I’ve found that narcissists will tell obvious lies when you first meet them to gauge our reaction. If you’re too polite to call them out they know you’ll be too polite to decline all of the other demands that they have in store for you. It’s game on.

I am one of the folks that had no clue that manipulative people existed. It was never explained to me. Fell completely into the hands of a manipulative and controlling man and married him. It wasn't until after 13 years of marriage and separation that I discovered what I had been dealing with. Divorced over a year now. Your videos have been part of me taking my power back and ensuring that it doesn't happen again.

Me. I am one of those rescuers. Now that I know better I can do better by myself. Thank you.

I have better radar now. If I feel something is off..im listening to my instincts from now on.

I don't normally rush to rescue but realize I have been a target of takers due to my agreeable personality. When I refused to financially bail out my then husband yet one more time, he wasted no time in shopping for another woman to use.

I quit rescuing people 3 years ago. The pandemic helped me stay away from most and self research showed me where I was going wrong. Thanks for videos by people like you Dr. Ramani.

I've always thougt I had a sticker on my forehead reading IDIOT MAGNET. This explains so much! Thank you ❤

My ex is a true, diagnosable narcissist and I continue to suffer from PTSD. I’m an empath and I know I’m an easy target for these kinds of people. I’m just thankful now I know what signs to look for so I never experience anything like that ever again.

I don't know what people out there may need to hear this, but there are nontoxic people out there who will let you rescue them and also want to give back. They're rare but you don't have to settle for people who will hurt you.

Getting rid of narcissistic people is like cleaning the house getting rid of rats😊

I have been around toxic people since childhood and most were not narcists (just toxic); I struggle being around non-toxic people...but I'm working on it! These videos from Dr. Ramani and reading the comments have been an incredible help on my healing journey. Thank you All!

The ex narc bf always used to say: "if you could love as well as you take care of someone, it will be awesome. U have no idea of how to love." I explained til I was blue in the face that my taking care of eg. him after an operation, was one of the way I expressed my love. The 1 is part of the other. He never got it. Its not nice to be told that you don't know how to love - probably just plain old projection

Love that line in Bojack horseman, "Turns out when you see the world through rose colored glasses all the red flags just look like flags."

Ever seen a rescuer pick up the tab and pay bills for a friend for months only to see the friend purchase a vehicle some time later? Yup. I've seen that and the anger the rescuer feels is made to seem like "bad mind" by the flying monkeys. Based on what you say, I am a rescuer. Now I see where the magnetism originates from. Thank you.

Affinity groups and support groups are targets too. Narcissists often leverage these groups to their own advantage, as they know how to play the victim.

Yes. I rescued my narcissistic, abusive partner. He took advantage from me all these years😢😢😢 I can' t get rid of him!

Wow! This was me 100%. My family (dad and 2 siblings) are toxic narcissists. It took getting into counseling for me to discover my own trauma responses that caused me to be walked on by so many people in my life. I always want to believe in people that they have the ability to be and do better. I am done, and now paying attention to the red flags and listening to my gut.

I hate my family they have drained the life out of me I am all alone my children were my peace and they’re grown now. But I have turned into a villain and I am regretful for all the love I gave out. It is a struggle to give it to myself but your videos helps me to not give up on myself even when some days are hard. Thank you Dr. Ramani you are awesome ❤️

You. Are. Enough!!!!! ❤️ Believe it. Transform yourself. See it, through educational means, for example, like through what Dr Ramani is talking about here. ❤️ Take the deep dive. I think it's the only way.

Now that I understand these people can’t be rescued, I think it’s time to rescue myself.

Thank you Doctor Ramani. This eternal optimist, trauma bonded, narcissist attracting Jersey Girl stumbled upon you in a desperate attempt to once and for all call myself out on the habitual patterns of attracting toxic narcissists. In watching just 2 of your videos this morning I feel inspired and encouraged. I sure am grateful for you 🙏

Oh man, this is me. The Rescuer. It took me years to truly see that I was being manipulated and used and that all of my efforts were being dumped into a black hole. I think the reason why I kept doing it is - 1) I just could not fathom that someone could be that unappreciative and such a user and 2) I felt like if I did stop then the N would leave me 😢. Eventually I got so angry and felt such contempt for the N and could no longer deny that I was in fact being used. When I did stop the rescuing and it turned into ignoring the N with all the woe is me stories, I was accused of being a cold heartless person. I spent years starting to believe I was and it was me who wasn’t being compassionate and understanding (I’m still struggling with this). I FINALLY, after a decade left the N and I’m now working on myself and focusing on my own patterns that got me into the situation. I’m channeling my giving to more healthy situations and people. For example, Hanging a squirrel feeder in my yard and focusing on supporting people who actually appreciate my cheerleading tendencies and put in the work to help themselves.

Oh Dr. Ramani thank you! I’m an eternal optimist but I’ve learned the hard way to not only see the red flags but act on them, finally!✨ I almost lost my optimism totally due to years of narcissistic abuse but now have more balance.

Looks like I am a multi magnet. I have been blaming myself for it all and have been really confused and a bit depressed. Thank you Dr Ramani for all the clarity that your videos provide for people like me caught up in the fog and desperately trying to find myself and the way out .

Wow Dr Ramani you literally said what I experienced! My ex boyfriend would never say thank you!

I used to be an optimistic rescuer, but the narcissistic relationships I was surrounded by have left me wondering if I’m stupid for believing that I deserve better than the abuse that I’ve endured my whole life.

Dr. Ramani the comments help, but your videos are the real help that we need to try to move on. Thank you.

The secret of awareness is a preemptive education. But it can't and won't come from those benefiting from the affects of covert subjugation especially when they migrate into positions of controlling others. Their mecca isn't given up lightly. A lifetime of habituality becomes a pathology. The secret of awareness is learning from those sharing experiences and those of ultimate qualifications as Dr. Ramini. Once the fog is cleared, your introspection a continuing education, it is a new day of gratitude free as never before.

Yeap that me. Unfortunately, that's why I am on the situation I am in.😢

I needed this, thank you thank you thank you! I finally got to the point of having to cease the connection and communication with a certain person. I was made to feel guilty for saying I was not comfortable with the constant requests for financial help. It was only after I got clear of the fog that I grasped an understanding of what the real situation was.

I want to take a minute and thank you for your videos and your information. I honestly can't even begin to explain how much you have helped me. Your videos have helped me get through my narcissistic relationship, but not only that, but it helped heal from growing up with a narcissistic mother. I will say your videos about BPD & NPD , how they attract each other. The way you explain it truly is a staple in my healing process. Thank you for not only this knowledge you gave me but also the validation that comes along in the healing process with BPD. It was the push I needed to know I should never doubt myself or what I feel.

Morning DOC we love you. 💛

Thank you for being so helpful to those who need it. I was there, and you helped me through it. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

Thanks, Mom! I feel safer and more whole. O, dear - my inner child has become a ventriloquist - with a keyboard! 😊

Once you realized what your dealing with, it'll be too late. A narcissist doesn't believe they need saving, they believe you and everyone else is the problem. And in the end, you'll be the one needing rescuing from the NARCISSIST!

I am a rescuer & the day I put in a boundary my covert husband of 20yrs left me. He left a note in the sock drawer for me & has not spoken to me since, totally cut me off

My experience is that when you rescue another, they have all the power. Boundary-setting only leads to more knuckleheaded behavior on their part. I’m done with it.

I was a rescuer several times. One time I met a guy online and he gave a sob story of not having a job and people were going to kick him out to the streets. I took him in and was driving around for him to look for jobs. He was just a couch surfer. It was around Thanksgiving time and I wanted to surprise him with a turkey dinner from the hospital. I went home on break and found my laptop open to a chat room. He was using my apartment to hook up with guys when I was gone. This time he was at the other person's place. I came home from work, packed him up and drove him to his home town in the middle of the night.

Thanks You. Please continue to help.

I have mild dissociations and C-PTSD because of narcissistic abuse in childhood and adult, violence trauma... I have VERY intense bodily reactions when in or after situation where I sense something or someone is "OFF". During past 2-3 years I've had encounters with narcs and I react SEVERELLY just because my sensors tell me "watch out, that person has put themselves above everyone else" and so my internal narc alert goes on I get all these detrimental bodily reactions, like freezing, zoning out, paralyzing, getting numb, loosing words, intense fear... I can get into the freeze response so intensly I cannot get out of bed for days! Even writing emails is hard because my eyes are so heavy. And I have to shower A LOT to somehow feel I exist... I wish I could get to this point where I could just take a note that that there's a dangerous person - ok - and move on from that WITHOUT all these inhibiting mind-body reactions. I wish I could convince my subconscious self that narcs cannot get to me anymore, narcs cannot harm me any more; I have power over my own life now.

Since watching Dr. Ramani from January 2023 to today April 2023, I have let go of every narc that had been in my life, family, friends- (males narcs love love love me, I was a magnet as large as the Sun!) think they want relationship with me -banished! and my generalized anxiety has almost completely vanished, the tension that I have held probably all my 62 years(scapegoat/recuer in family of origin) of life has diminished almost completely, my narc brain fog is all gone, the more I learn the more I refuse to be that magnet ANYMORE for anyone. Got a ways to go with forgiving my ignorance about narcissism, Knowledge is power and when used with discernment, becomes wisdom and wholly crap, that is liberating in ways I never imagined. Both me and my 34 year old daughter with Downs are super- dupper empathetic, I can even see now how the partners in my past have used her to to not only worm themselves into our lives, but weaponize "there love and devotion to her" as a tool in there belt. Some one give me "Bull***t" amen!

Thank you Dr. Ramani it’s so true thank you for all your help over the years♥️😘 Yep years and years of getting sucked dry of every penny I ever made by my parents and my siblings all under the name of trying to help them no appreciation (I’m the oldest and scapegoat of the family) (raised being told I was responsible for my siblings welfare & finances) and no thank you and thrown away when I was in trouble myself because of them after helping them for years definitely the narcissistic family dynamic I had to go no contact and as hard as it was (10 years now) I’m still glad I did it because being part of it was harder too much lying stealing & betrayal and heart breaking I still love them but from a far far distance 😢💔

To me each type of rescuer seems like different stages of one... at least with myself anyways. I could not stop myself to the point of breaking myself in every way but my last nervous breakdown was my last straw, like I gave to a point to where I broke so badly that I thought to myself "I had Enough" but I actually meant it that time. I grew up with alcoholics and drug addicts and being the oldest I did feel it was my job to watch over everyone. Then I started drinking to keep my pain at bay so I could keep on my feet and keep going, then my mental state started failing me and my breakdowns made me feel guilty and kept me around. "Learning the hard way" I guess is what others called it. Now I can't stop seeing symptoms in people and seeing what they are actually like when Im around them. Im happier and healthier its been about 5 years sober and 6 celibate still can't stop helping family but Im picky as to which ones now.

What about dealing with narcissists in power (supervisor, doctor, police, etc.) while having no support system?

After 5 years I just got discarded from a guy who I thought was my soulmate but he was pretending to be bisexual and into to me meanwhile he was looking for my replacement entire the time while meanwhile bending my reality and mind he discarded me and then called me back only to say he needed a place to stay and I was his last option or he wouldn’t be calling me he also called me a demon and told me something wrong with me the neurological pain I’ve struggling with is awful…..I already had chronic depression but this was a hit to my soul

waiting for part 2 was like waiting for a series cliff hanger 🤣 again... Doc sending you huge love and light and so much gratitude!!!!!

04:59 "I've got a broken tooth and I don't have dental insurance." You get the drill. Funny play on words. Haha.

Yeap!! That's me!! 100% rescuer and a magnet! A fixer and to boot, empathic!

Rescuing others.Its a huge lesson once they turn on u for setting proper boundiaries. Trauma ..yes I still have it just want to be left alone....they just zom in on us. They seem to think our kindness is a huge weakness

I'm trying to change this rescuer pattern, to a more symbiotic and mutualistic relationship. Not gonna lie, it's kind of hard to figure out, who won't abuse or take advantage, but I guess it's about inspecting and paying attention to detail when selecting friends and colaborators.

YES, we know who we are!

Oh my beautiful Doctor 😅 Exclusive | New the best 👍🏻 Thank you for contribution! Thank you very much, for everything! Thank you! And love you! 😅

This video is so relieving to know that it's not us who are at fault and we shd not be ashamed of our good traits which they always Target

Rescuer here. If her back story is like my mother's? Here I come to save the day. I've learned my lesson. Edit: 10mins in and sheesh. It's like Dr. Ramani based her description on my experience.

Awesome!!!! So thorough!! Needed this reminder and reinforcement. ❤

This is an absolute masterclass of info.

I'm pretty sure you can't avoid them completely when their family,. I was in a black hole with three kinds just last week.

Five years in a friendship with a person who introduced himself as a person who hates empathy and was born without it. Has never once said the words "sorry, love, thanks, please" and I'm in the middle of an ending that is not going to break my bones. thx for being here.

This is 100% me😬 my entire life comes into focus with a single video

This is so me. 🎯 I just had to cut off a friend of 30 years...I just could no longer withstand her chronic neediness and manipulation. I tried so hard to be a good friend but wound up emotionally drained. I can not tell her why I did this....she can quickly back me into a corner verbally. I am not good at defending myself. Even so, I feel horrible for cutting her off. This did not come easily for me.

"The most beautiful word on the lips of mankind is the word “Mother,” and the most beautiful call is the call of “My mother.” It is a word full of hope and love, a sweet and kind word coming from the depths of the heart. The mother is everything - she is our consolation in sorrow, our hope in misery, and our strength in weakness. She is the source of love, mercy, sympathy, and forgiveness". *-Gibran Khalil Gibran* †

Spot on!! Always, so spot on... Thank you so much for this clarity!!

Thank you for the timely reminder.

Wow, Doc.."a narcissist in optimist clothing", huh? How are you today, Doc? 🌹 That's a pretty heavy and truthful way to put it. I've lied about a lot of things in life and to deny that would further that fact. But..there are some things in life that you can only "bury your head in the sand" over for so long before you're forced to acknowledge them. This is one of them. As they say: "when life comes down to a few moments, this is one of them"..as well. - 🦂

Thank you, Dr. Ramani ! You have helped me so much !!! Much love to you !

I love your voice and advice. You always make me feel forgiven whether I need it or not.

thank you doctor ramani. a dose of sanity

Thank you for all you do Dr Ramani

Part of the manipulation is subliminally encouraging the victim to believe the narc can and will change. Thanks for your wisdom.

There is a special place in hell for people like that!

Thank you for all your movies. You are a Ray of sunshine on a cloudy day

Incredible information so helpful!

please note Dr. Ramani took me 24 years get out from the most abusive narcissistic, husband and his family as I called evil narcissistic, that cost me dearly with 33 years of court litigation, my 3 children took their father to court and divorce him legally , the children see 33 years ago who is their father. my support system were friends, my lawyer , and even the court system and most of all G-D , but as you say is never end with those people. 🙏

Very helpful, thank you ❤

Thank you for this ❤

Actually, when they are aware of the harm, they blame the victim for "failing".

I am 7 out of those ,and now I'm a hermit bcs I'm tired of being taken advantage of, so now i rescue cats and dogs,im autistic too and i have hyper empathy and feel ppls pain,and i have a lot of compassion i was rescuing kittens since i was a little kid,but rescuing,forgiving and all the rest with humans takes it's toll in the soul.

You are so helpful Dr Ramani and once again a Lighthouse through all the nonsense. 💯🙏

❤ Loved it!

I started asking people for help when I need it instead of just helping others exclusively. I found out how few people would return the favor.

Haha i just commented in another of your videos that this should be teached in middle school and you just said it too ❤

Love your channel!

Dang it, Dr. Ramani! The only one that I haven’t had at any point was the healthy, happy family. I thought it was except for constantly telling the social worker mom that she was emotionally abusing me. I remember noticing was a rescuer in grade school, so I made a point to stop that when I felt it peeking out. I still can fall into that trap but I catch it really early now. My optimism sometimes bordered on delusion, so I tempered it with hyper vigilance. Then, I married a truly immature narcissist. I divorced him but still see the FOO issues to address. Luckily (optimism), I’m built for this. I may not have had the love I wanted fro family or in my marriage, but I’ve raised amazing kids and have lots of talents to grow further. I mean, I turned a frog into a Prince that’s galavanting about like God’s gift. I’m sure I can love and heal myself and become someone less likely to keep repeating these patterns. Thanks for this resource. It helps a lot!

Okay you have my attention!! You are so right!

😭 I come out of a good family. Finding out about narsasism through my daughter's nightmare fiance and his family, opened my eyes that I am in a narsasistic marriage too. I knew there was something wrong, but I did not know it had a name. Narsasism. It shuttered my trust in all people and I could not cope with this new reality. I feel I am loosing it.

Thank you so much Dr. Romani. Your work means so much to me. You've really opened my eyes as to why I keep falling for Cluster B's. I have every single one of those traits from part 1&2 of your magnet series. You've probably saved me years of therapy and definitely years of going round and round. I am extremely grateful to all the hard work and sharing of knowledge you have done. Honestly, I probably was at the point of trying to change myself into a more pessimistic toxic person out of some sort of "What's the point of being nice if no one else is" at age 45. I'm currently in a 5 month old relationship with a narcissist (most likely malignant) and have recognized the red flags since date #1. Why am I still here? Most likely feeling bad for this person and giving a second chance (I must be on chance #6 to be honest). Now I have the hard dilemma of find the humane and kind way of withdrawing... (again of course being the sucker for hoovering that I am). I sincerely wish there was a way for me to show my gratitude for you and your saintly work that you have done for humanity. ❤ You

I was totally blinded to this man's flaws because he was a good dad. Just because he's a parent doesn't mean he's not a lying, cheating, gaslighting user going through a sad midlife crisis.

Thank you so much for this Dr

What works for me is ...to be - .ALERT .ADULT .ASSERTIVE .AUTHORITATIVE Juuuust...staaart sloooowlyyyy......

Thank You❤️🕊️❤️

❤❤ Amazing! Now i know why i sufferred. I was a magnrt. i learnee ao much. Thia ia so empowering.

Oh boy I can relate to this on all levels . Im really grateful for these videos. Don't remember how i ended up watching Dr. Ramani, but only after that I began to understand what's happening. I tried to rescue my siblings , and took care for them almost a year in other country ( even if one person told me not to, cause our both parents are alive). After learning about this personality style many things came to make sense. I also reescued narcs woth money when I myself was in bad shape with money. I'm not doing these mistakes anymore. I'm not that naive as i was a little time ago. Amazing what problems you can avoid having knowledge.

Dr Ramani..thank you for helping me understand myself better. I do beat myself up a lot. I wish I knew more about codependency and narcissistic traits in my past. I have been in therapy since age 20... I'm 57 now and ended a 23 year marriage of codependency and narcissistic traits. I do have empathy for my ex husband and he is my childhood friend. He shared a lot of the same childhood trauma as I. But he also stuck it in a box and spent his years trying to fix me, as I felt pretty good, strong, independent entering the relationship. However,, 9 years in.. it was killing me. I stayed until our daughter was 18. But it has been the worst experience leaving but the best for myself. I feel new, free and more like me. I do have sadness, my ex husband , and daughter were my longest stable life. We are all only children so our family dynamic was very close and unique. He did set the stage for years ,, planting seeds and knowing someday I would leave and feared it. My daughter has been the pawn and its been very painful to watch. I failed her by staying too long. That is my biggest regret.

Her studio set changed!! It looks so professional! I remeber the kitty and chair 😁😁

Nailed it!🎉

Viktor E. Frankl says that staying in unnecessary suffering is masochism. I was taught to hate myself, but that chapter is over. I can see from the past how the two narcs danced a masochism waltz between themselves and then exercised their self hatred on the innocent. I will NEVER go back to empathy for them. I have been going through poly vagal theory treatment for cptsd, and following the path of self love to my own healing. That is how I found you Dr. Ramani, on the path of self love. 🙂

Sounds like the dynamics of romance scams.

Dr Ramani I hit the "like" button several times but was unable to do so. Hopefully your team can fix this situation.

Thankyou !

I agree it should be taught in school all over the world!!!! Thanks to you Dr. Ramani - I thank you for bringing these patterns we narcissist magnets have to be seen. I thought I could find a normal boyfriend, but all my life I have been drawn to these narc types in different shapes. I was not so much aware that these patterns will follow in such serious ways. It is as if I was harmed in my youth already and from there my relationships to men just gets worse and worse. To some degree I come from a normal family and thought I could love their bad behaviour away - as you say in the video. The only thing that happened - was that I was loving myself away- in my first relationship I had serious stomach ache for 6 years from my 24th year to 30 years old. I have no narc friends - on that point I am very good at getting rid of bad people. Recently I had a sort of relationship, it was mad - I fell in love with him because of all his love words.- though I knew about narcissism. I noticed the signs, but at the same time I was in denial. Now he has ran off with another ......(victim). After having just been kind to me for 9 months I think for getting sex. And he works where I live, so I have to meet him- it is like hell. I feel so silly and stupid. And I am devastated - really sad though I ought to be relieved. - Dr. Ramani s videos helped me out of a 10 year long narc relationship 1 year ago- as I then did not know anything about narcissism - what an eye opener - before I did not know what to think - but I felt so so bad.