Watching from Tulsa Oklahoma, and learning.

What you stated at -16:31 is exactly what my relationship with my dad was. It’s sucks because his funeral was last weekend and I hadn’t spoken to him in almost 2 years (also a 3 year break in my mid twenties). I had nothing left to give him in the end and there was absolutely nothing I could do to change that within myself. I respectfully went to the funeral and did not shed a tear there was nothing left. I guess I eventually realized that overtime I lost respect him because he was incapable of respecting me. The good parts of my did lives within me. Our relationship in totality was bitter, but I accept it and am incredibly grateful to have even been given a father.

I was taught that men don't have emotions outside of anger which made my life difficult because I have extremely intense emotions. Because of my strong emotions I have always had trouble controling them. Some people can heal from bad things others never will. Unfortunately I fall in the latter category. I have often thought I could have handled being beaten daily rather than the damned cold indifference I got. (To put it in perspective he once told me that my grandmother, his mother, was never gonna die so he could get her money.) It's hard to accept a parent who loves vehicles yet disdains his children. I almost took a sledge hammer to one of his brand new Ford mustangs. I hated my father yet I also loved him. He blamed me for my mother divorcing him. Actually he blamed me most of the time when things didn't work as he wanted them. When I was three he cut down a tree for firewood. It was a large tree. The log rolled pinning my mom's leg. For the rest of his life he told people that I at 3 years old almost killed my mom because I made a 2 ton tree roll by playing around it. He enjoyed acting tough, threatening to hit me just to see fear in my eyes. Although that didn't happen often because it took too much emotion on his part. I could go on and on and on, like the energizer bunny. I have no doubt their are many many kids who had it worse. Yet I thought I would share some of my baggage. They say kids with unloving parents grow up to be self hating adults. That the child loves the parent without question so when the parent hates the child he or she will agree with the parent against themselves. My dad was very good at this, which he used as a way of controlling me. Self hatred causes self destructive behavior and while it is a miserable way to live I personally believe it cannot be cured. It shortens the life of the child/adult through their own self destructive way of life (like heavy drinking of alcohol, smoking, drug use, and a host of other things.) I Take care to all!

I side with you Rick but I thought of putting this comment here just for the experiment sake of it here it goes; Is this where people go to make excuses and wave the victim card and the I am not responsible card. I love your work Rick just want to write this for what people might say but don't because I am not sure people I would disagree with.