a memory came rushing to me while watching this. i must have been less than three because of the caregiver in the memory. i was TERRIFIED of the vacuum. the lady tied a head scarf around it and named it "missus dusty". it must have slowed down her day FOREVER, but she had me turn on and turn off the vac MYSELF over and over. every time we turned it off we would say "shush missus dusty"......kindness takes TIME. i can't imagine having the patience that woman did.....

i'm nowhere near the point in my life where i would be taking care of kids but i'm still watching for the future because this is all such helpful and compassionate advice!

I remember being terrified of sleeping. The thought of not being in control of dreaming was awful. I stayed up all night with lights on. School blamed it on me. Nobody ever wondered why. Then I developed selective mutism, had seizures. Got detention.

My older foster just had a a self harm and awol at my home. While I did have to go “hands on” along with the sheriff to keep the child from getting into the highway and they said terrible, hurtful things to me I remained calm. The behavior was completely out of character and nothing like the usual, kind behavior. I did not take it personally and just jumped into action to keep them safe so they could get to the hospital. By the time I met them in the ER, they were calm and sad. No hateful words or flailing. They are at a time of transition and sabotage is very common. Take it one day at a time and keep leading with love and communication.

One thing I would like to add (especially for the older kids) is don't be condescending! Don't treat them like a little kid just because they aren't acting "normal"

I'm 24 and dont plan to have kids of my own. I didnt even consider fostering but your videos are so healing to the inner child in me that just needed compassion and respect. And maybe one day, if I feel I can handle the responsibility, I may even offer respite or something along those lines. Maybe even fostering if my work life balance is suitable. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with rhe world

Thank you a lot for this! As a traumatized adult, it helps me feel validated and let go of some of the guilt that was imposed onto me as 'why didnt you say clearlier/ show more obvious that something was the matter?' Since there are so many ways a child can express this, more openly or not, and all of them are valid, i dont feel anymore as if i (who tried to hide it) behaved wrongly

I was abused for 12 years before I finally ran away at 14. I was caught and put in the system. I got moved around a lot. They said it was because I was “hard to place”. I remember I was so angry and scared at the same time, all the time. I know I was difficult to have around. As an adult now, I realize that back then I was dealing with ptsd.

Everytime resources like this are made by experienced, wise and overseen advocates for caring for vulnerable children, you’re creating so much invaluable education for so many. Anyone who sees this content will be more equipped and notified of things to notice, look out for, and how to safely respond. It means less children having less harm each time someone is made aware, more adults who can meaningfully ease the transition between each stimuli in the world a vulnerable child may be responding to

oof i definitely was showing trauma symptoms as a baby - reportedly, i never cried, ever. and i definitely had dissociative episodes when i was between like 4 and 9, i would frequently just sort of “come to” in a place and have no idea why i was there or what was happening. i’d get scolded for “not paying attention” so i learned really quickly to try and figure it out on my own. now that i’m an adult i really want to be a foster parent so a child who’s been through trauma can be cared for by someone who understands and can help guide them through it. thanks for this video ❤

not me just learning how to interact with people in general

This helps me understand my behaviours more. I’m often criticised and yelled at for overreacting to situations and always screaming and crying and acting scared when nothing’s wrong, when being yelled at really scares me, and I always try to explain myself so that maybe I can be understood but I never really know the true reason for why I do things. It’s hard to be understood when you can hardly understand yourself.

Thank you so much for this information you provide us! As a future high school teacher, I hope to be as trauma-informed as possible in my practice, so thank you for sharing your experiences and knowledge! Keep up the amazing work and wishing your family all the best!💖

9:47 - I was not prepared to hear that & I just sobbed like a baby. Thank you so much for doing what you do, Laura. You are the Mr. Rogers of our generation & I couldn't respect you more. May God bless you.

My daughter and son in law are both 30 years old. They haven't been able to have children so far so they decided they want to start being a shelter for kids in need through the foster care program. They start classes soon. I immediately thought of you when she told me they were going to be foster parents. I told her about your channel and told her if they would watch your videos together they would learn so much valuable information. I'm so excited for them! Thank you for all you do! Have a wonderful week! God bless! ☺️

Thank you for mentioning regression. I suffer from PTSD(Not from Foster care but other life events) and no one really understands what it means, They just view it as immaturity than understanding it's a trauma response and that children need love and support. not punishment.

I love your videos! Kids are learning how to live. Trauma is a learned experience, not to be "undone," but we can help kids get through the effects.

I tear up watching your videos and am so thankful there are foster parents like you out there. I aspire to have myself and my home and my finances ready to one day do the same. ❤❤❤

I always appreciate these videos even if I'm a few years away from being able to be a foster parent. I had a high school teacher who specifically fostered older kids/teens, and he talked very openly about his experiences as a foster parent and he was big for advocating for shared rule making. He said that there were only two hard and fast house rules "no riding on motorcycles" and "anything injected must be administered by health care professional or prescribed by one". I'm forgetting the exact wording he used, but he said that those were the only two rules that he insisted on always having in place because of just how dangerous they were. Other stuff he thought that it was important to give the teen some independence and sense of control. He also had a drawer with stuff like condoms and other risk reduction tools for the kids that he and his partner always kept fully stocked.

I have trauma from foster parents even though I was never in foster care. One of my sisters was for a short time, and my mother was. The woman who foster cared for my sister is a judgmental bully and spends a lot of time on FB. It was about 30 years ago I first met her and it's always been unplesant. She's still trying to add me to FB. My mothers last foster family has done a lot of damage. Too much to type out. It all ties together and was very traumatic all my life. Back when I was a child in the 80's and 90's it was okay to bully children if you were an adult. Things were much different.

I'd be curious to hear about spotting the differences between trauma and neurodivergence, especially since some of the things you mentioned (particularly for younger kids) are also things you'd see in autistic kids even without any trauma. Hitting/screaming/biting can be a result of a meltdown from overwhelm, autistic people of all ages often have flat affect, autistic kids tend to play differently (both with toys and with other people), extended bedwetting is a common issue, difficulty eating is common due to sensory issues, being extra sensitive to loud noises is also common, etc.

Laura, You are golden, a gifted teacher. Maybe you can train foster parents or teach at the college level. Your experience, wisdom and compassion are truly needed. Gif bless you!🙏🏼❣️

Laura!!! I do wish i would have had this video when I was teaching. Information like this would have been so helpful! You’re awesome!

Not me realizing how my whole childhood was traumatizing. Ty for your videos it's really healing

I wish I had an adult like you in my life as a child. You seem like an amazing, necessary influence.

I would love to have any tips or advice for my own child (13). Parenting at different ages is soooo hard for different reasons and it feels like you've got so much useful information!

THANK YOU this video is specifically helpful for me right now

Waiting in my first referral and between excited and anxious. I’m hoping for a respite referral to start with hopefully. Your videos has really helped me. Thank you so much ❤

Someone gave me your channel tonight and wow, blown away. I am not a foster parent but your videos are great for all moms. esp pregnant moms to allieve anxiety.

I want to thank you for what you do. You are ethical. So many people get into fostering for the wrong reasons. I wish more people understood that the number one goal of fostering is reunification, _not_ adoption 🖤 Thank you, for going above and beyond.

Thank you, Laura, for your mission.

So I am case manager. I don't work with foster parents but with family members that take children in. I am going to share this video with some of them.

It's really useful, thank you so much for your videos.

A lot of the symptoms of trauma are also autism related characteristics. Really important to ensure this is kept in mind. Many parents are unfairly accused of abuse/neglect because of this 🙋🏻‍♀️. Glad mine are fully diagnosed and appropriately supported. Heavy handed head teachers who feel self entitled and don’t have all the facts (as well as other figures with authority) can cause a lot of harm in early years.

I truly admire you and you give me hope, not only for a change in the foster care system, but for my future as a potential foster parent. I’ve never wanted to have a biological child (likely medical issues if I were to be pregnant), but I’d love to give a welcoming and supportive home to a kid needing support. I’m not currently in a place to foster, but I want to be like you once I’m out of school and in a financially stable situation. Thank you so much.

I peep a lot of Elephant and Piggie books! (I’m a librarian. Sometimes it really shows.)

I explain loud noises a lot. Last night there were a couple of random fireworks. We joked about how it was too late for the 4th of July and started guessing other silly holidays they might be celebrating.

Thank you. There is a huge lack of content explaining this stuff!!

Question: how can I handle an abusive mother in law who might call CPS if she feels like she can't control us to her liking? My husband and I want to foster, but my mother in law is mentally unstable, emotionally and financially abusive, and very wealthy. She recently threatened to call CPS on my very stable and loving BIL and SIL if they didn't let her be heavily involved in raising their future children. She has lied to CPS, APS, and various authorities before and ruined people's lives in her church group and in the family. (She was recently kicked out of her church for her inappropriate conduct with youth group children, trying to turn their parents against them, texting children, and violating many rules). She never gets in any real trouble for anything because she is insanely wealthy. I have no contact with my family, but we still live close to my in-laws. We would be ready to foster now, but I've been concerned I might have to move 5 or 10 states over to protect the children from my mother in law. My husband just has a really great job here. Can I talk to CPS during interviews about how insane this woman is? She has no criminal record, but there are people in the community they could interview. She absolutely would spread heinous lies about us if she isn't allowed to control (AKA abuse) the children. She has done this with other family members including her own bother and she has a history of stalking. Is it possible for CPS to require no contact? Is there any chance that I could be disqualified from fostering because I have a psycho mother in law? I DO NOT want to expose these children who already have trauma to my MIL. She could do so much more damage and I wouldn't feel like it's an emotionally safe situation to have her in their lives. She also feels like she's special and bends the rules so I KNOW that she would intentionally break fostering rules with the children. She gets a kick out of being above the rules

Hi Laura, as a retired teacher of grades 1-6, I really appreciate your videos! You are a WEALTH of great information, and I think your videos should be required for not just foster parents but teachers as well! This may sound crazy, but for the past few weeks, I swear I am seeing YOU at the very beginning of the commercial for Six Flags Hurricane Harbor. If it isn't you, it is your identical twin or doppelganger!! I see the ad all the time whenever I am watching Hulu, if that helps any.

Laura, I *love* your vids. You’re such a force of good in the world! If you’re comfortable with it, I’d love to see a video about your background (whatever is relevant & you’re ok with sharing, obvi) and how you came to be a foster parent. Did you go to school for psychology or similar, or did you learn as much as you have along the way? So curious about this. Sending love your way and thanks again! 💗

This video is so helpful and its wonderful to see the unconditional care you demonstrate for your foster kids Laura. I'm wondering how you've dealt with situations where one child is negatively affecting other children in the home (e.g. they exhibit aggressive behaviour which makes other children very fearful). I'm not sure how many children you foster at once / whether you consider this when accepting placements but I imagine it would be very difficult when you have competing trauma responses in different kids.

Awesome video as always! I'd love to know what each item on that menu of choices is (bubble video, etc.). Is there a video on that?

Laura I understand how to help with children’s fears, but can you please address house destruction and physical violence towards others, I feel like I’m already doing such a good job validating and being kind and patient and I’m at a loss here :,(

Hey Laura! Love your videos. I’m curious, what age range of children have you fostered?

one thing that i found from watching a video on how cops and stuff interview kids is to ask "you said x tell me more" questions because a lot of the times adults ask very specific questions right away and dont get a good picture of the story and its overwhelming for a kid to answer a million questions and maybe not the ones that they want rather than just say what they have to say kzfaq.info/get/bejne/bdOpZLdlrM7KZ3U.htmlsi=t4Bypej5VlOMrkmG this is the video btw

Excellent!

God Bless You Laura ❤

I want to add that kids with sexual trauma may be sexually reactive and/or struggle to understand healthy boundaries. Younger kids may not understand “private” parts. Older kids may dress and act provocatively or engage in risky sexual behaviors. Other kids may have the opposite reaction, hiding their body or being unhygienic as a defense (I.e. if I gain weight, wear baggy clothes and dont bathe then I’ll be less desirable to bad people)

Oh boy, this one had me in tears at the end. I'm 44 but I want a do-over where you are my mom, okay?

I know this is a little outside of your "normal" videos, but could you do one on the trauma caused on the family and other children in the home by the foster child? Before my daughter was finally diagnosed with autism, she had awful behaviors, and while it was extremely hard for her, it was also difficult for the rest of the family. She is much better and more able to function now, but I still find myself reacting with my own trauma response and have to calm myself down in order to help her.

I have a question. What can be considered trauma, or what do people consider things that are trauma inducing? Not trying to be rude with this question, I’m genuinely curious. Mainly for myself, but also just general knowledge.

I am 16 and very much traumatised. The main things I noticed in myself is 1, I really struggle to sleep. In general I have a lot of nightmares and if I'm not somewhere familiar no matter how tired I am I simply cannot sleep. I also really hate people being anywhere near me. Not sure how noticeable it is but even people walking past me makes me uncomfortable. But especially if someone were to come and sit on the sofa next to me or touch me, I think it becomes decently noticeable. I keep looking at them or they hand or whatever is touching me, go very small and huddled up, barely move, don't really talk, my only focus is on them. And their body at that. Shouting triggers a lot of stuff, I will literally be shaking sometimes and people moving whether that's reaching out to grab something, adjusting themselves to be more comfortable, whatever if they move their arms and I'm not focusing 101% on them even if they are several meters away I will flinch. Also in what should be really stressful and hard to cope with situations, I laugh. I laugh a lot and actually completely fine. Oh and I'll ask to do anything. Go to the bathroom, get a glass of water, snacks, food, put something down, anything. And if it's somewhere I am not extremely familiar with I won't really move around or anything. I feel like I should be asking to simply reposition myself

Laura, do you have a video about what to do when the kiddos ask you if you can adopt them or if they start calling you “mom” or other parental name?

I would love to hear any tips you may have specifically for younger children who have disabilities who have experienced trauma pls

great video! do you have a link to the chart you showed at 6:32?

I noticed you had quite a few packets on your bulletin board of paperwork. Do those each represent a child with your family?

What if one of your older/younger kids that you are fostering pee the bed would you make them wear a diaper/pull up? What if thay want to wear a diaper or a pull up?

Man, when will I meet an autistic person who isn’t traumatized even as a child…

WELCOME BACK TO YOUR FAVOURITE GAMESHOW: ✨ PTSD OR AUTISM ✨ So many of the signs of trauma in little kids can also be a sign of autism! Even things like gastrointestinal issues!! Flat affect? Not crying or crying too much? Then again a majority (I think 60+%?) of people with autism also have PTSD so..

I'm 19 seconds in and preparing for some interesting revelations about my childhood tbh

Cool 😎 🆒️ 🕊

I agree with a lot of this, but not the 'don't punish bad behaviours'. If I had a kid in my house that was physically violent, with me or others for example, even if there's trauma behind it, there WILL be consequences. Because in the adult world if they did something like that they'd be facing very serious consequences for those actions which could include a rap sheet that could follow them their entire lives. And I just want the kids in my care (which atm are purely hypothetical) to learn that there are consequences to their actions while they're safe with me. They'll never learn to function properly in the adult world if they don't learn that.

MINLEALIAL Community Educator Amber loves your videos 📹 ❤️ 🕊 🦄 🐈 🪷 ♡☆♧♡☆♧♡☆♧

I’m sorry for bothering you, but what would you do if a foster (kid/teen) is struggling with SH (S3lf h@rm) or suc!d3 thoughts? Thank you… I myself am not a foster parent… but these videos always make we want to foster parents and I feel like a video about (what I listed above) would be really helpful to some, thank you for your time :)