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Warning! This guy will break your heart...
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This video if for you if you have been ghosted, or experienced a guy pull away or a guy disappear on you.
If you are asking questions like: is he still in love with me? Why has he disappeared? Did I do something wrong? Did he fall out of love with me? Why is he ghosting me?
I am Jack Butler, I am a relationship coach and relationship teacher and I give relationship advice to women - I help you find real freedom, real love and real relationship. I coach and teach women globally through online programs, retreats and group and private coaching. I help women find Mr Right - I help women be loved by the right man for who they really are. Please subscribe to my channel here: bit.ly/jackbutl...
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@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Join the FREE webinar, the 3 Keys to Being Relationship Ready becomingtheone.us/avoid-this-guy
@humbleheart2650 4 жыл бұрын
I’m gonna I know
@deniseodendaal5824 4 жыл бұрын
“Inconsistent drop off guy, will eventually eat at your self esteem. He generally has a few issues going on himself. Best to just move on, love yourself and live your life.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Well said :)
@gabriellasimpkins6511 Жыл бұрын
22 years of marriage to a drop off guy. " He's connecting somewhere else." Gut punch. Truth from a good Father.
@kaoshi_kutie 4 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately, I met a guy like this recently, he was the one initiating and pursuing then started to drop off then dissapears, then try to come back! It's made me really question my self worth and wonder what I did wrong. Luckily it was only 2 Months but it's caused alot of damage and pain. It's so frustrating when guys are not mature enough to just say they don't want you rather than stringing you along. 😔😢 I had to block him as he kept randomly contacting me just to see if he still had access. Ladies don't ever entertain this type of man!! ♥️
@domt4588 4 жыл бұрын
“He’s NOT my guy!” So tired of dating unavailable men. I know I need to pay attention more to the red flags. Great video!
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you :)
@StandupGirl-ym3ey 3 жыл бұрын
Yesssssss!
@LadybugPhil413 4 жыл бұрын
Trust your intuition!!! Narcissists will expect you to be loyal, faithful, and honest but they are not. They are grooming another source and that's why they drop off but they will string you along as long as they can, especially if you are their primary source. They jump relationship to relationship and try to hide it. Protect your heart and listen to your gut. Don't chase love, the right one will chase you.
@ak-47intelligence75 4 жыл бұрын
The power is in YOUR hands. They wanna string you along. How do YOU react to that ? They wanna cheat on you, how do YOU think about yourself after that ? Even if they're not narcissists, people in general cannot be trusted. Dont be co-dependent. The ones who really want to stay with you will.
@majas841 4 жыл бұрын
This should be pinned by jack
@MsRosie37 4 жыл бұрын
So true unfortunately.
@katalynbabe 4 жыл бұрын
Yes
@eveharris30 4 жыл бұрын
I don't think that a person is a narcissist just because he dropped off. I think we us that word too much. Several years ago everybody was saying bipolar every second. Some people do have avoidant personalities. Not excusing a jerk. He also can be BPD which you dodged a bullet if he drops off. They are nice charismatic, funny and can be the life of the party. But they can't hide it that long.
@BoraKimBUZZ 4 жыл бұрын
Let me just remain single forever! The chance of getting struck by lightening more than once might be higher than finding love these days.
@makeitcount2985 4 жыл бұрын
Because there are a high number of toxic men out there you may be right..... Your chances of meeting one toxic man after another are high
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
I encourage focusing on 'you're only need one'
@Ssookawai 4 жыл бұрын
We say in arabic " a person who lost something can't give it." Love is nowhere else but within YOU, find it in your inner mess and be oozing with love. When you HAVE love , you won't look for it in another person and any suitable man will do great with you and you'll be totally fine with him.
@samuelmcintosh739 3 жыл бұрын
Conevnneetin
@StandupGirl-ym3ey 3 жыл бұрын
Truth!!!
@rebeccajones8628 4 жыл бұрын
He's just not into you. When you can live without them, then they will appreciate you. But they are still no good. They could have mommy issues. This cannot be fixed. RUN.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
He's just not into you can be so liberating 🙏
@louisaklimentos7583 4 жыл бұрын
Rebecca Jones Sometimes a person can be emotionally detached . We tend to blame it on ex girlfriend or mother issues , which can be the case . There is one more issue that no one ever mentioned and that is hormonal imbalance . For example , my husband was very emotionally abusive . He had a Dutch sex hormone metabolite test and his testosterone was too low and it was not working properly in his body .
@mgsol3316 3 жыл бұрын
Louisa klimentos this is 100% true and hardly anyone, even doctors, think about this. 💯💯💯
@NikNik0123 4 жыл бұрын
NEVER PREMATURELY INVEST YOUR EMOTIONS IN A MAN UNLESS HE’S INVESTING HIS TIME AND MONEY IN YOU! GUARD YOUR HEART AND BODY, LADIES UNTIL HE SHOWS AND PROVES. GIVE THAT EMOTION TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAD, YOUR CAT 🐱, YOUR DOG 🐶, YOUR KIDS & YOUR FRIENDS.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Well said 🙏
@mcovelloful 4 жыл бұрын
NikNik480 Easy to say hard to do
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
@@mcovelloful That can be true - maybe simple not easy
@2legit2Kwit 4 жыл бұрын
It’s called future faking and when he’s grooming new supply he devalues you and discards you for a better fuel source. Go no contact and move on as fast as you can.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
🙏
@kathibutterfly789 4 жыл бұрын
thats true
@ak-47intelligence75 4 жыл бұрын
I've been devalued many times by many different people. Looking back, I wouldnt let it get to me now. It's hilarious. Attempts to break my self-esteem.
@mcovelloful 4 жыл бұрын
Raiders of the lost Narc Actually I like the non-judgment teaching that Jack gave- it’s easy to judge him harshly and you might be right. But you might be wrong you don’t know why he’s acting the way he is. Just see the present he’s not there for you and MoveOn for yourself without judgment
@melissa11.11 4 жыл бұрын
Yup, that's right!
@michellebenedict2331 4 жыл бұрын
This is happening to me. I wasted a year and a half. It’s so hard to admit that it’s over and I can hardly breathe. But my self esteem has taken hit after hit. I finally asked if I could see his phone and he said NO. All my suspicions were confirmed in that answer. I wish my heart didn’t hurt so much.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Hey Michelle, thanks for sharing. If you haven't, check out Enneagram type 2 in case there's any resonance there.
@michellebenedict2331 4 жыл бұрын
Jack Butler thanks
@GuessJess 4 жыл бұрын
Absolutely true. I learned that the hard way a couple of years ago when I had a guy disappear on me after 9 months in a relationship. And no matter how much I tried to communicate with him, drop off guy never replied or explained why he dropped off. I might have saved myself a lot of healing time if I had let him go much faster instead of trying so hard to figure out what went wrong between us. If a man runs away from you ladies, don’t ever chase after him, even if it’s just for closure. Accept the fact that he’s inconsistent and he’s not going to be the right guy for you and move on.
@lotus1695 2 жыл бұрын
Hi Jess, How did you move on? I'm now 2 months single again (2 years ago we were together) after which he ghosted me. I'm struggling really bad. I never thought he would do this to me again. He's in therapy and felt that he was ready for a long term relationship with me again. Turns out not. I'm still crying for him because we had something really special.... I just don't know how to let go. I go out a lot and am at work. It helps but at night when I'm alone then my thoughts start again. I'll watch movie but I still feel so empty and sad. After the first time ended (2 years ago) I meet another quite soon but that was unfair to the other as I was still in Iove with him. I hope all of this is making any sense. Thanks for reading this. 🌷
@GuessJess 2 жыл бұрын
@@lotus1695 I’m sorry you have to go through this pain, I know what it’s like. This is the best advice I can give that worked for me to help me get over him. 1) stop thinking about it as a good relationship and that he gave you something special. Recognize that whatever he was going through, if he truly loved you, he would not have ghosted you. He would have wanted you to be with him to help build him back up and make him feel better. 2) Recognize that ghosting is a sign of disrespect, remember that moving forward. Why would you want to be with a man who had no problem with being disrespectful to you? 3) Don’t start dating other men until you’re ready. The rebound relationship is not fair to you or your new man. Wait until you find the right guy at the right time. 4) Cut off all communication with the ex that ghosted you. Unfriend him from all social media accounts, you don’t want to know anything about what he’s up to, that makes it harder to get over him. Out of sight, out of mind. And finally 5) Focus on yourself, building back up your self esteem and pursuing interests that make you happy. If you’re into movies, make a list of all the movies you always wanted to see but never got around to and finally watch those movies. Maybe you have some other hobbies that you like, spend your free time working on those. If you don’t have a fun hobby, find one. Learn a new skill or visit new places. Anything that’s a fun distraction. Have faith that the next man that comes along will treat you with the respect that you deserve. ❤️
@sherriflemming3218 Жыл бұрын
Exactly. Disappearing men, let them stay gone. Don't allow them to come back!
@mur6679 11 ай бұрын
@@lotus1695 hello, did u recover from emotional pain ?
@arrianathierry5937 4 жыл бұрын
So true Jack..."he is connecting somewhere else" while trauma sets in for me. But lets be optimistic, this too shall pass!
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Arriana Thierry This shall pass, and especially so if you let it go 🙏
@arrianathierry5937 4 жыл бұрын
@@thejackbutler Thank you!
@louisaklimentos7583 4 жыл бұрын
Arriana Thierry I think he was a player
@AroundTheWorldWithSeezal 4 жыл бұрын
@@thejackbutler Can you give us tips on how to let it go?? Spent 6 months "letting go" these confusing guys are SO difficult shake off - despite no contact for weeks / months they are still consuming our thoughts while they're going around their everyday business not giving us one thought. It's like a bad dream you can't wake from.
@anjijack5392 4 жыл бұрын
@@AroundTheWorldWithSeezal Real change only happens when we change how we FEEL about something, especially us women. I'd suggest counseling and/ or Cognitive behavioral therapy. It's tough, but doable. Hugs!
@dd-pw8tw 4 жыл бұрын
I love the nonjudgmental “ he’s not your guy”~absolutely true so let him continue playing his games and quickly get out his way.
@scubagirl1971 3 жыл бұрын
Perfect timing. He just sent a hey text this morning after 5 months.
@thejackbutler 3 жыл бұрын
Happy for the timing! 🙏
@debm208 4 жыл бұрын
Awesome as always Jack..really like your phrase "He's not your Guy"..it adds clarity that a guy that is your guy will show you in actions more than words that he is in for the long haul...
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Deb M He’s not your guy! Yes, exactly :)
@mifasola1 4 жыл бұрын
I was connected to him and my intuition told me he wasn't connected to me despite his words...however his actions were not there. It has taken me months to get over this man dumping me like he was leaving the scene of a crime. He attempted to friend zone me after we shared so much physical intimacy. I wouldn't do it then and I still wouldn't do it now. Since he's been out of my life I'm figuring out who and what I want. I've sobered up big time.
@ingridhaughney3645 3 жыл бұрын
Oh gosh, I just read this, so feel your pain, I too have been abandoned. Listening to this video means I did not trust my instinct and hold back and trusted too early. We can learn from our bad experiences. Hope your life is better now
@constance6761 Жыл бұрын
@@ingridhaughney3645 One year later I'm in this boat now after thinking it was developing into the start of a relationship, based on his words, affection and actions. Still he lashed out at me bc I shared a personal bad experience which made him run. I was left on my couch crying all night after many romantic, close dates. After he left, all he texted was 'sorry but I can't be under pressure". I never pressured him. He just didn't like it that I have a past trauma with s. violence but I can't just be who he wants to be. If it annoys me yes he is not my guy. Meanwhile hoping he misses me. While we were dating he said that he looked at his couch missing my présence after my visit to him the day before. Well he doesn't care he is gone. Hope you are in a happy place now .
@luckylulu7777 4 жыл бұрын
My eyes are wide open now and I don't invest my feelings if I see love bombing and inconsistent behavior. The signs are always there you just have to follow your gut. Saves so much time and boosts my self esteem when im the one that ghosts them the moment I sense shady behavior.
@freshdumpling 2 жыл бұрын
So true. I love ghosting them
@sherriflemming3218 Жыл бұрын
Lovebombing and future faking is a major red flag! So is sexual inneundos or leading with sexuality. Call the guy out on his behavior and go no contact.
@PS-xb9hc 3 жыл бұрын
Respect yourself and don't wait around on someone who can be disrespectful and immature to you for no good reason....ask yourself...is this beneficial for me or is this hurting me?
@thejackbutler 3 жыл бұрын
Right on
@mikareno11 4 жыл бұрын
i'm going through a separation with this guy... he's become my weakness when i need him to be my strength
@DayaTom 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you! It's rough. After 4 months of daily long hours conversations.. and building consistently. It's really tough. Day 15 of being ghosted.
@makeitcount2985 4 жыл бұрын
Just remember that he's showing you that he's not your guy
@CrystalReneeMusic 4 жыл бұрын
"The #1 most confusing guy to Never date." Yaaaaaassss, I love it. I subscribed btw 😘
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Glad you liked that! And thanks for the sub! :)
@phoenixfire7110 4 жыл бұрын
I’ve never heard anyone articulate this concept in such an insightful, compassionate yet practical way. One thing in particular struck home with me
@SS-in1ts Жыл бұрын
I think Jack Butler’s values must align with mine because every time I second guess myself I find comfort and support and confidence after listening to his videos.
@sophieeemonroe3261 4 жыл бұрын
I've met this kind of guy a few months ago, and it's been hard but I've finally had the courage to let it all go. Inconsistency is really dangerous for a relationship. Thank you for your words Jack, they're really helpful! ❤️
@azgirl215 4 жыл бұрын
Darn I just got done with a guy JUST like this. The connection was amazing. But my intuition told me he was still keeping the options open and I was right. I decided to get on a dating app and sure enough he was there, looking for casual and “maybe” more. It hurt to let it go, and it was so easy for him. The connection was so deceiving. He’s not my guy. I’m in healing and self care mode now trying to figure out why I attracted this in my life.
@StandupGirl-ym3ey 3 жыл бұрын
Girllll Same here!! Smh I felt foolish because I thought I was getting better! I lead with my heart and not with my head!! Shame on me
@mur6679 11 ай бұрын
hello, did u heal completely from this emotional pain ?
@annalisa1684 4 жыл бұрын
He’s what? Not my guy!!! thanks 🙏
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
What's that now? Who is he? Not your guy! :)
@melissa11.11 4 жыл бұрын
"Thank you for removing yourself from my life.." wow🎯♥
@deetran5085 4 жыл бұрын
Wow Jack, I wish I had known this advice 2 years ago! My heart was broken into million pieces when falling in love with this man. I had to do a lot of inner work, learning about myself and my deepest fear. More self awareness. I am now slowly healing and accepted he is just not my guy. We are not meant to be together. I need to surrender and move on and wish him the best. Wow, You just created this video, just for me. Thank you!!
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Hey Dee! Glad it resonated so much with what's been going on for you. Wishing you courage and discernment in moving on 🙏
@deetran5085 4 жыл бұрын
Jack, Thank You so much for your reply! You are doing amazing work to help us find the right partner. Thank you for being so authentic.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Dee Tran Doing my best :). And thanks!
@sinahjond7402 4 жыл бұрын
They just want to deep in and go horrible because they come with a soft talk.
@melmel8907 3 жыл бұрын
Same here. Drop off guy is totally him. Me doing the work - again. "He's not my guy" is totally what I needed to here.
@makeitcount2985 4 жыл бұрын
It's easy if they are emotionally invested elsewhere don't give them the time of day and don't give them your body. You deserve better, he's simply not your guy. Also remember that if he gets with someone else it's because they are weaker than you and these men prey on weak women.
@constance6761 Жыл бұрын
This helps me a little because in the beginning he was angry bc I said stop when we were kissing.I explained it nicely to him that in the past I was forced with violence so if I say stop it's just my instinct and If he gives me space it will be ok for me to get comfortable. But he didn't give me the chance he yelled that I can't enjoy and then say stop. I replied: "I can always say stop, just like you can say stop! This is disrespectful." He got up and left with the words 'you blow my mind'. I felt abandoned and hurt feeling bad all day. Later he texted that we could talk about it later bc it was all a misunderstanding.. So I was relieved....my fairytale was still alive. One month later he walked away again and this time foregood. I didn't deny myself which caused him to run so your comment makes me feel more worthy again ✌️
@Anna-xg6lv 4 жыл бұрын
My experience is guys who move to fast...are drama...and leave just as fast.
@maragirl1658 3 жыл бұрын
I have had two drop off guys in my life and both left me confused and feeling like I did something wrong. The drop off is steep like a roller coaster 🎢. The thing both had in common is they were going way too fast in terms of talking about our future together. They both brought it up before we had enough time to get to know each other. Good luck ladies!
@SS-in1ts Жыл бұрын
💯 same HERE.
@MilkPudding 4 жыл бұрын
Thanks for pointing it out. "Drop-off guy" is just a guy who doesn't know what he wants/ wants everything at the same time. (E.g. he wants the depth of connection with someone but also the thrill of getting together with new people) And he can't change by having the woman sticking around.
@songsforsale427 4 жыл бұрын
Exactly what happened to me. Absoultely devestating
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Sorry it was so devestating. 🙏
@user-fi4mh9re9c 4 жыл бұрын
After 2 weeks of absence run for your life, if you want to be a high value woman. Women must not put their heart to their sleevs, cause they have a life to live, above all guys. Be first lovable always for themseves.
@clairesnibbe1878 4 жыл бұрын
I know a man just like this - he is still looking for his ideal woman. I have been in contact with him/been his lover for 4 years despite all his periods of disconnection. The worst is that he tells me what he is looking for - a special, cultured, patient woman which immediately makes me feel that I possess none of these attributes even though I do! I have abandoned all hope of being in his arms again, let alone having a future together. I am sober at least. But really just to say that your video resonated with me especially where you mention the heart ache such a man can cause.
@LeafsIn2024 4 жыл бұрын
This is a very important message everyone should hear and even share with him to listen to, to avoid more drama. Thank you, Jack. Well done!
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Appreciate that! Thank you!
@LeafsIn2024 4 жыл бұрын
@@thejackbutler You're welcome, Jack. Excellent information and passionate presentation! (Listening, learning and practising. Please continue to teach! A.MacDonald)
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Amanda TML23 I appreciate that, I intend to! ☺️
@ayanaj1006 4 жыл бұрын
So true, Jack, no sense wasting energy if he just disappears--not my guy!
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Right on! 🙏
@plfcowgirlval 2 жыл бұрын
You can never FORCE feelings. They are either there or not. Sad but true.
@thejackbutler 2 жыл бұрын
To our authentic feelings
@andreamartin2953 4 жыл бұрын
I think it is cool that it looks like Jack is talking with me, like the two of us are sitting and talking about this, lol. Pretty cool.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Andrea Martin Glad the composition is working for you 😊
@kelliejans1853 4 жыл бұрын
This is so true. It’s a hard truth!
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
KELLIE JANS Yes, I get that it can be really hard. And worthwhile!
@harrietkaplan3166 3 жыл бұрын
This is so hard!
@marritbrouwer226 3 жыл бұрын
It felt nice in the beginning I was really starting to open up and then he smashed my confidence. My gut was telling me he was sabotaging the relationship, but I felt so confused because he kept saying he wants to be with me and needs me.
@thejackbutler 3 жыл бұрын
Sorry you had a crushing experience. Hope there’s something in there for you, maybe trusting yourself more deeply?
@dvillebenny1445 3 жыл бұрын
Don't waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't want to waste their time and energy on you.
@jazibasi6677 4 жыл бұрын
Yes! We as women care too much about the why. I been there. Just take the underlying message that he just isn't into you anymore and "he is just not your guy". Thank You ! Mental clarity is always a blessing.
@sabrinamobley5485 4 жыл бұрын
So helpful for me right now! Have been lamenting for weeks over what I did. There have been signs from the beginning. He’s not the guy. Thank you.
@EmilyIsHere1111 4 жыл бұрын
Drop off guys are cruel people.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Emily Chan Maybe. Maybe there could be better communication. And there is also possibly something real about drop off guy’s experience?
@Equitable_Street_Access_SF 3 жыл бұрын
Something real? What is that supposed to mean? Drop off guy (or girl) is plain cruelty. Nothing more nothing less.
@vlj9013 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you Jack, 3 or 4 months can burn a lot of dropoff guys away
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Yes right? 🙏
@danafriedella480 4 жыл бұрын
It happened to me few months ago. I let him go and it hurts. Turns out he wanted to be someone else's guy. Your right I blamed myself and worried what I did wrong. Great video.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Dana Friedella Thank you - glad you are noticing you blamed yourself and wish you well in relaxing that 🙏
@makeitcount2985 4 жыл бұрын
She will get the same treatment
@aliciabee2781 4 жыл бұрын
You and me both😳😳😳😳😳😳.
@bettaskjold 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for the absolute truth ❤️. Now I’m afraid of all guys ..
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Maybe hold it as an opportunity to learn how to trust yourself about which guys are trustworthy 🙏
@bellabong8862 4 жыл бұрын
Wow, Rebecca. I feel exactly the same as you.
@curiousgirl67 4 жыл бұрын
Why do they wait till that moment when you let your guard down and allow the feelings? I ve been really hurt in the past and I'm careful who I let into my heart but it's like they know x
@ak-47intelligence75 4 жыл бұрын
Cause you're vulnerable after you let your guard down. Keep your guard up. Forever. This is a job you cannot retire from. Guard your heart. It's yours.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Most men/people want deeper connection and intimacy. Guys may have less need for a container/agreement for that to be in.
@melmel8907 3 жыл бұрын
Kim - I agree.
@Jennifer-di4nl 3 жыл бұрын
@@thejackbutler I don't understand
@thejackbutler 3 жыл бұрын
@@Jennifer-di4nl In gross generalization, guys may be more comfortable than women with intimacy without commitment
@Evie-od2lg 2 жыл бұрын
I just lived this for 3 months and got out of it last week!! 🤯 Thanks so much for this video!! It was the strangest thing and so confusing!!!
@thejackbutler 2 жыл бұрын
I hear you. Hopefully easy to see it if you come into contact with it again in future
@Evie-od2lg 2 жыл бұрын
I hope so....and this is after getting out of a narcissistic marriage. I thought it was the right time. I guess I'm not strong enough yet, but Im still learning. Thank you for what you do!!
@dorisdandy 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you 🙏 it feels like I'm talking to a very good friend. I'm 2 months into dating this guy and I'm scared. I AM "prone to believing and having the rug pulled" from me. And thank you for reminding me to trust my intuition. It's my only trade in this. I'm enjoying the process but I'm at the same time, vigilant.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Wishing you right discernment with this guy 🙏
@dorisdandy 4 жыл бұрын
@@thejackbutler well, I sobered up and I didn't wait long. I followed my intuition and asked for facts. I saw the facts as they are and decided to check out. It's difficult, scary, and I miss him. But I also cannot compromise my integrity and the kind of person I want to be. Thanks to you and your channel, we are constantly reminded of our worth and how to take action. 🙏
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
diadel922 Sounds like you did a really good job 😊
@valerierobertson8303 4 жыл бұрын
A great quote from whom I don't remember..maybe from you.... " a confused man is a dangerous man."
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Valerie Robertson Oh I get the essence of that!, though I don’t think it’s mine
@annematthews7139 3 жыл бұрын
What a sweetheart you are. Your genuine concern comes across.
@thejackbutler 3 жыл бұрын
☺️
@livelovelaughforever2131 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I praise these videos. You have helped me evolve out of all these empty relationships into a loving and reciprocal commitment with a man I married a few months ago. I spent months listening to these videos and it was pivotal in helping me completely disconnect from “drop off guy”....there was a quieter, not as assertive or flashy guy in the background that I had put in the friend zone. I began to see his staying power and stepped out in faith. He is now my husband. Thank you again! ❤️
@jill5188 4 жыл бұрын
Your message feels so right and I know it is true. It does hurt😐 but your videos inspire me. Thank you Jack. ☺️🌻
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Jill Johansen Appreciate that reflection - and happy to be inspiring you 🙏
@AprilCarterVPRILCVRTER 4 жыл бұрын
This was incredibly articulated. Thank you.
@HugDealer 4 жыл бұрын
I think a lot of these ghosting episodes are done by narcissists. So they are a narcissist discard. I think to prevent future similar events, one can test how open and authentic the other person is to difficult conversations and to show awareness of their shadow sides (parts of themselves they tend to repress and are ashamed of). Still, covert narcissists are hard to spot and they do the typical ghosting / discard often too
@gingersky2505 4 жыл бұрын
Brilliant video that found me today.. right after I was dumped by a drop off guy for another woman.. I am in a healing process now..
@Tam438 4 жыл бұрын
This was so hard to hear, but so much wisdom here...Thank you
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
I get it - and thank you 🙏
@Cheshire_Cat_007 3 жыл бұрын
Amazing insights. Thank you Jack. This reminds me of the saying that "a man can fake an entire relationship" which is something you don't mention in this video. The truth is that without honesty, any intimacy cannot be and is not consensual. People need to wake up to this as in some parts of the world this is legislated as a crime. Perhaps you could expand on this in a future episode.
@elizabethheirtzlerdds2891 Жыл бұрын
Jack, you have my respect and appreciation for translating all your knowledge/education and clinical expertise into a comforting clarity aimed at fostering discernment in our relationship journies. Thank you. I have benefitted greatly from your coaching. Best of life to you. .
@thejackbutler Жыл бұрын
Appreciate the reflection. Tnx for tuning in 🙏
@louisetracz3924 4 жыл бұрын
WOW---you covered most of the bases----how we as women think and want to fix it or blame ourselves---or Sherlock Holmes it ad nauseum--the time-wasting the self recrimination the self responsibility to change it into what we need it to be-----GREAT but the bestest is that you focused on moving forward and how to change the self-talk into something healing yet understanding how excruciating the pain and abandonment issues are---100%---wow ---feel better knowing I am not alone and that that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel---detaching while continuing is my project now---cold turkey too hard---appreciate you completing the picture without blame on either end---wow Jack awesome relief in knowing !!!
@runner399 3 жыл бұрын
Your reality checks in your various videos have become increasingly valuable the more I keep watching them. Thank you for your in-depth and genuine advice.
@alchristian2010 4 жыл бұрын
Thanks Jack for the reminder, and good timing 😊 🙏❤️ “he’s not your guy”
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
You're welcome!
@rebecca9949 2 жыл бұрын
god this gives me so much clarity. There's no mystery to it, there's no reason to keep running around and around in my head about it and questioning if I could have done something differently. It doesn't say anything about *me*. He's just drop off guy. Not a bad person, just a guy who doesn't know what he wants.
@thejackbutler 2 жыл бұрын
That’s it, well said 🙏
@Nicole-is-global 4 жыл бұрын
Jack, your timing is mind-blowing. All your videos are genius and I look forward to your webinar.
@tasrajwani 4 жыл бұрын
"Drop-off guy has run out of the building". I love that. Lol. I now say continue running to any drop-off guys. :-) Great video. Thanks, Jack
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Ha! Yes! And thank you 🙏
@rosenblau 4 жыл бұрын
I'm going through this right now... very difficult... I've known him for two years as friend, he's been there for me and in the first months of the relationship, he was perfect.. in March 2019 he began to prioritize work.this is his first relationship after abuse and I've been projecting my own wounds on him as I'm an anxious type and blaming him for neglect at the worst moment which ended up in him dumping me. Now we are seeing each other. He said he made a mistake and wasn't thinking when dumping me... said he loves me, then disappeared for 3 weeks. When he got back, I communicated that for now I want one date in the week, he agreed when realizing he'd lose me and so far he's consistent with that, unfortunately I hear nothing during the rest of the week and yet before the breakup he texted daily but was flaky on quality time. Thank you for the video, I will keep it in mind and work on myself, my communication and firmer boundaries... I've been hunting for too long and got too attached, unable to walk away...
@micyclechick2086 4 жыл бұрын
Hi Jack. As always, superb content. I've noticed a common theme in your videos...trust yourself, live in and deal with reality (sobriety), your guy won't leave if you "mess up" and he won't confuse you. Keep doing what you're doing!
@schirley1267 4 жыл бұрын
this is so sad, I feel like we can't actually be with a person we really like.....
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
I think we can - it's just a guy who actually wants to do something committed.
@mcovelloful 4 жыл бұрын
Schirley Noumba I agree. Don’t want to settle for somebody that’s into me if I’m not into them. That’s not right for either of us. But it breaks my heart because I still love my no-show guy also
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
@@mcovelloful Yeah, loving someone and them being a good partner choice are two different things
@ramirenriquez6795 4 жыл бұрын
You know what, you got the thought I couldn't say but was feeling while watching this. Also, at the same time, we just never know until we get to the situation ourselves, or ruminate on the "what if".
@lindsey9460 4 жыл бұрын
i am honestly so so so tired of all these things/actions/games/confused men/immature....can i once and for all get someone
@mab3900 Жыл бұрын
This describes the relationship I recently had. It was one of the most damaging relationship I've ever lived. I really thought he was genuinely into me.
@claudianobrega7684 4 жыл бұрын
Welcome back Jack! You are absolutely right, we need to take time to really see the quality of a connection. I have been noticing so many of us just focus too much on words trying to interpret them but actions speak louder than even the most beautiful words. As women, we have a very powerful intuition we tend to ignore when we get all wrapped up in our emotions. So I truly believe it's important to work on our emotional intelligence, personal and spiritual development and don't assume anything about anyone and witness the truth being reveled gradually so we can make a conscious choice. Sharing our life with someone is a big deal so we need to be sober enough to decide what's best for us. Thanks for making me more aware of what I deserve.
@espielopez3755 4 жыл бұрын
Very well said Claudia!
@cynthiarunge4858 4 жыл бұрын
Give it back...and move on
@summergriffith1798 Жыл бұрын
I feel like you're speaking directly to me. Thank you for this.
@thejackbutler Жыл бұрын
Happy it was landing directly for you 🙏
@bluequeenlove8761 4 жыл бұрын
Thanks Jack you did it again you help me sort out something that was on my mind concerning the moron that was getting on my nerves
@PournimaB 4 жыл бұрын
Makes me feel this video was made perfectly for me. I feel heartbroken, but I do understand I deserve better. Way better. I need to grieve and be grateful for being saved from a relationship where I was the only one present. I don't know what happened and he suddenly withdrew energy out of the relationship(!). I could feel it for a really long time, yet I let my intuition fade in background and believed his words. But a lesson well learnt. Thank you so much for being a strong support for me, and many women like me.
@majorgirl3465 4 жыл бұрын
Always good advise Jack. You tell us to use great tools, and what to watch out for. Now I just do not wanna be open anymore
@AroundTheWorldWithSeezal 4 жыл бұрын
Thanks Jack. Sobering. . Needed this spot on advice..... AGAIN!
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
You're super welcome! 🙏
@carolw1624 3 жыл бұрын
This hit me on the head and woke me up. I just went and blocked him from all contact points. Not that he will come back but this will prevent him from just in case. Thanks
@pure-pisces9470 4 жыл бұрын
Yep just went through this, confusing, manipulating & painful! Spot on thankyou!!
@theforg8014 4 жыл бұрын
Thanks for having no commercials jack
@marevagodfrey7529 Жыл бұрын
So abundantly true! Spent almost 4 years convincing myself that he was my guy, not noticing that I was leading the conversations and he was fending them off without being clear. Finally I dropped him. Huge painful lesson, but I've learned it. One huge AHA was that when men say something future-related it doesn't usually mean the same as when a woman says it. For example, he would say, "Someday you can decorate our to your hearts content," and if I said to a guy, "Someday you can do our home projects to your heart's content," it would not be to placate him.
@lucyluz1651 4 жыл бұрын
I’ve missed your videos ...they always enlighten situations and I am able to stay disconnected from these men. They either step up or I walk off 😉😂😊 keep it going JACK!!! ❤️
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the encouragement! 🙏🙏
@SS-in1ts Жыл бұрын
Months later he says his feelings haven’t changed for me yet he went back to his “horrible” ex. EYE rollllllllll.
@thejackbutler Жыл бұрын
Sounds like time to move on?
@SS-in1ts Жыл бұрын
@@thejackbutler definitely and with the help of your videos to support my decision. But I’m having to brainwash myself into thinking he’s a decent guy for my own peace because our sons are best friends so I will continue bumping in to him and don’t want to cringe as hard as I currently am. Thank you for your reply:)
@thejackbutler Жыл бұрын
@@SS-in1ts I hear that’s a tricky situation. Maybe you can just see him as he is, likely a mix of gifts and flaws, like all of us?
@alikidimitriadis5138 4 жыл бұрын
This has happened with every guy I’ve started chatting to in the last 4 months .., is it something in the water??!!!
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
I wouldn't get too disheartened. Just notice if there's something alluring about unavailable men or if there's anything blocking you to available men?
@alikidimitriadis5138 4 жыл бұрын
Jack Butler I wish I could answer that... hence my studying up on the subject!! I just think that so many have the same pattern which tells me it’s a phenomenon! Thank you for your reply 👍🏻
@toscadonna 4 жыл бұрын
Aliki Dimitriadis 4 months? Try 14 years for me. This is standard male behavior these days.
@alikidimitriadis5138 4 жыл бұрын
tosca donna wow, really??? I’ve been single for many years but only tried to get into dating pool last couple of months. Quite exhausting!! So what do we do then??? We can’t lower our standards or values, for one.
@alikidimitriadis5138 4 жыл бұрын
Beauty and Fashion By Erika ...sad but too true 😑
@pt8436 4 жыл бұрын
Amazing!! Thank you so much !! It’s exactly what happen to me in the past week. I’ve followed my intuition and terminated the relationship and contact. This such a confirmation I’ve done the right thing! I’m so grateful for you work. I love your advise 🙏🏻
@renee6814 4 жыл бұрын
So much good info here and perfect time for me to hear it! Great advice to move out of the analysis of “why” to “this is what has happened”. My favorite: “Yeah, my intuition tells me that inconsistent guy isn’t suddenly going to learn consistency with me.” 👈🏻 Really good stuff! Thank you, Jack!
@catherinearnott4903 4 жыл бұрын
Oh my goodness. So there's no way a woman will ever know until we have already been hurt with a drop off guy. So we just don't know. So we can't trust. We wouldn't know until we get hurt. Great videos thank you so much. Felt sleepy earlier. Subscribed straight away. I did see you on a female coach video. Keep safe in these difficult times. Thank you.
@asit1 Жыл бұрын
Thanks. I just am going through this and this video is really the100 watt bulb in the room.
@thejackbutler Жыл бұрын
V happy to hear that
@Mimi-ni3il 4 жыл бұрын
Jack you are the best. I love the playful, truthful language of "drop off" guy :) It helps when I start to loop about an ex. Helps me to stop in my tracks and go back to my side of the fence! The guy that did this when I started dating after my marriage was super successful in his career and i realized after some of your videos that this was his due diligence strategy (and boy it was impressive ! LOL). I look back and see now what it was. I am much better with my intuition now and have been able to co create a really nice relationship with my new guy. I observed my new guy's actions over 6 months and all of it was building/growing our connection and investing more in many ways and I noticed how I FELT when I was with him.
@devonrexcatz 4 жыл бұрын
I've been involved with guys who say "I love you but I'm not in love with you" and "I love you but my future isn't with you" and they've given a reason why. I've been fortunate enough to be given the truth but it still made it difficult after months of thinking it was going somewhere before they spoke up xx
@pdxflowergirl9386 4 жыл бұрын
devonrexcatz i think that shows you are open to true intimacy and connection- truth and reality. You are soon to meet your guy, I suspect! Good luck!
@devonrexcatz 4 жыл бұрын
@@pdxflowergirl9386 Thankyou xx
@Unit68 Жыл бұрын
I clicked on this to check which red flag I was bound to have had a relationship with already. My red flag detector doesn't work. Thanks to Jack for helping the clueless like myself navigate through them.
@thejackbutler Жыл бұрын
So you could practise imagining there may be red flags until you have discerned otherwise?
@socol76 Жыл бұрын
Thank you, I needed to hear this very badly.
@thejackbutler Жыл бұрын
Right on
@PolarBear-mj9wt 4 жыл бұрын
I noticed men LOVE using work as an excuse to be busy then drop off
@maggiewanjiru2807 4 жыл бұрын
Jack, as always thank you very much. I heard you and now I guess I must pray for strength to get through it all such as so much pain and heartaches of the past and all that is to come. Jack, I believe that all the pain of doubt must end, like I know well that all our situations, good or bad will pass some day.
@Annahgiel9260 4 жыл бұрын
Jack, your videos are so deep and helpful. Heartbreakingly, I just had one of these abruptly cut things off with me after 6 months. He was super connected, acted like he loved time with me, had said we were exclusive months ago. Then poof- out of the blue he said he had feelings for me but didn’t know if it was a yes or no- and just left. It’s like you’re hit by a bus. He was also super emotional when he did it. I believe he had unresolved feelings from an ex.
@Bethms123 4 жыл бұрын
As always, stellar content. I got a lot out of this today... the distinction between convenience and commitment was poignant. Thank you!
@paulaparkman5127 4 жыл бұрын
As much as the truth hurts sometimes, it still needs to be said. Thank you 🙏 Jack.
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
Yeah, well said 🙏
@paulaparkman5127 4 жыл бұрын
Jack Butler you said it well my friend!
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
@@paulaparkman5127 Well mutually well said!
@user-ee4xu9lh4k 4 жыл бұрын
I wish I had seen this a month ago when this happened to me. Your explanation is far more clear than all of the other videos on this topic. And maybe the hard work I've been doing to give myself space and time to process (something I didn't know how to do before) has also made it easier to digest. I hope now that I've done this work and been able to resonate with what you said here, that I will be less likely to be in the same position in the future and more able to handle it better if I do. Thank you for this phenomenal explanation!!! The words you said were the things I'd been wondering through the whole experience and just the right ones to finally fully release him from my mind! Thank you for that last piece of clarity! You do great work Jack! This video helped me see the progress I've been making which is really encouraging!
@jolie8180 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you Jack....I have to say you're my favorite of all the relationship coaches because your advice is always sound and practical while your approach just so casual and like talking with a friend 😊 wishing you lots of success and continued growth for 2020 🎉👏
@hazelbranzville8867 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, Jack. I needed to hear this and be realistic. It gave me some form of relief and understanding. Appreciate it a lot. 💙
@thejackbutler 4 жыл бұрын
You're welcome - thanks for the appreciation :)
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