UNVEILING TOXIC FAMILY FAVORTISM: THE SEARCH FOR TRUTH AND HEALING

Рет қаралды 5,333

Күн бұрын

Toxic family dynamics can sneak up on you in a family full of favortism, emotional traps, and jealousy.
How are you supposed to identify your own strengths, heal your broken pieces, and move into a healthy future in a family that creates alliances and coalitions and then pushes you outside of the "family system?"
You may find it very hard to do that in a family like this.
The first step towards healing is identifying family favortism and jealousy.
The second step is accepting family favortism and jealousy is existing in your personal story.
The third step...let's talk about that!
In this live chat, I discuss the psychology of favortism and how to heal from family jealousy.
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#trauma #tamarahilllpc #TOXICFAMILY
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DISCUSSED IN THIS CHAT:
3:40 you know what the truth is
8:06 family alliance/toxic parent-sibling duo ("the twins")
11:00 emotional deprivation
13:37 family differentiation (correction: differ-en-tiation)
18:54 kids know ...
21:50 family alliances can occur with more than one sibling
25:41 WHAT HAPPENTS TO THE SIBLINGS
34:38 favortism can start in infancy
35:49 toxic family shapes personality
37:07 family alliances can create "robots"
47:35 WHAT HAPPENS AS THE DISFAVORED CHILD
*discussion in-between content
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Mentioned In The Video (research & further information):
1. Differential parenting and sibling jealousy: Developmental correlates of young adults' romantic relationships
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
2. The relationship between parental role expectations and sibling jealousy: the mediating effect of first-born children’s role cognition
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
3. Parenting Characteristics and Callous-Unemotional Traits in Children Aged 0-6 Years: A Systematic Narrative Review
link.springer....
4. Heritable and non-heritable pathways to early callous-unemotional behaviors
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
5. Heritable and Nonheritable Pathways to Early
Callous-Unemotional Behaviors
ajp.psychiatry...
6. The Heritability of Callous and Unemotional Traits
www.psychology...
7. Mommy Dearest movie • Mommie Dearest
8. Aspects of morbid jealousy
www.cambridge....
9. The relationship between parental role expectations and sibling jealousy: the mediating effect of first-born children’s role cognition
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
10. The Role of Perceived Maternal Favoritism in Sibling Relations in Midlife
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
11. A psychological analysis of parental favortism and hyprocrycy of family love in Mansfield's New Dresses'
American Research Journal of English and Literature, 4, (1), 2018, 1-10 pages
Doi: 10.21694/2378-9026.1805
12. How Family Alliances Affect Your Daughter
www.familyeduc...
13. Early Maladaptive Schemas and Their Impact on Parenting: Do Dysfunctional Schemas Pass Generationally?-A Systematic Review
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicideprevent....
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 15 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at contact@anchoredinknowledge.com. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
Mail me stuff!
PO BOX 15747
Robinson Township, PA 15244
*FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA:
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Website - www.anchoredink...
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Permission must be given before videos are used.

Пікірлер: 101

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

KZfaq will make the LIVE chat box available for you to see within 12hrs of this chat ending. ALWAYS the best part!!

@Rassa5845 2 ай бұрын

Not easy walking away from your blood family, but self improvement is important and walking away is important for one self.

@shereerabon8551 2 ай бұрын

The weirdest thing is that they will copy your hairstyle with a wig, bleach their skin, pretend to be you, borrow or even steal your clothes…yet hate you.

@choozychelleigh8965 Ай бұрын

Yes lmao OMG sooooo many examples 😂😂

@deeelle697 2 ай бұрын

whats helped me is cutting my parents & sibling off, & watering relationships with other family members & my friends. I got into crafting, walking, hiking, gardening & life is ok. I feel full & dont long those toxic relationships at all. Prayers to everyone going through it.

@Kaohukreations 2 ай бұрын

Me too

@fifilafleur5555 2 ай бұрын

You’re very fortunate to have kept some family relationships. My dad’s wife & a stepmother told family members lies about me so no one would want anything to do with me. And my dad did nothing to stop it.

@aig2991 2 ай бұрын

Thank You so much for this. It really does hurt. But your post is an encouraging reminder for me to continue enjoying positive activities and be open to fostering healthy relationships.😊😊 I think perhaps I'd give hiking, and group outdoor activities a shot.

@smith899 2 ай бұрын

@@fifilafleur5555I am so sorry!❤ My mother tried doing that. Well, she did, but somehow my siblings and I realized in our twenties that we needed to talk with each other whenever mom “told us something.” There was usually a thread of truth in it, but she’d twist it to suit her purpose…whatever it was at that moment. I pray for you to find peace and also for you to find a safe way back to a relationship with your siblings.

@ZenLillyPhoto 2 ай бұрын

My mother disliked me because my father abandoned her after a year of marriage and giving birth to me. She remarried and gave birth to my sister. She was the golden child, and my sister referred to me as "Coming along with the package." I also resembled my dad, who mom truly loved. My step-dad made it clear I wasn't his, so he wanted nothing to do with me. So, I didn't feel connected to anyone. My sister got everything, including jewelry, credit cards, college, and a car. I was told I would appreciate it more if I worked for it. To add insult, my sister is extreem verbally abusive. I have decided to go no contact with my sister and I finally have peace. With a ton of therapy, I am living a happy and fulfilling life with my own family. Favoritism in children is extremely damaging, with long-lasting effects. Thank you for bringing this to light. I haven't heard anyone else talking about this.

@pattyfarrington8345 2 ай бұрын

When the favored child is older(say 10 or 12), they can take accountability(and won’t). If there sibling is CONSTANTLY having their life threatened by a narcissist. Parent,and they do Nothing but enjoy the favortism,this is wrong on every level The favored one grows up to “harass” the scapegoat sibling,and is Very good at hiding the behavior to those who are not family.

@jassywitthewords 2 ай бұрын

Wow. I just finished journaling about my situation with my family and this pops up. I’m new to the community, but shout out to the algorithm for dropping this on my timeline right on time. 💕

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Glad to have you. Welcome!

@user-ic5sv4pw8n 2 ай бұрын

I think the worst part is when they continue to be connected to you somehow knowing they're the problem...

@shereerabon8551 2 ай бұрын

Exactly! It’s like they need to make sure that you’re sufficiently suffering.

@kimmathe6701 2 ай бұрын

I'm.the oldest of 5 siblings . My brother being the youngest . I remember being my maternal grandmother's favorite. I was a highly sensitive child and felt alienated from my siblings and did not want the favoritism. It was very isolating and lonely . I wasn't allowed to bond with siblings. I believe my grandmother also used me, to get her daughter jealous, I was in the middle of a tug of war . I felt my mom's jealousy and envy and competed with me throughout my life. I was a scapegoat and truth seeker and teller . I always sensed they wanted to be favored too. I knew it wasn't right . Very complicated, how our grandmother and our parents pitted one sibling against another. I'm grieving the loss of not having bonded with one sibling and feel such a loss. Slowly establishing new connections. And friendships . Thank you for this content. Greatly.appreciate it. 😊

@fifilafleur5555 2 ай бұрын

These parents don’t deserve to have children. It’s horrible the harm they cause. If I had children I would love each of them for their own unique abilities and personality. Each of my children would be special in their own way. This is so sad… and something I am living. My bio mother, who gave me up as a baby, actually favors her nieces (her sister’s daughters over me) and it’s very obvious. My dad favors my youngest half sister. Another sister was just ignored by a stepmother and my dad. She tried to commit suicide. She was never loved. Growing up there simply wasn’t enough love to go around. As an adult I have no close family and I am divorced with no kids. I guess the way I was raised and treated growing up has set me up for a very lonely life. I recently battled cancer and almost lost my battle. My parents and extended family… as usual… disappointed me. It’s very very painful and I can certainly see how so many of us can end up with C-PTSD.

@nanaanan4731 2 ай бұрын

My sister was definitely my grandmother’s favorite. She tried to designate me and my other dark skinned cousin the black sheep of the family. On the other hand, my mother gave me the attention and affection that I needed. My sister was jealous all the way into adulthood.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

That's a complicated dynamic indeed. Sometimes it happens like that. The grandparent becomes very close to one of the siblings and that either helps or doesn't help the situation.

@AshA-fi2xb 2 ай бұрын

What about a situation where the scapegoat and least favorite goes off and builds a great life while the favorite child doesn't end up doing much in their life? How common is that? It happened in my life and my mom and sister have been shocked and confused, especially after they tried to break me when I was at a low point.

@bridgettetraveler658 2 ай бұрын

I believe many times GOD Blesses us Scrap goats because we are his Beloved. When our parents throw us away GOD takes us in. GOD dries our tears. We have to watch out when we become successful because they'll be coming to either bring us down or to claim what they think we owe them!!!

@iamliyao7430 Ай бұрын

@@bridgettetraveler658 wow, somehow as a Pisces, I feel this coming, I WILL follow in my dad’s footsteps and help thousands of people successfully and my sister will be unemployable.

@nowie1111 2 ай бұрын

My mother said to my face I wasn't her daughter and she had only one daughter. I accepted this as the truth... and I moved on without needing anymore of anything because almost all my life made sense in that moment alone... and after seeing one of ur videos yesterday I can finally confirm this and end this ❤ so I truly appreciate it

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

I'm very glad to hear this. That's wonderful! Sometimes healing just involves getting the right level of understanding and knowledge. I've been there in life myself!

@nowie1111 2 ай бұрын

@@TherapistTamaraHill it truly sucks to confirm this is a real thing I been going through but now I can no longer have that expectation . Now I have words for it. Never in my life would I think my parent would do that to me. Appreciate you 🙏 💙

@sunkissedarkandainty01 2 ай бұрын

Thank you, Ta'mara, once again ❤ I knew @ the age of three that my egg donor (mother) favored my male sibling over me. Over the years as she had more children under us, she turned them against me too. I learned that she was extremely jealous of me as well.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

You're welcome 😊 Always glad to see you in the chat. And it's clear the disdain and hurt you feel from your family. I'm sorry. But glad you are moving forward.

@GenerallySmiling Ай бұрын

I was alone. Favorite was my sister. Both my mom and dad. I am THE MOST alone person on the planet - that is how it feels. I don't get along with my sister and brother at all. They brought my brother into the in crowd. I most definitely have CPTSD. You are describing me exaclty. I did not develop the skills I needed to become successful in life, nor did I learn how to get my needs met, nor how to recognize my needs in the first place. And IF I even knew what my needs were and I knew how to meet them, I struggle with feeling important enough to ask. If my needs impact another in any way, that is definitely where I stop in my tracks because that was never ever ok in my family. MY needs came last if ever at all. My sister was the exact opposite. The world revolved around her needs. My mom never missed a beat with her. For me.....I was a swimmer. She did not come to one single one of my meets....for 3 years. Until I won 3rd place in the city. She came late. I didn't know she came. She saw me get my medal at the end. She cried because she felt like she missed it all with me. But I was angry angry angry by high school and my reaction to her telling me this, as a teenager, and after pointing this kind of thing out with her my entire life and being gaslit about it, my teenage reaction to her was ----- NO DUH...KINDA LATE NOW, MOM!!! But even that happening, it did nothing to change the dynamic or what was going on. So to me, that was an isolated incident that went nowhere. And my friends would try to tell me that both my mom and sister KNEW exactly what was going on. Even that was a shocker when they said that because as a child I believed their world view of me. That I just did not deserve to be loved and cared for and made to feel important. It is very complicated and it goes very deep.

@fifilafleur5555 2 ай бұрын

I am living this. Ironically, I was once the favored child as a little girl before my dad married his third wife and they had a child (youngest half sister). This sister has been vicious to me and is very entitled and grandiose. My dad refuses to see how bad her & her mother have treated me. He goes along and sometimes abuses me with them. She has now given him 3 grandkids via fertility treatments. I couldn’t have kids and got late stage cancer. I am completely no contact with my dad’s wife & half sister… and low contact with my dad. It’s very very painful. I fully expect to be cut out of my dad’s will too. The most painful part about it all is how much my dad abused me growing up. I was verbally, emotionally, physically & sexually abused by my dad as a child. I didn’t realize I was being abused because of all the manipulation but now I see what it has cost me. My dad’s second & third wives also abused me emotionally & physically. I don’t think any of it will ever be healed.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

😔I'm sorry to hear this. I pray you find peace along the way.

@iamliyao7430 Ай бұрын

So sorry sis, you keep your head up, hugs, love and light!

@GenerallySmiling Ай бұрын

Kudos to that guy calling out his parents on being favorited. My sister never did that. She never will. She still denies to me she was favorited.

@iamliyao7430 Ай бұрын

Same

@dnk4559 Ай бұрын

Same with mine.

@jasminejones7485 8 күн бұрын

It’s so crazy. Every video…I strongly connect with and am saying to myself “yessss it’s not me. I’m not crazy. This is happening to others!!” 😢

@aerogal31 Ай бұрын

My narcissistic mother told me that “every mother has a favorite child.” I could not understand this. I had three children all of whom were very different and I love them for their differences. All of them had learning disabilities, but they all succeeded and are still my joy today. If I had to choice I could not in all honesty. There is one movie I could not bear to see again and that is Sophie‘s choice. So not all parents have a favorite child. My mother did, and if she did not tell me that it was my brother in words, she certainly did by actions.

@angiep8605 Ай бұрын

My paternal grandmother had favourites - my dads older brother was her favourite. He had no children. My older sister was her favourite grandchild. She would sneakly give extra pocketmoney to my sister. As we got older this turned into ornaments and processions that would go missing before my grandmother died. Twenty years later we found out my sister had them. No mention of having them at the time. All very sneaky & manipulative. Over 30 years ago my parents told me that my sister was jealous of me but didn't know why, but just ignore her behaviour "you know what she's like", because they didn't know how to deal with her. This has continued for years. She's very covert in her manipulation and now uses her children to manipulate my parents. I have no children so she sees everything as hers and she's tried to manipulate my life even though she's told me we're not close. I don't trust her anymore. My mental health is more important. Thank you for highlighting this little talked about issue.

@SiddityPrincess 2 ай бұрын

When I tell you this speaks to most of my experience! Whew. throw in the fact that I came from a blended family that highlighted a lot of these experiences addressed. Having a stepmother and sister who were jealous and even having another extended family friend confirmed this for me --- it was a childhood I don't wish on any child. These are a lot of discussions that should be had on a level where so many people want to 'blindly" have children. These are dynamics that aren't discussed beforehand? How come they aren't as concerned about these dynamics? This is partically why I find myself really fustrated with women and men who just spew they want children. Without any consideration of these dynamics. They just "want them". As the black sheep, I can say that now, looking back on my parents and siblings growing up as like a "case study" I realize there is no other way of dealing but to cut them off entirely. Growing up with narcissists refusing to play the "game". My stepmother was at the core of this game and my father was there just allowing things to happen. I know deeply how "fragile" they all really are and she (stepmother) knew, that If I opened my mouth, I could blow the lid on the entire family. My bio-mother and step-sister - flaunted their relationship in my face, and pushed me out intentionally when at times mention of my mother or if my mother brought me things came up, I could sense her searing jealousy. That alone let me see how weak she was. Same with my father. I knew as a child I had to survive and get out. My step-sister attempting to ruin my reputation among family - spreading rumors about me being promiscuous when it was actually her. Only for her to turn up years later pregnant now it's a "celebration".

@LucianScorpio 2 ай бұрын

1:08:01 - my mother and sister did that throughout my childhood - talk about me in my presence as if I wasn't there. ... I've found myself in a similar dynamic with a group of friends during the past year ...

@GenerallySmiling Ай бұрын

Not only are they are a union, but it makes me crazy when they BOTH adamantly deny this is going on!!! I just understood that my sister could not take the shame of knowing this. So instead she fully embraced it while at the same time denying it. My sister/mom alliance then brought in my brother's wife and brother. My sister pretty much dictated who was and who was not included.

@pamelalebona8676 2 ай бұрын

I have the situation that my parents favoured my brothers over me. They have always relied on me to fix the family problems but when it comes to getting help and praise its for my brothers only. You just feel like you are the parent of everyone in the household and you can't rely on anyone but yourself. They will never see you as a person that deserves love only someone they can rely on when things get tough. Things just got worse when my mother died and my father remarried. Ive just accepted that they see me as their mother and will never help me in any meaningful way. Even with my step siblings its as if I have to take care of them and their mother without expecting anything back.

@rubberbiscuit99 2 ай бұрын

I can relate, and I backed off fulfilling my family role. It has been Isolating, but I do feel much more more calm and at peace than ever.

@chilloften 2 ай бұрын

These intricacies of family dynamics are absolutely fascinating. Just imagine still living in tribes and being unable, perhaps, to escape their existence. I’ve escaped but the effects are just thru & thru.

@doriannemosich232 2 ай бұрын

hello Tamara thank you you helped me retain sanity, self kindness & just water of the ducks back✌😊🥳 here's the deal my brothers went disconnect and the other just is real messed up. My Mom & I became best friends & business partners. . I Forgave my parents for inappropriate over discipline, my brothers did NOT. "get over it" forgive, we get our parents broken, we are all broken. LOVE before it's over

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

I'm glad to hear that! So glad these videos are helping you. You do make a point about forgiving and moving forward. For some people, like your brothers, they have to cross that bridge when they are ready. When they are ready, they will know it and hopefully they can heal.

@user-om2fe8wb4q 2 ай бұрын

Yes!! Both parents favored my younger sister- especially as adults. Pushed me out. She was jealous.

@GenerallySmiling Ай бұрын

I was the lost child. But the lost child is often scapegoated. They are an easy target. I was both. Forlorn is the word that describes the theme of my life.

@MrsEd-fh2gs 2 ай бұрын

Thank you so much

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

You're most welcome!

@bbjoyce-je1vx 2 ай бұрын

Hi Tamara 😁 I always enjoy your videos. They help us understand why we experienced this kind of upbringing. I never had a problem with my mom & sister being very close or my sister being the fave. My problem is the united hating and bullying they do towards me. I always thought they were drawn close because they are "two peas in a pod "in a good way. If they are closer than I am with mom is ok. I just have a hard time figuring out why they feel the need to inflict pain and torture. They try to take me apart, especially when I have only showed both of them love. My mom has transferred my "good qualities" to my sister. Then my sibling's "bad traits" they assign to me. I am not the evil, haughty person they tell ppl I am. People who know me, do not believe them. I used to be close to my sister. She copied EVERYTHING I did ( hobbies, style of hair & clothing, life pursuits esp.) She looked up to me until our mom hijacked her identity. My sister was a real sweetheart before my mom messed her up. I don't recognize my sister anymore. She is hostile, arrogant, competitive, and out right mean. She has tried to become "me". She has told people that she IS me. Thank you for helping us. No one addresses this in my ex-family. I am no contact for almost 2 years now

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for that! I'm glad. That's great to know these videos are helpful to you. I'm sorry you have had to go through this dynamic. It sounds like what I mentioned at the beginning of the chat where the parent may align with the child they are most similar to which then creates a "we" against the disfavored child. It's a sick dynamic but something that happens more often than we think. And some families engage in this dynamic without even recognizing it. Some families create this pattern for many generations as well. So I don't blame you for being no-contact. It's a sad ending to the story but sometimes much needed.

@fifilafleur5555 2 ай бұрын

@bbjoyce-je1vx… my dad’s wife and half sister did the exact same to me. They took my traits for themselves and told everyone I have their nasty traits. Also they would use projection and tell me I am the things they are. It was so confusing but now I understand what they’ve done and why. Prayers to you… 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@bbjoyce-je1vx 2 ай бұрын

This video has brought tears to my eyes. I used to be close to my dad. But he eventually went over to my mom's train of thought. Together, they would belittle me. I worked 5 days a week. I'd stop over daily to cook or shop for them before I went to work. (I did all of the cooking , cleaning, laundry for the family since I was 15 or 16. Mom assigned me that role. At 13, it was my "job" to get my younger siblings up & ready for school. Walk them to the school that was 7 miles away.) Back to what happened when stopping to help them on my way to work, 2 days a week, my parents would drive over to GC's house with fast food. I'd deliver the food to her at the door. One day, my dad called and told me he wanted me to eat the leftover food that was in the fridge that had been in mom & dad's fridge for a week or he'd throw it out. This upset me because they saw to GC's kids getting fresh food, while my kids & me were told to eat week old food before it goes in the trash. Another time shortly after my abusive husband died in a traffic accident, my kids were 6 & 7. My mom called & told me to bring them over to clean their new motor home because GC's kids rode in it & made a mess. They had taken GC's entitled kids out sightseeing & shopping for toys. My kids were asked to clean up the GC's kids' mess. Mom told me my kids were not invited to go on the outing she had planned for another set of grandkids. I politely told her "my kids will not be cleaning up other kids' messes, and you won't even let them take a ride in the new motor home". She became angry. Said I was acting like a ""b" and hung up. She called another sibling and lied by saying I hung up on her, but I didn't. My dad backed her in every cruel thing she did or said. Mom told me..." Your dad only talks to you like that because you're not the favorite". It hurt me to my core. Dad tried to become nice again the year before he died. But it is a hurting feeling to know that BOTH parents honor the entitled, arrogant, cruel, lying sibling who has it in for me. We need your important counsel to deal with these kinds of " families. Thank you Tamara ❤

@bbjoyce-je1vx 2 ай бұрын

@@fifilafleur5555 Thank You ❤ I am sorry you had to go through that too. It hurts when you KNOW they are doing this kind of stuff. They want to claim your good qualities and try to replace your true worth and value with their evil ways. Always remember, it's not your fault. That's what is keeping me sane😁

@bbjoyce-je1vx 2 ай бұрын

@@fifilafleur5555 I forgot to add earlier that these kinds of people are clever and cunning sometimes. My sibling would charm my parents, but once our parents were not in the room...she'd start the taunts, nicknames and bullying. She lied to our parents by telling them that I was the one being abusive to HER. She accused me of everything she was doing. My parents believed her everytime.😁

@steevo8754 2 ай бұрын

Best commentary I’ve heard on the subject. Badly needed since it is so common

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Thank you! I'm glad this was helpful to you.

@dxvionandlawrence 2 ай бұрын

Wow!!!! Going through this right now

@vasleurs 2 ай бұрын

We all want our family to love us but the power in finding out the dysfunction is we have the power to not participate and cut things off. Those people are like a passive aggressive bully. I don’t give a bully free reign I will not give family free reign.

@lovelyscorp79 2 ай бұрын

This was a great live. I got some great takeaways. Cptsd I've got to get a handle on. I've only recently learned why exactly my step grandmother hates me and my grandfather was so obsessed with my entire romantic and academic life. It's really disgusting. But one factor is the inheritance they stole from me. I was my great grandma's favorite. She left everything to me. I was still a minor so they took it divided it up by making a new will. Which never mattered cause no one received anything. And since they know that I know what they did. I know they are not doing well. They are anticipating my retaliation. And they would be right. And it's not personal. I'm just coming for it all. And I'll get it. But it explains why they hate me. To have to see my struggle and know they never helped me. Emotionally or financially. Didn't prepare me for success and so much more. And that they are directly responsible by stealing what couldve helped me. It removed such a weight.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Thank you!! I'm glad to hear that. I'm sorry this dynamic has "hit" you too. Once a grandmother passes away and the family is dysfunctional, the loss comes with grief and also a host of legal and ethical challenges too. It takes a "big" person to say "you know what, you can have that and do what you want because your time will come around and you will wish that you didn't wrong me here." I do believe that what you give, you get.

@lovelyscorp79 2 ай бұрын

@@TherapistTamaraHill so true. Me too!

@deborahedwards5004 2 ай бұрын

Favoritism causes outcast Resentment and rejection! It alters the family dynamics!

@slacks100 2 ай бұрын

Jealous because you'r independent & creative Not enmeshed. Then the narcissistic parent dies without a will. The estate ends up in probate. The favored sibling feels entilted and continues the narcissistic abuse leaving the unfavored siblings inheritance up to the probate court. and try's to totally discredit the creative unenmeshed sidling. should that sibling take " The Low Road."? That feel's a little passive to me. And payback time feels little egotistic. HELP!

@GenerallySmiling Ай бұрын

My sibling was not loving and caring and humble. She was the keep giving to me forget her type. Very very toxic!

@Affirmsoul 2 ай бұрын

I think I was the favorite of my father and older brother was favorite of mother. When brother transitioned my half sister became favorite and I feel I became the shadow of my deceased father. My brother may have been (Allah grant his soul peace) treated more disfavored.

@onlyfabuliz9424 2 ай бұрын

My “mom” even had my sister saved as “my favorite daughter” in her cell 😂 but of course I’m the crazy one to think she has favoritism 🤦‍♀️ I removed myself from that awful situation of narcissism

@carabowman577 2 ай бұрын

Thank you, Tamara, for shedding light on this issue and trying to help others understand and cope. It is like living in Hell all your life, walking on razor blades with no safe harbor. Friends and relatives do not understand, and think you are crazy if you try to talk to them about it, so most people enduring this kind of abuse suffer silently. Eventually my health broke down completely, and i went from being a physically fit athelete to being almost an invalid. Watching videos like yours about Narcissists and psychopaths has helped me a lot. I have never had the opportunity to get the proper trauma based counseling.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Yes, you're welcome! It's my pleasure to help. This is a complicated but much needed topic. As you point out, most people stay silent on this and even those who attend therapy. It took many sessions with previous clients of mine before they opened up about the topics of parent and sibling jelousy and favortism.

@fifilafleur5555 2 ай бұрын

It sure WILL destroy your health. The abuse almost killed me. Life threatening high blood pressure… then metastatic cancer… as well as several other less serious health issues. My family abusers don’t care and refuse accountability.

@GenerallySmiling Ай бұрын

No. It is not her fault that she is favorited. BUT....her reaction to being favorited is what mattered. She ate it up. Not one drop of compassion or empathy for how it was effecting me. I had another step sister that was favorited by my step dad (he was also her step dad). She handled it much differently. She acknowledged she was being favorited but did not exploit it like my blood sister did. I became besties with my step sister in spite of her being favorited by my step dad. HUGE difference. A siblings reaction to being favorited can make a huge difference in how we as siblings get along and then get along as adults.

@shereerabon8551 2 ай бұрын

My mother’s favorite still ended up in the ER getting stitches just like the rest of us. She was the easiest to cohere to the coaching that she fell on the table though.😢

@GenerallySmiling Ай бұрын

I think favoritism is very common but not necessarily always the case. It does exist for sure. I was definitely the disrespected child, the black sheep.

@carabowman577 2 ай бұрын

I have an older sister and younger brother who are the favorites. The other 2 brothers died from abuse by a religious cult.....a topic I wish you would discuss sometime. My earliest memories are of physical and emotional abuse by my Mom and all the siblings, especially the older sister, who would also team up against my Dad, who had to go out of town frequently because of his job. He was a good, kind man who loved me, but he was overwhelmed by them and was driven to drink to try to cope. The only affection I got was from him, and he had to do it on the sly, because any love he showed for me caused them to attack him more. I got frequent beatings for nothing when he was gone, and remember when I was tiny being locked in a room , crying, and being told to shut up.. I learned to try to be invisible and to try to stay out of their way, while observing that all the love, attention and presents were always lavished on the two favorites, but I was constantly bullied , and ridiculed by them, the ringleader being my Mom who beat me constantly. My older brother also started stalking me as a pedophile when I was just a kid. I tried to avoid him and stayed out of the house as much as possible, and only by divine intervention did I avoid getting molested. I kept hoping things would get better as we all aged, but it only gets worse. My Dad died mainly of a broken heart 20 years ago, and my only advocate was gone. Then it was open season on me. They have ganged up and physically and emotionally attacked me at family events, done a lot of gaslighting where they blame me for their attacks, lied to my face, claiming they never did it or said it........that I am the evil one who is mentally ill . In spite of all this, I have no history of mental illness, and had a stellar career of 40 years as a critical care R. N. and I saved a lot of lives, and received a lot of Divine healing for my own broken heart by having compassion and empathy for others' suffering. I was also married to an abusive Narcissist. Now my Mom claims I abuse her to the siblings, (not true), and even tried to get me arrested by the police. They saw that I have an immaculate record, and do not even smoke, drink or do drugs.....never did. So they did not arrest me when she claimed abuse, and that I was trespassing in her house. She has also tried to kill me in car "accidents " when her Alters come out. I know now she has multiple personalities that go beyond Narcissism. I tried to go no contact, but she calls a disabled friend of mine and cries and gets him all upset.People like this who are Demon Possessed should not have children. Anyone who has been through this knows this exists.

@marenbarr-qb6eq 2 ай бұрын

The perception of who is favored might be skewed but it still stems from the parent's behavior and attitude..so in my case my sister and I didn't stand a chance of having a good relationship and it didn't matter who was right

@Pheistyherbalist 2 ай бұрын

I’m pretty new to your platform. I’m learning so much and appreciate your expertise. Thank you!

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Thank you. You are so welcome! And welcome. Glad to have you!!

@TheRetroWoman80 2 ай бұрын

This was very helpful, thanks Tamara. It further showed me different ways to recognize how parents show favoritism/preferential treatment, not always in the prevalent way based in life accomplishments like you mentioned. I wonder too: can a young adult child constantly being coddled through life via multiple second and third chances, even when they've led a troublesome life, be considered a favorite child???

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

You're welcome! I'm this was helpful. To your question, perhaps. I wouldn't be surprised. If that sibling is the "favorite child" and is never held accountable for anything, it is possible that they live a very rocky life filled with multiple mistakes and bad decisions but are never held accountable but rather supported. What comes to mind is the sibling who lives in the basement for a long time and is never give rules, regulations, or boundaries because that's "mamma's boy."

@TheRetroWoman80 2 ай бұрын

@@TherapistTamaraHill Ahh ok, that example seems a more clear example. Thanks.

@janiced.hatcher1272 2 ай бұрын

Both of my parents are like this with my sister. I've referred it as a emotional orgry. The depth of idolization, and absence of normal boundaries seems more love unbridled and inappropriate emotional passion. It actually pretty nasty.

@deborahedwards5004 2 ай бұрын

My youngest sister was the one who was the favorite. She got away with everything.

@blank_earth 20 күн бұрын

apparently I’m not allowed to live with my extended family all because they raised my brother and not me… I was raised by a covert narcissist father and I pretty much grew up homeless with him… while my brother got to have what they called a “privileged life”. I never chose my parents… and neither did my brother…

@jaredmayo5820 2 ай бұрын

If your an only child well of course the parent cares and loves that child,don't be envious of only child,parent relationship because to the child of single parent family's that parent is all they have,in my case I got on my mom's nerves but I think she loves all 4 of us the same

@Toni-id2pv 2 ай бұрын

My sister kicked me down a flight of steps. When We lost a young nephew in a car accident. I named this nephew. He was like a son. I have no kid. Over 50. And i have two sistes. One who lost the son. And the one who kicked me lost a husbnd. Now the one who kicked me was favored by my mother all our lives. My mom even wanted me to mke up with her when she kicked me. I never did. Me and my sister who lost the son in car accident dont speak to thats sister who kicked me ..And my sister who kicked me didnt stand by my sister who lost her son. So Me and my Sister haven't Spoke to her in 7 years Since my my Nephew died. Im the black sheep who never really not credit for helping eveyone..in my family. Watch gnma till she died. And dad. My mom treats me like im less than what others see me As a movie star. My mother see me as misfit

@debramegahed4214 2 ай бұрын

My mom cancelled Thanksgiving, but my brother and his boyfriend were only invited.

@ReRe_642 2 ай бұрын

My daughter said that . But she got more. I don’t understand. I love both of my children the same. They both came from me.

@sangformajorna 2 ай бұрын

My sister had a child and that's makes her twice as valuable as me and my brother. Not only was she given a summer house while we got nothing. They also painted me as someone who hates children, which isn't true. When I spoke up they where just nasty and had no interest in naking thing more fair. I thought my sister and I where good, bit I have broken away from both of them.

@choozychelleigh8965 Ай бұрын

My mom and sister are twins

@jackiecook753 2 ай бұрын

What does research say about your mom and dad favor my son over me. I don't have any siblings, my dad and I have never had a relationship. He always wanted it to be just him and my mother. My mother passed last December and now my dad and my son have made it unbearable, so I have gone no contact with all of them.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

I'm sorry about your loss. Sounds lot a lot has happened here in terms of the dynamic between all of you. Sounds like a family alliance to me but why the family alliance between your son and father has formed may take time to figure out.

@jackiecook753 2 ай бұрын

@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you.

@blankearth5840 2 ай бұрын

In my case apparently I can’t live with my own family just because they raised my brother and not me. I don’t know about you but I don’t understand what kind of kid can’t live with his own family just because I wasn’t raised by them…

@jaredmayo5820 2 ай бұрын

I do something it's a national crime,my sister does something worse it gets ignored,I ask her for ten dollars it's a big deal,my sister asks her for thousands it's not a problem

@MsInoccence 2 ай бұрын

You give me the answers to my family life experience. I thought I've been trying to heal me for years upon years.. hurt on top of hurt, under pain, under pain. My older brother has diagnosed ADHD unmedicated since early school years. Explosive, selfish, defiante, defiante, defiante, aggressive behaviors, entitlement, verbally, emotionally abusive, manipulative. Says " I love yous " as only words to say and not expected to show / act with love. My family life relationships runs rampant and twisted. My Dad didnt believe me when I went to him to share how much I was suffering and devasted state emotionally I've been enduring. He loves my brother so much, he allows him to keep abusing me still, today. He won't protect his only daughter from being abused.says " what do you want me to do? There's nothing I can do. He's an adult." "I can't control him"! My dad protects the abuser. The abuser, the fun, funny, helpful, kind, caring, the one that's loves everyone.

@fifilafleur5555 2 ай бұрын

This… 💯💯💯

@MsInoccence 2 ай бұрын

I'm so deep I keep replaying in my head I'm tied to the anchor of despair it feels like my last breathe. If I didn't have my daughter ..