Toxic Shame

Рет қаралды 4,470

Жыл бұрын

Toxic Shame - with the help of Irene Cara's melodies...
🌟 BELIEVING ME - Audiobook NOW AVAILABLE:
US: www.audible.com/pd/B0BV8NX811...
UK: www.audible.co.uk/pd/B0BV8GBW...
DE: www.audible.de/pd/B0BV8VL4Q4/...
🌟 Free PDF of my Trauma Recovery Self-Care Toolbox www.ingridclayton.com/traumat...
🌟 Get your copy of BELIEVING ME www.amazon.com/Believing-Me-H...
🌟 Follow me here on KZfaq and on Instagram / ingridclaytonphd
Editing Service:
www.jamesrara.com/
Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a clinical psychologist, trauma therapist and trauma survivor speaking on the intersection of Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma. She combines her personal experiences of childhood trauma with her clinical background to educate others on trauma responses, trauma bonding, trauma reenactment and more.
She is the author of BELIEVING ME: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma.
www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0B...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

Пікірлер: 42

@effentjes Жыл бұрын

My goodness. This is like a punch in my stomach. I am a recently licensed therapist, at the ripe age of 62, and never thought of myself as having CPTSD until recently when I started to connect the dots. My question is how to "feel" and "own" this stuff? Since I started working with a therapist to explore and "do my own work, "I am in an intermittent state of hyper arousal. It's stirring everything up, and I feel it in my sessions as well. The only time I ever feel relaxed is when I have a cold. A bit strange, but I like having a cold.

@journeytomyself17 Жыл бұрын

It is not strange at all. When the body is sick, the ANS gets in shutdown to preserve the energy and this feels like a relief after staying in activation for so long. Check Somatic Experiencing and Polyvagal Theory, help me a lot

@tabithab33 Жыл бұрын

💜💜💜🕊️

@ShannonV78 Ай бұрын

Omg your shame parody in the beginning was the best!!!

@michaelstapelberg7751 Жыл бұрын

Yup their favorite phrase.. "whats wrong with you!" !!

@germz1986 Жыл бұрын

Hello from Trinidad and Tobago

@TheBlondiekitten Жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙏🏼 😊 xxxx

@michaelstapelberg7751 Жыл бұрын

to be honest you seem so confident and positive.. i am perplexed how you could ever have been controlled.. Oh i dont doubt it.. but you seem so amazingly in control.. inspirational.. I am barely free from it!

@karenlewkowitz5858 Жыл бұрын

Odd thing - photos reveal my state: anxious, puffed eyelids, small, tense smile - my face puffs up to hide within. Happy pics: show a fresh, open, happy expression.

@saalexmarinkovic4948 Жыл бұрын

I am absolutely surprise that at my age 51, the shame is clearly explained to me and where was coming from. I did not know that my emotion was shame all these years. Only I knew anger but under control, taking care to never express publicly even in my family. WTF.

@hombao Жыл бұрын

I just discovered, with the help of a therapist, that I was a victim of narcissistic abuse in my childhood. I'm still trying to process it, identify and understand how it has impacted me even now. I still feel the shame, as if I'm not a "real" trauma survivor, the guilt and embarrassment of not recognizing it sooner, and the inadequacy of feeling like not a whole person with a strong sense of self. Thank you for this video and shining a light on these feelings from such a personal perspective. I can't wait to read your book! 💕

@tarasierralee Жыл бұрын

I went through this in 2020 at age 55. The shame of not feeling like a "real trauma survivor" is FINALLY starting to subside. There are so many things that have helped, including Dr Clayton's wise words, but the single best thing I did was to find self-compassion (check out Kristin Neff). You're not alone. There are many of us on this journey.

@lisalambert81865 Жыл бұрын

OMG me too, always on guard it’s taken me years to relax but only when I’m alone, still not so much around people.

@iw9338 Жыл бұрын

Wonderful, im crying as i hear my story. Thanks very much. Starting your book today.

@myportal8512 Жыл бұрын

The beginning was tacky. I like it.

@Woodlandstoneworks Жыл бұрын

Ugh such challenging stuff, so glad you’re here!

@elisakldzj Жыл бұрын

I feel that shame has been my fuel for doing all my life. Shaming me was how my parents got me to do anything so now I’m kinda re-enacting and doing things that make me feel shame. I’m addicted to shame 😮

@tabithab33 Жыл бұрын

Oof😢!!! Feel this absolutely while being aware while trying to overcome while living with half of it… while being while setting boundaries while not performing/ playing my role ( people pleasing) ahhhh!!!and fighting it STILL in the ‘game’ of family dynamics ( scapegoat survivor/ surrogate parent combo of a mess).😢 Denial vs reality is a very imperative part in it ALL. The HERE is not heard in this, no matter how long or loud we scream 😣💜🤦‍♀️

@donnellallan Жыл бұрын

This is just the message I needed to hear this morning. I woke up in that feeling of needing to disappear and you reminded me where that was coming from. You give me hope that maybe I really can live contentedly in the present. I am so glad that your book is on the way to my house. Thank you, thank you. 💜

@asta155 Жыл бұрын

Two years ago I found with the help of my current therapist that my mother has the narcissistic behavior, the thing you say it's what happened. since I was 5 years old till 40 I was stuttering, now I think it was a coping mechanism to fear, I didn't want to speak and be heard

@thesehandsart Жыл бұрын

OMG, I am working on not planning. Not planning what I would say in response to them, how I will act, what I will do, how to feel... It's exhausting and I try to catch myself and tell myself that I'm ok to respond in the moment despite what they have told me my entire life. And by the way I loved the creativity of your "shame!" song and woman you can sing!

@BobbiGail Жыл бұрын

If I don't plan my response, I will accidently confront the narcisist with very bad results. I have to plan to gray rock and stick to it.

@starseermysteries 10 ай бұрын

Thank you for your clarity from a therapy perspective. I had a similar realization about hyper-vigilance the other day as I was watching a hornet fly around my room for half an hour, feeling like I couldn't take my eyes off of it to go get the hornet killer...I was like, "hmmm.. how much of my life have I been just been tuning into the next moves of hornets to not get stung? I should leave this room and go stare at the trees & find some peace. The hornet will probably end up killing itself trapped in this room."

@aseelaladwan3869 7 ай бұрын

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

@an_shpiruk Жыл бұрын

I found you accidentally on Instagram. And it was so helpful to see that I am not alone in something similar to my case. Everything that you said resonates in me like crazy. I am not sure that my parents were narcissists, but somehow I feel that I was traumatised. Before, I would go into denial, saying, no, you had a great childhood, they didn’t beat you like others families do. But I was ignored, I had this constant fear if I will be the first one to blame, if I need to think what to say and better not to say anything at first place. And now, I am 28yo and I have huge emotional crisis as I don’t know who I am, i am blaming myself and demand from myself more and more, and do not see the future for myself. Your story gives me hope and strength to go foreard in my therapy. Thank you for your work!❤

@Polina-hn7hu Жыл бұрын

Sounds like u ge experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN) which is hard to identify as something gets commited by omission as opposed to something happening to u. The things we needed but didnt get growing up on a chronical basis leave bigger impact than a one time off accute trauma. Check out "running on empty" its the 1st book written on it.

@lionra4523 10 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@schill-hr8xf Жыл бұрын

Wondering about the "fight" response in fight or flight.

@yukio_saito Жыл бұрын

I've just ordered the book "Believing me." Looking forward to reading the book.

@PriyankaBaranwal Жыл бұрын

It's heartbreaking and soul touching at the same time. I'm reading it too.

@bettyboop6292 Жыл бұрын

Finding YOUR voice. Remember, clarification to my sister. I'm Not a victim...I'm a survivor. Silent...

@angelakh4147 Жыл бұрын

You know. You know exactly how I feel. You perfectly describe the parts of the downward spiral until I get to the place where disappearing is the only answer. I have longed more times than I could possibly count to simply evaporate into thin air… and then felt the overwhelming shame and disgust because I couldn’t. I had to just be there and suffer. You get it. And you describe it exactly. A couple of days ago I realized that the negative cognition that has run my life was my mother’s own words, “I never intended to have children. You were a mistake.” I was surprised to realize that I believed that to the core of my being. Everything in my life has been about either disproving that or accepting it as fact. Ugh. Thank you for helping me get there. Now on to the work of unpacking that.

@PriyankaBaranwal Жыл бұрын

Your honesty and the courage that brings it forth is soul strengthening. I bought ur ebook and m through 3 chaps already. Its a book that every single person should read, traumatised or otherwise, because in order to be who we are, we have to learn who we are not supposed to be. Amazing writing and narrative style! This video also hits home !!

@skywalktriceiam Жыл бұрын

Thank you💜

@BionicLegg Жыл бұрын

I do identify with this video! It took me a long time to get through it because I had to keep pausing, going back and watching again parts of it to hear and understand what you were saying. Thank you for your channel and your new book! I am reading it now!

@theologytherapist Жыл бұрын

I love how deeply you dove into this topic and shared your experiences. This topic will be so helpful for so many!

@KA-vr4uu Жыл бұрын

Your analysis is excellent. The examples you offer, make it so easy for me to relate them to my own experiences.

@jeannefarrar621 Жыл бұрын

Thank you, Dr. Clayton.

@saalexmarinkovic4948 Жыл бұрын

Bravo.

@iamintentional Жыл бұрын

Yes.

@user-sk5mv4mz2s 5 ай бұрын

i grew up with a lot of shame and have had relationships with avoidant people of various degrees... ive been in psychotherpay for a long time and i feel like im on the path of serious healing by ending a very weird relationship...it was very hard for me to end it. anyway what i wanted to ask is that i believe i have toxic shame....but not bc of me being in a narcissitic family...more that there was a lot of chaos due to my mother being quite emotionally unstable...so i kind of wanted to help her and calm her down...i always was the one apologizing and generally my parents would fight and then be very well constanlty and this caused me a lot of constant anxiety and a lot of shame bc the neighbours could listen.... so i guess you can have toxic shame from other situations as well? my mother was kind of like a friend and a mother sometimes...