What I take away from this video is that the unfaithful is not in love with two people but with themselves. This behavior is not love.

This is really good advice! Betrayed please hear this clearly! Trust, I’m feeling extremely empowered with my spouse out of the house because it sets a boundary that says “I’m not chasing you or checking up on your every move!” It’s No longer about you.. but about me; my healing, my happiness and my healthiness. You may come and go as you please, but you won’t do it here! And you certainly can’t text me & call me everyday seeking my attention... because you won’t get it!

This is exactly what i am going through right now. My spouse had his affair partner pregnant. He says he wants to make this marriage work, but all i see are empty words with no effort to make this work at all. We are living separately now, and he told me he is done with me and that i make sure to take care of our child. That was our last conversation. So tired of the push and pull though. You are right.

This video really laid out my boundriness approach. From all kinds of directions, I was feeling guilty for wanting them. It helps to hear from the Unfaithfuls side that yes, it's a need even if the I'm hearing that I'm making life too unreasonable.

I stayed 9 days after discovery. She asked to separate and 1 day later a divorce. I should’ve left after a 1 min discussion. The thought of her giving her heart a someone 30 years in her past, was to much to bear. It’ll take time to move on, but knowing she moved on, while married to me, is enough to close the book on our 27 year marriage.

So true!!’ My husband has been so confused for over three years now because of his affair. Back and forth between me and his affair partner. It has killed me and both our families.

First off, I want to thank you again for these vlogs that you do for us. These are one of the few things that I believe helps me keep my sanity throughout this ordeal. This topic is where I am in my marriage right now with my wife going to be with her affair partner when I'm at work and her having him at my house when I'm away on a business trip for 5 days at a time. It is difficult for me to draw the boundaries that need to be drawn, especially since we have a 6 month old son together. But I do agree that boundaries need to be put in place, and I have already started that process by getting a lawyer and getting divorce paperwork drawn up.

Amén My husband has been confused whether to choose me (his wife) or affair partner and I cannot believe I found this video

Adding his bipolar to this scenario has me struggling so much. Thank you for the info. I needed to hear this. I know he loves us both. It is a nightmare. Our children keep me grounded.

Thank you. This is where I am, and she is not interested in getting help. I am taking care of myself, and it is time for boundaries. Just learned a week ago that the 'friendship' continues. No care or concern for me in all this, 10 months of hell, but life goes on as pretend normal, which it is not by any means. This is very useful.

hi samuel.. what if the betrayed spouse wont commit? i mean he didnt want to commit to the marriage nor is he leaving the unfaittful spouse? how would we go about that?

My husband of 34 years told me he was in love with someone else 4 months ago. He had a 3 yr affair with her. At first he wanted to bring her home and have me be friends with her and he said he'd no longer have a sexual relationship with her. I said "NO WAY"! In a nutshell, it took him one month to completely cut it off with her. Now, he seems to have totally committed to me and us, but it's a roller coaster ride, and I am dealing with extreme swings on feeling it'll work out to feeling much grief and despair. How do we recover by ourselves, because we have no money at all for any counseling, and he wouldn't go to one anyway. He is now telling me to not worry and everything will be ok and he loves me so much. On the other hand, he says he doesn't really regret the affair because I think he feels it was such a "connection" and that it must've been serious and intensely beautiful to him. He misses her, and at the same time, he says he loves me more and will never ever leave me. The story is much longer and more involved, of course. I want to move forward in healing. Help!

Yeah that's what I was going through now I said no more I move to another room in the house I cook whenever I feel like I stopped doing his laundry clean after him. He lies to me so much I don't know what to believe anymore.

So relatable

When I caught her cheating I moved out for 3 years and returned to a lonely spouse & a son who needed his dad, then she pissed me off again and I moved out for another 4 years stopping by every weekend to pickup my son.

I left. I’m on the opposite coast. Don’t know if she’s still with her now 22year old affair partner, who has an illegal girlfriend, and was kicked out the group house. Don’t care. Don’t care if she’s struggling to live in one of the most expensive cities in the country, on one income, the affair partner doesn’t work. He was a food truck worker. Don’t care what she’s going through. Her choice. She made her bed.

It's the same woth porn, back and forth between me and the imaginary woman. It's excruciating.

Great video. Is there a video on when the unfaithful does end up having a child with the AP? I’m dealing with this now and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever faced in my life. I know it’s also hard for him because he wants to be a good father to the child but he will now have contact with his AP forever. We tried to work it out after I first found out, set boundaries ect, then He cheated with her again and I got no explanation why other than it was a mistake. I don’t know how I can even begin to deal with that myself. Even though he still says he wants to save our family and relationship.

Nope. If she doesn’t want me from d-day, it is done. It’s proof that she holds no value in me.

What if everything is so blatantly open and I have a child and my child is being used as that circle back for her my greatest fear is another man gets around my son so she knows that and uses that to be at my home to watch my son and be here for my son.... So I'm here on my weekend off spending a day as a married couple get home and she pretty ups to leave to go out with affair partner for night till next morning as I'm going to work .

Any advice? I set boundaries about the emotional affair my husband was having and he left 9 months ago. Ofcourse after it became physical the affair ended. I’ve always maintained I forgive him and want to restore our marriage but he still hasn’t decided and says ‘counseling is not for him’. What’s my next boundary? I feel like we’re running out of options.

What does it mean when my unfaithful spouse said that he is wanting to find himself and he wish he is single again not because he wanted to be in a different relationship but because he wanted to find himself again. Because he made the wrong choice to be in an affair. Yet he is not willing to seek professional help.

Hello Samuel. I am suspect my spouse has had an emotional affair but consistently denies it. I have encountered much evidence to make me believe so, such as inappropriate text messages, pictures sent and received, various complements from lady in question to my spouse, change of intimacy, and change in spouse's behavior. My observation tells me we are in the phase described in this video but every time I bring it up, it brings us further apart. I feel if we separate in order to encourage more committment he will fornicate...I'm so perplexed. What should I do?

What about if this is how the betrayed partner is feeling. How do I as an unfaithful partner who wants desperately to save our marriage, deal with my betrayed partner who hasn't committed either way after 7 months. It feels like records purgatory.

What about if my spouse left me and still denies he has somebody else and everything points to that

So what if it is a scenario as you described where the affair partner is pregnant? And your spouse has chosen to be with her instead?

Do you have a video about the 1st scenario where unfaithful spouse gets the affair partner pregnant and you are trying to save the marriage?

What should you do if you find out that the affair partner has over 30 alias and you are really worried that they have a hidden agenda and possibly your spouse is in on it?

Thank you so much for the video. My husband admitted he has another woman that he likes but only platonic so far. However she is not unimportant to her and he wants to continue the relationship in case our marriage doesn't work. He wants to give it 6 months. Our marriage is not in a good place right now. But I want to make it better. Do you think I should just ignore the relationship?

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hey i cheated eight years ago on my husband he now found out one month now ive tried every thing. i told him everything he ask but like nothing i say or do is helping i just dont know any more. im so tired he left for a while to clear his head but we spoke but no change what can i do. i love my husband it was so long ago and i never did it again.