What Happens to CPTSD When You Rush Into Relationships

Рет қаралды 145,400

3 жыл бұрын

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Growing up abused or neglected can predispose you to bad relationships. Your emotions and judgment are altered by what I call "the trauma-shaped hole" -- it can cause you to feel anxious during the early stages of dating and make you anxious to move things forward quickly. But FAST is the enemy of real intimacy for people with CPTSD. In this video I talk about the reasons you may be rushing into romance, and why it does more damage than you think.
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Пікірлер: 709

@i2ndsight 3 жыл бұрын

For almost 50 years every one of my short-lived relationships was either a mirror or reverse of my relationship with one or the other or, at my most unstable both, of my parents. I finally created 20 questions to answer about my next boyfriend and 20 attributes I really deserve in my relationship. Then I had fun and dated until I found my husband who checked all the boxes. I wish it was so easy for everyone. I would share my lists but you really need to create your own list. Use only positive words in each item. So instead of saying "not an alcoholic", say "clean and sober".

@queenneurotica4591 2 жыл бұрын

It’s hard to do the courtship phase when the men you meet just want to dive straight in with sex. I haven’t gone along with what they want for years now, which has just led to years of being single and celibacy. Not easy, but I’m enjoying better relationships with friends snd with myself. Unfortunately, this is the reason why so many women are now realising it’s easier to go it alone.

@catherinewholey3630 3 жыл бұрын

I dont intend to enter into any kind of relationship for a very long time- if ever. 4 years single and absolutely loving the peace

@sws3013 3 жыл бұрын

When you said something to the effect of “this can be done at any age” it made tears well up in my eyes. I’m 40 something and only just learning I’m worthy of being treated well and I want that chance to find the right person still. It’s what I pray for. My ideas about relationships have changed so much as I have healed. Thank you Anna.

@danielleparillo1910 2 жыл бұрын

“You don’t want to use magical thinking as a weapon against your own common sense.”:I love this! I’m gonna say this to myself before any decision I make…thank you, Anna.

@laurzee 2 жыл бұрын

You are the most competent person I've ever heard on the topic of CPSD. This is so insightful for me. Thank you for making these videos for me and all of us who need it!

@CedricsMom 3 жыл бұрын

What is so awful about being alone? Seriously. I am post-menopausal, "alone", and happier than I have ever been. I don't have my hormones demanding that I get into one non-relationship after another. At 63, I finally see just how much control my hormones had over my life. But if you've got some data and research on post-menopausal women who no longer feel like they

@closeyoureyes75 3 жыл бұрын

We've been married for nearly 12 years. I was diagnosed with CPTSD just a few years ago. I'm sure my husband has some degree of it as well. We royally blew the beginning of our relationship, and even broke it off and laid it down to take time to see if it really was something we should do.... And here we are almost 12 married years later. We struggle with communication, flashbacks, and poor coping mechanisms. We both were abused horrifically as children and were in long term abusive marriages before we met. Trainwrecks through and through. But kindhearted, and funny, and creative, and sensitive. I struggle with how we started out often, and we both know we need to learn new ways to navigate the ravages of abuse. It's been very hard and very beautiful at the same time. Is there a video that would be helpful for us? We so want healing. Thank you for all you do, and who you are Anna. You are a treasure for sure. 🌻🦋Margaret Elaine

@allfiredup93 2 жыл бұрын

My current relationship started off fast (we both got carried away) but we noticed just at the right time, so we could slow down. This is the most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in.

@LeMacMac 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video! I also noticed that I'm rushing in towards men that seem slightly interested in me. That anxiety in the dating phase is very difficult for me to manage. In my case I noticed that I was projecting onto them my own insecurities/self criticism, so in a way rushing in was a way for me to get rid of the question "they like me, they like me not". For example when I got to a physically intimate moment (early on) I would be stuck in my head to make sure I look right for him, that he enjoys it etc etc. Basically for me I wasn't able to enjoy our moment together, it became a performance for me in order to avoid potentially all criticisms that he might have. So because I perceived myself as not perfect (I don't accept myself for this reason or for that reason) I was constantly terrified that he will find out my reasons for not liking myself, agree with me that I'm not worthy and leave me. But that creates a tunnel vision for me into ignoring the fact that I might not like him. If all my time at the beginning is spent trying to become likeable I would have zero time/ energy left trying to decide if I like them. That's how I got to "crap fit".

@newleaf4732 3 жыл бұрын

I met someone recently and was completely overwhelmed with feelings even though I knew it wasn't a good idea. I've thrown cold water on my fantasies once already but they came back. Thanks for bringing me back down to earth, I needed it!

@MonaLisaFaceMusic 2 жыл бұрын

Just also want to say that even when you don’t rush in- you’re still going to learn new things about your partner after five or six months- things will continue to get deeper and deeper. It’s also normal for people to have flaws.

@mypointofview1111 3 жыл бұрын

Strangely I've always taken my time with relationships and they're still crappy. I must have a sign that says only bastards need apply. I've been on my own for over 20 years & very happy. Haven't got the time or energy for relationships

@MauraMcG 2 жыл бұрын

I have been grieving my life before I acknowledged my CPTSD. Love is all I've ever wanted in this life. To love and be loved. And it's the one thing I can't figure out. It's incredibly painful. You give me hope that this healing path will work for me.

@gpparis2023 3 жыл бұрын

Me- I don't even like him

@euchiron 3 жыл бұрын

Done both extremes. I had to explore. I needed to learn and understand. I'm feeling that scar tissue a lot. I need to rest and recover. I need to keep the energy vampires away.

@totowashere 3 жыл бұрын

Oh my god it just clicked for me that that's why I always so quickly feel stuck in relationships and I'm just waiting for them to see the "real me" and break up with me (because I have the narrative I'm a crazy and unlovable person). It's because I rush in the relationship with my guards and some rose tinted glasses on, so I don't actually see them and they don't actually see me. - I got a lot of healing to do.

@Wormwoodification 3 жыл бұрын

No one talks about this phase. Thank you so much.

@climbtheladder9440 3 жыл бұрын

Magical thinking has always been a thing for me, but it got kicked into high gear this year because I've been taking such a close look at my childhood and my boundaries.