I believe no truer words were ever spoken. Blessings to you. 🙏🏻

In the same boat. Even thought she’s been talking to another man 4 days after I ended the marriage. Now it’s like pulling teeth. My therapist said this is literally the only thing they have to control now. So just be ready for a long drawn out divorce. Sucks, but atleast I made it out and ended it on my terms.

Same.

@@jorgerios8472 Just ended a 7 year relationship, told her to leave after I found out she had been cheating with several people while building a narrative that I wasnt interested in her or I was the problem and the reason the relationship was failing. She is now slowing down the moving out process, skipping days, etc, and gets extremely angry when I ask her why she isnt moving faster. Its the only thing she has left to use to push my buttons. I understand

It's a hard road. I divorced mine easily. He signed off on everything, including custody and support, and remarried 8 months later. There's been no contact since we escaped him, but the last two years have been full of therapy for my teenagers. Now it's time for me to deprogram from 20 years of this stuff. Best wishes!!

That sounds fair. I'm determined to keep my autonomy, and if they persist, I'm afraid I might punch them in the throat or something. 😂

​@cc1k435 When in doubt with a Narc, I'd say punch first 😝

Oh I'm definitely giving the distance, I'm like yes honey currently they pretend to be asleep when I'm home and i have to be quiet , never get anything done. At least I work independently that is what's saved me, normalcy.

I learned it was better to be kind to myself and distance or go no contact for my well being. Kindness is one of the only things narcissists don't compete with on any level.

Better to be kind and compassionate to yourself. The narc should start fading into the background of indifference. [With time and healing, of course]

I'm so glad for you.

I'm so glad they recognized it! I have felt like I was in a cult with my ex as I got out.

Same with my adoptive mother. I wish ANY of my teachers would have noticed how, "out-of-it" I always was. Now I know it was disassociation.

So proud of you!! Huge win

You were very fortunate.

I like this.

This! And also trying to hurry and get out of the drive thru line so I don’t inconvenience anyone.

Omg, I never connected this! Thank you for posting

Taking your time, but also being cognizant of others is important so you do not start to exhibit selfishness and ignorance just like the narcissist.

Not taking my time, just focused on what I'm doing.

My dad is a malignant narcissist, too, and his quote was very similar: "Everyone out there is just evil inside - rotten. Never trust anyone." I heard that from him and my Mom (grandiose narcissst) since I could walk. In college after my 1st suicide attempt when he was telling me how stupid I was to be so afraid and how pathetic I must have been to do that instead of talk, I told him him how dare he say that now when he would tell us all the time growing up we couldn't trust anybody. Classic Narc response from them both in unision - "We meant everybody except US." I told them they were the 1st people in life I learned could not be trusted. They were both teachers, so I added "Pat on the back for you I guess - You taught even better than you expected to."

Yeah, funny they never say that!😂😂😢

“It’s a big old scary world out there,” whenever I gained the self confidence to venture out and try to accomplish anything, and was foolish enough to tell him my dreams or plans, and “Laugh, and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone,” which was an abandonment/shame trigger put upon me as a toddler.

Narcissists are very paranoid.

Did you get out of the family system? Did your worldview eventually shift, or did you avoid picking it up? How did you go about finding/developing another network? How long did it take, separated from the system, to start to feel better? My own family doesn't care very much, I am having a really difficult time believing that there are people out there who are willing to care for others. I'm not their problem, kind of thing. The relationships I've gotten in eventually also treated me/my feelings like a burden. I have been isolating since a bad situation with an ex. Even long time friends seem intimidating now, I worry they will either judge me or hurt me or both. The way I know to be has gotten me targeted multiple times, so I am nervous to spend time out there with people.

She's right though. A 14 hour seminar is dumb ass. It's designed specifically to drain and wear down the victim so they are too tired and overwhelmed to fight back. I used to be a part of the new (c) age movement but the people were so condescending to those who's beliefs didn't match theirs that I began to realise something was wrong, especially when I met someone who claimed to be spiritual and when they began making homophobic comments and I challenged them, they went ape shit and stalked me online for 2 years. Incidentally, this woman claimed she put demons in mirrors to control them. She also claimed to be a medium and working with a reiki master. I also saw other new age people bad mouthing each other and competing for business and making threats to each other. These people study cult leaders like Osho. Needless to say I want nothing to do with that shit. Please be careful when anyone approaches you and properts to be full of love and light... this is usually a big front and they just want your money, your energy and your attention.

I loved a video where Doctor Ramani said that referred to mediation in the workplace that targets of bullying will be asked to enter into, as "stupid mediation". It's the direct talk that we need to hear. Most of the therapists I speak to don't seem to get this.

@@mharris7380I totally misread this as “meditation” 😂. I couldn’t figure out why a bully would be asked to meditate. Although it would prob help

@mac - just Me too This woman has fire in her belly You just gotta love her & admire her!

​@@jaybanks1947 haha. tbh the way my typing has deteriorated I probably would put that one day. I make loads of typos and don't always spot them all when I go through and correct them.

Then again cults are made by narcissists, make no mistake... it's just that they have spiritual egos, that's the only main difference to other narcs.

​@@anamuraroThank you SOO much for "spiritual ego"!!! 😮 .... Gobsmacked lightbulb!! 😮. ❤

Your statement is very powerful. I wish you peace and comfort.

GOOD FOR YOU!❤ It still doesn't help the smashing of us.😢

Me tooooo! If I gave in to keep the peace then he became even more entitled & more controlling. I pushed back a lot and was therefore labeled “the problem”. I finally left 2 months ago after 33 years of marriage. I feel such freedom & peace and am so excited about creating MY life!

@@jillybeans11.11 Isn't it great? Mine died after 30 years. If I'm anything I'm loyal and part of me loved him. I missed him some at first but now I don't miss him at all. Its been 11 years.

@@jillybeans11.11 Exhausting though eh?😂👍👍❤️

@@jillybeans11.11 you are a rock star! It takes what you have and the staying power to overcome, the world is now your “0yster”!

This is your subconscious mind releasing it Stay safe 💙

34 years with my ex husband. Six years free and I had soooo many nightmares up until very recently. I stayed in an Air BnB with some friends and apparently I was moaning and crying out all night. Don't even remember those ones. However, confusing as hell, mixed in with happy dreams? And sex dreams! WTF? Trauma bonds are the WORST.

My teenagers have night terrors from their narc father.

Ok, this I have to hear, as I've never actually heard/seen a man complain about this, about an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife before. It's almost always the boyfriends/husbands who are the narcs, screwing over their girlfriends/wives. What in the world was this chick like? What did she say/do? Was it something more about her being a narc to her (or your, or both of your) kids? A lot of women do that; it's a power trip for them over the young and helpless. How did it go down with your g/f? I'm asking so I can learn what to keep an eye out for when dealing with my half of the human species. I don't tolerate nonsense coming from women towards others, any more than I tolerate it coming from men toward others. I'm just wondering if it looks/sounds different coming from women when it's in romantic relationships. When I see something, I say something, and I'm not afraid to put anyone in their place when I see/hear BS coming from them. What should I look out for?

@@justrosy5 I can't begin to tell you everything. Just imagine finding out every moment with a person is a lie. From intimate moments, conversations, sex, arguments, going to church together, etc. My ex is a diagnosed Borderline.I'm pretty sure three much more to her diagnosis. But she told me this is what her doctor told her after stint in psych ward. (one of a few) They have all the traits in the cluster b personalty category. Including and not limited to narcissism. In the 90's this information wasn't so easy to research, I initially thought it was another term for Bipolar. So many lies, games, Cheating, gaslighting and much more. The only advice I would be able to give has nothing to do with what sex, age, race of a person. When a person doesn't feel worthy of love, they will sabotage the relationship. The more love you show them they will resent it. Because in their mind they are thinking how could you love me when I don't even love myself. There is a deep shame down on the inside that is hard for them to overcome. I didn't realize I was in a lifetime network/ Tyler Perry movie until it was to late. It's was like waking up from a bad dream. I was just a character in the move she wrote, directed and starred in. I found out there were many more characters before me and during our time together. Thank God I woke up. A certain trauma happened to my ex as a child. I don't think she was able to get over it. I've read that some people stop aging mentally when they experience trauma as a child. And this theory make a lot of since.

i can understand... i also seeking for justice (is difficult)...at least everytime people like us, speak our truth, (in safe way..): we get tiny bit back, our true self...

it's hard. i have trouble with new people too. i miss my tribe. so many people who WERE good and food for me have scattered. many have died. there's no common cause, not really. an accident, a suicide, cancer, overdose, cancer and cancer. i'm really starting to believe that compassion shortens lives. that *&*^^% never would have gotten to me though if I'd had my people (certainly my partner) and I didn't. I don't. how to move forward now is just beyond me.

​@@diadax8189p 0009

Same

Same... came back to my narc partner of 6 yrs on n off and even though she swore to me it would be different...it wasnt..she lied. Broke promises and then played like she didnt... then told me we are on a break because she is trying to be a better person lol but guess what ntn is changing and im just told to leave her alone. Lasnite i told her in her face.. I will leave you alone. I INTEND to stick to that no matter HOW sorry i feel for her. I am just a tenant her.. i need to put all the love and loyalty i gave to her i NEED to give to me. Its hard when u are in the toxicness...try to get out.

STAY OUT if you can!!! Mine was 6 years off and on and I'm 2.5 years out (and REALLY out), and I'm just now realizing that this deep, unattached anxiety I still feel on a daily basis is related to that relationship. And I'd never been in a bad relationship prior (and never had anxiety before that either!)--that's how powerful the narcissistic relationship is. The sooner you get out, the sooner you can start your healing. You're going to have to do it one way or another--might as well start the rest of your life NOW--I promise you, if it's a true narc, it's never, EVER going to work. They are hollow entities. Tons of love and best of luck!

I feel so much of this! I was always indecisive never could think clearly or chose what i wanted and thats still a big learning curve for me. Sending you love on your healing journey ☺️✌🏼❤️

After growing up with an emotionally abusive father and spent 38 years married to an abuser, I had no idea who I was. Right now I'm struggling, but it’s finally time for me to life my life for me instead of being everybody's scapegoat.

❤

Same here 🌸

I was in that situation You have to become your own advocate.get a therapist you can talk to.Blessings for healing.

🙏

Find something that you believe in and grab hold of it with both hands; a hobby, etc. You have to find the basis of you. I'm just about doing that Good luck, I know you can do it!❤❤

Thank you. I’m bedbound now with a brain fluid leak so my only hobby is trying to find help! Trying to survive. I am trying different meds praying I can get help.

🌻

Thank you for sharing. I dealt with financial abuse and narcissistic bullying, especially when I attempted to save money and leave. I feel you and I know it feels like a bottomless pit. Quietly save your money, don’t react, and keep reminding yourself that YOU are your own ground.” I often say it to myself when I feel uneasy - “Don’t react, you are your own ground.” Say it with me now!

#2 - Not reacting is the only way to protect your physical health and mental well-being.

Also told us regularly that "The world will end in a few months!" but that never happened, obviously...

Awwww💕💓 that makes me sad…Know you are so loved and go enjoy friends and life now

I hope you went no-contact & don't have to be around whenever his liver falls out of his @**.

My dad did the same thing except we had the public school experience. My stepmother wouldn't have had the time, education or desire to homeschool all 6 of us, the less time we were under their feet the better.

@margolane3361 Omg so sorry 😢

Yep it's important not to let your guard down just because someone has a fancy degree,even if they're in the mental health field.

​@@malwads1836That is so true!

​@@malwads1836you are correct. We need to remember that they are people just like us. And just because they have a degree doesn't mean they're not capable of bad advice or information! It's always important to feel that connection that they're there to actually help you!

Oof, that's freaky how someone like that can reach such a position of power.

HOLY SHIT

It's a gambling addiction based on partial reinforcement with unpredictable rewards which include the lack of punishment. It's the strongest conditioning system

Gambling addictions being based on being found acceptable, by a Higher Power. Just World Fallacy in action

​@@TheKrispyfortHi! Would you be so kind to delve a little deeper and elaborate on this subject as I want to understand more as I have a hard time comprehending. I have a tendency to love gambling and have, at times unresponsibly, now though, that has been replaced for me with couponing and agate hunting.

@susanparker9877, Those "Moonies" were really creepy. I had a slight brush up against one one day when I was about 25. Everyone told me I still looked like a teenager, since I still had baby fat in my facial structure. A young woman approached me with a big smile and asked if I had a minute to talk. She had pamphlets and asked if we could sit down somewhere. I kind of suspected she was a Moonie, and I knew ahead of time, like you did, that she'd be unlikely to persuade me into any cult, but I was curious. We sat on some benches nearby, and had an ice cream cone together. She wasn't pushy, but wanted to share the "good news" of all the wonderful things she was learning, and I could learn these things too! I ignored all of that and started to ask her about her life before she started learning. She was willing to talk about very personal things, some of which were sad and upsetting. Soon she was on the verge of tears. It was as though no one had ever listened or acted like they cared about her. Finally, I said, "This group you're in - they're Moonies, aren't they? She didn't want to admit it, but finally did. I said, "You don't need them, be careful, and all the reasons why she was traveling a dark path. To my surprise, she was quiet and listening. Before we parted, she suddenly hugged me, and then disappeared in a bunch of people walking by.

@@notagain779 I suspsect that you touched her deeply. Hoping that it made a positive change for her. That was pretty special what you did.👩‍🎨🐕🐕

@@susanparker9877, Oh, gee, thank you, but I was just curious to know what attracts people to things like cults, so I was willing to hear her story. I hope she was able to trust her own judgment in time. I love what the good witch Glinda says to Dorothy at the end of the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy asks her "Why didn't you tell me that I always had the power within myself to get back home to Kansas?" And Glinda says, "Because you wouldn't have believed me. You had to find it out for yourself." I interpreted "the power within herself" to mean our inherent autonomy, or guiding North Star. I believe everyone has this, but sometimes forgets they do. I didn't take getting back to Kansas literally, but rather, getting back to herself, and the other characters also finding what they felt they lacked. Courage for the lion, a heart for Tin Man, and a brain for scarecrow!

@@notagain779 Well said.

Beautiful I’m happy for you

It makes perfect sense to me now after listening to this video the lack of sleep while he slept Two small children & a teenager who was so rebellious, trying unsuccessfully to prevent them colliding which was impossible Trying to read self help books to hold onto some semblance of sanity The never ending cooking presented fresh (Food never allowed into microwave) When I was put on meds for depression if I asked him anything he would respond "Did you not take your tablet today) which I felt great shame as I didn't understand why I developed depression & saying no one would want to bother with me now after my mastectomy They are cult like & I am working very hard to heal my fragmented heart & mind Therapy is helping enormously and good friends that I can trust & DrRamini who has taught me so much & being a part of this community helps a great deal

@@maevebutler4641 stay strong

Me too. What cult did u get out of?

Your words speak to me. I think we are going through similar paths. I understand everything you’re saying in a way that most wouldn’t. I appreciate your vulnerability and I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through and experienced in this strange place we call “life”.

@@trishyoung1021Thank you for your kind words. i am only just noticing your comments now. Reading my own feels like a time machine helping me glance into my last. It is surreal and i have come done so much deconstructing and reconstructing for my own psyche to survive this. How are you coping?

Brave soul wish you well in the trial ❤️

@@megankingston7698 thank you so much!

Hope things worked to a satisfactory result for you.

@@B.I.-EIO_macdonald9786 thank you, so far so good. The peace I have at home now is priceless.

Oh that’s ghastly, I’m so sorry you had to hear that. I wish all good things for you from now on.

@@AlexLouiseWest Thank you, that is very sweet💗

Classic sign of grandiosity.

@catkins379 Wishing you well on your journey! I remember the early months of no contact - so much grief and confusion felt in the trauma bond but the tears felt so valid! You were in the relationship a long time- it may be feel hard for a while but these videos of Dr Ramanis have been so helpful for me. Time passes and we slowly evolve finding ourselves again - sending you care and peace as life brings you good things…

It's truly like withdrawal from drugs, it hurts so much. Even when you logically know you're better off, the damage is done. It's almost physically painful. 🫂🫂

Same

2015 was the year I went back. 3 1/2 mos out of the relationship and I still have so much anxiety when I go to a store. I'm petrified of running into him with his new supply

Where are the notes?

Brilliant!!.. Brilliantly put!!! .... Thank you so much. Heaven help us both. ❤

Me too! Families like ours are sick, cruel and basically a demented cult! ❤ lol

Write it! It's a great title.

@@soniahathaway1 It really is pretty bad. So nice to have people who get it yet I hate that anyone has to be a survivor of this. 💌 lol @ a cult 😅

@@Naomi-vs1tl Thank you. Seriously considering it. Wish me luck 🙏🏻 🤞🏼💌 I'm sorry you've lived through this but grateful you are still standing.

@@shayleeledevre6401 I wish you all the luck in the world! I hope it will be successful and help many people.

I am really sorry you went through all of this!!! I know spiritual narcissists and what they do is horrible. I had a narcissitic friend who was also a spiritual teacher and he could know what I was feeling when I was for exemple home alone. He would shame me for the anger I had felt towards him while we were not even together. He just knew my feelings and throughts because he was a medium. And so he was manipulating me ALL the time, being inside my mind. I still am afraid sometimes he can still do it. I try to block him with the love I have for myself. But you are right I can't imagine what you went through, so I just hope you will be okay

Thank you friend! I've been taking medicine to depression and I'm getting better. I also study about religion psicology to undertand what I lived. Now I'm agnostic and stoped thinking about the spiritual life. I'm better about the relationship with this girl either cause after some years watching Doctor Ramani videos, I could realize that the relationship wasn't good to me. About the coult I've been part of, I'm still gonna talk about it with a Psicologist. I don't believe in mediunity anymore. I hope you can get free of evertything that makes you fell bad fren! Greetings from Brasil!@@mct5314​

there are so many bad mental health care workers

It takes time to shop around for the one who's right for you. They are out there.

Over time, it will go away.

@@1Gibson I hope.!

It really does… we are changed from these relationships…but the anxiety dissipates eventually.

I had that same anxiety when I was living with the disordered person in my life.

@@melisentiapheiffer3034 I got to know after breakup that my person has NPD and it is just hard to forget the disrespect, how they devalued and put me in self doubt.

Just to comment on my own comment, lolz, the way I started deprogramming was to stop sugarcoating what was going own. I stopped being quiet about my grief and told my friends. Then, once I'd told my friends, they encouraged me to get counselling. With counselling and support from good friends, I have the awareness and support I need to keep going and distance myself from the cult of me and my ex-partner.

And extreme self-care.

Yea and I kept saying bec.my husband was 32 when he married me ,he had established a strong sense of selfishness, and this is why I suffered under him. Not saying you are selfish. But in my case it made him to strong for me

@@swissherbgirl2917 Well I was a hard charging fighter before I met my husband so I gave him a good run for his money. I couldn't have lasted as long as I did had I not been such a fighter. He "knocked me down" a little but I kept fighting back or going on road trips untill he died. Karma. (If he had ever been physical that would have been a deal breaker but he wasn't.) I understand what you are saying though. Hope you are better now.

Good stuff. I had a narky family of origin. My first Narky Ex was bad, but once I figured out it was the same script as my Narky family, then I turned to "No Quarter Asked, and None Given." He still doesn't know what hit him.@@jokendrick2124

I couldn't care less if Narky Nark Nark can get rehabilitated or "recover." They don't deserve to "recover" and they don't deserve to persist. They will and do replicate their Narky selves and they preserve and extend the narky systems that run our country and our culture.. They don't deserve to have any sympathy for their Narky selves. Especially not self-sympathy.

A narc is unable to put themselves in another person's shoes. It's their lacking of empathy in their personality traits.

Calm down 😂

@@John-qi9cj don’t laugh at your own “jokes,” it’s a superfluous sign of stupidity.

She is very compassionate, which some experts lack on KZfaq.