“I’ll give you something to cry about” - my dad whenever I cried

1. He made/makes fun of you. 2. He only compliments you in public. 3. He explodes with anger if you show any weakness in public. 4. He only calls you to brag about himself. 5. He uses love bombing to win affection. No gifts come without strings attached, even if it’s garbage. 6. He belittles you in front of your partner or children. 7. He finds reasons to avoid attending events that focus on another’s success. 8. He cannot take constructive feedback.

Here's one that was missing: exploits children as his psychotherapist while not going to therapy.

Big strong hugs for the daughters of such fathers.We will make it❤

My father never changed. He has always been psychologically abusive. At the age of 94 he still plays to shame and belittle his children. I had to reframe who he is. Had to see him as a distant relative or a visitor. A father just doesn’t treat you that way.

Dinner conversations turns into a one man monolog, and no one better interrupt him.

What hurt me most as a teen was seeing my father belittling my mom and not being able to do anything about it. She told me not to intervene because otherwise he would accuse her of bringing me up against him.

My father was a West Point graduate and a narcissist (diagnosed by a therapist). He was physically strong, incredibly intelligent and a rager. It was impossible for me as his daughter. He was my boss. I had a terrible upbringing with him and I am still recovering to this day and I’m almost 65.

What is extremely difficult to deal with is when the narcissistic parent appropriates and hoards or spend resources all on themselves at the expense of the children's very real needs. And to add insult to injury, the narcissist lies about it to everyone.

Both of my parents are/were narcissists. I'm the scapegoat. I'm my mother's primary caregiver to this day. My father died 20 years ago and people were, and still are, shocked when they hear I was relieved when he died.

My father does every single one, oof, I’m glad I cut him off but grieving that relationship is so painful

My husband and I had an agreement that he would spend every other Friday (his extra days off) with our son to do father/son activities beginning when he was in the 2nd grade. The first Friday, he took him to a kid's movie. That's what my son wanted to do. My husband never spent another day with my son. He claimed HE didn't want to do kid things, that this was HIS day off and he would spend it what HE wanted to do. I ended up teaching my son how to ride a bike, how to throw and catch a ball, etc. I told my husband he would regret it later in life. Well, my son is 30 now. My husband complains that my son doesn't call HIS phone, "why does he always call you". I told him, it's karma. You get what you give. Now he tries to be sickeningly sweet to the point of total fakery. He couldn't hide it long. His ballgame came on when my son came to visit last month. Without a word to us, he disappeared to the back bedroom to watch HIS game. My son asked me where he was. After 30 mins, my son announced he was leaving. My husband comes out of the room and has the nerve to say, "Why are you leaving so soon." I can't stand him any longer and we've been married 33 yrs. You see he convinced me I didn't need to work, he didn't like my friends and therefore they weren't welcome in our home, he doesn't want me talking to my sisters. I'm stuck because of financial reasons and I could kick myself for giving away my power. My life sucks and I am full of regret and now suffering from anxiety and a bundle of health issues. Wish I would've left way back then instead of going along to get along.

Growing up with a narcissistic father, being the scapegoat, and then working through all the dysregulation involved, I can tell you... it's a long journey and you'll always have to be mindful, but it's 100% possible to be free of the pain and confusion. Dr. Fox is an incredible man and a blessing to the world

Man did you ever hit the nail on the head when you said “The sooner you can recognize it and create insulation from it the better.” The moment your videos helped me see I have a narcissistic father, was the moment I began to heal.

My father loved dressing up and parading me around in front of his friends. He would buy me an expensive gift after a big fight. I had to remove him from my life when I became so angry with him that I wanted to hurt him in the worst way possible.

My ex would only go to our kids' events when his family or associates were there to watch him be a proud father. If there was no audience, he would either act put out and bothered or he just wouldn't show up at all.

People tell me I have daddy issues. No, I have mommy and daddy issues.

Boundaries are hard and cause me lots of guilt at first, but gives internal peace

As a son who ended up gay (47) with a dad who is was a blue collar, scary, biker General Motors production line worker in the gritty rust belt city of Flint, Michigan (now 73) I can say he’s changed some, his edges have been rounded off some after decades of becoming worn down by age and the losses that come with over 7 decades of life. He still has that superficial charm that the outside public loves, and eats up right out of his hand, while those who never experienced who he was behind closed doors, have zero clue about, and would be appalled if they ever saw. As a kid, so many traits this video talks about were spot on, and worse. There was nobody ever who destroyed my sense of self-worth, and permanently made sure I’d live my entire life without experiencing what it feels like to have self-love and confidence. I still struggle every day as a near 50 year old man with believing I have any redeeming qualities, or anything to offer that others desire enough to make me anything other than utterly unremarkable and easily disposable. You had two options with my dad growing up- best case scenario was to remain invisible to him, where you’d be utterly ignored, you were just background noise that required occasional feeding, never getting any validation, love, or inclusion into his time or life- and the other alternative, which you DID NOT want- was when you made the mistake of forcing him to acknowledge your existence, via needing some form of correction or guidance- and that situation was where the rage came out, and you’d become a punching bag, both literally, and the worst- emotionally and psychologically. As an adult, that’s no longer the case of course- he is now mostly alone, and while he will not discuss or acknowledge he ever did anything wrong, he is now kind and jovial toward me, as he knows deep down I am one of very few social contacts he has left, and he’s very careful not to show the true nature of who he really is, as I’ve made clear I won’t tolerate it, and it will be the end of any hope he has of redeeming whatever time we have left. One big thing hasn’t changed, though- he still gains glee from watching me struggle from adverse life situations that he could easily provide resources it takes for me to easily overcome those struggles, and there’s an obvious sadness in him when I’m better at, or more successful at doing literally any task than he is. He becomes mute, and listens (if being told how something went) or observes in silence with a grimace on his face, thinly and poorly disguised as a grin. It really is pathetic to watch a man in his 70’s be humiliated that his son is better at some random task than he is, it’s as if he’s locked into the mentality of a grade school child who is terrified of being one-upped by a peer on the playground. I’ll never have the experience of what it’s like to have a NORMAL father- who is PROUD and ENCOURAGES their child when the accel and exceed their own talents.

My mom's health failed first, and one of the few compliments he ever gave me was what a good job I was doing taking care of my mom. He has spent decades trying to create situations where I would turn into the caretaker of him (I'm the only daughter) but I refuse. He has the money to pay for the care he needs and I get entirely too stressed out being around him.

I remember being grammar school age, and any compassionate parent would understand how little ones can be overly stimulated due to being tired, well, my ignorant dad kept threatening to, “give me something to cry for,” because I was tired and had fallen asleep in the car coming home and started crying while waking up. I didn’t know why I was crying. Even now I can see and hear his threatenings. He’s now dead and ✌🏽 bye! 😂

Had a narcissistic father with some sociopathic traits. This Is right on. What I've never heard before is your statement that their abuse is not about you but are about them and their fears. One of the most helpful things I've ever heard.

When my father was in an assisted living residence and nearing the end I sat with him, held his hands, looked him in the eyes, and told him I forgave him, that he had done the best he could with what he had. Not sure he really understood that this was a formal absolution but it didn’t matter because it was more about me letting go

I had a narcissistic father. Thankful he was never home.

I never got gifts from him, it was always something he found from his hoarding issue. As an adult I told him I was planning on buying him a Christmas present and I would appreciate it/it would mean a lot if he did the same for me. I tried to get out of it by talking about his convenient chronic illness, but I didn't let him get away with it. He kept asking family what he should get me, but didn't end up picking anything up. He ended up getting me cash in a card, using the wrapping paper I had used for my present to him. This was when I was just figuring out all of the stuff about my family. It felt very surreal at the time, but my life started to make a lot of sense.

My father hated Holidays and giving gifts when he felt he "had" to. Instead, he'd randomly give me gifts whenever he saw fit. He said it was more "special" that way, but really it was used as a manipulation tactic since he made holidays and most days absolutely miserable. Then during the day if I acted up he'd threaten to take away or throw away the gift... Imagine telling a six year old, "This is why I never do anything nice for you!"

You had a spy camera on my father. Literally every point is my father.

There is not enough discussion around emotionally abusive fathers. A father doesn't have to be absent to mess you up. A father can be plenty damaging when they are around.

I myself have BPD and I recognise my dad to have NPD. Apart from the emotional abuse I suffered I also see the resemblances between NPD and BPD. First of all I want to make clear having a personality disorder is not an excuse to treat other people badly. When a person delutes himself he's entitled to do so he might get away with it for many years, but eventually the damage towards himself will become even more severe. I agree when you are a victim of narcissistic abuse by anyone you need to care of yourself and don't sacrifice yourself for the wellbeing of the person who abused you. The damage has already been done: make use of the freedom to lead your own life and only let people into your life who can be a support for you. On the other hand it's too easy to judge a narcissist as an evil person. When you have a narcissistic father like I have, you probably can see signs about some difficulties in his childhood as well. Narcissists often grew up being spoilt, which in fact is a form of abuse. Children need to learn dealing with losing and disappointment and also need to learn to share with others. If they don't they cannot emotionally connect with others to built up friendships. A narcissist can only connect with other people with manipulation. In their vision it's like "When you do what I want you to do, you are my friend." "When you disagree with me or you do anything which makes me question my superiority, you're my enemy!" At the same time narcissists can be so desperate in their need for approval they can also be very demanding towards themselves and they can bring themselves in very humiliating situations. I think it's important to realise they have trapped themselves within a very destructive behavior pattern instead of they are born evil.

I not only had a narcissistic father, his behavior "bled out" on my older brother, too. Like father, like son in the worst way! He was "daddy's boy", who could do no wrong, absolute hell for my younger brother and I. Dad passed away 12 years ago, and my older brother is still a pain in the @$$. He's a scrawny runt, he changed his attitude real quick when he met my husband, a 6ft.3,180lb biker with a hardcore "Don't gimme no sh-t" attitude. No threats, but very intimidating. Big brother is a LOT less mouthy, which is fine with me!

Hey, 8 out of 8... Jackpot. 😖 I quit contact many years ago and he still is complaining to my mom (they are divorced) about me treating him like a criminal or even worse. Always trying to suck me back into his sick system. No way.

I'll never know if my father was a narc. Stepdad leans more avoidant. Mom, however...real piece of work. And age made her infinitely worse.

I love you doc and your explanations are so perfectly worded. "Insulation" takes lots n lots of self talk, self love, parenting yourself when deep inside you the child in you is craving for your parent's approval, presence and unconditional love. That is a true healing process.

My FIL set about telling all the doctors caring for my dieing MIL that "all his kids are registered geniuses" They all, with the exception of the oldest girl whom sees him for what he is, thought he was finally proud, finally noticing them. That hope from them broke my heart. I saw it for what it was; him bragging about his being the sire of four geniuses. The four geniuses were not relevant. For the record non of them are geniuses. Smart? Yes. Mensah, Rhode scholars? No.

Big help. Huge help. GIANT help. Many thanks. I got so much out of each and every word of your video (which I'm going to watch over and over). It's as if you were watching me grow up with an Olympian-class narcissistic father. So surprising, so comforting to realize I have positive attributes. You're a hero, Dr. Fox.

Didn't read comments below yet, but much of what you said really resonated w/ me. Belittling an adult child in public when people are mingling together is bad, BUT what is worse when it's written on social media like FaceBook. SAD and pathetic beyond belief. Of course, the response is "It's a joke! Can't you take a joke?!" It's not a joke and IF turned around on them, they would be so upset. Shut down. Hold a grudge FOREVER. If I could cut people out of my life, I would. Instead, I just do "gray rock" and limit my time in their presence as much as I possibly can. I don't respond to emails or texts even though person keeps trying to "hoover" me as this person clearly knows I'm distancing myself. So far I'm doing fantastic and am feeling the power of controlling my reaction and not providing narc supply for them. I liked what you said about "eating" toward the end. Getting attention or a reaction is like food for survival. Thanks Dr. Fox for a fantastic video w/ lots of great info!

A much kinder approach Seeing innocence Under bad behavior A young autistic girl Scared and frustrated with life Angry and lashing out

As always, this was a useful and informative video Dr. Fox.

This is so, so helpful. Thank you, Dr. Fox.

An increadibly helpful and informative video, Daniel. Many thanks for that as usual. It would be really interesting to see those traits in narcissistic mothers with all the overlaps and differences (if any). Look forward to seeing your new videos.

Very Helpful advice and there are many things I can relate to in what you're saying. I've like and subscribed. Thanks for your help!

Dr. Fox, I so bless the day I stumbled upon your first video. Watching this video was the ultimate in validation. I’ve been working on myself for a while, so I had to laugh. This. Is. My. Dad. To a T. And while I will always grieve the time lost to the mental issues I developed in childhood, I will also forever be grateful for learning about toxic behaviors, how they affect you, and how to move past them. It has given me a chance at life at last, and I am very grateful. Thank you.

That's so interesting in the chat reply talking about celebrating birthdays. Typically, in our family, birthdays are not celebrated as much as they are destroyed. There have been a number of ways. Staying out all night and not coming back until that late afternoon of the birthday. Acting butt hurt about the restaurant or movie the birthday person has chosen. His daughter caught him texting another woman, seeing him type, "I love you." on her birthday. He's got a million of them. Thank you for this program today. Very informational and enlightening.

I think that not all of this applies to the covert narcissist father. They are more subtle and underhanded with their abuse.

I looked my narrc father in the eyes in my mid 30s and told him "i forgive you" A few year later he was back to his usual BS. Insults disguised as compliments, etreme emotional manipulation attempts, even threatening suicide. I justvtold him "goodbye" deleted him from my phone and life. I dont got time for his nonsense. I tried.

I'm glad you mentioned both sides, I had committed o. A video that had Isolated men once but am not sure if I mentioned in that comment that I can see how some things mentioned were things my son had to deal with. Unfortunately through his childhood he was the one in that I never came back and said how bad I felt about it to him after the fact even when I would to his mom. I always wanted him to be tougher than I was and never understood how my behavior was damaging until I started looking into things like narcissistic traits and bpd, and have pushed him away completely trying to push talking about how many are what I recently started realizing I had dealt with in my life without a way to understand or describe. The gift one applies in a few ways, I sold a 4 wheeler when he was young because he wouldn't go out and work on a trail, and the one when he was older because he didn't want to take over maintenance, after his mom and I broke up his mom told me he wanted a custom fishing rod so I got him that. I did tell her it had had their top parts built on it.. I hope he likes it and gets use out of it. It wasn't to buy his love, I get that from my parent, it was the first Christmas gift I got him that wasn't split in a long time. I liked this video.. I personally resonate with all 9 bpd criteria and definitely can identify that I tend to have narcissistic traits with it. Thank you

So well said, thank you!

my dad only ever called me to remind me of how much of a burden I was to him and complain about my brother and mother. He told the same stories over and over again for years. Literally over 20 years. Always making himself a martyr. he only contaced me to make sure I knew how much I "hurt" him. this guy who always yelled and hit and bitched. No more will I ever put up with that shit.

You can’t set boundaries with a narcissistic parent, they just see boundaries as something to be crossed. I personally think no contact is the only solution. They will literally ruin your reputation with twisted stories, rewriting history etc. everything becomes a no win situation when they sense you setting a boundary. If you set a boundary they go to covert retaliation and go after your child, never leave you children alone with them. A child does not have the language to express covert mental abuse.

Now i realize why I could never have children.

THAT IS TOTALLY MY DAD, PRAY FOR ME GUYS

All these points are my whole childhood with my father, though he's gotten better as he's gotten older and it doesn't affect me as much anymore because I can identify whenever he's trying to gaslight or he's having a narcissistic moment. He had a very troublesome childhood with completely crazy parents and he's not a bad man but the damage to me still happened. Thank you for your videos, these last few ones have been very pertinent to me. I'm tired of being like this, I was going to either find a therapist or get your workbook. Think I'll try the workbook first.

My dad made my cry on my 30th birthday after bullying me about being SLIGHTLY overweight I told him he made me cry, his response? WHO CRIES?!

I didn't understand this about my dad until recently, and I am 55. Unfortunately, it has led me to tolerate bad behavior in my past relationships, blame myself and overcompensate to get the love that I desired. I never heard my dad tell me that he loved me nor has he ever given me a hug. I love my dad, but this is just the way he is and I have come to terms with it and have accepted that this is our relationship. I feel like I had my mourning period with it and I can begin to heal and move forward.

My narcissistic father told me to F off after I finally set boundaries. He ultimately xpst me my relationship with my kids mum. I'm 31 I was robbed blind and had all my time stolen by the man

Hi Dr. Fox . . . oh my, you know my daughter's "X" perfectly. Very difficult with them having children 5, 4, & 2 years old. Daughter trying so hard to protect children best she can. Take care.

Dr. Fox, I really like your videos… Thank you

Could you talk about narcissist father's who use the Court system to win custody and alienate the mother?

Thank you so much!

I can't tell if my father were a narcisist because he had only one word and this remained in every situation.This were a sign he wasn't a narcisist.The manipulation started from my mother.Her words and actions are changing always for her own gain

Thanks!

Good video...

Because of men who never showed me the love know I deserved I chose to stay single and raising my kids alone and encourage them to grow into the adult they want to be

5 out of 8. Summed my dad up pretty well.

Narcissistic fathers and mothers both need to be held accountable. The problem is that narcissistic fathers can do whatever they want to you. What if they shout at you ? They’ll keep doing it. What if they abuse and mistreat you? They’ll keep doing it. What if you try to get help? Nobody supports you because everyone enables the narcissistic father. There’s an expectation that we’re just supposed to be our narcissistic father’s “garbage collector” of their ego, superiority, mistreatment, abuse, blame, shouting, etc. Society enables narcissistic parents and narcissistic bullies. I estranged from my parents because it was the best I could do, but I have no support structure. I’ve been estranged for 7 years, but still everyone will sympathize with my narcissistic parents as if I’m the bad guy. Once a scapegoat, always a scapegoat. There should be more concrete ways to hold narcissistic parents accountable for their actions.

Wow, this is my father.

Phew my Dad. Calls me and texts me constantly to tell me lies about himself 😂

Thank you.

My narcissistic father called me dummy all my life. He would take the belt to me to stop crying. I learned to get beat, hurt, and keep quiet.

I'm concerned that my boyfriend is a narcissist and that I'm subjecting my children to the narcissistic abuse I dealt with from my mother. He's classically authoritarian which is... less than ideal, but not the end of the world. But he's overly critical and seems to REACH for an opportunity to correct or criticize the kids. So when they are not doing anything obviously wrong he gives unnecessary correction, criticism or makes extraneous demands.I really didn't suspect narcissism until i called him out for basically picking a fight over an imagined problem and he was ready to die on that hill rather than consider the possibility that his behavior was inappropriate.... Do i just throw the whole relationship away?

Sooo my step father is screwed, I am a Psychopath... Now I get it why he's always mad around me, I can't be controlled. To make it worse for him, when he tries to control me, I do my best to embarrass him in public😂

Oh, yeah! But he did outgrow it when all his children finally grew up. That took a while, as we had a 12 year gap between the next to last and the youngest. Grades were never good enough, called us 2 boys names and was hyper-critical of us. He upstaged everybody if possible except for the two girls, eldest and youngest of the 4 siblings, both boys in the middle, 2 college dropouts bookended by 2 graduates with advanced degrees.

haha-What You mentioned about the call and them only speaking about themselves and ask 'How You're doing' as an afterthought-My Mother to a T

Best way to move away from your Narc Father is to 100% ignore him at all costs. No reaction to him being around is the best thing you can do. He/she doesn't exists no matter your situation, just walk away and become independent.

I remember i was only maybe 5 and I said something in public which i don't remember it must have shown some weakness or something and he started to crush my hand so tightly because i was holding his hand. I remember being in so much pain in my hand but I couldn't do anything because it looked normal father and daughter holding hands. So traumatising

This is how I feel as a wife. So basically, he treats me as a child.

I like/subscribe thanks 😢. Anything on narcissist 😅 these demon 😈

My father met every single one of these traits. Oof. I was called weak often as a child for crying when he was belittling me or when he wouldn't listen to me when I was begging him to stop hurting my mom or when he didn't show up to an event I desperately wanted him to be at. I blame him for a good majority of my mental illnesses. 90% of my therapy sessions are talking about him.

Can you discuss bipolar, highly sensitive people who grew up with a narcissistic father? That’s me. Unfortunately, I ended up marrying a narcissist (16 yrs) and marrying another (23 yrs) who had those traits. I finally divorced #1; #2 divorced me. I’m still staring down feelings of deeply-seated abandonment & trauma. If I could understand a bit more of how my childhood affected me, I’m hoping it may be easier to heal. ~ thank you.

Perhaps one should also talk about conscious and unconscious narcissism. My father has severe Asperger and has been very self-absorbed and only talks about what he finds interesting. In my childhood, there wasn't much room left for what I found interesting, also it was always about what my father thoughts. However, now as an adult I understand that it was not conscious of him and he had no opportunity to influence his thoughts.

My dad made fun of my brothers girlfriend committing suicide, it was at that point that I realised just how toxic he and my step family was. How can suicide be made fun of? Also he refused to take my brother to the morgue to spend that time with her body. My brother has cut him off completely and I keep them at a distance! My Dad has never phoned me, ever! However his wife does phone but they put people on loud speaker and make faces to make fun of people they're on phone with. I don't call them and mostly stick to txts now.

Thanks Doc. Glad I dont have all but do have some narcissistic tendencies of belittling my boys when they make a mistake. I don't want to continue damaging them.

My narcissistic ex-husband will get out of going to see (our) adult son, for holiday gatherings, by whining and straight forward claiming that he or his new wife aren't getting enough attention, being fussed over or made to feel welcome.

My son's father tries to take credit for our son's accomplishments. He also puts me down and tries to say I am a bad parent.

Have you done any videos that talk about why i obsess that my wife has cheated on me in the past? Ive made up in my mind several situations thay my wife has had affairs but none of it turned out to be true. I hate this..

My father and my ex wife's father

My mother, too.

I'm glad Dr. Fox began with joking put-downs, because my father was filled with those. None of them were even remotely funny. His world became unglued the day I tested into my school's gifted program in third grade. After that, my father would try so hard to confuse me so that he could exclaim, "And you're supposed to be gifted?" When I was seven. he told me directly that he had never wanted kids, had not changed his mind now that he had some, and perhaps we could change his mind by being better behaved kids. Extravagant gifts were never his thing, though. He was always quick to let me know his money meant more to him than I did, and that he'd do everything in his power to keep his money rather than spend it on me.

When I was a teenager my dad wanted to buy me a new computer desk ( I knew it was going on a credit card again and genuinely didn’t need one) my computer desk was perfectly fine so I just said “thank you Dad but I’m Good i dont need a new one” he exploded immediately screaming abusive insults and telling me I was an ungrateful little slut and throwing things around saying that I had to get out ( move out) I was 16. He grabbed his car keys and told me I better be gone by the time he got home in a very threatening aggressive manner. My mum went with him, I frantically started throwing some clothes in a bag and trying to find some where to go. I couldn’t find any where and just as I was about to run out the door not knowing where to go he came back with a bunch of flowers and insisted on taking me to buy a car instead! Through out my childhood I was always looking after my shoulder and second guessing everything I did or said. Sadly this is one of many instances that he or my mum would just fly off the handle for no rational reason. My mum was the same when I had children of my own and they started displaying the same very damaging behaviours towards my children and on top of that telling our eldest we obviously didn’t love him as much as the other two ( he was their favourite and 6-7 years old when we found out) and mocking my middle son and mistreating him I tried to set boundaries in place. Those boundaries were not well received. We asked for sleep overs to be less regular so we could do things as a family on a weekend. They always took my eldest for most of the weekend whether he wanted to or not. They would literally come and pack up his stuff and guilt him into going and punish me for saying “son you don’t have to go if you don’t want too” We also said we would visit twice a week instead of going round to theirs all the time. We no longer have a relationship their response to that boundary line was to scream and ball in my face, call me the most horrendous things. My dad got right up close to me towering over me to try and intimidate me whilst saying things he thought would hurt me. They would have hurt me deeply a few months before but I had come to realise it for what it was. My husband had to get between us and was ready for my dad to get violent. My husband is my hero he got us out of there our children traumatised from being grabbed at by my mother and screamed and balled at for “listening in” they started yelling at me infront of the children they were already there. After that they went on a smear campaign telling horrendous lies about me to anyone and everyone. My dad tried to physically attack my husband and they tried to take legal action to gain custody of my children ( not that that went any where because they had no grounds) This was 7 years ago now, I went and told them that I forgive them but I can’t risk having them back in my life. Still to this day they say they didn’t do anything wrong and don’t know what they did. My mother did all sorts as well but this is about Dads. That’s just a tiny snippet of my Dads behaviour. If you’ve made it this far thanks for reading, I just want to say. Any one dealing with this sort Of parent you are NOT alone. Dont fear people judging you. Keep calm don’t loose your cool and don’t run around frantically trying to defend yourself. People will see the truth of the situation because people like this always go one step too far. You will be ok! If I can break free of the hold my parents had on me and my little family any one can. In my situation relationship was not an option. They wouldn’t accept healthy boundaries. But we are much closer family unit now, sure there’s still pain there. But I strive every day to be a good mum!

My guess is that there aren’t a lot of videos on NFs because they typically don’t stick around to raise their kids. My dad ticks all the boxes, but my parents divorced when I was 3, so I didn’t see him much. My ex-husband does all these things too.

I recall my "father" mocking my brother making him cry then he took a picture of him crying and showed it to him to mock him some more. This brother then decided to take him as role model smh.... i just don't get it.

Yep.

At 14 my dad sat me down for half an hour explaining in detail that it would be best if I killed myself. I'm almost 54 now and it still affects me. Nasty jokes: 'he was a planned baby', 'how did we create such a weak child', 'I look like a girl'. I was humiliated and ridiculed in front of others and my character purposely destroyed before I met anyone. I worked through it my whole life. There's no getting over it. It haunts me.

100% my father

This describes my father too a T .

This hits home. In Public: "look at all my daughters achievements and great job!" In Private: "why are you so ugly and why don't you go get plastic surgery?"

If i didn't get it perfect on tbe first swing, i wouldn't amount to anything. Now he wonders why i see him very seldom.

A narcissist is just an enneagram 8 who had a hurtful childhood.

Do the enablers know what the narcissistic partner is doing is wrong, and if so, do they comply out of fear?

No wonder this world is falling apart ! The me generations have destroyed the safety that families were suppose to provide !