The worst ones are the ones who play church 🤢

My grandmother summed up the narcissist in a nutshell-: House Devil, Street Angel

There are always strings attached for any act of kindness. Narcissist are truly evil and the covert is the worst. Sneaky and deceptive. You don't want anyone like this in your life! Go no contact and stay no contact.

If we truly knew EVERYTHING they hid from us we’d be extremely shocked and disgusted

Strange behaviors of Covert Narcissist 1. Hide and conceal their true identity behind a “mask of concern” 2. You feel you have to play detective to find out who they are and what they are up to 3. They are terrible listeners 4. Their words and actions do not align ( Big indication) 5. Make you feel guilty 6. You feel like you are indebted to them if they’ve done “something” for you (Strings attached) 7. They have secret addictions or secret lives. They feel they are entitled to do whatever they want to do. 8. They manipulate the empaths caring nature.

It makes me sad to see all the nice people on these channels that have been abused.

“They will string us along for years as much as they can”. Hit me

We live in a pandemic of narcissists,,, and there’s no cure !

You cannot hold them "accountable" for what they say and do because they don't hold "themselves" accountable!

I was in a relationship with a covert Narcissist, and while with him I met his best friends mother-in-law who in-turn became my best friend who later while healing from my ex narc realized she was in fact a covert narcissist too! OMG, I just couldn’t believe it! A light bulb went off and I new. I’m happy to report that I have been completely narc free for almost a year now, and I’ve never been happier. I kicked both of them to the curb and my life is loving, peaceful, and full of light and laughter again.

Thank you for sharing, I also think the covert narcissist can be very quiet as a manipulation tactic, to make others think they mean no harm when in reality they are just scheming and gathering more information about their targets.

Your insights are helpful; thank you. Sometimes they listen intently - when they are gathering information to use against you!

Thank you Jill. I was involved with a narcissist. What a terrible experience. I have to say it took me almost four years to truly believe that there was something wrong with this guy. I'm out now and feel free of his outrageous behaviour. They will steal your soul if you let them.

The worst ones are the ones that project their narcissism on others they destroy a relationship then tell everyone he or she was a narcissist and play the victim only to get the next sucker in line.

They listen when they're sucking informarion out of what you're saying so they can use it against you later. When you're not giving up anything of value to them, yes, they are bored and are terrible listeners

They're fony peices of crap...💩💩💩 I've been around one for over 20 yrs. Everything Jill said, absolutely TRUTH!

Yes! Secretive about everything! I could not figure out why he was so shady and it always felt like he was hiding things from me! Very sneaky and lied about everything as well!

He thought he hid all of these from me and he almost got away with it! But the empath, detective, truth teller that I am was onto him about 5 years prior to leaving! I attempted to leave a couple of times during that period. Discovering his porn addiction this past August had me packing for good! The divorce was finalized last month!

Empaths are created when they are raised by a narcissist and have been taught to be hyper vigilant about others, being the narcissist's, feelings to the point of ignoring their own needs, wants desires etc

Yep. Everything she said is true. If you find yourself in a romantic relationship like this, or have a family member or friend like this. End communication with them, and decide to choose you. Choose you, love you, work on you, and heal. You have value, and you matter. Know that you deserve better.

It’s sad that anytime someone speaks up about it, they’re viewed as paranoid, or someone that has mental Health problems. That speaks volumes as far as how many people aren’t grounded in anything true

I think the most important thing for people who feel they've been in a manipulative relationship and turn to these types of videos to learn about their antagonist is that it's rare for that person to exhibit all of these traits all the time. In other words, don't watch 4 or 5 of these and say, 'well (s)he never did this or that, so they must be something other than a narcissist.' They may not be but that type of relegation leads to you letting them off the hook, giving them additional chances, and getting hurt further. I'm sure there are some perfect examples of narcissists out there who check most of these boxes, but this isn't a roadmap to identifying whether the person mistreating you fits neatly under the narcissist label in the DSM. It's about recognizing that you're being mistreated, used, taken advantage of etc. and how the person is doing it to you. Don't worry about labeling them, worry about disconnecting your emotional state from their locus of control.

Jill, this encapsulates the narcissist who I fell in love with. After the bromance/bro bombing he was openly disinterested, dismissive, & secretive. If I may add another trait: Restless! Always going here & there, in & out day & night. To his moms, his synagogue, the store, the bank, ect. Never one to hang around & be cozy. He wasn't just covert, but also overt & somatic depending on who/where his "audience" was. I'll never know who the real guy was.

BINGO! Their ACTIONS and WORDS never, never, never line up!!! #facts

The narcissists i know never seem to stick to plans they make in advance,they dont know what they want

Word of caution from my own sad experience with these people....guard your sentimental or valuable stuff closely! They will break, destroy, sell, give away and disappear it if they know it is important to you. That includes pets, who they will harm covertly if you don't protect them 24/7.

Mother’s eyes very very quickly used to glaze over when I tried to communicate with her as a teenager. Can’t even imagine how disengaged she must have been when I was an infant

Re. Words and actions not aligning: At the airport, my covert ex kissed me goodbye and told me he loved me. Then he didn't return any of my text messages before his plane took off or when he landed at his hub. If he had loved me, he wouldn't have ghosted me.

100% spot on. I’ve observed these exact behaviors over and over again in a few of my girlfriends. They always come back after I leave and “promise” they are changed and “they will show me!” Lol...it’s only a couple weeks max and they are doing the same old same of even worse and when pointed out they deny, deflect, gaslight, blameshift and then set double binds. It’s amazing to watch just how contradictory they are. Nothing they say or do is real and they have absolutely zero morality or ethics. Quite literally a double conundrum. Stay away if you get away and never let them back in...you will regret it more and more each time. You are just a game to them.

I think it must be one of the hardest breakthroughs to achieve when you were raised by a narcissist(s). How can you know what is normal ... until you start acting out as a teen and then everyone thinks it's the teen.

Oh Jill I wish we were best friends.....spot on as always....It's so true they don't listen, they turn the topic around to themselves, or they half listen and pick out the words they can use against you later, with that I mean twist your words into falsehoods or use them to enforce them back to 'blackmail' you or 'guilt' you

#9 When you share your personal misfortune in the handling of a certain matter, the narcissist will directly berate you of your "wrong doing". The covert attack is straight out projection. 🧐💯

I was in a 'relationship' with a narcissist for 6 years. Once I worked it out I temporarily became like him and exacted my revenge. I did it to win back my self-confidence, but also because I didn't want this freak to ever contact me again. It worked 😁👍

1. their concern seems phoney 2. you have to be detective to figure them out. 3. they are terrible listeners. (bored, dismissive of your thoughts) 4. words and actions don't line up (pig-will, who doesn't) 5. make you feel guilty (pity and guilt-trip) 6. feel indebted to them, because of what they did for us 7. secret addiction, secret life 8. manipulate helpful people (narcissistic supply is to act as a victim)

This is a great video, the one I was with was very very cunning, he deserved an Emmy Award for his persona,

My narc would say “I never catch a break, never”! Then throw his hands up in the air.

My covert narc IS helpful. He’s always there for everyone. Ppl everyone adore him. He’s charming. Charismatic. Funny. It’s why I kept on & on trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. Why he hates me so much when I love him so so much.. I think he believes he’s a God. Really. He wants to be a good man, but keeps destroying women. Only women

I love it when they try and make you feel guilty. Not going to happen.

Mine was a cheater and very manipulative. He claims victim status. It is crazy making!!!!

So true. Sometimes they interrupt the conversation and make it about them.

One of the things that all narcs share is they bully those they envy (not just those that are empathetic). In other words, they treat those they are most threatened by covertly while "respecting" those they know are beneath them. In a way it's the ultimate back handed compliment.

Gosh, I think the hardest lesson learned for me was learning to believe my ex narc friend when she showed me who she really was. The signs were there, but I chose not to pay attention to them...because I did not want them to be real. Now, I always believe who someone is the first time I watch their behavior. #lifelessons

Narcs don’t have relationships with people, they have interactions.

I left him after 20 years and now he is doing everything right while love bombing lol He is a master at using my emotions and empathy against me

30 years- experienced all you are describing with covert narc. Still healing after 3 years. Heal I certainly will & flourish to never again allow such a toxic robot in my life. Thank you🙂💐

We need to spot narcissists and get them out of our lives.

I know exactly what your talking about..my narc could care less what happens to me..its always " but what about me? " or " you don't care about me" he's always the victim..never the winner in any situation..

I witnessed some very odd behaviour. One of the things which really puzzled me was he hid behind a wall in the cinema while we were married. I thought oh another woman! But no. I walked up to where he was hiding and called him out. He pretended he hadn’t seen me and our son, oh hello, he said. I was miffed. There was lots of stuff he did that left me like, wtf! It makes sense now as I discovered so much of he deviant behaviours were all for a reason in his twisted lying and financial abuse.

They aren't interested if they aren't getting what they want or your not useful to them in that hour

As always you are 'spot on" Thank you for helping me to recover and learn more ❤🌹❤

Demons from Hell👿👿👿

I’m an empath and it took me 3 relationships and almost 30 yrs later for me to learn that that pain had a name.. Narcissist. God led me to know what I was dealing with all of those years. And the sad thing is, I just left out of the 3rd relationship with one cause I’m trying to protect my new boundaries, but I miss her so much. I feel so guilty walking away, but I know one day I will appreciate the fact that I did. I was sorta in a relationship with one for 20+ yrs. I tried to heal with my love and always talking about Jesus, but Jesus led me to the facts that Only He Can Heal a heal a heart that is as broken as a narcissists heart is. He’s the Only One that can heal a broken heart of anyone and He’s doing that for me even now. After watching your video I realize I already knew the signs of a narcissist. I know full fact that I will Never Ever get involved with another narcissist. It’s time to start learning to love me better and heal. It’s time to go grab ahold of my dreams and work on me for a while until God sends me the man that will treat me like Heaven on Earth. I know I deserve that kinda love before I leave this earth as much Hell that I’ve already lived through with narcissists. Thanks to God, I know my worth. I am Not Trash!!! I AM ENOUGH!!! And I do Love Me. Just need to learn to Love Me Better. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us. Much love and light from one empath to another. ♥️✨

Wow! This video exposes the nature of the convert narcissism in detail. The covert narcissist are extremely cautious around grounded people with high level of intelligence and morals, blend well with empaths if undetected. These hurting souls wear layers of masks over the genuine self, similar to schizophrenia and sociopath. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

My ex narc told me so many lies, and when confronted about it, he just keep silent or accused me of being to critical with him, the blaming game. He had alcohol problems and kept many secrets about him from me. He only expected me, to be there taking care of him forever, but didn't gave a f*ck about my well being, just gave me some crumbs once in a while. It's all very destructive and evil and take a long time to heal afterwards. Thanxs for your advice. 🌻

Thanks again. If it hadn't been for reminders like this one instead of just more guilt trips being laid onto me I might have just continued to sink deeper and deeper instead while feeing too alone into a pit of both resentment while being detective instead of pie in the sky believing in their 'help' or promises of change.

Very accurate description of my older brother a Covert Narc. He may also be borderline. After many years of putting up with his abuse I've gone full no contact. The best thing. I feel so free now.

Narcs need to be taken out. I'm being serious.

This is yet another excellent presentation of important content. I can't help but think about how vital it is to spot narcissist traits early on -- say, when on your first date or even in advance of that -- so you can drop the person before he or she worms their way into your life and tries to ruin it. The following old fashioned saying is as valid today as it was when Benjamin Franklin first came up with it many years ago: "An ounce of prevention Is worth a pound of cure, meaning it is better and easier to stop a problem, illness, etc., from happening than to stop or correct it after it has started. (Merriam-Webster).

Hey Jill, Michele here from New Jersey, USA....❤ I live with a psycho narc....the other pandemic! Love your mech!!!!🤣🤣🤣

Hi, excellent video, so after being married to a covert for 32 years and being discarded. I now come to the realization that my mother too is a covert. The lies, tricks, manipulation, hoover, gaslighting and victim play are all too familiar. I tell you if it were not for me experiencing this abuse first hand, I wouldn't believe. BE AWARE COVERTS ARE VERY VERY CUNNING.

They will only be there as long as they know they can benefit from it. Yes, the guilt tripping is what made me try and try again to work things out because I was led into thinking I did wrong. But really the issue is not me, it's them. 😢 I almost lost my identity until I had to leave for my sanity.

My mother used to say how much she helped me with my car insurance and similar stuff. However she demanded about 70% of my income for board, so I didn't have enough money for basic living needs. I did all the housework and drove her everywhere as she didn't drive, so to my way of thinking she needed to help with paying my car insurance simply so that she had transportation.

Accurate video ! Thank you! I personally know some covert narcissists in my life and I can relate from my experience with these coverts to these weird behaviors The big one is the poor listening skills

Thanks 😊 for offering this important information. I believe I had been married to a covert narcissist. In fact I thought of him as a PJ (pity junkie).who would change things to make him look like the victim when he caused the problem to begin with. Such evil 😈

You hit the nail on the head with this video... thank you.

My sister is a covert narcissist she exhibits all of these symptoms. She's so funny sometimes she'll go and smoke a cigarette and you can smell it on her. She claims she's a non-smoker absolutely adamant she never smokes she used to. I've confronted her a couple of times and she doubles down hardcore. The nose knows

This is my ex girlfriend. I've never been more mentally hurt from any one person in my life . I loved her and did so much for her . And she discarded me like I was garbage. So she could be with someone else.

Ex-narc would state how he's done this or that for me. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, 'what are you talking about, you never did those things for me, it must've been your other girlfriend! They really do think we are so stupid! Not!!

The agonizing thing about when it's your child is the guilt...parents are already targets for this, the child finding justification for outlandish atrocities in ordinary parental mistakes

Thank you and God bless you Jill for being here🙏🏼😎

You’ve just described my soon to be ex narcissist husband,which is why I left him almost 2 years ago.

Thank you for this awesome, informative video! The ‘secret life of a narcissist’ part really struck home. I can attest to witnessing this very shady behavior & lack of vulnerability/openness of the covert narcissist

ooof, the concern always comes with a price! It will be used against you in the future.

What Type of Narc is a mother that demands thank you’d and presents and once you give them presents, they say „no, I don’t want it, you should save your money!!!!“

Sometimes I need to hear something like this just to remind me why I stop talking to my sister, at least the last one I still kept in contact with. She was always in need of something specially money but also clothes which had to be exactly like my own clothes bought in the same place, appliances like washing machines, refrigerators, blender, a tablet and phone etc and I was so stupid that I really bought into that sh... of hers and happily gave her all those things. Not only that, she was also in my budget so every single month for years, I sent her the equivalent of my own rent. But it was never enough she was always crying hard and loud begging for more money and reminding me of all the sacrifices she made taking care of our ancient mother. During which time I of course also sent them money and things they needed. One year for her birthday I gifted her a shopping trolley I bought in IKEA but she made a scene because she wanted to be sure that it was exactly the same I had, same color same size same wheels etc. I had to show her a picture of myself with my own shopping trolley just to reassure her and calm her down. I went bankrupt twice in ten years, but the last and third time about two years ago was it. I was done with her. Not because I went bankrupt but because of her reaction when I told her I had no money. She said literally that she needed "her" money and I owed her. I had a combined nervous/anxiety attack for days and weeks during which she kept texting me about "her" money and when I would send it to her. I blocked her as well as all our common contacts and started the hard road to healing myself and my economy. Now I am still in the recovery path hoping that some day I will get to a better place. And if you are asking yourselves where do I get all this money from? The answer is: my pension! I am 69, retired and have minimum pension so in this country I am considered very low income, living in a social housing unit and my sister knew that, she just didn't care of anything but herself. Now the worst is over although sometimes I still feel guilty for not taking care of her, but most of the time I am ok and thinking that is was about time I started to take care of myself. Love and compassion to all of you that had to and still are carrying this burden. Life is hard in itself, no need for leeches to suck blood, money resources and peace of mind from us. And what did I learn from all this? Fill your glass until it is full and if you want, fill another glass until it is full and another one. When all your three glasses are full, then consider sharing the rest with someone who really needs. Not your sister or the likes of her but somebody that really needs: refuges, homeless families and children, homeless dogs and cats. That is much more fulfilling than a heartless narcissistic person. ❤️❤️❤️

Nailed it! I checked off all 8 without hesitation for my ex-narc. Thank you for confirming and clarifying all this. It gives me peace of mind and freedom.

Thank you! This describes a couple of former friends that i had to go no contact with. Abusive, sneaky, secretive, all style no substance!

Wow!! I can't believe how the guy I dated was an 8 out of 8 to the T. Thanks. I was beginning to think I was losing MY MIND! So insightful! Thank you so much. I love your videos!

Being an extremely powerful empath... It has made my life terrible. My energy can be felt miles and miles away. But the narcs no longer have power over me.

Another great video, Jill! 🌷🌿🌷

The Video's content is excellent and Spot-on.

Hi 🙋🏼‍♀️ Jill! You always have excellent points! I WISH I KNEW THIS YEARS AGO

Your video came just in time for me.... I subbed to your channel... I was ready to seek counseling.... My whole family is like this.... Beyond the point where it's driving my blood pressure very high.... I even talk to my primary care doctor about it

It is so creepy! My stomach feels weird when I am with my friend. She is constantly telling me how much she is loved by others

On the money with all you mention in this video... Thank you for what you do

Your so spot on. Thank you so much.

Man, this is the best video that I’ve heard so far, that explains exactly what I’ve gone through for so many wasted years. Amazing, thank you.

Most people experience this in romantic relationships but mine is my mother in law. It's a different dynamic and hard to find support for this situation.

like dating Siri they don’t relate on any level

Oh mine would lame excuse- i got lost!

Ive used those exact words SO many times. “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”

What I’ve found is they listen but act like they (constantly say shut up) but then I reply, you stop listening then (they don’t understand) but it allows me to side step the word salad.

It must be hard to do a shorter video describing these individuals. So...................good job!

So Jill, I find that I can now identify these people real quick, which is great, but I find that I don't want to have anything to do with them, it's just too triggering. Do I spend my life just staying away from them? They are everywhere. It's only been a couple years of healing for me, after 50 years of abuse. I don't want to have to keep to myself forever.

A covert narcissist is every woman’s nightmare. I’ve lived with one for 34 years, and to this day it’s awful. Everything you mentioned in your vídeo is absolutely right. Thank you Jill for sharing your vast knowledge of narcissism with us. Love your videos!!!🤗

You are so right as i,m going through it and have been seeing this behaviour for quite a while now

My ex would always accuse me of cheating when I would just brag about her on social media with pictures n stuff. She looked into my past and I told her about it n she used it against me. She complained about everything , I'm a single father of 2 daughters 16 and 13 . She would say things about them ugly things . Ugly things about me and deceased parents as well. Threatened to sleep with other people if I didn't go over. Y would I want to go over if she's mad or complaining she was abusive. I tried so hard for a year and a half to get away she wouldn't let me. She made my life a living hell. Showed up to my job my apartment starting drama. I have a thing we're I'm passive and forget easily . After the first month I got bad vibes off this woman but something kept me there idk what. She gave me gifts n took them all back. Gave me money when I was struggling and took it back or if not she was gonna try n get me beat up. I was lost for a year . And that's cause I got out of a 7 year relationship with my previous ex who lied about breast cancer for 4 years and took money from my family church. Idk wat it is that I attract these woman I do think I am a empath. I'm a pisces ♓ male and 35 years old and I can honestly say I'm done with woman for a while I think almost every one is narcissistic due to social media these days . Great video by the way 🙂.

I thought he was just stupid as he truly never listened then later would swear i never said it

Every single one..every single thing. I never in a million years thought he was a narc. I knew he was moody, angry, anxious and a liar. Porn and sex workers. Knew he could be verbally abusive. And very emotionally needy. But he definitely isn’t grandiose, he actually plays pity party for himself. After 11 years, I am free!!!!! I am not sad. I feel empowered and ready to show up as the amazing woman and mother I am. Thank you so much for this.

Spot on my goodness!!!! Finally breaking free and going through a very hard divorce!!