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Why Are Narcissists So Argumentative?
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Күн бұрынWhen difficulties or differences arise, healthy people dialogue cleanly, seeking clarity and understanding. Narcissists have not developed that skill. Armed with the notion that they must teach you a lesson, they go straight into the stubborn, argumentative mode. Dr. Les Carter describes how this works and how you are not required to play along with their dysfunction.
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@TallSilentGuy 2 жыл бұрын
1) Talking over you. 2) Dodging questions. 3) Trying to put words into your mouth. 4) Abruptly changing subject. 5) Playing dumb. 6) Expecting you to prove everything while they are required to prove nothing. 7) Utilizing every logical fallacy in the book. Normal people argue to establish what's true and what isn't. Narcissists argue to wear down the other person until they give up through exhaustion.
@lindsayabernathy6033 2 жыл бұрын
Could not agree more
@TallSilentGuy 2 жыл бұрын
Btw, I'm pretty sure this list is not exhaustive. If anybody wishes to add to the list please do so!
@majlordag1889 2 жыл бұрын
Putting words in my mouth happened many times, it's so annoying
@lynnefisk9774 2 жыл бұрын
That's exactly it! I keep telling myself not to argue but I get drawn in. I feel I have to defend myself. I can't talk without being interrupted and unheard. There is NO talking and discussing.
@Pink-Butterflies 2 жыл бұрын
🎯🎯🎯🎯
@nursekathy4480 2 жыл бұрын
Every narcissist, I have ever had to deal with, starts the fight then yells “I’m tired of fighting with you”.
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
And yet they keep on doing it! Dr. C
@dianamolina8712 5 ай бұрын
Wow!
@MarianneCatherine 4 ай бұрын
My husband says the same thing! And I always say "I'm not fighting with you, I'm trying to have a conversation!" 😲
@irinaivanovic9792 3 ай бұрын
YES!!! omg!
@JAS-co9dn 2 жыл бұрын
Every mole hill became a mountain, every disagreement became a fight to the death. Nothing was ever resolved just an endless circle that went around and around. So glad its over with.
@CaliWeHo 2 жыл бұрын
😞✔
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
Yeah! You got out!
@nana820able 2 жыл бұрын
I'm very happy for you. Fighting is no way to live.
@polskigirl8547 2 жыл бұрын
Oh how I remember the "circle back" arguing and never ever coming to any resolutuon....glad I'm free for 3 years now....wool hoooo!
@zoilacolon3204 2 жыл бұрын
This is called word salad in the narcissist world. You will never come to a solution.The will make you go in circles.That is not healthy in a relationship.I am talking from my experience.So look up Word salad and it's meaning.I hope this can help you. 💪👌
@kaddylady5853 2 жыл бұрын
They're argumentative to the point where even when you agree with them they want to argue!
@BillYoder 2 жыл бұрын
I know right.
@76482 2 жыл бұрын
So true!
@fatimahsharpe9113 2 жыл бұрын
Hahaha....yes...I have a friend who will say something and I will agree with her...then she'll get her heckles up and say "we'll just have to agree to differ" and go off in a huff 😂
@tranquility9325 2 жыл бұрын
Yup
@cacatr4495 2 жыл бұрын
They're not happy unless they're arguing and miserable-making.
@lorinapetranova2607 2 жыл бұрын
Rumi said "the answer to a fool is silence."
@des1180 2 жыл бұрын
💯
@ashton1952 2 жыл бұрын
Yup it makes them go nuts. I calmly asked him if he was looking for negative attention. Then they get rude but if that doesn't work either; after time they can even turn to physical violence out of frustration.
@lorinapetranova2607 2 жыл бұрын
@@AA123TD very interesting.
@MarianneCatherine 4 ай бұрын
Silence is truly golden ✨️ 💛 😊
@ASpootifulMind Ай бұрын
I guess you could slightly modify that old saying: "don't argue with a narcissist, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
@lifewithapurpose237 2 жыл бұрын
They are so argumentative: because they hate being *wrong* (almost beneath them to be so), but mainly due to the fact that they *hate* for YOU to be *right* 🙈 🙉 🙊
@fredflintstone8048 2 жыл бұрын
I find that they don't believe they're wrong, and that they MUST correct the other person. So you're wrong about why they're argumentative.
@lifewithapurpose237 2 жыл бұрын
@@fredflintstone8048: my experience taught me that they *truly* believe that they can do no wrong, if so *it was somebody else's fault*
@Ski7440 2 жыл бұрын
Yeah - they’re right , your wrong They’re smart , you’re dumb , They’re big, you’re little and inferior and shameful !
@foxiedogitchypaws7141 2 жыл бұрын
@@lifewithapurpose237 it is Always someone else's fault.
@lifewithapurpose237 2 жыл бұрын
@@foxiedogitchypaws7141 @Foxie Dog : for sure, mine barely if ever acknowledged or *owned* that they were at fault, and when doing so, they *minimized* the *damage done* by them. Went like this "Oh, I know I did not handle that *well* " referring to the abuse they inflicted on our children and me to get taken into *custody* for assault family v10l3nc3. ²⁴nov
@brstfr7126 2 жыл бұрын
What I find exhausting is the utterly predictable need to argue about or contradict or qualify the most innocuous statements. "Nice day out." "WELL IT'S GOING TO RAIN THIS AFTERNOON." "I did the laundry." "BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE GIONG TO DO IT THIS EVENING." "What a nice painting!" "IF YOU LIKE THAT KIND OF THING."
@cindyi8471 2 жыл бұрын
Omg this, I know exactly what you speak of! Completely maddening
@debrarayter8256 2 жыл бұрын
Toxic people. It's a war to get along with them. I've learnef.
@mattdonna9677 2 жыл бұрын
The person you describe has a CLONE living in the house with me.
@G.G.8GG 2 жыл бұрын
Amen!
@vermajaeger3507 2 жыл бұрын
@@G.G.8GG wow ! I was beginning to think it was a normal response after being with one for around 20 years , very draining
@unbrokenpieces-potterandcl7235 2 жыл бұрын
I like how this guy actually tells how to engage with narcissistic people with kindness rather than just cutting them off. However, I know that in some cases you just have to cut them off for good
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
Goodness is desirable, but as you say, sometimes the recipient has no willingness to receive it. At that point, moving on is an option too. Dr. C
@rosalindd1386 Ай бұрын
You can't be nice to someone who is raging mad at you or harassing you ! I had to call in help! Just because I said no more!
@Dsgn7 2 жыл бұрын
So TRUE! My ex is the classic narcissistic bully. Always judgemental, always argumentative. I would call them "circle arguments"... going around and around in circles, never resolving anything. Dragging the past into every argument. He could never take responsibility for his own actions. Took many, many years, but finally free!
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
Alina, I don't like arguing. Mine would rehash over and over all kinds of stupid things. Really the dumbest things. I told him, you remind me of a woman. He seemed so unreal with his tit for tat...and I avoid women like that.
@Dsgn7 2 жыл бұрын
@@christineplaton3048 I agree, I don't like arguing either. Two intelligent adults SHOULD be able to have a difficult conversation, and discuss differences. This is impossible with a narcissist. They gaslight you and try to twist your words. I finally learned to stay silent and observe. (This would infuriate my ex.) But I slowly built back my self esteem and am now free of him and all the drama.
@AlwaysStampinVideos 2 жыл бұрын
“Circle arguments” -good way to put it. I call them “the crazy cycle” or “the crazy hamster wheel.” I’m not a dumb hamster. Staying clear of the spinning!
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
Always Stamping, nah the narcissistic hamster is running like crazy, wants you to try to jump on, maybe get a foot in a rung and spin off. Misery loves company.
@gillianbrookwell1678 2 жыл бұрын
Same here, constant put downs, never taking the blame for his actions and my life was controlled from day one. I stuck it for years while my children were young, and now I've been free from him for eight years. I had to have counselling to try and recover. I'm glad you're now free Alina.
@MoonLight-gm6zm 2 жыл бұрын
This is soooooo true! No matter what the argument is about, the narcissist will always turn it back on you and blame you for whatever they want. They are just sick in the head, really. They looks like normal people, but in reality they are deeply disturbed individuals who belong in a psychiatric hospital. I actually wish there was an asylum for narcissists.
@randytusha1 2 жыл бұрын
There is, it's called Congress.
@Sarah_270 2 жыл бұрын
You wish that? That someone who challenges you is to go in a psychiatric hospital? Have you ever thought about the real incarceration for mentally ill people? This is just your point of view, others have theirs. Anyone who disagrees with you or calls YOU into question belongs in an asylum? Maybe you're a narcissist?
@MoonLight-gm6zm 2 жыл бұрын
@@Sarah_270 If you think that a narcissist is just somebody who "challenges you", then you clearly don't understand narcissism at all. Besides, in my comment I talked specifically about narcs, not at all about challenging people.
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the honest, and very real comment. I can relate, and I agree. LOL! I believe another narcissist is best equipped to get along with them & they could all have each other in some sort of lock-up. (And, Seriously, ignore kitteh, who’s purpose is apparently just to be rude. He or she thinks it’s their job to censor people.) .
@mikediamond353 2 жыл бұрын
Another purpose they might have is to foster confusion, doubt, chaos, discord, anger, division, and recriminations. Coincidentally, these are the exact things used by the devil to establish his territory.
@SurlyMiss 2 жыл бұрын
It used to shock me every time my narcissist would accuse me of having intentions I never had. It would shock me every time they would completely twist reality and flat out lie and be willing to fight to the death to defend that lie. There have been so many things that have left me stunned. It helps so much to understand why. At times I really thought I was going crazy.
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
They have a very loose relationship with truth.
@CG-ll9js 2 жыл бұрын
Everything turns into an argument with them criticizing & putting you down.
@mattdonna9677 2 жыл бұрын
Yes, it is maddening to have someone argue, criticize, or debate EVERYTHING you say. So I rarely speak now, giving her no fuel. It is like living with a bratty child that no adult ever said no to when they were being raised.
@lenebrantley221 2 жыл бұрын
This is no way to live. Free yourself.
@mattdonna9677 2 жыл бұрын
@@lenebrantley221 I agree, trying to get out and not lose my personal property. The hateful nature of this narc will be to interfere in the exit, so be it.
@elizabethf9096 2 жыл бұрын
yessss I think that's it my narc mom picked my sis to be the golden child she was spoiled rotten and now my sis is a malignant narcissist adult
@Pam74055 2 жыл бұрын
@@mattdonna9677 Same here. I would be out tomorrow if the finances weren’t a huge issue. At least the love and GAF are gone for me. That makes the pain much less. I can’t count the nights I have gone to bed completely torn up.
@mattdonna9677 2 жыл бұрын
@@Pam74055 I understand exactly how you are feeling pam. The love is gone. I hope you can get out and someday find someone who knows to treat you well. Dr. Carter is our island in a sea of despair and he will continue to help us. Thank you for your message.
@texuztweety 2 жыл бұрын
The biggest single Red Flag to watch for is the arguing
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
Yes, it is in conflict that a person shows his/her character. Dr. C
@timothydraper6626 2 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes it does, there's a person who never reciprocates with an apology when I text one if we've both argued, I just get thanked for the apology with no acknowledgement that they may have also been out of turn. It's an interesting pattern to notice after watching these videos.
@AlwaysStampinVideos 2 жыл бұрын
The covert narcissist i dealt with never argued with me until we tied the knot. And even then, he did it in a way that always made me think he was “just trying to discuss things.” So insidious!
@AlwaysStampinVideos 2 жыл бұрын
I wish i had had the red flag of arguing BEFORE saying “i do.”
@gillianbrookwell1678 2 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism I put up with his behaviour for years, not realizing how controlling narcissists operate; I'm finally free. Thank you for your very informative videos.
@davidyardley512 2 жыл бұрын
Because their stamina for disagreement, getting negative attention and draining your energy is limitless.
@pamelatitterington2453 2 жыл бұрын
That's what my sister did to me for years, it drains everything out of you to the point of exhaustion,
@t.h.8475 2 жыл бұрын
100%
@gracegwozdz8185 2 жыл бұрын
@@pamelatitterington2453 my sister tooo! She was bent on destroying me all my life until at age 73 she called the Police and accused me of elderly abuse of our mom, when it was her wrongdoing! Projecting as usual.....
@Robidu1973 2 жыл бұрын
They are like black holes that siphon off the very last ounce of your energy. That's what keeps them going, and it's also the reason why they have to move on once their supply is depleted. They leave utter destruction in their wake.
@ethanhill9460 2 жыл бұрын
That's lifeblood for those vampires.
@simonvance8054 2 жыл бұрын
I recently tried telling a narcissistic control freak about her appalling arrogant behaviour. It didn’t go well!.. Narcissists and psychopaths have no empathy, you cannot appeal to their conscience if they don’t have one. My lesson is to never engage such people again, it’s like talking to a brick wall.
@TheBobuantony 2 жыл бұрын
Make a fire wall
@arleneclawson1407 2 жыл бұрын
Im begining to wonder if there's a difference
@gerardt3284 Жыл бұрын
Yeah because they're incapable of being reasonable and honest. Their brain will scramble to control the situation in whatever manipulative way possible.
@lifewithapurpose237 2 жыл бұрын
my experience taught me that they *truly* believe that they can do no wrong, if so *it was somebody else's fault*
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
Life with purpose, yes they cannot accept their imperfections, they can do no wrong, want positions of power. It's all the power dynamic. These people have no right to be placed in powerful positions. If they were destructive, they did damage. Don't let those victimized by them see their victimization as nothing. That is the cruelest thing, to deny the reality of wrong doing. Then elevate the criminal
@msliberated3899 2 жыл бұрын
@@christineplaton3048 Well stated and excellent hearted.
@foxiedogitchypaws7141 2 жыл бұрын
@@christineplaton3048 , exactly. 🤗🐕
@shiny7301 2 жыл бұрын
Exactly true👍
@juliecozzaglio944 2 жыл бұрын
@@christineplaton3048 OMG! That is so true. They're Never wrong or so they think. I have already been to court after my divorce with my narcissist. During my divorce I didn't feel well represented by my own lawyer. I was so distraught and severely depressed I know I didn't pay enough attention to details in the divorce decree. Unfortunately my own lawyer rushed me through many of the stipulations in the divorce papers and through the process of the entire divorce. The other day a friend of mine and I were going over the divorce decree together and my mind being in a different way than 1 year ago we found a few things I was taken advantage of in this case. My lawyer should have seen and caught these issues. Is it too late after about 1 1/2 years ago to find a different lawyer and go back to court for some changes in the paperwork?
@HandbrakeBiscuit 2 жыл бұрын
"I'm NOT arguing, YOU'RE just being WRONG..."
@AlwaysStampinVideos 2 жыл бұрын
“I’m not arguing. I’m just trying to have a discussion with you” (so that i can keep telling you you’re wrong.)
@cassandracarrizo6429 2 жыл бұрын
🤣🤣🤣
@debascher7089 2 жыл бұрын
I love Dr. Carter’s quote “AND DON’T GET INTO THE PIGPEN WITH THE NARC!” How true!!!
@Truthseeker-lf5kn 2 жыл бұрын
@Mary Carroll I did the samething with my mom. Not proud of it!! But at the end, I came out feeling like I was dragged through the war zone. So it can go in the other direction. I'm glad that you learned just how strong you are. For me, it left me feeling exhausted, tattered, and very wounded.
@mdee860 2 жыл бұрын
I always used to wonder why having a different opinion from Narcs was so threatening to them. It never made any sense to me. As a highly curious person, how is anyone supposed to learn something new, if you can't even have an intelligent conversation or discussion as to why someone thinks or feels the way they do??? Their errupting anger over any difference of opinion (& it can be over a benign topic) - was just baffling to me. Thanks for this wonderful description & explanation Dr. Carter!
@dianac5764 2 жыл бұрын
My narc sister is furious that I don't like the type of beer she likes. She orders a dark beer and I order an amber ale and she flies into a fit.
@mdee860 2 жыл бұрын
@Mary Carroll - hi Mary! 😘 They really are so exhausting. I will be forever grateful for Dr. Carter!
@mdee860 2 жыл бұрын
@@dianac5764 - it would be almost comical.... except for the fact that you (we) live this. Stay strong 😘
@susanrhodes5681 2 жыл бұрын
M Dee - I looked at things the same. Why not challenge your opinions? Learn new things? Can't we agree to disagree?
@mdee860 2 жыл бұрын
@@susanrhodes5681 - It's just so bizarre. With some difference of opinions, it would trigger a full on rage, complete with swearing at me, calling me "a blanking idiot" etc., etc. Why my liking or disliking a random "thing" mattered that much to him... I'll never fully comprehend. This video does help me start to understand, but still, sheesh 🤯
@ariengabriella 2 жыл бұрын
I find the best way to deal with a narcissist is to remove yourself from their presence.
@sifusubtitles 2 жыл бұрын
Narcissists don’t listen, can’t follow logic and can’t be reasoned with. Don’t waste any time with them, it doesn’t lead anywhere. Thank you Dr Carter, I’m always amazed how accurate your description are and your videos give great comfort!
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
EXACTLY! You said it so well, and you’re so right!
@Sarah_270 2 жыл бұрын
and when someone disagrees with you...and you feel at your core attacked? Are we talking about a narcissist attacking you or your inability to accept criticism ??? Have you even taken time to think about it?
@momdiva6431 2 жыл бұрын
@@Sarah_270 What are you saying?
@MegaTrivial 2 жыл бұрын
@@Sarah_270 - smart and insightfull. I guess w need to distinguish between rational positive criticism with intent of correcting someone, and irrational negative criticism with the intention of attacking, defeating or harming one.
@Sarah_270 2 жыл бұрын
@@MegaTrivial Thank you, criticism is there to make us think about what matters to us. Without it we'd be operating in a vacuum. To know what hurts and what angers us is to bring us closer to our selves.
@mommabear6473 2 жыл бұрын
They start 99.99% of every argument too! I've stopped allowing them (my family narcs) to come into my home & steal my peace. I miss the them occasionally but not enough to play the game! Nobody needs to have a narcissist ruin their life!!
@juliesmithson5726 2 жыл бұрын
I think they are energized by arguing.
@carlosbetsens9390 2 жыл бұрын
What a clear depiction of how a narcissist reacts when confronted with his shame! It is painful to see how a narcissist in a spiral of acting and shame wants to destroy others in order to survive their own shame.
@le_ciel_bleu02 2 жыл бұрын
They lack even one ounce of humility. They believe that they already know everything that they could ever possibly need to know, so if someone disagrees, they must automatically be wrong -- and it's not okay for the other to be wrong, as the narcissist needs to seize every opportunity to demonstrate his or her astonishing superiority. In my opinion, if a person is extraordinarily proud of their beliefs, the beliefs are often questionable. There's no need to be excessively proud about knowing the obvious.
@Maki-00 2 жыл бұрын
With my ex, I couldn’t have a normal conversation. No matter how benign or lightheaded the topic was, it would turn into an argument and me being bullied for daring to have my own opinion. Once, he even had the nerve to say that my opinion was wrong! I’m older than him and even if I talked about things that happened before he was born or that happened in my childhood when he was nowhere around, he’d still act like he was the authority on what did or didn’t really happen. This is the same guy, who got into a shouting match with a family friend because that person liked British comedy and he didn’t! You can’t have any real conversations with a narcissist!
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
@le ciel blue: oh la la, oui oui. Mon marie Francais, Mon amour la Morte. Pardonne moi je ne parle ne pas Francais...mon gouli mon Marie.
@cbholmes4739 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Le Ciel! I'm writing down what you said about people who are extraordinarily proud of their beliefs- that's a very keen insight. And very true. I'm surrounded by those people and theres no such thing as having a lighthearted pleasant conversation- everything is fodder for their superiority over all of us mere mortals.
@MJ-qb5ph 2 жыл бұрын
YES!
@carolnahigian9518 2 жыл бұрын
yes The lack of humility equals; they cannot grow or learn. They age BADLY.
@prince6a 2 жыл бұрын
“Pathological defensiveness”. True beyond. “Emotional weakling.” Yes they use strange internal logic to defend themselves when no defense is needed. They must shame us! They avoid accountability! Everything you’ve said is true.
@umeshg9107 2 жыл бұрын
When dealing with a narcissist GO DEEP Do not Defend Do not Engage Do not Explain Do not Personalise Dr Ramani Durvasula
@zeerose6413 2 жыл бұрын
Yes, my husbands favorite question is "Why are you arguing about this?" or favorite phrase is Im not going to argue about this......then blame me as if I am the one who ALWAYS argues about everything. He can NOT have a conversation or discussion without thinking I am trying to argue with him.
@businesslady3075 2 жыл бұрын
This is my husband too. Conversations still exist lol
@UnknownUnknown-yl1lt 2 жыл бұрын
Leave him. He is toxic
@ashton1952 2 жыл бұрын
Round and round in the manipulation game...
@zeerose6413 2 жыл бұрын
@@UnknownUnknown-yl1lt .....Leaving is not an option. Im kind of stuck
@melaniesteyn8508 2 жыл бұрын
My husband too, I wish we could just have a normal discussion like two adults with different opinions about something without the need to "win" and ridicule the person for having a different opinion. Different opinions are seen like someone attacking his whole belief system which of course is the only right one.
@Ski7440 2 жыл бұрын
They sure do make stuff up as I go along and have no regard for empathy … “You “ is their favourite word , and what follows is about shaming and blaming “you “
@Parrotting 2 жыл бұрын
Your comment sparked a thought. A lot of people who are on the other end of the cluster B spectrum say ‘I’ a lot. Narc: ‘you’ did this. Because ‘you’ always ‘your’ fault borderline: but ‘I’ think, ‘I’ am, because ‘I’ It’s like they are trapped kind of bouncing off each other’s egos because they are externalising emotions that happen to fit hand in glove.
@marcirobins5144 2 жыл бұрын
It’s “you” when it’s negative/blame/shame, it’s “I” when they want to take all the credit, and “who” when they’re looking for somebody to blame.
@bonnieforman9700 2 жыл бұрын
Wish they taught this in school. I hope young people who have family members who are narcissists listen to these videos because there is endless suffering with narc parents.
@angelakh4147 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you again, Dr. C. I was “raised” by one, married to one for 28 years, and now married to another for 10 years. Only in the last 18 months since my retirement have I had the free time to focus on myself and really learn what’s been going on in my life: why the constant lingering unhappiness, why the relationships that are so filled with pain, why I can’t ever seem to manage it or get ahead it. I never would have dreamed that I would FINALLY get the answers, learn so much, and feel so supported by KZfaq videos! Really? KZfaq videos?! But I am thankful for them every day, and yours is one of about five or six channels that I look at every day. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your wealth of caring, knowledge, and understanding that you share with the world. You are helping me change my life into something beautiful that has the potential to be more than I ever dreamed possible.
@Sarah_270 2 жыл бұрын
Maybe it has something to do with YOU? You really think all those times are just "Bad luck". Are you an enabler or maybe YOU are the one who's actually been wrong and you just can't or won't see it. Nothing is ever EVERYONE else's fault!!!!
@lemurianchick 2 жыл бұрын
@@Sarah_270 She never said that. She said she was learning about herself. What triggered you, narc?
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
Yes, me too! It has taken me about 18 years to figure it out, thanks to you tube, amazing, wonderful & caring people, like dr, Carter. No doubt you’ve found them as well, & Richard Grannon has excellent videos as well on narcs.
@nicolamills8003 2 жыл бұрын
That kitteh, keeps replying in a real negative way to people's comments. Ignore him/her/ it. I'm so sorry u have had 2 marriages the same. U poor thing. But yay for you tube ay. 27yrs..just learnt myself what I've been living in!! I wish u a life of joy.
@jameschild1321 2 жыл бұрын
Isn't funny, when you finally realize, It's time to work on yourself, so you get that darn target or what I liked to call the Neon "V" off your forehead... Yes we have things to deal with, but that doesn't mean we're responsible for their behavior! Have you found the crappy childhood fairy yet on utube? I learned a lot there too. Stopping the cycle, better late than never IMHO. God speed 🙏
@castaway123100 2 жыл бұрын
Usually they don’t argue in the traditional way , they constantly interrupt, contradict and pretend like they didn’t understand you.
@rg2027x 2 жыл бұрын
True....mid sentence, mostly. I'll respond "excuse me, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?" only for them to keep yammering anyway. I love their pretending "not to understand" BS. All to gaslight you into feeling like you're some incoherent mess.. It's hopeless, any real communication with these toxic creatures. Narcs don't hear you either, nor care to. They don't listen to understand, they "listen" to reply and talk all over you. Unfortunately we must interact with them at times. go Grey Rock as much as possible. Never explain, justify or overshare 👍 ❤
@dannaanna5557 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you 😊 for clarifying the argument issue. I don't like or want to argue either! Recently went no contact with my sister and her family. Best decision I've made in a long time! I'm nearly 60 years old and really tired of being their scapegoat. No family left to make me pretend like I'm the person causing the problems. I guess you could say that I grew up in a fake world and I'm finally waking up from a nightmare. God bless and Happy Thanksgiving 🦃
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
Nightmare, ie NARCISSISTS trick or treat... Another good subject
@foxiedogitchypaws7141 2 жыл бұрын
Hey, same age only a bit older. You may really want a family, sisters ,brothers, marriage mate, relative's but sometimes your family may not be blood related and have fur instead.
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
Foxie, don't let narcissism embitter you to never trust again. A furry friend isn't exactly the answer. We are needing love and care and nurturing. Don't be afraid to reach out for friendships. Share the good memories put those old ruminations away. It's still a beautiful world. Offer your best self to another best self.. it's difficult to meet others when we live in isolation. So we need to find a good place to mingle with like minded people. Hobby...dog walking...anything.
@lorinapetranova2607 2 жыл бұрын
@@foxiedogitchypaws7141 blood related can be just as psychologically challenged as adopted family and the adopted family can be quite unhealthy. I'm being kind here. I even told my birth mother that sometimes I can't entirely see how I fit in to either side of my family from what I've known so far. It's like opening a box of crackerjack. You never knew what kind of prize you'd get.
@AlwaysStampinVideos 2 жыл бұрын
Enjoy your new found peace! You deserve it!!!
@DavidDrummondTX 2 жыл бұрын
I've seen many people mention the circular arguments. IMO that is the most maddening and crazy making, and completely exhausting thing they do.
@shelley7975 2 жыл бұрын
Agreed. That's why you never get anywhere with them, and nothing changes. They have to talk in circles because it always has to come back to them to save face.
@georginafronda496 2 жыл бұрын
Oh so true and exhausting
@Sarah_270 2 жыл бұрын
Maybe they are trying to get their point across to your brain?
@swirlingbutterfly3031 2 жыл бұрын
@@Sarah_270 ya they want to feel superior because they are cheap inside i just pray to god plz teach a very good lesson to such people
@liblib1815 2 жыл бұрын
@@swirlingbutterfly3031 Me too. I pray God everyday.
@snickereye5875 2 жыл бұрын
"THEY FEAR YOUR SEPARATE OPINIONS" YESSSSSS! It was so hard to realize this, but i felt so free when i did because now i know its not me, its him
@Angie69 2 жыл бұрын
I was always AUTOMATICALLY WRONG, because I solved problems in a different manner than the Narc.
@jackpetersen7545 2 жыл бұрын
Yo Angie,You got a lovely smile 😊
@Nancy-yw1rr 2 жыл бұрын
In my case, I think my ex argued mostly to exert control. He could be very loud and threatening, and he wanted to be the decider on basically everything. I was supposed to keep my mouth shut and just go along with whatever he wanted, and if I didn't, there was always trouble.
@kimberlysmith7311 2 жыл бұрын
Hey, I'm so glad your not with him anymore. 💞💨💨💨
@le4983 2 жыл бұрын
Same here! My ex had to have the last decision on everything! I couldn't decorate the house because it had to pass his likeability. I couldn't plant a single plant around our new house because he didn't want to maintain them or like the look of the particular plant. And I'm a Landscape Architect! Now that I have my own house I feel so free to do what I want!
@foxiedogitchypaws7141 2 жыл бұрын
@@le4983 isn't it the best feeling to do what you want? I wasn't allowed to hang one picture, be gone longer then 5 minutes, he wanted control over Everything thing and for 30 plus years and belonging to a religion that tells woman men are their head. Woman have to be obedient to what he tells you, . Jehovah witnesses. No longer part of the cult. You can try to keep your marriage working but when they want to kill you , when is it time to say "I'm done"? They will not change. It is like carrying a concrete wall on your back up hill in the night blind folded without shoes on! It is better to have nothing and live in peace then have everything and live in fear.
@suzanne4396 2 жыл бұрын
The beginning of the end began 3 weeks ago, when I told him - he was a narcissist - he was Not the boss - things were not how he said they were. His word wasn't law. He's been disintegrating ever since ... Finally, free.
@suzanne4396 2 жыл бұрын
@Nancy. I'd often tell him he needed a blow-up doll, who just nodded yes. Not a human.
@LinYouToo 2 жыл бұрын
One of the best ways to respond to all of the projection is in simply saying: “that’s possible” with zero emotion. Works like a charm ;) Repeat as necessary. They can’t figure out what to do with that. You were saying it’s possible but anything is possible and you are not agreeing. Whooo hooo!
@justdawndb 2 жыл бұрын
Interesting tactic, I am going to try it.
@sherylsalazar4822 2 жыл бұрын
One night with my narc while he was arguing with me , I just kept repeating yep that's terrible, yep that's terrible, finally he gave up and figured out my tactic.
@Pam74055 2 жыл бұрын
Will give it a shot! I hope 2022 is the year I finally make the decision to escape. I’m over it.
@jennyanderson4796 2 жыл бұрын
🦃🍂🏵🤍grateful for your tip !
@CaliWeHo 2 жыл бұрын
😆😆😆
@brendakaye34 2 жыл бұрын
"I will not get into a battle of wits with an unarmed person" - my mother said this years ago and I will never forget it!
@marinap4371 2 жыл бұрын
Love it! Your mom is one wise woman!
@sallyebrahimi7491 2 жыл бұрын
Once I start trying to explain myself he is already talking over me.
@Robidu1973 2 жыл бұрын
Then stop playing his silly games and don't engage in the argument at all.
@usewisdom2 2 жыл бұрын
Dump the fool
@bluecollarlit 2 жыл бұрын
Pretty nice kitty in your picture.
@keepitkawaii4467 2 жыл бұрын
They argue because they want to control you. An argument with a narcissist is the worst thing on planet earth. You will leave feeling like you were in the ring with cassis clay. The point is for them to exhaust you...not have a dialogue. They do not tire like you will. It gives them life instead. Break away from the argument if it's safe to do so, and quietly work on getting away from that person
@megw2359 2 жыл бұрын
This is exactly my experience. It's manipulation, it's about wearing you down, and either making you cave to whatever they want, or if you start behaving badly under pressure, then they can manipulate your feelings of guilt and your sense of reality even more. They do not tire of the argument, they merely gear up for more, and more, and more. Argh! So glad I'm learning some good strategies for maintaining equilibrium, dignity. Things are getting better since I changed my strategies.
@BrianSmith-lo3mj 2 жыл бұрын
"Arguing with a foolish person makes you look foolish" Those are some priceless words. It's almost like arguing with a narcissist is like arguing with a young kid but the only difference is the narcissist is the same size as you or twice the size as you are with maybe twice the strength.
@ghost-user559 2 жыл бұрын
“Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself.” Proverbs 26:4
@Truthseeker-lf5kn 2 жыл бұрын
"Arguing with a foolish person makes you foolish." Wished I knew that 3 or 4 yrs ago because it is so true.
@ghost-user559 2 жыл бұрын
“Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself.” Proverbs 26:4 This gentleman takes a lot of the quality things he says from the scriptures. Most people don’t realize God already gave us all these pep talks thousands of years ago. We just need the reminder.
@bodybalancer 2 жыл бұрын
Never argue with a fool, people at a distance can’t tell the two of you apart
@mustang-sassy 2 жыл бұрын
My dog passed away recently and your snoozing pup really made my day - thanks for including your little ray of sunshine!
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
My dog had died about 3 months prior to me getting Gus as an 11 month old rescue back in 2015. He's been a vert good companion. I know you miss yours. Dr. C
@mustang-sassy 2 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism You and Gus are very lucky to have found each other. It will take me longer than 3 months, though I did get a grief journal called "My Brave Dog I want to say...", definitely a good idea!
@brandonlott1717 2 жыл бұрын
I can't have any type of conversation without her arguing. I have been strong when I needed to be and kept out of the pig pen. But I have made a lapse in judgment and hopped in the pig pen and watched her immediately seize the opportunity to call me "crazy" when that's how she looked to me THE WHOLE TIME. It is a level of disregard I did not think existed. I am 26. Very little family. Was in foster care from 12 to 19. I have been through alot. But being treated this way by somebody truly is one of the worst things I've ever experienced. I care. I try. I get walked on in return.
@foxiedogitchypaws7141 2 жыл бұрын
Brandon, cut your losses and get out. You have a good 50 years or more to have a Great life with a partner who values you for you. Don't stay in the pig pen ! 🤗🤗🤗🐕
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
Brandon Lott, you deserve the best relationship life can give you. This is a journey. I'm hoping you find a kindred soul ...that Anne of Green Gables line. Wasn't she the stormy one. Anyway,. This community here is an affordable way to find understanding folks. It's important to not be afraid of the future. Study this, get those red flags down pat. Then work on finding a true friend. It's still a beautiful world. Remember the meditation... Desiderata. Have a nice season of Thanks. We are never alone...in this community here.
@brandonlott1717 2 жыл бұрын
@@foxiedogitchypaws7141 Thank you.
@brandonlott1717 2 жыл бұрын
@@christineplaton3048 Amazing community. Amazing people. I am glad I found this channel.
@AlwaysStampinVideos 2 жыл бұрын
Glad you’re here, Brandon! Keep listening. Keep learning. Keep working your way AWAY from narcissistic people. That is the way to the Light where you will find peace. You deserve it!!!
@sarahhanson5005 2 жыл бұрын
Dr C thank you for these videos. I've finally stopped arguing with my father, there is no point to trying to convince him, as you say. It just keeps me caught in being his arguing partner, which I no longer want to be. Now I just say "well, I see this differently," or "hmm, that's not my experience" and MOVE ON. I can tell he's frustrated and keeps trying to bait me into new arguments, but I just keep refusing, and it feels so much better.
@AlwaysStampinVideos 2 жыл бұрын
Enjoy your newfound peace! Loving a parent from a distance (even when standing right next to them) takes practice. You deserve peace!!!
@realhealing7802 2 жыл бұрын
Narcissists can't resolve any problems. You will just argue about the same thing over and over again. I just totally stopped talking. I have nothing to say to unreasonable people.
@cymbolichuman433 2 жыл бұрын
I actually just said: "I don't gotta explain shit" They don't get it and I don't care.
@7EmpathicBeauty 2 жыл бұрын
Same!!!
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
Good job! Freedom!
@MrClintL 2 жыл бұрын
I’m not going to argue with a narcissist for two minutes, or having another thing to do with her. In her eyes, we’re wrong, stupid, at fault, and beneath her no matter what. So why should we have anything to do with someone like that?
@Sarah_270 2 жыл бұрын
Because "she" might have a point.?
@MrClintL 2 жыл бұрын
@@Sarah_270 “She” will be convinced she has a point, that she is right, and you’re wrong, stupid, inferior, and beneath her- no matter how obvious it is that she is wrong. I can’t stand people like that, and I don’t know why any self-respecting person would. My younger sister would not tolerate any more of her abuse and cut off contact with her 16 years ago. Why should we have anything to do with someone like that?
@lemurianchick 2 жыл бұрын
@@Sarah_270 Yup, you're a narc. Online, narcs are trollish. They deliberately try to provoke people into confrontations because they are energy vampires.
@Sarah_270 2 жыл бұрын
god forbid anyone should challenge you
@mikediamond353 2 жыл бұрын
Ha-Ha!!😄
@annewalker3422 2 жыл бұрын
I had an encounter with a very controlling "friend" yesterday. I hadn't seen her for a while so thought it would be ok. Wrong!!!!!! She was so negative and provoking. It wasn't even a conversation. It was me saying something which she just contradicted and twisted. But when she started blaming me for something that happened weeks ago and putting on the poor me act I knew it was time to leave. She was pushing me to react and I didn't. I just said see you soon and walked away. It saddens me though that she can be so nice to everybody else. I'm not prepared to be her emotional punchbag anymore.
@willytompkins8115 2 жыл бұрын
Because they think you NEED their friendship. And are desperate.
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
Yeah! 💙💕💙 Soooo Awesome that you walked away & didn’t get hooked!!! 👍👍👍 Don’t feel bad for long. Narcs need supply, and they create conflict to engage us & get that attention via power & control.
@marcirobins5144 2 жыл бұрын
Don’t do that again!
@G.G.8GG 2 жыл бұрын
Good for you! I once had a former friend corral me at a community function & start in about how everyone was doing everything wrong. When I offered an opinion she reacted with an exaggerated surprise that I could be so "misinformed " and then called me later to tell me how to run my life. I firmly replied I didn't need the help but she persisted. After another warning I simply quietly hung up. When I next saw her she said we needed to discuss my "bad behavior." I said excuse me and just left.
@cjk6736 2 жыл бұрын
@@G.G.8GG They were never a friend.
@wifferstess2824 2 жыл бұрын
Same reason they are always in victim mode. It's all about keeping up and protecting the false self.
@harpsailorharp6716gg 2 жыл бұрын
yep ... my father and tbh my mother too ...both love to look.like poor me victims and both seem to enjoy being miserable...both are not animal lovers and tbh both are cold ....thet are also divorced too btw but so similar. for example ..mi got my mum a lovely garden ornament ...it is beautiful and I got it delivered and sent to her and it was 105 pounds for xmas ...I also got her her fave cd and went to a shop to get it and I posted it 10p oif miles away where she lives....she received both and do you know what she sent me days later in the post 7 days afte(r for xmas )...a large box ...containing sweets. biscuits ...all amassing to 10.00 and btw they were all unwrapped...... it told me everything... in Not a greedy person but even a wooden 50p elephant from a charity shop and joss sticks would of been better .... x My brother was recently in debt .... she found 600 and bailed him out .... I've never asked her for 5 pounds ... x
@ducky8072 2 жыл бұрын
I have been with my narcissist husband for 37 years. For the longest time i thought it must be me for the arguments he started. Always belittling me amongst other things. It wasn’t until recently that i started to do some research about behavior like this and found that he is exactly a narcissist. I have watched many of these videos for support. I finally realized after all those years that it wasn’t always me. I could never do anything right. He is a lot older now and i feel he may have gotten worse or is it the fact that i dont care to argue with him any longer and it agitates him? Thank you for bringing these videos as they are extremely helpful for me.
@user-hx7mi7ml8u 2 жыл бұрын
Why do you want to live another year “38” with that kind of treatment? Haven’t you had enough now that you FINALLY understand him? Time for you to be free and not have to deal with his issues. He doesn’t treat you with “love, honor, and respect” as he vowed to. His ego is too skewed to ever have known how. Don’t waste the rest of your life dealing with and regretting staying with this jerk!!
@usewisdom2 2 жыл бұрын
@@user-hx7mi7ml8u agreed however, if she stayed that long , seems like a lifetime, she probably succumbs to it like Stockholm syndrome. Too bad , it keeps them from having the inner power to leave and even if they realize they lived a lie and left, they would return to their abusers.
@silverfish8059 2 жыл бұрын
I can relate. Similar wake up for me, after 28 years with mine.
@liblib1815 2 жыл бұрын
@@usewisdom2 Not always. It is very hard to leave a narcissist. Initially you don't realize later on they become like devils. Even when you leave them they will make sure you remain of no use after that. I guess freedom from narcissist is only possible if they die.
@bluecollarlit 2 жыл бұрын
"it wasn't always me" It was never you. Now, have fun on a new path. Put on the Rolling Stones and turn it up, my friend!!
@jeankruis183 2 жыл бұрын
Celebrating 5 years away from my narcissistic husband. I am able to decide who I want to be instead of being who I need to be to keep from arguing. Thank you again for another excellent video. I always come away feeling good about my choice
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
Congratulations on your freedom and happiness, by being brave and getting away from the narc !!!
@arbaknumbskull 2 жыл бұрын
wow 5 years, congratulations
@netpunk5890 2 жыл бұрын
I can’t say I’ve never been argumentative, but I have a rule, I don’t resort to name-calling. It doesn’t make the other person see your position any better, and you’re reducing your partner to something non-human, and it’s disrespectful in ways that a person can’t just take back. My narc ex, however, would always use abusive language towards me, and I remember one time, after plenty of arguments where I maintained my own boundaries, I thought that maybe if I tried that language back on him, he might understand how bad it makes a person feel to be called a “b****” for something as simple as wanting to sleep when you’re tired at night, but narcissists are simply incapable of thinking “oh wow, it hurts to be on the receiving end of my words and actions, I’ll change.” Take it from me, don’t stoop to their level. I tried it twice in a three year relationship and I know it was wrong, but I was desperate to try to make him see how much he was hurting me. Ultimately, he didn’t care, accountability would have destroyed him, and he’d rather destroy me than risk bruising his precious, fragile ego.
@deb9784 2 жыл бұрын
Actually, keeping one up at night is part of the plan to keep you fragile! I used to wonder why he would start conversations just when I was attempting to sleep?! Had to get up early! I'd say let's talk tomorrow, I'm up early and don't want to get upset! All to no avail! This is now not negotiable at all! You Tube has been a god send! Who knew?
@wanderer410 2 жыл бұрын
Who else agrees that Dr. C would be really cool to hang out and chill with?
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
I'd be honored. I have a very comfortable patio at home and I'd love to have a Friday night there with plenty of members of Team Healthy! Dr. C
@i.m.watching5536 2 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism Oh my goodness!!!This would be so much fun.😁❤
@wanderer410 2 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism Honored to have received a reply from you!
@e.conboy4286 2 жыл бұрын
@Mary Carroll: Ahhhh, Dr. Gus, the Philosopher. I think he knows more than he’s telling! 🐾 ❤️ 🐾 Liz
@gillianbrookwell1678 2 жыл бұрын
I wish I'd married somebody like Dr. C.
@MoonLight-gm6zm 2 жыл бұрын
You can't ever successfully communicate (or argue) with a narcissist because they don't get that a communication is a 2-way street. For them it's always a 1-way street - they talk and everybody else is to shut up and listen. They are so pathetic, really. They are like a 2 year old child in a grown-up's body.
@pamelakelley5535 2 жыл бұрын
Thank u Dr. C, having lived with this for 5 yrs I began thinking I was losing my mind. He had me going to counseling thinking I had the issues. The choice answer was NO! My psychologist finally told me it was him and diagnosed him with Narcissism after speaking with him. It made me question myself and my own integrity. I finally left this and am rebuilding my life.
@yvonnemariehorvatr.h.n.nut3315 2 жыл бұрын
I knew it!!! That the word would be "You". He uses this all the time. Today, he hung up on me when I started talking about accountability. I am also watching me for triggering points to overcome things and with all this amazing sources of information I am recognizing patterns where I have got caught in ignorance about hidden methods they use before and now I am seeing what I didn't see before. Sad on many accounts what Narrastic people do and the great length that they go to maintain their fragile image instead of changing.
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
Keep learning, Yvonne! You know I'm pulling for you! Dr. C
@keepitkawaii4467 2 жыл бұрын
Look into logical fallacies. Narcissists use these ALOT and they work well. We should be teaching about logical fallacy in early grade school so that people are more equipped to deal with these arguments. I wish id known about this when I was a kid, because then I wouldn't have internalized all the shame. If you know something is BS, you're less likely to give any emotion to it.
@Hugging_Cactus 2 жыл бұрын
the holidays are not my favorite time of year anymore. i’ve grown accustomed to the shallowness this time of year highlights for malignant narcs. this is the time of year they clean things up. in a matter of days, Narcs will nail the coffin shut on those they destroyed or try to in the recent past. and they cultivate their new supply and managed image. across the country narcissists are living for the moment they can sit among sheep and just smile and ‘Prey’. On everyone they see.
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
NazCool, yes we are the sheeple, preyed upon and the Churches are rife with argumentative dictators. Slinging mud at other denominations, hell bent in their narcissistic religious fervor. The narcissist is not a realist we are told a large percentage of ministers, priests etc are major narcissists. Those congregants are enabling the worst or the worst...financially as well as giving credence to their twisted religions. It's a mess since people still attend churches, knowing pedophiles are leering, seducing the innocent. They win the arguments from the pulpits. Sheeple. Blind, obedient, codependent...
@cymbolichuman433 2 жыл бұрын
Is that what those things are? The stone creatures on the tops of Gothic structures...
@southernbawselady7092 2 жыл бұрын
@@christineplaton3048 I am going to save your comment because it's 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 TRUE!! I Just left the Jehovah's Witnesses ⛪ since childhood. I finally went behind the curtains and I had to leave to keep my sanity!!.. Thanks so much for validating my experience! Let's stay woke!! 👠👜👒
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
@Southern Bawse Lady, Be strong. It's never say to row against the tide. We were big boats. And being so little they can drag us down in the wake. It hurts to have spiritual confusion. We had high ideals, believed we were on a good path. We hoped for the best. It's a true Narcissistic relationship, they love bomb us, want puppets, just fill that collection plate and feel loved. Just do what we say because we know everything and you don't. I guess the universe made humans weak, needy at birth for a reason . Unfortunately society is so broken down families are not all friendly and cohesive. This includes church families. It's important to have a social network of like minded friends. I hope you have a good life ...to the best of your ability. Understanding narcissism is crucial to survival these days.
@southernbawselady7092 2 жыл бұрын
@@christineplaton3048 Yes, I'm in a much better place now. Thanks so much for your words of encouragement! 🌻🌻 You are correct learning about narcissism is a MUST, it is the only way to survive in this world! Stay safe and blessed!
@susanmunoz7688 2 жыл бұрын
I want peace and dignity more than I ever want the ugliness of being manipulated into being what the narcissist is inside of their evil and empty.heart, that’s not who I was to start and it’s not who I am now
@AlwaysStampinVideos 2 жыл бұрын
Amen! Keep surviving!
@susanmunoz7688 2 жыл бұрын
@@AlwaysStampinVideos thank You Stampin . I wish you a Blessed Thanksgiving ❤️
@cfjohnson7369 2 жыл бұрын
When I want to say "I know you have a fragile sense of self" I know the narcissist will just double down. The truth hurts sometimes.
@raff5604 2 жыл бұрын
Once again Thank you!!!!! I am a safety coordinator in the construction industry. I have had to deal with a Narcissist that is a site superintendent that physically and verbally assaulted me last Wed. Dec 1 2021 I filed a formal complaint with his company and every thing that i studied and researched came to fruition. This gave me the strength and foresight to avoid further conflict with this individual. I am currently working to remove this person from the job. I feel this person is a danger to my fellow brothers and sisters and I am will to risk my career to eliminate this cancer from harming anyone else.
@thewilltoheal8186 2 жыл бұрын
You are right Dr.C. I know I need to take my power back, Speak peace =Say very little... Know peace = Don't argue... Strive for peace.. Control my emotions ....Live peace=feed myself not them. They love our energy. ✌🏾✌🏻✌🏽✌🏿☮️💯
@gillianbrookwell1678 2 жыл бұрын
My mother summed it up with my ex narcissist husband when she called him an 'Emotional Cripple.' Arguing with these individuals is futile and if you try to continue, you end up banging your head against a brick wall; totally losing it. Out of all the 40 years I spent with this narcissist, I never witnessed any empathy.
@tessforbes8687 2 жыл бұрын
How were you able to keep your relationship with your mother, as narcissists try to isolate their victim from their families.
@ysmithriley 2 жыл бұрын
@Gillian Brookwell IDK, that might have been better than the FEIGNED EMPATHY my Narc presented. He made it seem like I was the "UNCARING ONE" if I told my feelings about a situation. Little did I know the scenario we were discussing was something "NOT SO NICE" that he'd done in the past.
@keepitkawaii4467 2 жыл бұрын
My mom is a narco/sociopath and it never fails to surprise me what little empathy they have. Never. It's unfathomable. Im still not over it and I'll never forget this side of her
@BillYoder 2 жыл бұрын
They are merciless.
@deirdreevangelista856 2 жыл бұрын
I call them "emotionally retarded" because they are emotionally stuck at a two year olds development stage! Lol...
@ECSizemore 2 жыл бұрын
I was in a dysfunctional relationship for 8 years with someone who has all the hallmarks of a narcissist. I’ve lived thru this and it’s been damaging. I really wish I could find a loving partner who is good for me and vice versa.
@laurelvance5533 2 жыл бұрын
They offer others a steady diet of negativity. Everything that comes out of their mouth is negative.
@texasorange285 2 жыл бұрын
Breathe in.... Breathe out.... Going home to Chicago.... 1st time in 3 years, to stay a week. I am so ready and mindful ... growth mindset. I love me.
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
You got this! Best wishes to you! Dr. C
@unconversantcallowincandes1540 2 жыл бұрын
Safe trip Texas Orange 🧡 "growth mindset" is spot on, great approach and don't forget to laugh it off, take a walk, and find the one you're there for!
@seajayart1147 2 жыл бұрын
Accountability for injuring me, albeit accidentally, amounted to the narcissist swiftly and viciously hurling the "you's" back at me with vitriolic lies, inaccuracies and accusations. So bizarre. It seemed like an unnecessarily cruel response. Thanks you, again, Dr. C., for clarifying the narcissistic use of this "you" tactic, it now makes sense. You have helped in my healing every step of the way for months now as I continue my recovery. The delightfully cute Gus helps too. Please give him an extra head pat from me.
@user-qv9nw1dq2f 6 ай бұрын
Arguing with a foolish person makes you look foolish and arguing with a narcissist is nothing but making noise. I prefer being calm, cool and collected. Living with dignity, respect and civility. Narcisistic drama, trauma and chaos is not my style. Thank you dr Carter ❤God bless you❤
@brg2743 Жыл бұрын
An argumentative person is full of pride. Hard, harsh, and pressing. I am learning to just leave the conversation.
@georginafronda496 2 жыл бұрын
What I used to do after one round of crazy argument is to say to the ex “what ever” and walk away. It drove him mad and he’ll say you know I am right that’s why you’re walking away. My response was “what ever”! Crazy people!! Dr Carter I always stayed true to myself and even that lead to name calling from him. He would used my indifference to bait and push my buttons. Some days I got caught out and would bite the bait. Then I was called a nasty person and a bully. You just can’t win. In the end I lost all respect I had for him because I caught on he was a narcissist and he received my wrath when he pushed too far with his crazy arguments. In the end I kicked him out after one of his nonsense arguments. Enough!! 17 years of his abuse and making me emotional and physically ill- I was done. Filed for a quick divorce and told him not to contest it as I was done with his BS. No contest and 4 months later I was divorced from him this year. Good riddance to him. Unfortunately we have a 10 year old we co- parent so I keep mini no contact. To be honest I think he’s scared of me. Don’t mess with an Empath!!
@nana820able 2 жыл бұрын
I think underneath it all my husband is afraid of me too. Afraid I'll leave and he knows he needs me more than I need him. I'm disabled so it would be very hard for me but after we sold the house I'd get half and could probably live alone simply. That's fine with me as I require very little and only want a peaceful life. I believe a lot of my physical pain and continued problems would go away.
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
Wow! Fantastic! You got out & I’m so happy for you!
@usewisdom2 2 жыл бұрын
Right on girl
@keepitkawaii4467 2 жыл бұрын
Us empaths get told all the time we are weak. But it takes strength to feel so much and we aren't dumb. So glad you finally took out the trash
@YH-tl6iu 2 жыл бұрын
Over the last 5-6 years, I hadn't been able to put my finger on it but realised recently that my youngest son is narcissistic. He has all the behaviour's and its soul-destroying. My husband is intimidated by him and my son knows this. I hate what he does to me emotionally and has made me feel like a horrible mother. I look forward to him moving away from home. My eldest son has some traits as well. Have to admit, I've not really enjoyed motherhood.
@jerrieelaire5016 2 жыл бұрын
I finally had to “no contact” My 51 year old daughter. It’s really sad but I cannot go on with her any longer. So if I have to spend my holidays without her it’s worth it. I just cannot tolerate her behavior any longer so I will not reward it.
@joanwilkins8795 2 жыл бұрын
Dear Jerrie Elaire. I am just about to no contact my daughter who is 47. Sick of being worn to a frazzle with her nit picking nasty comments on my opinions and my life. It has got to the point where I shudder at the thought of her coming into my home and I am now 74, quite healthy and I deserve some peace. Thank you so much for putting up your comment.
@love4rightreasons60 2 жыл бұрын
I'm 51 and free from a controlling narcissist mother. First Thanksgiving to not be around the manipulation and lies. A new beginning long overdue. Some parents are just horrible to their adult children.
@beverlyorlando8040 2 жыл бұрын
You, you, you! 1)"why can't YOU ever just agree with me!" In his mind, having my own opinion or not agreeing with his is a sign of disloyalty. 2)"Everything I do is for YOU!" 3) "YOU'RE not listening!" Usually what he says when he doesn't like what I'm saying. 4) YOU always or YOU never! Always speaks in nonsensical absolutes! Trying to discuss the simplest things with him has always been futile & emotionally draining.
@tallguy8937 2 жыл бұрын
Argue, and to appear tough, they go into a rage while they humiliate you. It was the straw that broke the camels back 4 years ago being tag teamed by my brother and mother. I walked away. It was the hardest thing I ever did taking it on the chin and not fighting back. It was the right decision but not very satisfying at the time. I got more work to do on myself cuz it still makes me angry I took that verbal beat down 😵💫
@e.conboy4286 2 жыл бұрын
Tall Guy, I understand your feeling of frustration here, but I see YOU as a Champion! Not knowing your age, but your reaction required the maturity and self control that your relatives lack. I’m in a similar situation. Let’s continue to follow Dr Carter’s advice, I’m finding his talks very useful. Stay true to yourself.
@tallguy8937 2 жыл бұрын
@@e.conboy4286 thank you and good luck to you 😎 I’m 56. Been doing this since I can remember. Started looking into what was happening cuz it wasn’t working and nothing will ever change. Learned from these videos how to begin to handle it. I’m no contact and moved to another state. It feels good not having drama constantly, but it’s gonna take time to unravel it all after all those years 😎
@usewisdom2 2 жыл бұрын
Be proud of yourself. You did great, now onward with a new life. But be sure to use your discernment next time around before engaging with anyone else. Of course, we all need to work on ourselves and find out why we attract such creeps into our lives. Do shadow work, starting with learning self love
@NigelJackson 2 жыл бұрын
You'd feel much worse now if you had participated in their emotional lunacy. Maturity is not engaging them at their own level.
@katadam2186 2 жыл бұрын
@@tallguy8937 remember what he’s telling us all they are manipulative and their explosive arguments out of nowhere would only get worse, the triangulation is horrible.. one of them is making lies up and the other follows and good chance they are both narcissistic! It’s absolutely disgusting behavior and they know what they’re doing, they love cutting others down to feel superior.. they aren’t superior and it’s bullying behavior
@phyllismiller134 2 жыл бұрын
One can never win with people like this but you can win by walking away . Better to be along than with a person like this . They love to hear themselves talk so let them talk to themselves .
@stevemoss7793 2 жыл бұрын
I've watched quite a few of these videos now, becoming increasingly depressed at the discovery/recognition that I have been in this sort of relationship for 40 years. I feel I've lost my entire life to this person. I hadn't however realised that there were all the comments, and it would seem a community to engage with. I feel desperately sorry for anyone else who is in this situation, but a bit better for knowing I'm not the only one. I have no friends or family to turn to, so if I can talk to people here who understand what's going on I'm sure it will help.
@fredhubbard7210 2 жыл бұрын
The last time I tried to have a conversation with my (now) ex.. She said "We don't have a problem... You ARE the problem." I wish I knew this 60 years ago. My older brother and my mother went at it continually... It is the soundtrack of my life. This is pure gold.
@debradavis956 2 жыл бұрын
I wish we could all get together and have a anti-Narcissist meeting.
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
I'd love it. Dr. C
@Magneticitist 2 жыл бұрын
I think this counts =)
@kelligray1848 2 жыл бұрын
I’m in the middle of divorcing my Narc and your work here has been so incredibly helpful! I cannot thank you enough. 💗From Alaska
@SurvivingNarcissism 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks Kelli. I wish you well in your time of transition. It can be stressful, but there is light on the other side! Dr. C
@southernborn1358 2 жыл бұрын
Our daughter has created an entire fantasy world, an utterly untrue version of her childhood. Our younger daughter absolutely tried in every way for years to tell her that’s not AT ALL the childhood she remembered.
@MemoryLane23 2 жыл бұрын
I am exhausted. My 42 year old son argues and tells me he's just making valid points. There's no end to it. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. The flip side is he's my son. I love him. He's bi-polar and he can be so loving. But he's just trapped in that revolving door. Hes dragged me in there with him. First l suddenly lose the man l was to grow old with and then my son thinks he needs to be my savior aka my controller. So much for my golden years.
@zellerized 2 жыл бұрын
Best explanation I've found.. how are people matching these traits so perfectly across the board?? Emotional weaklings.. so true.
@janetpressler7787 2 жыл бұрын
My sister went as far as to turn my brothers and my sister-in-law against me by telling lies about me. When i confronted her about it she changed the subject and never did answer me.
@whatsupchannel3047 2 жыл бұрын
Been involved in something horrible recently, the stress is unbelievable! Stood my ground and asked them to please leave , as they left this person threw nasties at me , I wouldn't afford them a reply . Was verbally attacked four different occasions in four weeks .its draining get rid of them !
@margueritebaca3921 2 жыл бұрын
Love it... "Head for the exit." 😂😂🤣 That strategy is emotionally intelligent, dignified and works like a charm. Thank you! Trying to be rational and fair with this type of personality will have you going in circles like a dog chasing it's own tail. LOL!
@jackpetersen7545 2 жыл бұрын
Marguerite Baca,You look gorgeous 🌷🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
Emotionally weak, fear based. How to teach them Emotional Intelligence? This is what they lack. The empathic person...feels and processes emotions, they are stoic with a lack of ability to connect to another with true care and concern.. it's all about them.
@fnspears 2 жыл бұрын
They can't be taught because they don't want to learn.
@christineplaton3048 2 жыл бұрын
Felicia, they don't want to learn because they already know everything. You are supposed to bow before them and understand this!!!!? So, what IS YOUR PROBLEM? They are. And, they like to be your problem. I said to mine, you enjoy harassing me he said, " whatever it takes to get my way". With not a care in the world for what his shit sessions cost me.
@foxiedogitchypaws7141 2 жыл бұрын
Look up the word , sociopath. These people may act like they are listening, but the whole time they are convinced it's your fault and If anyone else knows what the problem is, they have to say something bad about you, convince them you are the problem and they are always working and providing everything you want,( that is such a joke ) It will never work with a narcissist, I think they don't have a heart .
@ruthkriz1302 2 жыл бұрын
When the narcissist in my life starts an argument based on my having a different opinion I simply state, "If two people always have the same opinion about everything, then one of us isn't necessary," and walk away.
@donc7247 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. Carter. This was instructive message for the day where I epically failed. Everything is an argument or complaint. I have days where I am just exhausted. The only constancy is dysfunction which can be very tiresome.
@BillYoder 2 жыл бұрын
They complain constantly and blame you for everything wrong in their life. I was married once before . In her sick mind, she considered me a cheater because I was married to someone else before her. This all long before I ever met her. What? My ex moved on and remarried and had a family with her new husband. Zero threat to her in our present relationship. She argues and complains and blames everyone else for her self made problems. It never occurred to her that maybe she is them problem. Zero accountability.
@catherinedonnelly1025 2 жыл бұрын
They will start a fight over anything & everything Don’t respond & Just walk away 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ IF you can It’s SO hard to NOT respond because they are trying to draw you into an argument by saying things that are extremely untrue about you and you feel like you have to defend yourself !!!
@scottd52843 2 жыл бұрын
I recently just cut off my adult daughter. She accused me of all sorts of things just because I refused to cosign a loan for her. I had to cut her off because it was changing me in ways that's not healthy. I just told her she was right and that I'm sure there are many other things she could list. Then I told her she just made a really good case as to why we needed to go our separate ways and ended it with "take care of yourself". I didn't raise my daughter, her narcisstic mother did. She didn't even know I existed until she was eighteen. I've tried to have some influence in her life but after 14 years of trying it's become obvious that she's just using me. It truly is a sad and harsh reality to swallow.
@kimberlysmith7311 2 жыл бұрын
Sadly we can not undo what we did or disnt do for our children when they were children, but I think q4 years of trying to be in her life in a capacity other then a bank card is enough, perhaps , you felt guilty and were enabling her?? This happens sometimes. Maybe at a later time, when she matures more, the two of you can resolve things. Either way, All is well. Sending good vibes. 💞💨💨💨❣❣❣
@cymbolichuman433 2 жыл бұрын
A sad state of affairs. It's hard to meet someone, and then things get ugly.
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
You Let go, that was the brave and right thing to do. We can’t keep letting the narc’s beat us up. It been about 20 years for me, & I’m finally realizing that waking up to what’s going on means letting go of the narcs. It’s not improving as I age, it’s getting worse, unfortunately.
@kimberlysmith7311 2 жыл бұрын
@@Laura_McNamara HI Laura, it's hard for me to imagine a daughter being that way with her mother. My father was that way growing up, and my brothers got some of it, one more then the other as far as the Overt type Narcisism. I took on roll of caretaker of my sister and Mom sometimes. Later I did have some issues in life but I never spoke to either of my parents that way no matter what they had done . Is your daughter using drugs or drinking when she does that stuff?? Just curious?? Or is it just that she isn't getting her way or something else??
@sandraleete4682 2 жыл бұрын
@@Laura_McNamara Its okay, Laura. The good Lord knows what’s in your heart, and how hard you tried…. and His love will never leave you. Being free of all their b. s. gives you time to grow close to Him.
@robertisham5279 2 жыл бұрын
They need a say in every one of your choices and decisions.
@cfratus5122 Жыл бұрын
I have been married to a narcissist for 42 years. I’m proud of the fact I’ve kept my boundaries for so long. Yesterday he started arguing about some silly thing and I told him he could believe what he wants but I’m going to believe what I want. He immediately backed off. Thank you Dr Carter for your videos and insite.
@lockstar169 2 жыл бұрын
As Dr. Carter has pointed out more than once, there is a delusional component to how narcissists view their actions. I really do think that they misinterpret what's happening when people "back down" from their aggression. They think they've won and that others fear them. I think that they think, it's worked for me in past; I'll keep doing it.
@juliesmithson5726 2 жыл бұрын
It's a strange thing to need to win over which color is prettier.
@IAmJaguarPaw.ThisIsMyForest. 2 жыл бұрын
Maintaining the "I" when in conversation with any narcissist - a place I avoid being every chance I get - is an almost impossible task. "I" do not enjoy feeling absolutely incompetent, unimportant, and irrelevant. But the narcissist enjoys it!
@msminicooper2010 2 жыл бұрын
This video "miraculously" appeared as I relax from my narc friend's tantrum trying to rearrange my dental surgery appointment to serve her. Wasn't expecting a full-on tantrum! "I'm here to help you when I can; but, I can't always..." fell on deaf ears. Thx for this.
@stevenmorgan6164 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. Carter Very helpful video I always feel that being truthful will solve or win the arguments but it does not. It is difficult not to argue especially when what is being said is not true.
@jayaom4946 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for these videos. My father died three years ago and I feel like I understand him much better now than I ever did when he was alive!! I got him to go to counseling a few times with me a few years before he died and he was terrified in the waiting room (seemed strange at that time because his degree was in psychology). After three times he told my husband that he didn't think that things were ever going to work out between us. It was so weird at that time that he was ready to end our relationship completely after speaking to me about serious issues for the first time in my life! But he was a super emotional weakling! He literally yelled at the beginning of the first session "I'm a really great guy!!!" He couldn't handle that narrative being questioned in the smallest way.
@StarCoachStephanie 2 жыл бұрын
They lie to avoid dealing with themselves and they never apologize
@shellymichelle904 2 жыл бұрын
This is the most accurate description of the conflict communication scenarios that I’ve experienced with my spouse for years and years now. I could never understand other than something emotional is lacking but now I’m aware of narcissism and every single thing you have described in great detail is what he has done when communicating. It’s bizarre, confusing, and truly scary. He’s so far in denial that reality and truth cannot be discussed! Therefore I am done ✅ I refuse to give anymore of myself when we can’t speak in truth. I’m getting off the merry go round ✌🏼it’s amazing that you can describe this topic so well. Thank you ☺️
@emma7203 2 жыл бұрын
"...look for the exit" is the best advice; I had a "friend" who would berate me that I was boring and an embarrassment and tell me I was mean if I actually had the nerve to stand up for myself. I finally just walked away and was alternately bombarded with abuse for supposedly ruining my own life by no longer being her friend and with cloying invitations to come back and be forgiven. It took years to stop too. Narcissists need others, whom they perceive as weaker, to feel in control. I am only angry now that I let myself be someone's doormat in the guise of friendship. Walking away was the best thing I ever did for myself: it was like coming up for air after being held underwater.
@leanneb9111 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much Dr Carter. Thank you for walking this journey with us. It has cleared the path in more ways than you could believe possible. Team healthy is my safe space. Thank you. .