Story 1: UPDATE 8:51 UPDATE - My fiancée (30f) and I (36m) are having serious issues after her sister interfered with my family's issues. Story 2: 12:08 UPDATE 16:24 UPDATE: I(32M) broke up with my girlfriend(29F) who did not accept my conditions about my family but everyone says she is the right one and I am the f--ked up one so I came here for inside thoughts

Thank god the fiancée decided to show her crazy before the the wedding. Op avoided a marriage of misery followed by a costly & contentious divorce with that nut job.

A grown woman intentionally left a dirty diaper on the couch?? That's so immature and disgusting as hell!!

First story: it was never her business to have a go about the boyfriend. She's allowed to not have people at her wedding but she's not allowed to dictate who other people date. Yikes.

Everyone attacks the guy in the secodn story but if he did the complete opposite everyone would say he is terrible for abandoning his mom and disabled brother.

Nope, absolutely not. The op in the 2nd story is 100% in the right. He put his foot down when his fiancee wanted them to relocate, he knew where his line was. Was it harsh? Yes, but it's a good thing he is alone at the moment, he seeked out help and he is not an asshole for wanting to take care of his disabled family.

The first story is just weird. This family situation should not have affected their engagement/ relationship. The fiancée definitely is a person with personality issues; she created needless drama about things that weren't her business. I'm wondering if she didn't create all this because in reality she doesn't want to get married anymore. He shouldn't marry her; she's a nightmare. She'll create a lot of problems for him for nothing.

In the last story. I resonated so hard with OP in the communication in relationship aspect. I (thankfully) learned about communication even before my diagnosis with a partner as I've always had the mentality of dating for the purpose of a future long term. Although I can't deny just as OP the use of the cold language and ways of perceiving thinks directly as in family/fiance.gf being different to some degree on the specific basis of who they are, their connection to OP based on time/emotions. OP is not wrong in thinking/feeling how they feel, though conveying those exact thoughts and feelings are the most important part of being on the spectrum and learning to communicate. Its talking to them the same you would talk to yourself in the mirror, simulate speech with others and how you'd like to be talked to. Then reflect your inner monologue of conversation to others based on the differences they have and learn how to learn about them and make the relationship more functional and understandable. OP really did love his EX, though once the kick in the ass and click in the brain came in. He knew it was done, he didn't bother asking for a second chance and fully focused on recovery. Does the above make OP any less right or wrong - NO! OP still said very hurtful and harsh words and even physically removed his exgf from his place over something that could be negotiated. BUT OP is not wrong for having their own thoughts and struggles with communication, that is something I feel was missed. Being on the spectrum is something everyone must be aware of and actively work with the individual on. You can't flip off being on a spectrum or having a neurological indifference. OP shows strides to be better and we should all be happy for their progress. Im glad the breakup was clean. (hopefully based on post) Edit: With all that being said, everyone improves and digresses at times. Don't forget we are all human despite our innate struggles and issues. Live your life and be as happy as you can, you never know how much time you have

How he gonna let his fiance disrespect his mom not once but several times then even think about her being mad about taking sides. Nah you gotta set her straight my guy.

You can't fix your woman's problems if she wants to keep them so badly.

First OP made the right decision to break up with his ex fiancee. Things could've been much worse. OP can spend time with his family and relax. Second OP needs to live his life. He needs to take his mother's advice. OP needs figure out who he is without wanting to take care of his mom and brother. Just because OP's mother and brother were in an accident doesn't mean they need to be attached to OP. They have their own lives too.

Title story: OP was being sh*t-tested. If he let her get away with this nonsense, it would just get worse. She revealed herself, so glad OP dumped the garbage and blocked her. She wants to be a drama lama, she can do it on her own time. Hope OP uses his single time to the fullest, to get in the best shape of his life, pursue hobbies, etc.

Story Two: dude had the right idea, but approached it really bad and should of looked for a compromise. You are allowed to have your own life without completly leaving your family

Guys/women, you need to recognize these red flags and not make excuses for whoever you're with. Don't have the blinders on just because you're "in love" because you'll be miserable after a while for always making excuses for them to everyone

I don't agree with commenters on the 2nd story, the relatives aren't demanding the girlfriend go, the girlfriend is making demands already knowing what the deal is

Sounds like the fiancé had some type of relationship with the SIL boyfriend

Op did the right thing. Gf understood how important ops family is to him and his need to care for them. Asking him to leave them behind shows she understood his priorities.

Story 1 fiance is a blooming alcoholic, and she abuses his family whenever she's drunk and she's doing that increasingly often. I'd definitely seriously reconsider marry her.

Story 2: I feel sorry for him. Caretaker burn out is a real deal

Story 1: OP should also take the sister to small claims to replace the couch.

Story 2: There was nothing to discuss. In the kink community, we call that “a hard limit”.

My dad was a criminal, did "really hell level things that I can't forget and dont deserve too". And guess what? He is the best damn dad in the whole damn universe and is down right amazing. I may not know exactly what he did before me, but I do know what he's done after and does now, which is being an amazing, loving parent. My point is this- just because someone has a bad past, doesn't make them a bad person. The ex is a nut job and whatever her problem is, its not ops problem anymore. Imo I think if they did get married she'd probably become her "real" self. Op dogged a bullet by breaking this off. The ex didn't see anything wrong with her actions, and that's just one of the MANY red flags. Good thing she's out of the pitcher now.

Sounds like that guy not only dodged a bullet, he dodged an entire nuclear missile with several warheads loaded and ready to go.

I mean, I wouldn't be too happy either if my sister was dating a criminal. But that fiance was by no means of the word a prize herself. She's a drama monger and a drunk that will just make everything worse later down the road.

2nd story hit hard, I didn't realize how out of touch I was with myself until I heard that story. Seemed very relatable like I was ready my own story, I guess now it's time to get some help and be alone for a while.

2nd story is wrong on reddit end, family is first if she wants him to kick them to the curb for her but nah. Good on op for nipping that in the bud

Reddit women love the "Always take your wife's side", but even they will have to side with OP

Story 3 i honestly liked how the guy acted. He put his foot down, good on him. I dont think anything was wrong with his decision and reaction. His brother seemed forced to be on his moms side. All the simps replied to him, I admire him.

A lot of you fail to understand that the OP’s mother from the second story told OP that he is allowed to have his own life outside of them. Also, when you marry someone that someone is your number one priority. If your significant other feels like they are second place in your head then they won’t feel secure in the relationship. OP is doing the right thing and getting himself the help that he needs

2nd story. Dude you did the right thing. Your devotion to the family is commendable. Hope you find someone equally compassionate

If your fiancée thinks it is ok to create drama in your family and disrespect them as well, she is not much of a wife material

1st story: The fiance needs to calm down. Unless the sister is being abused in anyway, it's not the fiance, nor sis fiance's issue. OP, I'm glad you break up with this psycho, I wouldn't marry this lady, there are so many redflags that is basically a bad reality show, the sun expels less radiation than these toxic women. Change the lock of your house. If she is going to smear you, go full ahead and tell everyone why you break up, she deserves no mercy. 2nd story: No, OP, I don't blame you for not wanting to leave your actual family, you don't want to abandon your mom and brother. But, your answer was hella lame lol Your mom is incredibly awesome for her comment. And I'm glad you are taking steps to be better

I guess the fiancé could just be jealous of how close OP is with his sister, but I get the feeling she dated the criminal in the past.

What the hell point were they trying to prove when they messaged the ex husband.? Because he's an ex for a reason. The only reason they would contact him to tell him this shit is to cause problems and hurt people. The right thing to do my ass.

The dirty diaper on the couch definitely would have pissed me off.

imagine getting completely shit on for caring about ur brother who went thru a tramatic experience by everyone around u, hes a brother tht felt like he prolly couldnt protect him from what happened, but w.e

Run run away. Go back to work. Dont marry that woman. She will tear your Family apart. She drinks to much would not make a good mother wife or help within your relationship. Dont trust her. You can do better.

Funny he put it as a condition in his life and the first time she mentions she's moving him away she's not the one for him

Second story: gf: "Honey I disagree with something and want to discuss it". op: "Get out of my life forever". Yeah, cause that's a measured response XD

With the second story is seems to me like the original poster was so dedicated the helping his family particularly his mother and brother and his career that he forgot to make some time and focus on himself. Which is why he's so mentally and emotionally and balance. He lost the great woman and now he has to start over the scratch basically being alone for a while

Second story, they, or she did discuss options, and he did make it clear that he was inseparable from his family before talking about marriage. It's a little odd to me how some of these details got overlooked when ppls opinions had been based on the lack of such details. I can't say op is an a-hole, but at the same time I don't think he sees himself as a completely independent person with their own life. I've seen other comments say he's a psychopath or sociopath or unstable or whatever, but I don't think he has the capacity to think of himself as his own person, and ppl saying "I get where you are coming from, but..." There's no but.

Story about mom and bro..He stopped gf in her tracks..They are a package deal and she knows this. They are his family and she can be part of his family if she havent made that comment about letting other family members take care of them or have them put in a facility for care..That's a red flag. He shot that down quickly and instantly avoiding any future problems and there will be future problems. Next time OP get a partner who understands completely where you stand when it comes to your mother and brother.

All the people in and commenting on Story 2 have lost their minds. The man made one condition, drew one line in the sand, has committed his life to one thing. She wants him to give all that up for her, instead of loving him knowing that's a part of him. This was an epic shit-test. He absolutely did the right thing and then all those commentators gaslit him into softening his position even though he absolutely shouldn't have.

For the second story, I believe that both the OP and the fiancee have aspects they can improve on, based on the story presented. Why? well the OP stated he previously made how he feels about his mother and brother clear to the fiancee and she did not end the relationship then. I wonder if he really made it clear or if he brought it up but was not clear what his terms were. He needed to make it clear to any potential partner that the needs of his mother and brother are top priority to him, and that he feels that is not negotiable even a little bit. I wonder if he really did that or not. If he did, and she decided to try and change his mind anyway, well then she got what she asked for. I do believe he could have told her that without telling her that his other obligations are primary and she is on the back burner, if he did not say that before, because no one who values themselves really would want to be in a relationship where they are a second option. You can make sure that mom and brother are taken care of, and that there is a place for wife, too. Also, if she knew this and agreed before but then tried to just declare that they need to move away because those terms are not acceptable, she should have ended things before. If he did not, well he got what he deserved. Her response would have meant that she was not clear on what his feelings were, and the way to go about that is to make his feelings understood clearly. But taking that time to tell her that he values his mom and brother over her and that she is secondary if he did not put it that way before was excessively harsh. I am glad that he is going to get help and that the breakup was clean, so hopefully he can deal with his issues and also learn better communication. Neither of them are awful to me here.

I couldn’t even read the whole story. He’s a lucky guy, he got a very accurate preview of what his life will be if he marries this girl. Why would anyone sign up for even five more minutes of that. My advice? Dump the fiancé, step back a bit from the family and all the drama. Work out, pursue your hobbies, enjoy some peace and tranquility. If you decide you want more drama, strife and stress in your life you can always go back.

You're supposed to marry somebody who will love you and love and respect your family. When you marry someone you don't just marry them, you marry into their family. If I am engaged to somebody who doesn't respect my family dude bye

Honestly at first I was on the fiancée's side, I totally get the fact that you don't want your sister in law who just got out of an abusive relationship and get into potentially another abusive one, and I'd rather have them breakup and the villain temporarily before any abuse starts happening rather then hold my tongue for the sake of not upsetting the sister in law in that moment. But the way she went about indicates that she's not doing it out of concern for her sister in law (since she gossiped and was ok with her sister messaging the abusive ex) she's just a control freak. Definitely one of those "you're either with me or against me" people.

Story one she clearly has a ting for the criminal. That's why she wants the sister in law to break up with the sister

That first story, OP didn't dodge a bullet, he dodged a nuke.

"I'm not picking you up." Well I am not marrying you. Go to your sisters I don't want you in my house when I get there.

I'm with the doctor personally, if you understand the attachment (he literally changed specialities for his family) and you approach it by saying you are concerned about it rather than saying "I suggest we move and leave your family to caretakers and other family." The way she said it, I'd kick her ass to the curb too. A man who is taking care of his family in unfortunate circumstances is going to be extremely protective of them and take exception to any suggestions that may adversely affect them.

WDF She was abrupt and cold about moving and booting his family! She never even had a 2 thought!

First story: Former fiancée is an alcoholic, you dodged a bullet...

So she just gets drunk on a whim?

Story 1: dump fiance you are seeing some of the inner her. fiance is trying to assert dominance over you and has a drinking problem.

Holy shitstorm. Sister and mother should've told you and fiancee about the boyfriend situation right away..it would've stopped a lot of this but at the same time...your fiancee is showing you her true colors and making issues with them when they never wronged her. Ditch her. You clearly love your family so they won't be going anywhere, you need a partner that can happily be around them. Story 2- ESH. You were right to break up with her but the whole calling her irreplaceable...that's a bit harsh. This isn't about making someone equally important as your mom and brother, nor is it about devotion. You made it clear from the start that you would not be going far from your family so you can help them, and that's perfectly fine. She knew this getting into a relationship with you and wanted to change that up as soon marriage came onto the table. That would breed resentment. He definitely should go be his own person for awhile though be prepared for in a few years when your mother can't take care of your brother and this could have been avoided if your mother and ex-girlfriend had been adults and talked to you about their concerns together instead of just jumping it on you, that was awful.

OP "let things cool down" too much. Should have talked about and handled the problem at the beginning instead of letting fiance continue to create more issues. And if someone spreads lies about you, you set the record straight. Doesn't mean you have to be mean spirited the way fiance is. Just tell the truth.

Your fiancee can't be trusted with secrets. That's not a good partner to have

I'm just going to say that I was confused about who was who for almost the entirety of the original first post. Just...OP couldn't have given them names or something? I don't know why I was having a hard time following the story.

The first OP is NTA. Let the drunken ex and her disgusting messy sister hit the bricks.

To all who said he had to put her on a equal footing with his family just confirmed that you should not date a single mother because she will never do that with a new boyfriend

I actually think the op wasn't that wrong in the last story first how his fiance brought the subject up was selfish and immature second his mom did need his help and so did his brother that's why he had to do it for so long but instead of talking to him like adults they sent his fiance to handle it

Seems OP's fiance is showing her true colors. Id avoid that like the plague

In the first story the fiancée wants him to break up but wants people to think he wanting to do that dont her.

They were way too harsh on op in the second story. He literally made it clear from the beginning how important his mother and brother is. How the fiancé reacted was insane! She knew and then literally wanted to just move far away. * If anything SHE was the cold one I think HE dodged a bullet and is lucky he didn’t knock her up

In story # 1 OPs sister should have told him when she saw the red flags in this relationship, especially since he had previously told her to do it, after a previous relationship was bad. Siblings should stand up for each other. Granted within the family they generally will pick on each other, etc., but when someone else tries to harm or take advantage of their sibling, they should "circle the wagons" and protect each other.

His girlfriend being her family is kinda irrelevant, because his wife isn't in need. Just a tad selfish. But he escalated that spectacularly. He wasn't "wrong" in what he was caring about, but he definitely messed it up, there. He only did what comes naturally to him

Benefit of the doubt to the second story, if his mother and brother had these concerns before the relationship with his gf ended, why did they not address this in person? His relationship could have remained if he was explained by his family and given a reality check, having his gf approach the subject would leave her at risk of appearing to demand a "them or me" decision, which is now clear it was never her intention. I feel for OP and I understand dude made a mistake and has issues to sort out, but next time ask his family that if they have any problems with him then to not bite their tongue and tell him before it gets out of hand. It bothers me that they lecture him on his wrongdoings yet dismiss that they've known and kept it to themselves before. That's not being honest, I understand and agree with how the second story concluded. Just next time have his family be clear from the start.

Story 2: Soft YTA. I hope he finds his way.

Guy with mother and brother did nothing wrong. She had no right to ask him to dump his family members.

Ya'll be seeing stuff I don't see, 1. She met him and knew the situation. She demanded he leave the family move to another city and get someone else to care for them. This was a clear statement, no ifs. His was just as succinct BYE.

2nd story! You were clear and concise! She had to know how you felt. She should have had a plan b.!

Yeah we all expected the fiancé to be the vindictive type so op dodged a bullet

Story 2: I blame his fiancee for the way she brought it up, it sounded cold and mean, like she didn't want anything to do with helping his family and didn't want his time taken away from her. So I understand how he reacted and he probably needs to let his family take care of themselves more. If his mum had discussed this with his fiancee and not him she is to blame as well, she needed to talk to her son herself, tell him to live his life get help if needed. This whole situation could have been sorted out easily if his family just communicated with him honestly. The fact that the fiancee moved on so quickly knowing his situation makes me believe she didn't want his family situation affecting how she wanted her life to be, she comes off as selfish.

For second story, As someone with similar communication issues the OP in the second story definitely wasn't wrong heck it's nice to see someone stand their ground but being so cold and basically kicking her out was WAY too far. It didn't even sound like he gave a crap like, you are totally right she shouldn't have ever suggested it but you didn't seem to at the least compromise. For example I'm not going to abandon them but maybe we can work something out. Like I won't move but I'll try make sure sometimes you have priority since I'm making you be part of my life but when I go you CAN'T bother me or fuss about it because they are my priority. Like there is ALWAYS a compromise option and if you think you can't compromise something or refuse to then that's your problem. He seems like a great guy and I like him, I even tell him you did a good think but maybe shouldn't have kicked her out basically dropped the engagement without actually thinking about it. As I'm sure he did love her but when you have a black and white mindset it easy to toss those feelings aside, that's just my opinion of course. Still if she was going to push about abandoning the family then it definitely be wrong obviously and would say dump her ass before marriage. It seems like there's a different problem going on so maybe does need therapy because now he's by himself. However, sometimes you need to be by yourself to know who you are.

Second story, To be honest I understood your girlfriend’s point of view. She wasn’t suggesting That you get rid of your family and that he wasn’t welcome in the family. She doesn’t want her whole life to be revolving around taking care of his brother. To stay there it would make her totally feel trapped. She wants to live. As well as does she have any other interests like hobbies and dreams. Maybe she wants to own a home. She went about it the right way by attempting to ask him to make other arrangements so that his brother can be taken care of. A relationship is about compromise. I hope she breaks up with him. Otherwise her rest of her life will never be about what she wants to do.

The first story just made me extremely happy to be single. Women love drama, but loathe personal responsibility.

He was just up front with her. The taking care of his mother or brother would have been a on going argument. And a continue bone of contention. Problem solved.

OK but why does the Fiancé hate the criminal bf so much?

Story about disabled brother. OP Your girlfriend is not wrong. If you are embarking on a new relationship it is not unreasonable that they would want a fresh start somewhere else. OP is married to his family and really should make this clear from the first date. There is nothing wrong with hiring caretakers and checking in on them a couple of times a week. When kids come along they should always take precedent over extended family as should your wife.

I listen to these stories every day. Hope you can make more at some point! Thank you for maling them they are amazing!

Please tell me to pull my head out of my ass the next time my relationship goes bad. We all need a sister to do this for us....

He should consider he’s had a lucky escape.. this was going to be a toxic relationship..

Four minutes and 31 seconds in and I still have no idea what is going on or what I’m listening to. Next!

Story one, honestly can the OP at least be helpful in what his sister's boyfriend's criminal past is? If it's stuff like small level GTA or caught with a bag of weed in his youth and if he's properly rehabilitated since, what's the issue? Just saying criminal past isn't fair to those who were bad in their youth but have turned over a new leaf and are potentially good people now. Story 2: OP's approach was a disgrace actually. Yes, mum and brother are in need of assistance but at the same time, OP has to realise he has a life to live. If he can't, like an adult find a balance, he'll be stuck being his mother's and brother's caretaker until they die or OP dies. Life is all about balance.

Like the old 70s song, "hop on the bus Gus, don't need to discuss much, drop off the key Lee, just get yourself free".

Story1: marry her and watch how the fiancees sister also does some invasive ish in the marriage. You can tell from the aftermath you dodged a bullet Story 2: mom is the MVP. Your commitment to family is admirable though.

I don't understand how people shit on the 2 story guy. He had a very difficult life, his mother let him be a father figure to the brother and now suddenly she realized it wasn't a good plan but it's already too late! His whole life was dedicated to them. You don't suggest "let's move to another city and put the brother in care" to a person like that. The fiancee was very insensitive about approaching the subject. OP absolutely needs therapy but none of it was his fault, he was just trying to take care of his family.

The first story is incomplete. We don't know enough about the sister. If she really did cheat on her ex husband, then letting him know is a reasonable course of action

Wow. Tell drunken fiance the wedding needs to wait untumul fiance grows the heck up - and learns to stay sober. Why do you want to marry that woman?

I often get mad while listening to these stories. What's happening to people nowadays? Why are so many people turning into spineless doormats? The OP's fiancee in story 1 got drunk and bad mouthed his family not once but twice, and the guy still comes here and asks, "So, internet strangers, what should I do?"

OP would be an absolute idiot to stay with his drama queen fiancee. Ditch her or expect a lifetime of misery

Goddamn, only 4 mins in and I'm like what a clusterf of nonsense.

First story. OP needs to reevaluate his relationship with fiancée. She seems to have a drinking problem and this will only get worse. Forget everything else and take a good look at her drinking. She can't keep a confidence either. If OP is determined to keep fiancée at least stop the wedding and seek pre-marriage counseling. I wrote this before the update. OP made the right decision. My advice to OP. Take the lessons learned from this relationship and move forward.

Dude won't leave mother and brother? Do you know what a marriage means? A man leaves his family and cleaves with his wife... they become one flesh.

Never should have pussied out and told the mother the fiancé’s wedding wishes. Should have made her do it herself

The OP in the second story is the definition of a real man. He kicked her to the curb the moment she started whinning about his commitment to his mom and brother. Imagine abandoning the woman who carried you in her womb for 9months so that your gf can feel "less tied down", gross.

I disagree. She said not asked. To move to another city and care completely by others. He did the right thing.

Story number one yeah I get time for you to re evaluate this engagement. In my opinion if you live in the United States you shouldn't get married at all not without a prenup sign in front of 2 lawyers on video with audio so it can't be I get it was signed under duress. I understand your fiance is worried about her friend who happens to be dating a criminal now book discuss the guy got himself in some trouble doesn't mean hes not a good guy. I am a great guy when I was younger I did some stupid stuff. But that doesn't define me as a person. People make mistakes when you're held accountable for your mistakes you grow from them and you move forward.

Finally someone who is a great person. Honestly you need to tell you're girlfriend that thay are non negotiable. It was unreasonable to try and pull you away well knowing how Committed To your family. It's kind of manipulative on her part because you can't get with someone knowing what the priorities are and then try to insert yourself as a dominant priority If she did not like the arrangement she should not have gotten with someone who was up front about how he felt about his family