Tom Segura - The Key to Marriage

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5 жыл бұрын

#TomSegura on how intimidation and fear are his keys to marriage.
Tom Segura stand up from the Just For Laughs Festival in 2011.
#TomSeguraJFL #TomSeguraStandUp
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Пікірлер: 1 100

@robert10197 5 жыл бұрын

he's just talking to the audience, not telling them jokes, he's so good

@dutchess2121 2 жыл бұрын

sometimes that doesn't work. like Tiffany Haddish also talks but unfortunately doesn't put jokes so it doesn't work.

@jillm.1108 9 ай бұрын

@dutchess2121 Agree. Tom can pull it off, Tiffany unfortunately cannot.

@linaluv215 5 жыл бұрын

I like this guy. His delivery is everything

@Bhans920 5 жыл бұрын

Should see him now

@timothy2935 5 жыл бұрын

Check out his podcast he does with his wife . It's called Your mom's house Piss on me Beat me Try it out

@guntag2409 4 жыл бұрын

No, don't check out their podcast. The intro song they use is too short ‽

@GLo1991 4 жыл бұрын

Just saw him live in LA it was fantastic

@anchorbubba 4 жыл бұрын

@@guntag2409 i swear it keeps getting shorter and shorter, really pissin me off

@justinbeckwith3194 4 жыл бұрын

The cousin bit is definitely about Bert

@nicholasnixon1311 3 жыл бұрын

Uhhhhh hundred percent

@rustyshackleford6693 3 жыл бұрын

I love Bret crystal

@justdrewit2498 3 жыл бұрын

I thought so too

@jordankjallberg5720 3 жыл бұрын

Who dat?

@jamesgilmore69 3 жыл бұрын

No he actually has a cousin Brian that made the McDonald's documentary. He was on YMH last year

@OhighOSkater 5 жыл бұрын

When Tom Segura is doing standup, I always know it's worth watching

@tstan9713 5 жыл бұрын

Oh DoOo yaAaa

@soulwaves20000 2 жыл бұрын

It’s not weird, you can still order the chicken 😂😂😂 l love that bit.

@varthasvegenos 2 жыл бұрын

Yyeeaaa!!

@ragreenburg 3 жыл бұрын

That restaurant bit is so true. People act like you have to order different things. My girlfriend will do that and it's like, if we made food at home then we would be eating the same thing so why is it weird now that we're at a restaurant.

@ghfjfghjasdfasdf 3 жыл бұрын

😆

@SaltySeaCaptain 3 жыл бұрын

Yeah wtf a lot of people go to restaraunts for a specific dish anyway

@atiqahdiyana5665 2 жыл бұрын

I think for me it’s cause my family and my culture in general encourages food sharing and I’m not necessarily talking food swaps. I’m talking “hey have a few bites” and vice versa. So you never want to choose the same thing cause then you’d just have one type of dish on the table Unless of course that dish is super good and frankly the only thing that’s good in that place or if you’ve just been craving, etc. but in general the goal is just to be able to share and experience a wider variety of dishes whennever you go out to eat because like you said, when you’re home you’re gonna be eating the same thing. You don’t want to do that when you’re out

@larrywexner4163 2 жыл бұрын

and its such a weenie comment.

@jhoppz09 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah with a girlfriend/wife or whatever in my experience it's cuz you can sorta share or have a few bites. With others I don't get it.

@vdoza33 2 жыл бұрын

My favorite part about all the questions at the end was that they didn’t lead to a punchline. He just ended the set lmaoooo it made it seem like he was just venting 😂😂😂

@mfntonberry 5 жыл бұрын

Tommy you need a new netflix special. I've become desensatized and can no long reach climax when watching them.

@savannahn2169 5 жыл бұрын

I think I've found my soul mate.

@_nomote_ 4 жыл бұрын

Pretty sure he’s working on another one. He mentioned it in a recently episode of ymh

@jennygoofus6968 4 жыл бұрын

Just take 11 benedryl and you'll be as sensitive as ever

@callumdunkley1 4 жыл бұрын

does anyone have any recommendations for a comedy special that will help me reach full climax

@fadew55 4 жыл бұрын

Good news!!!! Ball hog is here

@KidCity1985 5 жыл бұрын

He calls it being an inverter, the rest of us call it being high.

@newskistewski5877 4 жыл бұрын

Julie Anderson i was so confused as to wtf an "inverter" was but then i realized your a story and all letters look like hieroglyphs when you're high.

@yalanchiswiss2650 3 жыл бұрын

I swear I used to think I was a genius envisioning hydropowered elevators, underground roller coasters etc... Getting high most definitely warps your creative imagination.

@deez2569 2 жыл бұрын

Lol I used to do that annoying "philosiphying" shit. Ah, how I miss my youth. Now smoking is just a part of my day. 😎 Cheers 🍻

@jeremiaha5167 5 жыл бұрын

I think Tom is extremely underrated. Those who know him love him, but there's masses of people, even stand up fans, who never heard of him.

@pcbangbros8350 2 жыл бұрын

Damn, his cousin must have been Steve Jobs. Comes up with good ideas, makes smarter people figure it out for him, takes all the credit!

@jth4242 2 жыл бұрын

That's how it always works, and he's still rightly getting the credit because it was a success and he's the only one without whom it wouldn't have been one. His cousin didn't do anything, and of course his ideas couldn't be done.

@pcbangbros8350 2 жыл бұрын

@randomguy9777 Well, Steven jobs had a reality distortion field. The guy was a lunatic.

@sarahomar8351 Жыл бұрын

That's a Bill Burr roast

@mrnoir6044 Жыл бұрын

if you pay them it not stealing

@403.FORBIDDEN Жыл бұрын

Nobody nor himself said he personally created the iPhone. He did, however, start the company from a garage and put in the time and research to make it even possible.

@soulistheanswer 5 жыл бұрын

The funny thing is, you can control Tesla’s with your phone now

@Josh-st6pu 5 жыл бұрын

soulistheanswer his cousin was Elon musk this whole time

@andym8557 5 жыл бұрын

yep and funny thing is, less than one percent of the population owns one or gives a shit. I want established car companies to make ecofriendly cars, not self driving horseshit

@FrameDrumAndFlute 4 жыл бұрын

Darn, they stole my idea.

@tws18st3 4 жыл бұрын

I doubt you can actually drive a fucking car with a cellphone so many reasons why

@aitnobetafaq 4 жыл бұрын

BAN

@asdfasdfasdfwertwert 5 жыл бұрын

SUP KANE

@matteric2814 5 жыл бұрын

BIKES

@bbuk8729 5 жыл бұрын

DOOKIE SHOES

@curiouskarl5485 4 жыл бұрын

BIKES

@masonkane5884 4 жыл бұрын

👋 hi

@MHasnain2663 4 жыл бұрын

JEANS!!

@mistrjt9213 2 жыл бұрын

Where has Tom been all my life?? I found him a couple days ago and it’s all I’ve been watching/listening to this weekend.

@mizzou19 5 жыл бұрын

Always enjoy seeing footage of Jeans from back in the day

@sirpsychosexy 5 жыл бұрын

vintage jeans

@DanButcher303 5 жыл бұрын

Vibey leg coverings for sure

@daviddivad2155 4 жыл бұрын

I'm going out on a limb, but I bet his browns were gigantic back then.

@andrethomazonipessoasilva123 5 жыл бұрын

Tom Segura is always funny. BIKES!!!

@madisonbaker7056 5 жыл бұрын

André Thomazoni Pessoa Silva hold my pocket!!! 😂😂😂

@sidvyas8549 Жыл бұрын

@@madisonbaker7056 eughhh

@dj80550 2 жыл бұрын

I see Tom, click like. He never disappoints. Have a great day everyone 🤘

@lizward5664 2 жыл бұрын

That's exactly the same marriage I had with my husband. He passed away on January 1st, 2022. And I miss asking all those questions to him. Thanks for making me smile and reminding me of what a perfect marriage is .

@denimchicken104 Жыл бұрын

Can you tell me what all those questions are for? It sounds exhausting to me to have to answer them.

@MDMAx 9 ай бұрын

She prepares you to have children. The number of worthless questions will rise exponentially.

@leostrazsa5440 5 жыл бұрын

How is his cousin different from Steve jobs?

@x_VineM_x 5 жыл бұрын

Boom!

@swordofulster5661 5 жыл бұрын

Got em

@tonerdo 5 жыл бұрын

because Steve Jobs made moves and groups that worked. That's smart. I'm not arguing for or against him. I can't tell if you're just piggy backing a joke that's been made a million times - infamously by Bill Burr

@jkcyrus 5 жыл бұрын

Bill Burr did a bit on Steve Jobs not really being all that.

@leostrazsa5440 5 жыл бұрын

@@tonerdo I've never heard this joke, but it wouldn't matter. It is a legitimate question. Tons of people have ideas. Steve jobs is only revered because he had the resources and money to pour into his idea. I am sure if everyone had the same chance to do so there would be more inventors and or inventions. You say you are not arguing for or against him but your sentence structure paints a different picture. If you are going to fake bias have someone proof read your post before you hit send.

@Victor-gj7pi 3 жыл бұрын

“I feel like we are all related....” That opening line is dope 🎱 . Sure using in a convo

@JaseBarrows 3 жыл бұрын

Have you used it in a convo yet?

@grazianolandin6096 2 жыл бұрын

Brian sounds a lot like Steve Jobs lol

@thekrieg4204 5 жыл бұрын

“My wife is Kim Jong Il” 😂😂😂I couldn’t breathe

@xnxtlvlx4194 3 жыл бұрын

I got a feeling this guy will make it big some day.

@dralithi 5 жыл бұрын

The rapid fire questions at the end are great 🤣

@bocagoodtimes1460 Жыл бұрын

It’s amazing how far he’s come from these early days….podcast king!

@Ilovehiphopmuzik1 5 жыл бұрын

"You use the R word!!!"

@jeremiaha5167 5 жыл бұрын

Thank God for comedians. The last bastion of "I can say whatever the fuck you want".

@nepadron 5 жыл бұрын

@@jeremiaha5167 until you can't.

@jeremiaha5167 5 жыл бұрын

@@nepadron - That is what the SWJ far left ultra progressives are trying to do already. To decide what is OK to joke about... Digusting inhuman people posing as kind and compassionate. Fucking creeps.

@mosaic617 5 жыл бұрын

Ilovehiphopmuzik1 sounds like hardcore fun

@ThaHooman 5 жыл бұрын

Ilovehiphopmuzik1 retraded?

@drealatulippe4930 4 жыл бұрын

I love this guy, he’s awesome!

@tyfrey_ 4 жыл бұрын

YES I ALWAYS MIX THOSE WORDS UP THANK YOU TOM 😭❤️

@bigbutt9999 5 жыл бұрын

man ive been looking for this set for a while now! i remember coming across this along time ago , classic Tommy Buns

@taylortyler9995 5 жыл бұрын

Tom Segura is funnier than Bert Kreischer...

@travistwelfthman 5 жыл бұрын

Less fat and racist too!

@Sixsoul 5 жыл бұрын

Pick a random comment and the person who made it is definitely funnier than Bert Kreischer

@TheBdavis2195 5 жыл бұрын

Its not even close. Am I the only one whos annoyed by Bert? Never found him funny and his laugh irks me, I cant watch anything with him in it. Its like hey Ill take my shirt off because I know nothing I say is funny. FUCK OFF DUDE lol

@jakehoover6655 5 жыл бұрын

@@TheBdavis2195 he had his one great story "The Machine", which seems very exaggerated anyway, and he is milking it. Tom is a legit comedian.

@taylortyler9995 5 жыл бұрын

@@Sixsoul LMAO Thank you!

@IMNfilms 3 жыл бұрын

I can't stop watching this guy. Tom Segura, the intellectual Tim Allen.

@bman251230 5 жыл бұрын

Him and his wife are both hilarious!!!

@jamesevans9007 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, him is!

@piercemccauley7079 Жыл бұрын

Just him

@EJofLA 3 жыл бұрын

The last part of that routine was priceless thanks!

@char_lizard8440 3 жыл бұрын

I hope this guy makes it big someday!!!! He's good!

@TK-yh4hn 3 жыл бұрын

Love him, love his wife!! Absolutely perfect.

@baaz8884 3 жыл бұрын

This version of tom segura is like little jake from two and a half men

@melvina628 5 жыл бұрын

I think I saw this couple outside the post office. She was yelling at him, "Are you stupid? Wait outside" He was crouched down on the sidewalk with a scared dog expression..as he waited outside.

@greywolf7577 2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like abuse. If a man did that, people would be helping the woman, but since it is the woman doing it, people just ignore it.

@SuperAzeone 5 жыл бұрын

This is a class act.. Very funny performance and tempo. The cousin part and the wife shit is hilarious.

@Arcadius100 10 ай бұрын

Sounds like Elon Musk is Tom Segura's cousin.

@antonymanuel5008 2 жыл бұрын

Once again 🤣🤣🤣 the delivery..

@FreeFalasteen4ever Жыл бұрын

The personality of Zach Galifianakis, I love it

@klaasvanstrien989 3 жыл бұрын

Just discovered this guy, big fan straight the way 😂 👍

@harrisonbrowning 5 жыл бұрын

Tom Segura is doing a showing what it's like to dress like a high school kid in 2004

@simonerunyan5403 Жыл бұрын

2004? More like 1984 with that LaCoste polo he is wearing!

@hydroking619 5 жыл бұрын

Lmfaooo that second bit had me crying 🤣😂🤣

@legacymarketing2164 2 жыл бұрын

Lol. The phone driving your car is not far off lol

@PsychoticAnarchist69 3 жыл бұрын

This guy is the awkward improv artist i’ve been lookingn for

@galenguo7570 4 жыл бұрын

Tom looks like Kung Fu Panda if he was albino and he gave up on the karate thing

@roachsmacker7821 3 жыл бұрын

Kung fu

@ripsey_muscle 5 жыл бұрын

Made my day!!! Literally LOL

@greeneggs6828 2 жыл бұрын

One of the best comics around

@TokyoTraveller 3 жыл бұрын

his cousin graduated from the Steve Jobs School of Business

@alceedus 5 жыл бұрын

I love Tom so much

@br6768 5 жыл бұрын

Your mom loves bikes

@alceedus 5 жыл бұрын

B R thanks jeans

@br6768 5 жыл бұрын

@@alceedus You wanna meet Terry's double dong?!

@afonsocarvalho2695 3 жыл бұрын

I could watch this dude for hours Lmao

@kiduzi9507 2 жыл бұрын

The code part got me

@Abstrack23 5 жыл бұрын

This guy should be on everyone's top 5 list - I ranked him among the comedy greats such as John Mulaney, Bill Burr, Jim Jefferies, Dave Chappelle, Earthquake, Lavell Crawford + Louis CK.

@OokamiDaBoi1da 5 жыл бұрын

Hes got that chill af zack galifinakos almost mono tone normal bro funny bob from bobs burgers vibe comedy i love it

@josht5453 5 жыл бұрын

Ookami Da Boi1da holy fucking run on sentence dude

@craigjoshua8097 5 жыл бұрын

"A shoe that turns into a plane..." killed me...

@StanMJr 5 жыл бұрын

This is so much HARDCORE FUN!!!

@POSITIVE688 4 жыл бұрын

Brian is just Tom when he's high😆

@telephantasm4070 2 жыл бұрын

Or Bert.

@codycrossman 5 жыл бұрын

Wow, Tom really grew as a comic since these days. Not a bad set, but he really blows this out of the water with just off the cuff comments on the podcast these days. Unbelievable how some comics' talents grow.

@saunterrrr 3 жыл бұрын

Segura is such a savage. Love him

@ducklife5497 3 жыл бұрын

HONESTLY Tom segura is always excellent

@samuelvaldez5389 5 жыл бұрын

Back when jeans was but a pair of jorts

@emilyspinach4603 5 жыл бұрын

Hahaha

@DanMess 5 жыл бұрын

I remember listening to this bit on pandora around 7 years ago. I have always loved this bit but forgot who’s it was. I love Tom segura, listen to his podcast every week, have seen him live, and I have also seen all his specials. I just found out that this is his bit and that’s so weird but cool!!!!

@simonford7806 2 жыл бұрын

he nailed it early with the phone driving the car…hello Tesla

@xaviermccorriston1511 5 жыл бұрын

I love Tommy!

@anthonyvalentin9241 3 жыл бұрын

Funniest comic, I can't watch him on my phone in public 😂😂😂

@azulamazigh2789 5 жыл бұрын

THE PHONE THAT DRIVE A CAR. didn't George Hotz Invent it.

@Metrowhite 4 жыл бұрын

That's Tom's cousin.

@theliarsclub6009 5 жыл бұрын

Tom killing others dreams. Lol. Great stuff!

@Johnny240SE 5 жыл бұрын

Love Tom

@bdusanek 5 жыл бұрын

Anybody else gets stressed when you see the video is ending soon, and you're not sure if he can end the joke in time?

@longdirtytoenails1076 5 жыл бұрын

Like Keanu Reeves in Speed?

@rvrmdude 4 жыл бұрын

On every video, bro.

@jhonnyrodriguez2944 5 жыл бұрын

Try it out

@Nitrodino7875 5 жыл бұрын

3 stroke gang

@anber4129 3 жыл бұрын

hes good. loved it ♥️

@prosurfaholic5121 4 жыл бұрын

I wanna see more of this guy he’s hilarious

@relativemotion 4 жыл бұрын

He's on Netflix

@larryisntmynamebutyoucanca9625 3 жыл бұрын

So happy to be out of that relationship. If anybody in this comment section is going through that kind of relationship with someone, just remember there is always a way out. Sometimes its ok to just pack all your stuff overnight and move to another state. No big deal.

@gmedina911 4 жыл бұрын

Now I don’t know how to use “conscience” or “conscious” lol

@no-gc6xd 5 жыл бұрын

That is some very polite laughter. Which he’s lucky to get with this bit. Glad he’s gotten much funnier since.

@chickadybrandyd 5 жыл бұрын

I love Tom! 😂

@supafun33 5 жыл бұрын

Inventors are cool guys. Try it out.

@sabbasarishvili6677 5 жыл бұрын

Probably the worst crowd I've ever seen

@Ward413 4 жыл бұрын

It’s really just not that funny though. Don’t get me wrong, I like Tom a lot, but his early stuff is a little rough around the edges. It’s not exactly laugh out loud funny. So it’s not the crowds fault when none of his material warranted more than a light chuckle. I think even Tom would concede this wasn’t exactly the highlight of his career and he’s a much better comic now.

@edwin69jam 10 ай бұрын

Is that the good fat old Tom? That’s my spirit animal dude

@BittyBeach 5 жыл бұрын

This made me laugh out loud!

@br6768 5 жыл бұрын

We're all doing this because we know Tom Segura will read these?

@flavioptferreira 5 жыл бұрын

No. Because e desperately hope he will.

@skwootch578 5 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry bro but what are you trying to get at?

@amazed66 5 жыл бұрын

@@skwootch578 Presumably alluding to Tom reading the KZfaq comments under any of his videos on here?.....Has he maybe said somewhere before that he does that? If so Tom, what kind of psycho finds Asian men reversing their cars into another Asian man funny? :)

@PeterMaher123 5 жыл бұрын

Zach Wyant what part of his post do u not get ?

@nepadron 5 жыл бұрын

YES, DAMNIT

@NORMASHBASH 3 жыл бұрын

Was visiting my mom and she overheard this. She’s obsessed and I can’t blame her man 🤣😂

@DjR3aper 4 жыл бұрын

My professor taught class in the style of tom segura doing stand up

@EDMTMLFilms 5 жыл бұрын

This is hard core fun!

@benstrickland8876 5 жыл бұрын

I’m glad he made it now so he can buy a new shirt

@JamesBeam420 5 жыл бұрын

You know the saying, "He killed!" ? Well, I literally was laughing so hard that i started to choke, and my survival instincts kicked in . I'M ok now.

@steezywu 4 жыл бұрын

J Madden you couldn’t tell this to someone real ?

@The.Kyle.Scott. 4 жыл бұрын

WuTang *3* you couldn’t ask him this question in real life?

@kharnakcrux2650 3 жыл бұрын

i get the premise of the bits. But how in the world is any of this funny? ;|

@deathbyhands 2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣the wife bit killed me

@oxiary 3 жыл бұрын

brah the ending is literally all my aunties.

@kemocali6504 4 жыл бұрын

"You can drive your car with your phone, just push a button" Tesla does that now 😏

@edwarddaniell4946 5 жыл бұрын

Wow he's really good I feel like if he sticks at it he can do it professionally one day!

@haydenCmalone 5 жыл бұрын

Lol

@bentolleson2585 5 жыл бұрын

Tom is such a hoot

@slysusanoo8110 3 жыл бұрын

the last part is spot on..

@michaelweston2285 5 жыл бұрын

looks like his cousin made a bunch of fake accounts to downvote this clip. wish i were that inventive

@BLVCKBURN 5 жыл бұрын

A phone that drives the car for you....Tesla App with summon mode?

@mr.nobody9697 5 жыл бұрын

lol love the key to marriage joke

@kristi9 4 жыл бұрын

Tom Segura is the king 💓

@Runny117 5 жыл бұрын

I'll admit I can't order the same thing as someone else lol

@matthewheywood8532 4 жыл бұрын

It can feel weird but if it is what I want I order it and the good thing about ordering the same is less of a chance your order gets messed up

@tannerhicks4098 3 жыл бұрын

So...his cousin is like Steve Jobs. Just has the ideas and makes other people bring it to life

@karlkratzer4928 3 жыл бұрын

this guy is my hero

@wucuttas3165 5 жыл бұрын

Lmfao!! Fear and intimidation