bit.ly/theovonclips

Theo is basically a fully sentient toddler

Joe definitely got a plan but he ain't sharing it publicly.

Theo trying to defend himself in a mall with 500+ entrances would be entertaining😂

Theo's zombie apocalypse plan is basically the Christmas dance scene in Home Alone

Theo Von is an American treasure. You can listen to the man for years and be surprised by shit he says every single time.

“Jocko’s like, ‘I’m not even waking up tomorrow’” 😂

Joe: “but the dumbest people are at the mall, they’re gonna f*ck it up for you.” Theo: “they gotta go…” 😂😂😂

An apocalypse movie or series starring Theo at the mall would be a beautiful thing. Theo Von's apocalypse days.

Theo would be at a FUCKING Dennys... let's be real here! 😆

"Minimum wage thinkers" has me rolling.

Theo is the only one that talks to Joe like this 😆 it's awesome.

This was such a good question especially for Joe, one he’s never really been asked before and he didn’t really answer it all... maybe he’s just being hush about it on purpose because he doesn’t want to spoil his plan

Oh man they SERIOUSLY have to do a cartoon version of this!!!! 😂😂😂

Theo brainstorming mid chaos like “the prophecy is true” meme

Theo: "I would go to the mall" a minute later. Joe: "dumb people go to the mall" 🤣

1:22 I had a feeling Theo wasn’t sure about gun terminology. 😂

Theo and Joe chemistry is comedy gold

Theo Von is Monty Python type funny. Recordings of him will outlive all his peers 🇬🇧👍

Theo needs to write a movie script about the apocalypse

"The dumbest people are at the mall, the're gonna fuck it up for you!" LMAO!! That made me choke on my Lucky Charms!

Can't defend a mall, theres 12 entrances and they're glass doors people can drive a car right through. Don't even try fortifying a mall. Go to a country club or some shit. Somewhere with a solid door, or barricades to prevent cars ramming the doors.

I've been preparing for this for 5 years. I'm not done yet but if it gets sideways I'm good for awhile

Joe got a bunker, 100%

I feel like Theo would be like Danny McBride in This Is The End

As for location, assuming it's abandoned, I'd hold up in a prison complex. Heavily fortified, plenty of places to hide, lots of space if you have a community to roll with. If you're lucky, there's food in the cafeteria, medical supplies in the infirmary, and/or weapons in the armory.

Joe would Def hoard all the DMT and start breeding Elk

Hearing joe call blue collar, "ditch diggers" hits different.

I love these two together, seriously good times.

Theo is such a trip..gotta love him

Conversations between Joe and Theo is pure gold

I'd get all the sports illustrated swimsuit editions so I can trade them for the economist or rolling stone.... lol 🤣

I love it when you can hear Jamie laughing in the background

We need 3 hours of these guys monthly

F****n love Theo and his great conversation ideas. I need a bro like that.

I don't want the world to end but if does, I'd like it to be with these 2 guys.

I am leaving for the mountains

You always hear Jamie cracking up when Theo is on lmao

Both of these men are interesting and make me laugh. But when they are together, in their element, I don't know of better entertainment.

During the apocalypse, I'd bunker up at a Costco🤘 Crazies can't get in without a membership card😂

“I would go to the mall” “Only dumb people would go to the mall” 😂

always amazing answers from joe rogan, honestly i'm astounded by most of them, and he does this regurlarly on every podcast video

ditch diggers are the ones with a bunker, food, and lots of magazines

Cam Hanes is sending you a thousand hammers😂

Theo just wanted to live out the plot of Dawn Of The Dead with Joe so bad 😅

1:27 "Into what?" I burst out laughing XD Theo is like a kid i swear

Oh my god, 'load up some magazines'...'???...'sports illustrated'....I'm dying here Theo! 🤣🤣🤣

I knew Joe was ripped when he said “You could use magazines as protection, stack enough of em on top of each other” I friggin died 😂

The two of you crack me up so hard😄 I never really thought about what I’d do in that situation. I guess head home, get the family and guns together and decide what to do from there lol😄

Love it. But those ditch diggers are gonna survive longer in a Apocalypse than any one living in Hollywood or Beverly Hills. A Bunker or Panic Room is only gonna last so long before a ditch digger takes it from you.

Not sure why it took me so long to realize how crazy it is for Theo to be consistently funny on 2/3 hour long podcasts. ( Like it seems rare for him to be on a podcast that’s mediocre) It’s awesome how successful he is, he has the perfect kind of personality/humor to fit in SMS. ( George Carlin is an indisputable great. So much so his specials seemed like they were coming off the top of his head rather than spending the whole year perfecting it.) But from how SMS has lead to shorter attention spans, personalities/celebrities changing from mysterious/inaccessible to seeming like you know them & accessible.

The trick is to understand the signs of the pendulum falling, as Theo put it, before it starts to and be in place days or weeks before it gets to where Theo is hypothesizing. The thing is it's hardly ever an overnight thing, and if it is the decline has been happening and drastically visible for quite some time, think extensively failing infrastructure and openly corrupted governments. To answer Theo's question as to a place to hole up, post apocalypse community style, I'd try to hold down a Home Depot, lots of materials inside to reinforce, propane vehicles, use a forklift to clear a path to other nearby business to source more items. No windows except the front, roof access with parapets. If zombies are a thing sleeping in the racks above the floor. Otherwise make a death maze that leads to the most secure part of the store.

“Minimum wage thinkers” 😂that made me feel like shit about myself

Joe and Theo talk like best friends

Theo's plan is to basically re-enact Dawn Of The Dead

Id go to the library...im checking out a few books on edible plants, medicine, and engineering 🤣🤣🤣

Deaf Jack Russel My favourite Theo moment 😂

A home improvement store would be the best place to fortified. Especially with a giant enclosed garden center.

Those minimum wage people know how to live off the land tho... I think the rich, privilege ones and those in big cities might have the hardest time adjusting

“Load up magazines” Bro, it’s not uncles bathroom..

The only rule i have for an apocalypse is, big places like hospitals police stations museums, just overall spacious places are a no go, you want places that are small like a corner-shop petrol stations etc… this way you have more of a chance at surviving.

Joe Rogan is building the comedy store in Austin. Not for comedy but for a ultimate hidden backroom reveal when ww3 starts. Where he hides all his friends .

I read a zombie book about this. The only safe place is a cave halfway down a cliff. I read it, it must be true

“awe im fcked, but what do you do?” “load up some magazines” got me cryn

Theo definitely jumped the fence at the Tulane primate center as a kid 🤣.

it took him 55 seconds to basically ask, "what would you do if shit were to hit the fan?'

Every time I hear Theo, I think, "this guy is the dumbest genius on earth"

They are both completely blazed here

I wish u could show pics in the comment section. In Nelson, New Zealand 🇳🇿 we are having rain we haven't had for 40 years. The flooding is incredible! I'm a volunteer firefighter and my last 2 days have been nuts, with work on top of it.

I hope they make a JRE toon out of this conversation

This is a real "High" conversation

Just a personal thought… there are rules for society and rules for war and rules for survival. To apply the rules for one to another is to guarantee failure. To treat a “completely sideways” scenario with the rules you adhere to in society is to make yourself a victim. Conversely, if you apply the rules of all out war to the wrong scenario you make yourself a target for those just trying to survive. Your greatest survival tool in any situation is advanced knowledge of your moral compass and rules of engagement in each scenario, and being aware enough to know when each set of rules needs applied. With the number of potential threats circling our nation, if you haven’t already started thinking and war gaming this out you’re behind the curve.

The Ben Simmons shit and the Monster energy bit had me fucking dying lol.

Theo facing the zombies with a box full of old nat geos!!

I’m loading magazines. Into what!? Into guns! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

if it went down, our corrupt government would shut down all the roads and make us completely rely on them

Lmfaooo “jockos just gunna be up for work”

i hate when people use ditch diggers as an insult. bro i hold a shovel and make $17 an hour i’m straight chilling

Joe not concerned over the NPC's AI, it's the PVP combat and raiding system he's concerned about. Hope's to find a base someone else already fortified or partially fortified.

I just moved from Chicago to rural Wisconsin and immediately after getting my Wisconsin drivers license I went straight to the gun store and bought a bunch of guns. Illinois is one of the last 4 or so states that requires a FOID card (firearm owner Identification card) to purchase a gun. You have to be 21 to apply for a foid card. And even after you get it there’s ridiculous tax on guns and ammo and there’s no gun stores in or around Chicago really. I never wanted to bother with applying for a foid especially when I knew I was going to be moving to Wisconsin. Once I learned I was I started saving a separate pile of money to buy a bunch of guns when I get out there. I found a really cheap gun store that sold used guns as well so I got a full size handgun, a compact handgun, and AR platform, a 12 gauge shotgun, an old hunting rifle, and a 22 repeater rifle because I’ve wanted one since I was a kid and red dead redemption came out

"Magazines into what?" Lol o theo I love it

In my hometown, I'd hold up in Lowe's. They have a bunch of shit you can build, the mall is nearby, the brewery (with farmland is nearby) car dealerships are nearby. It's perfect.

"Like, the mall?!" Gold!

Theo sounds exactly like my friend Aaron. Not ready for apocalypse, but wants to know how I'd do it.

Ive had this exact conversation with my friends 😂

It won't matter where you are or what you have that you think is yours, people will come and try to take it from you.

A Costco! Has a kitchen, fridges. You can fortify entry ways with all the heavy metal shelving. There are tools. Accessible rooftop for vantage points or even airlift rescue. It’s basically a fort. There’s furniture for sleeping. It can contain a small community. It’s perfect for even a zombie apocalypse.

Let’s be honest we’d all be screwed, unless you have submitted to Jesus

Theo Von is Joe Rogan's best guest. He's just so fucking out there.

I'd call Adam Greentree. If there's anyone that'll survive the apocalypse, it's Adam.

Awesomeness! You guys absolutely smoked before this discussion!!

This title is a very big overstatement

I'm grabbing magazines "Sports illustrated?" 🤣

Got my plates, pew pews and food ready 🤣

the best place to hide out at would be a school. its built to be safe, has a nurses office, a gym, a cafeteria and multiple rooms and bathrooms

"A strong wind with a voicebox"

Joe is looking at Theo thinking where is the door

“Cam Hanes is sending you a thousand hammers” 🤣🤣🤣

The get me a medium got me

You take an Secure a Costco or a Sam's Club. You're set for awhile, everything you'll need is there.