When you meet a healthy person, you will understand why it never worked out with the narcissist.

They don't want your opinion, they want their opinion in your voice 🙄

A therapist once told me that "cussed independence" is a trauma symptom, and I gasped aloud. Some of us deal with constantly not having our needs met from birth by becoming unwilling to ask for help even when we desperately need it, because the lesson we've learned is that asking just opens you up for rage or ridicule or escalation. Or if help is provided, it comes with strings (more like chains) attached. Some folks adapt to this pain by stopping asking. If they can't meet a need on their own, it simply goes unmet, even if not meeting that need causes huge issues in their lives. Some even decide to wear this particular trauma response as a badge of honor. And I think our society reinforces that. I've had folks of my acquaintance say to me, "You're such a strong woman." Yes. Because none of them stepped up even when they saw the abuse. I've been working on learning how to ask for help when I need it, and also how to accept help when it's offered in a healthy way.

Thanks. Raised by a pack of wolves. Now that I am free, learning how to be a human being. It’s embarrassing, but I am making progress.

I grew up in a narc cult family so I really have no idea what health looks like.

All my life I was my sister's handyman (I'm female). Anything that needed fixing, I'd go round to her place and either fix it or suggest who might. After decades of this, I was time pressed so I phone her, knowing she had 2 weeks off of work and the following month she had 3 more weeks off, and I asked her if she would like to come to my new place and help me spackle nail holes in the walls as I prepare to paint. She yelled "Well that's just great! Now I have to spend my whole Christmas vacation helping YOU spackle your walls!!" It was mid November. It would take an hour. I had never asked for her help before and I never asked her again. No contact.

I experienced alot of shaming, backbiting, and or flat out ignored when I expressed opinions, events, needs, etc. It was most common when I was a child. After a loooong while I learned to keep quiet about it all so that no info was jot down and used against me. Ive became somewhat mute and refuse to share among people. Thats how damaging nacrs can be.

Already our lives are complicated enough dealing with day-to-day things that we don't need these people to make it worse.

OMG. I HAVE tried to do everything myself. I've arranged my life to be as self-sufficient and independent as possible. Knew that mindset was a result of a lack of trust in others, but yes--lurking in the background is a fear that I will be ridiculed or criticized or ignored for expressing my needs--for HAVING needs!

Gaslighting! Ugh. The worst. My narcissistic ex left me after 9 years. I was devastated. They then continued to ask me out and not understand why I kept saying no. Even having the nerve to say they were sad because I was rejecting them. They also tried to tell me that the photo of them on Facebook with their new supply, wasn’t real. It was “not what I was actually seeing!” I set clear boundaries and they are constantly trampled on. It’s exhausting. I’m now in a new relationship with a non narc, I often find myself apologizing for things, and he looks at me and asks why I’m apologizing… it sometimes feels like a trick. Narcissists are the worst! Stay strong my friends, you deserve to feel good and loved.

Yes, I had to learn to stop apologizing and over-explaining. One true friend brought this to my attention a few months ago. I was thankful.

My ex-husband told me that I was selfish when I decided to get sober! He said that I was depriving him because he liked it when I drank…! He tried several times to sabotage my sobriety, as well…! I did not know there was such a thing as narcissism until I went back to college after the divorce and what a validating experience!!!!

We had a power outage last summer. It was widespread and none of the traffic lights were working. My neighbor came down and wanted a ride 20 minutes away to get her car that was in a shop. She had no idea if it was ready, or not. I said I'd rather not go today, how about we wait until the power goes back on. I had to say no 3 times. Needless to say, she stomped off, and ignored me for about 4 months. Sooner or later they drop their masks, and you know exactly who you are dealing with. In the past I would have taken her and gone against my gut. Today, thanks to Dr. Ramani, I know how to say no and not feel guilty. It is a beautiful thing. :)

Growing up, and even into early adulthood, if I expressed a need to my mother, she would appear to oblige, but she'd make it clear it was an inconvenience, and she'd often find a way to twist it around so that, in the end, I didn't get what I needed/wanted, but some humiliating version of what she understood. She'd basically manipulate me into regretting I ever asked.

"Expressing a need" to a narcissist is such a newbie move. Because if you express a need...then they will know what you need. And they'll use it against you. It's like telling them when something they did/said hurt you. They won't avoid it, they will do it even more ! We quickly end up playing opposite day : if I need something I say I don't need it, if I want to avoid something I say I want it. We never go straight to the point, always beat around the bush, mislead, digress... Like a bird going to its nest by making detours after detours to try and hide the nest's exact spot from predators. Exhausting, yes. Maddening, too. Thank you, Dr. We often forget what healthy is supposed to look like. At least I know I do.

I have a friend who was experiencing health problems. She was diagnosed with an intolerance for dairy. She and her child are living with her parents due to financial hardship. When she told her narc mother she needed to remove dairy because its making her sick her mother made sure EVERY meal she served had dairy products in it from yhen on.

I have learned over time that it is okay to disagree with the people we love, and it is also okay to express a need or a want, but just like you said, healthy people are flexible. Thank you for this ❤

I grew up with narcissists and was shamed for expressing needs, so I suppressed them. I was so surprised that I can do that in front of others and they respect it, instead of blowing up.

I pray that every single person trapped in a narcissistic relationship finds it’s way out and is kind to themselves towards their healing process because the wounds are deeper than we realize. ❤

A group of women friends were meeting in a friend's house once and the husband of this friend was chatting with us. The hostess came in and casually asked the husband to leave as she wants to spend time with her friends. The husband said "ok" and told his byes and left, no fuss, no tantrums, no end of the world drama. I literally gasped when my friend asked him to leave, expecting the world to fall apart. That is when I realized what a clear difference there is with a healthy person and how a narcissistic person can create terror if his needs are not met, but never reciprocate in the same manner.

I realize now that being unable to express my needs stopped me from having a relationship. It was easier just to be alone then to say that I wanted something or disliked something.

Learning the differences between healthy and unhealthy personalities was really a game-changer for me. We've all heard that saying "it takes all types of people to make up the world" a saying that can mislead you into thinking that you have to deal with or tolerate everyone you come in contact with, and you're not a well-rounded person if you can't. Another game changer was learning that I can simply disengage, that I don't have to try to reason with unhealthy types once I spot them, or convince them to see my point of view, just pull back. However it's still not always that simple, because if these types can't get something out of you in for example a work environment, they might try to sabotage you or get you fired.

If you're still in it... ask your simple, healthy needs/wants to the Narc. Then, secretly record them and listen to it later. The future faking, the gaslighting is so very real.

I recently had a win. A friend was taking me to run my errands (even though I have a car, sometimes I need that help or I won't go) and there was a 3rd stop I needed to make. Before I would have just stayed silent as I had been trained by Narc parent not to have needs. As we were nearing the shop (that was on the way home) a part of me wanted to stay silent, but I forced myself to say, "hey do you mind if we stop here". They did not and I felt so good and proud of myself!!!!!

I was raised to meet other people’s needs. If daring to ask, as I grew older, made to feel needy. Finally have learned to ask or state straightforwardly… working on the not feeling apologetic part. Lost some “friends”. Good to to learn they weren’t! You know… it’s harder for me to recognize narcissistic personality style in people with whom we share a lot of interests. I suppose it is because you agree with them so much. This video is helping me to see the unhealthiness in one of mine, having experienced severe emotional backlash in expressing my need in two extenuating circumstances. Thank you for this, Dr Ramani. Your videos help me see through my own fog, bringing clarity out of shadows ❤

I've bent over backwards so much, I'm exhausted. The hardest part is the rejection of emotional needs. Especially because it takes a long long time to understand what's really going on. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

Before you can express what you want, you need someone who listens actively and cares.

So true about the sullen baby routine. I stood firm about doing what *I* wanted maybe 3 times over DECADES of my covert narc ex-friend getting her way. The fact that she would rather have a pathetic tantrum than let me enjoy it or even enjoy herSELF says so much about the need for CONTROL even in the sneakier narc types. It still occasionally makes me angry when I remember how she sabotaged the ONE thing that was really important to me on a shared vacation by making us late. We still drove there and she didn't get to do the thing she wanted, but she made sure to spoil it for me. F narcs! So glad I see her entitlement clearly now and am FREE!!! 😀❤✈🌎

Thank for helping me understand this terrible family tragedy. At 73 I’m just understanding this

I try my best to not ask for or expect help. I learned with my ex-husband not to be drawn into any discussions the involved him wanting my opinion or feedback on something because I started to feel like I was being asked my thoughts just so that he could tell me how wrong I was and do what he wanted anyway. My standard answer when he wanted to spend money, go somewhere, ask what I wanted to eat even became honey, whatever you wanted is fine with me. I trust you and your decision. I did that because if I told him my real thoughts, he was going to do the opposite, but sometimes when I didn't express an opinion, he would actually manage to do what I wanted. At his point I am pretty much not willing to express or expose much of myself at all because all of my life I have found out from parents, friends, and lovers that anything I say can and will be used against me, and if they actually do something to accommodate me, I will pay for it far and above what it was worth.

I’m 7 years narcissist free

Oh dear, I find myself relating to some of the narcissistic responses in this video, not because I’m a narcissist, but because I’m neurodivergent. I watch this sort of video making mental notes of how I’m supposed to react, and thinking “yikes, this is why I don’t have a lot of friendships”

I had to set a boundary with a friend recently, and he gave me a genuine apology and respected my boundary. So simple, but after 17 years with a narcissistic partner it was mindblowing. Like, that’s how that’s supposed to work?

THIS!! This type of information (“What Healthy XYZ Looks Like”) can do so much for society. 1) Give a roadmap to healthy for people exiting narcissistic relationships, 2) Teach people who grew up in toxic families what healthy looks like so they can attract healthy relationships, avoiding toxic ones, 3) Educate those who grew up in healthy families to more easily recognize toxicity, and avoid it, 4) Educate the general public about narcissistic traits in a compare/contrast format that’s non-threatening, and 12:59 5) Give parents who escaped and are co-parenting with a narcissist (and are legally not allowed to “undermine the children’s relationship with the other parent” by telling the truth) content to our teenagers that will aid them in identifying toxic vs healthy partners, reducing the generational curse that is narcissistic abuse. I’ve listened to you for over three years, now, and I’ve loved everything you’ve ever done. You gave me clarity and got me healthy enough to leave with the kids, and to stay strong and stay out. Thank you. Please, please, pretty please, with a cherry on top, consider doing more of this “What Healthy XYZ Looks Like” content. This educational, compare/contrast approach is non-threatening, reaches a very broad audience, allows for people to introspectively make their own decisions, and “sell themselves” into choosing healthy.

What a good message dr Ramani. Healthy people feel just good to be around and relationships with them feel good as well! Thank you for your wisdom and good heart dr Ramani. ❤

I've always struggled to use my holiday allowance at work. Including to attend hospital appointments (MRI scans for cancer) or my father's funeral.

Timing on this is perfect. I just started dating a gent who is showing so many negative signs . This is a perfect wake up call to maybe walk away from this relationship. I have asked him for a couple of hours for a surprise date and you would think I was trying to pull his toenails out without anesthetic. After having a lifelong history of narcissistic relationships with parents and marriage, I have to learn not to be a victim of this kind of treatment. Thanks for the redirection.

I tried to explain to my therapist that I have narcissistic family members. He didn't get it and told me I just have to express my needs and everything will be fine🤦🏻‍♀️

Brilliant. For some of us, learning what healthy behavior looks like is like learning a new language. These examples are critical. Thank you!

I’m here for the NEW WAY post-abuse !! Let’s Go!! I’ve been asking my one “healthy relationship” girlfriend whose married what does healthy look like in this or that… ❤

Learning how to ask for help is so hard. I have been surprised by my friends who are safe and healthy that give help without judgment. It seems like a miracle. I had to do everything by myself for myself before. It takes special grace for me to accept praise, or help, still suspicious.

Thank you for telling how healthy people communicate. There is so many videos about narcissistic abuse and that is important, but I miss videos like this one, it helps me to think about what I want as opposed to thinking what I do want. This was a breath of fresh air.

I've been catching up on your videos and it occurred to me what the worst part of a narcissist really is. It's that they look, act, and sound very normal. But they are anything but normal. But it's the inclination of ourselves to give them the power of being normal in that we give them credibility that their opinions are valid. We start to give into what they say is true. And then the cannibalism of our spirits begin. I have to constantly remind myself that my daughter is sick, antagonistic, with deep dives into narcissism and sociopathy. But she looks and sounds so confidant that if I don't watch myself, I start to give her too much credit for being human.

Gosh, I needed this video so much. I've always struggled with the gaslighting words of my mother saying that I'm the problem every time there is tension with another person. She has had me thinking that I had unrealistic and unfair expectations of others. Now I know for sure what inside I felt that I have been surrounded by unhealthy people that do not respond well to my expression of any need or preference. It had become my normal, sadly. As a side note... I get frightened every time my narcissistic parent wants to do something for me because it is akin to a Trojan Horse, I just never know what horrible things are lying in wait after I accept what they are offering, no matter how small a thing. I am fearful in asking for help or receiving help now because of the responses I received from family my entire life.

Thank you for all your support, Dr. Ramani! You have really helped my wife, my kids and me. Narcissistic folks have been woven all through our lives, it seems to be an epidemic.

❤ Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You help make this recovery journey not seem so lonely. I feel seen and understood by you and this amazing online community.

My family (of origin) dynamic is narcissistic. If I talked, best case scenario was I got verbally cut off. Worst case scenario was physical abuse. I don’t even mean anything like talking back, either; I’m talking simple conversation, like what you were saying- I couldn’t share a difference of opinion let alone a core belief I had about anything. I could not even complete a sentence. So I grew up being extremely shy and quiet; still am to this day. I was finally over my panic attacks by the time i met my now-husband; til a couple years ago, I got hoovered back into the family dynamic and found myself back in square one. Your videos gave me the bravery I needed all over again to go no-contact, and it been 9 months since I’ve spoken to any of them. However, I’ve been continuously struggling with panic attacks again (which I’ve been doing therapy for). My therapist told me I’m an “extrovert in disguise” because I actually do love people and socializing; I’m just always scared to speak up.

When she describes how good people who care about you respond to a request, I cried

Your videos always have the perfect timing for me. I just wanted to tell you I commented on one of your videos a few weeks ago saying I was getting out. Yesterday I was granted a no contact order and hopefully when I go back to court it will become permanent and he will be out of my life for good. Thanks to my healthy friends and family and you I found my strength to take action! Thanks Dr Ramani! You are a gift!

Thank you so much! Without parental examples of normalcy, we would have little hope! You and your videos are such a godsend! Thank you!

One of the most absolutely venomous forms of gaslighting that I've experienced was if I expressed a need, they would appear to take it to heart, but nothing ever changed (so basically future-faking), but they would ALSO turn around and use it against me. It created a deep, visceral fear that not just expressing my needs, but ANYTHING that was an expression of vulnerability would be used against me, and that's been a real challenge as I move forward and try to build healthy relationships.

Loved the video. We all need a reminder of what healthy looks like after being through narcissistic abuse. I also especially loved the part about how people react to not being able to express their needs. Very useful as always. Thanks Dr.Ramani!

Thank you again, great message. Still working on this one. And still surrounded by systems and folks who give way too much push back when I do express needs and healthy reasonable wants in objectively healthy and considerate ways.

Thanks for covering empowering topics. I want to move forward.

I am out of the narcissistic relationship and finally in a healthy one but sometimes I feel like I am questioning what healthy looks like or i will be surprised when he does things for me or just because it needs to be done and to him its no big deal! I feel like a crazy person because sometimes I want to cry because I am so grateful of all the ways he helps. He just does it. And if I make a mistake or forget to do something its not a federal case. I know hes a good guy and not a narcissist but part of me is so used to the toxic behavior i can hardly believe im in a relationship where it is not present. How do you get used to healthy?

Whenever I have expressed a need, it was always exactly like you said in this video.

The introduction is everything!!!! Between a narcissistic mother and narcissistic spouse, I really have no idea how to express a need. I just do it myself or panic and end up circling as I ask for help because absolutely no one can do everything alone.😢 Thank you so much for these videos🥺

Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani. I agree that needs and their expression are one of the hardest and trickiest things I deal with after growing up in a narcissistic family and a few narcissistic relationships. And by the way, I’m in full support of all the gorgeous colours and patterns you are wearing. That suits you so well.

Thank you, Dr. Ramani! Such an important topic! Growing up, when my dad would shame, gaslight, and invalidate me for expressing needs, I would cry and yell because I just didn't know how else to respond (so I was labeled the 'difficult child')...but in public, I was too afraid to even express needs and emotions. Now that I'm older, I've figured out that staying calm and sticking to the facts can be really helpful if you are in the uncomfortable position of needing help from a narcissistic person. Of course, they'll still try their best to make you feel terrible for asking, but facts are facts, and if you're presenting them clearly & calmly (and patiently), deep down they know they're gonna end up looking pretty foolish if they continue to give you a hard time about it...But yeah, there are definitely some people who shouldn't be asked for help, 'cuz they're just not capable of giving it.

I grew up in a narcissistic household and have some of these same tendencies now so this video is helpful on all fronts. Thanks for bringing to my awareness.

Getting a “yes” from a narcissist is actually scary… because what comes attached? Getting a “yes” from a normal person feels safe. Absolutely agree that a normal person will be honest about what they can do / cannot do, and try to offer alternatives or solutions if they can’t help. Sometimes it helps me to think how I would respond or how a good friend would respond. If someone asks me for something, I try to help and if I can’t help, then I suggest some alternatives.

It should never be a problem to think different then others. Accept to disagree if you cannot find mutual ground.

Instant resistance. Reflexive push back. No. Matter. What.

Me: "Could you slow down please? We nearly got hit. Why are you driving so crazy?" Him: "I DIDN'T WANT TO COME OUT HERE. I ONLY DID IT FOR YOU!!!" 😡😡😡

This has been my biggest challenge… after so many years of cognitive dissonance, I’m still struggling to figure out how to respond. Most times, I just don’t. But the struggle having false information out there, it keeps me a defensive position. I don’t know how to get out of it…

I asked for more “affection” and he said I’m trying to change him because I asked for more, and that’s a classic case of narcissism. This is what he said to me. That me expressing my wants and needs is narcissistic because I’m trying to change him.

Doctor Ramani, thank you for another great video, I really appreciate what you do ❤In my experience, sometimes it's really hard to decide which is better, to express your needs or to keep them to yourself. In my relationship, every time I expressed a need, I was either ignored, called selfish, or there was another option - my need was actually noticed and my partner would make some sacrifices to make me feel like I mattered... and then, at some point in the future, sooner or later, she lashed out at me and said how demanding and self-centred I was and how much she had to sacrifice. After a few years, I learned not to express my needs at all, to keep them to myself, and this is what happened: I was called childish and immature for never saying what I wanted and never expressing any opinions. I was also accused of not treating my narcissistic partner seriously, not sharing anything with her, like adult people should do, etc. So, either way, I ended up being the bad one. I have one more observation. Not expressing your needs can, in the long term, make you forget you have needs at all. Or you might stop recognising them, or you may no longer know what opinions you hold on different subjects. It's like losing touch with yourself. I guess this happens more often in cases of children of narcissistic parents, but it could happen in long-term romantic relationships as well.

I am always burned out. I have to rationalize and beg for help from my immediate family. Its just me and a rambunctious toddler. I can't do it alone, but I really wish I could develop a real network.

I can't thank you enough for this video, Dr. Ramani!! Having grown up in a household where the only interests, hobbies, and opinions that mattered were those of the narc parent, I am still (as an adult with a *mortgage*) taking baby steps in making my voice heard in relationships and life in general. 💖🙏

Thank you Dr Ramani. This is really helpful as growing up any need I had was deemed “selfish” and therefore in adulthood I still find it almost impossible to express a need as I think I am being selfish. I always apologise for anything I ask. At 55 this is such a hard programme to break, even with therapy. And yes, my mum at 85 still shames and throws the “you’re so selfish” or with preferences “you’re so fussy” at me if I don’t do what she or someone else in the family wants me to do

I have gone through hell dealing with this on my own for so long. I'm supposed to be starting school in january to become a trauma therapist. I really hope I'll be able to join the program in january.

Can't thank Dr. Ramani enough. This is just what I wanted to listen. A narcissistic person makes you feel so low and worthless when you need any help. I m dealing with it for years. Every time I try to build up from my pieces, it's so exhausting

Super valuable insight into the world of actually receiving healthy responses to my needs, wants and opinions, because as the saying goes; you don't know what you don't know! So this was a really appreciated insight among "so many" others! Thank you Professor, sincerely!

For nearly ten years I have actively sought to surround myself only with emotionally healthy people. I'm still taken aback when I express a need and I DON'T receive whining or criticism in return. It literally surprises my nervous system every single time, because I involuntarily brace myself to be devalued.

It is just extremely hard to see for me. As a child I was neglected but not abused. So if someone I love tells me I’m needy, codependent, handful, self centered for wanting to hang out with him once a week I totally believe it. If I explain myself and am not heard, because I’m so used to I don’t even realize it. I just apologize and feel like the conversation goes in circles because I’m not explaining well and I’m all that he said.

I'm at the stage right now where I'd rather do everything myself because I'm still quite afraid of most other people. I can reason with myself all day that most other people won't have adverse reactions, but my body hasn't quite gotten that memo yet.

This woman is the finest, most smart and amazing 😍

This is a key example of there being one set of rules for the narcissist and another set for everyone else. It is another way that people are only objects to the narcissist and nothing more.

I only share if it will help others; I've learnt to, it's safer.

We should never have to have fear asking anyone for basic or any needs. Its insane to even think about this.

I am the mother of a covert narcissitic daughter and another daughter who manipulates. I have recently come to see that she controls with "punishment" and I'm not told, I just feel it and when I ask then I get all the things I've done wrong and she makes up stuff that I said or did, things I never even knew about. It's weird. She is a huge controller and now uses the grandkids as a weapon. It's all so sad. Our story is long. The gaslighting is huge. She says I'm gaslighting when I actually can't remember and now I know why I can't remember because I usually didn't do what she is saying. If I did, I admit it. I'm not perfect, but she is!!!! It's exhausting, my mind is worn out from all the verbal abuse, and then the silent treatment. I ask to talk and for her to tell me more about me and I would like to tell her a few things. But no, nothing. Want's me to apologize for the rest of my life and just maybe get back into her good graces, at least for a time until I do or say the wrong thing. It's truly mind blowing. I hate games like this, I'm not a good player and cannot second guess, I keep trying but can't do it. She sure doesn't want to hear about herself thats for sure.

Didn't learn, couldn't learn and shamed for.. that is me! I do everything myself I entirely gave up on having others acknowledge let alone meet, my needs. Thanks Dr Ramani this is invaluable info.

It's funny your brought up the preferences and intolerances as my ex had an issue with gluten and beef so when we moved in together, I said hey let's make it easy and just get gluten free stuff and turkey/chicken. But if there were a few times that I wanted that stuff, few and far between min you, it was like I was asking for way too much. Even when we would have dinner with my parents and I cooked something like steak, I would make sure to cook her a porkchop or something else she wanted instead. It's like you go out of your way to make sure they're are ok and their needs are met but if you wanted reciprocity, you might as well talk to a brick wall.

I love you Ramani! “NO CALL FOR YOU DUDE!” 😂 I watch your videos and listen to your podcasts constantly. I appreciate you so Much! ❤😊

Oof. I'm a survivor of 20+ years of narcissistic abuse. When I would express a need, he would gaslight me and invalidate me. Then manipulate me into thinking what I was asking for was too high of an expectation for him to ever meet. I asked for things like putting an arm around my shoulder, holding my hand, kissing my cheek and wishing me a good day, saying hello when I or he got home, listening about my day, cuddling during a movie. Over time I questioned myself constantly, thinking maybe this was just too much, maybe I'm needy. I'm his eyes, this was all a huge inconvenience that I fought for for years. Same arguments over and over again. He didn't help with the kids. He didn't appreciate me. My needs weren't valid or achievable. I shouldn't be so needy. But I was at rock bottom when it came to being lonely and I was fighting for our marriage. It was infuriating. I couldn't take anymore and finally filed for divorce. It's been a year of escalating behaviors, including threats, invalidating, deception, manipulation, gaslighting, trying to manipulate the kids, having to can the police several times because I was afraid it would escalate to physical abuse. I'm almost to the point where I can move out. However the court won't give me more than 50% custody at this point, which is heartbreaking. The kids don't want to be with him because he has done the same things to them, invalidating and dismissing their needs. He has been very minimally involved and has little to any emotional connection with them. Needs? Ha... they're invalid and an inconvenience to a narc. If you want to feel loved, move on and get out of there.

This video confirmed my speculations about "multiple" Narcs in 12 minutes. I love you, Ramani

Hello Dr Ramani...l live in India... really your channel is so helpful for me.❤

this is exactly what I am working on. when I meet healthy people, it is so pathetically joyful for me. seeing your video today was very validating and validation is a treasure that helps so much. thank you

expressed my needs *once* in narc rel’s. lesson learned. never asked again. you are there to serve them.

Yes. So true.

It only really hit me a few months into therapy for something else that my therapist said i'm really used to being independent and doing everything by myself away from family it hit me my relations might not have been the best. It made me start questioning because for some reason that comment made me incredibly sad.

I think flexible and able to cope is my new gauge of who I will even interact with. 😮 I definitely relate to the independence in me of having been raised by a narcissist. I don't ask unless I really have to, and I don't ask without a specific plan in mind from anyone. It was so hard to get things done as a kid, and as an adult, I can't bear the thought of anyone else's lack of interest in whatever it is I need. My last work situation got to be where I could delegate to one of several people and it was a great situation, but the rare exception to this personal policy. Why am I not still there? Narcissist, of course. 😮

❤"No shaming, no blaming, just solutions"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!👍👍👍👍❤❤

I just love your help to understand messed up human behavior. Its enabled me to find my grounding amongst Narcs, still learning...I just listened to you say something personal about yourself, ( age 57) what I can offer to you, is if your born around 1966, your a Firehorse. ( like me) In Chinese mythology, they try not to have girls born during Firehorse year because of our strength to stand up to abuse, strong will, etc,. When I found out and read about this, years ago, I finally understood more about what I'm dealing with in this lifetime. Eye opening... I highly recommend this reading to you too! Bless you, and thank you for all Your sharing of wisdom. It helped me see and heal, and I'm continually learning new ways from your teachings.

Your dialog examples here are so helpful💕

Hi thanks for all you advice and wisdom 🙏

Can you please do a video on how people can get stuck wondering if their partner is a narcissist or not? The hope that they’re not can be like cement.

My narc ex would say something that would bring me to tears and then they would literally tell me "I can't console you right now". I don't normally get to the point of crying but there were times where I got close to losing it because the comment was so insensitive and was said with such nonchalance. They will upset you on purpose, then leave you there drowning. Sadistic.

This is me!! SMH. The fear of being “needy” to the narcissist. When just NEEDING my BASIC NEEDS met. Definitely stems from childhood. I would rather go without than hear or see a begrudged yes.

Express your needs and watch them frustrate those very needs you’ve mentioned. They are sadists too. Your needs will not be met unless you can point out how that need is not your need but their need. They are self serving people after all! Again, it’s all power, the more your needs are not met, the more powerful and in control they feel oddly.