Oh my I just got this. 60 years it took. Ugh.

@Thatone true. On both points I see you made. Girl I'm screenshotting this. All those christmas dramas. Lol. Knowledge... this knowledge has certainly empowered me. Next christmas gray rock. Lol.

@@kelleyfrances3278 I just heard a good quip the other day: Their standards are so high, they are double. 😆

So true. I spent my birthdays on the couch crying when he was sleeping like a baby after his narcissistic rage. All the christmas holidays were disasters and my business trip days were ruined I had to call the police. It’s so good to finally be out of that crazy loop. I hope everyone with the narcissists can leave for themselves. ❤️

Exactly! As a child, I never understood why my father was so nasty and reluctant to spend holidays at my mother’s relatives. Today I know it’s because they were happy people who liked to play music and sing. He would belittle them to my mother (behind their backs of course). Several years later when my parents divorced, I was excited about traveling to my aunt’s for the holidays. He saw that excitement and started insulting me as I was packing. What a tool he was. Today, thanks to people like Dr. Ramani, I get it!

I can't even do that anymore.

Me too👋

Amen!

So true

Yes.

Yes! Wow!

Bingo!!

They can’t stand to see you healthy and happy. When you are growing, healing, are recognized for an accomplishment such as passing your NLEX and being licensed as a nurse, job promotion, home improvement designing excitement…. This behavior was the last straw for me. I gray rock and tell then nothing. Silence will be with them at the end of their lives as more and more people tire of their abuse, immaturity, pettiness, selfishness and taking joy in misery. I’ve exited from these toxic people.

@@nicolecarnevale1071 Facts. It can get tricky at times but dealing with these folks is easier than most people think. Just establish a line and a limit and once they cross it, it's over goodbye.

YES! That’s perfectly said!

Oh, I get this too. My two sisters live halfway across the country, and my parents would fly out to help them with things like moving, or this and that.... things they wouldn't help me with, even when I lived a 5 minute drive from them. Well guess what, I don't live a 5 minute drive from them anymore, and pretty much all I do is send them a gift at Christmas time. I'm sure they think I'm so horrible to 'abandon' (how I imagine they would describe it) them, but if someone hurts your feelings pretty much every time you're around them and doesn't see your value....it's just not healthy. Plenty of other people care about me a lot more than they do!

It has nothing to do with you, it’s 100% them. If they had made the effort, (so others didn’t think badly about them), they would have complained and generally had such a bad attitude that it would have marred the day, and seared it into your memory as another day of emotional abuse. The best thing to do, move on, knowing that you deserve better, and never take anything they try to do seriously, happiness will never be with them. They will now have no one but themselves to hurt.

I totally get this..

This is :( when people who should'nt be parents become one...its a battle for a child to come out of that fine😔 I hope you're fine yo...its okay you show up for you and later authentic people you connect to will...leave the hopeless...m myself in a house where i'm blamed for everything while my sister is the golden child it doesn't matter anymore. I've understood this is not what you call a family and the situation is hopeless so I'll make one for myself with loving people...if you can find genuine authentic connections..where you're loved thats a family💗 take care of yourself!

Why give them any space in your head. Your value comes from God. I know how much it hurts to be rejected by people who are supposed to love you. That's a reflection on them, not you. We have to change the messaging in our heads that says our value comes from others. I also struggle, I truly understand.

Exactly my hb lol

So true! Tried to break ice with narc last time we spoke. He turned it into a virtue signaling war. I walked away. Never went back.

My boyfriend haha yep. It's all coming out so slowly

Sometimes when bored they are manipulating people to cause discord among them instead while feeling competitive in 'return' for that imagined willful competition coming form others towards them. Then while watching the resulting competitive behavior in others the narcissist just sits back tossing out invasive questions or the odd rude comment here and there about it all while enjoying the 'show' which they have been expecting all along to see there when thinking those whom they are all watching who obvious having a hard time in comparison to how well they can do when all are then in contrast competing there thinking that the rest whom they have been gaslighting all along are after all all only like mere dogs or only like weeds or mere goats only good for the slaughter later anyhow. After you have been labelled as only being just a goat or whatever and then survived after a narrow escape from that kind of 'deserved' slaughter when being treated like one too once then somehow the next time you get hurt bad by another similar minded narcissist it is possible not to take it personally while leaving such kind of scene a lot sooner. Furthermore, sometimes your early on response to narcissistic talk is already going to be enough to repel them for good.

It was the other way around. I dont call her my sister. My eldest mother's daughter was always competing with me.

Oh how I hate being the center of attention, just normal I guess, they say that people fear 😱 pubic speaking more than death (sorry Ted-Talks) Didn't my narcs insists on that... (Jerks!) My older overt coke head sis tried to train me to keep my eyes overly opened, like a doll I guess!

Not if they can't rain on it

I knew one that was always saying he didn’t want anything to rain on his parade.

Its interesting because the bf would always give his adult children tons of kudos but myself and my grandchildren, who he agreed to help me raise and is not engaging, and we get no kudos and no respect. He is highly respectful of his family but they are all his enablers.

You're a miracle indeed 👍🏼😀

Well done to you!!!☺

Wow

I am so happy and proud of you! I thank you for your service and nursing. You had the emotional drive despite your childhood. You believed in yourself. That is how you have achieved what you did. Good luck and Good health to you.

Wow I’m so sorry you had to experience that! I’m glad you’re still here.

I once had a friend who would never comment on anything that I ever said about myself. She would stay silent, if I'd mention my writing or any little thing that I would speak of positively. The conversation would ALWAYS end up on her and her problems, and gossiping about others that we knew. It never dawned on me until years later that, she never give a care about me at all. She just used me to have a party buddy because she was a hard core alcoholic. So glad that I have myself under control now, where I have more discernment, and I rarely even drink anymore, for that matter.

It flips direction so fast you're left on the defensive and bewildered later trying to figure where it went wrong. I've wished I could have the conversation taped so I could replay it and slow motion, to see the exact moment the tables were turned on me

Or how quickly they will try to one-up you. Everything is a competition with them.

That's so true and so sad too

@@BRR949 That sounds exactly like my friend....when we meet, she talks about herself 90% of the time (usually about negative things that happened to her) and when I (very shortly) tell her something positive about myself, she seems quite bored and changes the subject. The drinking part also fits....we used to go out a lot together, where she would drink too much alcohol und would flirt with strange men...when I finally quit going to clubs often (around the time I met my husband), she would lash out and accuse me of neglecting her etc. She also likes to gossip a lot (even about friends) and doesn’t seem to be able to share other people‘s success or any positive life event.

And they'll try to convince you, at other times, that you're negative! Mine says (off for a fractured arm x-ray after biking drunk as a Lord) I nag him daily, well you binge drink daily! On the wagon now though unable to burn off those toxins ..

shilpa patil so true. Will say youre a show off. You are trying to make me feel bad about myself. big mouth. You don't deserve good things as you don't know how to enjoy them.....or my birthday lunch I cook wait when they don't turn up I ring. Give me half an hour. Wait at the table after another ihr ring again. Oh we ordered a pizza see ya. No apology.

@@proveit888 💛💙💛 thanks for your post. Alba Lone - when people out there on the internet are better than your own sister and her family. Yes she is copybook NPD, it's not us, it's them! Sending good thoughts to you, celebrate the good times. How pathetic they are.

@@marisapaola9010 Happy belated birthday dear one! I'm so sorry that happened to you!

@@steviep9780 You're a good person Stevie P. Thanks for taking the time. Cheers 💙💙🌅

Agreed! Me too

I would have given anything to know what the person was and have a place like this to learn about it five years ago, before they blew my family apart. I just thought she was really competitive with me, and I tried to blow off her belittling and sarcastic comments.

I 100% agree.

Me too ✋

Me too.

"Everyone should be like me" actually came out of ones mouth.

Ohmigoodness you hit the nail on the head

They project, my mother would blame me for doing any/every thing I didn't do. Yet she did all of that BS. Lol, I always just ignored it until she started attempting to define me as someone I'm not to the general public.

Had to finally peace out at 24, for good. Moved away, because she humiliated me far to many times, and it began to ruin my reputation around town. Basically made a mockery out of me when I trusted her to have my back when I trying to get my life together between 18-24. To this day, I still question who I am. Because that lady broke me.

My dad always calls people who he hates "arrogant", but he is arrogant himself

It was a very spooky experience reading this comment since it describes my experience exactly. 😳 As many of us as we're finding out that there ARE of us, I find myself wondering a whole lot how so many people seem to STAY in denial about how many people - parents - there are like this who exist. What is that part about?

When she bragged - all the attention was on her. She was drinking that praise of having such a good kid. To praise you is to give away. She has nothing to give. No love to give, because of luck of self love. So, she only takes to fill the void inside.

My ex wife would brag to her coworkers and friends about how great of a husband I was but always treated me like complete shit. I never understood it but regardless 14 years and I had had enough. Something else, I hated telling her anything at all, good or bad, it all got used against me first chance she had

yep this 100%

I am so sorry Susan. I didn't understand why your mother would do this until I read the comment from Aphrodite below - that is: "When she bragged - all the attention was on her. She was drinking that praise of having such a good kid." We all deserve better.

I AM SO STEALING THAT PHRASE!!! Thanks!!❤️ Omg just noticed you have the nickname of my childhood friend🌸❤️❤️

“They talk and talk and don’t care if I respond “ - ouch. That hit a nerve. I now can’t dismiss (especially after a week of catering to a 50+ year old birthday princess who did less than zero planning for my milestone birthday last year - or any birthdays or holidays with even a few recycled Christmas gifts and missed events)... why do we put up with this for so long? First parents, then SOs, now “friends”...my picker is broken but at least I see the red flags!

Smart. Also borrowing this mantra. Unfortunately my kid goes to school with my new narcs kids. It’s family. Yikes.

I laughed at this because it’s so true 😂 and I realized my narc mom wasn’t even listening to anything I was saying.

Yes best advice ever. You cannot share anything significant with them just talk about the weather. Or listen to them. At a family gathering recently, there was a person who talked for 3,5 hours. They really like the sound of their voice.

actually, you already won 😉

Narcs are losers by default, which is why they try to downplay or dismiss your good news. So like Remy said, you have already won by being yourself!

You sure can win,they are constant losers.

Only when you gain your independence from them!

Yes you can. It may take time. Not so easy with a partner or family member I'd imagine but in the case of a work colleague they can slowly be made accountable.

This happed to me but it was “they didn’t say they thought you had cancer they said lymphoma!!! omg you over do everything.” I just laughed and told him to look up the word lymphoma.

Oof it’s the same but it happened to my mum. She was having a cancer test result, she want company of my dad. But he prefer to talk to my godmum than accompany my mum. (My godmum is just perfectly fine, but my dad’s priorities are a whack job)

DAMN 🤯

It’s just unbelievable what some people will say. The pain it causes !

Yes!

Same.

Yeah I was told by my mother someone else who did better. Later realised that it was a lie.

There will always be another story better or worse than your story, or their life is worse than your problem. So I also stopped sharing…

I graduated college with a 4.0 and PBK. Mom's only comment, "Well, you're smarter than everyone else. I wouldn't expect anything less." My narc boss threw a little party for me, and I was so moved because I knew what it took inside for him to do it.

My wedding dress just got delivered the other day (getting married in November), I was super excited because it was custom made so it was the first time ever seeing it completely done in person. My Narc Dad called and asked me what was new. I said "Nothing."

Amen🙏

Hi Lori, much love from Montreal!

Love and peace from England

@@joseenoel8093 Salut, Josée! J’ai habité à Montréal pendant 10 ans, depuis que j’avais 9 ans jusqu’à l’âge 19, et je me sentais Toujous la Bienvenue Chez Vous! Je pense toujours à Revenir, cette Fois ci avec mes Deux Belles Filles, pour Les Montrer et Manger Tout! Et encore plus, elles parlent et écrivent Français et aussi elles connaissent les expressions comme « Esti Tabernak » « Colline de Bin » etc!

Thank you, Lori! Love and peace from Rhode Island, USA!

Yeah my dad removes himself from my future for similar reasons

Wow!

What a D bag!

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that.

I’m sorry to hear that about your dad. But congrats on the engagement!!! My mom said something similar when I told her that I had a boyfriend for the first time (he actually wasn’t my first boyfriend but I was scared to tell her about any of them) and she said “Don’t worry, you’re going to get your heart broken plenty of times.” Or she would say “All men are stupid, even yours” without even knowing him. It really changed the way I saw her. I don’t believe all men are stupid, that’s such a generalization, and I was so happy since this man finally treats me right. Being with him is like healing for me, and I choose to not listen to what my mother said. She seems miserable and wants everyone else to feel it.

I have a question though, how do yall speak for 2 hours in the first place? An honest question from a introvert

@@hadessimpett6477 it's the" one man show" of the narc....grab some popcorn..:P

@@giraffefree6143 I'd die from being drained within 30 minutes lol gimme some popcorn!

Until recently (when I learned what a narcissist was) I thought I was alone in being raised by a crazy woman. (I'm 70) There really are so MANY of us, aren't there.

@@ginawiggles918 Welcome to the community; better late than never 🌈

Or your kid.

Mine, too.

@@occallie You chose to have a kid.

@@hadessimpett6477 I chose to have 3. He ghosted his siblings too for his diagnosed narcissist wife. Diagnosed being the key word here. He's not the narcissist, his wife is. He's her empathic supply and we know what she is. Thus the gradual ghosting 3 years ago at her urging. I respected his choice for a wife as every mother should. I even still love her. I don't like her as a person anymore though. She's one of those people that uses her kids as pawns to hurt the people that love them by alienating and won't communicate. A diagnosed narcissist. Not my son - his life partner.

Yes, but you can choose where to live. I moved 2000 miles away from my family. Being a bunch of right wing semi-facist GOP fanatics, they refused to visit me in the "terribly evil" state of California, full of "bleeding hearts", which worked just great. I was able to live a long life without their throwing wrenches into everything.

Amen 🙏🏻

Amen!!! 🙏

I've been quoting this scripture for this very reason. The Lord God almighty knows.

Yessss.... My mom use to say this all the time when I was a child

Ahh don't trash barnyard animals.

I wish I knew why these people have children. None of us deserve this awful, soul-destroying behavior.

I do the same. I never give myself credit for accomplishments.

Mine was with my sibling.

Many months ago I visited my narc mom in tears worried about our country. I was very upset. Totally dismissive of me and slammed the door in my face. That was the moment when I knew for sure she would never have my back.

I am guilty of this only because I was young and unconscious. I did it to others unconsciously because of utter unhappiness and aloneness I felt inside. Its lack of emotional depthness or self knowledge. I get to be happy when I see people are 'miserable' not because of spite but its a form of connection or relatability. I dont show my vulnerability often but only to people I could trust with all my being.

Yes 100% , I've learned the hard way.

Stop talking to them.

make it worse and then top it off with "but it's your own fault" or "didn't we tell you.."

Yeah it’s really sad and pathetic how these narcissist are wired mentally .. glad you cut ties girl.

Good on you! They end up LONELY and sad. Cant understand why. Refuse to face their disorder. The will not change. 77 year old narc mom repeatedly was told for over 30 years how she’s hurt so many and DOES. NOT. CARE.

👏🏾

My narc ex used to congratulate me so so much. He knew how to play the game

Well done!

🤓🤓🤓🤓 the unmitigated gaul

Omg this is so fucking typical. The worst thing is that «third party» would never understand whats wrong with this Comment.

Thats what villains in movies do, usually the villain is in 40's-50's and uses like 20-30 year olds and brainwashes them, having them think what they're doing is good and they've been working on that since the 20-30 year old was young, so they'd achieve success for them. Since its a villain though, they're just trying to use the 20-30 year olds as shields.

Wow.

Proud of herself, huh? Terrible. They no not what they say. Words leave a lot of pain. That is like the day I was being sent to sunday school. My mother worked a long time on my hair trying to curl it. She kept complaining about my hair, and how difficult it was. Then she said - well, that will have to do, I can't do any more on it. Instead she could have said How pretty you look with your hair fixed. I felt like a sack of beans when I was shoved out the door to go to church. As I remember it now I think I might have looked nice. I had on my pink dress trimmed with lace and my patent leather shoes, with my hair curled. Heck I probably was the "cat;s pajamas!"

SO true!!

But also sooo sad!

Absolutely! I went from over-sharing to under-sharing and finally, not sharing at all.

True

It took me 50 years to figure this out

Same here. And yet they would brag about me to other people.

Me too. I simply celebrate privately.

Yes, I understand! This is unfortunate but too true sometimes!

@Adore Tay Yup. That’s my family’s response: You’re just showing off!

Same here .I m free now .not in touch with my narc parents and sister anymore

Good for u!!! Whats the point in keeping toxic ppl in ur life.

Well done… on both points, you don’t need that type of negativity ✨

Counterpoint: tell everyone and watch for who acts like a jerk, and then cut them out and fill your life with only people who want the best for you.

I agree! My small wins I keep to myself or I tell my boyfriend instead.

That's excellent wisdom from a young person, because you can't tell the assholes by looking at them because they don't wear team t-shirts.

‘Keep leveling up’. Awesome

Sadly, I'm just now learning this. Also, most narcs aren't so obvious. Their tactics are insidious and covert.

I call it the cheshire cat smile lol

Debbie Jenks Exactly! 👍

My narc husband doesn't even smile if I share something with him about someone that is happy, especially if is a happy close family member.

The expression on their face is a dead giveaway

I know. that fake happy for you thing is sickening

I had a job after 5 months of unemployment, my dad wants me to switch job to going to Australia to serve as hotel management because their pay is higher. Covid came, my job was thriving as a PPE company and hotel biz aren’t doing great.

My mom helped me get a scholarship only to tell me that I couldn't survive abroad on my own. Why are they like this 🙄🤓

OMG so typical of Narcs!!! I live in a beautiful island half the year and my mom and her Narc sister constantly talk down to me how I live in a poor 3rd world country and there's no money there and everybody is so poor, blah blah blah, meanwhile it's the complete Opposite of that!!!! Then, I received an amazing Job offer in a very RICH known country, my mom starts telling me it's Not a real job, it's a SCAM lol, saying they are looking for Human Traffickers there!!!!! What the what?????? Narcs are the WORST!! Better NOT to tell them ANY thing about your life!!!

I remember being thrilled and beyond excited to be hired as a Chief Officer on a Mega Yacht. The job would change my life. My father’s reaction was so cold and shocking. He told me he heard from ‘a’ friend this type of jobs were awful and I should not take it.

And this has played out in relationship after relationship for me...

@@rosemarie7816 same

Wow! WTF?!!!!

I already imagine the day when I tell my mom that I'm happily pregnant and her response will be: how inconvinient, why exactly now? And then she'll proceed on telling me a bunch of reasons about how difficult it will be, and to prepare myself for hell etc. Wanna bet?

Yeah, people with NPD tend to view their children as slaves- especially when it comes to money. Both my parents have NPD and they told me the same thing - that a real daughter would send her paycheck to her parents so they could go on vacation all the time etc. They don't give a damn that if you send it all to them that you're then flat broke! They feel they deserve it.

What? 😂 they’ve completely lost touch with reality

@@hannahpumpkins4359 common too in my country, Philippines. Some parents are entitled to send back money or to give money to their parents.

"pay for the coffee of the customer behind them". My narc would accuse that person of making a pass, there must be something behind it smh. They may even get angry at my reaction to it.

Literally saying I had the day off was enough.

I literally have a rule written for myself when I am around my parents ( and family in general ) that says : don’t share anything personal or emotional, don’t even share stories or thoughts with them!! It’s crazy because I know deep down it’s either gonna make them r**e, h*t*ful, turn it n***tive or just ruin it and sh*%# on me . I am just adding censors to every word that could be “off “ because my comments are getting deleted. Sorry for that annoying thing lol.

Belinda Blunderbus Exactly!!! 🤣

Bravo, Well put! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

My heart broke for you reading this. I pray that someday you will find peace and healing 💖

☹️😭

OMG! that was a terrible way to treat a little child. Child abuse to the 10 degree. I feel so badly for you. Well I've seen it before. My pervert brother-in-law beat my nephew with a razor strap for refusing to eat his green beans one time that I witnessed.

@@grandmajane2593 I can get past the hair pulling, the looking through me like I didn't exist, the throwing herself flat against the wall so as not to touch me in passing, the pinching of my face that left bruises while she told me she hated me...etc. But the words that play on repeat in my mind, the words that I cannot make stop playing over in my mind are "I wish I hadn't had you!" "I wish you had never been born!" Oh how I wish I had a thick skin and those words never penetrated but they damaged my soul. Those words are the reason I walk this earth feeling like I absolutely shouldn't be here. Those words are the reason I can't even pick myself up some days. I guess if it were anybody else that said it to be I wouldn't care so much. When your mother says it to you I do not have enough words to describe the crushing depression that never seems to leave.

@@ivymeganmedicinewoman thank you. I do not think I will find peace about this situation until my soul goes back home.

Classic.

Good for you and share your accomplishments with someone who will be happy for you. Otherwise, it’s like a kick in the teeth every dang time.

Uhmm, not exactly, but yes, got into law school, that does take some smarts.

Oh wow that’s exactly what happened to me and I have 2 narcs - mom and sis. Problem is I did 2 law degrees. The second law degree - mom’s and sis’s faces turned white and stopped talking to me for 8 months.

@@sharonccc6612 whaaat.??? Omg....

That’s just sad. You can’t be abused by an ant though. Just step over it.

A brother ought to congratulate you and celebrate your achievement Jill. 🧑‍🎓

We have two Narcissists on this thread trying to tell you, your MBA is worthless. This is literally gaslighting! Degrees matter, especially if you are a woman. If you enjoyed your educational experience, built a great professional network while your time at the University, if your job is related to your degree, or even if it simply mattered to you for no reason, you are winning. Congratulations 🎊👏

How very mean! Miserably miserable...narcs love to take all air out of the nice balloon. Then they feel happy...when you are sad.

How very mean! Miserably miserable...narcs love to take all air out of the nice balloon. Then they feel happy...when you are sad.

Omg that’s my MIL and mom! 😂😂😂

Oh yes! I get that every time!

Thst's my Mom

Yes! My narcissist has started fights with me right before I was to walk down the aisle to be married, at my baby shower in front of all my guest, at her graduation party because I got a new car & our first beach trip after me losing 144lbs.

Explains EVERYTHING!

@@tyffaneewoods5813 Congrats on your weight loss. That's a lot of weight! Great job!!

@@katsato3118 *air hugs, kristen.*

And then they claim you need them lol.

You can see the hate in their face even the hand gestures

And then you try to explain this to others if you don't know better yet... and the dissapointment gets even worse

that is a good skill to be able to spot that subtle change

And Macro.

If you’ve ever caught them red handed and watched them spin, it’s both fascinating and so horrific that you know…no therapy or anything will help. I planned my escape in secret. He didn’t take it well.

Be very wary of anyone that's friends with a full-blown narc...They oftentimes end up leaking your business to them among other unsavory things.A narc will happily use other people just to try to get at you.For me personally I just toss the narc & their enablers/flying 🐒s into the same dumpster 🔥,they're all part of the toxic konga line.From what I've 👀...Healthy nontoxic folks end up 🏃‍♀️ from narcs within only a few months ⌚ because they 👀 the 🎭 start to slip & don't overlook the red 🚩s,nobody healthy can thrive around these very deranged individuals...They mix like oil & water ultimately.Only other dysfunctional people seem to stick around them long-term🤔...At best it'll be a person on the codependent side & at worst it'll be another narc or even a psychopath,it's people that either tolerate being used/manipulated or people that are also users themselves😬.If someone is friends with a narc I personally avoid them because something is likely wrong with them as well...Dealing with a narc is often like dealing with a stubborn weed,you've gotta rip the entire thing out roots & all so it can't cause you anymore headaches🙄.Best wishes for your healthier life👍🏻.

Can you tell me if I'm one? I feel like I'm not one moment and then the next I see something that makes me think I am one. I'm so done with this constant anxiety over this. I just don't want to be one because I don't want to hurt people.

@@LadyLaughsAlot23 I heard that if you worry you’re a narcissist then you arent one. Narcissists dont care if they are, and they dont care that much if others get hurt. You’re good ♥️👍

@@LadyLaughsAlot23 You're not one. You might have narcissistic fleas, but you wouldn't care this much if you were a narcissist. Was just having to remind myself of this personally. Wanting & working to move away from narcissism is a clear sign you're not a narcissist.

Mine was completely opposite! He loved to go out to eat whenever he felt like it. But im all to familiar about the way they'll get upset, walk out and leave you sitting there as if you'd done something bad.

Good for you! 😂

😂😂😂

Sorry he did that to you. Mine and I went to a wedding for a family friend of his. There was a group line dance they wanted everyone to take part in. At one point, the couples separate and meet up again at the end of the human arch we all create. When I was supposed to meet up with him, he wasn't there. The other couples are linking up and trying to get around me because I was looking around for him. I saw him sitting over at a table drinking, looking pleased with himself for getting out of something that he didn't want to do, with no care as to where I was, or that I was completely stranded on the dance floor without a partner with everyone dancing around me. He could have taken me by the hand and say "Let's sit this one out" but this moment at that wedding really sums up our entire relationship, where he was constantly leaving me to deal with things on my own, and focusing solely on his own comfort.

@@EmilyGiuffre Oh my goodness! What a jerk! It’s like they thrive on humiliating you. How can people be so awful!

And....AND they seem to LIKE the bad news and then remind you of it like if you got laid off or didnt get such and such, they hold onto bad news and use it to hurt you later. The good news. They will never remind you of that because they really don't care about it. It's not fuel for them. It's not useful.

YES!!!

Ugh. We've all been through that, Kristy. They make everything about them, absolutely.

So true. One time my narc asked me, why a friend who she thinks isnt pretty has found a new partner? I just said "He is kind." The narc went off on me. She was angry because she is single and in her mind I told her, that she is not kind. Had lots of conversations like this. They can't be happy for anyone. It's always an insult to them.

True, I remember letting my mom know about a fantastic raise I received. Instead of congratulating me, I literally could see her mind cooking up reasons for me to use that money on her.

this just happened to me. i know my sister is a narc and i am well aware of all the pitfalls. but i felt obligated to tell her about a health problem I was having because it involved care of an elderly parent in that i couldn't do it when i was sick. not only did she not offer to help either of us, she left town to go on a vacation across country for 3 weeks. she also blasted me with rage and lies because my illness was an inconvenience for her. and guess what. that won't be the end of it. when she comes back she will spin the whole thing like somehow i am at fault and she is the angel/rescuer of everyone. she's pure unadulterated evil. i often wish her dead.

100%

or they will pull out a dubious tragedy far worse than your real condition to bring the focus back on them...only

Stay away and enjoy your success

You choose not to take it!! Good for you!! 😀

Congratulations! I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you. That is a major accomplishment!

I feel your pain, but give yourself what they could not!! It’s a big achievement.

That is an incredible achievement! 👏

And no explanation will ever be enough of an explanation. And no boundary will be justified. And all their abuse is always justified (there is never a justification for abuse). And their constantly shifting explanations are always "perfect and logical". 🙄

Yeah. I ended up blocking my mom on my phone again yesterday. 😂 I owe her money, and I'm working on paying it as fast as I can. As soon as she's paid off, I will probably never speak to her again. She's growing more and more toxic with age and is seriously wayyy the fuck out in her own version of reality.

Yes! I blocked my dad a few months back and my anxiety has vanished😊

Uggh how do i keep my yound child safe from his narc father who gets court ordered visitstion?

Anne C, is there a way to guide the child to the very important understanding of this kind of personality? It will not only be important in dealing with the example of narcissism that his father provides but will also have broader benefits. Maybe talk to him at least indirectly, referring to examples you both may be familiar with. One could even point to politicians, of which I have not known one that did not at least have a narcissistic side. Such discussion and learning can also help him to recognize psychopaths, people you definitely want him to be aware of. Of course you’d want him to be open and friendly to good people while being cautious of those showing even the more subtle signs. One basic thing, can the father laugh at himself, say, joke about his own foibles or perhaps past foolishness? Normally we learn some wisdom from such experiences, psychopaths and narcissists not so much.

Miranda Durbin, would suggest not worrying too much about owing her money, suspect she loaned it for narcissistic reasons, to obtain more control. Even before paying it off it might be possible to not speak to her, at least not directly. Seems it’s generally better never to speak to them once you’ve identified them as narcissistic. Sometimes one is dealing with a borderline personality disorder, which may have slightly more hope, so interaction is not always bad, maybe a bit shifty though, like dealing with more than one personality. Best wishes on possibly going no contact.

Amber Katrina,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist.....

Yes I just realized that in the last five years I'm 36 but I'll tell you what best revelation not my life I'm driving my narc crazy because the ones aloud in my life have to abide by boundaries the others I just cut off but the narc parent and aunt are losing their minds

Me, too, Dean. Here's to boundaries! Thank you for sharing.

I’ve started working in my self esteem and ought a workbook for it. I also have a list of deal breakers in relationships. If they lie, cheat, steal, abuse they are gone.- Boundaries and self esteem are what will keep these evil monsters away.

I'll never forget my Dad's first words to me when I graduated. He said "You were lucky"

Me Too

My nmom tells me that she's proud of me. However, her actions show otherwise.

I’m sorry that happened to you. Hope you have people who appreciate you now.

I understand. It is horrible- my mother minimized every achievement I had beyond middle school. She cancels almost everything I invite her too where I am performing. Or there is a last minute crisis every time she is supposed to participate in my life...

I'm so sorry for the pain you went through. I hope you understand now, it was nothing you ever did or didn't do.

Whoa! So happy you are free now.

Wow! Good for you fighting cancer and winning!! It takes courage and strength within to go through the harsh treatments and many doctors appointments while trying to live as normal as possible. You did it ,along with a narc in your life! You are strong, and I pray you have many many years ahead of you physically healthy (no cancer) and mentally healthy (no narc)! Best of luck to you 🤗😀🙏💗🎂🍻

wow 2 cancers gone at all once! congrats 🎉

Holy cow that is a heavy trip to have laid on you! I'm glad he's gone too!

The straw that broke the camel's back was when they said nothing at all. How ironic and poetic. Yay to freedom and congratulations on the good report!

Like that one😂

Spot on!x

Oh my gosh, smack dab on the spot!

Yeah i always felt my fight or flight get activated

Truth. I experienced it .

Congratulations☺. God bless you.

When I told my dad I had a college degree with top grades his reply was, "that's just water under the bridge". So yeah, tell your true friends instead. It's good to cut out bad family members. 😆

My mother is over 90. She’s a nightmare to care staff. Rude and disrespectful dismissive and quite frankly an embarrassment She’s always been a jealous difficult but it took me ages to realise. Sometimes even blaming myself for her behaviour. The relief of lockdown has had its blessings for me Always protect yourself from the put downs by being prepared

@@jennifercox576 I did in the end help my mother who haad dementia. She was also hateful to some staff and patients at care home and finally was put in private room. However, she did not remember she did not like me or any of her revenge plots. I could not have been near helping out those last 4 years if she was her full blown mean self. It gave me an opportunity to have a little better relationship with her. It was a case of her losing herself to dementia becoming a good thing instead of a bad one. It gave my sons and myself the opportunity to be with her without the constant insults and mean spirit. A couple of years to forget and just see her as a sick old lady in need of lots of help. I had absolutely good kind grandparents and her siblings too but she turned out this way. I just always wonder why???

They just can’t stand how happy you are I guess. I’m just realizing that in my own family of origin.

@Raphael Oliveira I notice that too. They have to know EVERYTHING. I have started to make up lies that make me happy, even though I'm not naturally a liar. So if the narc asks what music I'm listening to, I'll tell them it's a Lithuanian band they wouldn't know, or just something that make me laugh. Or if they ask what I'm working on I'll tell them with a straight face I've started a wookworking business, that kind of thing. I refuse to let them know anything any longer because they putrefy everything they touch. They will mock it and try to bring you down- which doesn't bother me when theyre bringing down my fake woodworking company! 😆

My mother always rages at me when she notices im cheerful and reinforces my negative moods with a smirk and some forehead kisses like go continue being sad im glad

As a kid we weren't even allowed to laugh around my dad- he didn't like the sound of us laughing and having fun in the backseat. I love hearing my son laugh- I can't imagine not letting him be happy!!!

I feel like that sometimes. They're all like bothered, why are your so happy? It's like.. What do I say? Sometimes I feel like my life is going good and I don't feel sadness, anxiety, anger.. And for once I'm at peace. But when they ask me that it's like.. Idk.. Life is just good I guess.. Is it though?? It's it really?? Well enjoy it because it won't last... And once I stop smiling and go back to brooding, THEY are now happy... It's exhausting...☹️☹️

Yessssss you can never unsee it!!!!!!! Everrrr!!!

I have heard that over and over and over in all of these videos and comments... stop, drop, and RUN!!! I've never really understood intuitively what "narcissism" or "Narcissistic Person" was until my ex screamed at me that she was not one.... Dr. Ramini was the first to walk me through the finer details and she said the EXACT SAME PHRASES that my ex would say.... I genuinely thought that this was the weirdest and most heartbreaking breakup I've ever known until these videos... it all makes way too much sense now. But to hit on your point of no contact and run....... it is true. But my empathetic side is just wishing beyond that my ex had at least 1 redemptive quality... just 1... there is none.. Stop, drop, and run... best advice, thank you.

@@miksiolav9568 can you share these videos with that person?

@@hardtokeepitchill7864 Oh yes, the breakup that doesn't make sense and leaves you with no closure...

My dad is bipolar and narcissistic so life sucks

It's staggering to think about how many lives and relationships are destroyed by narcs. My family is a mess too. I wish the narcs could at least be grateful for everything they've taken. It's a lot more than they ever deserved.

Yeh, my sister was the smartest girl, the prettest, the one who could solve problems, etc. My mother died in the nursing home telling me my sister would have taken better care of her and not put her in "jail". She made sure I knew my sister was smarter than I. That's why I wasn't overcome with grief when she passed from this world. She didn't know that my sister did not want to take care of her.

I know a girl who when I told her about my promotion (at a place where it's like pulling teeth to ever move up) she went, "yeah, that's nice. I'm gonna be a billionaire some day." Hahaha no joke. Thank god I don't hang with her, ever

YES! The Topper. Like that SNL skit back in the day. Kristin Wiig's character popping up, twirling her hair and "topping" the experience or conversation in a hilarious, ridiculous way. Hilarious because it was so true, "close to home", at times. Uncanny, as also how Ramani describes so many of our experiences.

I call it the 1UP. We make the little Mario mushroom noise with the narc in our circle. Always has to be better. Loser!

Yessss that's the 1 upper...they ALWAYS have to be better like it's a competition and the sad thing is ...YOU ARE NOT EVEN COMPETING OR EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT LIKE THAT!!!!!!🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️SMDH

@@DiplomacyNOW That Penelope skit on snl was dead on LMFAO

Yet they will boast about every complement they receive, even when they know it isn't true or sincere! My dad, for instance, will brag that he's "still got it" if a cashier is nice to him. He'll embellish the encounter by talking about how the cashier looks like a supermodel. Or how she fell for his Southern charm. Sometimes I think he believes his own fairy tales, other times I think he gets a rush by not getting called out for being a liar.

Yup, over a casserole! lol

😂😂you’re killing me!! 👍🏽👍🏽cuz well cuz😂🤣🤣

yes!!! i cook and enjoy it on my own !!!!Even a good food activates them.I stopped inviting people for dinner 'cause narc friends would attack instead of enjoying a good meal and gathering ...same with family...if someone would say this is delicious ...a flying monkey would scream "you will never be like your mother" and then there would be another one saying :her sister cooks better ...all that for a piece of cake ...literally !!!

@@giraffefree6143 I hafta giggle when I say this because it is SO LUDICROUS!!! At least they let you COOK at your own house! 😄😄😄 I have no say in any of it! So I go along and watch certain ones compete over it all! LOL! The LAST STRAW was this: Me : I’d like the meat to be done Bbq ing at 6 so dinner can be ready at 6:30 for those who don’t drink! Them : my husband isn’t going to bbq at your house anymore because he says YOU rush him! 😂😂😂 Oh ! Okay!😜

👌🏾👌🏾

Brenda Holiday,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist...

@@jamesarmstrong4179 You are entirely too kind.

@@brendaholiday You are welcome dear.I am James from USA.You?

I know that's right, good for you.👍

Thank you😌

@@brandonf.8360 it is painful, but your still better off for making that decision. Believe me I know too well.

@@pjpj3416 you're right and I appreciate it.

@@brandonf.8360 no problem 🙂

Congrats for getting into your school!!

Sadly dear you even fall in the everyone 😉

Verbatim what I heard. They are all the same wackadoodle mindset.

Oh god. A friend of 40 years JUST mentioned to me in passing that he turned down a football scholarship to Stanford . WHAT?! IVE known you 40 years.. HOW COULD I NOT KNOW THAT?! SIMPLE He’s the scapegoat and his brother was a MLB pitcher. ALL THESE YEARS ..HE FELT HE WASNT ALLOWED TO SUCCEED . He said to me: “ yeah I went , I looked around, I thought to myself ‘ I don’t belong here’ went home and my mother reaffirmed that feeling.” I think it only surfaced 40 years later cuz he suppressed it .. RIGHT UP UNTIL HIS DAUGHTER GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE. Explains a lot. Always wondered how his brother was a pro athlete When HE was so much more talented in every respect . Don’t let that be you. Hang on to your dreams. I’m sorry that I didn’t even have any .. I wonder what I might’ve become if I didn’t have all that noise in my head?! CONGRATS TO YOU!! I hope you’re going for it in your career and life!! Don’t be like us.. we Didnt HAVE KZfaq !! 🤣🤣🤣

Wow. Reminded me of my dad asking me if I was proud of getting into “that chickenshit fraternity at that pissant school” after he’d said “Name one thing you’ve done that you’re proud of in the last [2,3,4,5,IDR] years” (like there’s any right answer to someone who’s tearing you apart that way). Funny thing about that was he was the one who’d taken me to that school I’d never heard of. Think he was pissed that I started getting recognition for good grades where he’d banished me in embarrassment. I hadn’t kept them up before at a more competitive school after having never received his acknowledgment for getting the highest yearly class subject grades 3 times in high school. So if that wasn’t getting to me anymore I guess he felt the need to splatter me with something else he hoped would. And get this-my little golden halfbrother who “didn’t test well“ is now a college professor (who forges his own reviews online at a geographically undesirable school where his student evaluations say things like they’re afraid to be alone with him in office hours). If I were making shit up I would make up something more believable, including to myself. So if it’s true and won’t endanger you I hope you won’t hesitate to point out for that motherfucker (if you have occasion after the fact) a school that would take anyone was your best chance at getting away from their ass……the unanticipated net result of which is plausibly somewhat your excitement at KNOWING THE DATE🙄. LOL and regardless, congratulations😐. Remember; they will try to steal (take credit for) anything you have/achieve that they don’t, and destroying those things is a VERY close second choice since their motivation is maximizing and keeping others out of “their” spotlight.

Brilliant

I wish that was real.

I play guitar and I had a similar experience with my narc mom. I made honors jazz small group at school was super excited and proud of myself. When I told her I was met with, "Oh that's....really good Jer, guess all those lessons(which she paid for) paid off after all." She showed 0% interest in my playing outside of school but she went to the school concerts to seem like a good parent.

My mother and her sister went to all the school concerts of my older sister, and cousin who were in the same orchestra. They'd make an event out of this high school concert. Lots of fuss and praise for days. I was left home with Dad and younger sister. When I hit the same high school, along with a cousin my age I played French horn and performed in the concert band. My aunt and mother came but no fuss, no pre dinner for cousin and I. The same orchestra played as did in the past, new kids. Afterwards nothing but comments of SO GLAD THATS OVER, do we have to come to the year end concert? My ears hurt. So they loved it when their favorite golden kids did it, but when the scapegoats did it, no praise and active discouragement. I took to getting rides with other families, but continued music for all 5 yrs of high school.

I’m not a professional musician but I’ve always struggled to play my instruments in front of people, even family. When you are raised in a “conditional love” environment, I think the anxiety of making a mistake whilst playing is over-the-top. Nothing but a perfect performance will make you feel that you have earned some love. When your self-worth is tied to your performance, you are definitely going to be feeling stress and anxiety about playing in front of others. This was totally the case with me!

@@joywebster2678 So relatable in every way joy. ❤️to you for rising above

@@floxendoodle942 Yes. I play piano.. my sister is way older and she played beautifully. I loved to listen . A piano teacher lived four houses down.. I turned eight and begged to take lessons. Well I did .. you know how to fill in ALLLL THOSE BLANKS. Today I have a grand piano in the LR of my tiny house. None of my friends or family have heard me play. To the point that some say” oh you play? I thought it was just a piece of furniture” . My standard response “ I’m not a performer”.

Sorry,

I kind of think we were like this in my home growing up. If I think about it, we would try to anticipate the undermining narrative in the way we presented good news, and it would cut the sting a bit.

They do enjoy bad news and terrible gossip. Just as long as it about them.

💥. This.

I totally get that. They like the sick because for that moment they feel superior. They really are bat shit crazy, but it takes a long time as a kid to get that, and it's a sad and scary thing to have to cope with.

YESSSSS!! ❤️to u

Fuck yesss. It’s so exhausting having to explain something so simple everytime

Nimzm So true! The average person "understands" the Narcissist doesn't care!

His favourite saying. I dont care. And i am not that type of guy (flowers)

@@estefaniacastillo133 I feel bad for you and Janine. Both of you, just get away from these idiots.

I had two different female bosses who told me they would never compliment me (or others)for doing a good job because they don't expect their bosses to ever compliment them. Those were the worst bosses I have ever had. Both turned out to be narcissists. One was a covert narcissist.

I had literally the same experience. 25 years friendship, I moved away and whenever I would visit him he belittled me, had temper tantrums with me, and was just mean. I always knew something was off about him, but it became much clearer when he realized I was just fine in my new life without him. One day I told him my dad was dying and he said "Meh." That was the last straw. I mourn the memories, but I won't dare make new ones with him. These people are dark energy in human form.

Same. They bully you when you dare to go on your own and they are enver happy for you. Ever. And they keep trying to force themselves to your life anytime you do something great, so that they can ruin it OR recreate it THEIR WAY

Thank you for this comment, I can relate. The weird thing is that as a kid, you don't know any different and it seems normal for them to react like that. Thank God we've learned no- that is not normal at ALL!

This is sadly too relatable. When I was a child on my 10th birthday my narc dad kept jabbing at me for the stupidest and small things. If I didn't get a certain score in a game like my brother I was considered lesser. If I won a game he would accuse me of cheating. My dad loved my brother, the golden child and the slut who broke my family up and made life worse for me. I dreaded the weekends I'd have to stay with them. I'd bring homework and I remember my dad saying "You're never going to be as loved, or even liked for that matter if you cant earn perfect grades like your brother". I got a b+ and he kept getting As.

I have done exactly what you have done. Finally, Finally, Finally, I learned no matter what you accomplish it will never be enough, pat yourself on your own back. 🙂👍

Same here. I just didn't know about narcissism......but I knew my mother was "CRAZY."

any advice for someone who is still learning what is healthy and unhealthy emotionally?

Yep. I had a narc roommate like that once. We would watch movies together sometimes on the weekend. Whatever my pick was, my roommate never responded during it. If it was a comedy- no laughing, a horror- no gasps or jumps, an emotional film- no tears , an action- no enthusiasm. No emotion. HOWEVER, when it came time to watch my narc roommate’s movie choices, there was laughing, smiling, and other reacting from my roommate and me. I also noticed that my roommate was always watching me as I watched the movie. I could feel my roommate staring at me. If I didn’t laugh at a certain joke, or notice a certain plot point. my roommate would look at me with a disgusted ‘narc stare’. This is just a minor example of my narc displaying this emotionless attitude.

That might be a psychopath

@@yesitislikethat that was interesting ty for sharjng

More times than I care to remember!

Yep. Good news or bad for me news just gets a no reaction most times. Yay, "partnership". But really, now if I say anything I just want to say it outloud and don't care. I have no friends to tell it to anymore.

Sick

My narc co-workers told me her boyfriend only got his job because SHE wrote his resume. She also said she gets ANY job she applies for (she works retail. Sweetie if I had that ability I'd be applying for a better job). She also said every lottery ticket she buys wins something. When the jack pot was very large I told her she'd better buy a ticket. The next day she said she won a 'Free Play'. That way she still 'won' but didn't have to show any cash for it. Boss is totally smitten with her and cannot or will not see the girl's arrogance.

When I got my RN. The ex husband said "I would have cried if you hadn't passed"!

@heather 💯 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 When I realized he praised others and minimized my efforts, I knew the person's "goal" was to "devalue" me! Good riddance! What a Jerk!!!

@pasture green who are you to say who's bad or good? Its tiring how "normal" people can point out who's bad and who's good. Are they bad because they are not kissing your feet, bending over backwards for you? Are you "good"? I've seen sociopaths, accomplish more in the world than a "normal" person. The thing is though, all humans are both bad and good combined.

I love this thank you

No. Never love anyone...period

Oh I love that ;D

My girlfriend gets treated like what she is a total weirdo

Except in the beginning they love bomb...

Yes! I have this too! I grew up with a narcissistic mother (and enabler family) and only found out half year ago. And been healing since. But I sometimes, while watching videos or meeting new people, get this feeling too. Didn't realize what it meant until, like, a few weeks ago. Only for me it's not just narcissistic people. It's also other toxic people and enablers.

Yes!!!! It does!! Trust your insides!

Yes yes and yes some more!

Lol the spidey sense tingling

Oh wow! I want that! Very useful. I am so used to them / parents, sister, ex husband, boyfriends, friends - that I have isolated myself the last few years because I can’t seem to stop attracting narcs to my life. I’ve been doing a lot of research and hoping that will help me see the signs right away. Good for you for being so aware and knowing what that feeling in your stomach means!

Ive seen your comments multiple times, and I always appreciate the info and wisdom that you share.

@@gregschlatter6766 thank you brother. Means a lot . I wish you nothing but peace for I am still struggling to find mine

@@Niles-Guy so am I. Gaslighting is a POWERFUL thing. In spite of mountains of evidence, I still find myself doubting. I was having a conversation with about 10 family members last night, and not one of them had much familiarity with what a true narcissist is. One asked "isn't that someone who is in love with themselves?" 😂 If we couldn't laugh about it sometimes it would be too tragic to continue on. All the best my friend!

@@Niles-Guy personally, I think the main difficulty is in trying to walk the line between being informed (or many times jaded), and being the generally happy, optimistic person that still desires to see the best in others. My biggest fear is that my innocence lost may never return

@@gregschlatter6766 Awh you made the mistake of trying to explain to family about narcissist. They’ll Never truly understand. Only those who’ve been through the fire can one understand the experience of betrayal and manipulation. I couldn’t share nor explain to my family because of the humiliation of basically allowing myself to be abuse and tolerated it for so long . It’s best not having to explain what you went through but to focus on the journey to recovery . Because truth be told will never be the same nor recover the innocence lost. Focus on little things in life and if you are a spiritual person pray with all your heart and ask to heal .

Congrats on paying off that debt!! Narcissist probably hate hearing that because they want you to spend money on them instead.