You robbed me of solitude but provided no companionship.

The horrible feeling of having sex not only with a stranger, but with someone who hates you is spiritually damaging.

The more time you are together , the more you feel like you are living with a stranger because of the lack of intimacy. This is so true.

In my twenty years with the narcissist, I felt I was sitting at a banquet table, laden with food, and my hands were tied. ‘Starving’ for any connection, I finally realized I was valued only for taking care of the house and the children. I was a housekeeper with benefits for him. That was the saddest realization I’ve ever had.

If you find yourself begging for a hug when you were at your lowest, I think there may be a problem.

Being next to someone and still feeling alone is not good. That was my relationship.

Every time I start missing my ex or doubting my feelings I return to these videos and I am very quickly reminded why I left! Thank you Dr. Ramani!

You just described my whole relationship! I’m sick and tired of feeling like I am not enough! I’m tired of being shut down left starving for affection and intimacy from the person who is suppose to be my partner! Never in my life have I ever experienced this kind of mental circus of Abuse with anyone in my life!

Trying to be close to a narc is like being a "working girl" who never gets paid.

Only one who has lived through this really appreciates how painful it is.

After the initial love bombing phase of mind bending sex, you can stand naked in front of the narcissistic partner and they will likely not even glance in your direction. Their avoidance of intimacy of any kind leaves you feeling like a ghost, wandering the halls of your home invisible and unacknowledged in even the most fundamental ways. Intimacy for narcissists is literally terrifying as it threatens to connect them with their core vulnerable selves. They will pretend to offer and enjoy intimacy - but in reality their plan is to have you as a function and nothing more and they have disdain for your own intimate needs.

In a "normal" relationship the years add to intimacy getting stronger and that bond deeper. Not with a narcissist....there is a feeling of something is not right and eventually you don't feel "close" to the narcissist anymore. If you ever say "I don't feel close to you anymore" they are so shocked and surprised and take it an an insult.

Never finding the right person is way better than keeping the wrong one. Don't worry if you'll ever find someone, love yourself and get out of this situation.

They cannot have deep conversations. Everything about them is shallow. Nothing can satisfy them.

The saddest thing for me is that I had no idea what narcissism was, or that these people existed. I could never understand why I was always sucked into the same kind of situation. I couldn't understand that I was an empath, and a narcissist magnet! It's only been in the last 2 year (and I'm 57) that I've learned any of this stuff. My entire life has been one recurring pattern after another. So sad.

Every time I fight for more "intimacy" I just get shut down and called crazy! This makes so much sense and finally someone that gets my relationship!

The amount of insight this woman has is crazy. I'm hearing my relationship described to a T.

Narcissistic men feel they can treat you anyway that they want to and you’re just still supposed to get turned on by them somehow yuck

He never tells me he loves me. I was indeed starved of intimacy and became insecure in our relationship

For years I thought my marriage was an anxious-avoidant relationship. Just after divorce I realized I was in an abusive narcissistic one, and boy that changed my view, erased most of my guilt, and overall made me able to accept and let go.

I had that uncomfortable feeling. I begged my husband to talk to me and connect with me. He made me feel like I was crazy.

NO emotional intimacy at all. INCAPABLE of having deep conversations. LIES about his ENTIRE past, present and future. NOTHING he says is truthful & NOTHING he does is genuine. It's like we're just ACTORS playing the role of a couple.

This is crazy how spot on it is! As soon as I started to notice the changes in my ex partner I started to get more and more distant with him in all aspects of intimacy, even kissing was hard for me to do, he would get so upset and say you don’t even want to kiss me anymore but he refused to listen and understand that it was because of his behaviors which were abusive and abrasive. All he could acknowledge was the fact that I wouldn’t kiss him or sleep with him anymore but god forbid he would’ve been able to realize it was his fault.

Married 41 years last week. Separated for 7 of those years. I just couldn't go through with the divorce. I feel too beaten down and tired to "start over." He spent all of our retirement money with his girlfriend, who has now left him for someone else who has money and she views as more successful. So she is MORE narcissistic than my narcissist and I'm too depressed to dig myself out right now. My husband is away for a week, and I have spent most of that time watching these videos. I feel like I at least know what I'm dealing with now.

I told my husband I feel like we're just roommates who fight all the time. It's taken over a decade to open my eyes to everything in my life. Patterns, patterns, patterns, and too much trauma

Yet they blame the other person for the “lack of closeness”.

While everyone around my Dad's life thought his life was good...I witnessed my Dad's starvation by my mother who was a malignant narcissist, for 60 years of his life. The public image appeared perfect, while the private was hell. She withheld all affection from him punishing him by forcing him to live downstairs in the unfinished basement in the very house he built for her. People just don't know the truth behind closed doors. He was a gentle man and a gentleman. She took advantage of his kindness and love for her.

My ex withheld sex and other forms of intimacy all the time stating she didn't feel safe. Yet the reasoning was really because I didn't do what she wanted me to do. Intimacy for me is sexual, but also intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. It was really her way of controlling me. I am so scared to try again...I don't want to be with another narcissist ever again.

"Intimacy has left the room". Spot on! He was so shut down as soon as our Friday night friends left. Dead silence and nasty glares from across the room. I used to say to his friends,' as soon as you leave,he stops talking,laughing,being charming'. They would just not believe me! I have one picture of him glaring at me. Like I needed proof. That was year 1 of our marriage. I was there 22 years! I stayed to fix him,to love him back to health, to understand him...I wanted us to break free of our bad family traumas and live a great life. What I learned was that you can't make anyone live up to their potential... No matter how much good you see in them. I should have been living up to mine. :/

INTIMACY IS ABOUT COMMUNICATION WITH TOTAL HONESTY PERSONALITY DISORDER IS ABOUT MANIPULATION WITH WORDS

These videos help so much. I wasn't a wife, a companion, a friend. I was supply. As painful as that is, it clears the way for me to finally heal.

Now I understand why I became anxious and co-dependent which i never was because he was starving me in intimacy, the more he distance the more I wanted to be closer to him. I was really confused and thought I was the problem. Now I know why! Thanks so much Dr.Ramani.

Always “too busy” is a huge red flag!

Dr Ramani, please know how much we value you. 🙏🏾

I told him a few times I felt like he was starving me. He kept avoiding talking about anything that I felt it was important we discuss. Now I see what the underlying problem was😒 The discomfort was there too, smh. It didn’t feel like he was a strange… more like I was giving pleasure to someone who was regularly giving me pain and carving away the things and people that gave me happiness.

With a covert narcissist, in my last relationship, intimacy (in a superficial sense), was used manipulatively and with power and control- almost like he was "rewarding" me with it. It was disgusting, now that I look back on it... Also, with the grandiose narcissist I dated prior to the covert narcissist, I can see how he very much used sex as a power and control tactic and never as true intimacy- until I was finally able to have boundaries. But, this is when he pulled away alll together. In my experience, narcissists, are often times sexual predators in this sense.

Love bombing, turned into manipulation, wanted me at home to cook and clean, no friends, but he could do what he wanted. No communication, silent treatment, never ask about me and when I ask him to do something it was like pulling teeth. After 7 years of disrespect and neglect why would I want to have sex with him. No intimacy just sex, forget that! I tried and tried to talk to him over and over, also a drinker, don't want me with him.i left I'm done with toxic relationships. Its not up to me to raise him, fix him I need a partner not a project!

For years I knew something was wrong and I blamed myself for my depression. I was so deprived of intimacy and didn't know it.

Wow! She's perfectly describing my ex-wife. I sensed it the first time I kissed her. It was awkward. I thought it was just because we didn't know each other well and she was shy. Later I understood, it was the intimacy and closeness of the moment. At first, sex was normal, mutually satisfying and mutually desired. Later, it was a great point of conflict, only for me. We would have sex, but only the minimum and only under great amounts of control only on her terms. What she wanted to control the most was avoidance of any real intimacy. I would get the sex, coupled with heavy amounts of control, conflict, contempt and criticism. What I would never get is the intimacy, ever. She would blame me. If I were only a better husband, I'd get everything I wanted. I knew that wasn't true. She would admit it at times. In the video, I liked the mixing of avoidant attachment and the narcissism. Those were equally present and causal to all our problems. I also like the desert analogy to intimacy. As the end approached, it was a very lonely and desperate place to be.

OMG THIS IS IT!! Thank you Dr Ramani for making sense of my last 20 years. My poor kids. Now I understand. Today is day 26 since kicking him out and the 3 of us are (hurting) but bonding and communicating and helping each other and I’m seeing sparks of life show in them again. Thank you for helping me cope through understanding. Don’t stop being the amazing person you are. xx

Withholding, starving, blaming, shaming, depriving, denying, dismissing, demeaning, devoid of any and all true connection. What you see is not what you get, bait and switch. The public persona is to benefit others only. Behind closed doors you are devalued, invisible, denied, punished and alienated. Intimacy avoidance is synonymous with a narcissist.

"...but there's nothing inside." The "tenderness" comes out only around his friends. The hand on my back, opening the car door. It's all for show.

As my eyes pool with tears, this video has helped me in ways most people will never understand. I don’t feel so ashamed and alone anymore.

I have such a strong need for emotional intimacy and mutual knowing that our fights were what made me feel connected. That’s often when I felt most connected so sometimes would even feel better after a fight because I felt like we finally got real feelings out there even if it was a word salad.

When we were single, I told him, "I don't want to be alone." After 33 yrs of marriage, he convinced me it was better to be alone than with him.

It's also true that during sex they feel and look "mechanical", not deeply and really involved like a "normal" person should be.It's like having sex with a sex-worker or a robot.

wow. you just hit bullseye with my situation. When a narcissist verbally acosts you for days, weeks, months, years on end then want a warm hug and kiss, excuse me if Im not enthusiastic about it.

This is it. This is spot on. Clarity. About 3 months ago, out of nowhere this light came on in my head heart and soul. I was shocked at the sudden euphony, but realized the shallow, excluded, breadcrumbed, egg shells walking, superficial life I’d been living. I just couldn’t classify or clarify what it was besides ugly. Now I know. I gag if he kisses me. I shutter if he hugs me. He comes home from work, eats goes down to the den and watches tv until 9:00 bed time. I’m invisible. This is intimacy anorexia at its finest.

I’d rather be alone and painfully lonely than in a relationship lacking intimacy and lonely.

Many narcs have had sexual abuse in their past or have had sexual experiences at a very young age. Sex to them only equates to their physical pleasure, having power and control over someone, or being victimized. It's like they feel shameful when they are vulnerable---and to them, intimacy means being vulnerable--and they're not having any part of that! After love bombing you, you will notice that narcs will rarely kiss you, hold your hand, cuddle with you, give you a loving glance, give you a hug, or show any public displays of affection toward you!

As I watch this video: I'm reminded I'm so ashamed at the state of my life, and there's no escape. Pain and grief and loneliness, these things are so intense, they rape my soul. I wish for nothing more than real friends and true love. Will I ever have these?

This was how I found out my ex had a full fledged narcissistic personality disorder. She would tell me no stone cold, or just refuse to respond, and then have me emotionally bleed to death, and then show little to no remorse or empathy. Luckily i realised very soon something was wrong. Now I'm looking more into it, and jup 200% covert narcissistic type. I feel bad for all the people that get sucked into that, but I'm really happy I saw it soon and got out in time. Somewhere I think the remedy for narcissistic people is rooted in confidence. Because if you're confident enough, you don't need people, but you can enjoy their company, so you will bail out of these relationships the moment they start being hurtful and miserable: you never needed them in the first place. I guess people abused by narcissists are looking for validation from a narcissist which is of course a total dead end in the long run.

My relationship with narc explained; now I know why I withdrew from sex entirely, after some time. There was no real intimacy, no real interest in me as a person. And financial control on top of that.v

Yupp, that was it to a tee. I felt some intimacy in the love bombing stage. Then slowly breadcrumbed, starved and ultimately suffocated. Devoid of any human decency after a while. Physical, verbal, financial abuse, disrespect, not following through on any promises, fights out of no where, purposefully starting drama, ghosting, gaslighting, destruction of property. Could not even have an open, honest conversation about SERIOUS issues. Betrayal, rage and violence were in the mix (have a lot of video evidence). Never saw a persons' eyes go completely black before, scary. I swear on everything these people are aliens and/or demons. Had a lot of sex because that is where I felt any closeness but it felt like having sex with someone I didn't even know. I was just trying to have a normal, healthy, loving, intimate relationship. I swore I would never deal with anything close to that. I didn't know about narcissists and thought everyone has inherently good on some level. You do not know what Hell is and true evil until you are in a relationship with a Narcissist. This is flat out Spiritual warfare. If you think that it is something else, you have not been "intimately" involved with a Narcissist and stared into the abyss. Thanks Doctor Ramani for spreading the word about Narcissism. This information should be part of public health. People should not have to experience it the hard way like myself.

Oh man... Oh man... I feel understood for what's happening to me. Absolutely nobody else gets it. Not even other therapists. Dr. Ramani is the only one!

That is how I felt throughout my marriage. Zero intimacy.

When I was in a narcissistic relationship, my grandmother died. I was upset and crying. He decided at that point to start an argument with me. I felt like I was being kicked while I was down. God had alot of grace with me by leading me out that relationship.

Example for you all to understand this ‘ contempt towards intimacy’: I was single for many years and now walking in the city with my partner who I suspected was a Narc. It was a beautiful summer day and I remembered the many times I walked the city alone, but now I was partnered up and wanted to convey this joy and appreciation towards my partner at the time (Narc) . So I stopped walking, turned to him and said, You know Iam so happy to finally have someone special in my life. I am no longer walking alone in beautiful days like this, instead I am here with you 💕💕💕.... Narc Proceeds to look at me and starts an argument and says, “ Well that was your choice. You women choose to stay alone...etc” And I am trying to explain why I was single.. not too many options etc. and then I say, “ why are we arguing? Why can’t you just say awe, I am happy to be with you also. So he says, “ So now you want to shove words in my mouth?” So yeah, they fight intimacy. Everything is an argument. Everything is your fault. Glad I left.

I am waking up to my best friend of 20+ years being a narc. I just realized I am co-dependent. As difficult as this is, knowledge is power. Thank you for this video !

Dr Ramini, wow...I wish I would have found this year's ago. I wish I would have KNOWN to look for it. 16 years in an intimacy deprived marriage. My whole soul was in torture in the end when trying to decide whether to go or stay. He is a pastor. I didn't want to damage everyone that our work touched over the years. But in the end I knew it was my sanity at stake. So much of this rings true of my 16 year sentence. THANK YOU for your work❤

There is no genuine affection or appreciation demonstrated in public or private.

I watched this to understand why my mother never hugged me growing up. Children notice a lack of affection too. I didn't get compliments as a child either. Thank goodness I had good teachers & neighbors. I get it tho...

What a huge service you do for us all. Thank you!

You absolutely nailed it, these relationships. Living with a stranger, never improve, empty. Very good thanks.

my narc would deny sex specifically, deny physical closeness, and then blame it all on me for "approaching him wrong" ..... ok imma go approach literally any other man and they'll LOVE it good luck w your sad life, ex

The years of starvation eventually push us to seek intimacy with ourselves, which is what we, as codependents, were missing all along. 🙏 Once we've found THAT, we're immune to narcs forever!

My husband refuses to talk about what issues he's having. He has kept it from me over six years. I've no issues. He gets very angry when I bring it up. He doesn't have any intimacy now. You're right. The beginning was wonderful.

This is exactly what I experienced. I didn’t know what it was. I thought there was something wrong with me. I didn’t have a name for it and my ex had me believing it was all in my head, that it was my childhood that made me think there was something wrong with the relationship. I have a word for this now. It’s a real thing and it happened to me for 13 years of my relationship. He was so cold and all he did was criticize me. He knew that I would have done and put up with so much for a simple hug. Sometimes he would drop breadcrumbs when there was something he wanted and in that moment he wouldn’t be mean. and if he didn’t get what he wanted he would turn on me and the consistency of his contempt was unbearable and because I grew up never seeing a healthy relationship I thought mine must be what everyone’s was like but it’s not. I didn’t understand why he was so mad at me all the time. It didn’t matter. I would avoid upsetting him and his hostility was unprovoked. He would deny that he was mad even when he would yell at me. I didn’t understand what I had done that was so bad. He would withhold any intimacy that wasn’t sexual. He would pretend like I didn’t exist. That my needs and feelings and opinions were just silly. All of my problems he said stemmed from me not listening to him. He was withholding on purpose to punish me or just keep me starving so it would be easier to get his way. I was so desperate to get any positive attention. I got virtually none. I didn’t understand why. I didn’t understand why he did that or if I was just being sensitive. That it wasn’t abuse just because I wasn’t getting attention. I thought maybe I was being childish or had too high expectations. Your videos helped me understand and validated my reality. Thank you so much for your videos. This is so helpful to me. All your videos are great but this one specifically helped me so much and they are now helping me get through a very scary separation. I got out! 😭 I’m finally out and knowing the patterns is helping me stay out and I am able to protect my kids from growing up believing it’s normal to treat people this way. I would never do this to anyone and that’s how I know it is so cruel what was done to me over time. It has damaged me so much because I didn’t understand why he said that he loved me but treated me like he hated me. but it’s so good to be free. Thank you!!!!!! Can you do videos on tips on co- parenting with a narcissist? How can I limit the damage to my kids. Now that i am not there I can’t intervene when they are with him. How can I give my girls tools to deal with their father? He does this to them. Especially my youngest.

Narcs need to be on guard all the time because they fear exposure of their vulnerability not only to others, but to themselves too. So intimacy is a taboo for them. It makes them really uncomfortable when they are pressured into the commitments in intimacy. When they try to fake it, it can get really awkward. Their ritualistic, contrived performances seem disconnected. And in typical Narc style, the disappointing outcome is always someone else’s fault.

The beginning was an explosion of intimacy and compassion. I was put on a pedestal and felt like a million dollars . But when the high wore off, I was knocked down . I was punished , treated like dirt . Denied sex , compassion and even hit with silent treatment. The only time the narcissist went back to treating me well for a couple of days was only if I gave her money or into her demands . That’s not a relationship but instead a manipulationship. I was hustled by a con artist who never had any intentions of a serious loving relationship. I was there to be used and abused until she upgraded and found something better

I just ended a brief relationship because we weren't connecting on a single level other than sex. We had chemistry in that area, which I errantly presumed would apply to other areas. He worked two jobs, so initially I blamed it on lack of time, and even told myself "be patient, it will grow". He was nice, no signs of abuse, but when I expressed my needs for a deeper connection, at first he said "I don't talk much, but I can listen". When I'd attempt to "talk", I could see and feel the disinterest, zero meaningful feedback, and his quick attempts to maneuver into sex. Talk about a turn-off. He said "I'm just not that guy. I have my own way of dealing with the world, and I know that isn't for you, but it doesn't mean I don't care." If you know nothing, what is it exactly you care about? And you place me in the category of "the world"?? Uh huh. This cow just ran out of milk. Run girl. Run.

I’ve always felt that intimacy was really the ultimate reason to enter into relationship. What in gods name is the point of relationship without the tender attempt toward a true intimacy? I don’t want to be with someone, I want to be close. That is the gold

He would deliberately avoid kissing me hugging me holding me basically anything that he knew that I really wanted he withheld it on purpose but yet he still stayed in the relationship smh

He kept telling me “I don’t need or want sex” going through his phone I found out he had a whole sex addiction. So it was the “with you” that was silent.

Hi Dr. Ramani, This was a very helpful lesson for me. My elderly narc. mother is exactly the hollow drum. She likes to have many activities going on. She uses people and her family to fill her dance card, but that is all that is. She cannot have any one on one with you, and being involved with her is only a one way street. A couple of her so-called girlfriends called me over the years to complain about the very thing. One of the ladies was in going to hospice and told me she did not want my Mother to try to come and see her. They also described a cruise several of them took together with my Mom and said that my Mom was disrespectful to them on the trip and she was so obsessed with her routines that she would wake them all up at 4AM, making noise so she could make her coffee and turn lights on and read a book. It has been monumentally hard for me to want to be near my mom any longer. I am not going to see her any longer over Christmas. I can no longer take the bragging, and this non empathetic, self centered empty shell of a woman. I can no longer do it. Thank you for your videos and your intelligence. I honor you. Respectfully, Eileen

For the last 8 years I’ve been in an on and off relationship with a narcissist. And through all this time there was a limit to how close he allows us to be. Sex was great, liberating and interesting. But when it came to simple things like going on a trip or just spending more time together - he became distant and reacted as if i am proposing to slave him. Meanwhile i found out he was having a relationship with another woman and to her he gave all these small normal stuff that i wanted - holidays, spending time together etc. When I confronted him about it, trying to figure out if he was getting serious with that other woman, he told me that i take things too personally and that he just does whatever makes him feel good without thinking why and how it affects the others. He went on to say that he just doesn’t feel ok being more involved with me than he already is, he called it an “instinct”. But then i keep thinking how he gives all the attention and time that i so desperately desire to the other woman and i feel devastated. And of course he expressed the thought that it is my fault because i pressure hi m too much and want something from him that he is not willing to give.

I wished I new this before we got married and had children. Please believe me when I say it's a very lonely relationship to be in . I'm just try to be there for our kids it's sad

Holy hell she is describing my ex. My head is nearly falling off from nodding yes...

I struggled to define my marital experience with a narcissist until I watched this video Thank you Dr Ramani

Oh wow…You put into words what I had been feeling. I did not feel as if I was in a true relationship and I often felt “used” for sex. (Does this make sense?) I felt alone even though I was in a “committed” relationship. He felt entitled to sex, because we were in a so called committed relationship and he would place guilt on me, because my sex drive was not where his sex drive was. There was zero intimacy and It always felt very cold. The entire relationship was based on sex and if I didn’t always want to have sex with him I was made to feel as if there was something wrong with me. I didn’t want to have sex, because the lack of intimacy made me feel very down, lonely and even sad at times. Thank you for this video and for explaining narcissism in a way that I can understand.

As aweful as it sounds, I felt like an emotionless, used sex worker with my narcissistic ex husband. I thought I must terribly unattractive to him.

My exhusband and I had a lot in common...we were both madly in love with him!

“Withholding and control”… the perfect summary.

No words to say Thank you. I m crying a lot this moment but now onwards my life will change as I know what we're all those incidents....only I was there....my love, trust, emotions.....

This was my ex husband. He would weaponize all intimacy and blame me for him not kissing, holding my hand, cuddling, sex, etc. Leaving him was honestly the best decision I ever made. Now I’m in a loving healthy relationship with a great partner who supports me and understands real intimacy

If you have depression, anxiety or/and bpd or are on a spectrum be even more aware of engaging with narcisisstic relationships, it can become a whole new level of hurt when your self-esteem is shattered that you are struggeling to keep up with your boundaries and getting out of the relationship.

Spot on! Every word. I was never so alone or starving as I was with him. He's long gone now but it helps so much to hear these truths. Thank you so much for sharing!

This is exactly what I experienced. It felt like the longer we were together, the less I knew him, how he really felt, or what he really wanted. I kept waiting for us to grow closer, but it never happened. The future faking (lies) kept me stuck, waiting. Meanwhile, he had his eye open the whole time, always scanning the horizon for someone better.

Once again you've totally hit the nail on the head. NO intimacy at all. He witholds sex as a form of control and manipulation and to prove that he calls the shots! He never sees me, and it's all about him.

Ten things a narc will Never Ask You. How was your day? How are you feeling? Can I help you with anything? Can I carry that for you? Do you need anything from the shops? May I take you out for dinner? Would you like to go to the movies? May I cook for you tonight? May I pour you a drink? Would you like me to fix something for you?

It’s comforting for me and to read others comments and no that I am not alone.

I've gotten to a point to where I couldn't stand for him to touch me after all his cheating lying and malipalation. The love bombing was no longer convincing and I new I was done. When I started getting angry and feeling like I was going crazy is when I finally said to myself something is not right with me and I seeked help and I'm so thankful I got the help I needed 💚💚💚

Im so grateful I found Dr. Ramani, I'm learning as much as I can now. I wish people were taught this at a young age.

Wow 😳 I wish I had this wisdom when I was 22 🥺

so insightful, I had 2 relationships like this, wow, this explains so much, I remember wishing my ex would cheat on me because I started to hate having sex with him. He would say I should be happy that he wasn't cheating, and was still sexually interested in me and I would be thinking I really don't care if you cheat.

I like your definition of intimacy: The ability to maintain close relationships of depth over time. Because holy wow, I always felt like the Narcissistic people I know/knew were really good at establishing a relationship but terrible at the follow through. Like, they wanted the thrill of the chase but didn't know what to do once they caught their prey. Hindsight is always 20/20 with these people. When I reflect, I can see their lack of deep and meaningful relationships. I can see their lack of long-term close relationships. I can see their lack of consistency. What's was terrible for me was being vulnerable and upfront about my need for physical and emotional care and them shutting me out at precisely the time I needed it most.

I once asked my ex “what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?” since it was written in a deck of cards for lovers, some cutesy thing to play with your partner. He looked at me blankly and said he didn’t understand the question. That marked the day when the mask came off. After he asked me to marry him in a huge display on a rooftop in Mexico, I ended up staying for years after and never once learned anything new about him. When I finally caught him cheating on me in our home 2 years later, he said he only asked me to get married because it seemed like the right thing to do and that he doesn’t really understand what commitment means. They are VAPID and HOLLOW.

I wonder why codependents who so badly crave intimacy are attracted to narcissists who cannot give it.

Been binge watching for a few days now. Honestly it doesn't just feel like a desert, this feels like a blackhole, just taking everything and crushing it into nothing. Thanks for all the information.

Nailed it exactly, Dr. Thank you so much! This was exactly the situation i went through and it hurt so much. I wanted that true, open, emotional intimacy and it never happened. I had no idea i was dealing with a CN, or that such a thing even existed. I've learned so much after the fact. You've been a big part of that journey!!