My favorite thing about this conversation is Bert is reaching into his imagination while Tom is reaching into his memory.

Bert, “I’ve never had the urge to break into someone’s house and kill someone” Tom, “yea.”

This conversation is going to sound very different being read in monotone from a court transcript.

Check Tom’s tour dates and locations against missing persons reports in those areas over the last 5 years… I’m guessing there will be a correlation

Always cool to see someone talk about something they have so much love and passion for.

“I’m not killing a 6, she might be able to take me” 😂😂😂😂

Bert casually putting a hit out on Bobby Lee.

I love that Bert thinks he's so famous people would recognize him in a ski mask

The most Tom has ever talked on this podcast has come from talking about how he’d kill someone

My favorite part is when Tom said he's fantasized about killing someone, then Bert said, "let's walk through it." Tom then said, "which time?" Bert didn't even notice how deranged and sinister that reply was.

"Do we have a serial killer watching?" Bert, your co-host is a serial killer.

Love when we have experts on the podcast talking about their field

It's so sweet how Tom's eyes light up when he talks about something he truly loves.

"That's just murder, we're serial killers!" lol

The look on Tom’s face when he said “of course it sounds fun!” Said it all 😂

If you look close you can see the flicker of flashbacks in Toms eyes while Bert asks his silly rookie questions of fumbling through his first killing.

The most ill-advised conversation ever recorded 😂😂

This would make an awesome premise for an HBO show starring Tom and Bert. Where it starts out talking about this, then they actually try to do it. But they are really bad at it. And maybe they somehow meet a stone cold serial killer who knows their secret and befriends them. But Tom and Bert don’t want any part of the serial killer and decide to kill the serial killer. And throughout this show, different comedians show up as versions of theirselves.

I feel like I just witnessed Tom’s confession.

“You’d have to go to Maine, Montana, all over” Garth brooks is shaking in his boots on his tour bus right now. Tommy buns is onto him

Now we know why Tom became a comedian and tours around the country!

Tom saying "Yeah" in response to "I've never had the urge to kill someone" at 4:03 was not the appropriate tone for someone in actual agreement

Welcome to the FBI watchlist

I see Tom smacking someone with a hammer and laughing maniacally as their eyes are falling out and they groan while Bert just freaks out as they sprawl around dying and leaves them to die off.

I love when the guys in the back just bust out laughing 😂 makes it even funnier

“Im not killing a 6.. she might be able to take me” 😂😂😂

0:57 when Tom states “It’s not like Before.” The man has lived it.

I’m sure everyone appreciates Burt’s sleep apnea wheezes into the mic

I have always wondered what the immediate aftermath would be. How long does the adrenaline last? Do you just panic? Then what?? Hopefully Tom's paper will touch on these topics.

Bert laughs at simple jokes the way you would laugh at the greatest joke ever told

you guys have conversations we had every day in the military lol. love this channel.

3:49 “I’ve never had the urge…I could’ve even wrap my head around…the urge to go into someone’s house and kill somebody” Tom: “yeeahhhhh…”

Christina was right in her special Tom's really into this lol.

Bert: I’ve never had that urge. Also Bert: I’ve got a list.

I got the strangest look from my roommate while listening, and laughing my ass off to this conversation. 😂

This is the best conversation these 2 jabronis have ever had on air. I can't express how much I needed this, this morning before work.

You guys are on a "watch list" now. First rule of serial killing is never talk about your crimes. 😂😂😂

They’ve had some wild conversations but this one took the cake. I couldn’t stop laughing

Bert would try and end up having a couple drinks and a 3 hour conversation with them and forgot why he came and leave. Would be a great episode of America's dumbest criminals.

this was the funniest conversation about serial killers that I've ever heard. they fukng killed it. 😂

"The cold really helps preserve evidence so the hotter the better" lol you guys are hysterical 🤣

Tom actually looks like he's killed before 😂😂

High quality conversion right there! I could listen to that particular conversation for the rest of the week. Awesome!

“ no that’s murder, We’re Serial killers!” -Bert 🤣

Bert: "Do you think a serial killer listens to the podcast?" Tom: Course I do, it's me

Berts still trying to figure out what race to go after 😂😂

Somewhere out there is a detective going through and cross checking toms tour history cities + missing people lol

Authorities need to look into Tom’s gigs in Maine and Montana

Chances are, that there’s an actual serial killer listening…

Tom listened to Carlin’s advice for serial killers one to many times.

I will put this to the test. Thanks Tom and Bert!

Tom low key describing Isreal Keyes in the beginning lmao

I like how Tom keeps trying to dodge the question. 🤣🤣

Bert is killing Amber Herd types for days! ☠️ 💀 💥

This is one of my favorite conversations 🤣 really seeing the duality of the team here!

Greatest conversation ever! Pure Gold.

cant wait to see this as evidence in 10 years from now!

I love how we all accept that Tom is a sociopath.

"I'm going woman" *laughter from the rafters* *fist bump* "That's nice"

I had a teacher like Tom. Just loved it, man.

'' She is georgeous if I am gonna kill her. I am not killing a six!!!''. Nadav laughs. You know Nadav is so happy when he hears Bert is showing up.

I think the zodiac killer doing what he did is one of the most impressive things out of this "genre" of human being.

Thank you. I'll keep this information in mind.

Taking detailed notes. Thanks Tom Segura 🙏🙏🙏

Bert seems like the type that gets so scared and jumpy they throw up lmao

This is awesome… this is probably the closest we’ll get to Tom admitting he’s a serial killer before he gets caught

Thanks Tom, been looking for some advice.

This might be my favorite convo on 2bears ever

At any one time, there are between 25-50 serial killers active. I imagine theres a few that avoid patterns, and have been active for a while.

Tom has thought this out while Bert is trying to ponder Tom’s vision.

Love to see Tom so invested in his art

Feels like a drunk talk with my mates love you boys

Segura had to hold back.. lol, he's probably already done it! Perfect cover, funny guy, travels.. 😒🤔

Bert is Bert’s biggest fan. Bert thinks everything Bert does is hilarious.

This is the conversation I’ve desperately wanted to have with a friend my entire life. I’ve never had anyone I’ve ever felt comfortable enough with to have it.

the background laughter kills me 😭

"So piecemeal together, for me, how you would kill someone" 5:01 tom more engaged than he's ever been

Spending the whole convo focusing on what race to kill is definitely a way to prove you’re not racist Brent.

Imao the thumbnail has a collage of serial killers with Bert included 😂😂😂

I saw in the total Tom talks about serial killers had me hooked since he is one

Once again Burp ruins a potential 11 min walk through of Tom's perfect plan to "get away with it" by constantly interrupting, after asking the question himself.

4:00 - “I’ve never had the urge like Ted bundy to be break into their home”- Bert “yeah…” - tom thinking about it at that moment 😂🥲

Toms looking well rested in this clip 👏🏼

First time Bert let’s Tom talk straight to the murder how to 😂

I feel like Bart did most of the talking on this one, which might have been Tom's plan all along.

How would you kill someone? “That’s a really good question, I’ve thought about it” 😂😂😂😂

Tom, meet Israel Keyes. “I think of him as an analog killer in a digital world. All he did was buy a one-way plane ticket to a major city, rent a car, drive thousands of miles. In those drives, he’d be digging up “kill kits” that he’d hidden all over the U.S. The kits were Home Depot buckets that he filled with guns, ammo, rope, cash and Drano, which he would use to accelerate human decomposition. The locations were only in his mind, never documented. Within hours, he would find a victim or victims-he also had a thing for couples-abduct them, take them to another location, rape and murder them. If he could, he’d take the bodies to another location and dispose of them so expertly that he left no trace of them or his DNA behind. Then he’d immediately put thousands of miles between him and that crime scene.•

Damn. Tom's really thought about this a lot.

The producer cracking up in the background was hilarious!

Needed this

So funny I did my senior paper on stand up comedy, not too different than Tom apparently. Also ever notice that when a comedian does well they say they “killed”. Lmao

I’m not as sure as Tom about choosing the “big city” setting over small town. Cities have many more people to choose as victims but every town has a few people that no one would notice if they disappeared (ie, homeless bum, elderly hermit, etc.). The problem I see with cities is they’re more likely to have experienced murder investigators and much more resources at their disposal. Yes, more frequent murders means that the cops don’t have as much time to devote to any one investigation, but I think there’s still too much risk. A ton of modern cities are also covered in cameras - traffic cameras, public surveillance, private security, etc. Some places have so many cameras that they’re impossible to avoid and that provides info for the cops to work with. On the other hand, I’ve been in many small towns that have only a handful cops and essentially no outdoor camera coverage. I think there’s an argument to be made that the small town’s a better option. Am I wrong?

Tom is like: “I’m already on a watch list so hey FBI, watch this.”

Lol tom segura killing people up close then just rolling on the floor laughing from the sounds of them dying afterwards like when he watches the videos where people get hurt on YMH. It finally ends for him when he shows his wife a recording while laughing "isn't this hilarious babe".

6:25 lmao imagine that, some poor woman commin home late at night, she kinda senses somethings wrong, her highheels gets stuck to the sticky floor, she touches it and smells it, and its kool aid as she realises theres somebody in her appartment

Tom you’ve done a lot of research 🧐 🤣🤣🤣

Tom’s face at 5:02 after Bert’s question got me

Lmao, hearing the work crew in the back kkkkiiilllllsssss meeee 🤣🤣

"I am the machine...The KILLING machine!" Also he works with cats.

Bert needs to buy a new voice box 😂