🧠🧠finish listening to ALL the stories here kzfaq.info/sun/PL5FcevqxOz5tuU1qghkOUcBqGKHKXHO0f

I was seeing the Phantom of the Opera and before the show everyone used the restroom. I was standing in line and some guy was in a stall and having the worst diarrhea and gas. Someone yelled out something like "Dude, are you dying?" Everyone one (including the poor guy) erupted in laughter. Probably 40 guys in all.

I think the funniest thing I've been told by a stranger was that I looked like a tiger. It wasn't what the kid said that made me laugh, but the look of horror on his mom's face. I've got scars on my arms, and the kid thought it looked like tiger stripes I guess. Another funny thing happened when I went to walmart after a taekwondo class. I was still wearing my gi, and some random kinds asked me to do a quote "ninja kick" so I did a high round kick since my legs were too sore to do a jump kick.

- when I was in 7th grade I was at a after school club and we hear from the detention room in a shout “I WILL NOT BE SILENCED” - I was shopping at a target than I hear from the intercom, “ thanks you for shopping at Walmart, um I .. I meant Target - Click”

My wife and I heard two teenage boys having a conversation. One of the boys said, "We're planning on losing our virginity to each other, but I swear if the sex sucks, I'm just gonna go and be gay." We both burst out laughing!

“YOURE ALL GOING TO HELL!” “damn it I thought it was going to Harlem!”

I remember in middle school, people were talking about Halloween costumes. The guy next to me said “I’m going to be a serial killer for Halloween: I’m going to be Tony the Tiger!” I busted out laughing!

My husband was often the person delivering the one liners. It was helpful when he was undergoing frightening and painful treatment for cancer -- in fact, it accelerated during that time as a coping mechanism. A few situations: - he was undergoing an ultrasound on the cancer when he looked the nurses right in the eye and said 'Don't tell me -- it's twins, isn't it?' - after surgery when they ask you basic questions to find out whether you're still mentally altogether, the nurse asked him who the Prime Minister was. This was 2018, so he answered Theresa May...then said, 'But I'd much prefer James May' of Top Gear fame. That elicited a massive eye-roll from the nurse -- pro-tip, don't troll anyone who is within reach of a big nasty needle. - the last one was when he was asked about CJD (mad cow disease) and answered back...'No, it doesn't affect us squirrels'. Then there was the time I was at work and my mum was taking him to his clinic appointments. On top of the chemo side-effects, he was struggling with nasty headaches that weren't listed as part of what he could expect from the regimen. So my mum rang me after the appointment to say -- verbatim -- 'They're going to do a scan of his brain but they don't think they'll find anything.' Then she realised what she'd said and burst out laughing. (The cancer -- which he called 'kidney cancer with an identity crisis', since the cancerous kidney had been taken out two years before the lurking metastases broke out and started their rampage through his body, had unusually broken through the blood-brain barrier and formed lesions in the brain. They were able to operate that time and another chemotherapy drug actually worked on the brain tissue, but unfortunately the cancer started its blitzkrieg somewhere else and he ended up succumbing to the lung metastasis instead :(.) Sadly hubby died in mid 2019. He went home ahead of the pandemic, which I'm actually thankful for because it was hell on earth for others I knew with terminal conditions. The world is much poorer for me without him -- a lot of his wisecracking levity would have been useful throughout the global upheaval of the last few years. Goodnight, sweet prince :(.

6th grade. The class beside us was start to sing a modified version of a song from a popular talkshow on my country. It was so funny everyone and the teacher burst in laughter. When i was in one of the class in my Graphic Desing degree, a dog sits through the class just in the middle as the teacher didn't bother to even acknowledge it. Then it turn to the dog stare it, and ask: "did you had any question? or do you understand it". Everyone just turns to the dog staring at the professor and just give a single bark and yelp. Suddenly some start to snicker from holding the laughter until it was to late and all the class was laughing hysterically at the at the situation. So much so even other classes came to see wth was going on.

I was the stranger, I was petting my neighbours cat and they caught me so I went “I’m just bonding please don’t ask why I’m wearing a cat headband and belt with a pretend cat tail” The neighbour realised and I have never seen her laugh so loud before xD

The Tony the Tiger one is so funny 💀💀 he probably doesnt even know about the cereal mascot, bless his heart 💀

About two weeks ago, I was hanging my laundry on the clothesline outside. I live in Arizona so it's hot now. As I was hanging my clothes, I hear a little kid, who was maybe 7 or 8, say to himself "damn, it's hot" which made me laugh because it was quiet outside at the time and that was the first sound I hear. Had I remembered to wear my earbuds, I'd have missed this moment.

11:34 Soo adorable i love it " The cat took my wi-fi" 😂😂❤

Went to Bryce Canyon with my best mate last year. While inside a visitors' area, we encountered a large group of biker guys speaking Swedish. After they were done reading the educational placards, one of them ended up leaving his helmet behind on the bench my friend and I were sharing. He soon realized he was missing it, came back for it, and in impeccable (if accented) English, joked that "dementia is a natural process". We were both out of commission for several minutes afterwards.

I worked at a crappy call center one summer on college break. They had us calling old customers trying to get people they scammed. The scam was they charge your bank account before you see long distance bill. The funny part is the former customer starting accusing me of sexual acts on my mum, but I went thru whole programmed regime we were supposed to say. He hung up first and then I burst out laughing after 4 minutes talking to him, but have you considered....

I was 13 or 14 paying "Fusion Frenzy" on Xbox Live, and some random drunkard with a poor British accent repeatedly screamed "I'M DAVID FUCKING BOWIE!". 20 years later I'm still laughing

"Yeah buddy lather it up" is hilarious😂

Contrary to what people think, chihuahuas are one of the most aggressive dogs in existence, more likely to bite than most other breeds. Just because they can't rip your leg off doesn't mean you won't bleed when they bite you.

😅At the crematorium for my fathers funeral. We pass a gardener before we go in, putting the leaf litter into an outdoor burner. Go into the crematorium, have the service, see his coffin off. Then when we leave, I sniff and say "something's burning". There was dead silence, I realise what I'd said, but my stepmother sniggers, then bursts out laughing and goes, "You are so much like your Dad."

There's a store in my town that sells vintage toys, including stuff like old Star Wars action figures and classic My Little Ponies. Anyway, I went there a while back to get an Indiana Jones action figure as I love me some Indiana Jones. That day, I chose Toht (the Gestapo agent who tries to torture Marion with a fire poker, and then has his face melt at the end). It was incredibly hot out that day, and as I was checking out, the cashier recognizes my action figure and says "Make sure his face stays intact, in this heat!". I laughed so hard I almost cried.

I remember years ago, I was at the movies with my bestie and her family. We were slowly driving through the parking garage with all the windows down, and this old lady seemed to have forgotten where she parked. She shouted "SON OF A F***!!!". We laughed so hard, I nearly peed myself.

Story #5: (2:03) ~ EXACTLY like Jim Carrey when he exited the elevator in “Liar, Liar”! 😂

I was at a wrestling show with my husband three years ago. While he was in the bathroom, I was standing aganist a wall in the hallway playing wordfeud on my phone. A man maybe in his 50's walked over to me and said: "So typical teenagers being on your phones all the time." I raised my head and he looked surprised at seeing I was so not a teenager. I said: "It's been decades since I was a teenager. I think you might need new glasses." He apologized and hurried forward. Even if I had been a teenager, why did he feel the need to make this comment to begin with? I wasn't in the way of anyone walking through the hall. I wasn't playing anything loud on my phone. I was minding my own business.

Gotta add this…in hi school spanish class the teacher was teaching words for parts of the body using badly drawn flash cards. Badly drawn. When she got to the finger, it was drawn without the rest of the hand and it did NOT look like a finger. A whole classroom of hormonal 14 year olds dies laughing. Class regained its composure, and a moment later the superintendent sticks his scowling head in the door and demands, “What’s going on in here?” The teacher turns to him, tilts her head, and smiles sweetly, then holds up the card. He glares at it, then he LOST it. We could hear him laughing all the way down the hall. Of course we all lost it all over again while the teacher ripped the card into confetti and delicately dropped it in the trashcan. That was 1981. I have stopped several times while writing this because I had to laugh. 40 years later it is still one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

The "WHERES YA GOSH DARN WALLY MELLIONS AT" gave me billy and mandy vibes

My father is a fairly short guy and one day my younger sister who is in her teens brings one of her friends over. Now this friend is a tall girl that people nicknamed “big girl”. So my father calls over to get in a friendly manner “.BIG GIRL” and she just calls back “LITTLE MAN” and lose it right there and laugh for a good 10 minutes

I work at an oriental grocer, and this woman has a bundle of "hell money" from the incense aisle, and is asking me about it. They're incense paper that you burn at funerals, so your dearly departed family members have money to spend in the afterlife, as tradition and folklore states. But what she was asking me was that, she wanted to send some friends in Taiwan some of the new year packets, and wondered if she could use this hell money in those red new years' packets. So, with a big dumb grin on my face that I could not suppress, I told her she was really close to sending her Taiwanese friends a death threat by accident. Good thing she asked.

While leaving the Phoenix Comic Convention one year, we were both in costume. Wife was dressed like an assassin, with a cloak, armbands, and a crossbow prop. At the same time, the Phoenix Symphony was ending, and the streets were filled with people wearing tuxedos, and us weirdos dressed in costumes. Little old lady must have been 90 years old walks next to my wife, looked her up and down, and stated, "I could take you!"

For story 20, I can’t help but imagine that dad as Zack from the FF7 games

There was this guy on the train, probably about 19, who was high on something, and wore neon sunglasses. He would go to each high school student and say "duuuudddeee... get out of school, man and see the colours." Made me die laughing

I’m Finnish and me and my dad were in a Sweden vs Finland football game. Sweden scored and they were now in the lead with their 4 goals against our 0. Then a random Finnish dude just yells ”VARFÖR” (”WHY” in Swedish”) from the top of his lungs. Everyone, including the players, burst out laughing. I still think about that moment a lot.

My friends and I were sitting at a table outside an ice cream shop eating our ice cream. There was a table next to us with other people that we didn’t know too. A group of college-aged kids walked past and one of them was telling a story about a hookup and then just said “and then she just kept sucking my toes” Conversation at the two tables halted until the guy was further down the street and then we all burst out laughing.

Was in line at the grocery behind someone who had a GIANT pack of toilet paper. I remarked, "Looks like you got some serious shit going down!"

What time did the rocket get his food? Launch time.

so me and my family were at Six Flags Fiesta Texas and we stopped by one of the gift shops.We looked around a bit and my brother decided to put on a Batman mask. (he was about 14 at the the time ). And when he did a random kid walked up to him and said,"Cool Batman , can I have your autograph! 'Then my brother said, " Stay in school " And the kid said "No way Batman!"and walked off! WE LAUGHED SO HARD!🤣🤣🤣

Walked out a restaurant with my boyfriend past an alley way. Guy is sitting in a lawn chair just in side the alley way clearly blazed. Both me and bf notice him and continue to walk. As soon as we turn away, blazed guy shouts at us “YEA! THAT’S RIGHT!!! IM HIGH AS FUDGE”

I was walking into Walmart and about 10 ft from the door and this dude, probably in his 40s or early 50s, was like "let me get the door for you!" The he ran ahead, jumped on the area that triggers the door to open, then legit giggled as I walked inside. I was laughing by that point too. You don't see many adults act playful like that.

my story is that i was watching this youtube video by a channel called "am i the genius?" that was going over a bunch of stories on reddit. he mentioned a story where someone proclaimed to be a chef for working at kfc. i burst out laughing for 5 minutes.

One of my friends and I were in the changing room at our college gym joking that my sister and her roommate were members of the “itty bitty titty committee” and an old lady walks up to us and says “you know what’s good about being part of the itty bitty titty committee?” I ask what and she said “our boobs don’t sag when we get old” and my friend and I died 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2:13 got me as hard xD couldn’t stop laughing for 2 minutes

Ok so no one said it to us but it was pretty funny. I am in 8th grade and we had the rare occasion of having cross country practice inside the school( it was an extra mural). Then these 3 9th graders walk past us(2 girls 1 boy) . One of the girls do absolutely nothing. But anyway the first girl says « You can’t make someone love you! » Then the boy says « Well then I’ll lock her in a freezer » I was running with a friend and as a joke (she didn’t hear what the boy said) she said « I will make you fall in love with me by doing what that boy said » with me replying « You wanna lock me in a freezer? » She then replied with an embarrassed « Oh that’s what he said, never mind » and we carried on running never having spoken about it again.

The one with the cat taking the wifi away is eo sweet and absolutely adorable im sobbing i love old people, im lucky enough to still have both my great grandparents at 15, and my great grandma is just like that, she doesnt have wifi because she was like 6 at the start of ww2 so shes. A wreck, but i tried to ask her whether her apartment had wifi, and she said she didnt know, so i dropped it, but then she went on this whole spiral of calling people and cursing people out on the phone over her not being able to iust. Acquire wifi immediately. Im sobbing

I might have been 9 or 10. I was sitting on the couch watching cartoons, and this really old church lady came to our door to preach the good word. My dad was trying to tell the lady we were not interested in the nicest way possible; meanwhile, our three dogs went nuts whenever there was someone at the door ( they were not mean just wanted to greet the lady and drool on her). They haven't figured out how to get over the baby gate that locks them in the kitchen Anyway, this lady peers around my dad right at the dogs and yells, "Jesus Christ shut the hell up" This shocks me my dad and even the dogs into silence before she turns back to the sweet old lady again and thanks my dad for his time and leaves after shutting the door both my dad and I burst out laughing.

I don't have any stories of my own, but I do go out of my way to lean over to random people and just start saying random crap or show them a cursed image. Sometimes it's to build confidence or my intrusive thoughts winning.

3:48 it's not just Phili it's every where in the North East/ tri-state area. You could make an exception for some people (Mainly in New York City) who are the oppisite kind, but not helpful. A lot of people find it rude, but for me I honestly think a guy pulling up to you on the road when you have a flat tire and calling you an idiot, then helping you with repairing it or getting a tow truck is better than someone coming up to you and saying that they feel so bad for you and it's happened to them before, but they don't know how to help, then leaving.

The other way around. I was at the mall with mom I told the employees something funny, "the fun is pun gum in the cheeks of the sun"

Story #5: > IT WAS MMMEEE BARRRRRY!!! > Runs out of the bathroom Professor Zoom?

I was on the metro train in la and someone on the phone screamed "oh Dear lord" but the way he said he sent about 30 people into contagious laugher for a good 5 mins. Cant say it was a conversation but people were literally crying laughing. Just imagine a super high pitched voice for the first 2 words "Oh dear" then a super deep voice with the word Lord divived into an extra syllable. "Lohw-Hord!"

4:00 I had actually done this, I was able to perfectly mimic a bellevue crosswalk noise, so I did a perfect whistle, and people started walking.

"There's a hole in one"😂😂

0:57 The guy shouldn't have said, "Crap I thought this train was going to Harlem," He should have said, "Crap, I didn't wanna go to Harlem,". I live in New York and just a few blocks away from Harlem and I know it can be hell.

Last Story: Because it costs nothing to be polite

I was at a zoo when I was younger at a lion enclosure I hear someone walking by “it might identify as a lioness”

I was the person who made a complete stranger crack up. Taco Bell had this new thing at the time called the Dragon Paradise, some sort of dragonfruit soft drink I dunno, some Taco bells didn't have it, mine included, and a woman came up to the counter and asked what it was. When I replied with "Something we do not have" the lady just cracked up, doubled over and all like I just showed her 50 Shades narrated by Gilbert Gottfried. To this day I don't know why that was so funny to her...

Right now your cat's probably saying "We take the wifi when we choose, humans. Lol."

Ok, i might be a month late, but I can't leave this one out: I work at court and many times we have to deal with criminal charges, such as drug use. Large quantities are seen as traffic, but small ones which are said to be for personal use are often left alone. When the charge is for personal use, the prosecution offers a deal: you agree to a written notice and 5 years without using anything and you won't be arrested. When such deals happen, i'm obligated to read the notice out loud before signing it off together with the convict to make it official. Once i began reading the notice "Using marijuana can lead to persistent feelings of anguish, anxiety, addiction and illegal trade can lead to violent streets and..." (Guy interrupted me) "Officer, i'm really stoned af right now, is that a problem?" In retrospect, he's right, he didn't have a notice yet and nothing was said about place

When i worked in a liquor store. This guy asked "Do i use a chip or do i swipe"? The guy behind him said, "when i go to the bathroom, first i take a S/CHIP then i S-WIPE."😅

Story 18: Humorous, but truthful. If you want to know if a person will be a good marriage partner, do some work with them that requires coordinating effort. If it is hot, sweaty, or just plain tiring, all the better. When you are married you will have to work together constantly. Kids, housework, budgets, etc. if you can’t work together on simple things, call it off and look elsewhere.

It wasn't directly to me but when I was in high school I badly dislocated my knee and afterwards it was prone to going out, so eventually I had to have it fixed in place by screws. At the time I lived in a small town in the northern part of the province where it regularly got to -20c (-4f) or lower with deep snow drifts. We flew down to vancouver island to have the surgery where it was at least 10 degrees warmer with a dusting of snow. When we were getting off of the plane, going outside, the lady in front of me said "oooh its cold". I barely stopped from laughing

A stranger told me the government has been controlling the weather for the last 100 years. I asked who I should vote for as no party had done a good job with it so far

When i was younger I worked at a Cheesecake Factory. Extremely busy restraunt since it was brand new. If you've been to one before then you've probably stared at the dessert counter with all the cheesecakes on display while waiting for a table. That dessert counter is where the servers also get their orders for their tables. I'm over 6 feet tall, got broad shoulders, and I was on the heavier side. Just a big guy in general. I'm waiting for my tables desserts with about 6 other servers just chatting. That's when an old lady about a third of my size asks "are the sugar free cakes actually anygood?" without even looking at me or better yet up at me. She then turns, looks at me up and down, thinks for a moment, then completely dismisses me and says, "you wouldn't know" and just goes back to looking at the cakes. My coworkers and I just lost it as I pointed out she just called me fat in front of 30 or so people. Gotta love old folks with no filters😅

Any time somebody says "I'll pray for you."

That 100 y/o lady got crazy rizz 😂

He said that he actually making my paycheck, when he wanted to pawn his crappy watch in my pawn shop. Yeah tanks for your $5 (after taxes and margin), each month, it's like I totally can't pay rent without it.

One teacher when i was a kid... was like "so you have a twin, is this him?" It was, so i said yes. Then, 100 percent serious, "are you identical?" For context, hes a tall, thin male with blue eyes, Im a short female with green eyes and glasses.

For story 2, I hope you guys know that Hell exists? Hell, Stjørdal, Trondheim, Norway and I live only about 30 minutes away by car. There are four letters that spell HELL up on the mountainside just like the Hollywood sign, only much smaller.😊

Comebacks are funny when it's on point

Went to Skyline earlier and guy waiting on us in the drive thru is Australian. He kept saying alright and me and my Mom had a laughing fit.

8:19 (Story 16 - crabs): better the first date than a later one.

When I was in London with my college group, a random elderly man approached me from behind and loudly told me: Hey mate, you got a glowing ass. I had my smartphone flashlight on and it was flashing out of my very white buttock pocket. So random, so funny :D

"Thanks for shopping at Dollar Tree". Ha! That's nothing. I took my mother to Walmart years ago, and as we're looking around an announcement starts coming over the PA system and says "Attention K MART shoppers"! Funny thing was, I started LOLing as did someone else...LSS it was my best friend, who had also taken his mother to Walmart. It was the first and only time our mothers met each other. We still mention that to this day any time Walmart or K Mart comes up in a convo..... [Yeah, we're pretty boring people]

My mum was getting blood taken but first she was getting the finger prick test for her diabetes. She said to the nurse it sounded like a gun going off, the nurse replied “No Mrs D you would be a lot worse off if you had been shot “ without even the slightest smile. 😅

Walking humans always have the right of way to walking animals. That is an unspoken rule in my parents house, and should be a rule everywhere.

For story eight as someone who grew up in philly can say that that’s pretty damn accurate but you forgot something important: dirty minded, inappropriate and also constantly watching your step otherwise stepping in a pile of piss, a cigarette butt or a random ass piece of gum.

Got told I look like a cartoon character

some of these had me laughing at the screen kinda of

tony was being cerious

I have actually walked into present-day restaurants and asked for the smoking section to watch the young person it's mouth drop open like I just held up a gun and told her I wondered all the money from the register lol effing hilarious

this is kinda dumb, but I was in a gas station and a customer was at checkout and told the cashier a joke that I overheard. It was, when does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent haha The cashier laughed more at me laughing at the joke that the joke that was told to her

Theres an Indian family that owns all the subway locations in town. As one guy was making my sandwich, he said "would you like wedgie"? I knew what he meant; veggie. I tried so hard not to laugh until i was out of there.

5:07 Cartman issat you?

I was walking by some highschoolers while I was going into a restaurant to pick up an order, and it was obvious as I got closer that they were arguing. One of the boys (who was leaning into a car parked behind the one he and his friends came in) was leaning into another teenager’s car and I heard “yeah you got beat up, get back out of the car and fight me again. Yeah your pu**y belongs to me boy.” I coached another one of the boys but I’m only 25 and he’s going to college, so we are close in age. We made eye contact and I just gave a shit eating smirk because it was on if the stupidest things I’ve heard in a while.

I lived in Vegas, so I could Ex ape an EX. Sadly that yr, my car was Stolen, and I had to rely on Public Transit., one day after me and a friend/ coworker of mine was waiting for the bus, We heard someone Yell, AND the next thing a very Cold Slurpy, got Lunged on us!, the cup hit my hand Exploded on both of us!! We were shocked at first , but Laughed I couldn’t feel one of my fingers for like 20 minutes cause I was in the direction of it!!?? And IT was A ICEee drink

YOU KNOW I WAS A CHEF I WORKED AT KFC🗣️😡

12:13 >finish the CALL not laugh in her FACE choose one

Where do you get all these cool games and how the heck did you get a so good at them.

When I was about 5 I had a paper cut and as I was peeling an orange, it suddenly stung really bad. As I screamed out in pain and put my finger in my mouth my grandmother asked "What did you do", I said "It's ok, it's just a paper cut". She then said "Ooo, nothing worse than a paper cut" So I told her "Actually, I think leukemia is worse.. and terminal lung cancer... and having your legs fall off and being executed by electric chair during a blackout"

8:51 who you calling scruffy looking

Am I the only one that occasionally hears voices in these videos that are very similar to some characters in DBZ Abridged?

After the kfc story I got a kfc ad 😂😂

5:23 no need to translate. i understand it perfectly

i was walking home and this kid with a hoodie had a basketball or something in it to make him look pregnant and he asked what i thought and i said "congrats whats the gender?" and he replies with transgender 😭

Story10 the The accent to south park

As a blind guy, that story about the girl, imitating the crosswalk sound probably should not be legal, or funny. Well, maybe it is just a little bit. Still, could potentially get someone like me killed. When you have audio cues, and there’s no one else around, and they fall for it, what are you gonna do?

Some people’s eyes do Chang color though

1:05 2:10 pls don’t delete

I was at the theater with dad and we saw a trailer for the sinful 6, at the end tery cruss said, "hay fat face..." Then I said in Jeff Dunham's akmed acsent , "he is talking to you". dad is obese btw. He laughed and some guys in front laughed also. I was tolled that was rude afterwords

10:29

Yay I was within an hour today also now I’m wondering what happens to the new guy I like the original guy make but he was her for two videos and haven’t been here since was it cause the main guy was sick

WTF is the backroud game