Thank you for sharing your raw, real, authentic self with us. I cannot imagine this challenging loss and grief you are experiencing. Loved this long vlog so much. Sending you the best vibes always.

Sending you a hug Carter! I can only imagine how difficult it is to grieve a first love, I feel for you. Thanks for sharing with us, and for always remaining authentic even during trying times. You’re truly a ray of sunshine ☀️💛

Feel better soon!! Happy birthday! 🎂

Canadian Tire was my first job as a 17 year old and I worked there all throughout university so seeing you shopping there for some reason brought me comfort/nostalgia. I can't explain it!

If you’ve lived this long having never dealt with the death of a loved one, you deserve all the patience and understanding you can give yourself. This is something I have too much experience with, unfortunately. You’re doing all the work. I’m proud of you.

Feel better soon Carter! Mentally and physically :)

Thank you for being so open with your channel! ❤️ sending lots of love and healing positive energy ❤️✨

LOVE your hair!!!

Amazing vlog!❤️✨☺️

Your hair looks so good 🥰

Oooo I want to get the life between us book! I’m SO interested in the after life and mediums!

Sending you love during this time. Also wanted to say from the pink athletic dress and the green tank you had on towards the end for some one who loves neutral you look gorgeous in bright colors! Nobody asked but I needed to say that. Thanks for the great vlog and take care love.

yes girl, I have ibs too and i feel my emotions through my stomach as well as mentally. you’re definitely not alone there. i hope you’re doing well, grief is a beast. sending all the love ❤️

Love you Carter💜

Sending you all the love in the world. ❤️

I actually lost my first boyfriend from middle school to an overdose and while it was a very long time ago he was in my life and a big part of it in an important time in my life... so I felt weird grieving but all our feelings are valid! Agreed be gentle and kind with yourself sending all the love 💕

I also do usually get nauseous and sometimes even get bad headaches when I'm nervous or anxious about something.

New hair looks SO good! Also love the green top at the end 😍

Losing a loved one or a close person is not easy and everyone will grieve differently, but let yourself grieve or cry. I lost my mom in 2013 and then my dad in 2020 during the pandemic and I couldn’t say goodbye or I love you. I still have triggers like mom’s day, Father’s Day, someone maybe on tv who calls their parents. Take it one step at time and if there is a trigger, books, movie, etc then let it happen it is fine and ignore those who make those comments. We are human and have different feelings, accomplishments, successes and failures and that is what is wonderful about being a human. No judgment for how you feel and ignore haters. Hugs.

I am so in love with your hair, it came out so well!

You literally described me when you talked about your emotions being felt through your stomach, it’s such weird and frustrating thing to deal with. I thought there was something wrong with me for the longest time until finally I learned about the correlation between the gut and brain. I read a book called the mind gut connection and it was very fascinating, although doesn’t take away the fact of it being annoying to deal with haha. Love your blogs and the real content 💛

Love the new hair! Hope you feel better soon 🤍

So glad that youtube has been a healing outlet during your time of grieving. You are so brave for talking about how you've been feeling as of late, and I'm sure its healing for others to hear as well!

Your hair looks so good!! Also thanks for this video. I’m also going through a tough time so it’s always comforting knowing you’re not alone. You’re blessed and you will get through this. Time is always the best medicine when grieving

Everything in our body is connected so it is COMPLETELY normal to feel things in your stomach. I have lasting stomach issues from when my fiance of 9 years cheated on me last year. Caused IBS/SIBO and I'm still dealing with it.

Love you Carter! Sending you all the healing and love as you deal with your grief! Thanks for being so open and honest as usual!!

Your new hair looks incredible! Keeping you in my thoughts during this time🤍

I didn't get anything super exciting for the prime day sale but I did get my vitafusion gummy multi vitamins for 50 percent off. I bought 2 because they are usually full price when I need them and now I won't have to get anymore until the end of the year/early next year.

Yup, 814 pages... I read a Little Life back in February and it took me a month! Yanagihara writes beautifully but that book was quite a bit, and that's coming from someone who loves and watches true crime. You can always put it down and come back to it later if it's too much right now.

I wish I could give you a big hug through the screen (and now with COVID too :/). Also, your new hair looks amazing!

Happy birthday Carter!! And thank you for sharing. In my experience, grief continues to visit for years and years, so it’s important to feel your emotions fully and allow yourself that. You’re so strong, thank you for sharing this time in your life. Also love your new hair, and you look amazing in green! I have never been able to pull it off, but you looked so good in that green top you wore to get your hair done!! Hope you have a great birthday🥰

Cleo Wade is amazing and I love Heart Talk.

Hey Carter! Can you give a link for your new vacuum? Thank you!

So sorry about this loss and I hope you find feeling through time 🤍🕊 I still loved the vlog

Unfortunately I relate all to well about suppressing grieving emotions. My ex boyfriend passed away very suddenly a few years ago. We were still on very good terms and spoke on the day he passed. I felt almost guilty for how sad I was because we were both in other relationships at that time and feeling like his family and friends “deserved” to grief while I didn’t. Although it’s still very difficult to deal with I always try and remember the happy moments which put a smile on my face 😊 Wishing you all the best in this challenging time❤️

You don't need to minimize your feelings because someone else has it worse. Someone else always has it worse, but that doesn't make our experiences and feelings any less valid.

I feel every emotion through my stomach! I have both Celiac and IBS, and when I am going through and emotional state or anxiety my stomach is so off! Herbal tea helps me!

Hey carter!! May i know what is the song at the beginning of your video? :) it is so soothing!

My dyson vacuum also only lasted 2 years. Now I have a shark vacuum. It's cheaper and works a lot better in my opinion!

Ohhhhhh the way she's lying on that bed. Precious ❤️

Hope you’re doing ok, Carter. And not feeling too ill with covid 😔 Love the new hair do!

Gosh I miss your vlogs!!! I am sooooo in love with your hair!!!!

I lost my dad in September and the grieving process has been such a whirlwind. I’ve learned other people will never understand your journey through healing. Reading and blogging has been my healthy distraction but I went through planning an entire wedding one month after he passed and now I’m playing catch up.

❤️

Hey Carter! I hope that you are feelling better! I got covid a few days ago, after two and a half years!! The first three days were more difficult for me, mostly because of the fever but after that it was a lot better... Sleep and relaxation helps a lot based on my experience so take your time! Sending love!

Link to the last black midi dress that you said you might wear to the wedding please!! Omg I love and like maybe also wear to a wedding this fall!! Time stamp: about 37:30

Thankyou for sharing this. Going through the grieving process right now too and seeing this is really comforting (instead of all the nice fluffy vlogs on KZfaq) and is actually so helpful. I hope you feel a bit better soon

Yay im earlyyyyy!

Did you check first the trigger warnings for A Little Life? I read that book and… my heart breaks.

Hope you feel better soon.

Can't wait to hear your thoughts on A Little Life!

Happy early birthday! Starbucks medicine balls and pseudoephedrine or elderberry gummies for the Big C Thank you for sharing you as yourself! When you don’t have friends in real life it’s nice to feel like you’re talking with someone

I meant to recommend this book in my previous comment, but forgot. On Grief & Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through The Five Stages of Loss (companion book of her On Death & Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses, Clergy and Their Own Families (which would be great for you and Matt). Elizabeth Kubler Ross is highly respected when it comes to these topics. Much love to you.

I would really caution reading A Little Life. Even reading the trigger warnings, it's still really emotional and some scenes are hard to read

Omg I wouldn’t read A Little Life if I were you!! At least not right now. The premise is literally like “what if a bad life didn’t get better.” Idk you do you, but oof.

I think a part of us will always care about and love our first boyfriend, maybe not in the same way anymore, but they always hold a special place in our heart.