Keara, using "they/them" doesn't mean necessarily being non-binary. It can be, for example, a way of saying "I'm a person, my gender doesn't have to be explicitly stated every time someone refers to me". So yes, it's ok for a cisgender person to use they/them pronouns, and you shouldn't assume (in case you do) that "they/them=somewhere under the non-binary umbrella".

Personally, I don’t attach pronouns to gender, so I think it’s totally chill how ever someone identifies and how ever they want to be referred to. As long as someone is comfortable, then I don’t care or question why they would be chill with me referring to them in a certain way. My story is that I used to get very giddy whenever someone referred to me as they/them, even though I’d been totally comfortable identifying as female my whole life. I’ve been questioning for a long time where I stand in terms of labels, but I’ve just decided to stick with non-binary and I know that I am somewhere in the gender spectrum. Some days I think I’m crazy and that I’m absolutely cis female, and then others I feel a lot more masculine and prefer to be referred to as they/them. And since I’m just a confused mess in terms of gender due to this, I don’t ever question anyone’s preferred pronouns or identity because we’re just all confused, and questioning that probably won’t help. So that’s my take on that, hope it helps!

totally off topic here but, their eyeline looks AMAZING

It's okay, your eyeliner is giving HELLA strong enby vibes.

As a cis gender woman (I'm chill with my gender btw), being honest if someone asks me my pronouns I tell them that I don't really mind as long as its respectful. For me I see pronouns as a way of shortly referring to me and if it's not offensive I don't mind whether someone refers to me as she/her, they/them, he/him, etc.

If gender is a social construct, aren’t we all technically gender less and have gender less souls? This is the part I struggle with.

Things my gender fluidity teached to me (I know it mays seems stupîd but ok, it is my experience): 1- Not everything in life is black or white; it may be a middle point or an alternative option. 2- Things are not always exact; most of the time they are approximate or subjective. 3- Everything is temporary, nothing is forever. 4- We can't control how life works, but we can adaptate to it. 5- Not everything in life is something you can choose, control, change or avoid. 6- We are not a single mind or a single person; we have many sides or 'faces', as we have our good days, bad days, skills, strength, debilities and scares. 7- We all feel and ser the same sense of everything, it just depends on the direction we see. 8- We shouldn't always rate things fully because sometimes some things can't be rateable. 9- We shouldn't be accustomed to the same things because they can change at any moment. 10- You don't need to and you can't to complace everyone; At least someone will disagree with you. 11- The changes are not always repentines, most of the time they are progresive and slow. 12- We don't need to and we can't predict everything. Things are suppressive and unpredictable. 13- Not always things are better or worse; sometimes they can be only different. 14- People change, and you can't avoid it, as you can't change people. 15- We shouldn't take permanent choices for temporary problems, wishes or feelings. 16- Many things are not biological, but social and cultural constructions. 17- Limits are not always repentines or literal, most of them are approximated or around. 18- There are no good or bad things, we just rate them as them. 19- There are not 'toxic' or 'non-toxic' things; everything is toxic in big amounts and safe in small amounts, however, most of time we don't know what is the limit. 20- We should judge people for their acts, not for who they are.

💛I’m also gender fluid I think and the most difficult part literally is that you don’t feel valid or right a lot of the time . Cause sometimes you feel “too” cis but sometimes also really trans . And my friends never get how I have to think about it everyday again 😄💛

Yeah, this content resonates with me. I'm still in a figuring things out mode, and refiguring things I thought I already knew. Spent years in the nonbinary label, just conceptualizing myself as some nebulous separate gender that wasn't male or female. Then I slowly started noticing these moments of "wait, maybe I'm kind of boyish today" or "am I sure I'm not just a girl?" Recently I experienced an intense fluidity spike into the female part of the spectrum, accompanied by equally intense anxiety about not being able to make my presentation line up with what I felt inside, and that's when I finally started to accept that genderfluid is a label that's applicable to me. I still mainly occupy that nebulous "something, but not either one of those" space, but I also drift into agender, demiboy, and demigirl spaces. It's a comfort to see content like this and feel a little less alone in these feelings.

"Floating in the gendersphere" is just such a cool phrase. I love that you talk about this stuff and answer questions while also explaining how it is for you personally and it may be different for others. Thank you for making these videos! (Your eyeliner looks so perfect, goodness I envy people who are so good with makeup!)

for the cis person who wants to use she/they, I think it's important for us to remember that pronouns ≠ gender. maybe this person is female but presents in a more masculine or androgynous way, and wants to use pronouns that match their presentation. or maybe she just doesn't mind they/them because it's neutral and can be used for anyone. maybe they just like the way the pronouns sound. my point is that there are many factors that go into someone deciding to use certain pronouns, and it doesn't really matter if we understand why they use the ones they do as long as we're respectful and refer to people in ways that they're comfortable with.

If you could put closed captions when you can that would be wonderful! Love your vids Keara! ☺️

This was so validating to watch/hear! I identify as genderfluid and it is lonely because it’s hard to find good genderfluid representation/community. Seeing questions from other people who feel a similar way to me makes me feel less alone so thank you for making this video!

honestly i think it’s ok to use they them even if you feel comfortable in your sex assigned at birth because pronouns don’t equal gender💛

Thank u so much for saying there doesn't have to be childhood signs! I knew there was some when I came out as lesbian, but as genderfluid there was really only offhand remarks my ex-wife noticed after high school so I was confused for a while. I've since accepted my new identity and even bought some clothing for more masc days~ I love all ur videos Keara, ur eyeliner is SICK today~ Love you Quing 💛

In terms of cisgendered people using they/them pronouns, my long answer turned short for this question would be that anyone can use any set of pronoun(s) regardless of how they identify. Your gender does not equal what pronouns you prefer to use. I’m not too sure if that made sense, so if anyone could add on to it, that would be great

I'm relieved that I'm a cisgender lesbian. I imagine that adding gender fluidity to the mix would add a whole other level of complication to my life that I'm really glad I don't have to deal with. Sometimes, I find living an authentic life can be difficult as it is without any added complications.

thank you so much for this Keara, you answered a lot of my questions

All my life I’ve felt like a cis male, but recently every once in a while I’ll have an urge to paint my nails, put on a skirt or other traditionally feminine clothes and just in general look pretty instead of handsome if that makes any sense. I don’t know if this is a sign that maybe I’m genderfluid or something like that but I’m really confused and I don’t really know what I should do to test it.

My take on the cis + they/them pronouns is that she/her doesn’t equate to “woman” to me. For me it’s just feminine and not female. So a cis woman might be comfortable in their gender but not want to be perceived as overtly feminine for whatever reason. That’s just one example I could come up with but I’m sure there’s more, but short answer I do personally believe cis individuals can use they/them pronouns.

omg keara your eyeliner looks amazing ✨

There were two questions that were like “yes! That’s exactly me!” The first one being about being born AFAB, not wanting to transition but still wishing I’d been born AMAB. It’s so confusing! I’m just really attracted to people like Jonathan Van Ness. Love the total confidence, the femininity and the campness and I want it for myself. The second question was about wondering if my gender can change without any childhood signs. I haven’t seen anyone experience this anywhere either. Seeing you read these questions aloud and provide your insights was incredibly validating. So I just wanted to say thank you ☺️

your eyeliner looks amazing! also i just ordered my first binder and i'm so excited

For binders: gc2b is said to be the safest one!!! A bit on the pricey side, yes, BUT it's money well invested (speaking from experience)

I really like your accent 'cause, as a non-english people, it could be sometimes complicated to understand all english words, but in your videos I rarely have this issue, and that's very, very cool ✨

I think it’s very possible to have gender envy as a cis woman living in a highly patriarchal society! If you reject a female gender role you may be someone who doesn’t identify as female, or you might just be gender non-conforming. If by gender envy a person means that they resent the restrictions they experience because they are perceived as female, that’s a different thing and could be true for anyone, including cis women. I actually think a failure to understand this distinction is at the root of a lot of the gross TERF nonsense. These so-called feminists think that all people who experience gender envy are also cis and therefore there are a subsection of those cis women who transition but were never trans and shouldn’t have been allowed to transition. They are unwilling to accept that some people who experience gender envy are actually trans! On another topic, and forgive me if I’ve said this before on one of Keara’s videos, but I do want to mention the intersection of gender and autism. There are a lot of autistic folks, me included, who struggle to identify with the whole concept of gender. Someone called this ‘autigender’. It’s not a gender identity but a particularly autistic experience of gender. So, for me, I really just don’t relate to any other genders but it isn’t that I am agender, I’m just ‘me’ gender. And I know I have a female body and physiology and I’m fine with that but at the same time I don’t identify with other women just because my body is similar to theirs. I don’t identify with men either. I do identify with non-binary experiences, for sure, so that’s probably the bit of the spectrum I would fall in, if indeed I even lie anywhere on that spectrum. Sometimes I say “I’m a woman, I’m just not THAT woman”. A trans friend told me he thinks of my gender as “squiggly” because that’s how I occur to him, and I’m okay with that. As for pronouns, I’ll answer to any and accept however I occur to someone is how I occur to them (I’m often read as male or non-binary). I’ve been trying out telling people that I’m gender fluid because it’s true I have days where I feel more masc and days when I feel more femme. And very occasionally I have that experience Keara describes of waking up and finding that I’m not feeling great about looking at all feminine and I will wear a binder for some of the day (I have to be really careful with binding too as am hypermobile and already prone to costochondritis and have torn my intercostal muscles in my sleep a few times). Maybe one day we’ll just forget gender all together and people will just be people with people parts and people souls. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?

I'm binge watching your videos right now and it's so comforting and informative I love it so much. It's been a while since I've actively engaged in the comment section. I just wanted to say that I'm always here and love when I have more than one video to watch. happy 2022 beautiful people

thank you so so much for this video, you were able to help me with my question. it made me feel super valid to hear that genderfluid doesn't have to equal presenting physically a certain way, which is kind of how media represents it from what i've seen so its been really hard to understand how i've been feeling. thank you so much and i love these advice videos please keep them up!!

thank you for sharing your journey and advice with us keara! it honestly helps me so much to see someone talking about the struggles that I'm going through too. love you 💕💕

Thank you thank you thank you! I needed all these questions, this was very affirming for me! You sharing your journey has sparked the same for me and it is a blessing to have you and Dutchy lightning and the way! 🌈💞

Your makeup is ON FLEEK today! Also, thanks you sooo much for this video, I just realized that Im genderfluid and this really helps 💛

I love that ive seen you grow in the person you are now. Also never thought you would help me navigate my genderidentity process

Man I love Keara so much😭

Ahhhh! I LOVE Your eyeliner, you hair, your everything💞 and Thankyou for being vulnerable about this subject and your own journey, and I hope everyone around you is doing well & staying healthy❤❤❤ Sending love all around you wonderful human!

💛💛 great video this is really good! Thank you for always sharing your experience and knowledge! Hope you’re having a good day!

Keats you are so so honest with us and open as well, enjoyed all your advice you gave and loved this video a lot. Thank you so much for this great video

Keara, your videos are ALWAYS both so informative and comforting, either I am directly concerned by the subject or not, thank you so much for existing and for you work 🖤

I recently got my haircut really short and it enables me to be more comfortable with feminine clothing also lots of euphoria. I'm also genderfluid, it was definitely the right decision

I really needed this because I was so confused about my gender:(( Thank you Keara and love your vids💛

this video is really needed for me thank you Keira so much

1. I love your outfit and makeup and just overall vibe in this video like it’s great 2. I’m on the part where you’re talking about labels (but I’m questioning sexuality) and not having to share them and personally, I’m probably ace but I don’t feel comfortable labeling myself, so I don’t… Sometimes friends get confused when I’m very open about not being straight but also the fact that I’m questioning and even though I know one thing that I’m not, I still don’t know what I am, and maybe I’ll never be sure. Because of this, I’ve found a few ways to deal with peoples confusion and just move on with my life. For example, my friend and I were talking about sexuality because she was saying that she looks gay but isn’t (???) so then I asked if I looked straight and she said no and I was like good and then she was like “but what’s your sexuality” and I responded in some cryptic way and she was like “but I wanna knowwww” and so I said “I do toooo” and she just went “oh” it was so funny but I’m still uncomfortable with the fact that she was being kinda pushy for a label but wtv I let it go I just wanted to share my funny experience lolz 3. Happy thanksgiving everyone I hope you are doing well

Your videos about genderfluidity are very helpful💛

I am an amab non-binary person- I have mostly androgynous days, but sometimes feminine or masculine days as well. 💛

💛 Thankyou so much for helping me ily

I feel like a genderless soul too... and i think that souls doesn't have a gender, but maybe gender is something we feel here on earth, I don't know how to explain it, still not sure about the second part... i don't like he/him pronouns but i don't know how i feel about they/them pronoun since we don't have it in my mother tongue, thankfully i don't mind she/her - i'm afb... of course this is not the whole thing for me. thank you for your content 💟💗💓💜💐 lots of love

💛💛💛💛💛 SO MUCH LOVE TO U KEARA

the hair! the eyeliner! the nails! 😍

i found keara when i was watching gay short films. and i have loved them since day one

💛 Love you Keara! Never forget you're an amazing person! 💛

"Just vibin" Stealing that!!!

💛thanks for this great video

This video was so helpful thx😊

I appreciate this, thank you. Very affirming and positive

this was an amazing video. thank you keara *yellow heart

and thanks for this video! it helps a lot

Great video! Also, love the hat. 🥰

Thank you so much for answering my question 💛💛💛 I was worried, that it would drown in the wave of comments you must've gotten... I'm really glad to hear someone other than myself validate my feelings tho! And thanks to this, I have come to the conclusion that I'm very likely genderfluid :3 I especially get the whole putting on a top and instantly needing to take it off cause it's just so... agh... nope... wrong wrong wrong. nope, can't do this

This video realy helped me understand the way I was feeling about my gender, and made me feal more valid! Thank you so much!💛💛💛

Thank you for sharing this, as someone who recently went through their own somewhat recent gender questioning and has had similar queeries.

My binder is from Spectrum, it's my first one I've had but it's brilliant and genuine and all that good stuff :)

Hello, I really enjoyed watching your video ^w^. I've been strugling with my gender lately, questioning it an all, because I'm afab and I was raised in a pretty free stereotypical way (at home, even though I had some influence on some things by my mother, which is normal), so I always felt like the weird child that's just not like other girls but sometimes is. I know that gender expression is just how you present to others and mannerisms and gender identity is how you feel, but I don't know if my brain is making up all of these feelings of switching between, girl, non-binary, agender, bigender and demi-boy; I even doubt about my dyshphoria, because sometimes I love my curves and other times I don't and I wish to have broader shoulders or a bigger waist, this happens with my hair too, I either want to have it extremely long or extremely short, so it's a struggle. I know I have gender envy of boys sometimes or people who present more androgynous. I've tried they/them and he/him pronouns and they feel good most of the time, I feel really happy when someone uses them to refer to me, so maybe it's gender euphoria? And I've panicked a few times about people mistaking me for a girl, because I was more "feminine looking" that day, when just a few seconds earlier I was fine with that. So I really don't know whether I'm genderfluid or not, does someone relate to this?

💛 As a Genderfluid person I felt so accepted during this video and thank you for this!!!!

If the binder you’re wearing is making you have difficulties breathing, try getting a size up! I highly recommend the brand GC2B and use it myself. Their customer service is also super helpful w finding the right size :))

Pronouns don’t equal gender identity, so you can 100% use she/they pronouns while feeling cisgender. If it makes you feel more comfortable it’s completely ok!

This was really helpful.

Hi there! I just wanted to say thank you so so much for this, it really answered a lot of my questions and helped me figure out who I am. Thank you!

i love the make up btw im bi and i love youu thank you for spreding the positivity

I just love watching keara she/they makes me feel so happy and less lonely as a hetero aromantic and asexual💜

You be looking cute af 🥺✨

This video was so helpful! I've been using the genderfluid label for a few months now and this video made me feel really validated and more open to new pronouns and gender expression possibilities. Thank you!

guyyysss lol there was an ad that popped up with this app where you get a person to talk to and they go through "gayness" with a person and are like hey "I am not this illness" lol so fun

If you are based in the UK, Spectrum Outfitters make binders

Thank you so much for this video, it's been the top most helpful video on this topic I've watched so far. I also love that I'm very engaged in everything you're saying, and I don't end up spacing out like I do with other videos on the same subject. I have a couple questions. Do you have any other suggestions for people who are genderfluid and have a lot of gender disphoria but don't want to transition either; like do you have any other suggestions in addition to the binder, which I definitely want to try out. Also, what suggestions do you have for people who want to look more...non-binary, like...I feel uncomfortable looking female most of the time, but like you said it doesn't look the same just dressing in male clothing

7:22 I know I’m like 4 months late but I relate to this so much but I’m amab SOMEOEN HELP

I relate so much to your experience of gender fluidity! I keep questioning myself since there are days where I am perfectly happy with being afab, days I want to be completely genderless (for example yesterday my husband called me his wife and I felt extremely uncomfortable with that so I asked if he could use a gender neutral term like spouse). And then there are days when I feel really masculine. It's just confusing all the time 😂

I’m so thrilled to have found you’re channel. Makes me feel so much better accepting my gender-fluid…ness lol I’m definitely gonna look for some binders Might help Love you’re quirkiness 😊 I think hardest thing I’m facing is I’m also bi/pansexual ANNND I’m married to a cis man or straight I’m still learning everything. It’s hard cause I feels like I have to explain it all the time and never know when to correct someone to use my pronouns either

their make up and hair looked amazing today

Spectrum are uk based and I’ve heard have good binders, I think they’ll be restocking in January

Hi, Keara and happy Thursday in Canada!😊😊😊😊😊☀😎. Wow! You look beautiful with the outfit of the day and the eyelashes....is super incredible like a character from a cartoon movie!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙. I love it!⭐🎉⭐🎉⭐🎉⭐🎉

Sorry, ik this is an old video, but wanted to throw in my 2 cents ab the hybrid pronoun/cisgender combo. As a they/she enby, I first identified as a she/they cis woman. It was helpful to try out they/them pronouns and see if I felt they fit before “committing” to them. And for me, how I felt being referred to that way was an important part of figuring out how I identified. I still think it would have been okay if I’d decided I wasn’t nonbinary but I liked those pronouns. I also believe that a set of pronouns is like gender presentation in the sense that it usually aligns with gender identity but doesn’t have to. Final point is that I think they/them is a wonderful neutral way to address people. It’s how I try to address all strangers until I know for sure what they go by.

i'm pretty confused about gender fluidity...i don't want to be invalidating in any way, i just want to understand....wouldn't that reinforce stereotypes that we know are social constructs? clothes don't have a gender so, i don't really understand what "feeling feminine" or "feeling masculine" really is about. can someone explain it to me?

I have recently had a shockpoint in my life that makes a lot of my past make sense in the context of being around people in situations where it becomes more familiar and becomes a problem. My core is definitely gender-neutral, in my formative years that is what describes me. I have even always related to other people at face value beyond gender, and more as beings. I see this now as my magical wonderchild that lives in an expanded sort of realm where and when I feel safe, almost always when alone and surrounded by my animals, and have always tried to conceal this part of me since people dont know what they are looking at and therefore want to crush it. After the age of reason I developed genderfluidity to fit in and to protect my core. I present female in an earthy warrior woman sort of way lol, as I have always been aware that I have this pronounced masculine side that comes out. Its like I have a female/ male/ child dichotomies that I slide around on and no one really knows me unless I can be all of this in their presence.

thank so you for making this video and as for the persons question stating “ I feel great with identifying as a female, but prefer using she/they pronouns. is that okay.” my answer to this is YES. pronouns and gender identity are two different things but definitely go hand in hand, although it is perfectly fine to identify as a female/male and still go by the pronouns your most comfortable and confident in. if those pronouns are she/they he/they they/them etc that’s perfectly fine. pronouns don’t equal gender so if thats how you feel that’s perfectly okay. they’re also demi gender’s which is something you can look into if that’s something you want to do. an example of this can be a demigirl meaning a part of your gender identity identifies as female and the other as nonbinary. this concludes that your not just solely a female and solely nonbinary you can be both. i really hope this helped. :]

I personally don’t think a cisgender woman or someone 100% identifying as a woman and wanting to use she/they is weird. There could be many reasons, such as being a girl but not always wanting to be labeled or just really enjoying being called they/them. I’m genderfluid and it’s quite rare that I’m 100% male or 100% female, but when I am feeling more male or more female I still love they/them.

💛 You’re Awesome! 💚

I absolutely love your sweater. Where did you get it?

Thank you soooo much for this video. I feel I like I’m non binary and bisexual. It feel rights to me and right to me. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🌈🌈🌈🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

8:12 im a cis woman and i feel this too...some days i feel more fem and others more masc...that doesnt make me feel less of a woman.

Early to bed also sells binders

Genderfluid Content, i needed it so much.

I kinda thinkt that it is ok for this person to want to be call by the pronouns she/they cause some people refer to people they don't know or don't know the gender as they/them

7:20 I can relate to this one, I'm still figuring myself out 🤷

I got my binder from Spectrum outfitters (UK brand)

I came out to my Mum as demifluid (they/she) two weeks ago. And I've brung gender up to her before as some of my friends aren't cis. The hard thing is, is that since I'm demifluid only a part of my gender is actually fluid. So demigirl is my static part and then I go to agender, demiboy to feeling like a girl. So when I told my mum she was fine with it, shes bi and polyamorous and shes a very accepting person, but now I think she forgot about it and she has been only using she/her and now I don't know what to say. And It's worst since demifluid is not well know at all, so i don't know what to do.

This helped explain so much! I've been questioning my gender since as long as I can remember. Currently I've been identifying as Genderfluid, but I feel like a boy or non-binary most of the time. Is it ok to identify as genderfluid but feel like a boy most of the time? Also my parents and entire family are very homophobic so I never have anyone to really discuss with this. I can't even try out different clothing styles cause my family has a specific clothing rule thing. Anyways, this video helped explain a lot and also brought up some other questions! Amazing video, keep up the good work! 💛

💛 also yes you can use any pronouns you want regardless of gender :)

Ur so gorgeous and I loved u on Grand Army and Lost and Found Music Studios

I'm a cis gender female and I was wondering what's the best way for me to be the best Ali I can be because both my siblings just came out and all I want to do is make them feel as accepted and valid as passable but sometimes I don't understand and the truth is I will never be able to fully understand because I don't experience the same things they do so thanks KERA your videos are really helping me out 😘❤️

💛 leaving a yellow heart for you

Hey. My name is Eve and I am 26. I'm bisexual, following you for some time now. I wanted to say that thanks to you, Keara - I finally came out as genderfluid a few days ago. On a daily basis, I function as a woman as that's my gender given by birth and I feel totally okay with it, but when I feel masculine I experience strong gender dysphoria and insanely wish I had a flat chest. While feeling masculine I use the name, Alex, make my hair short and wear loose clothes, mainly wide t-shirts, trousers, and flannel shirts. I really want to buy a binder to make my chest look flat and feel comfortable with my masculine self. Coming out as genderfluid ( but only to my brother, partner, and best friends as the rest of my family, unfortunately, is homophobic) was a great relief to me as there was a time I felt like I was transgender but it was never an answer because I never wanted transition I just felt okay with both genders depending on how I felt at a particular moment - I hated being female for one hundred percent of the time, I was sure I need to be both so my pronouns are she/ her and he/him but sometimes I feel I can also use they/them when I feel like I don't want to define myself in a certain way. I feel so happy knowing there's a specific term for what I've been feeling for the last 9 years ( but I already had secret signs when I was a kid, for example during playing with others I asked about male roles and giving myself masculine names, also enjoying to have a short haircut and sharing clothes with my older brother). My people turned out to be extremely supportive so I absolutely don't regret the decision about coming out 🙂 I'm finally feeling free, thank you so much 🙂 Have a good day, love you ❤