Toxic Femininity | Nhu Y Hoang | TEDxBVIS HCMC Youth

Рет қаралды 41,470

Күн бұрын

NOTE FROM TED: This talk contains a discussion of body image and disordered eating which only reflects the speaker's personal views and experiences. Please seek professional help if you are struggling. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...
Nhu Y (Year 12) aims to raise awareness among people in general and young people in particular through her speech on ‘Toxic Femininity’. She hopes to encourage both genders to understand how certain actions can be harmful, propose some solutions to address this issue, as well as help people learn something new from this speech and avoid misinformation from the media. Nhu Y is a year 12 individual from British Vietnamese International School, HCMC who was aspired to raise awareness among people in general and young people in particular through her speech on ‘Toxic Femininity’. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 184

@virtual-viking 5 күн бұрын

Quiz time: 1. Y's ideal type matches John by a complete coincidence. 2. Y's ideal type matches John because he's traditionally masculine, and women collectively exert a pressure on men to conform to traditionally masculine expectations, by all going for guys like John. Cast your vote, and remember that men will stop being attracted to thin women when women stop being attracted to tall men, which is to say never.

@MylezNevison 5 күн бұрын

Trying to make the definition of feminism include the unconditional acceptance of women's choices is impossible. The trans community is currently going through the same dilemma. The long short of it is, you (woman, trans, etc) can choose to look at yourself or lifestyle however YOU want, but unfortunately, you can't force people to see or accept you as you do yourself. Thus, feminism should begin & end at choice. Trying to make it about the world accepting women's choices equally is an exercise in futility. *YOU make your choices, and your choices make YOU...*

@TraderangerAU 5 күн бұрын

Feminism is a choice indeed. You either choose the agreed upon traits or you decline some or all of them and have less polarity to masculinity.

@StuJones-gn7te 2 күн бұрын

Go to jail or get fined for calling someone he or she, instead of they or it.

@scottyhehehe5367 5 күн бұрын

The problem with her view is that anyone can determine their own definitions for words and ideals. When women try to buck natural desires and preferences of men, they turn them off, and the women wind up in one of two scenarios: 1) they become "leftover women" who remain single for an inordinate amount of time and therefore fail to have their own family, or 2) they have to settle for a man who submits himself to her views, is weak in his own constitution and ideals, and confuse any children they may have about what men and women are, about what mothers and fathers are. Women have choice about how they want to live and be viewed, but their choices have consequences in wider society. If you want to buck society and men's views, you can expect a response you may not like. Most women want to marry and have a family. This means having a lot of empathy and compromise, both personally and for society's sake.

@shadownight848 5 күн бұрын

Thank you for providing this very coherent and logical analysis. Well done.

@sunofabob 4 күн бұрын

I was thinking something like this. She's basically telling the world to accept women like her more often but it doesn't. And there's nothing wrong with that. Men and women have had specific roles for 99% of our existence and it has worked out. It continues to work well for us. To each their own but we gotta stop trying to force people to be one way. Find who accepts you and move on.

@chopperking1967 4 күн бұрын

Man or woman, you have the right to be the person you want to be. But don't confuse that with in any way being attractive to a partner. I always subscribed to becoming what I thought woman would find attractive so I got to date lots, and eventually marry a woman I valued. It worked, I got what I set my mind to, and I have two fantastic children. I am now divorced. Largely now, I prioritize MY wants and desires for ME, and no longer care nearly as much about what women care for. I am happy in life, achieving what I wanted, and I am free to live life true to myself.

@Ali-7676 Күн бұрын

Changing theestablishd definitions of things by stating "this is what it means to me" is a womans strongsuit and just another way to avoid accountability.

@fatemad4012 Күн бұрын

Why don't have Both? I can be Both i have balance in femininity and musculinity and men wanted marry me

@rahulkaushal1983 4 күн бұрын

"Women" and "Accountability For Their Actions" are mutually exclusive and exhaustive events!

@StuJones-gn7te 2 күн бұрын

Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets : I think of a man, then remove reason and accountability. Could have said "logic" instead of reason.

@Unknown-us3ii 4 күн бұрын

I completely agree with her, that's why now I don't want my girl to expect me to pay for my date, she must pay for the date to combat this toxic femininity! If she can't afford me, she doesn't deserve me! Drizzle, drizzle XD

@croneyr 2 күн бұрын

FaDrizzle! My nizzle!!

@Unknown-us3ii Күн бұрын

@@croneyr you let them know girlie!

@CornelisWH4303 4 күн бұрын

Fine, but don't complain if men don't see you as a suitable marriage partner.

@fatemad4012 Күн бұрын

No problem robot husband will fix the problem I am very feminine but I like musculine girl for friendship because they are the best one

@halbaloney4593 5 күн бұрын

Her "Everybody's perfect just the way they are" mindset falls flat when you're hungry in the wilderness. In a sense, we never left the wilderness, just modified it. And just as wilderness survival favors specific traits in men and women, so too does modern survival. It's hubris to pretend that all personalities are of equal value to humanity.

@Laughing_Individual 4 күн бұрын

Exactly. These feminists should keep the same energy when it comes to splitting the bill.

@Unknown-us3ii 4 күн бұрын

Exactly, if everybody is perfect just the way they are then she should now go for any man except for a "John" since they are all just perfect the way they are...

@StuJones-gn7te 2 күн бұрын

This kind of "everyone's perfect the way they are" never applies to men.

@nilathxayavong6057 4 күн бұрын

You can't make men desire something they do not if you want to be married and have children. this idea you can do it all and also have it all is wrong it is impossible. if it does happen it is very rare.

@pedrochavez6838 5 күн бұрын

I’m here because of. MHD. WAMR!!!

@OyVey- 4 күн бұрын

We are men ain’t we

@StuJones-gn7te 2 күн бұрын

Me too. I wanted to see how positive the comments were.

@Michael-yi6jp 3 күн бұрын

To all those that are trying to model her thinking and behavior or are just here to learn some English, be VERY CAREFUL about the message here, it will alter your future forever if you're not discerning enough. Go watch: This Is Why So Many Women Are Single by Courtney Ryan , it's a very good counter video for this particular Ted talk.

@lolondd 4 күн бұрын

Body language tells all. I always feel fishy about all these overconfident, over exaggerating persons.

@StuJones-gn7te 2 күн бұрын

No one can have anyone they want. No one can have it all. Life is a series of trade offs and consequences. You can have this or that. And each comes with these issues or problems. And you cannot control the feelings or thoughts of others. No one can.

@ducnguyen4083 Ай бұрын

So proud of the young generation of Vietnam. So ready and well-prepared to be a fully engaged global citizen.

@theadmiral4625 5 күн бұрын

LMFAOOOOOOO SHARE YOUR WIFE WITH ME BRO 💪🤣💪

@kurtvanluven9351 4 күн бұрын

How nice, the modern feudalism.

@Captain7484 3 күн бұрын

In doing so, Vietnam will lose the identity of what it means to be Vietnamese. It will become a poor clone of the West and will be saddled with Western problems that even the West is ill equipped to handle. Alternatively, I propose that Vietnamese people be unapologetically proud to be Vietnamese. This means upholding their traditional gender norms, culture, and way of life so as to ensure that they remain free from the external pressure lobbied upon them external sources.

@StuJones-gn7te 2 күн бұрын

Can't force men.

@MD-xf2qy 18 күн бұрын

I lived in Vietnam for 4 years. I love this country and people. Very smart, open minded, enthusiastic, hard working, welcoming and chill. Vietnamese girls are most feminine and beautiful women I have ever met. I also had 2 relationship with Vietnamese girls. They keep a lot of values since generations and i learned a lot from them. I miss Vietnam and my Vietnamese friends.

@thdjjfsfh Күн бұрын

From those words, I can safely say you were spending your time in southern Vietnam. Northern Vietnamese ladies are known for their stubbornness, not all obviously. Vietnam has one of the highest female CEOs and business owners. Vietnamese history also has a lot of women leaders. They are very capable, that's for sure.

@fatemad4012 Күн бұрын

@@thdjjfsfhthey have balance Both feminine and musculinity can create beautiful human traits

@MylezNevison 5 күн бұрын

Why can't we just say a person is being toxic, as opposed to blaming their toxicity masculinity or femininity? We don't have phrases like "toxic whiteness, toxic asexuality, toxic transexuality, toxic heterosexuality, or toxic Christianity, toxic Islam" etc... So why do we specifically have toxic masculinity and toxic femininity as phrases? It seems irrational to me. Perhaps someone can enlighten me.

@markaurelius61 5 күн бұрын

She is the only person who has used the concept of toxic femininity in a forum like this. Elsewhere it tends to be used just to highlight the vacuousness of the use of the word masculinity in the term toxic masculinity.

@Unknown-us3ii 4 күн бұрын

Because making it individual would then dictate that every individual is responsible and accountable for their actions, by making it into toxic femininity you divorce yourself from the responsibility of it and shift it to femininity itself. It's easier to avoid a problem by shifting it to someone or something else than confronting it head-on.

@chopperking1967 4 күн бұрын

Good question. Unfortunately the phrase Toxic Masculinity was created to try to manipulate and divide. It is far more of a negative value than positive or neutral.

@TheHabsification 3 күн бұрын

@@chopperking1967 The term Toxic Masculinity was created by psychologist to describe a type of extremely violent male behaviour exhibited in the US Prison system. It was primarily meant to be an academic term that was only used amongst academic circles. Some people caught wind of this term and then decided to mainstreamed it, without explaining what it means and what the origins were.

@StuJones-gn7te 2 күн бұрын

Toxic masculinity is now considered a psychological disorder. The term there encompasses (apparently) pretty everything that defined the masculine through most of human history: leadership, perseverance, stoicism, personal sacrifice, etc. The result is, any guy seeing a shrink will be told that everything he thinks, says or does is wrong. Most will probably leave after one session.

@thelostandfoundlamb Ай бұрын

oh my gosh i’m glad she’s talking about this

@theadmiral4625 5 күн бұрын

And she sounds utterly ‘TARDY LMFAOOOO 💩🤡

@virtual-viking 5 күн бұрын

It's perfectly fine for women to refuse to be feminine, as long as they're prepared to accept not being chosen by the men who are masculine. Both are manifestations of men's and women's collective biological preferences, and neither can be erased one gender not waning to compete in the mating market.

@TheFockerizer 2 күн бұрын

Yes so guys can better avoid girls like her and make her future left over women

@thanh4222 26 күн бұрын

I love this talk sm

@ZenitsuKunn 16 күн бұрын

The power of Perspective and Observation one was better

@dariaaa-ik5sy 24 күн бұрын

she's so strong and has good orator skills

@hienthu3204 Ай бұрын

hi vọng sẽ có một ngày được đứng trên sân khấu và thể hiện bản thân, hùng biện bằng tiếng anh quá

@khanhhuyen2876 Ай бұрын

Bạn nữ quá giỏi và tự tin❤

@lehavy7057 Ай бұрын

strong girl Nhu Y ❤🎉

@Irap777 Ай бұрын

this is truly one of the best videos i have seen on KZfaq so far. She is so well spoken and so confident. I hope she achieves great things in her life!

@theadmiral4625 5 күн бұрын

Yes so great no high value man will marry her lmfaoooooooo 💪🤣💪

@scottyhehehe5367 Күн бұрын

After watching, I can see why she is so confident: she makes up her own definitions for words and ideals. Life can be anything she wants. Unfortunately, most average people are't going to agree, because what she's saying is "I want to be a certain way, and you can't have anything bad to say about it, either."

@KingPorter 5 күн бұрын

@10:40, Yes, If that's what you choose for yourself that's fine. But, UNDERSTAND THE RESULTS OF YOUR DECISION WHEN THEY BEGIN TO BARE THE FRUIT OF THAT DECISION. YOU DON'T GET TO COMPLAIN WHEN YOU GET WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR. The bottomline is, that men don't chose that type of women to be with longterm if you choose to be that type of female. It is what it is!

@Captain7484 3 күн бұрын

The presuposition is that there are no consequences, individual or collective, involved with the choices one makes. Public perception is constant and if one chooses to deviate from social norms and expectations, there is a cost one must bear. This is why so many women enter the "left over" category and find it difficult to find male partners. Feminity is not defined by society, rather it is a universal set of innate characteristics that define the allure of the feminine mystique. Without it, the chastity, honor, and dignity of women are severely compromised. In this condition, women cease to weild the same power and influence by comparison and the social order of intersexual engagement breaks down. This is what we see happening in the West.

@scottyhehehe5367 Күн бұрын

EXACTLY!

@earthbind83 3 күн бұрын

If femininity can be anything you want, then I want the same to apply to masculinity, drizzle drizzle. If you refuse weight requirements then you don't get to have height requirements. If you refuse requirements of being soft and submissive then you don't get to have salary and status requirements.

@sloanna9088 27 күн бұрын

Why the speech don't have the script? 😢Well my Listening skill is quite poor so I wanna practice more. How I can ❤ Anyway, I love her speech ❤

@lehuynhthitruc2965 23 күн бұрын

Bạn vào phần mô tả và bấm vào "hiện bản chép lời" là có nha

@phong-wof 21 күн бұрын

Quá giỏi em ơi

@dodo_honey Ай бұрын

she is a good orator !

@Insomius123331 17 күн бұрын

In 2021, I watched her TikTok’s and suddenly she’s gone, now I know why (I was 12 and she was 14, she was my crush).

@ZenitsuKunn 16 күн бұрын

hoang?

@Insomius123331 16 күн бұрын

@@ZenitsuKunn Hoàng Như Ý, her name’s Ý.

@ThanhTruc-ux3ol 13 күн бұрын

Can you tell me what her account name is pls:3?

@Insomius123331 13 күн бұрын

@@ThanhTruc-ux3ol ys_myz nha bạn, nhưng h search thì toàn ra acc fake thôi do cj ấy dẹp tiktok r

@walterthesheep 22 күн бұрын

12 and she's speaking so confidently, such impressive!!

@thamle5425 22 күн бұрын

They mean year 12. Which means she’s a senior in highschool

@walterthesheep 22 күн бұрын

@@thamle5425ohh, thanks for letting mk

@myjuleka9903 27 күн бұрын

What a wonderful ted talk❤

@chopperking1967 4 күн бұрын

There is NO Right to be who you want to be, or be who you are, AND STILL get the things from other people you hope to. Life isn't a fairy tail. Young people should know you may have to make choices away from who you are to get what you want from another person. Said another way, being yourself won't likely get you all of what you want. Analyze what will get you what you want, then decide during your baby-steps of achieving your plan, know that compromises will often have to be made. You are entitled to nothing in this world. Being ENTITLED is a cancer that will keep you from being happy, and achieving what you want in life.

@user-vm5sf5ib6n Ай бұрын

It’s interesting because I have always been looked down upon for embracing more feminine traits in the professional world

@concheemsnon664 8 күн бұрын

That's why women get pay less than men. Since women can not get the job done.

@MylezNevison 5 күн бұрын

Looked down upon by who specifically? I find it hard to believe men would look down on you for embracing your femininity.

@neberboi 5 күн бұрын

@@MylezNevisonlooked down by other women due to their toxic feminity

@Laughing_Individual 4 күн бұрын

@MylezNevison she obviously means other women.

@duckyh9712 4 күн бұрын

Masculine energy is order and logic more useful in the work environment

@sinhle610 Ай бұрын

Amazing ❤❤❤

@occhidimatto 4 күн бұрын

It would be interesting know if "Jhon" attracted her for tipical masculine traits or not.

@lucasmoraes9170 Ай бұрын

this is so perfect

@Cloud-dl8kn Ай бұрын

Loved everything about this talk!

@theadmiral4625 5 күн бұрын

Do you love the RESULTS of this talk? ie being a forever cat lady? LMFAOOOOOO 💩🤡

@BusinessTradingDay Ай бұрын

This is such a great topic to talk about and her confidence and delivery is amazing

@themountain117 5 күн бұрын

It’s nonsense to say you can define what femininity is as an individual. Definitions matter. It’s not your truth there is only one truth 🤦‍♂️

@bestdjaf7499 5 күн бұрын

So never talk about Masculinity. Never expect Men to .... These are just stereotypes.

@scottyhehehe5367 5 күн бұрын

@@bestdjaf7499Of course you can talk about it and have expectations. A man's ability to fulfill expectations will determine his popularity on the "market". But not all men desire or are able to take on the responsibilities and expectations of the most successful men. That doesn't mean we don't encourage them to do better. Being lazy, unkempt, unemployed, broke, alone, depressed are not good things.

@bestdjaf7499 5 күн бұрын

@@scottyhehehe5367 No!! That is Sexist!!! Don't ever talk about men. It's a stereotype!! And I am tired of it!! If there is no Femininity there is no Masculinity!! Get over it.

@bestdjaf7499 5 күн бұрын

@@scottyhehehe5367 Btw, Why are you talking to me & not to the original post. If you want a debate talk to the original poster. I just agree. I guess, I am a real woman here.

@bestdjaf7499 5 күн бұрын

@@scottyhehehe5367 KZfaq keeps deleting my posts. I am just agreeing that there is no Femininity or Masculinity or Women or Men. No expectations. So it's all cool.

@user-bf3be6xz9o Ай бұрын

Yes❤🎉🎉🎉😊😊

@nguyenchautuan5874 14 күн бұрын

The confidence that she shows is a great sign that she isn't afraid of opening reality to the society.

@HeviltheDevil 4 күн бұрын

Maybe her mistake was in having the crush on John - she needs to find a guy who finds however she chooses to present as feminine.

@Unknown-us3ii 4 күн бұрын

Exactly! If you like John but he doesn't like you... move on to Jason, Jaden, Jullian, etc...

@concheemsnon664 3 күн бұрын

She should try dating Chads and Tyrone 😂😂

@taridean 2 күн бұрын

@@concheemsnon664 it's not a matter of her "trying" Chad and Tyrone. She most definitely will date them at some point. Women's nature coupled with the mentally she's talking about inevitably leads to choosing Chad & Tyrone.

@chopperking1967 4 күн бұрын

@ThuongHoai-ed9ut Ай бұрын

i need her ig

@chauthihongnguyen150 Ай бұрын

Brave girl ❤❤❤❤❤

@kennyhikes6944 Ай бұрын

Nghe tò mò muốn biết Thảo quá

@phamiep4210 29 күн бұрын

Amazing 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Love you❤❤❤❤

@19nguyenaimy74 Ай бұрын

❤❤❤ đỉnhhhhh

@nhahanngx Ай бұрын

💯💯💯

@Amyamybear Ай бұрын

Ủa Hello Hân kkk 🙆🏻‍♀️

@Borrelaas 5 күн бұрын

You go girl! Dont let society dictate your choices, and dont care about how others percieve you Society and my ex expects me to look after my child, but i dont conform to their standards, they try to force me into a toxic masculine gender role and i refuse that, and i dont want to consider my ex to weak to be the breadwinner for our child, she can do it, she is strong and independent

@cyberpatty9879 5 күн бұрын

yes! drizzle drizzle💦 if she can't take care of you and your child, you need to divorce her, get alimony and child support; then find someone better! dont settle for less, king!

@Borrelaas 5 күн бұрын

@@cyberpatty9879 Yaz King! Drizzle drizzle

@Laughing_Individual 4 күн бұрын

😂😂😂

@WrappedInPlasticine 5 күн бұрын

Ugh, such worn out arguments by feminism.

@thdjjfsfh Күн бұрын

Why are we redefining words? If you're a girl that isn't feminine, it's perfectly okay. Your parents should be okay with you not being feminine. It's okay for John not to like you because you're not. It sounds to me like you're bitter because John likes feminine girls so you want to redefine feminine to include you so you can get John. John happens to like characteristics that is defined by the word "feminine", if you change the definitition of the word, he'll just choose another word that describes his preference for women. It sounds like you just want to fit into society, but don't want to change so society must change to accommodate you. If you just stop caring about what other thinks, you'll be happier. You still won't get John though.

@marioride2447 5 күн бұрын

Bravo

@grabsmench Ай бұрын

nguyện làm nội trợ cho bạn

@flascheng3ist 4 күн бұрын

So wonderful speech. 🙂

@NicoBell-wh5yf 4 күн бұрын

40k?? - dont save her she dont wanna be saved🏳

@trucsss970 Ай бұрын

cool

@vietucvo5310 23 күн бұрын

ghét cách diễn đạt và ghét luôn cả chủ đề này, tội nghiệp cô bé còn nhỏ mà bị nhồi sọ.

@concheemsnon664 8 күн бұрын

Bác lói chuẩn nuôn

@colenoir8586 3 күн бұрын

I think she learned nothing from her experience. You can’t redefine language to absolve yourself of responsibility. Nor can you mandate what another person should be interested in or value. The simple reality is her characteristics or accomplishments weren’t appealing to that individual.

@teabaganyone7830 5 күн бұрын

please marry my son!

@snail1652 Ай бұрын

💅💅💅

@nilathxayavong6057 5 күн бұрын

meg march is more valued by men looking for wives and are still these days. Boss babes are annoying.

@KptnKMan360 20 сағат бұрын

She is a good speaker, but she speaks NOTHING about what toxic feminity is. She speaks about pressure and opinions from OTHER PEOPLE, but nothing about personal expression of women in negative ways, and that's predictable. She's missing the myriad ways that women express negative emotion towards men and each other, like reputation destruction being a chief example. When we speak about toxic masculinity, we speak about men's personal behaviour, like aggression, touching, and inappropriate behaviour. If you cannot discuss fairly, then this falls flat as a fantasy of "don't judge me". This is misleading and misdirection.

@croneyr 2 күн бұрын

This was well balanced. Good video. People need the freedom to be who they are. Just understand that some win the genetic lottery and will be classically masculine or classically feminine.

@dipendragahamagar2386 2 күн бұрын

brilliant speech

@rustyshackleford5166 5 күн бұрын

I really like those boots she's wearing. They are very cute on her. This is the first time I've seen a girl wear boots like that outside of anime. She seems very bright and talented and those are attractive and beautiful traits to have.

@VesSaphia Ай бұрын

True but aside from girls e.g. running in that dinosaur way, toxic femininity is an oxymoron, feminine can essentially only be positive or neutral, the antihesis of toxic masculinity. 11:23 This is why the behaviors referred to as toxic femininity are exhibited by men as well.

@MylezNevison 5 күн бұрын

Why can't we just say a person is being toxic, as opposed to blaming their toxicity on masculinity or femininity? We don't have phrases like "toxic whiteness, toxic asexuality, toxic transexuality, toxic heterosexuality, or toxic Christianity, toxic Islam" etc... So why do we specifically have toxic masculinity and toxic femininity as phrases? It seems irrational to me. Perhaps someone can enlighten me.

@905JimRaynor 5 күн бұрын

A.I. Women... Are Women. A.I. Is Coming...

@VesSaphia 5 күн бұрын

@@MylezNevison Because one is erroneously ascribed to femininity but is actually itself the evolutionary product of masculinity (more _paramasculine_ than _feminine),_ and the other ... is redundant. No one has witnessed pure femininity because half of us were domesticated, and we're all hybrid neph

@Unknown-us3ii 4 күн бұрын

Both toxic masculinity/femininity don't exist, these terms are created by toxic people who just wanna be toxic but want to shift the blame to masculinity or femininity... people can be toxic, period.

@aaronvector4750 3 күн бұрын

I bet most of this video's views came from Manosphere highlights. I also came from that MRA channel, and I have to say, the woman who spoke in the video told absolutely no lies. She spoke the truth whether feminists or red pill guys want to admit it or not, and I have to greatly commend her for that.

@concheemsnon664 3 күн бұрын

And proofs ? Dont just blindly state some bullshits This TED talk is nothing but LIES.