Ultimate Sexual Fantasies | Jimmy Carr: In Concert

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4 жыл бұрын

Has anyone got an ultimate sexual fantasy they wouldn't mind admitting to? Let us know in the comments. Mine's your mum.
Taken From Jimmy Carr’s In Concert
To watch the full special - • Jimmy Carr: In Concert...
Live from London's Bloomsbury Theatre (in 2008, when it was filmed): Jimmy Carr: In Concert features over 90 minutes of material that's too rude for TV.
The Official Channel for the biggest face in British comedy (literally the biggest face - it's like the moon.)
For the latest tour dates and tickets: www.jimmycarr.com/live/
#JimmyCarr #Comedy #StandUp

Пікірлер: 396

@A_J_Gaming83 4 жыл бұрын

Jimmy sees the line, He approaches it, He steps over it, And he runs a mile. 😂😂😂👍👍

@alinalobova1001 3 жыл бұрын

*Only 18* 👇👇👇 384832.loveisreal.ru

@Nergal_Slayer 3 жыл бұрын

Lol

@DustinIsDriving 4 жыл бұрын

“Is that your girlfriend... I’m not gonna swap with that” 🔥🔥

@donwanna3906 4 жыл бұрын

"I'm not going to swap if that's okay." O.O

@mikeymcmikeface5599 4 жыл бұрын

I thought the hand gesture was extraneous. Would most people have not gotten it otherwise? Should be obvious he'd be using his hands after that because she ain't putting out...

@donwanna3906 4 жыл бұрын

@@mikeymcmikeface5599 Yeah, seems he could have done without that.

@halht5819 4 жыл бұрын

“have her washed and brought to my room”

@joperhop 4 жыл бұрын

Aegon the unworthy?

@irw4350 4 жыл бұрын

you NEVER wash a menstruating lady - just whip out the tampon & dive right in there - shaven or not...mmmmm

@petermyers479 4 жыл бұрын

halht 58 never mind. Don’t wash her.

@EthanAndViolaVlogs 3 жыл бұрын

“I’m joking... don’t wash her.”

@eagertube8161 3 жыл бұрын

I joking don’t wash her

@katyb6979 4 жыл бұрын

Quality! The way he can think of a hilarious quip on the spot and fire it straight back is brilliant 👏

@VictoriaSobocki 4 жыл бұрын

He is super fast

@efisgpr 4 жыл бұрын

What an amazing smile. :) Oh...yeah...and I agree.

@katyb6979 4 жыл бұрын

neosapiens Jimmy's? Aye he's one mint dude. Needs to ditch his missus tho 😜

@Cdre_Satori 4 жыл бұрын

Any comedian is better than your average heckler joe. Think about it, you are paying to see him, he is getting paid to look at you.

@katyb6979 4 жыл бұрын

Satori sama Yeah, and you're missing the point like a blunt pencil. How many times do you think of a brilliant comeback 5 minutes later? Under pressure, he can do it on the spot.

@flyboymike111357 4 жыл бұрын

Hasn't anyone ever questioned why we started dressing schoolgirls up like Scottish men in the first place?

@decodolly1535 4 жыл бұрын

Wonderful, just wonderful 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Fr33Zone 4 жыл бұрын

nailed it!

@Shaun.Stephens 4 жыл бұрын

It's because of the US porn industry.

@flyboymike111357 4 жыл бұрын

@@Shaun.Stephens School uniforms were a thing before the porn industry. Porn parodies school uniforms, schools don't make their uniforms based off porn.

@Psychology_529 4 жыл бұрын

Tradition

@IlariVallivaara 4 жыл бұрын

A missed one: "It will be a minotaur... and there's the Viking helmet for you!"

@1Chasg 4 жыл бұрын

Minotaurs are from Greek Mythology though....

@tompugh5566 4 жыл бұрын

@@1Chasg it's a joke about horns 😂

@sadstormtrooper 4 жыл бұрын

Jimmy was brutal with the roasts in this one 😂

@binyd4 4 жыл бұрын

his jokes are like drawing pictures in my head...

@FerdinandCesarano 4 жыл бұрын

Jimmy is such a great ad-libber. He's just brilliant.

@NewMessage 4 жыл бұрын

Two women at the same time means two disappointed women I have to cuddle with afterwards. No thanks.

@trentrubenacker9718 4 жыл бұрын

2 women at the same time sounds great. Someone for my girlfriend to talk to when I'm done.

@jose_s_bam7938 4 жыл бұрын

you can always pay them to leave. You're welcome.

@MichaelM28 4 жыл бұрын

Trent Rubenacker You stole that from Jimmy

@ThomasDoubting5 4 жыл бұрын

Pmsl 😂

@Akemi001 3 жыл бұрын

You know if you pay the hookers they leave, right?

@StanSwan 4 жыл бұрын

Paul McCartney will always be a leg up on his ex wife.

@tinbanger66 3 жыл бұрын

And in divorce court, still holding her prosthetic, "You don't have a leg to stand on!"

@warren52nz 4 жыл бұрын

*Sheer brilliance!!! To be hilarious with random material thrown up by the audience takes a real talent that most comedians would probably struggle with. Well done Jimmy!!!*

@zdave6083 4 жыл бұрын

Seriously..? Too much credit. Maybe you're too slow to make these kind of comebacks but even the average comedian has got to be ready for them .

@warren52nz 4 жыл бұрын

@@zdave6083 Well maybe but I doubt it. 27 people agree with me so far. 😎

@stevenporter863 2 жыл бұрын

Assuming the 'random' comments weren't staged

@warren52nz 2 жыл бұрын

@@stevenporter863 Of course. I doubt it though. I think he's just heard virtually everything and is prepared.

@stevenporter863 2 жыл бұрын

@@warren52nz I doubt he prepared for every imaginable 'random' response. At his level most likely placed people to ask specific questions and others to laugh inviting the crowd to do so too - like a professional hype man at a concert.

@jamesa7506 4 жыл бұрын

"You don't ask you don't get. "

@tinbanger66 3 жыл бұрын

Squeaky wheel gets the oil.

@raven_of_zoso455 4 жыл бұрын

Necrophilia has sadly become a lost discipline it seems. I blame the school system, and the pc media.

@StefanTravis 4 жыл бұрын

You're flogging a dead...erm, nevermind.

@ForiamSmarticuz 4 жыл бұрын

Always guaranteed sex with a corpse. Dead girls don’t say no.

@irw4350 4 жыл бұрын

that's one body of opinion

@Shaun.Stephens 4 жыл бұрын

I used to be a necrophiliac until my girlfriend split.

@Jamie-ld2to 4 жыл бұрын

@@StefanTravis for a while it'll be pumping with blood thats techniacally alive

@wttao39 4 жыл бұрын

No matter how many times I watch your material I can't stop laughin!!! Brilliant comebacks, High quality dark, offensive Humor and to the point!!! Bless you heart Jimmy Carr. Be always Well!!!

@DarkAuraLord 4 жыл бұрын

I love his style so much, it almost reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield. He just hits with these fast punchlines back to back and it's awesome.

@94110mission 4 жыл бұрын

I just recently stumbled across Jimmy Carr on Netflix. I’m an American and had never heard of him before. What a surprise! I really like this guy. I like his topics; I like his delivery. He makes me laugh. I put him right up there with Dave Chapelle and they are totally different stand ups.

@grimweaper5337 4 жыл бұрын

The guy who said “school girl” is a PE teacher at my old secondary school😳

@bickie8961 4 жыл бұрын

I’m guessing he never complained about skirt length

@udaysingh-wr2kw 4 жыл бұрын

Any proof

@udaysingh-wr2kw 4 жыл бұрын

Cause its hard to believe by only reading

@VictoriaSobocki 4 жыл бұрын

uday singh It is the Internet after all

@natl5692 4 жыл бұрын

Oh that's ironical

@josephl447 4 жыл бұрын

You don't go to a Jimmy Carr gig to not mention Jimmy's girlfriend

@user-kt1nx3tq2c 4 жыл бұрын

Sneaking in first, seriously thou praise to you Jimmy for uploading all these hd clips

@definesigint2823 4 жыл бұрын

I totally expected Jimmy to bridge the viking helmet and Minotaur but that would've been easy. Instead, he continued razing the audience and (since that's why I watch him) it was far more satisfying. Nice work.

@mcarr3492 4 жыл бұрын

You are brilliant, hope I’ll catch your show next time I’m in London.

@HusseinAli-7610 4 жыл бұрын

I don't think that there is a better comedian than Jimmy he is really brilliant

@SteCollects 4 жыл бұрын

Frankie boyle/lee evans

@No_OneV 4 жыл бұрын

This made my day :D

@criticalbill2090 4 жыл бұрын

If I ever decide to embark on a career in stand-up comedy, I want Jimmy Carr to be my Yoda

@vinnyreed723 4 жыл бұрын

You might need to get Frankie Boyle as well

@kickbiker7920 4 жыл бұрын

I love these comic espressos. Thanks for going to the trouble of compiling these vignettes. They're brill!

@kickbiker7920 4 жыл бұрын

@@ambitionsskyyyy ?

@ICEMAV114 3 жыл бұрын

Well... maybe we can double team her! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@mr.phasfun6044 4 жыл бұрын

This man is so crisp....on point.....

@BrokeCanadian 4 жыл бұрын

Mine's Jimmy Carr.

@shaileshrana7165 4 жыл бұрын

The south will rise again, eh?

@eternalmiasma5586 4 жыл бұрын

That profile pic tho, are you a comedian

@vincentkennedymcmahon514 4 жыл бұрын

He is so sharp and on point

@bennevis6843 4 жыл бұрын

Joe rogan said American comedians are way ahead of everyone else lol jimmy is elite compared to joe rogan

@eternalmiasma5586 4 жыл бұрын

Both countries are great

@bennevis6843 4 жыл бұрын

Sempre Flamengo name a good American comedian ?

@bennevis6843 4 жыл бұрын

Sempre Flamengo Stewart lee is garbage

@antred11 4 жыл бұрын

@Sempre Flamengo Most American comedians barely deserve to be called comedians (there are some notable exceptions).

@Anonyomus 4 жыл бұрын

@@bennevis6843 George Carlin, Bill Burr, Bill Hicks, Dave Chappelle, Steven Wright, Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, Mitch Hedberg etc. to name a few. British comedians are best at sitcoms and comedy shows, but in stand up they're challenging to get into. American comedians show their style very quickly and you will know after joke or two that are you going to like them or not.

@emagneticfield 4 жыл бұрын

Extremely funny.

@mikeymcmikeface5599 4 жыл бұрын

This was a good one.

@jeffreydaniel1550 4 жыл бұрын

This guy is funny AF!

@Lb_Collects 4 жыл бұрын

tbf don't think theres anything wrong with roleplay like teacher and student, adds fun, plus its not like you get those feelings outside the bedroom, I think its fine tbh :)

@josephbrennan1344 2 жыл бұрын

You're address?

@tedytarrify 3 жыл бұрын

The epitome of the statement 'yeah I went there'

@D50Music 2 жыл бұрын

I am an idiot for not checking you out before, I like you 😂

@pauldavidson8800 4 жыл бұрын

He was brutal here. At his best.

@dylanhunley13 Жыл бұрын

6:03 I'm crying.

@RiderZer0 4 жыл бұрын

Damn. This dude banged the Lannister’s.

@kennethoconnell8476 4 жыл бұрын

Stood up in a hammock!

@lanedropify 4 жыл бұрын

Jimmy’s quick

@ahmarsaeed6085 4 жыл бұрын

Only in Jimmy Carr videos do I and the audience have the same reaction, simultaneously!

@n0m4nic 4 жыл бұрын

I'm the same way with Amy Schumer. That's not complimentary.

@maccajames28 2 жыл бұрын

Jimmy always reminds me of quaqmire from family guy 🤣

@xThatTributeGuyx 4 жыл бұрын

The West Country must be the UK version of Alabama

@josephbrennan1344 2 жыл бұрын

No that would be NYC

@bawhatever5260 3 жыл бұрын

Exactly!! Perhaps they will check the register to make sure he turned up

@powelllucas4724 4 жыл бұрын

My favourite fantasy (which remains unfulfilled) is to be hitchhiking and get picked up by two nymphos driving a beer truck.

@ThiefOfNavarre 4 жыл бұрын

Hmmm, sounds good

@tinbanger66 3 жыл бұрын

You are a visionary. Bravo.🍻

@darkscorpion6534 3 жыл бұрын

He truly is a master!

@billgateskilledmyuncle23 4 жыл бұрын

My fantasy involves a jar of mayonnaise and a chainsaw.

@definesigint2823 4 жыл бұрын

At least one part of this sounds very dangerous for someone's dilly dally.

@billgateskilledmyuncle23 4 жыл бұрын

@@definesigint2823 it's only risky for the circus bear

@generictoasterstroodle1080 4 жыл бұрын

I’m intrigued

@little-blue-bug 3 жыл бұрын

@aryaa7334 4 жыл бұрын

2:45 im fucking dead

@ericwhatley5831 4 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣 GS Jimmy Carr

@4june9140 4 жыл бұрын

An American Grammar App, that's a joke in itself. :-)

@mikeferro7879 3 жыл бұрын

Elite?.no.Jimmy is a certified legend

@rr_powell7471 3 жыл бұрын

4:32

@shaileshrana7165 4 жыл бұрын

All of you've watched Jimmy's stuff for free for years. He put this up for as well. Least you could do is watch the ads.

@user-mc6zk8tc8c 4 жыл бұрын

He earns enough from his gigs. KZfaq ad money is not comparable.

@matrixstrobe1176 4 жыл бұрын

plenty of us paid to watch him in concert so whats your point?

@anyexpat 4 жыл бұрын

He pays his taxes I watch the ads...

@gunther982 4 жыл бұрын

Don't tell me where to put my money unless you are calling from Microsoft

@pamelacass9642 4 жыл бұрын

You're right. Same 2x at the beginning and end plus a different ad in the middle. Brill.

@mohammedkhan1034 3 жыл бұрын

Jimmy Carr looks like quagmire from family guy lol

@tinbanger66 3 жыл бұрын

He needs to steal jay leno's chin first.

@SuhiroSenpai 4 жыл бұрын

The last one is brilliant

@xilo3012 4 жыл бұрын

I dont get that one. Could you explain?

@SuhiroSenpai 4 жыл бұрын

@@xilo3012 Basically a "Sweet Home Alabama" joke, except, local.

@xilo3012 4 жыл бұрын

@@SuhiroSenpai my English is not good. Idioms, phrasal verbs and all that complicates me. But i understand half of the jokes and that's a lot. Txs.

@SuhiroSenpai 4 жыл бұрын

@@xilo3012 You're welcome. Must admit getting used to the culture of a language can be hard sometimes, but it's so much fun when you understand it fullly (or at least a great major portion of it) ^^

@xilo3012 4 жыл бұрын

@@SuhiroSenpai yes. Jimmy sure use things of england words and expressions and slang at shows. I saw him at a roast in USA with script and understood him better.

@Zajuts149 4 жыл бұрын

Is that first guy that says "Jessica Alba" a plant, or does he come to all the shows you film?

@bawhatever5260 3 жыл бұрын

Well said and be will Willy

@sooniedoongiedori0336 2 жыл бұрын

PLEASEE that man who said he likes school girls IS A TEACHER AT MY SCHOOL IM SCREAMING

@Scarletraven87 4 жыл бұрын

Everyone in the room wanted a private session where he replied with the joke.

@samb2902 3 жыл бұрын

6:03

@28soldier 4 жыл бұрын

Fucking funny🤣🤣🤣man like jimmy😅

@lawjef 4 жыл бұрын

It’s funny because Jimmy’s girlfriend is nowhere near as cute as the girl in the audience. Not even close.

@willc1294 4 жыл бұрын

True, didn't know who she was though, had to google it.

@gnbl5006 4 жыл бұрын

Wash your eyes mate

@ZelenoJabko 4 жыл бұрын

Neither is really anything special.

@elitecrewmate4559 2 жыл бұрын

Girlfriend is for alibi

@paulhickie9148 4 жыл бұрын

😂😂.

@Danwhite9 4 жыл бұрын

🤣😭🤣🤣🤣

@user-mc6zk8tc8c 4 жыл бұрын

Viking hats 😅

@haramara7383 4 жыл бұрын

you Scandinavians prolly use those

@reivax6368 2 жыл бұрын

I recognize the guy in the fist joke from somewhere lol idk where

@MarkProffitt 4 жыл бұрын

All the jokes in the beginning were just set up for that last one. Wow.

@bookwormgirl1852 4 жыл бұрын

I'm not a fan of most comedians on Comedy Central but this one is actually funny tbh

@AS-nl6pk 4 жыл бұрын

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

@eternalmiasma5586 4 жыл бұрын

Second best stand up comedian ever

@stoicanchor8721 4 жыл бұрын

Who's the first?

@mikeymcmikeface5599 4 жыл бұрын

ISMO

@jayit6851 4 жыл бұрын

Don't go to a Jimmy Carr show if you don't want to be roasted

@Kazem_AlGhaiz 4 жыл бұрын

Ha ha haa

@_Daniel_Plainview 4 жыл бұрын

lol read desc

@partyrockinhouse 4 жыл бұрын

Ha ha ha haaa

@hotcock4813 4 жыл бұрын

No guy said 2 girls at once?

@milanmilacic9311 4 жыл бұрын

It was fucking brilliant, more like brilliant fucking

@AnubisGSD 4 жыл бұрын

If you kick a small kid in a head. Is it low kick or high kick?

@georgerossolatos6136 4 жыл бұрын

#jimmycarr #pretentiousaunts #pubicbehaviour Jimmy Carr is an outstanding comedian, not in the least for his social function in legitimating the fine line between publicly acceptable vs. pubicly unacceptable behaviors. His outstanding value, though, does not rest with the demarcation of specific thematic territories and the assumption of specific moral stances towards them, but with cloaking the ludicrously uncivil and pretentiously civilizing ethos of agenda 21/freemasonry, by establishing a disorienting system of relevances. To make this claim more concrete, simply consider these typical cases in contrastive mode: (1) Agenda 21 'local community' perverts working under the auspices of the police disrupting your harmony with a view to reappropriating your assets by entering illicitly your property while away, poisoning foods, reordering your things for psych warfare purposes, stealing money, carving deltoid shapes on floors, clothes, furniture and the well-known beat goes on indefinitely vs. not swearing in public (2) Freakmasons promoting politics of fear as fundamental social ontological condition for being-with vs. joking against the catholic church. What a laugh! Hopefully Jimmy's legitimate space of 'transgression' will extend to a truly all-inclusive space to incorporate the lamentable atrocities perpetrated by catch 22 bozos. kzfaq.info/get/bejne/prePgqRk16vIoGQ.html

@MorgaineRiddlePrince 4 жыл бұрын

5.08-5.14

@themarvellouscreations3337 3 жыл бұрын

Poor man's girlfriend 😂

@20killz47 4 жыл бұрын

This is the most brilliant comedian ever

@tubesurfer08 4 жыл бұрын

Why do people get likes for repeating something he said......!!!!!!! It's not like they came up with it ....

@weirdunclebob 4 жыл бұрын

They're liking the comment to show that they agree with the fact that it was one of the stand out lines, not to say that they like the commenter or anything!

@lukerichardson1066 4 жыл бұрын

Jimmy Carr should host the Golden Globes next year haha

@enolaaquatics8833 4 жыл бұрын

Cows are fucking enormous

@tolfan4438 4 жыл бұрын

I must be the luckiest guy around. I've been thinking about it and I can't think of anything that I would like to do that I haven't already done.

@dr.johnpaladinshow9747 4 жыл бұрын

Jimmy Carr on Joe Rogan with Joey Diaz.

@nosneh6670 4 жыл бұрын

Dr. John Paladin Show best idea

@amy-wc8tk 4 жыл бұрын

Oh I thought that’s what ur sexual fantasy was 😂😂

@JayQuek 4 жыл бұрын

5:58 kinda disappointed he didnt make a "while the other two were in here driving this carr" joke

@thelonecabbage7834 4 жыл бұрын

Wait a second, if you strike someone with a prosthetic limb, is that assault with a weapon?

@mindspirit179 3 жыл бұрын

Yes ! And it would'nt be too long before you felt the long arm of the law !

@zekeyaeger3018 4 жыл бұрын

Imagine the time and effort it would have took him to research out fantasies and make jokes he can apply on everyone. Example is that he left the lady who said Viking helmet alone because no one could have prepared for that. So yeah he does come up with stuff on the spot but not all of it is impromptu as some people here have commented.