I burst into tears when the gavel came down in my daughter’s TPR. Social worker thought I was relieved because now we could adopt her. I was heartbroken for her.

In the description it's better explained. TPR means Termination of Parental Rights, which also means the child(ren) will be now going to a long term foster, adoption or a guardianship.

i’m now the guardian to my 11 year old brother since August. Our mom had a stroke and is paralyzed. I have no kids and didn’t want any but I am trying everything and anything to be a good support for my brother. your videos help me a lot with ideas and ways to talk to him. I know i’m his sister and not a foster parent but I went from knowing nothing and you’ve taught me a lot

I was 8 and I remember that day in court like it was yesterday, I’m 43. 😢 Thank you for educating. I really hope there’s foster parents really listening and learning.

For those who don't understand why; One reason is that TPR means the hope of them being restored to their parents is totally and permanently gone. Anyone who cares about a child wants their relationship with their parents to be healthy, even if it is currently extremely dysfunctional. A child who gets TPR has basically lost their birth parents. Yes, maybe they are better off without that toxicity, but they're still family. Nobody should be happy with that child's loss.

Even if TPR was wanted, the situation that lead to that point would have been a LOT so it's a mixed bag even in the best scenario.

Foster care is so bittersweet. By default, others outside the situation often tend to be “excited” at milestone events - coming into care, holidays, TPR, even adoption. But as you have a chance to really connect with family/friends over time, they begin to unpack all of the emotions with you. Kids come into care on one of the worst days of their lives. While it’s natural to be excited to be able to love on and provide for these children, it’s also a very heavy day. TPR breaks legal connections between families - but no one can break the emotional connection between family members. That’s an eternal bond. Just because a Judge made a ruling, doesn’t mean things get any easier at home. Often times, TPR can spark an entirely new set of emotions and conversations with the child due to the permanency of the decision. That can weigh so heavily on a child. Even adoption can be bittersweet. Yes, “Gotcha Day” is fun and exciting. But it’s also a day where the child can feel abandoned by bio-family. And it can be a reminder of all the things lost and left behind from previous life: family, friends, teachers, schoolmates, neighbors, etc. Each of these groups are “losses”that the child may be reminded of on adoption day - or any given day of the year. Not just on anniversaries. In many senses, Foster Care is so much more about managing the roller coaster of emotions and trauma than it is about putting food on the table and getting kids to school. That’s the easy part. The tough part is listening to the stories, sharing the heartbreak, and teaching these amazing children how to process and regulate all of the things they’ve experienced.

My parents were foster parents for 25 years and I got to be a sister to so many kids that I still have relationships with today and I applaud you and your channel for doing everything right. My parents did adopt 3 children who are my siblings and I love them with all my heart and soul. These kids just want a family to love them and support them in every way possible.

My initial response when someone tells me news (could be good or bad), I put my feelings/perspective aside and ask "How do we feel about this?" So I can be on the same page, there is nothing worse/unhelpful than a person who is on a different side than you are, we need our friends on our side for strength and support ❤️

My aunt is a Foster Mom. It always hurts to say goodbye to the kids, but TPR hurts even worse sometimes. Your heart aches for that poor child who may never have their bio parents in their life again. She hates it when people ask her if she will keep the kids. Of course she wants them, but she wants them to have both bio parents and bio siblings too. Her oldest foster turned adopted daughter was adopted separately from her bio siblings, but she can still see them which is great. It's a very touchy subject for her. You never know what those kids go through. 💔

My siblings go for this in February. We're all hoping our mom will lose rights. Their foster mom they've had for a year will be moving forward with adopting them and my siblings will no longer be forced to talk to our mom. 🙏🏼🤞🏼

Compassion over Celebration. Its key to life!!

This is what happened with me. I was just lucky enough that I was still a baby when everything happened and was adopted very quickly. I can’t imagine what a child whos old enough to process something as heavy as that must go through, though.

Thank you so much for your page. I’ve adopted twice and am a legal guardian too. I’ve felt so guilty when my heart hurt for what they lost with their bio families. I still cry when I think of what the bio families have lost. My kids are AMAZING, and I am so fortunate to get to watch them grow close up with the daily contact that entails. That gift in my life came at a cost to others, though, including a loss to my kids. No matter how hard I try to keep the lines open, it can never be like what it would be if they had grown up in healthy bio families with their first mothers and fathers around them. My family and most of my friends act like I’m crazy to see this as a mix, both a gift and a huge loss. Having my (now mostly secret) feelings reflected in your videos is so validating and helps give me new ways to talk about it with my kids so that I can make sure as best I can that they know they don’t have to hide their feelings from me.

This is so wonderful. Same with "gotcha day" it's a happy day, yes, but also a day of great loss. And if you have birth children it does not include them in the building of the family. Having a "family day" can be something to look forward to each year where the family unit is celebrated with whoever is currently part of the family.

Think a lot of people forget that the ultimate goal is reunification and there can be a lot of heavy emotions for everyone involved but that is the ultimate goal. I'm glad you have these videos to help educate people so that they don't come across as insensitive

Before my husband died, I'd asked him about maybe fostering kids someday. We weren't blessed with children. He would have been a great father. I've been wondering the what if he would have lived scenario since he died. And your videos have given me a glimpse into what I missed out on. Thank you. 👵✌️🖖

I had an experienced with CPS and they were under the believe I had abandon my kiddo and left them with their father . Once they learned that his father kidnapped him the went hard on the TPR so my kiddo was a foster child for about 1 week. It was the most hardest week for both of us, because of showing the social worker that I was completely capable and had kiddo’s room ready . Will always have respect for that Particular social worker who let me see my child.

This channel just makes me want to cry idk why. She's so kind and beautiful. I'm happy to share this world with her. In my country there's no such things as a foster parent program but I definitely want to help those who need it.

Watching these is making me a better person.

I get this! Children especially young ones love their parents no matter what. While this could be the best decision for their well-being they may not understand that at the time. It's no cause for celebration because it's a loss.

While it was obvious to me to not respond in the first way, I did not exactly know how I could respond, so thank you for giving some examples.

I’ve always wanted to foster and with any luck I’ll be able to in the future. It’s something I’ve always been passionate about and then met my husband and his foster to adoptive family and it pushed it even more. Thank you for trying to educate people on this process

Reading through these comments, I'm so glad that your videos are being taken in the many different ways they can be used! Your techniques are useful for any emotionally driven situation, not just with fosters, but with any child dealing with adult situations! You've shown several ways I could have better handled situations with my teenage daughter when the mental illness started showing. The other thing that it's important to make people realize is the children in foster care are not always there because they're are abused or neglected. There are so many different ways a loving parent can lose custody. You see horror stories of amazing parents losing everything and living out of their minivan until they can figure it out. I imagine it's those situations that are hardest. Thank you for what you do!

My daughters half brother and step brother were removed from the home for DV and it killed me I couldn’t be the one to take them, I hope they were with a foster parent like you. Thank you for being these kids safe space at such a scary time in their young lives.

This girl is so sensitive and talented in what she does. What an example of a human being! ❤

My TPR was coeorsed by my attorney and I didn't understand I could never get him back UNLESS he chose to see me 💔 but his adoptive parents keep in touch and give me all the pictures and updates I want which is great so I think one day I'll get to see him again and me and his AP can explain everything that happened to cause him to live there instead of with me god bless them they are blessings

My grandparents were foster parents and when a TPR happened, it was bittersweet. They felt they were too old to adopt, because they might not be able to care for the kids all the way into adulthood. They helped 7 kids transition into their adoptive homes and 13 transition back with their families of origin.

First! Thank you for educating me and other people about fostering! I love your channel sm ❤️

I am just 18, so I have never been a foster parent, but i would consider it in the future because I have a lot of empathy and experience with other youth I've met who are in the foster system or have had parents who weren't able to provide them with a safe situation. As a person with C-PTSD, I do also know quite a bit about trauma-informed parenting/support/language. Your channel is amazing, and Im certain it is helping plenty of other people who are interested in fostering or may just need some extra support even though they have been doing it for a while. With your other videos that are centered around the child, I remember that the staff/nurses at children's hospital psychiatric units or mental health group living programs were taking this approach to the kids and their temporary and/or forever families. Its amazing how a bit of knowledge and awareness, and a bit of empathy, can make a huge difference in a child and their behavior that often comes from those feelings of insecurity in safety or support. Sending love to all of the amazing parents doing this on the regular. It makes a huge difference to these kiddos and their parents/siblings ❤

You are such an amazing person. Enlightening people to the, in my opinion, best way to respond in these type of situations with foster kids. A lot of people think that fostering in general is doing more than most which is true, but considering how absolutely horrid foster care system has been portrayed and utilized in the last half century I'd say a lot of people need this type of educating

I try to always comment what a wonderful human you are whenever you show up in my feed ❤ you get me in the feels, and you’re amazing and being there for our most vulnerable kids.

This is really great if you don't know the person really well. I think it might be situational though, for example my mom's best friend has been fostering a little boy for 2 or 3 years now and have been fighting in court for that whole time to be able to adopt him (they already have his brother) so it would be a huge relief for everyone and exciting to hear that news

Perfect. TPR is heartbreaking.

My mum cried when TPR was ordered. She knew the day would come but it devastated her. She hoped so much more for the fosters parents and fought tooth and nail to prove and support their recovery. TPR was the right course of action in the end but it doesn't make it any less painful to process with all parties involved. Sadly the parents lashed out in anger snd frustration, enough that we too, lost the fosters.

I remember the day this happened for us. It was a big deal. So many emotions going on. But, here we are 14 years later. Our adopted son turns 21 this month. And I know despite all the ups and downs, He will always know he is our son and always will be.

I have friends that went through this, and it was a very difficult time for the whole family.

Is the foster parent responsible for telling the child that their parent’s rights are terminated? Thank you for your videos. I’m not a foster parent but I do have 3 kids of my own. I appreciate your developmentally on point approaches you take to care for these kids.

I like how you logically explain things.

I’m this comment section I am reading so many messages of parents who had health problems and that’s why the kids were removed. Parents who lost their jobs and got caught stealing and went to jail trying to feed the kids. It’s not just parents have neglected or abused their child. This is not always why children are taken away. But they are always taken away for their safety. But not always put into safe homes either. I just hope more people see this and understand that it’s not just people who mistreated children to have them taken away. There are many reasons why a parent has lost either all rights or just for a while

These sound like excellent tips for responding to any challenging news! Thank you

Yeah, I feel like it's pretty sick to celebrate the parent(s) permanently losing rights to their own biological child. I'm an adult adoptee and it is a form of trauma regardless to lose 1 or more of your biological parents. I love my adoptive dad with all my heart but the fact that my bio father wasn't stable enough to have custody of me is a severe wound regardless and it takes a lot of therapy to deal with not taking a hit to your self-esteem over your parent(s) being so messed up

I have family that became foster parents to a young girl removed from a substance abuse home. The mother gave up her rights but the father worked really hard and turned his life around. My family members moved so the girl could be close enough for her supervised visits while her Dad was recovering & healing. They now have 50/50 custody with the father and function as one big spilt household. Fostering is amazing but challenging & I have nothing but respect for those that enter into it with good hearts to make a difference.

Right. People literally hope for this. Like this isn't traumatic for a child, but your desperate need to adopt, means youre happy about children being totally uprooted from the only family they know. It's sad. It's hard ASF.

Your channel is such an amazing resource for foster situations, on both sides of it, which is wonderful for you to address. My daughter had a childhood friend, who became addicted to drugs at a young age. She had such a difficult life in the first place, and was never given the home environment, she, herself, deserved. They did this with both of her children, and it was heartbreaking for both her and her children. The horrible part is that in doing so, she dropped from her recovery program and went even further into the dark. It killed me to watch this beautiful young mother, that I had known almost her entire life, lose hope. I don't think people think about what TPR truly means for these families. Even if it is in the best interest of the child, that will never change the heartache they endure losing the only family they've ever known, or how hard it is for the foster family to address with them. Young children especially, cannot understand the reality of what's happening. I'm sure your channel helps a lot of people navigate through all of this.

My sisters were 9, 8, and 2 when there tpr went through for their bio parents. One was a voluntary tpr and the other was ordered because no one could find their mom. My 9 y/o sister looked relieved. She was taking care of mom and dad and her little sisters. 9 y/o and struggling to keep your family together. Love them all to pieces, and glad that they got to stay together when my parents stepped up to take them in.

Gosh these videos make me feel so emotional, I wish my emotionally abusive mom ever treated me like you do kids. Like she can tell me to off myself or call me names cause I'm hurt and upset and no one ever asked how I really felt or was there for me. I wish I had a you in my life

I remember these two sweet boys who had been in the process of adoption after like 5 years in foster care. They were so excited and loved visits with the family adopting them. Then, all of the sudden, their grandma showed up and decided she wanted them. No idea what happened to those boys, but I hope they're doing well. 😞 the system is messed up. I appreciate foster care parents who provide all of the support, love, and care like you do.

There are very few instances where this is reason to celebrate. Most of the time this is something very sad.

I was in the foster system twice. And I went back home both times. All most all my foster parents were abusive. I didn't have a single family or placement where they actually cared about me and my siblings. And my parents were still using when we went back home... but I would have rather been with my drug addicted parents then fostercare. Cuz I knew if I was home at least we would be somewhat taken care of. It's so hard to even belive ppl like you exist. But I'm so happy you do 🩷

I just love your content. I am not a foster parent but I truly love that you are trying to help and educate people about foster care. You don’t really see this side of it! I am so grateful for your service to this children/teens. You’re truly an unsung hero. All foster parents need more credit. It’s not an easy thing to do. ❤

I don't know anything about this but I love this woman. She's so compassionate and such a pure soul. I bet she's an awesome friend, Mom, sister, daughter etc, I'm a huge fan of this special human...I wish all Foster Parents were like her. You are amazing Madame!❤ I bet she's helping so many people!! ❤😊 Thank you.

I was in foster care with my brother from nine years old where I was in the first household where I lived that had clean beds, adequate food, and stability. Eventually I was adopted by my grandmother. I’ll never forget my foster parents. They let me eat as much food as I wanted.

I was a foster kid who got TPRd and adopted 😢 thank you for everything you do in your videos you're really healing a part of me that was left unheard for many years

LOVE LOVE LOVE the awareness you are bringing to all sides of the foster world!

I think people who look after others kids and love them like they are blood are true heroes and I am again commenting for support ❤

Thankyou for posting these insights. And for showing the selfless love you have for your kids.

Yet there are 100’s of Foster Parents that celebrate this openly in front of there foster kids always confused me and left me conflicted. Like the Foster Parent wanted the bio parents to fail, Regardless if they fail or not always take into consideration the fact that the child or children just lost there Bio Parent/Parents AGAIN! And it’s utterly heartbreaking for them, let alone any countless other times that a bio parent didn’t get there shit together for there kid AGAIN, It’s not always a celebration it more Bitter the SWEET and should be handled with absolute care

Being soft and understanding is so important! Not to fosters only but anyone going through a hard time. I work at a bank and we have a customer who was going through it and there isn't anything I could do to help so I just tried to smile and be sift with her and tell her she was in my thoughts and she broke her walls down a little and is starting to make her way down a better path and right herself. It's so important to know how to handle any kind of situation!

I was devastated in that court room. To hear a parents right were terminated was heartbreaking. Thank you for bringing awareness & educating. It wasn't a victory, it was a ok next unknown steps & kids come first. A transitional emotional journey. Learning if you know you know ❤

Out of law school, I had a clerkship with a trial court judge and witnessed proceedings for termination of parental rights. It went on for several days. It was horrible and heartbreaking, especially because the father was contesting it. I still remember him on the stand talking about how he would care for his daughter, where they would live. He explained to the court that he was not at the proceedings the whole time because he could only get so much time off of work but that his absence from the courtroom wasn't a reflection on his lack of interest in his daughter, but the opposite. The TPR went through. This was about 16 years ago and I still wonder about that family and hope that they were all able to find some peace. My judge also had the adoptions docket. Thinking about those still brings tears to my eyes, the joy and the love and the belonging.

Thank goodness ya’ll can stay together. Good work! Prayers for all y’all need. 🙏

I think if we heard the stories of the parents we'd learn just how often a family is ripped apart for no reason. Truth is, some children desperately need saving. Some are failed & lose their lives; other times, they are saved from a terrible fate and sent to incredible foster homes. Then there's a massive number of children who were never abused or harmed but ended up on a broken system, never going home again - causing emotional damage that last a lifetime.

Thank you. We have our young nephew. He was placed with us in an emergency. There's no giving him back to foster care as we are his family and we do love him and are willing to keep him, but as reunificatiom seems to get more impossible, it is a lot to process. What you thought your family and life would be like is now changed and that's a lot. It's hard to show that mental process as well when everyone around you keeps asking when you'll be able to adopt him.

You are helping so many families Thank you

I learn so much from these. Thank you so much for sharing.

You are such a kind soul.

I was adopted young like 2 or 3. When I was 10 i found out I had little siblings, I meant them. They got taken out of the house for my little brother waking up to our mom on the floor at 3 with no food yet. We fostered them. For around 1 year and a half, maybe. We all agreed on adopting them. The mom lost rights. And sadly our mom died...it was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me personally. My adoptive parents were there in my room everyday. It took 2 weeks to come out again. Finally we adopted the kids. My gosh was it a hard process. It's not easy.

There is a lot of grief in adopting or fostering. Some people gain children, others lose them, the kids often go through this multiple times, leaving a bio parent for foster then foster for bio or a replacement. This type of grief when chosen by foster parents is so selfless. I love that you're taking the time to show that these things may have a silver lining but they're a very difficult, confusing journey for everyone and each feeling deserves recognition. 💞

I am so blessed to have friends who respond like this

This is so hard because, even when parents can F up beyond anything compared, there are children who have undying loyalty and hope for their parent(s) and will want to go home regardless. Sometimes even because the foster 'parents' are worse and are not this educated, lovely, loving and warm person like this beautiful lady. I wish my husband had met someone like this woman.

It’s crazy how real this is, I expect to be so happy at TPR. But honestly my heart was broken.

It's always sad when the foster family is actually gleeful. We pray every day for my kiddos absent father to get better and come back into his life. Kids so need their families and losing that hurts even when it wasn't healthy.

You are so good at what you do. Your energy is perfect for this. .

Thank you for showing this side of foster parent.

I mean no disrespect when I say this I was a foster child myself and no matter how much I cared about my foster parents I still wanted to be a "normal kid with a normal family " a parent losing their rights is a complicated emotional minefield for a child

I just absolutely love the fact that you make these videos and how much education and awareness you’re spreading!❤❤❤❤

Even if parents arent fit for the children, its still heartbreaking to have to face that legally. Kids still want things to work out with their parents most of the time, even if they do resent them. A broken family is heartbreaking. There should be space to grieve for the family that didnt work out.

Made me so tearful, it's the right way to respond to many many things xxxx

even when it’s totally deserved, it probably still isn’t something anyone involved is likely to celebrate. when my stepsisters’ mum lost parental rights it was a huge relief because she was so difficult to deal with (she was an alcoholic, constantly missing visits, wouldn’t let my stepdad finalize the divorce, harassed my mum, etc etc etc) but it wasn’t a cause for celebration because it was still a really shitty situation, yknow? and it came as a surprise-after so much time fighting in court (both so that my sisters didn’t have to see her if they didn’t want to & so my stepdad could actually get divorced and marry my mum), always getting delayed because she just wouldn’t show up, eventually the judge (?) got sick of it and all of a sudden terminated parental rights and iirc she hadn’t even come to court that day

This makes me so sad. I already knew that this happens, but seeing this video just reminds me how terrible of a situation it is for a family to be broken apart.

Wow her responses are so good. I would never have known what to say. We have an adopted son. He 45 years old and he’s been with us since he got off the plane from Korea 44 years ago

Such a sad thing for the children and the parents. I can only imagine the feelings the foster parents experience when this happens.

Completely upsetting for the child to feel that. I'm so glad you are speaking on these topics. Honestly, lots of these examples would never have occurred to me simply because of a lack of experience.

I didn't know what TPR was. I might have reacted like your friend. There's so much to learn and understand. How heartbreaking

I honestly love the bonds created by adoption, because if they are real, they will be stronger than anything.

The beautiful, insightful sensitivity of this.

These videos are so enlightening and helpful. Learning about fostering is foreign concept for most people. Your focused care makes Core memories for the innocent and vulnerable.

Before this: TPR? What is that? 🤨❓ After this: Oh, f*ck. It is heavy.

In the long run… TPRs are a blessing for most children.

All contact with parents is gone. How sad is that. Think about it, the kiddos will never see their parent/s again (even if the kiddies were abused). Hope the kids have a wonderful life.

I was old enough to attend my Mother’s Day in court many years ago 1984 ish . Ended up being sent out of state to be adopted as a teenager.. My mom wrote me a letter and enclosed the court document Every once in awhile I reread it Decades later it hits different and I grieve for my mothers loss not so much my own.. but the kids go through it don’t let anybody sugarcoat adoption like happily ever after This content is on point when the foster parents deeply care .

That's what happened to me, all my fault...it was 6 years ago...and not a day goes by that I don't think about it, and feel really shitty. I hope for my three kids to be okay, safe, and loved. When everything happens to you, and you are all alone...I wish I would have seen your vlogs...2 more years before I can get in touch with my son...4 more years until I can get in touch with my oldest daughter..and 10 more years until I can get in touch with my youngest...I'm so sad...for us all...I've even moved to another state, because where they are they won't give in...

It's difficult. For every case where a flawed, but fundementally decent parent gets caught up in a bad situation and the kids get removed, there's a case or possibly multiple where there's intentional neglect and/ or abuse. The children get removed for their safety and reunification is not in their best interests. The overriding principle for all foster, adoptive and kinship carers, as well as social services and other professionals should be the best interests of the child. Make decisions in their best interests and you can't go far wrong. If you let other considerations, namely parental rights where they conflict with the child's interests, skew your focus you will make bad, potentially disastrous decisions.

I was in my second foster home with another girl when that family just woke us up for christmas, gave us our christmas PJs, and then gave her the phone suddenly so that her mom could tell her that her christmas gift was that she was going to now be adoptable! (TPR) AS HER CHRISTMAS GIFT. Then the foster mom came in (I was terrified I was next) and tried to celebrate with this girl. We were like 7-8years old. Very confusing and I think about that moment often and how scared she must have been. I wish I was an adult then so that I could have helped her in some way other than just sitting on my bed watching her life fall apart christmas morning.

One of the hardest moments in my friend's foster-to-adoption journey was the day the kids learned that Grandma didn't want them. Her refusing to take them meant my friend could adopt the kids she loved so much and permanently unite them with their newborn brother who was adopted out immediately. But it CRUSHED those kids. And the parents respected that. They didn't celebrate, they didn't even talk about adoption at that point. They let the kids grieve and they grieved with them

This really is a case by case situation it seems from reading these comments. I'm really grateful for these videos bc they're so informative and the comments provide even more indepth info too.

You are such a great example for all kinds of situations!

People often don't realize that while foster care is unimaginably difficult for the children, and they need priority support. The parents who foster these kids also need support! Its a very big emotional/mental responsibility to take on, and the parents should have someone to support them as well. Like how first responders and mental health workers provide support for other people, but it would only make sense that they also have a supportive loved one or counselor to help them out as well! Whether you are the carer or the individual being cared for, it is a big challenge for both sides and both should have the right support.

I LOVE that you emphasize that a foster child has/had biological parents and you EMPATHIZE (when appropriate) with the bios and consider their feelings as well. Ya know, a lot of people see the bios as scumbags (for lack of a better term). Yes, they made a series of bad decisions but that doesn't mean they don't love their children. Those people, obviously, have issues and are given opportunities & resources to help resolve those issues to get their children back. Sometimes the bios accept the helping hand and sometimes the parents are too overwhelmed with whatever the roadblock is, and don't accept the help or comply and unfortunately lose their children. I worked for an agency and I've seen both kinds of parents and sometimes it's a beautiful and touching reunion and you're filled with hope and other times you just want to grab the bio by the hair (jk jk) and walk them through the process step by step and sometimes you just are relieved for the child to be in a healthier, happier & more supportive environment.