Thank goodness your cat can drive away from harm!
@glendasully2 жыл бұрын
Dr. Grande can you answer this question, "Does a spouse EVER actually change for the better"? I've witnessed bad marriages time & again (2 bad ones I was in) with the wife thinking the husband would change. That never happened
@lnc-to4ku2 жыл бұрын
Your warnings and overall advice with this case was so brilliant, Dr. Grande!! Very sadly, my sister is one of those who believe "I can fix him." The fact that 2 mental health therapist found him so alarming that they actually tried to prevent harm at a great risk to themselves- said so much about how their trained instincts knew he was a terrible danger! Your content is so incredible, and important!!
@muffinstuffin33032 жыл бұрын
Excellent video as always! Off topic but we dig the brushed indigo blue shirt & yesterday’s safety yellow. (Yes, we’re in the camp who tunes in to see the daily shirt too!) 🧐🤣
@Nan-Elle2 жыл бұрын
The bubble above Dr. Grande's head: After all of my physical struggles, along with my intense study to make a difference in this world -- My followers are focused on my shirts and my cacti...
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Oh! He doesn't mind! He knows that these things are effective hooks and HE IS RIGHT!
@kayzbluegenes2 жыл бұрын
Yup... content/jokes/shirts/decor... I'm here for it all! 😏
@gloriaelmore90922 жыл бұрын
As a nurse; Dr. Grande, I suspect the nurses in the OR experienced his anger. I have worked with many. Have a great weekend.! Thanks for the video!
@gazepskotzs42 жыл бұрын
Strangeling my cat?......Relationship?..... WTH! This person could be VEEERY happy to be able to even breath after touching my pets the wrong way. On a lighter note, DOC Grande is always able to give horrifying cases the right amount of irony and humor. Love this somewhat harsh humor, it is this kind of ironic fun i grew up with. My friends and my brother too often talked about how to tone it down because we sometimes happened to come across situations that were not suited for this kind of fun. After my teenage years i learned when this is/and in what form it is appropriet or not, lol!, But the Doc has a real talent for the right level of irony and for using it at the right moment. Keep them coming DOC!!
@michelefizer27742 жыл бұрын
Have a great weekend, Dr. Grande!
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
🎃🎣🚴🏈🤹🎳🏸
@thereal41132 жыл бұрын
I think the red flag was the poor cat 😾. When your significant other tries to drown the cat and you go ahead and marry the psychopath anyway. He strangles her into unconsciousness? The psychiatrist goes on record saying her life is in danger. There must have been a serious trauma bond. Thank you for another great analysis Dr. Grande 🌵🌵🌵🌵
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
GET OUT!
@blaidencortel2 жыл бұрын
“Trauma bond.” I never heard of that term but I can see the truth in it. Thanks!
@SpbElena2 жыл бұрын
How can you stay with someone who tried to drown your cat??? He's clearly a psychopath!
@murphychurch82512 жыл бұрын
He's clearly a narcissist. My sister once lived with a boyfriend who was of that controlling self-absorbed type who also had tempers. He once hit her cat with a showerhead in a rage, and that was when she finally left him. You bet, if our family had seen any sign of him being physically violent towards my sister, we all would have got together to beat him into tiny little pieces.
@SpbElena2 жыл бұрын
@@murphychurch8251 if only Gale was as level-headed as your sister( Dr. Grande wouldn't have to make this video
@patriciabuuck52772 жыл бұрын
How can you stay with anyone who would choke you into unconsciousness!!! She should have out with her cat
@logicalblackman82282 жыл бұрын
And also a failure! How hard can it be to be to drown a cat?
@suzimonkey3452 жыл бұрын
@@logicalblackman8228 Have you ever tried to bath a cat? 😈
@mferrariish2 жыл бұрын
I just gotta say, I don’t know what the data says but working with surgeons in the OR.. most of them do not seem to regulate their emotions. They are often yelling at the staff and seem angry
@murphychurch82512 жыл бұрын
I guess it's a profession with a high rate of narcissists?
@mferrariish2 жыл бұрын
@@murphychurch8251 in my non professional opinion, I’d say probably yes lol
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
But we are very thankful someone is willing to do it!👩⚕👩🔬👳
@mferrariish2 жыл бұрын
@@bthomson haha of course!! No one is perfect and they are amazing without a doubt
@kathyclark82742 жыл бұрын
Their reputation precedes them. Surgeons are well known for their tremendous ego and flashpoint tempers. It is not unusual for them to throw instruments during a procedure and/or curse at and berate others working w/ them if they make mistakes, insisting they scrub out and leave the OR immed. Robert prob fit right into that milieu.
@morganmcdonald79912 жыл бұрын
Marvellous, interesting story and a great level of detail as always.
@darklausal232 жыл бұрын
The relationship would be over if they even attemp to hurt my cat 😡
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Serious marker.
@xminusone12 жыл бұрын
You should do the case of Dr Turcotte, who was a cardiologist surgon in Canada, he killed his two young kids to punish his ex wife( theirs mother) because he was jealous that she dates other mens AFTER their separation. And why they deem him unfit to prison and send him to a psychiatric hospital who he was relased after 3 years and now he lives completely free under an other name. Edit: English is not my language.
@mpartisanmarket65532 жыл бұрын
Life in prison for Guy Turcotte with no possibility of parole before 17 years, that was the verdict back in 2015.
@jturtle5318 Жыл бұрын
Your English is fine, I wouldn't have known.
@tomgcooktown50192 жыл бұрын
If you struck my cat only once, never mind strangling it, I would be on the phone to the police, the cat & I would leave, nothing would get me into any room alone with you ever again. Absolutely common sense, never mind her 'almost' Psychology Degree'. TgT
@esteemedmortal59172 жыл бұрын
Man, when Dr. Stone, the creator of the Scale of Evil, is warning you your husband is dangerous, that puts several exclamation points on his statement!
@jodyglover74292 жыл бұрын
I would love to hear your analysis of the horrific case that was Joel Steinberg. I try to stay updated on most every case you present and I enjoy hearing your input. Thank you Dr. Grande.
@anonymousadult2 жыл бұрын
Yes, please!!
@joeangell56522 жыл бұрын
Yes! Great work Dr Grande!
@lindsayantwine10972 жыл бұрын
Is there any chance we might get Dr. Grande in a Halloween costume?? I can't be the only one who would enjoy this. 🎃😁
@eadweard.2 жыл бұрын
Maybe he'll do a Psychiatrick or Treat.
@erikparent81762 жыл бұрын
🎃The Dr. doesn't have the chutzpah!🤔 Reverse psychology? 🤙😜😋
@erikparent81762 жыл бұрын
@@eadweard. Funny EB! 😁🤡
@Nan-Elle2 жыл бұрын
Well, I wonder what kind of costume he would choose? I'm just speculating here; but I don't think he'd dress as a clown, as there are so many psycho, murderous clowns in movies.
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
👻👽👾🤖
@ellastewart57472 жыл бұрын
Dr Grande thanks for keeping me company during my lunchtime and doing such amazing work. you’re phenomenal
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
🍎🍕🌭🌮🍜🍝🍱😋
@ms-jl6dl2 жыл бұрын
No he isn't "phenomenal".Stop idolizing,it makes us puke. Regards, The Men
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Question: If someone reacts so strongly to someone else getting a compliment are they 1. Jealous 2. Weird 3. Defensive. 4. Sarcastic or 5. Just in a bad mood?
@ellastewart57472 жыл бұрын
@@bthomson maybe a bot or something? seems unreal to me haha
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Both my grandmother and my aunt on my dad's side were Ellas!
@TheRealBamboonga2 жыл бұрын
1:35 - "...for example, Robert would fly into a rage from time to time..." Well...I mean c'mon doc...he's a pilot. He has to get enough flight hours to maintain his pilot's license. Flying into rages helps him meet those ends...
@mpartisanmarket65532 жыл бұрын
Haha!!
@polarbearsrus69802 жыл бұрын
Moral of story, don't marry a man who tries to kill your cat and chokes you out!!! Second moral of story, do not assume just because you "almost" have a degree in psychology you should be diagnosing your own situation... not a good idea. Wow, they were so messed up it's almost like they were made for each other. Thanks for sharing.
@ScumfuckMcDoucheface2 жыл бұрын
I was thinking the same, that they were 'made for eachother' haha the day someone hurts my cat, is the day I go to jail. =|
@messrsandersonco59852 жыл бұрын
I think demanding that your husband seek therapy after trying to kill you indicates delusion!
@clqudy47502 жыл бұрын
Love ur user name Lol
@polarbearsrus69802 жыл бұрын
@@clqudy4750 Thanks!
@helpyourcattodrive2 жыл бұрын
One of the dv experiences I remember is one time we were driving through the border into ca from Mexico and I gave money to the little kids begging outside the vehicle. He was mad at me for that and was driving erratically after we came through the border, and I smacked him, too, on the arm, and much later he said it hurt when I hit him. He never literally physically hit me. I did hit him that one time, as I remember. And during other incidents when he would harass me, verbally harassing, harassing, bothering me and get in my face and try to stop me from studying, and probably call me names, but I just remember harassment, harassment, harassment, in my face. I would call the police. And I was living with him in his place. And I didn’t really have anywhere else to go. So I had to figure it out. It was hard. I was young. He was much older. He knew I was vulnerable. Oh yes, and when I was leaving his place, trying to leave him, he would get on his knees and beg me to stay with a glass of Martinelli’s sparkling grape juice because I was already in aa and didn’t drink. As I got older with much more experience and CBT, I got better at everything along these lines. I guess he felt inadequate and powerless so he had to find somebody vulnerable to overpower and act out his insanity against. These men need help. I think their brains are disordered literally. It’s no joke. Anyway, now I’m self-declared single for life and loving it.
@invisiblemissx2 жыл бұрын
Can't believe I missed this when it first released. Glad I caught it in my recommendations. Self-deception is a hell of a drug. The only positive in this story is that Gail's murder didn't remain unpunished after all those years. Someone was still fighting to see justice done for her. Another tragic but educational case. Thanks for covering it.
@anthonydivon55712 жыл бұрын
Movin on up to east side we finally got a piece of the pie
@bonstermonster78nonstop192 жыл бұрын
Right
@amycarroll27522 жыл бұрын
This case hits close to home as someone who was in an abusive relationship. We are always the last to know, everyone else notices first
@Mt-kd8gl2 жыл бұрын
Dear Dr Grande, could you please analyze the personality traits in Tara Westover's life? She wrote the book 'Educated' about growing up in a survivalist Mormon family in Idaho....there's a lot of interesting stuff though INCLUDING her choice to wrote the book - which her family didn't approve of.
@GenXfrom752 жыл бұрын
These are tough. It's all very tragic and shouldn't have happened. I've known several women who, despite seeing evidence to the contrary, still hang on to hope that love can *fix* a broken partner. I've watched them return time and time again, as "nurturers," and "caregivers," never letting go. And not once has their story had a happy ending. While I *DO* believe people can evolve, grow and get rid of bad habits, a person's *character* doesn't change. Love will never make a bad man good.
@josephinedavis53692 жыл бұрын
Can you look at the mental health and personality factors of Henry viii please? Did he ever love Anne Boleyn? Could his head injury explain some of his behavior? How could he execute people who he claimed to love? Love your videos!
@Strype132 жыл бұрын
Wow. What a tragic, albeit incredibly intriguing case. Imagine being in a relationship so toxic that you feel the only potential remedy involves demanding your partner seek therapy, only to receive a letter from the therapist suggesting that your safety & well-being are contingent upon you ending the relationship you were hoping to fix. Yikes. I suppose the moral of the story is: if a therapist ever advises that you are in danger, it would be in your best interest to heed such advice (as opposed to relying on the fact that you "almost obtained a PhD in psychology"). Another superb presentation, Doc. Your concise breakdowns are always greatly appreciated. I think I'm speaking for everybody when I say we'll be looking forward to the next one!
@donalynette2 жыл бұрын
I really appreciate your calm rational approach to distressing cases.
@cottontails90032 жыл бұрын
Good Morning Dr Grande. Great analysis. It seems to me, she ignored all the warning signs of his behavior. You're right a Doctor is legally unable to treat his relatives. Thank you Dr Grande .Great topic .
@desertdragon23972 жыл бұрын
If a person consistently shows you who they are, believe them. Random acts of violence inflicted by a stranger, is no less painful or deadly than from someone you know. Be safe out there 🙏 in crazyland 🥴
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Yes! But you have to have a good sense of self-worth first and many don't!
@desertdragon23972 жыл бұрын
@@bthomson Truth. It's somewhat comforting to know there are sensible people like you still around. Thank you.
@willknowsright96152 жыл бұрын
"After he strangled her, he apologized" . What a guy.
@davidmenke75522 жыл бұрын
Thanks doc for this. Learned about this case my first semester in social work school!
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Many important lessons but also warnings!
@ELECTECHNUT2 жыл бұрын
Almost being a psychologist, is probably not as good as actually being one... And that's still not a guarantee! If psychologists were perfect mind readers they'd be gods. Thank you Dr.Grande for this deep dive into the equally messed up lives and minds of fairly intelligent and privileged people.
@logicalblackman82282 жыл бұрын
I don’t think it has anything to do with that actually. For anyone able to think objectively, regardless of their professional qualifications, it should’ve been obvious that she was in a great deal of danger.
@spit_milk2 жыл бұрын
In your profile picture, it looks like you're wearing "scary shiny glasses". Classic anime glasses glare.
@Ooo09902 жыл бұрын
Anyone can become a psychologist
@annal73642 жыл бұрын
Well I guess, don't fall for the plane rides 'cause in the wrong hands, you might fall out of one (not trying to be funny). Thanks for your efforts to protect women from men like this, Dr. G. You're a good guy (and looking handsome too)! Have a great night, and I'll see ya tomorrow! 😉😘
@grumpyoldlady_rants2 жыл бұрын
This is such a sad but frustrating story. Why did she stay? My sister’s first husband had a severe mental illness. He would wake her up at night ranting about the people saying bad things about him while holding a baseball bat. He would ask if she could hear the voices. They went to couples counseling and the therapist ended up telling my sister that he was a danger to either her or himself or both of them. My sister left him and filed for divorce. The week their divorce was to be final, he started acting out was was put into a psych ward - but they left him with his bathrobe belt and he used it to hang himself.
@kathyclark82742 жыл бұрын
Sheer incompetence on the part of staff who admitted him! The pt should not have been given any belongings until all shoelaces, belts, keys, nail files, glass, sharp objects, pencils and pens, jewelry, etc. had been locked away. They could easily be sued for their negligence.
@grumpyoldlady_rants2 жыл бұрын
@@kathyclark8274 - I think his parents did sue. They weren’t very nice to my sister and blamed her for their son’s death. Later, my sister found out that his family hid from her that there had been other family members with serious mental health disorders as well as at k on east one previous suicide.
@m.f.richardson16022 жыл бұрын
Always interesting. I'm so glad you understand people and why they do what they do. Peace 💕🇺🇲
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Really! Think of how many life stories he has studied and researched! Mind boggling!
@m.f.richardson16022 жыл бұрын
@@bthomson Man, it's his job and hobby💕🇺🇲
@madalene77242 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this insightful upload. Always appreciate your time and effort. I was hoping you may look into the case of Joel Steinberg and Hedda Nussbaum. I remember reading about this case after watching an episode of Law and Order. Heartbreaking what they did to little Lisa. How could someone be so evil?
@nicolawinter87642 жыл бұрын
What can we learn from this case? Never marry somone who tried to murder your cat...
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Pretty clear to me!
@Rasputin4435562 жыл бұрын
If you didn't say "moving on up" after mentioning the Jeffersons, I would have been very disappointed.
@helpyourcattodrive2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for an interesting and meaningful analysis. I appreciate it.
@ferrisbueller99912 жыл бұрын
1:42 oh fuck no, I've put up with shit but by God... once you touch the cat you get the bat. Even if that wasn't enough to end things, I'd still never let them near my cat again ever or loved ones. They would be the ol russian doll roulette partner.
@helpyourcattodrive2 жыл бұрын
It was interesting that Grande said a person can’t diagnose themselves. I agree. It’s too bad about Gail being under the spell or desire to maintain/fix the relationship. It must have been hard to put so much into a relationship, commitment, resources, time, emotions, experiences, and then walk away. It lead to her death. I’ve been in a few dv (domestic violence) situations, verbal abuse and destructive, unsupportive mental manipulation not physical, and what I learned to do is weigh the positive and the negative and when the person did one such dv negative I determined that it outweighed ANY number of positives that the person had done. And I would walk out. This was when I was younger. And I came from a dv childhood. It was confusing because my brothers were the perpetrators against my single mother and it was verbal abuse not physical abuse. Well, they smashed up her house all the time. I guess watching my mom be verbally abused set me up to protect myself. And I didn’t know how at first, but I learned over time. And some years back I determined that I can’t be in an intimate relationship because the puzzle piece that fits, the one that was put there by childhood conditioning, means there will be chaos. So I determined I’m single for life and loving it. For example, there was this really attractive man. he was beautiful, he had gone to MIT in Massachusetts, he had a company, very nice. as it continued, he said his ex was a martial arts specialist who had punched him out, trying to get him to give her his passwords, and then he had had to call the police on her, and that his brother was an alcoholic who couldn’t hold a job, but was an executive when he did hold a job, I gave him the pamphlets for alanon. And I left.
@ms-jl6dl2 жыл бұрын
You could change with therapy. I've waited till I'm 60 to find that out.
@MsSilverTulip2 жыл бұрын
Please get some therapy to work on your issues and work towards healing. You deserve it ❤️ you deserve to be loved and I understand you are afraid of getting hurt but that doesn't mean you must remain alone forever.
@georgehasleftthebuilding66212 жыл бұрын
Oh I remember Dr Stone did a great TV series about levels of evil and this was one of the episodes! I really enjpyed his presentation, much like Dr Grande's....minus the options to be campy 😉
@BunnySlippers822 жыл бұрын
I shudder to think of what he said to his therapists that made them believe he was extremely dangerous.
@MsSilverTulip2 жыл бұрын
He either discussed having homicidal thoughts and intentions to act on them, or he was very aggressive and threatening towards the therapist, or both.
@sharosmith2 жыл бұрын
It’s so sad that his wife didn’t leave (and hide). Seems she had some narcissistic tendencies thinking she could cure him. There isn’t really a cure is there?
@musicalsunglasses2 жыл бұрын
I know this usually comes off as victim blaming but I also think she had narcissistic tendencies. Staying in an abusive relationship. Even after the letter from the doctor. Even after her cat had been purposely abused by her husband. Even after she had to file her own police report for him strangling her. Holy cow. She needed therapy herself but apparently he was the only one who needed to change behavior? Also I know it’s unpopular to talk honestly about people who are killed by their spouses but I have a feeling she liked the money, the vacations, the attention when it wasn’t violence directed to her. Like dating other people while living under the same roof, sleeping in the same bed, and not communicating. Sounds like a recipe for disaster if you think about it. How would you react if you were paying for someone to go to school for their dream career and start to think they are using you when you hit a rock bottom, which a letter from the doctor to the wife sounds like rock bottom to me. She was just as horrible as him just differently. Neither was going to walk away because in a relationship with two narcissistic people the only way to get out is if one learns to change their ways and becomes self aware, or death. These people don’t like to have hurt egos and they will do anything to prevent it. Self preservation.
@LluviadeOrugas2 жыл бұрын
My mom used to work as a housekeeper for a heart surgeon and she’d say that if a patient of his died in or right after surgery, he’d break up emotionally and not leave his office for days.
@eadweard.2 жыл бұрын
Sounds like he was heartbroken, which is a bit ironic really.
@LluviadeOrugas2 жыл бұрын
@@eadweard., it really is
@Nan-Elle2 жыл бұрын
@@LluviadeOrugas I think that shows that he was so very sincere and hoping to do well by every patient. I like him already.
@LluviadeOrugas2 жыл бұрын
@@Nan-Elle, yes, I have very fond memories of him!
@harpothehealer2 жыл бұрын
Great analysis, particularly the traits common with every day surgeon. Perhaps this cases would interesting for you to look at. Anthony McGrath, an, orthopaedic surgeon staged a break-in at his home sent to prison 8 years 2019. The case against McGrath was featured on Channel 4's 24 Hours in Police Custody, in April 2019
@renee19612 жыл бұрын
Good afternoon, Dr. Grande. Hope you're having a lovely day! Thank You!
@daveatkins35682 жыл бұрын
Drowned the cat over jealousy? Sounds like a fun guy. Im sure he’s sorely missed. Prick. Great video doc
@Vindsvelle11 ай бұрын
1:57 Woof, that wedding photo. His face is a glare of psychotic triumph; hers one of terrified resignation.
@valeriewestbrooke2813Ай бұрын
I very much enjoyed your commentary regarding this case. I remember watching a show about this couple and remember distinctly the letter Dr. Stone wrote. I got goosebumps reading it. He basically called the doctor a homicidal maniac. I was working in Berkeley during the time of the Tarasoff case; Cal lost, and it was a good thing. It never ceases to amaze me how intelligent women are so naive about human behavior and give their partners the benefit of the doubt. Thanks for a very good case analysis.
@candiceyoung82442 жыл бұрын
Appreciate the casual shirt. Thank you so much for the video 🌼🌳🌲🌵🌿
@craigtalbert82482 жыл бұрын
Hi dr grande Las Vegas Craig here I’ve been subscribed to your KZfaq channel for over a year and I have shared many of your videos however for the last month the KZfaq algorithms I have not alerted me to your videos even with the bell selected on all Anyway this video you made is outstanding for content and your expertise. I really learn from your analysis You have the best Channel for mental health issues on KZfaq bravo 👏🏻 Thank you so so much For sharing your expertise in your experiences I look forward to watching more of your videos 😊😇✌️👍☝️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 star 💫
@alimar06042 жыл бұрын
Being strangled the first time would be a major red flag maybe? Love you in RAF blue Dr G! 🇬🇧
@lindabb6212 жыл бұрын
This explains many things to continue understanding. I'm very grateful for your insight. Happy 2022!
@aliceashmeade21112 жыл бұрын
Dr Grande please can you make a video on Undercontrolled/Overcontrolled borderlines? And maybe on DBT vs RODBT for borderlines? Thank you x
@aussiejewels8 күн бұрын
Him trying to harm ANY animal would be a deal breaker for me!..I can't comprehend how she accepted that😢
@jennifercalenzo37262 жыл бұрын
I wish there were better systems in place to get people out if abusive situations. Trauma bonds are stronger than love and some say it is more addictive than heroin. It takes more than just saying "leave him." These people have almost a cult member devotion to their abuser. It is sad and can happen to anyone.
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Maybe Stockholm syndrome?
@MsSilverTulip2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely. I'm so sick of the nasty comments on this video, shaming Gail and implying she was stupid or arrogant for staying in the relationship. These people are utterly ignorant of the dynamics of abusive relationships. And notice the lack of comments shaming the actual abuser. Disgusting.
@musicalsunglasses2 жыл бұрын
What do you think better systems in place to get people out of abusive situations would be? What if the person doesn’t want the help provided? What if they have to change their living status and don’t want to? Maybe recommend them therapy? But what if they don’t think they are/have the/a problem? I personally feel from the special on 20/20 that the wife liked the lifestyle too much to leave. She didn’t want to give up her life as a student. And worked a job as a personal assistant and when that ended she didn’t seem to look for something to actually support herself. I don’t doubt that being with this man, her husband whose family supported them both, changed her in an unexpected way and she could not leave the comfort behind and chose to stay. She probably thought about leaving him considering she was “dating” other people during their marriage and time in a shared home where supposedly they slept in the same room in the same bed fully clothed. The moment she chose to use him she was in danger. Maybe at first she was in love, but towards the end I think she was just using him for money and possibly networking connections to try and get a job that wasn’t “beneath” her. Also I bet she could date a better social status of man having money from divorcing a surgeon. I’m not being judgmental, just been there. In a situation where I thought I could play someone and instead got played. I had to play nice and I’m working my way out. It’s complicated but also people are people and you can’t play with them like they are your toys. That goes for both of them. Maybe towards the end of the marriage the wife thought of the husband as her “dad”. She thought he was strict but could manipulative him to her purpose.
@musicalsunglasses2 жыл бұрын
@@MsSilverTulip I think no much else can be said about the man in this story because it’s “known” he is an asshole lol Little is known about the woman. She just is an “angel, full of life”. Isn’t everyone when described by the right people? Just because someone dies doesn’t make all the choices the person made in their life turn perfect. Critically thinking about something allows learning to come from this story. But I respect your opinion.
@tracywilliams64672 жыл бұрын
Hi Dr. Grande. Happy Halloween!
@stevemorris2702 жыл бұрын
I had a client once and after the first session I felt that this client would either suicide or file a complaint against me. I just had that feeling after spending the hour with him. It's very interesting when a clinician can get such a strong impression so quickly, such as the two therapists in Robert's case. In regards to my own case, the client did email me a suicide note at one point, but never made an attempt.
@erikparent81762 жыл бұрын
Intuition could be a factor.🙂
@puffyelvis58952 жыл бұрын
Astute observations and commentary succinctly stated, as always with deadpan humor.
@logicalblackman82282 жыл бұрын
How narcissistic can a person be to think that they could change someone?
@amberflurry95712 жыл бұрын
I better pee before the vid starts.,.Doctor Funnyman T. Grande is getting to be too much nowadays :)
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Just right!
@SugarBombBeautyxoxo2 жыл бұрын
So crazy that I listened to the 20/20 podcast about this case this morning!
@pembrokelove2 жыл бұрын
I think it would be fascinating if you covered the Tarasoff case. A lot of people, I would even wager *most people* don’t know why the duty to warn exists. It would be s good educational piece. Tatiana Tarasoff deserved better from the people around her, and the least we can do is continue to share her story and warn those who are in danger.
@bornwild39552 жыл бұрын
Good stuff Doc !
@margaretlumley16482 жыл бұрын
If anyone ever tried to harm one of my cats (or other pets) that would be the end of any contact with this person
@erikparent81762 жыл бұрын
Hit the road jack and don't you come back no more, no more, no more! 🎤🎶
@polystrophicmusic2 жыл бұрын
This is one of several cases which Dr. Grande has commented upon that make me question the whole OCEAN model. I assume there are multiple subcategories to each category in the model but still I'm skeptical. Calmness and quickness to anger are easily observable in life but should they really be grouped into one category "Neuroticism"?
@MsSilverTulip2 жыл бұрын
Exactly. Was he high in neuroticism or low? It doesn't make sense if his personality varied so dramatically between settings, to the extent that it renders a personality trait meaningless.
@Rebeker2 жыл бұрын
thank you, very valuable remarks
@Nok1122 жыл бұрын
I was in a relationship with a man like him. It was horribly abusive. Final straw was him running after me with a knife because I did something like ask him to please clean up. He was spoiled as a kid and never held accountable. That may be the case with Robert as well.
@Tindometari2 жыл бұрын
If somebody tried to drown my cat, I wouldn't need a therapist's letter to warn me. That's just about the biggest of all possible red flags. (1) Report the bastard to the cops tonight. (2) First thing tomorrow, go to the courthouse for a restraining order. (3) Take further (lawful) steps as seems right.
@budster48682 жыл бұрын
Well thought out and presented analysis Dr. Grande!
@francesbernard24452 жыл бұрын
Dr. Grande thanks for doing this case analysis which helped to point out that a person having advanced education in any helping profession is no guarantee that they are going to be a decent person or that they will be more resistant to being taken advantage of by a malignant narcissist with a terrible set of values. A reminder on how important it is for people to have a circle of close friends to give a person feedback on whom they are dating and how important it is for people to take their time when getting to know someone well enough to marry. Best to wait until marriage so that insobriety doesn't take over how we are perceiving any dating situation too.
@beeimaginative2 жыл бұрын
Intrigued and interested in this analysis. Wondering what you might have cooked up for us at 900K!
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Soon very soon!⏰🕰⌚🎉🎇🏆
@zero_bs_tolerance86462 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Doc.
@ChristinePerez9032 жыл бұрын
For someone to change they have to want to change. They want to make effort and work on the themselves. Great video Dr Grande!!