You forgot when the barista announces that for five minutes people need to get up, walk around and forcibly talk to complete strangers they will probably never meet again or have a chance to get to know in any real way. And the music that is so insanely loud, it is unhealthy for human eardrums; but this was 2008 maybe it needs an update.

Javalujah. Dying. Hahaha As a Christian, I completely support this parable. After I left for college and went looking for a church away from home I realized a lot of them are like this.

The six doors but only one unlocked! LOL

These parodies are important. They teach people what NOT to be

"We just want some coffee". Probably the most poignant line of dialogue in the video. Think about it

Being raised atheist then converting and trying to figure out church people... this really hits home. Very well made, I hope some of those churchy people who watch it will get the point. We just want Jesus. If we get that, the rest comes into play on its own. Otherwise I will just learn to conform and fake the Spirit, fill a pew, and then die and go to Hell. Javallujah!

lolololol "I know deep down inside, a bean's been planted."

This is too real. Painfully real.

When a restaurant has lousy parking and shabby exterior but consistently good food, it will most likely get customers by word of mouth and those customers will probably visit again. It's the desire to have a good meal that drives them, not the trappings. Those extras are nice but they can't stop determined people. People that God has drawn will be satisfied to hear God speak to them through the scriptures. If your church focuses on presenting the scriptures then all that attend will be able to grow. The perception of guests will naturally be that God is speaking to them and they will have the best possible chance of attending again.

manager's wife parking only

I've been to many churches in my life and I can say this is pretty true. Not all churches are like this, but a lot are, at least where I'm from.

Seeing Papyrus, Comic Sans, and Curlz all in one composition in this video reaffirmed to me that Satan does indeed walk the Earth. Sometimes he has access to the Adobe Font Folio.

Very clever. And, sadly, very accurate.

Walking into a church like "I just want some God" Way too relatable, especially if you are a Christian who feels uncomfortable at church!

Oh my gosh this is so painfully true. Almost identical mannerisms of a megachurch my family used to attend.

Although I've been a Christian my whole life I recently moved to another church by myself and experienced being a new member for the first time, and believe me, it was way more overwhelming than this video. What stood out about this video the most was the part when the couple walked in and the black man just looked at them and ignore them; I think I experienced a lot of that when I first moved church.

I was expecting the punchline to be that they don't actually serve any coffee. They talk about it a lot and promise that you'll get coffee when you die, but... no real coffee.

I hate when churches are like this. There is such a thing as "overlyfriendly".... this is it. Yes, we need to be kind and accepting, but not like this. But I enjoyed the video. It was pretty funny! :)

This is what a church looks like that is lacking the Holy Spirit! All man made efforts,modern religion! Jesus, help us !! Let the true church move in power and change lives,we are called to set captives free not put on new shackles!!!

"I found out when I gave my coffee came back to me pressed down, shaking together and running out all over, and I was a changed man!" 🤣😂😆 this is too much

Why I like small churches and small food chains

As funny and mostly-accurate as this video is, It sure is a good thing that people don't come to church wanting the same sort of thing that they want from Starbucks. Newcomer to Starbucks: "All I want is a cup of coffee." Newcomer to Church: "All I want is..." what exactly? Connection? Community? Hope? Or just to sit for an hour and a half without gaining anything more significant than a cup of coffee? There is definitely a difference in quality of the thing that is sought after between Starbucks and the Church.

The competition down the street must be Pente-Costa-Coffee!

This is why I liked my small backwoods little church (before it got rebuilt and became fancy and everyone stopped loving everyone)

Being Christian myself, I found this quite hilarious XD.

All those doors with most of them locked 😂 so relatable

Agreed. If you want to grow the church, Preached the Word, preach it in depth and preach it uncompromisingly.

And Jesus stretched out his hand and LO, there appeared to the disciples a glorious caramel Macchiato. But the disciples quarreled among themselves. "Master," cried Peter, "Did I not order a venti frappuchino with a sprinkling of almonds thereupon?" And Mark also cried out with a loud voice, for he did greatly desire a grande spiced pumpkin latte with two percent, for did not the LORD command that whole milk is an abomination from which comes ungodly cellulite? And Thomas, the Doubter, did complain mightily, for the heat of his mocha burned greatly and was more than 165 degrees in the scale known as Fahrenheit, which was adapted from the great and ancient kings of Britannica and is still used until this day. And there arose a great commotion as the disciples did fight amongst themselves. But Jesus said, "Let he who has ordered the carmel Macchiato first come forth, and take from me this burden, for LO it is heavy upon my hand and much has it scorched me!" Then Mary said, "Oh Master, it was I who did order the caramel Macchiato for great was my temptation!" And she bowed her head in shame. But Jesus said, "RISE, Mary, and be thee unashamed, for I have made this drink free of sugar! Behold it is yet tasty but the curse of cellulite is not upon it!" And she stretched forth her hand and did partake of the caramel Macchiato which Jesus had made.

One problem I've had with churches that act like this is, forcing people who are new to stand up in front of everybody, and have the spotlight shown on them. Years ago, when friends had invited me to their church that happened, and it put me right off from ever going with them again. When people come up wanting hope, or the need for Christ in their lives, this action makes people uncomfortable, and want to run out of there as fast as they can!

Church of Nice (worship centers that try to pass themselves off as Christian, but are glorified community centers) is actually pretty close to this. lol

The guy with the apron sounds like Joel Osteen.

You guys nailed it, great concept very funny, the coffee preacher was legit

I thought churches were marketed like Starbucks.

My church is nothing like this, fortunately. However, it's not a mega church, and no one there gets paid. I mean no one. :)

Cool presentation of what we need to change.

Unfortunately, this is what happens when churches "market" at all. I was not called to market. I was not called to even "build a church". I was called to bring people to Jesus, and bring Jesus to people. :-)

"Coffee is good all the time All the time coffee is good. "

I feel like this is blasphemy...yet so accurate. Sad reality.

As a pastor and minister for 33 years, I really enjoyed this video! But please keep in mind; the church is a 2000 + year-old institution based on a 4000 + year old history. My job as a "modern" pastor is to bridge the gap between the old and the new. This video is good information, but just like a surgeon has to be patient , careful, and gentle in removing bad stuff from the body, we too have to be patient, careful, and gentle in removing archaic ideologies from the church. I will be showing this video to my staff as a training tool. Thanks for making this video. Javalujah!

I pastor a new church in Metro Detroit. We showed this video a few weeks ago, cause we're lookin at relocating into retail space. This was a big hit! Thanks!!!

“...and I will make you baristas of men”

My dad (a pastor) played this in his church- love it!

Very well done! Even churches that claim that they do not market, market. Marketing is everything you do to communicate who you are and how you present yourself. It ultimately comes down to perception. What do you think of when you hear iPod or Coke? You bring up an image or feeling about the product. How do visitors perceive your church? Most churches encourage their members to invite new people, yet are not prepared to be inviting visitors yet. This is why most visitors will not come back.

In my church, the coffee has been made, served, and consumed in the same way for hundreds of years, ever since we quit drinking Italian roast in the 1500s (it was a huge scandal). It is a very formal process, but very beautiful and meaningful. Visitors are absolutely welcome to drink as little or as much as they like, to order or simply follow along in the Menu of Common Coffee Drinks at first. It took me a few weeks to memorize my order, but the folks around me were very friendly and helpful.

The "Javalujah!" broke me. I was dying as a Christian.

JAVALUEH!

Interesting teaching story. Tough to teach an old dog new tricks (the Church). Newer forms (or attempts to do so) seem to fall short as well. Wonderful that God is still involved in our messes.

Yeah, they should add "any resemblance to your church is DEFINITELY intended"...this is a great way to get a necessary message across...GREAT JOB!

After watching this, I may use this for my lesson for the youth group. I just have to do some thinking about how I am going to make a lesson lol

I visited one of those seeker-sensitive churches back in January. It's amazing how accurate this video is. Amazing and sad. They even had greeters wearing these neon vests who opened the car door for me. It was kind of creepy, and all the people who rushed over trying to be all friendly seemed a little fake.

Love this video! For people who apparently aren't getting the purpose of this video, it's for us, the members of the church, to see what it's like for first time guests. They feel like they're standing out like a sore thumb. It's like going to a new school. You feel totally weird! Thank you beyondrelevance for posting this!

Nearly pissed myself at Javaluah!

lol "I havn't been to a coffee shop since I was a little girl"

I know this was a joke, but it is unfortunate if this is even slightly realistic in many churches. My whole life I have gone to one that doesn't have tithing or collections.

When "shopping" for a church when I moved, I did come across a couple that had a slight vibe to this. Did not go back. Fakery is too awkward and and a waste of time.

EVERYTHING shown in this video is the exact reason why I dreaded attending church :) I'm a pretty faithful christian, but I'm also a practical and realistic person. I tried being a good christian, but i'm not a perfect person and was looked down upon for not attending church every sunday. How do people expect me to attend church every sunday when the few times I try to go, I face this? Maybe if I went more, I'd be a part of the group, but I can't even get started, because of fear.

This is why I like to enjoy my coffee alone with no one else involved

This was sooo true and absolutely hilarious

this was sooo creative and well done. made me laugh the whole way through, and realize a lot of things about the church that have intimidated me my entire life.

This is hilarious. Very spot on parody of the charismatic church.

Oh Papyrus... the typeface that just won't quit.

This was awesome and eye opener

This truly brings to light how "first time visitors" actually see the church. Javalujah! that cracks me up =)

Also, it is an acceptable answer.. The big thing people tend to try to use against Christians is the "hypocrite" card, A church is basically a group of sinners, who recognize that they are sinners and they are seeking God. Once you become a Christian you don't just become an angel who never sins, its a constant battle throughout life.

This video reminded me of how Western Christianity is a money making business.

This is so spot on its scary! lol

I am in tearsssssssss....deep down inside I know a bean has been planted

wow if my church acted like that we would be empty! HAHA

“a parable” i’m screaming

I've got one of those mini vacuum cleaners but it's very weak.

I totally agree and it needs to be a genuine welcome too not something that feels forced and artificial. For me, forced greetings also feel creepy. I probably wouldn't return.

Last night my wife and I visited a new church for the first time. We're (part of) "church" for decades, just worshiping at another congregation. Although the message was amazing, having seen this video yesterday, I could recognize that many of the same things were done at this congregation, although the people there were very friendly last night. It makes me think, though. Your message successfully communicated, I believe.

Hehe! i think this would be more like american churches than churches worldwide

hahaha Good commentary

Left the church a while ago and don't intend to go back, but I really enjoyed this video. It perfectly captured the bland, wealth-laden irrelevance of the suburban churches I attended throughout my life. More than a few could have doubled as country clubs, but at least the country clubs didn't pretend to be humble or preach at you about poverty in Christ. Javaluyah!

This is so funny! I think a lot of people don't understand what parables are so they're getting offended. But the wonderful thing is it's getting people thinking and talking and having conversations about things they hadn't thought about.

Finally, a religion I can get behind.

Dunkin' Donuts funds a children's charity, Starbucks funds Planned Parenthood. The CEO of Starbucks said if I'm for traditional marriage, he doesn't want my business. Very well, but I do stop in to use the restroom to register my opinion of Starbucks.

This is sooooo freakin accurate.

Along with the humor, this video is so much deeper than many people see. This is not about "selling" God. This is about effectively communicating who Jesus is to the people of your community and church. If we focus solely on theology, and not about how to communicate to visitors and members of our church, we have missed the point of the Gospel. Jesus met people where they were at, and many times changed how he ministered based on who he was speaking to. That is textbook church marketing 101!

What if our focus was on doing the work of God as opposed to doing the work of man. God gave us a command in Matthew 28: 18-20. it says "Go ye therefore" I'll stop there because He told us all to go someplace, but His command specifically said "to the nations" This is what He commanded us to do. He never commanded us to build churches and create an empire where men rule and get rich. This is what He taught against in The New Testament. I really thinks this is a great eye opener for those that are truly looking for the Real JESUS and not just an experience for a day in CHURCH. So as people all over the world are dying of thirst, we here in the US are haggling over what should go on a doggone "COFFEE CUP." How small does that make us? Let's get over ourselves and begin to experience God in a real way.

javaluah!!! xD omg died

This is a great video. Actually, too many experiences like this in evangelical churches is a big part of why I started looking for something else. I don't regret it though, because without that experience I might not have joined the Episcopal church, which I love dearly. Of course, there's nothing that keeps mainline churches from being obnoxious in this fashion either.

It makes me think about what people really do think about when they visit my church for the first time.

Still painful to watch.

I'm Buddhist how did I even get here? 😂

Just a thought: when Starbucks started serving hot sandwiches their profits began to take a dive... The with many customers who actually came to drink coffee becoming upset over the wait time and the new group of customers who didn't care for coffee in the slightest, but instead came because it was the "cool" thing to get their sandwich and a frilly drink because which also takes forever in coffee time.

I'm not a fan of Starbuck's, but this was spot on with their advertising techniques. Funny!

JAVALUIAH OMG I DIED

JAVALEUIA

This is the greatest thing on KZfaq!

As an atheist who doesn't drink coffee, I find this video really funny. The few times I've had to go to a church service and the few times I've been dragged to a Starbucks have given me the same feeling of being an outsider in a place I don't really want to be.

The gift of the holy spirit is not a coffee mug, neither are the teachings of Jesus. I appreciate satire, production values, acting, camera work and script. I also concur with views that see evangelism as just greed for the contents of the collection plate, but must add that not all churches are like that. Some use such proceeds to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, heal the sick and shelter the poor. What proportion of church goers provide cash or credit cards to meet price variables too often attributed to Starbucks? What was the name of that mafia movie; "Pay Or Die? Lastly, I noted all the actors look as if they, coincidently, eat regularly.

THIS IS HILARIOUS!! THINK ABOUT IT, PEOPLE!!

This is so spot-on accurate that it's scary.

Out of all those new coffee drinkers I wonder how many were discipled in the ways of coffee before being pushed aside for the next group of possible coffee converts? History, the true nature of and the goodness of coffee? I seriously doubt anyone said, "You never know what coffee is going to do" or "All coffee brews for a reason". haha I could go on and on. Thanks for posting!

In my experience, church is marketing itself like Starbucks. The guys come in wearing a man-bag with their iPad, then order skinnyfrappylatachinoes and talk about the office, meanwhile in a corner the visiting speaker sits with the pastor in a cordoned off VIP area talking about 'kingdom life' and who to make the gospel relevant. The pastor speaks to the guest speaker more that morning than he has to me in 10 years.

They teaching on this. This is more than 10 years old and still teaching!

This is great! I pray that church leaders will see this and embrace needed change.

Ya'll are HILARIOUSSSS...those signs all overrr....pahahahahahahahahha