I just lost my virginity at 29. It wasn’t due to vaginismus or any other health condition. And, although it was special in various ways, it wasn’t the highlight of my life. Please don’t ever feel embarrassed to be a virgin, regardless of the reason. You have the power to value yourself.

When she had to tell him to stop three times, my heart rate went UP.

I don’t normally comment on videos but I had to after reading the garbage left so far. Thank you for this short film. Vaginismus has been isolating and it wasn’t until I found the support group that I felt heard and validated. Here’s to finally accepting yourself, getting help, and finding your person Shelby! (Also woohoo to achieving PIV!)

I’m crying because this has literally been my entire life... and everyday I live with this fear that I’ll never ever find anybody to love me because of it. And it never helped that of all of my friends I’ve never been in a relationship. I can never join in on any of the sex chats. No matter how hard I tried when it came to sex it only lead to embarrassment and disappointment. People have always been so baffled by my disinterest in sex and I never found the proper way to explain it. So I am so grateful for this video... and I pray one day I’ll find a way to get over this

That’s why you fall in love with someone who doesn’t want u for your body but for your heart. My bf and I didn’t have sex till six months into our relationship.

Had a best friend who had this condition. High school was so rough for her not being able to keep a boyfriend. I was always there for her and ended up falling in love and marrying her. That first year was so mentally and physically draining we both almost gave up too many times to count going through the physical therapy . Six years later, after all the struggles and depression, let’s just say the springs in our bed and couches get plenty of use 😉

This video is so important for young girls and women in general to see.Thank you Shelby for being so brave and strong and for sharing your story to raise awareness.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now and he’s been so supportive with my vaginismus journey! He’s actually the one who found out about this condition :-) I’m doing dilator therapy now and he’s so proud of every single step ❤️ There are patient and supportive people out there that will be there for you

I love this. I never thought about how that one body part could have so much influence over your entire life and your sense of self.

This brought tears to my eyes. I am 18. I've had vaginismus since I started my period at 12. My gyno said I will have to have surgery to manually break my hymen and physical therapy to relieve the vaginismus. It's terrifying to think that I have to go through all that before I can have sex. I just hope, when the time comes, I can find someone who is patient and loving about it.

I'm guessing that the treatment for this is not covered by most health plans but erection drugs are. Thank you for sharing your story.

I suffer from vulvo dynia, another condition which makes insertion painful and non-achievable. I notice a lot of responses saying, "What's the big deal?" or "sex isn't everything in a relationship" "you can do other things besides penetration." These comments are very easy to make when you do not suffer from something like this. I WANT to have sex. I WANT penetration. I WANT to use something other than pads. Sex DOES matter to us. It's one of our most natural urges, and to have that taken away from you leaves you feeling broken. Not to mention getting pelvic exams. There's a possibility that you can't treat these conditions, and may never be pain-free. So please, have empathy. It's an awful experience to have. Thank you for sharing your story Shelby. It gives me hope that one day I might reach my goals as you have.

i’m 18 and have vulvodynia (chronic pain). i cry about it so often and can’t talk to anyone about it. sorry to anyone else who has it, you’re not alone 💗

She deserves so much love

Thank you so much for making this. I cried watching it. I've had such a hard time trying to explain what I've been through to people. Now I just send them this video and they get it. I'm about to try physical therapy myself, and seeing this video gives me hope!

"Thats hilarious." Someone hold my earrings! I am going to jump through this screen and fight that man!

This is AMAZING!! thank you so much for sharing this story, as one of the physiotherapists treating vaginismus, I soooo appreciate yoy getting the knowledge out there! There is help, there is hope xx

This was brilliantly done. Wow!

I have a friend with this named "D" I had tried to help her the best I could but in the 1990s there was't much info out there. I thought "D" had low estrogen because her identical twin sister "B"was the opposite (tho "B" did wait til she got married at 30yrs old to first have sex.) All 3 of us are in the medical field too. "D" married a very patient man and it took her a year & a half to consummate the marriage. They hardly had sex because she also generally had no interest in it. After 15 yrs of marriage it was a miracle she got pregnant. Her words not mine. Then we were pregnant together on our 2nd children. I never knew a physical therapist could help vaginal muscles. I have had many but stayed with the same one for 2 1/2yrs. I was paralyzed in a tornado as I laid on top of my young boys. Anywho- my therapist is awesome and when I'm in too much pain to do exercises she will give me the best back massage. I wish you all the best on your life journey ❤️ By the way- any girl who waits to have sex is a very strong girl to me. They should be looked up to & not ridiculed.

This is so deep

I don't even know where to begin with this: it is SO beautifully done and resonates deeply, even as someone without vaginismus but with a whole lot of other body stuff. THANK YOU for sharing this. I emailed it to my pelvic floor PT and a bunch of friends. That feeling of engaging muscles you aren't connected to? The shame about not being able to participate in "normal" activities? WHEW. I feel that so so deeply. As a fun side effect, thank you for affirming the necessity of my work in this world to help women find freedom in pleasure whether or not penetrative sex is an option for them. SO MUCH LOVE to you. Thank you for creating this and sharing your story and your heart.

I had a friend with a very similar problem. Not sure if it was as severe as this but she couldn't do anything with her boyfriend because of it. It took months of intimacy and working together before they where ever able to "have sex". Don't get too discouraged if this is happening to you, and make sure your partner is willing to help and loving!

Thank you this video. I can relate to this on so many levels, although I don't know if I too suffer from the condition, but I feels like I do. And this video gave me some hope.

this hurt so much to watch :( poor girl

This video is really important. I cry so much when I watched it at Annecy. THANK YOU.

Settling for ''sex isn't everything'' is not the solution.. sure it's true, there are other great things in life other than sex...but vaginismus does not only affect sex life. It affects much more, and also.. Living a life where you might want to have sex/have children but you can't because of excruciating pain? ''Sex isn't everything'' honestly doesn't do it. Thank you for this video...I have chills, it feels like you're in my head. It feels great not to be alone. Thank you.

The animation is so good.

OH MY GOD I FEEL THIS SO HARD IM LITERALLY CRYING. This video honestly has helped me so much. To see that you are older than me but have managed to live through this. It’s truly inspiring. I will now be turning to this video when ever I’m having one of my bad days. Thank you so so much. I’ve never heard anybody with such a similar story as me. I’m so happy to see that I’m not the only one. I cannot thank you enough. So I’m 16 and I have what the doctors say is pelvic floor dysfunction. I have all of these symptoms and oh my god they’re the actual worst. I have these symptoms but I’m also unable to urinate. I can’t go pee more than twice a day. I will sit on the toilet after five bottles of water and it just won’t happen. Due to this, I basically live with a constant severe UTI since the urine is always sitting in my bladder with no place to go. I also had a boyfriend for three years who had multiple experiences with sex before me. I never felt good enough for him. He said it was fine but after a while he finally gave up on me after trying multiple times to actually have sex with me. We broke up because he wasn’t satisfied in our relationship. This has obviously fucked me up. I go to physical therapy now on a weekly basis. I have 4 more weeks until my doctors are taking me out of the therapy due to the lack of results. We’re going to try instills with medication that’s meant to relax my muscles. If that doesn’t work either, I will need to live with a catheter. A 16 year old girl with a bag of her own piss constantly around my thigh. Lovely.

this is so heartbreaking. No woman deserves to go through this. I’ve never used a tampon and never tried to. I’m too scared. This is my biggest fear, because I’m so scared i won’t be able to have children. I’m too scared to face the truth. Any advice? :/

Thank you for making this film. It's inspiring!

I can kind of relate to that feeling, fearing that people won't love you or want to be with you because you don't have or can't do something that others can. I have something called alopecia, I'm about 19 years old and that is a conditon where my hair sheads in large chunks for no reason. As a young girl I identify myself by my hair. And to have to worry about balding, I feel embarrassed at times like a freak. I've been dealing with that autoimmune disease since I was about the 6th grade going though cycles of it growing back and hoping things will get better, then losing it again. It killed my confidence and sometimes I really do worry who want to be with someone young and constantly balding. I feel at times vulnerable and ugly, and even guilty for feeling bad for myself. Because what I have does it make me sick physically, it only hurts me mentally. I know mine isn't as serious as yours, but I can really relate to that feeling of worrying you won't find anyone who will love you. Right now there isn't much I can do about what I have, besides to accept that I have it and learn to love myself even if I don't think many will.

Great video! Another option is the botox treatment at Maze Women's Health. A close friend suffered for years before going there and she can't say enough about the experience. They also deal with the emotional issues and the fear which she felt was so important to her healing process. Bringing awareness to this is so important!!

*No one wants to be a virgin in their twenties* I beg to differ....

Even though I understand why she had to make the choices she did, and I’m glad she’s recovering from it... I didn’t start using tampons till I was well into my 20s I never wear thongs and are more comfortable in “boy shorts” I was a virgin till my husband at age 27 Don’t be afraid to be comfortable whatever that means! You don’t have to conform because everyone says you have to. When it comes to periods though, as women we should always be prepared and DONT let it run your life if you have the choice. Just keep a pad, liner, tampon whatever in your bag always. I really hope this video helps someone with this though.

This is such a well produced video. More people need to be educated about this. Thank you sharing. :)

Why do you say women with vaginismus cannot have sex? What about oral sex and touching each other different ways? Doesn't it count? Isn't it sex? Surely it is. (Vaginismus is my problem too. I personally don't have problem with finding a partner and being in long relationship. We're just having non-penetrating sex.)

Similar problem can happen for men. I cannot retract my foreskin because it is extremely sensitive and painful and that is why I am virgin at 38 and perhaps I will have to die virgin too. Please never make fun of people. You don’t know their stories.

very creatively made! loved it. More power to you!

It's strange that we can't talk about problems like this. I don't have this dissorder, but I am prone to pain during intimacy sometimes and during my menstrual cycle. I had pelvic adhesions on both sides connecting my colon to my ovaries. It was thick, fibrosis tissue, and they removed it (as much as they could safely) via laparoscopic surgery. It's much better, but I still get pain from time to time and my periods are still quite painful. Nothing like the crippling pain that used to make me vomit and not be able to move for hours, but pain nevertheless. And when it hurts, your body naturally tries to push back and close off to stop said pain. Thankfully, my fiance understands this and is gentle and always listens to me if I need him to stop. Unfortunately, a lot is still unknown about the female body for most and it can feel extremely embarrassing to be different in such a way (though with my other medical conditions, I wasn't really "normal", whatever that is, to begin with). I'm thankful that this story was shared and hope that one day having a medical condition won't be seen as taboo to talk about. I hope you find what you're looking for, or at least find peace within yourself to just be.

Thank you for sharing this ❤️

So glad I watched this. So well done and heartbreaking but I knew there'd be a happy ending

I'm crying now 😭😭❤

Thank you for making this.

you don't need to have sex to be in a romantic, loving relationship even in your late 20's or 30's or whatever. you don't need to follow this status quo society dictates you should. you just need to take your time with dating and finding someone who is compatible with you. someone who loves you for you. not being able to have sex or, in some cases, not wanting to have sex doesn't take away from the amazing person you are and what you can offer. the right person will see that. edit: ya'll acting like it's easy to change/grow. it's not. work on yourself and work on your happiness. then share that with someone who matters. if you don't put in the hard work to change yourself then you won't get anywhere on a personal level.

My boyfriend and I haven't had sex yet which is terrible because i do very much want him. But it's just like you said. Every time anything touches that party of my body or i think about it.. I tighten up completely.. And i have cried about it so many times because i love him and we have been a couple for several years and i don't know what to do.. Because he is so patient with me but I can't do it.. And idk I feel so lost.

Whaou. I can relate so much to the tampon and doctors episodes. I was not diagnosed with vaginism but with dyspareunia which is the term for chronic pain during sex for men and women. [Dyspareunia is a symptom of vaginism.] In my case, it means that I can put a tampon or be penetrated but it is painful as hell. I cannot put a tampon more than 5 minutes (and it was really difficult). Each and every time I had sex for almost 3 years I have had the impression I was experiencing my first time again and again and again.... Two fingers are too much. You can imagine that my libido decreased. I also questioned myself if I had been abused or raped and if I held it back. (Thankfully the answer is no but still I am wary towards men. I need to find out why and resolve this issue). Why can I not have sex normally as my friends do? What's wrong with me? Am I crazy? There is a huge psychological impact that doctors cannot guess and a certain anxiety for not always being the perfect girlfriend. My boyfriend is very kind and patient but I have a pressure and an impression that I cannot give what I want to give him. It has built tension and frustration in our relationship which I am sure would have never been there if our sex life were ok. The worst episodes were when I visited diverse gynecologists (4 exactly) for this specific problem. They, of course, wanted to check if I had any medical problems down there so I had to face THE Speculum (google it). First, it was scary and secondly : Holy Cow! How can they insert a bigger thing than a penis? Plus, I'm not even excited! That will hurt. Yes, it was painful, more than usual. Doctors were gentle and understanding but they didn't find anything. Neither, at the normal and vagina ultrasound scans or by cervical/pap smears/tests. At the last appointment with my gynecologist, she told me I had to get a MRI to check if I have endometriosis and to see a sexologist which I will do. I hope it is only a psychological problem... Then, I thought that perhaps I don't control my muscles like the perineum correctly. So I found on the internet that while peeing you can train your muscles. For several weeks now I've been tensing/flexing and then relaxing my perineum when I pee. It basically consists of peeing jerkily: you pee, you hold it, you pee, you hold it and so on... Yeah, I know it is not a nice picture 😕 My result is that during the last intercourse with my boyfriend it hurt but a little bit less than before. There is hope 😁 I also have to break this mental vicious circle that intercourse is inevitably painful and I will also see a sexologist because I want to enjoy sex wholeheartedly. Another gynecologist advised me vaginal dilator set that some companies sell on the net. One of his patient complained for many years of painful sex and it was in her forties that she found what worked for her. I've read that it seems to be very useful against dyspaneunia, vaginism, vaginal stenosis after radiation therapy and post-surgeries like for transgender people for instance. Nonetheless, I havn't tested yet. MORE IMPORTANTLY, I've also read many testimonies of women that vaginism CAN be cured. Finally, I will advise my fellow dyspaneuria/vaginism women to see your doctor as soon as you can. Waiting is a waste of time. See your doctor because sometimes pain is due to a merely infection or illness that can be cured with a pill. You have to dismiss physical explanation first. Don't stay with your sufferings talk to a professional your GP, your gynecologist and/or an sexologist. Good luck❤ I tried my best explaining as clearly as possible I'm not a native English speaker.

I know 1 thing and that is that never give up I know there is someone out there just waiting for you and I found the love of my life and you can to! Don’t stop keep going I know it’s hard but don’t give up… it really pays off

I can relate so much. This made me cry

This is made very beautifully ♥

This made me cry. Full stop.

Thank you for this I have endometriosis and can't have sex because of pain as well and I feel so isolated and this helped a lot

Absolutely amazing film! Thank you for shedding light on a subject that is so taboo in society! You are wonderful! 💕

I so get this, did not know it was an actual thing but I know how she feels

I don’t have that illness but I’ve been sick many times since birth and the doctors deemed me to weak to have children so I can’t have that stuff. It takes me longer than normal to get out of hospital when I am sick so it’s a struggle to live a normal life especially with a brain surgery and high anxiety and asthma. The last time I was in hospital was 2014 when I found out that I had anxiety now it’s 2019 I haven’t been to the hospital yet for anything but I’m really depressed since my brain surgery in 2013.

Sex isn't everything tho like in ur 20s u can achieve more than having sex just to quit being a virgin but ok best of luck. Good to know ure doing well.

loved thisss!

This has also happened yo me... I had my periods 1st when I was in 10th grade

This was amazing!

Thank you so much for this. I have something very similar to this. I have Pelvic Floor Dysfunction but my version of it is essentially the same except it affects my bladder as well. I have these symptoms but I also experience muscles spasms (imagine a foot cramp but in your bladder or vagina), and I’m also unable to urinate when necessary due to how tight my muscles are. I pee like 1-2 times a day. My doctor has discussed giving me a catheter but no 17 year old wants a bag of piss on them at all times. Not great. Because of how little I pee, all the acids just kinda sit in my bladder all day, which means I’m basically living with a constant urinary track infection. If you’ve ever had one of those, you know how much they suck ass

This is what I go through as well💔

I love this movie.

If you have periods you can also use sanitary pads it is better than tampon andb mesuntral cups

I watched that three years ago hoping something would change. But I am still single and virgin, never had a boyfriend and probably never will

I just learned something new

DONT PUT THE CANDLE TO UR VAGAYGAY!

This is so sad 😞

So as a guy I got rejected as well for not having sleeped with a girl before, I got realy picky in who I let in my life and who not, I think this is the only positive thing.

I'm struggling putting in a tampon, any tips

Shelby, how are gynecologist visits now? I think the pap smear is my biggest hurdle and they're so important.

I feel bad for the Girl 🙁🙁🙁

Thank you for this

sex doesn't make a relationship.... ...

I've been struggling with this my whole life and it's identical to what I've been through. This video really got to me.

I seriously thought this is an exclusively a middle eastern problem!! where a weeding night is usually the first time they would have a privacy!! never thought people in the west with all dating culture going on, still subjected to this!!!

Omg this is the exact same thing I am going through i am 16 and I still don't know how the tampon is going to enter

Crying 😭

who have lost please do not be sad you have many ways to enjoy life

Not sure why this was in my recommended feed...

I wish she was real so bad. I have nobody do relate to. Ive been paralyzed for 3 years and cant ever have sex again i really need somebody to reach out. I kno relationships are far fetched for me but i just NEED someone to care

I know how you feel i have the same thing

What a blast with this content

Hi I’m 15 and I think I have vaginismus because a tampong never fits and there was that one time I told a friend that it hurts to put it in and she said that it went in easy so I thought I wasn’t normal so I tried putting in my finger and that hurted to but I was only 12 so I forgot about it but then I found out about vaginismus but I’m scared to tell my mom. I don’t know what to do

thank you just thank you

I am so sorry for you

Good luck for the future^^

awww. thats so sad

Amazing 😍

GO SHELBY!

Fantastic.

impactful

Perfect.

Never knew a girl's body is this complex🤯🤯🤯🥴🥴🥴

Superb.

I am so sorry for you very much

I'm Virgin , My religion doesn't allow me to have sex until marriage , I'm glad , plus I can't understand the guy who said that it was hilarious and u being ashamed of urself because of that

Oh my God though. When she said "they told me to" when the doctors were talking to her, an ad came on and it was so funny

I thought she wouldn't make it through..but she did!! And I'm really happy for her

i still don't know why i watched this since i'm a boy.

Very nice….

8:17 is nice I like cats