Why the Betrayed Spouse Wants to Be Chosen by Their Unfaithful Spouse

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Күн бұрын

Samuel has a heart to heart with the unfaithful spouse about choosing their partner.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.

Пікірлер: 80

@justagirljean1111 4 жыл бұрын

I think it’s so sad that I have to be - or feel like I need to be ‘chosen’ again by my cheating husband.

@leelu2274 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, how can you avoid feeling like a desperate loser wanting him to chose you? He already chose another woman over you and/your feelings once. Which makes a person feel inadequate, worthless, flawed, broken. So you are waiting for them to show you that you're a priority, and when they dont, you are ashamed that you want that from a person that destroyed you, self hate starts to cement itself deep inside. Logically, if they caused all of this pain and don't want to do the work to repair, you should leave and find someone else. The fact I am here, the one person who didn't intentionally do something that I knew could destroy the relationship, really should carry a lot of weight. How could I possibly bring myself to chase after some one who already rejected me and through their actions showed me I don't measure up, and not feel like a pathetic waste of life?

@jmcrjc6799 2 жыл бұрын

Same here I am the betrayed husband it feels the same way to me I am like really 😒

@brinselyseven5530 Жыл бұрын

@@leelu2274 I don't think they chose the affair partner. I think an unfaithful spouse chooses themselves a lot of times. They are so self-absorbed with how they feel in limerence, they just want to keep feeling good, even at the expense of loved ones. They don't really care if it wrecks their AP either. I think waiting on them to "choose you," is really waiting on them to choose anything other than themselves.

@Sharononp 4 ай бұрын

@@brinselyseven5530 This is important insight. Thank you!!

@carolj7586 4 жыл бұрын

Nobody needs to choose me. I choose me. I dont need unfaithful men in my life

@katiebr 4 жыл бұрын

I can understand this, I’ve been betrayed but my husbands emotional affair, I’m super devastated, getting better one day at the time.. but I feel what you’re saying, I’m the one mad, pushing, asking for divorce, hurt and asking what he wants, I feel I’m doing all the work and he does nothing!! It’s time now to leave him alone, maybe even ignore and work on myself as I’ve been doing ! Gosh but is so hard! I cry every single day, I pray God will take away my pain! Thanks again!

@kiara324 2 ай бұрын

Katie I’m going through this right now. 5 months from DDay. I see you commented on this 4 years ago. Tell me it gets better 😭😭😭

@honey-feeney9800 Жыл бұрын

My ex filed to divorce me within one week of discovery of affair. He chose quickly. They’re married and seem happy. I’m grateful he cut me loose. It was tremendously difficult . it’s tremendously unfair when OW steps into the life you built but that’s what the law allows .

@ldpayne10 5 жыл бұрын

I wanted to feel cherished. You can make a choice and choose something you don't really cherish. When you cherish something you treat it differently. You care for it, you're gentle with it, you protect it, you take an interest in it. That took a lot of time for my husband to understand that concept. God gave him wisdom and understanding eventually and I'm so thankful. It felt like I was being held against my own will in my marriage after discovery. I wanted out but God told me no. I fought with God a lot about why he would keep me in a marriage with someone who would hurt me so deeply and was so distant and cold. I'm so glad I obeyed! I had so many things God needed to workout in me through this process. This was the launching pad to my own self discovery and recovery. My husband is doing his recovery and is even leading step studies now at Celebrate Recovery. Our marriage is better than any marriage I could have imagined and our walk with God is stronger than ever. Thank you AR for your help too. In your class for unfaithful's is where he realized he had an addiction and first came out of denial. It was his first real step toward recovery.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

thanks so much for the insight Leah. you're exactly right, being cherished is huge and vital. thank you again for sharing.

@lisa1967ish 5 жыл бұрын

You hit the nail on the head, again! My SO pursued the other woman with words of affirmation, time and affection. I feel, since discovery, he just wants us to go back to "normal". Which, btw, is nonsensical to me since isn't that what lead to the affair to begin with? I find myself, as the betrayed, pursuing him. Almost a desperate plea to please choose me. It leaves me feeling more ashamed and unwanted. Especially if I feel the same effort isn't being reciprocated. Thank you for your videos. They always seem to have perfect timing for me. What you do is so important to so many of us.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

thanks so much my friend. means a ton you'd take time to encourage me. thank you and i'm so sorry for the pain you're navigating through.

@cheetah0611 2 жыл бұрын

When going thru the divorce I made him an apology tree and wrote an apology letter. Years later I realize it was too soon. I didn’t learn enough or get any clarity on how I was feeling. It has been 5 years since he decided to divorce. 3 yrs since it was final. I went to therapy and I still watch and read a lot about infidelity. I want to learn the psychology behind it. He hasn’t spoken to me in years & I am the betrayed.he has no clue how much I changed or the work I put into it. I do want to say thank you for continuing to do these videos they help me learn and I appreciate that xoxo

@anujtaya8085 Жыл бұрын

you are a good person

@sinays3446 5 жыл бұрын

Sadly, this sounds just like us! It has been nine weeks since he said he wanted our marriage and returns home but now, I just “wasn’t getting over it” and “wouldn’t let it go” and so while I was gone to be with a grieving friend for the weekend, he contacted his affair partner and moved out. He actually said that he prayed about it, read the Bible, and sought counsel at church and this is what God has for them. He holds it against me that I filed divorce papers the first time he moved out and told our friends and family that we were divorcing and why. I didn’t trash him, but the truth “he has been cheating with K (a friend and my employee, that we included in our family) and moved in with her” was considered “dragging his name through the mud.” I thought about sending this video to him, but the truth is that I am done. I feel God has released me by revealing that my husband wasn’t working on our marriage at all, and is untrustworthy. Thank you for the videos and the bootcamp and your lovely work. God bless.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

i'm so sorry for the pain you're in. it certainly appears he is done and that it's best for you to move on and work on your own healing my friend. i'm proud of your bravery to heal and move forward.

@virginiamartinez3016 5 жыл бұрын

Your videos have helped me, im the betrayed and I feel like I'm be bullied into choosing my partner and I still see them with the affair partner.

@lesvickroy6537 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video. As usual it is spot on. As the unfaithful husband, I chose my wife and recovery early on, but gave her the space and time to make her own choice. Only a few months in, our marriage is stronger than ever. Our communication skills are better. Our commitment to each other and recovery is stronger. The road is still rocky, but we help each other now. Thank you again. Thanks to you guys I have been able to avoid the pitfalls you so often describe.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

thank you Les. so glad it's helped and you're doing so much better.

@labour_of_love_renovation85 5 жыл бұрын

What a courageous and humble husband.

@CHICKENLIFE336 8 ай бұрын

I have watched a bunch of your videos. This was is golden.

@shirleyardon1142 4 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for all the information it has help me a lot

@marge3157 5 жыл бұрын

Because his actions are saying he is doing the work (huge turnaround from before) and has been for a few months. Problem is he has NEVER come clean with what he has done. Even though I feel like I know enough, he has denied everything. His actions are speaking louder than words but dammit I need answers. I am doing recovery work and he isn't. I feel like I am carrying the load!

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

i'm sorry hallie. i get it, i really do.

@n3rdpl0w 5 жыл бұрын

Much needed!! It’s been over a year now and my wife still doesn’t care! She doesn’t want me to chose her or she doesn’t want to chose me and doesn’t care to get expert help or think she did anything wrong. She was the unfaithful one. Could I been a better husband yes are there areas I could of been better at, yes! But going outside of our vows wasn’t the answer! I’m still emotional train wreck! I love her still. Why as betrayed spouse do I still want her? I could forgive her but idk how that feels...

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

Brendan, i'm sorry for the pain brother. it sounds like you need help for you. have you been able to find any support for your own healing? you want her as she's your wife and you have time spent with her and you want the best for her and for you. but you can't make someone want to get healthy and you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. what have you been doing for your own healing and peace of mind?

@kevinkennett7474 3 жыл бұрын

This is exactly my situation with my unfaithful wife too. It sucks. We have been together for 36 years.

@anujtaya8085 Жыл бұрын

Forgive her and start caring for her. She needs your help she wont say it but she needs it if you trruely love her just make her feel special. please do thst

@mshangran5555 5 жыл бұрын

It's been 7 months since D-day. He first tried to tell me he wanted to allow his affair partner in life his a "just a friend", and when I refused, he finally dumped her after one month. No contact for 6 months now. I felt he chose me. Things seemed to be progressing in a relatively good fashion. Now, a couple of weeks ago, I told him that "I want him to be happy". He somehow jumped at the idea that I meant that it might be ok now if he contacted her and started the friendship thing going. NO NO NO!!! I clarified that in a big rage. I've controlled myself fairly well until then. Now that's past, and I'm just not sure about things. I'm terrified that he will eventually relapse. Yes, I really want to be CHOSEN. For real. For good. I don't think his root causes of the MANY affairs. Yes... MANY, have been addressed. He told me that he'd cheated on me for much of our 32 yr. marriage. (He told me himself. At least I didn't discover it on my own). He travels for work regularly every week and lead a double life unbeknownst to me. This last one he fell in love with. So of course there could be no 'friendship' there. I even wonder if he really feels deep down that he wished he would've chosen her. He said today that I'm the best wife any man could ever wish for and he's glad he's here with me. I'm confused.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

he needs help my friend. what expert help has he received or utilized? his track record proves he is not able to stop the behavior on his own.

@mshangran5555 5 жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast No expert help. I'm afraid you're right that he won't stop. I've thought a lot about his "why" on his affairs. I think he's like a woman-addict (love, approval, excitement) and his boundaries are much different than mine. His idea of a 'friend' is way different than mine. And when he says he wants a "life"...what "life really means is something separate from me (connections etc) and that we should be so called "open". Then, out of the other side of his mouth, he says he'll NEVER LEAVE ME, and he wants us to stay together and he wants me to say that I'll never leave him NO MATTER WHAT...which means that if things just get to be too much for me and I say I have to call it quits that he'll just say that I was the cause of a divorce. That's manipulation. I'm very afraid. He's a different breed of cat and he won't even so much as watch videos, never-mind expert help. I personally have watched MANY MANY MANY of your videos searching for advice.

@anujtaya8085 Жыл бұрын

Seems like he is happy because he is seeing her. Completely based on your observation.

@LutherPittman Жыл бұрын

It is hard when they are the unfaithful and after they're caught they still feel uncomfortable with being intimate, have sex, or even initiate. What do you do in that situation?

@anujtaya8085 Жыл бұрын

You take time start by doing small intimate gesture. be romantic and when get denied repeat they will eventually feel your efforts and will stop pulling back

@krisford288 5 жыл бұрын

It's been 2yrs...the first 6months were good and he was trying...then it all kinda went back to the way it was before .he thinks it's in the past and doesnt want to talk or hear about it anymore.....he did none of the promises ...never talks about emotions...leaves me feeling like it was all just to get me to stay then stopped....I'm ready to leave....he Is always unhappy...but he has lied a few more times so it's hard to trust him .wasnt to do with cheating but a lie just brings back all the other lies....should I just quit....

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

i think it is concerning he is doing what he's doing. if you're ready to leave, i think it may be time to consider a separation and let him feel what life is going to be like without you. also, it will be good for you to see if you're really ready to be done and if you're ready to handle life without him. maybe a 30 day separation or something along those lines? i would also consult an attorney so you know what your rights and boundaries are in terms of separation, custodial rights, etc. you need expert legal insight as well. if he then pursues you after you separate, i would then ask him to do something like our ems weekend before you go right back to living together and right back to the way things were. it's clear, you need expert help. you could also ask him to do the ems weekend, and if he won't then separate or file for divorce. what's clear is, you're very stuck and he's not showing any signs of being safe at all which is a huge red flag. i'm sorry friend.

@FatPug2024 5 жыл бұрын

Kris Ford I am going through the same thing. But I just found out a few months ago...marriage is hard work... I want to let go many many times but believe God is telling me not to. My husband is trying but the thorn in my heart is so deep. If you are hurting and feel he isn't trying well do you. Love yourself first and foremost. Do what your heart wants.

@krisford288 5 жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast thank you....will try to talk with him and see if he is willing to get infidelity help ..if not then the only thing left is separation...

@deedeebico6880 5 жыл бұрын

Mine called it old news and I needed to get over myself. He refused to talk about what happened. New information would pop up from time to time and the scars were ripped slap open. I found out he put her in our bed, she met his son, the sons fience, it was kept a secret, he brought her to his brothers and she met his Dad... when I found out all his sons friends new and nobody told me, I lost it, she may be gone but it was like having an elephant sitting in the middle of the living room. When something surfaces, To me it just happened because I was just told about it.... I walked away and have my own place now and he still wants me back, now he wants to move in here. No. After I see him it takes me days to calm down, and get the brick off my chest.....

@AxlKorsakov 5 жыл бұрын

Hey Samuel , these are points I can quickly think off the top of my head that could help get perspective to proactive unfaithful spouses. Makes feel chosen: - Quickly, intentionally and mindfully identify what things, aspects, actions, attitudes, words or anything is/are the things THE BETRAYED spouse feels is/was a lost by the unfaithful being or have done on/with the affair/AP. Maybe it is a special thing, something the betrayed considers special. Maybe is something that was more intense on the affair than on the marriage, or more frequent that. An unbalance that leads the betrayed to see and feel the affair/AP is/was actually been chosen instead. A gigantic paramount point I would like to emphasize is: Words are useless, ACTIONS matters. If there's no action, It'd better be NO words or promises whatsoever. These make the non-existent actions way, way worse. (Notice I stated 'te betrayed consider special, etc' I've seen so many times, people have the best 'with-all-of-their-love' intentions doing things THEY consider are special for the other person, yet these might not be the ones the other person is expecting. Very often it's not. ) - Say what you mean... - DO what you say... - EVER be condescending towards the person (other) who didn't care to step into another's family life shattering EVEN children' growth environment early on their life already. (Of course, my comment at this point is limited to some scenarios only. Hope it doesn't create unnecessary drama.) ...this is mainly my limited and own perspective/opinion. Thanks Samuel!

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

thank you for taking the time to add to the much needed discussion. means a ton my friend. appreciate your insight.

@AxlKorsakov 5 жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast literally...Anytime! You guys have deeply helped me and my wife, it's the least I could add in return. Thanks again. ...all the best from Paraguay.

@anthonylibasci2709 5 жыл бұрын

I (the unfaithful) have chosen her and I know that I always will, however how do I make sure that I show her that? I am doing my very best to be patient, remorseful, and take full responsibility for what happened. I just want it all to get better, I know that the timeline isn’t up to me or even her, it will be what it is, but it sucks. Discovery was 2 years ago, but was just swept under the rug, the actual dealing with it just started over a week ago, finally got to where she couldn’t pretend it’s not there anymore. During the previous time, I knew it was there but didn’t want to push it or even acknowledge that it was an underlying issue, but part of me is relieved that we are now dreaming with it so we can move passed it in time. She is my world

@johndenver9368 5 жыл бұрын

I was not chosen. She's gone now and with her affair partner. Is it wrong i hope it fails in epic fashion for them both??

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

not wrong at all. you can't stay there too long, but it's understandable for sure. i would start to work through the grief which will help diffuse the anger and start to move towards forgiveness as it's a gift for you not him. it's about setting yourself free....i'm sorry for the agony of it all.

@kevinkennett7474 3 жыл бұрын

Nope. I would feel the same way.

@anujtaya8085 Жыл бұрын

you are totally ok to feel that way

@nelliestillion283 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for posting. This is what I have been dealing with , I want him,to choose me that he wants me . but he always says he doesn't know what he wants. He isn't with his affair partner I know for a fact but I'm so scared that he is still doing things. Because he won't choose me. Won't tell me that he wants me when I want him.

@chloestars9206 5 жыл бұрын

Very informative discussion, give it time for her to choose you. Need counselling urgently.

@moniquehulbert3259 8 ай бұрын

My unfaithful, drug addicted in recovery doesn’t want to connect emotionally or physically unless he wants to. He says he doesn’t feel like it do to my daily talks.

@shaunabee 5 жыл бұрын

So where would I fall in this instance, being both the unfaithful and the betrayed? Or should I even try to apply this? My spouse isn’t choosing recovery work nor is he choosing me right now. No communication or intimacy due to “work stress”. Can I pull him out of this funk by “choosing him” or just stick to my side of the street? And yes, the rejection is gut wrenching. I feel at this point I might have blinders on, like I’m looking for something that isn’t there.

@Crystal-oi6ne 4 жыл бұрын

Hi Shauna! How are things?

@kmilli0313 4 жыл бұрын

Sounds like where I’m am with my wife right now. I had an addiction and cheated a couple times years ago. She just cheated and she doesn’t want to do much work and we feel super super distant and it is horrible. She doesn’t know what she wants and goes back and forth and she just works and works and works.

@brendaaragon771 5 жыл бұрын

Wow this couldn't come at a better time!! I've been so confused about what my husband really wants ? So I guess I have to send him this and see if he persues me?

@brendaaragon771 5 жыл бұрын

Let me also say i was quick to divorce him and as Feb 4 I divorced him but he know I still love him and wanting to still work it out!!

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

no, don't send it to him as you're still chasing him. you're still pursuing him and trying to get him to change by sending him this. simply pull back. no longer chase him or pursue him. let him feel the change on his own.

@jerryanddiannedennison5644 Жыл бұрын

Persue them. Choose them. Let them know that you are safe. Stand true to your vows. Don't push them. Let them choose you. Forcing them will not yield good results.

@organizedgeorge4518 5 жыл бұрын

Minute 9:05 - Yes-Yes-Yes-Yes

@totallydevastated8153 5 жыл бұрын

Samual, I feel so empty inside and need some sort of help. Story is way too long, but the down and dirty, we will have been married 25 years this May. June 2017 she told me she had a physical and emotional affair in 2003. I can’t physically or mentally handle knowing she isn’t the glowing angel I thought I was married to. And I just see a person who is tainted and dirty now. I know God made her especially for me, I don’t know how long I can hold on anymore. She is my life. I can’t continue this way and I don’t know what to do except what I keep thinking about. And I know that won’t solve anything so I keep fighting as best as I know how. I don’t have Therapist trained for these specific situations anywhere near where I live. Any help could be life changing. Please I just want the pain to go away.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

shoot me an email at samuel@hope-now and let's see what we can do bud.

@RubberDucky8734 5 жыл бұрын

I feel your pain, it's hard to find out your spouse (25+ years for us also) betrayed you many years ago. I'm currently in a similar situation. Although we've had our problems (alot of it is on me) as I'm a recovering drug addict currently 7+yrs clean and sober now the ONE thing in life I was sure of is neither of us would EVER do THAT, I was sure she was an angel and could do NO wrong. Finding out now (5 yrs post betrayal) that as I struggled with staying clean and sober, struggled with the guilt of the damage I'd done to us she had betrayed me/us/our marriage, it has sent me into a tailspin. I truly hope it all works out for you, I really do.

@bwin783 4 жыл бұрын

Totally Devastated Please Pray!! It is has helped me along with videos & therapy (2005 betrayal) I am dealing with what I stuffed down due to health issues & other life issues at the time. But this covid-19, has had me on an emotional roller coaster! I did not know I was carrying that much pain inside, but I am grateful that it is coming up. I know it hurts and it is painful, but you can heal. I love my husband as well, but I don’t love what he did to us. It is truly a process to healing, everything in the video, I have felt. I know I cannot let this take me out! And you can’t either ! Be encouraged!! Marriage is worth fighting for, if you both stand united. Prayers for you both🙏🏽

@davidmetcalfe4318 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you Samuel. I came across affairs recovery last week when I was trying to find what the bible says about infidelity. My husband wasn't "cheating" but he was interested in watching "beautiful" black girls on KZfaq tweak their bum, all sorts of disgusting things that I thought he could never watch. He is 20 years older than me and I am black he is white. But that doesn't matter. I consider a spouse watching other women's body on paper or internet as infidelity. Why should he be interested in watching it. I was gutted. When I found out. I didn't realise he has been lying to me all this while , when he says to me that he can never do anything to hurt me. Yet he was watching these disgusting things. He has owned up, he is gutted himself, he has lost weight due to the shame and worry that he might lose me, . I am finding it difficult to trust him now. Is there any way I can contact affairs recovery for online counselling and if I can involve my husband. There is more to it than I can write on here. Linda, England

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

hi there. very sorry but we don't do online counseling. you can take one of our courses which is exceptional found here: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses you can also contact this woman about phone counseling as well as she may be able to help: www.healingaffairscounseling.com/about/

@TheJo201 5 жыл бұрын

Samuel what do you do when the betrayed is so fixated on the affair that happend to the point of viewing you in a NEGATIVE light all the time.??

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

it's pretty normal samuel. how long ago was the affair? what kind of help have you all utilized for healing?

@racerx3062 4 жыл бұрын

For me its the other way. I want my wife, but she is the one that pulls away. Totally messed up. She cheated and now she has abandon me and my daughter. She has hurt my our daughtrr so bad that my daughter said the other day "mami is dead to me". I have to pock up the pieces. Its extremly difficult. I feel like giving up.

@anujtaya8085 Жыл бұрын

Did you ask her what is the issue with her maybe in a calmer way take her out on a long ride a vacation a candle night dinner a long road trip? Oh trust me my intuition tell she will give you the real reason bro

@SouthernBelleReviews 5 жыл бұрын

3:30 on ... Yeeeeep

@ricardosonnylal9870 5 жыл бұрын

Im the unfaithfull person.... and my pathner recently ask me for a no contact, i agreed but my question is how long do u think i should give for the healing process to go for ? My parthner has said she forguve me but still cant see a future with me .... now ive tried all i have and still notting.... so now im praying to god that things change Im keeping faith and hope

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

every situation is different. could be 30 days maybe 45 or so.

@susanhaines3153 4 жыл бұрын

I want to feel I have more power and influence over her

@silkwood2020 5 жыл бұрын

It's been 6 yrs and I'm still stuck because he thinks I'm making too much of it. I've tried to say let's start with clean slate. Still I struggle with the feeling of disconnection he is not able to even give me an ounce of what we shared before. Tried local counseling but that a joke. I know I'm suffering from PTSD from this. HELP, I have no competent affair counseling near us

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

ok see about finding someone that can help you with something called EMDR for ptsd and trauma, or you can also look for someone who specializes in ETT which is for trauma care as well. i would also read a book called 'the body keeps the score' which outlines how the body manages grief and trauma: www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_3?crid=PYXSJEAR5U3D&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1551728727&s=gateway&sprefix=boundaries%2Caps%2C154&sr=8-3 have you looked at our online courses as well? they are exceptional: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses you can do it all online my friend. something is better than nothing. i assure you that.

@alishamorganroth4876 3 жыл бұрын

I am the betrayed and my husband left Aug. of last year after saying he was not in love with me anymore yet was having an emotional affair with a mutual friend. We have since been trying to work on things but he says he still in not in love with me but has love more me. Is this part of his recovery not to be in love with me yet trying to work on our marriage?

@samshealingpodcast 3 жыл бұрын

it's part of it, but it requires an expert to navigate through the complexity and challenges. for example, being in love is something that is a feeling....true love is a choice. typically, when we get older we understand love is a choice and feelings come after. he needs help to understand this reality and navigate through his own confusion. is he open to getting help through us at all?

@akstylez_ak5037 4 жыл бұрын

🤭🤭🤭. I know what you mean by making her choose you. Yessss hurry up and move on. I know what it is that my husband wanted from me and has found a way to force me into it. I know now know this. I had to also fall back from pursuing him too