I wrote this song a few months back. Its about a very real fear I've had for as long as I can remember... will I live another day, and will I have lived it to the best of my ability.
The plan I had in mind for it originally, was to do a studio recording. Have drums, a bass line, maybe some harmonies. But I've been singing it so long as a solo acoustic piece that when I built the studio version, it took away everything that I really enjoy about some simple poem writing. Now obviously to the listener, a studio version would make most go "owe ahh how amazing". But after "Letters to Brenda" was all said and over with, I learned that I actually really hated the studio process of making songs haha. This recording has a lot of flaws.. but yet so do i. So it's perfect.
This phase of what I'm calling my "KZfaq songs" is to remind myself that things don't need to be perfect. Seeking perfection is what squandered any joy I had when it came to any other thing I've tried in my life, and resulted in me quitting. Sometimes I wonder where id be today had I have stayed consistent in some of my hobbies. But, its to late to pounder. I'm here now.
I was a little boy the first time I held a guitar. I was sitting on the back porch of my grandmas house. I don't remember the man's name, who he was, or why he was there. but I was so small that my hands didn't fit across the frets, and I remember thinking how cool it was to hold that instrument. I wouldn't touch a guitar again until I was 16. I played for only 8 months, and then I put in a case and into a closet. For 6 years.
I get mad at myself when I think about that. I wanted to play the guitar so bad when I was growing up, but the only thing I could get my hands on was a violin. Now here I was, with every tool I needed in front of me, and I stuffed it into a closet.
I've been playing for two years now. Every single day I play. The only other thing I've ever done this consistenly was ride a bike. so, I know I love this. I don't know if I'm meant to be a famous musician, or just other wannabe with a guitar that nobody will ever hear play. But I don't care. I love this, and I'm glad I'm here now. I love using it as a tool to express myself in a way that I've never been able to do before. For the people that read this, and to the people that are still here watching me as I've rebranded myself from the vlogging BMX kid, to the outta tune singing guitar player, thank you.
After everything I've gone through and tried to do in life, I'm finally where I was always supposed to be.