And in a different accent

The source material is so much more crazy and trashy, and crazy violent, Christian HP would never.

I don't approve of this💅🏻 Witchcraft for life

this is christian Harry Potter in Russian-accent wing-dings

@@ZZZ0mbiee 😳

I imagined that meme of shrek's head edited on a bad CGI woman holding a flip phone- Underrated comment, my friend

I'm picturing the guy from the vdv song as his father now

@@pyraffin that's a whole new sentence my friend

"Нет ничего важнее, чем важность миссии 🐺☝🏻"

@@pyraffin WHY DO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT UR TALKING ABOUT

yes we stan polygamy

LMAO THIS IS ACCURATE

It's a polyam triad

Harry is in the sequel and he's weird even by fanfic standards

@@aurelius_varro WAIT WHAT SEQUEL!?

Orthodox Church too

@Mark Borok one good thing they did But I would've loved to see a sequel, like with that new film with Newt (I honestly don't remember how it's called)

Can confirm

"Provided b the Ministry of Culture" The last thing you will see before you die inside and get your soul slowly sucked out of your body.

@@michelletuband You have to rid of your soul, denounce Jesus and Motherland to experience anything provided by Ministry of Culture

mine said “GUYS IM SCREAMING”

Love that so much

@@nicholasbale-ford3184 yeah a lot of people do

@@nicholasbale-ford3184 i do :)

@@nicholasbale-ford3184 yeah, especially in Eastern Europe and Celtic lands. Older people generally, but many young people are learning the old ways. :)

ikrrrrr like give me a love like that

we love gay representation ❤❤

Did that make anyone else think of Drarry... or just me.

On russian fanfiction site called "Ficbook" we have a whole bunch of gay fics about them lool

@@nessie968 BRUH BAHAHAHA

Me: damn it, it is a literally Joeffrey from Game of Thrones! BTW, this is expain a lot

Metal fan reviewer: Beavis

It's Neil Patrick Harris

Let's not forget that the bald teacher looks like Prince Philip.

@@michelletuband he looks like a dead body?

Me, a Theistic Satanist: Same😈

Me a Russian child who doesn’t believe in Jesus: Finally, I’m safe

lmao u wish

Me a pagan grey witch who exclusively worships goddesses oh no they have found my weakness

gdgsg ergsgs WHAT 😨😨

THIS!!!

So inclusive

Thank you for bringing Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way to my attention. I am charmed. I agree, vampire students at Hogwarts should be given a nesting area. For one thing, living as nest animals they would quickly learn not to shit next to one another.

Ebony needs the comfort. I mean, first Voldemort threatens to kill Draco and Vampire, and now Draco was a russian spy and a good christian boy the whole time? Its a lot.

@@xmascritter2383 she must feel very betrayed, if she can feel at all.

ooof

Don’t let jk Rowling hear you

the way ur so right

jk rowling is punching the air rn

JKR (In random interview): Dumbledore was gay! Fans: Cool! Please tell us more in the prequel movies. JKR: Ummmm... No.

Lol

I thought “Hogwarts at home” was J.K. Rowling’s Twitter feed.

the way I nearly stared crying with laughter

Mistake is mistake no matter how you describe it, i suppose.

Some aren't bad. There's a historical one that I really like.

@@pavelstaravoitau7106 Prince of Egypt?

@@Crazylom nah, it's a Russian one too, about the battle of Kulikovo.

@@Crazylom the animated movie, Prince of Egypt is maybe the best version of that story. Especially because of how it depicts Pharaoh. He's not some flat villain like in every other telling. Instead he's a man who can't understand why his brother abandoned him and lashes out in anger and confusion. It's so good, only Christian movie I've seen, that my atheist self loves and will bat for lol

That’s even worse omg

@Patrick Mack oh, boy, this is just a tip of the iceberg of this book's insanity. There are myriads of more insane details. For example, Russian military in the book is described as a complete clusterfuck with zero discipline or proper training, vicious hazing, officers not receiving their salaries, outdated weapons and decaying facilities (for 2004, when the book was written, it was pretty accurate at the time), yet the "heroes"(and the narrator) blindly believe that Russian army is the bravest, most honorable and disciplined one in the world, and are very gung-ho about torturing and ruining life of any civilian who dares to even slightly criticize the state of the military.

@Patrick Mack There are three possible explanations for the book's bizarreness discussed among readers: 1. The author is a genuinely insane man and therefore doesn't see any contradictions. 2. The book is actually a satire of religious fanaticism and blind nationalism that worked too well to be recognised. 3. The book is a collective work(which is pretty probable, since the style and characterizations are inconsistent throughout the book) and some of the writers were genuine fanatics, and some were parodists.

Please please please link me to where I can find the book (even in Russian)

@@M.K.ultra. Yeah, I can imagine some of ghost writers being reasonable people trying to get some money and just adding to the insanity to feel a bit better.

maybe they wanted him to be faculty or one of the nato guards.

@@charnel8435 if that were the case, they wouldn't need a student to "blend in." The term "blend in" implies that the adult didn't

omg I imagine him like "how do you do fellow kids"

The best thing is... I can absolutely see this happening in our military 😂

ЯussiaИ military is кnown to be veri smart

Uh, you still have a soul? It's alright, they teach you that in the fourth year. Dunno why the movie made it look like they teach you that so early, it's pretty tricky for even the kids who've forsaken Jesus and the motherland years ago. Good job on the gay magic though! It took me a while to get it down lmao great job!

@@eldritchcatgirl Yeah I’m a freshman Workin’ on it tho I have a Satan invocation with Call me by your name song exam in three days Wish me luck~

@@gonetosleep5463 Damn, good luck you’ll need it-

@@gonetosleep5463 How did it go?

*G a y t i m e s h a l l c o m m e n c e*

Surprised it got here just now. I can't even remember the year this monstrosity was at peak in Russia (where i live). Such a shame, such delusional shame....

I'm so happy people abroad finally noticed it! It was my favorite piece of crap since the first trailer.

*scale

It's fine, I think every country has it's fair share of cringy but highly memeable religious propaganda. Here in Brazil we have Dudão.

It’s alright. Every country has there weird shit.

No need to be ashamed of this masterpiece

Yeah dont worry. Every country has weird religious propaganda films. Mature ppl understand no country is a monolith and one movie doesn't define a country

@@victorianeechan I have to look up this movie. Maybe StrangeAeons will review Dudão too one day. (Edit) So I couldn't find a Dudão movie. Some comics, but no movie.

Eh, makes as much sense as anything else.

Let's say, hypothetically, my soul has been divided and hidden within 6 of my favourite items and myself, would that not, by all reason, make me virtually unbeatable?

It’s like those Eldritch Denis Prager vibes

he's too short to be Leonard

sounds kinky!

I get that antisemitism could realistically sneak in, but how the hell did no one notice the homoerotic stuff?

@@verylostdoommarauderit happens eeeevery time with nazi writing, is2g. The common theory here in Eastern Europe is that books like this one just don't go through an editor. The church pays people to write their quota of fundie stuff, but doesn't check the results THAT thoroughly. Another common theory is that small right-wing publishing houses are actually a money laundering scheme or something, so they don't really care what EXACTLY they're publishing, as long as it looks christian from the first glance.

I really wanna read it but I don’t at the same time.

Note: author is an incredibly hypocritical nazi since he tries to sell the actual nazis as another agents of decadent West against Russia (nevermind he's a huge monarchist who realistically should've been the last person to perceive USSR as a legitimate Russian state).

The *only* lesbian?

She isn't just any lesbian. She is THE lesbian. The one and only, the queen, the head lesbian of which all lesbians originate from. The reincarnation of Sappho herself, the ultimate big gay.

@@pyraffin ALL HAIL THE CHOSEN LESBIAN

@@pyraffin THE CHOSEN ONE. THE LESBIAN OF ALL LESBIANS!

THEY WHAT

Russian here! It wasn't actually widely shown in theaters, only in some individual places, to some groups of school childer (as far as i remember), then it was uploaded on KZfaq for free (the entire thing was on KZfaq btw, tho i cant seem to find the original upload now). But it did lead to a hilarious situation where someone leaked a corrupted version of the film because somebody just came up to a guy in cinema and asked for the movie and he just gave in to them. Also a Bunch of Russian Internet movie critics did a video on it to ride the hate train, so that was fun. EDIT: I did manage to find the original thu, but it just didn't show up in the KZfaq search for some reason

@@motheroftheworlds2553 thanks for clearing that up. knowing that there’s more to the story actually makes it feel even more unreal.

@@seafoamsiren oh, literally everything concerning this movie is wild, don't worry. Like, for A While, no-one knew the budget of this thing. The range was from 2 to 30 million rubles. I only just now found out that it cost 48 million, tax-payer rubles. (also they only got 25 k rubles in returns which is extremely funny) The movie was also made by some company that primarily made commercials, and at first it was meant to be 2D (you can find the concepts in google and on their Facebook page i think, they surprisingly look Really good), but, I guess, they wanted so save some.. rubs? and switched to 3D. There were also. six (6) whole animators who worked on this (credited ones, at least). I honestly urge you to watch it for yourself, because it's WILD, and some things aren't covered in the video. Someone actually made English subs for this, and it's on KZfaq, so ;)

@@motheroftheworlds2553 whelp time to go down the rabbit hole

Coming to terms with yourself is difficult. I'm very happy for you and how you started to love yourself!!

Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 on finding yourself, that shit is hard!

You don’t actually believe we like this right O_o

I'm happy this meme is seeping overseas lol It's such shit))

@@Alexis-nd9kw i think we knew y'all hated this it's just funny that you all wanted to clarify that this movie was bad after we all knew it was

@@jorted_julimak we're just really concerned about our shitty government making the whole country look like a group of clowns all the time. we're afraid people will think that's what we support. i mean, we vote for putin, right? (we don't. the elections are fake). we support the propaganda backed by the ministery of culture, right? (we never would, and we're so tired of being ashamed for every fucking thing our government does).

@@jorted_julimak it's like being ashamed when comparing what our government does to what the other european governments do is almost our day-to-day lifestyle

Dammit. lol

I can't wait to see more

@@jasonwalker4003 NO. No you don't. This is trashy bad fun but other are just pure suffer

To be honest, there's nothing else quite like this.

We just can't get enough of stupidity, sorry

Но "дети против волшебников" - это то, что я не хотел, чтобы они увидели 😅

Kinda ironic, that this wierd Harry Potter fanfic is actyally specific mirror of the Russian culture of the 90th and early 2000th.

@@Goran1138 Can you explain why? As a russian I don't see that but that's an interesting opinion.

@@user-by6mv9tb1f Потому что в повести на фоне постоянно идет речь про Беслан, Курск, чеченскую войну, а кроме гротескных карикатур на персонажей поттерианы (коих там кстати с гулькин нос) автор ровно в той же манере кидается несвежим во всех заметных медийных личностей той поры вроде Лимонова, Кураева, и многих других.

😂

A Russian soldier working for Putin got a fever and saw this

*hug *

The transition from being run by Tankies to being run by fundies is a turn I wasn’t expecting.

im so sry

Wait so it's like living in a shitpost? But it's also cold?

@Я тостер Wow that's even worse than the States. I mean, I guess the Marvel movies were funded by the US military but still.

Isn't that Baba Yaga, or am I remembering wrong? (Not Russian in any way).

@@victoriashevlin8587 No, it is actually Кощей Бессмертный (Koschei the Deathless). "He hides his soul inside nested objects to protect it. For example, the soul may be hidden in the needle that is hidden inside the egg which is carried by the duck that flies away whenever anyone tries to catch it."- Wikipedia. So, the egg makes sense in this one

Never thought about Koschei's needle being a horcrux, but that's basically it, isn't it?

@@user-sg1sp6xc1x но что было раньше - яйцо или ку...рестраж? Так-то Воландеморт определенно списан с Кощея))

Yup, Koshei is basically Voldemort before it was cool. Or just any D&d lich...

Жиза, я откладывала просмотр этого видео целый месяц, чтобы не умереть от стыда. И все равно умерла, ех

Надо только верить и молиться, этого вполне достаточно:о)

по существу :(

мои соболезнования

@@MrRonnyGreat I may not speak Russian, but I know a Homestuck when I see one :o)

wait lmao you're right

exactly, where else would it be????

It's in Britain..not in Scotland

@@m.rose3534 Scotland is part of Britain

I am mistaken... It is actually in Scotland in the Harry Potter universe but the castle I think is in britain

@@m.rose3534 Scotland is a part of Britain

@@nicholasbale-ford3184 "actual witches" is a very, very generous choice of words.

@@gibberish192 I am too one of those typical people who think that they are a princess. 💖

You know S to the L to the A to the V A Russian?

@@alexandrarivera7957 I DID NOT EXPECT THE DREAM SMP AND STRANGE AEONS TO COLLIDE IN THIS TIMELINE BUT I AM CERTAINLY NOT DISAPPOINTED

Same but not Slavic, just Germanic lmfao

Draco just radiates gay energy.

@@thequeenofcringe1585 exactly

I demand this to become the top comment

i also demand this to become top comment

Like Alex Jones or televangelists are here in the US. The youth collectively laughing at these lots in both places gives me hope for humanity

Well, sad tging is: these views ARE essentially what russian government, special services, military and ruling class in general believes in. That's why russian government sponsored it.

Say what you will about the Soviet regime, but at least most of their propaganda movies didn't look this pathetic. This is like the state propaganda version of a drunk, filthy and crazed hobo yelling from the street corner. North Korean childrens cartoons have a higher quality than this (yeah, thats a thing, look it up).

@@sherlocksmuuug6692 Soviet government, especially in the 60s and 70s, that you can't give people propaganda that is too dumb, and primitive, People would laugh at it and it would be discredited in their eyes, SoSoviet regime would make certain concessions to intelligentsia and artists to maintain higher quality of propaganda. Sadly, the thing about modern Russia though - not only our ruling class is reactionary, it's also insanely corrupt. Wanna the budget of this animated monstrosity? Around 750 thousand bucks. It's not that bad for an animated movie of this scale, but obviously most of the budget was stolen, Generally state sponsorship for the movies is monopolized by like 3-4 powerful studios, who build their empires on pocketing state money on their overfunded crap. There is no actual quality control, if the studio is powerful enough, they receive subsidies for the movies that sound ridiculous even on the pitching stage.

Most Americans view Pure Flix as a joke, but I think the affects of God and Country propaganda is inevitably dangerous, especially after the last 5 or so years. Back when I had TV I had access to Christian Fundie channels, and they’re all hateful, and no doubt shaped the views of those who watched the past few decades and enabled the far right

Хахах это всё бед, его видео было слишком шикарно

лучше бы и не знали...

Скорее TVTropes.

@@user-lc8ek2uw8n скажите пожалуйста, где этот фильм был упомянут на Tvtropes? Постоянно лазаю на этом сайте, но не видела...

Кто нибудь знает как это появилось в англоязычном инфопространстве,а то я затрудняюсь ответить.

oh boi oh boi, your father is delusional...

if being homophobic is not homophobic then yeah the church isn’t homophobic

I read this as "(He is correct)" and I was like oh no,,,,,,,,, oh sweet summer child LOL

He's either delusional or not well informed.

My dad is Protestant and he does that too

Blasphemous! Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles is incredible

@@renskedunnewold1995 CHILDREN! CONVERT HIM!

The only thing holding it back from this kind of greatness was its lack of absolute sincerity. 😂

@@Basketcase12 the only sincerity was in the descriptions of cowboy youth group dumbledore

no but when i tell you Utah mormons read that book unironically-

They often are. ever heard of B i b l e M a n ? Veggie tales is the only example I can think of where it's good

@@shadowcween7890 don't you dare insult the great Bible man

@@idonhaveanyideawhattocallm1472 noted

Its apparently famous enough that there exist a movie review of it with english subtitles! Im not russian but i recall seeing it like years ago. I wish i remembered the name of that youtuber :(

Ah, so it's like you guys' version of the UK's "Strawinsky and the Mysterious House," which is basically propaganda against non-religious books. No one actually thinks it's good, but it makes for a good laugh.

@@towelie1313 Badcomedian mb?

@@JosephCummington that's him! ty!

@@towelie1313 he's kinda popular in Russia, has more than 10 mil views on each of his videos

Well...Draco’s bf probably died because he wasn’t with Draco and Ginny at the cliff and Draco got married off to Hermione so take that as you will-

@@redballoon9007 According to an online synopsis, the soldier telling the story IS actually Draco's BF

@@HeyLeFay Huh, really?

You're kidding, but boy, if only you knew HOW MUCH poorly repressed homoeroticism there is in the books. The main character is repulsed by women and waxes poetics about men 24/7, especially about the main antagonist. All while insisting he hates The Gays.

@@Thistlespawn internalized homophobia

IRON CURTAIN РЖУ

@@migratory.114 я, так, условно обозначил.

Ор

я пытался сам посмотреть фильм, но я так нихуя и не понял. Этот фильм даже как 'фильм' расценивать не хочется, это просто высер

Кринж слишком силен.

“I can assure you you’re not missing much” describes the book as EXACTLY what we hoped it would be

But in some parts it confusingly looks like the most satirical thing ever written... Like, you NEED to know which things are pathetically awful to make the EVEN MORE awful and pathetic.

It still makes better fanfic than 50 shades of grey

which LDS cartoons? you mean the ones mentioning "endless celestial sex" or whatever? because im (formerly) Mormon and i assure you there are no references to "endless celestial sex" in the Book of Mormon

Да ну кековая же книга, ну чего ты сразу? Может, во мне говорит двадцатипятилетний двачер, но разве этот трэш и угар не веселит?

кажется, у нас завёлся крот

Чарли который penguinz уже давно сделал видео на мульт. Помню как он там ржал со скорпионибуса

@@cinnamontoast1586 народ требует ссылку, милорд

+

Пути назад больше нет

DO IT

PLEASE GO FOR IT, GIVE US THE BLESSING!

That would be super cool!

please!

Pretty please with sugar on top! Teya has to read it!

❤heart❤

❤️heart❤️

❤heart❤

❤️ heart ❤️

❤️heart❤️

At least it wasn't Praeger university

LMAO 😭😭😭😭😭

AW C'MON

LMAOOO💀

Omg. I had been wondering who that creature reminded me of lol

Now Ursula seems like a beauty compared to her

Putin x Medvedev in "Chechen penetration"

more like beavis and butthead

Nesting egg dolls suddenly make anthropological sense!

that leaves me with significantly more questions than answers

@@dxfcgvbhj well, that's russian folklore for ya, we have some *weird* fucking tales

@@haydenkinley5266 To be fair, a lot of the weird details from old fairytales are cultural references that can get lost over time.

@@wishtopublish now that you said that i'm wondering about the circumstances in which this could make a lick of sense, but i couldn't tell you any of those possible references, so i'm just here to bask in the utter weirdness that our folklore usually is, it's fun.

YES

I want the hallmark movie of this

One more thing is that there are memes here about how much "Draco" looks like Putin and his friend looks like Medvedev... and this makes their relationship even more interesting 😂

And also trans Harry, i want that canon too, even if it would make 0 sense

More like "hold my kvas!"

@@andollpony2227 but why not vodka, a balalaika or at the very least - a bear?

@@aurelius_varro because kvas is nice

Ooh, how eggciting.

the egg litch

Or Koshey the Deathless

That’s actually a really interesting fact. It’s always a neat surprise when you watch a video and end up learning about some obscure folklore about a part of the topic at hand.

An eggy boi. lol

Same here, credit card ad got me

Me when I rewatched high school musical 2 and heard “I don’t dance”

me watching... literally any movie or tv show

That's so accurate

You got the point, mah guy

yup, that's it in a nutshell

(pls send help)

Жиза

"Хочешь птицей вспорхнуть, Да душа тяжела. Ею я завладела и на дно увлекла" (с) Если знаете откуда цитата, возьмите с полки пирожок.

@@WhiteScorpio2 is there any chance you could translate that or no?

@@holymoly9903 so I asked my mum to translate this (she never taught me how to speak and read Russian) it's something like If the bird wants to fly but it's soul is too heavy, it'll be unable to leave the ground Or something like this, she told me a few hours ago so I might made some mistakes

@@StreetpennyLP Oh thanks

@@holymoly9903 It's kinda tricky to translate that because it's a reference to a song from a russian fantasy musical but it goes roughly like this: "You want to fly like a bird, yet the soul is so heavy. I captured your soul and took it to the bottom."

Bathed in his blood honeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy

@@irradiated_woman8016 so, drenched in wine? Maybe wearing a chainmail of those little breads?

@@guggelguggel7491 little breads? Hosts?

@@iknowthatyouregayfireflies9992 dunno, I was thinking of oblater, but either I'm wrong or it's just a different language. (Edit) COMMUNION WAFERS! That, I think, was what I was thinking of..

Oh my gosh!!!! I'm so glad I wasn't drinking water because I would have spit it out when I read that. That's amazing, but I also want to bleach my brain to erase this image😂😂😂😂

foil the copyright strikes through sheer linguistic differences

There is literally a letter in russian that has the same sound as H in Harry so don't spread misinformation This is just the way the name translates to russian that's it

@@delotti625 I mean there's no exact H sound. Г is used to transliterate H in a lot of cases.

@@delotti625 Not exactly. Russian Х is voiceless velar fricative and English H is voiceless glottal fricative. I don't know why Germanic H is transcribed as Г in Russian.

@@WhiteScorpio2 yeah this is where my knowledge stops haha I always thought X an H have pretty much the same sound As for why Г I think it makes more sense phonetically to use it especially in names since X in Harry just wouldn't sound as natural in russian idk

😂

Don't, for real.

@@mar6488 Don't learn Russian or read the book?

@@Tommy20136 oh, don't read the book, of course. Definitely do learn Russian!

​@@mar6488 Thanks for the advice, I'll think about it. If I ever feel the urge to betray jesus I might still turn to it

You won't regret it, it's SO MUCH MORE INSANE then the film (gets boring in the middle though, you can skip a third of the book and loose nothing)

they're both in the same universe and NOTHING will convince me otherwise :D

prepz stop flaming!!!!!!!!1

all I can think about is this music m.kzfaq.info/get/bejne/pNGIpq-jstGngn0.html

The Antichrist is probably Ebony

Do the non-Russian kids also have to forsake their Russian values and dishonor Mother-Russia, or are they excused from that assignment?

Ha. Was thinking there was a tiny resemblance

rwby was not this jank even on its first day. Xavier: Renegade Angel is a better match

@@MrPooleish as I remember the source material, "only russians are pure of soul, and all other nations are thoroughly corrupted by SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATAN!!!" It's that kind of crap.

absolutely

YES PLEASE

Y E S

your s.o. is in for a ride! lol

Please tell me what he thought about it xD

haha you're a monster