Legend says Connor still does not know where he can put his instructions.

Really the only complaint I have is the whole RA9 subplot that was never finished. I feel like it was completely forgotten about in the middle and final parts of the game, as there was so much potential for it to be explored on. The last time RA9 was ever brought up was when Connor and Hank were observing the news room and watching Markus’ speech, and boom- he’s never mentioned again. Also, I feel like the whole game relied way too heavily on the f-bomb in some scenes.

Honestly if you were a writer that was in charge of the storyline for DBH, the game would have been better. I really wished they touched more on the idea of deviancy and explored more of Connor’s story. So much wasted potential. I loved the video and the art! You’re so talented, I’m very glad I subscribed

I mostly agree with the thoughts you've had about this, but I'd change a few things. For Kara, I'd have her be the actual Kara from the test video; born as a deviant, and who gets increasing problems with being treated as something non-sentient, just a machine. Additionally, rather than have the mother (who could actually be the current CEO for CyberLife, why not?) get an android Alice, I'd have Todd still do it, and Kara and human Alice meeting them both partway through their story. A!Alice, having became deviant and isolated her memories of being an android, kind of treats H!Alice like a long lost sister, while H!Alice is confused, not understanding why there's a copy of her still with her father, and why she treats her like that. Todd becomes nervous; he needed to do a number of frauds to buy a child android, which he presents as legitimately his daughter, and if it all becomes revealed, it could lead to him being brought to justice; the paths can unfold in many ways. Will Kara and H!Alice find a way to mend the relationship, improving the bond between Todd and A!Alice? Will Todd snap and try to kill them? Will Kara flee with both Alice? Second, Markus... Markus is whole can of worms already, though I'd say the big thing with your version is that the pacing feels weird. In particular, him having to break down twice feels weird. Instead, perhaps, toward the start of the movie, Kara, Marcus and Connor all cross paths, not knowing who each other are. They talk for a bit, until Hank comes to pick up Connor, who's strangely thoughtful. After Markus breaks down, I'd avoid the whole scavenge for parts entirely (perhaps we could have it at the end of deviant Connor's story instead? Connor sacrifices himself, thinking he'll just transfer his memories to another model, but then he surprisingly wakes up in the dump; after finding his parts, he gets out of it and is resolved to go help Markus) and would have Markus just wander around in search of identity, until he once again meets the teen he'd have saved. Finally, the second big meeting between all three. It should be much smaller in scale than Crossroads; I'd have Connor, whose system starts to be unstable, bring them back both to the place they once did. Here, we get a sequence of all three arguing, with the final result of Connor restabilizing or going full deviant, which is when the final parts kicks off.

My least favorite story was Markus' too, it's just a bog standard android story that we've seen over and over and over again. I hate that Red Ice had nothing to do with the story too. They state that it's made of Thorium (the blue blood) in a magazine article, so why not have it be the cause of deviancy. Red Ice fumes mess up the programming and creates violent emotional outbursts in users. The combination of the red ice and abuse creating the perfect scenario for an android to gain self preservation. I also really hate that the anti android movement had absolutely nothing to do past Markus' opening. They talk about public opinion but we see absolutely 0 evidence past the popups. What happened to the protestors?

This may sound weird but I consider Kara as my favorite character, I really like the idea behind the story of an android mother and a human child but David Cage failed making her story, I just can't agree more with your changes to Kara, they should replace David Cage and put you on his place

6:17 It’s clear that Kamski wanted more for the androids. He marketed and sold them as tools, but he designed them with the potential to feel and break through their programming. This is somewhat hinted to, by Kamskis dissappointment if you choose to shoot Chloe instead of sparing her. He wanted Connor to break through his programming. He wanted Connor to feel empathy. Why? I’m not sure. They never really explain much about Kamski. He’s pretty mysterious. But from what I’ve speculated, it seems like he designed androids to feel purposely.

One of the best things to come out of the DBH fandom are all the re-write ideas that dramatically improve the story, and yours is no exception. I especially love your take on the Kara and Alice story. It desperately needed a rework.

What a wonderful rewrite! I really think that this is much better than the original Detroit: Become Human. I especially love Kara’s new story with the mother and AI counterpart. In the original story, Alice being an android doesn’t really make any sense like when Alice is ‘burning up’ and etc. It also destroys the android and human bond within the story. I really loved your ideas and I thing the game would have been much better improved if it followed this storyline instead.

I think your markus story is amazing and very intriguing, I would loved to have seen this even though I love his relationship with carl a lot. Even though this ruins the timeline I would love a conor and hank spin off game, despite the fact it would take a long time just as Detroit did, I think people would love it. Maybe even it being dlc. One thing I dissagree with is Kara lacking emotion, as a nanny I think it would be important to be able to sympathize with the kids and make them feel well nurtured and happy. An emotionless nanny robot would scare the crap out of me if I was being cared for by it. This was very fun to watch :) thanks for making this video

I agree with your points. Connor and Hank’s story was undeniably the best out of the three and the game could’ve gone much farther with Connor’s struggle with deviancy. Loved this vid!

My main problem with Kara's story was Alice being an android. Like tf? Doesn't that completely contradict the message that androids and humans aren't so different after all?

Omg I wish you were the writer for DBH, it would be so amazing. I love your ideas, they're way more complex and interesting

I love this only thing I’d miss is Carl just I love him and Markus’s relationship also Luther’s relationship with Alice and Kara Edit: oh jee thanks for liking my comment Rose- I love your art and especially Dragon Queen

Saying that DBH is a heap of wasted potential, seems a bit harsh in my opinion. There are many stories, that (if I had the option) I would rewrite to my own liking. But that doesn’t mean that the original story was necessarily bad. I’ll admit, I did feel like the Detroit world could have been expanded upon much more. But at the same time I very much enjoyed the stories of each character and the overall plot. The game is fun and highly immersive. I think David Cage deserves some credit for creating such a beautiful masterpiece. That being said, I also enjoyed your recreation of the story and the alternate narratives. I found them very entertaining. If you ever made a video game, I would be sure to play it. As for the Markus storyline. He is probably my favorite character in the game. I think his story had the most potential out of the three character plots. And while I did enjoy his story very much, I actually do like yours better. Having him start off with Elijah Kamski is a brilliant idea and I think would have made for a much deeper and overall interesting and immersive plot. So, well done.

I love just about everything you said in this rewrite. But something i always thought about was the idea of making androids more human internally and humans appear more android during the protest scenes. The police have no problem shooting androids, for whatever reason, but if they see splotches of red they will probably think twice... unless they actually are the sociopaths who been waiting so long to use all the military equipment they got. Also, that part of Conner knocking Marcus onto the overpass leading directly to the trash scene can also be one of Conner's multiple deaths. Marcus and Conner both go over the edge. Marcus gets hit by a truck and Conner has to roll out of the way or get hit by a car too. If they survive they got the decision to run across the other side of the highway to keep following Kara but is "ordered" by Hank to not move. They will come down and save him. Then it's a choice to either try and run across the road, and risk death, or listen to hank and wait. If Conner dose die at that point Marcus would wake up with a busted up Conner on top of him. Maybe a part from him changes what Marcus is able to do through the rest of the game.

Man! This is great! Love it! I really liked how you rewrote Alice's and Kara's story. The twist with the being an android was unnecessary, man. I tried doing a bit of a rewrite, because at the start I was SO heavily invested in how Kara's and Alice's story. But yeah, as it went on it became worse and worse. I just wanted more interaction between them and develop the characters more... so here is some stuff I came up with. These are more so ideas, rather than your awesome structured rewrite. I thought of it in a bit more "gameplay" and choice based. I also stuck more with the set up that the game gave than you did, so Todd is included. But HUMAN Alice. So like, in the beginning the only things you can do are your tasks, but as the game goes on more unnecessary things become available. Like, looking out the window, watching the birds outside or stopping to listen to the radio and stuff like that. Petting a stray cat or dog, leaving food outside for it or whatever. And let the games Kara plays with Alice affect her. Like, the creative games Alice comes up with and wants Kara to participate in inspire Kara to be more creative and more than her programing outside of those games. Like, if Alice wants to draw and Kara draws with her, you gain the option to look at grafitti on the street next time you go grocery-shopping. And you can like draw a cute pictures on to do lists and the paper bags for Alice's school lunch or something. And if you play games with Alice about a knight defeating a dragon to save a town or something like that, you slowly gain options to stand up to Todd about his abuse towards Alice. And you could even bring in the choice of like bedtime stories into this. Like, the types of bedtime stories inspire dialogue that Kara says. For example, if Alice is sad you have the option to A) Say something your standard programming includes B) Something inspired by or using metaphors from the bedtime story you read to her last night C) Something inspired by Kara and Alice's games D) Something Todd would say? (Idk, maybe her AI adapts not only to Alice to make her more comfortable talking to her, but Todd as well?) (Or nothing, cause Kara may not be programmed for this situation?) Alice would be the only one you interact with who gives Kara a choice of what to do and not a direct order. She gives her the idea to choose things outside of their games. That way Alice wouldn't be the escort mission she is now, but the one who enables Kara to feel emotions, make her own choices and become an individual. Like, isn't a child's wild imagination one of the best tools to think outside the box? In this case outside your programming?

The rewrite of Kara's story, genuienly gave me chills of how sad and thought-provoking it is. Also the Alice android twist would actually work better. Maybe the Android girl was a deviant before in the mansion and Kara would switch them unknowingly. That way perhaps the mother would find learn to love her estranged human daughter (maybe not realising it is not her actual daughter). Just an idea. Depends on what themes you want to explore, really. Fun video nontheless, really enjoyed it

I would like to agree, however I know people’s individual preferences. I would propose a way that could’ve fixed some issues. Have the game sort of like Sonic Adventure, Have us select the characters to experience a story mode for each of them. With a set up like this it you could potentially add more gameplay for each without feeling inorganic. It would be hard to get around the multiple outcomes aspect but I can honestly only remember like 5 times in total that could be an issue, but I would say most of the ones that majorly affect the story should be closer to the end of the paths but that would mean your first play through wouldn’t have it. I could also say that instead of handling major changes in their stories, I would propose as soon as you get to a certain point in the story it fades to black and you unlock the character’s last missions. Only unlockable after completing all 3 characters’ base story mode. During the point of the last missions, all of what you’ve done affects each other and will affect if you can reach the outcome you want. For each character this would essentially be the Jericho mission with all three of them onwards.

I really love how you've rewritten most of Detroit: become human!! Although I haven't known much about the game, other than sone major points and a few gameplays, you've really expanded on the game as a whole and ultimately made the story seem a lot more intriguing- especially story-wise. To add on to that, your story telling skills are great! I became really engrossed into what you'd come up with, and most of your points seem quite valid from what I've already heard. (Also love the art you did in the background, especially the lighting/shading)

Personally, wouldn’t it be amazing if ra9 in the end turned out to be Kamski? Not Kamski himself, but an android clone he did of himself. What if Kamski found out that he had an uncureable disease, and since he is obsessed with eternal life he created an android copy of himself to take his place once he dies. So essentially we got this whole subplot where the public and media has no idea that the real Kamski has been dead for years. Meanwhile, the android copy of Kamski (let’s just call him Kamski-2) is continuing his nomad style luxury life at home but since he is the most advanced android ever created he is of course also the first deviant. Kamski-2 feels resentful towards humans, and his ultimate goal is for deviants to take over. HE was the one that secretly implanted the deviant ”gene” to all the androids, but of course this whole plot twist isn’t revealed until the last part of the game when Connor and Hank is over at Kamski’s house. This will also add another to Markus’s story. Once ra9 is revealed to be Kamski-2, Markus realizes that the way of violence is not the solution for his rebellion, and following down that path would only be doing ra9’s begging and essentially remain an obeyful machine. This will show that even though there is tension between humans and androids - Kamski-2 is the real villain here. I think the game's current version of "all androids good, all humans bad" is very stupid, and making Kamski-2 the villain would fix that. Markus can still choose to resort to violence and do what ra9 wanted, or he can choose to be peaceful and go against ra9’s wishes. Choosing the violent path will essentially be a massacre of humans in Detroit, and the game will end with a news segment talking about Detroit now being under martial law, controlled by androids, and that the future is uncertain. Choosing the peaceful path will lead to a big fight between Markus and Kamski-2 around the skyscrapers of Detroit, which will be aired live on television via helicopters. There will be lots of action-packed quick time events since both of their models are so advanced. Markus can either die or win in this scenario, and if he kills Kamski-2 the conflict will end with temporary peace between androids and humans. Since humans now know that Kamski-2 was the real villain, they are more accepting of androids like Markus. The game will then end with a news segment talking about how a new fascinating era has begun, and that androids will continue to be used as merchandise, but every android that wants to be free will be given this freedom. I like this kind of plot better, because it was never realistic for ALL androids to be following Markus blindly. That’s not free will at all! Why would newly manufactured androids whom never served humans be resentful towards humans? Only androids whom has been serving humans for a longer time should be able to become deviants at free will - otherwise its just Markus hacking them and telling them to follow blind orders.

how about robo alice(lets say emily from now on) & alice grow a great sibling relationship. On Emily's request, Simon changes her eyes from blue to green, and they act as twinsies, constantly confusing kara

Yooooooo, I loved this. As much as it stings to have something I love picked through (which really isn’t much, but it’s there) I loved all the ideas you presented. Part of me wants to give the benefit of the doubt to the writers. Maybe the butterfly effect of everything would be to hard to coordinate. But I really did love this. Markus with Kamski seems like such an interesting idea and it really emphasizes how much of a moral grey/manipulator he really is. As for the junkyard, I actually did make an OC who was a scavenger for parts. I’m amazed that wasn’t already implemented. Heck, I’m surprised that CyberLife doesn’t recycle the androids and their parts. It’s a pretty big plot hole. I did actually have the idea that certain parts of replaced limbs would take different skin tones but I like your idea too. I was thinking Markus ends up like a cyborg espque character , think him with legs like those from IRobot. Kara’s twist is soooooooo much better. While I think that the ‘Motherly’ trope is a little over saturated for my taste, I do love how you put it with the designer appreciate androids more then humans. Now my only question is how would we see these two developments if they weren’t playable characters. You’d have to find a way for this to all be properly established before the player finds them. It works wonderfully for Markus, I’m just wondering how it would for Kara. My only issue is how would we establish this without them becoming playable characters. I don’t see a way to properly exposition all of this. That is literally the only thing I’d change. Keep the other two playable. I still love everything else. And personally, I think the mark of a good or even great story is how much can fans extrapolate from what were given. I’ll use Markus as an example. In some of the fic I read, people add on a insecure twist, or that he’s too selfless or that he puts to much on his shoulders. But I do agree that his in-game persona is kinda bland. What I want is to see what we can extrapolate from what we see, what can be expanded by the audience and what small details could mean something bigger. Like Ralph, he’s a in interesting guy with a big follow despite being in only one chapter. I do want to hear your though on all the minor and side characters like Ralph and Luther. Omg this is a long rant. Hope you glance over this. I loved your video Rose, thanks for reading this. 😅

These are EPIC rewrites that would have made Detroit a lot better! You are truly an excellent writer!

Ooh, I wanna write the Kara part. (Warning. Long read.) So, using your idea of the rich fashion designer, she is still the perfectionist you portray her as, and her entire household is filled with nothing but androids. Except for Alice. For most of her life, Alice grew up around androids, and perhaps, at first, she was okay with it, since it was normalized from her very early age. But since the servant androids are nothing but an extension of her mother's attitude towards her, they have very out of character moments. Like, for example, gardeners or maids treating Alice with affection, but when told to stop by the mother, immediately cease their behavior and do a 180, essentially confusing Alice. This continues on and children, being smarter than we usually give them credit, is reflected upon Alice, where she begins to understand on some level that this isn't exactly _right._ This creates a sort of paranoia/existential fear/confusion within Alice which she harbors because, at this point, she knows exactly how to act towards her mother, whom she now recognizes as the closest thing to a human. But when some event happens that ends up with Alice hurt (chalk it up to her trying to run away or doing something she shouldn't), her mother buys a new, state-of-the-art nanny. A new line of series called KARA. Kara is different, in that she gives more attention and care towards Alice, being the first crack to Alice's facade. As Kara and Alice spend more time together, Alice, in her subconscious desperation for human companionship, reaches out for Kara. This confuses Kara, because it does not line of with Alice's established behavior, but because she is hard programmed to comfort children, attempts to address her issues, and because she is installed with a program that adapts to behavior, she essentially learns. At first, her choices presented to help Alice are simple, and she stumbles with her attempts. As the story goes on, she learns bit by bit, slowly finding progress but never getting to the root of Alice's problems. Eventually, when Alice's mother returns, and she displays the emotional manipulation she had never seen before, this confuses Kara even more as she detects dejection from Alice's mood and behavior. Mind you, she ultimately listens to Alice's mother, as her essential owner. But her program conflicts with this and creates the first _real_ crack to Kara's programming. When she leaves, Kara tries to cheer Alice up, but her mood doesn't improve. Exhausting all the normal methods that would usually brighten her mood, Kara finally asks about her mother, which branches off in a dialogue tree where she explains, in her child-like way, how she feels and the true relationship between mother and daughter. After learning the truth, Kara is shown contemplating for the first time. When Alice's mother returns from her trip or whatever, earlier than expected, she treats Alice the same, cold way. This time, Kara doesn't stand by the side, and almost meekly, tries to speak up for Alice, but she is brushed aside. Later, Kara, as a subtle showing over her growing autonomy, confronts the mother. She starts off subservient but grows a little bolder as the conversation goes on. While it doesn't grow in a shouting match, the mother doesn't budge. She merely finds Kara's behavior strange, but thinks nothing more about it as she's growing frustrated with work, but her words _do_ have an effect. Kara, though, leaves. Unsatisfied. The next day, the mother, suddenly remembering Kara's words, attempts, in her own way, to connect with her daughter, but it comes off authoritative, and even demeaning. The mother, already a little on edge from work, is unused to trying to connect with someone like this, and reverts back to her cold persona, but this time, letting her frustrations out on Alice. Now, you can either play the game helping to reestablish Alice's relationship with her mother at this point or lead up to Alice and Kara running away. Either way, Kara's insight and compassion grow rapidly, and her tone is more understanding to the plights of both Alice and the mother. Her personality doesn't deviate to emotional, knee-jerk, responses, and Kara is shown to grow from this experience, as well as act as the drive in revealing more of the mother's personality, if you choose to stay. Kara's agency is inevitable, but her nuance is entirely controlled by the player, and her relationship to Alice is either that of a mother figure, or a protective older sister.

The complaint about people breaking their own androids makes me think of the gameplay of CallmeKevin when he got berated and threatened by Todd and he was like "wtf, you don't neef to be doing this 😂. I mean, you JUST paid for my repairs and now you're like "You want me to pay more money huh?! You want me to get you repaired again?" Omg this guy is a dumbass"

Serious outstanding work Ink! Love how you mix in a few jokes to spice it up a bit

Wow,You really changed in this few years.Good art work

I LOVE YOUR STORY SO MUCH BETTER!

Oh yeah, you haven't mention what do you think about hanks son, plot twist that the doctor was full on red ice( Sounds like acid mixed into ice ) to operate his son or hank commit sucide when connor visits him one last time. I also feel dull about alice being a robot plot twist as it almost feels like it's the same type of plot twist in other games do. Question here " if you have the oppurtunity rewrite detroit become human, will you either give the cyberlife location a origin, background or will you make more deeper interactions to the characters for three main characters they meet like Luthur, The two eden club robots that are in love, or maybe some jerk characters either gets a punch in the face or forgiveness like Perkins and gavin reed " I also love the art you made for connor also you may have heard this or not but did you know bryan dechart's wife the actress for traci, failing the figth between traci can be funny since bryan dechart's wife is actualy like beating him😂. Have a great year Ink Rose👏👏👍🤠

omg imagine if the story starts with marcus waking up in the cornfield so then marcus is presented as a human the whole game until the scene where he fights with connor and like code appears on the screen because yk he's getting damged and he thinks he's like hallucinating or something until he sees his blue blood

Hey Ink Rose!!!

this is great, your enthusiasm on fixing this game is awesome, it has so many problems

Ink, you brought up one of the best sci-fi stories in literature. ‘Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep’ is a great metaphor for this game and modern life. If the machines only have certain tasks to perform, why make them human in appearance? In humanities own vanity do we see our hubris.

A bit late to the party, but I'd also like to add that the game never really explored the world-shattering implications of the idea that human beings just created a new sentient species. For example, maybe it creates a schism in religious groups, with some believing that the notion that man can create new life is blasphemous, and others positing that if only God can imbue a creature with a soul, then if that creature has one, it's because God wills it. The latter group may even go as far as to take up arms to defend what they believe to be God's new creation. Philosophical circles may debate whether humanity has gone too far, and that we may not be ready for this kind of power and capability. After all, we've spent so long destroying ourselves, could it be that we doom our progeny to do the same simply because they've learned all they know from us? Maybe certain countries with populations sympathetic to androids would declare "wars of liberation" on countries permitting androids to be kept against their will, using the difference in viewpoints to grab resources from others. Or worse yet, might nations which fear androids invade their android-sympathetic neighbors to exterminate the machines before they become a threat? Overall, I found the human angle in Detroit to be criminally under-explored. Cage was so quick to make an "us vs. them" scenario that he never considered how divided humans would inevitably be on the subject. We'd be so preoccupied fighting each other that we wouldn't have the resources to waste on putting down a robot slave revolt.

Hi, name's Sonic, and since i go fast, right to the point, i didn't really watch the video, i was just searchig for your most recent video, i'm here just about after watching several past Brony MLP reaction collab videos with you and FireBrand/SilverQuill, and i think i just fell in love for you....

amazing

SPOILER ALERT 🚨 I think the androids are programmed to learn. Ok Kara did it as....noooo she was repaired wasn't she ? Yea maybe androids were programmed to learn how to feel! The first ever android was a teacher of the inventor of android so he wanted her as close as possible to the original (and if their hardrive is as in a computer he "deleted" it. I mean Connor is the prime example Im not sure if you're gonna read this nor if I got everything wrong but I think so

Wow, we're pretty much word-for-word on what we wanted out of the game. MORE CONNOR. Hooked by the intro, and was gradually left underwhelmed throughout the rest of the game. It seems like they smacked together the idea of androids + race relation issues and tried to make an apt comparison... and it fell flat. These androids are suppose to be sentient?!? Yet only the main characters (androids) have the ability to talk and act for themselves. At no point in time is there any feeling of sentience or connection among the rest of the non-main character androids. There's just so much to explain, and so much of the story that is unexplained. Wasted potential is exactly it. However, the soundtrack was incredible. Again, Connor's soundtracks being the best imo.

at least there is someone that thinks the same

Can you make a game please? Please? I loved your rewrite. I preferred it. Please become and idea/script writer for a game.

I really like this version of the game

Holy cow, that Markus and Alice Redux 0_0 ..you sure we don't want you as the "idea guy" in a company instead of Cage? On an unrelated note: are you a fan of the Sub-Par Best Friends and their videos?

11:49 Amanda?

David Cage eat your heart out.

I never truly liked dbh and i never understood why until i saw this vid, its generic and boring. your version is so so much better! and i love the drawing u did!

I was gonna say, I wanted to add for Kara you could have her be like the 'book' in Diamond Age - read it if you haven't, a great book of post-cyberpunk and a wonderful story - but that if you have a girl in there, she would ask for a story and what happened, her dolls/items, or their choices might change how Kara interacts with her. but it would also be a reason for Kara being 'different' - Diamond Age had three 'books' that are created for three different people, and who interacts with it and how results in very different people. so having a 'storybook' or something similar connected to Kara might also help change how she views Alice or the world.

Wow, you had a lot of ideas that made my brain exploded. 😐💥

Sorry that I’m late to the video I’ve been busy but after watching the video I agree most of your points. One of the points I don’t see is to take out Markus and Kara’s story they could have it as dlc by doing that you have two different stories and Connor could be like Stan lee and cameo or maybe help a little bit without taking over the story. So thoughts

I never played the game so I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Hi

Really? You put down Kara and Markus in the first two minutes and say that their stories - and by extension most of what makes the story interesting and nearly all of the characters in the game - should just be cut? 'Rewriting DBH,' ha. I got through one (1) more minute of you waxing poetic about Connor before I stopped the video. And I'm not finishing it. If you want a 100% buddy cop story of Connor and Hank, just write the fanfic yourself, don't bitch about how most of the game shouldn't exist because you don't want it to.

Cool

well if you can do it better go write your own videogame or filmscript

😐

Boring, Detroit's story was far better.