This TV film was made by a company called "Highgate pictures" . The owner and founder of the company was a gentleman named William Deneen. Bill had made many movies and reinvented the educational film during the 1960's. "Google him" you see . He came out as a gay man while in his mid forties. "What if I'm gay" was one of Bill's last projects and the he was most proud of. He sold his company in the early 1990's shortly after this film was completed . He was also my husband...we were together 19 years . He died over three years ago. I want to thank the person who posted "What if I'm gay" it meant a lot of Bill and to the young people who struggled and still struggling with thier sexuality.

I love how they subverted the stereotype. The first 10 minutes try to sell you the idea that the guy who wears certain clothes, listens to certain music (Jazz) & has no girlfriend is gay. But just like in real life, you don't know that unless they come out. That was smart.

My son is Gay and i already knew before he finally told me and his dad we hugged him and told him no matter what we would always love him it was a very liberating and emotional moment i will never forget its always better to be who you are.

My coming out was a very tough time. I had just graduated high school and was working part time and attending a local university. I had met an older guy in the cafeteria. After a few months the only reason I wanted to go to school, was to see him. We started talking more seriously, and what I’d hoped was true. He started taking me to my first gay clubs. It was an exciting time........... except for AIDS. I told a couple very close friends, they were gay as well, and a couple. The following year, things were going well, I was having fun meeting new people, going new places. Then the $hit hit the fan. My folks asked what they expected. I was given 30 minutes to pack what I wanted, leave my keys on the table, and get out. I remember all the whispers as I walked up the sidewalk to McDonalds to used the phone. I called my boyfriend and he came racing to the restaurant to pick me up. It was a rough several years. My boyfriend wasn’t interested in a long time, long term thing. So, I took my time and moved. The next live in situation was worse, roommates doing drugs all night. I wasn’t happy. I called him telling what was going on and he came to get me. He still wasn’t happy, and I knew it. I found out he hadn’t been paying the rent on our house even though I was paying him. I moved back to my folks. I saw different guys, nothing clicked. Then the following year, my first b.f. called wishing me a happy birthday. We started dating, AGAIN. he had started a new job, but said he wasn’t feeling right and had to wait for his health insurance to start. One night I tried calling, no answer. I called more, different times. I even stopped by his house. It was always dark and his car was gone. I didn’t know what to think.then a month later his brother called. He said his brother had been very sick and didn’t want me seeing him the way he had gotten. Leukemia. He was gone and I’d never see him again. I dated other men who were all jerks. Started seeing a therapist. I rarely went out. Sometimes after a session I go to a mall and look around. One night I found myself at Tiffany’s. I heard a nice voice behind me ask “see anything you like?”. I turned around to face a taller, dark hair and eyes, moustache and stubble. He held his hand out. “Hi I’m Matt.”. A little small talk, then we went off to sit in a lounge at the bar. I had fun. The following Monday I was at my folks for family dinner. The phone rang and it was Matt asking if I’d like to join him for dinner......... anywhere I’d like to go. I told I was sorry but I was having dinner with my folks and asked for a rain check. He sounded disappointed but understood. My mom asked who called, when I told her she picked up the phone and said call back, you can have dinner with us anytime. We started dating. After 3 years we moved in together. After 10 years my folks took us on a cruise. They knew how happy Matt made me. All of our folks are gone now. This year will be 32 for us. I’m so happy I went into Tiffany’s that night.

My parents knew I was gay and accepted me without even having to say anything. My father said to me when I was around 16, as long as you're happy and whoever you're seeing treats you with respect he didn't care. Both my parents told me the same thing at different times ( be honest about who you are and never be ashamed of who you are ). In high school 10th grade an upper classmate called me a fa**ot, my older sister heard him say that to me and punched dead center in his face ( I think she chipped one of his teeth ) she had to stay after school for one week for an hour sitting there doing nothing. The kid who called me that got susppended for two weeks. If you're gay or lesbian don't be ashamed of who you are walk with your head held high and just be the best person you can be .. also treat others the way you want to be treated.

The writer purposely made you wonder at first which one was the gay one,throwing alan in so that people would assume he was the one because he was a late bloomer or a bit different.A great way to make a point early on in the movie and overall really a masterpiece for the time.This movie did everything right,and deserves top recognition I think.

This kid is exactly the way I was in high school. I was a big jock, girls swooning over me, but the whole time I wanted to be with a couple guys on my football team. It wasn’t easy, but I got through it. I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for nine years and I’ve never been so happy!

As depressing and old fashioned as this movie now seems, the fact this movie was even made was actually a step forward and was a sign of progress back then. It was a very difficult time. I was 19 in 1987.

The oboe is doing the most in this soundtrack

I am 65 now. I came out to my best (girl) friend in school when I was 17. She was very supportive. I was completely on my own except for her, it was hell! Now i am celebrating my 37th year with my wonderful partner. Very moving film.

ALAN IS A REAL FRIENDS.

Am I the only person who thought that Alan was going to be the gay one??

Everyone needs a councillor like mr powl and a friend like Alan.

Alan was ahead of his time, good man

This was a great film. I am 21 years old, male, and questioning my own sexuality. So it was great to see this.

As a 12 year old when i first saw this, I felt really bad for him. All these years later I still feel bad for the people who feel they have to hide who they really are. I’m happy for the lgbt community that things have come a long way after all they’ve fought for. Everyone deserves to be who they are. Everyone deserves that very basic happiness.

I mostly can't tell the difference between Todd and Kirk, it's like they're twins

I am gay and three guys I went to high school with in the 1970s committed suicide. People like to say things have changed, but it hasn't... the hate is just hidden now.

This was so ahead of its time I can hardly believe it exists. It was made before I was born, but I think if I’d seen it as a teen it would have helped me out a lot. They addressed so much: stereotypes, bullying, misinformation regarding HIV, experimenting, and the sad fact that some people just won’t accept you even after you accept yourself. About the only thing missing is some info about the sexuality spectrum, but you can’t blame them for not knowing everything. It’s a really good special.

Did anyone else think that Alan was the gay one?

Wow. I was 27 when this came out. I knew I was gay more than 10 years before. I am 60 now believing that I wasted the best years of my life. I am working on it.

Christ, I've been pestered with that "why are you trying so hard to be different" line. That sure hits home. There's no "trying"

I was 17 when this movie was made - it would have helped enormously if I had seen it back then. Although quite dated, it still has a great message for young gay kids.

Had no Idea they made a film like this way back then, it would have been an amazing thing to know I was not alone having the same feelings. I was 16 in 1987 and struggling to accept my sexuality and continued to carry the burden for another 4 years because I was so afraid anyone would find out; finally did at 20 gave my self a choice either killed my self or come out, I'm glad I decided the ladder just telling someone I was gay was enough for me to lift that weight I had been carrying since I was 14 and realized that 1st I should have done it a lot sooner and 2nd there was no reason to be afraid.

Blast from the past, I was ten when this came on the television. I was home sick from school that week and I had never seen anything like it. I had seen gay people but they were much older and I didn't really get it. This solidified what I already knew, I was gay and other people were like me. I was far off from being old enough to really come to terms with it but a few years later, 1992, I came out, sophomore year of highschool. Crazy crazy memories.

I treasure what my mom said a few years after I came out “I would March in Gay Pride but I have arthritis!”

My name is Todd. It's on my birth certificate. I am 65 years-old, gay and this is the first time I ever saw this story. With that connection, it's beautiful, truthful, hard and healing. I only wish at the end Todd could have found someone like him like I did. ❤

An excellent coming out film, especially for one made in 1987. Once we find out who is gay and witness the inevitable backlash from the best friend, it's encouraging to see who deal with it sympathetically, the excellent advice from a true friend and later from a counselor. Definitely worth watching and still as relevant today.

I thought this was going to be terrible but it's so good! There is some really poignant dialogue and deft performances. I'm so glad this existed in 1987 as a beacon of hope for anybody that felt 'other'.

11:30 "It has a good weightlifting article..." - - LoL

Todd totally didn’t throw that mag out

36:03 it makes me cry. It's so special that Todd has someone who loves him unconditionally.

When he said "I'm not gay" to his friend like that Oh it just hit me right in the feels

Love the twist. Being a gay man myself, it was great seeing a movie in the 80s show that things aren't as they seem. Also the way they touched on the AIDS pandemic of the era was very elegant and smart move. Great to see a gay themed movie that didn't end in tragedy but on a happy note! Thank you director & writer!!

The advice to come out and let his parents help him through that is not necessarily good advice. Some parents will "help" by packing their kid off to some terrible school or reeducation camp.

This is as relevant today as it was then. WOW!

I searched for this afterschool special for years. I'm thrilled to finally come across it again. I was a freshman in high school in Georgia when it came on tv. I'd only just started to realize that I was gay and my emerging sexuality made me feel increasingly alienated from the friends and people I'd grown up with to that point. There was nothing like this on tv at the time that was an entire show, let alone one aimed at kids, that was about gays and even had the word 'gay' in the title. Hell, you just didn't find any gay characters at all at that time, not specifically out as gay anyway. It provided a lifeline to me when I saw it. And the fact that a big well-known actor at the time like Ed Marinaro starred in it very much legitimized it for me as well. I'll always be thankful that he took the chance on doing such a project, risking his career during that era when anything gay-associated had such a negative stigma attached to it. Thank you so much for posting this video and allowing me to relive this crucial film from my youth.

What a great movie. I’m 43 and my parents never accepted my homosexuality. I’m glad movies were being shown and others got accepted.

Even though it was the 80's, it was still very brave of all of the actors to take part in making this film. Ed Marinaro being part of it was especially rare. A known macho actor playing a supportive character in a gay film would have been major back then and I applaud him for adding his support. I wish I had seen it back then when I was a teen/20 something.

Well if I was Allan I don't think I would have reacted that way if I saw that magazine at a friend's house. I think I would have just put it back in the desk and talked to Todd in private "Hey Todd, you are a great friend, listen I saw that magazine in your desk, did not want to embarrass you. I am your friend no matter what and just let me know if you ever want to talk!"

The plot twist was solid

Absolutely beautiful film. I loved watching Todd develop into someone who was much more accepting of himself. Thank goodness this world has been on a slow but steady path toward acceptance of people like us since the 80s.

I'm an ordained non denominational minister.Unfortunately, the sad truth is that for some, parents stop loving their kids once they know that their kids are gay and some lose their friends. In my opinion these so called parents and so called friends don't deserve to have them as their children and their friends.

Most of the exterior shots were filmed at my home in Montclair, NJ. The indoor shots were filmed at another house down the street because the director thought our house was too fancy. They did this really fast and I was an extra in one scene but it was cut out. Here we are - all these years later - and I am the movie writer/producer and all of these guys have been submitted at one time or another for projects I worked on. They are all swell guys -- especially Evan Handler (Allen) - he is very talented. I remember a lot about this.

I got disowned by my parents who also employed me. . .and so I also lost my job. Lost all my friends from Jehovah's Witnesses and had to start over. To this day I'm atheist, gay, and happy

This is 3 years before Beverly Hills 90210 premiered and STILL Gabrielle Carteris (Andrea Zuckerberg) looks more like a teacher than a high school student.

It's hard to remember when a whole pizza cost only $7.50! Ah, for the good old days.

I love how supportive Allen is, coming from a someone who is into the opposite sex, I would love to have someone who is that present and respectful of my decisions, and just overall doesn’t care what other people think of him or her hanging out around me🖤

I remember when this special was on television. I was 16-17. I saw the advertisements and I secretly wanted to watch it. Somehow I missed everything but the last 5 minutes. So it’s good to see it on KZfaq after 30 years. Some of the acting at the beginning is laughable but the story is affecting and well done. A lot to think about.

This is a beautiful film. I was watching bits and pieces of it this morning. It brings back the angst, anxiety and fear I felt in high school, and the bullying and horrible way I was treated. It's handled here, from what I saw, with care, sensitivity, and realism. Well done.

So many broken families and divorces from society's forced ideals, and years and decades of unhappiness, deep secrets, and/or just tolerating circumstances

1987? Holy shit I was born that year and I totally remember watching this movie on tv when I was like 8 and it was about the same time I started to slowly understand “what” I was, even as a kid. I thought Allen was supposed to be the gay one, they usually portray gays as short and weak 😒

This film...it holds up well even 32 years later

What an amazing little film. Very nicely done if only we all had a friend like Alan!

Wtf?! Lol. This is waaay ahead of its time I feel like. Yeah I know Will and Grace came out in 99 or whatever but I still feel like this is way ahead of its time

I stumbled upon this. Was not going to watch it..I WATCHED IT...AND CRIED !!!! This should be required watching for alot of people. Very well done. I was just out of high school in 1987. I relate to alot of this. This really hit home and brought back alot of memories. -Kirk.. ( and for real, yes, my name is ...Kirk..)

What's "gay" is that the super macho hetero dude cares so much who his "brother" is attracted to. It's not like the guy is going around being flamboyant or anything...he's still the same person. The straight dude drew alllll the attention to the situation by yelling about it like a megaphone. Think he must be closeted himself.

The message in 1987 was clear: how can you expect to be accepted by people if you don't accept yourself ? Talk to you parents first. Very good 34 years ago till now ! JAL - Rio de Janeiro - Brazil

What if I'm gay what a great movie. Didn't know things were that rough back then in 87 I came out in 82 and had no problem!!!!

We watched this in high school health class back in '98 and I remember it so well! Thanks for sharing.

I only came out to my family after almost dying from a skydiving accident. I was shocked at how relaxed everyone was about it.

It’s funny how a film made in 1987 has helped me understand myself more than most modern films about the same topic, so whoever made this, thank you, sincerely: a random 14 year old who is confused about their sexuality

I was 17 years old when this was released and watched it. I remember watching and how much I could resonate with Todd. I was this closeted kid putting on a facade for family, friends, and society. I dared not come out at that time because of the fear of my parents kicking me out, the rejection from friends and the ignorance from society when it came to being gay....No matter your age, this is a great show to watch!

I recognize two of these guys from 'Sex and the City'. Charlotte's second hubby (Evan Chandler) and the alcoholic Carrie dated who fell in love too quickly and stripped outside in the street.

I'm not gay but this movie made me wanna punch Kirk in the face for claiming to be Todd's friend and then going behind his back and spreading rumors about his "friend"

Deborah can't come to the phone right now lol

Evan Handler - the curly haired friend in this movie, became the bald guy in Sex and the City years later.

In the beginning they were trying to make it seem like Allen was the one who was gay with the gay stereotyping: liking jazz, being in love with Marilyn Monroe, the only woman for him. Then you find out it's the jock. But regarding the gay male porno magazine I'm curious how a high school kid could purchase that. It used to be all the adult mags were behind the counter (although not always) and you had to be 18 to buy them.

That was good. I'm still depressed but it was good. Life isn't an after school special.

Excellent Afterschool special. TV networks should really think about making these again instead of endless pop up pundits, dumb afternoon talk shows and 24 hr news shows. Even tho a lot of afterschool specials may not have had all the answers, they tried to get as much info they were allowed by the networks to, out there for youth. At least they got conversations started and made youth and parents think more about the social issues in contemporary society.

This short film is worth the time to watch. Thanks for sharing it!

As a queer person, I full expected to laugh my way through this late 80s after school special. But it was actually kinda… good!

Well done. It gives the perspective of all involved in this situation. Including the girl dating the homosexual and the “late bloomer” the one who’s always questioned. Even if it’s not about sexuality a lesson can be learned about facing your insecurities whatever they are and learning how to be yourself and a better friend. Thank you algorithm for another gem!

this short had a lot of great ways of stating the obvious. And had a profound reality to actual life and feelings. I enjoyed this film and Thank you for posting it. Many can learn from the story.

mom, dad, i'm gaelic.

I know how hard it is to accept, but when it happens it's magical!

Worst ending ever. Like they ran out of money and chopped it with an axe.

I thought it really sucked being gay in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. People today don’t know how horrible it was for us, but when you think about it, that’s a really good thing! My hope is that no others have to go through what we did.

This has that earnest 1980s vibe where half the drama is lecturing the audience, but it's so endearing and important, and it actually works well. What's sad is that in 2021, there are still straight people who desperately need to see this, just for some of the "talking head" elements, and it's safe for them since the gay protagonist never once shows an active love/lust interest in anyone on screen. All-in-all, this was quite refreshing, and it represents an important part of LGBTQ+ history, especially in regard to representation on film/video.

This is so good, amazing to show how towards the end of the 80s things were starting to change ever so slightly; now look where we are.

23:18 i need to do a dramatic lawnmower exit in my life, that was well executed haha

Ok. I thought curly head was going to be gay.

I'm straight but open-minded. Recently, I found out that my best friend, who I've been growing up with since childhood, is gay (I think.) We are Catholic, and nobody knows this except me. His family doesn't know yet. He doesn't look gay (effeminate) at all. He plays many sports (i.e. hockey, wrestling, soccer, etc.) He's tougher than I am. He'll be a senior in a Catholic (all-boys) HS this fall. I'm not sure what to do with him if the words get out.

1987 still wasn't a good time. I was 25 years old and such an idea was frightening and inconceivable. It took 6 more years. I hear it's not so bad for young people today. I hope not.

I’m more worried about why the entire school “kids” look old enough to be my parents than who’s gay or not gay.

In a weirdly sad way i almost like that his "best friend" still didn't really accept him by the end. its realistic, he just couldn't look past his own prejudice and there's no fairy tale "motivational speech erases all his prejudice and they make up" trope. some people won't accept you and your life is better off without them no matter how deeply it hurts to let them go. some people will just never come around and there's only so much you can try to get them to understand your humanity before you have to give up and stick with the people who do love you for the real you, not the you you were pretending to be for years. not everything will magically get better if you accept yourself, not everyone will be your friend again. some people will always be homophobic. the important thing is letting those people go and seeing your self worth as something inherent and untouchable by the opinions of people who refuse to change

The fool no one leaves their men’s magazine in a desk drawer

Dude this was amazing! Whoever made this film is amazing

"What if I'm Gay " !! How can someone not know what they like ? We know foods we don't like, hate, or love !

Being gay is NOT a lifestyle.

Wow. What a great movie! Times have changed but the principles remain the same. They ought to show this much, much more often!

PS "Andrea", from Beverly Hills 90210 is in this

How difficulty it was in my time to accept the way I was. I suffered so much and didn't have anyone to turn to. Missed the best things in my life hiding my feeling and terrified people would find out my real me. Today I still see intolerant people but now I at least accept who I am and f... the society and its rules.

I liked Nancy - she seemed down to earth! "No reason it can't be dignified and fulfilling" - that was back then. Now for a lot of people it's "you're life is kinda normal."

A wonderful film about a very difficult era to discover one's homosexuality. The dialogue was precise and very expertly written - even for that time. How different we are now. From all I can see in the media, being "gay" is the "in" thing to be. People seem to dismiss the penetrating personal difficulties one still suffers, even in 2021. Fortunately, today's climate does make it a more positive experience to admit your sexuality, whatever it may be. Beautifully done!

This message is for Eddie, please forgive me for all the lies, And all the deceitful things I have done to our Sweet and innocent and loving relationship. But please remember this Eddie. Why’ll we were apart , I was human to...

Being a film from 1987, this aged suprisingly well!

Wait a minute! Is Alan that bald guy from Sex and the City? Charlotte’s second husband, Harry??

Great film. I wasn’t going to watch it at first because of the title being so obvious. But I’m glad I did. I loved the writing and the way the writer told the story. He made us think in the beginning the gay guy was obvious but then the twist came and it was one you didn’t expect. The writing was so good that it made us judge someone just because they were different from what we think is normal. This is a great learning lesson for many people.

This is my generation. The 2 male teachers in my school who most of the female teachers and a lot of the female students had crushes on, were both gay. The Most Masculine Male student in my school became a famous gay porn star . . He knows who I am . School was hell for me but most of the bullies were too chicken-shit scared of me to call me names or threaten me to my face, they always waited till i'd passed them in the hall before they said anything Or they would be driving passed in a car . The students are all grown now but Clicks still exist, so I don't get invited to class reunions .Unfortunately Class Reunions, in the case of my school-year-class are exclusively for the stuck up elitist straight people who think that they are better than everybody else .So lots of others from my class year don't get invited either .