Markiplier 2012: “I’m king of the squirrels!” Markiplier 2022: Incompetent duck general.

"The universe is littered with the corpses of your mistake" In War with Markiplier confirmed.

6:28 Action man who's action man... OMG NO IT'S JOHN WICK

Watching a man play with ducks for 20 minutes is perfect

The battlefield is littered with the consequences of your mistakes Mark. You sent these ducks to die. They had families, children even. Your misjudgment as a general, and your sheer inability to play RTS has sent all of these ducks to their doom. The battlefield is coated with their scarlet stained feathers, the few survivors of the zombie war will never recover Mark. What have you done

Whoever came up with the voice lines for the ducks needs a raise immediately.

"Fight like your life depends on it, which it do" Most inspiring speech I have ever and will ever hear

21:15 Curiosity killed the ducks - General Quackiplier

Mark is such a brilliant strategist. His tactical genius is so brilliant in fact that even his enemies are confused of his display of utterly disasterous incompetence when it comes to strategy.

Alternate title: Mark being in denial about his duck army's inadequacy

The tesla ducks almost look like they are trying to spell out something on a large scale as they explode into bits. 😢

Imagine taking a walk in a beautiful green field. Peace and comfort as you walk. Suddenly, you hear the thunderous smacks of webbed feet, 10s of 1000s of them. You turn around and see ducks waddling to you, with their horrifying cries of “don’t make me come over there!” You know this is the end, but in a measly attempt of freedom, you run to the closest grocery store. All you think is, “I’m gonna need a hell of a lot of bread.” Beautiful.

6:29 "Action man-?Who the hell is that-Oh my god, no, it's John Wick."

I wonder what goes through lixian’s mind when he sees the unedited footage of mark talking to himself in the beginning of every video

There's this thing in RTS's called 'Attack Move'. It's different than normally moving a unit somewhere, because it makes them attack whatever other enemy unit they come across along the way. If you used 'Attack Move' instead of 'Move', they wouldn't have just gone to one place & stayed there

0:40 Dude that is some elite foresight and editing by mark and lixian, so good

I'm learning it's TECHNICALLY possible for the world to be taken over by a massive Duck army

"No one shall remember their deed for history is written by the victors" is such a raw fucking line to come from a battle with ducks and chickens

Mark: *Knows that blood can form a river in this game Also Mark: 33:15 "Woah they have water physics in this game!" O...okay Markimoo 😂

Mark: lixian add your own music Lixian: I’ll call my pocket orchestra

Has anyone done the Markiplier: "I'm not a masochist" Also Markiplier: I will pick the winner by how hurt my feelings are! Yet

13:58 An analysis of Mark's battle strategy… After an in depth analysis of this video and even more Mark’s request I needed inspiration to critique his battle style. I decided to turn to Sun Tzu’s The Art Of War. After reading cover to cover I found numerous incompetent misjudgment, and impulsive stupidity. Starting with basic formation strategies, and planning. Mark chose a “block” or “in line” formation to attack. This is most commonly recognizable from the civil war or pre modern warfare. Best for ranged attacks with non fully automatic rifles to simulate rapid fire by having each line of soldiers take turns firing, and ducking down to reload. However Mark selected this for a mass Guerilla melee warfare which quite frankly is an affront to the god of war Athena. Not only was it luck based it relied on strength with troops who had everything but. His duck platoon had higher attack rate, better concealment ability, and even moderately comparable speed. A better tactic would have been a distraction of about 10% of his troops in a reverse arrow formation to surround the block formation of the zombie horde. Along the distance to the battle use 30% for scattered ambushes, formatted to isolate, and execute small clusters of zombies, all groups holding parts of 50% as backup for each group to take out any following zombies who might have seen the ambush Once the numbers have been weakened and the horde is close enough to the 10% have what remains of the 70% ambush teams to flank the horde, with the last 20% funneling the sides out to flatten, and divide the hoard. This will take advantage of the duck’s numbers, and most valuable physical assets. Next is the war of the mind. This is an easy win as zombies already lack brain function, and ducks are known to be smarter, and more intuitive than most water dwelling birds. This allows for better local and on the fly strategy not to mention being “battle ducks” it implies previous field training. The zombies will be over confident seeing a lone horde of ducks secretly amassing only 10% of the duck’s full forces. Even more a conflict of emotion will befall the hordes as some worry about their slowly decreasing number while those closer to the center maintain confidence allowing for them to fall into the trap like lemmings. A divide of panic and overconfidence will brew to cause internal conflicts being waged on top of the slaughter that will befall the poor zombie hordes. This strategy titans over Mark's pitiful strategy of… Jack shit. He showed his weakness in leadership upfront with formation giving the zombies righteous confidence as they rush a block of weak and defenseless ducks with no plan. The best strategy was the predictable “flank em” maneuver that was not pre planned, and was never even fully completed resulting in an absolute atrocity of war strategy that I was offended by just watching. Please mark. Never join the military. You are a danger to your platoon, squadron, or otherwise. Before someone says something, this was written as a joke, just for fun.

Maybe you should lead for the team that you want to lose

*looking down and sad* "Ma, we lost Jerry in the great Duck vs Persian war." *Looks up and happy* "But we did win!"

“Ultimate epic battle simulator 2” Alternate title: *Markiplier mass murdering ducks for 37 minutes straight*

Mark's incompetence in RTS has been a perfect example of Sun Tzu's divide and conquer, except applied to his singular braincell. He divided... and his enemies conquered. Mark's feathery friends relied on him, trusted him and he let them down in the worst possible way... namely, that Mark only supplied each duck with a foam helmet. Mark could have trained the ducks in combat, but instead he attempted to Miyagi them by showing them the kungfu in their every day lives... By making them think that pecking toes is a viable combat technique. Mark, are you ashamed of yourself? You thought ducks could win against egg laying hens, despite hens outweighing ducks by 3 pounds. You underestimated the sheer rage and violence of chickens and it cost the lives of hundreds of brave ducks.

8:30 She: Don't cry, this is just a video game! Me: *cries

6:29 HE SAID THE THING HE SAID THE THING

"These brave ducks, waddling straight into the face of death. No one shall remember their deeds, for history is written by the victors"

Mark literally chose the worst possible matchups for those poor ducks lol. The reaction to him realizing that he'd matched them up against John Wick was great

I love how mark just straight up abuses his power with Lixian and it’s the funniest thing I have ever seen 😂

25:58 Mark definitely put it wrong 😅 It's vice-versa, the Battle Ducks should be were the Persians are.

The truly incredible tactics and feats of General Duckiplier: Somehow getting himself outflanked and surrounded while attempting to flank zombies, Ordering ducks to attack tanks, deploying 1000000 ducks on a mountainside only for half of them to fall to their death before the battle begins, and by far his greatest accomplishment, removing the ducks and becoming god to smite the enemies himself.

These brave Ducks will forever be remembered for their part in the “Battle of Waddling” 🦆

17:29 Mark: trying to sound sad and all. me: To protect the world of devisation......... If you get it you get it

(In Duckville) "Daddy are you gonna come back home?" "Yes honey I'll be back"

"These ducks will know true victory." - Surprisingly not the weirdest thing I've heard this man say. Lixian.. Nice music choices, dude.

I didn't expect to see scenic shots of ducks being slaughtered, but shit it looks pretty awesome

I bet the battlefield after the battle ducks vs Tesla smelled delicious

Mark, you failed once you enlisted into the Duckforce. Plenty of troops had heard of the infamously masochistic general whose lack of adhd medicine and obsession with winning led to the now-extinct squirrel squadrons’s defeat during the Fite of ‘87.

The ducks have lost so many. Fathers, mothers, children, all lay dead, never to lay again. All thanks to you.

23:27 does mark know that the Spartans lost the battle of Thermopylae to the Persians?

Mark: gives ducks numerical advantage Also Mark: Uses no numerical advantage tactics

"no one shall remember their deeds, for history is written by the victors." damn thats a hard ass quote

"I'm going to let this run for a bit" *builds a dam out of corpses containing a waist-deep lake of blood*

Someone sees a blood lake:"i am about to puke" Markiplier sees a blood lake:" that's pretty cool"

“Lixian add your own music” “I’ll call my orchestra =-=“ Fucking DESTROYED me 🤣

A huge flock of ducks in helmets running at me yelling “don’t make me come over there” is 100% not where I thought I was going to be today

"Let's see what kind of chaos I can cause when given a modicum of power." -spends an hour calling the honor of ducks into question before going on a superhuman genocidal rampage and then flooding the earth to cover it up.

Can I just say lixian’s choice of music is perfect

The Army of Chuck Noreye killed me....laughed so hard 🤣

1,716,577 ducks died under General Markiplier’s command in the great duck wars that only lasted 40 minutes What a tragic waste of ducky life Note: this is assuming all ducks present died when he quit early abandoning the ducky massacres and counting all that actually died during the battle that the ducks won Note 2: that is a rate of 42,915 ducks/second

I love how the ducks have the numerical advantage but Mark makes sure to negate that with the formation and placement

29:20 Oh my God, they're attacking at such speed that you can't actually see it 😂

6:29 oh my god no, its john wick...

Mark: “This one’s alive, keep pecking little buddy” Duck: “QUACK!” Mark: “Oh!” Duck: Dead

"Noone shall remember their deeds for history is written by the victors" -Markiplier 220 b.C.

8:49 he definitely got ptsd

Lixian needs a raise for videos like this

"Duckmaster, they have us outnumbered three to one" "Then it is an even fight"

Mantis Shrimp are actually terrifying in reality. They literally punch their prey to death. The speed of their punch is comparable to that of a bullet leaving the barrel of a gun. It creates so much friction in the water, it makes bubbles.

“To protect the world from zombie infestation. To unite all ducks within our nation”.

The ducks knew they were fucked, yet they still charged

Lixian's "I'll call my orchestra" got me good. He's seriously one of the best editors, if not the best editor, on KZfaq.

Fun fact about the mantis shrimp IRL: it has the strongest punch (in proportion to its size) of the entire animal kingdom. Its punching arm accelerates about as fast a .22 caliber bullet. Imma do some math here, for fun. The punch it delivers has about 1.5 kN of force behind it, and it weighs up to 90 grams. The average human weighs 62 kg, which is 688 times as much. That means that if humans could punch as hard as mantis shrimps, we would be able to deliver punches with about 1 MN, or 1000 kN, or 1.000.000 newton of force. That's enough to punch a rocket into space. Not sure it would get there in one piece, but that's a problem for later

Can we just appreciate the fact that this game runs so much better than the first? the game wouldve easily run at 1 fps if there were 100k units on a map, nevermind double that amount

Lixian's face when he upped the intensity of the orchestra was great

Mark out here perfectly impersonating real military generals "oh woe is me, all these hundreds of thousands sent to die for no reason but I will pretend it was for a cause THEY BELIEVED IN and I am so sad"

“I have a funny feeling mantis shrimp also have a ranged attack.” *Laughs in terrifying bullet punch strength*

4:02 im gonna start crying holy shit

You know donald duck had enough of your shit and is pissed off when he sends 100000 of his brothers after you XD

I literally laughed out loud when Lixian "threw" the thumbnail into Mark's head. Like, I love the working relationship these two dorks have with each other. It cracks me up and makes me very happy

Mark: "I'm not a masochist" Also Mark: "Hurt me in the comments below"

Markiplier watching ducks explode against all odds: *Ooh, Ahh…*

the john wick clip kills me every time 😭

Why did that feel genuinely satisfying to see "Battle Ducks won". It was like seeing a kid ride their bike on two wheels for the first time

Mark: *Looks at Ducks* Mark: “Why are they just sitting there!” My Brain: *sitting ducks*

18:52 the ducks nearly won during your speech they took out half the zombies.

I’m pretty sure the Persians won the battle of Thermopylae 23:44

Mark: I'm sorry ducks I'm just curious what a full auto Sherman does The Sherman: 'a literature wall of fire and steel'

21:15 Marks horrified shock at the ducks vanishing in a wave of tank muzzle flashes is amazing like a man realizing a truth he’s know for so long is so effortlessly debunked

I have a strat: imidietly spead that ducks devideing them into 3 divisions, the rush, the first parenthisis flank, and the second paranthisis flank, and then the parenthsis shaped flank with 30% on each flank will halp even the playing feild and basically make it impossible for the zombies to flank from the said and be forced to battle out there way backward and when they do that make the 2 parenthsis close in while the rest of the 80% of the rush squad at the frontlines rushes them and overwhlems them, this is a sortof close-in-and-rush type stratigy, I dont know if it will work, but it is worth a try!

The strategy he tried to do with the Persians like Thermopylae is like the only strategy that give the Persians the advantage... Slow clap but high admiration for general Markiplier 😂🤣

Markiplier: "I will invade the world.... one peck at a time."

Let's all take a moment to appreciate lixians beautiful compositions of battle music

I’d love to see Nikolaev’s Tesla use a lightning gun to shoot thousands of ducks with moonlight sonata echoing in the background in real life.

alternate title: 37 minutes and 28 seconds of ducks with helmets getting demolished while the general sits back and records it for content, makes humorous commentary and films closeups of his men exploding into a cloud of feathers while laughing nervously.

I love when Mark 'talks' to Lixian, because editing it must be so awkward. Because I just imagine Lixian answering his questions as he edits.

Lixian going nuts with his orchestra at the beginning made me laugh so hard. His expressions never get old

This day, over 430.000 ducks have died in the cruel battles of Markiplier. It will never be forgotten in history.

Markiplier: “Those duck’s deserve to have there own leader.” Also Mark: “Could I be the most neglect leader?”

Fun Fact : The Impact Force of a Mantis Shrimp's Punch is Roughly Equal to that of a .22 Caliber Bullet from a Pistol. The Punch is so hard in fact, that it BOILS The Sea Water surrounding The Shrimp's Claw. [5:37]

I cried at the sad story of those ducks. God bless those geese. Their bravery shall be remembered forever

Mark: I'm the worst general ever! Field marshall Hague: *laughing in passchendaele*

It didn't register in my head what Mantis Shrimp were, until i saw them. They're the ones capable of punching at super speed, faster than a bullet, and can boil water around them.

F for all fallen duck comrades.

F For the brave ducks

THE DUCKS ARE ALWAYS SUPERIOR, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES THEY FAIL, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES IT'S BEEN PROVEN WRONG, THE DUCKS ARE ALWAYS SUPER *Salutes to the duck army*

Mark: "All the ways I did wrong" Well you see... it all started from the time he chose to use ducks as an army

Alternate title: Mark spends 37 minutes slaughtering ducks for fun and profit F