Why do we put the baby before marriage?

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Why do we put the baby before marriage?

Рет қаралды 24,798

Tony Gaskins

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 246

@millicentstollenwerck5239 Жыл бұрын

To men, certain women is good enough to be a baby momma but not a wife. My 93 year old grandma use to tell me that if you are good enough for a man to sleep with, then you are good enough to marry.

@ieshjust16 Жыл бұрын

Grandma correct but these men don't think like that.

@user-xw9cz8fv3e Жыл бұрын

For alot men, wanting to f**k you is not an commitment and their standards tend to be below bare minimum for sex.

@shutit4024 Жыл бұрын

I agree but not with a $ex worker unless she change her life around lol

@keepsit100atalltime9 Жыл бұрын

Someone said that to Eartha Kitt. It was either James Earl Jones or Sidney Poitier. The nerve!

@bridgettetraveler658 Жыл бұрын

U are exactly 💯 correct!!!

@naiya.nicole__ Жыл бұрын

Yep. I’ve had 2 men beg me for children…I’m 27 with none and need marriage before I bring any child into the world. I cut them off.

@staciadavis-5p1cac93 Жыл бұрын

You stay strong and prayed up!!!

@mjohnson8206 Жыл бұрын

Good girl

@tiffanyyisrael7989 Жыл бұрын

Good for you! 🙂

@MWisdomWisdom Жыл бұрын

GOOD FOR YOU DON'T EVER SETTLE. DON'T EVER BECOME ANOTHER STATISTIC.

@IraSol37 8 ай бұрын

Remember, even if he marries you... That doesn't mean he won't abandon you and the baby at any time. Nothing, absolutely nothing, guarantees that a person will stay with you in the long run.

@GodLovesYouAllTheTime Жыл бұрын

If you don’t want to be a daddy, don’t do daddy things. I don’t be having no cares in the world when I tell men hell to the nah we can’t have casual sex. I’m not about to be doing activities that may potentially cause me to create a single parent household. I’m cool sir…you can call me every name under the sun, but a baby mama just won’t be one!! Lol 😂

@KeepTheFaith00 Жыл бұрын

Girl yes, tell em! I'm almost 40 and I'm good. Not sellin me any dreams 🙅‍♀️

@GodLovesYouAllTheTime Жыл бұрын

@@KeepTheFaith00 I turned 40 in May and I don’t have any kids. People used to try and make me feel bad because I’ve always said I never wanted children. Just randomly having kids with men is weird to me. That was just never a turn on for me. And I always tell men “You wanting to sleep with me is not a compliment. You wanting to stick your d$&k in me raw is not a compliment. Marry me then. If you want that kind of access. Commit to me in front of God. Put me on your life insurance policy and health insurance. That’s a compliment.” I’m so glad my daddy raised me. It gives me a chance to understand the type of woman and person I am in general. I’m not a vibe, I’m a whole frequency and I’m not meant to flow with everyone. I’m so happy and there’s nothing anyone can do that can take that away. I wish women and men would start feeling better about themselves. Stop treating themselves low budget.

@ieshjust16 Жыл бұрын

This 💯💯👏🏾👏🏾

@cort4830 Жыл бұрын

Yeees sis curve to the hundredth power 🤣

@KeepTheFaith00 Жыл бұрын

@@cort4830 okayyy😆

@ysmithriley Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately, there are also some men and women that think marriage is just a PIECE OF PAPER and a FORMALITY. They don't see anything wrong with bringing an innocent child into the midst of this situationship. No thought is given on how the child(ren) will be raised. The parents just "GO WITH THE FLOW."

@adarateranroldan Жыл бұрын

I saw a post on Reddit recently on r/personalfinance about a woman in a situationship whose partner suddenly died. Together for 10 years but not married. She’s not next of kin and has to go to probate court to MAYBE gain control of the house. Definitely not just a piece of paper when it comes to legal/health matters.

@ieshjust16 Жыл бұрын

@@adarateranroldan Happens l the time. Smh some state don't have common law

@yourstruly1984 Жыл бұрын

💯💯

@avybez Жыл бұрын

The next time a man or anyone says that marriage is just a piece of paper I want you to say “so is money and the deed to a house”.

@Misdy Жыл бұрын

@@avybez Mic drop!

@buildtheark5973 Жыл бұрын

Amen love this, I just broke up with someone who after 3 years long distance just wants to have a baby and move in together. I am a wife

@carolineg2305 Жыл бұрын

@myahill7475 Жыл бұрын

You’ve been a wife… that man was trying to play you. I’m glad you got out. That’s weird that he wanted a life long commitment (a child) without any paperwork. What!? That’s crazy. Did you tell him that you wanted a family too but wanted to be married first? He still didn’t budge? That’s strange. I bet he’ll change his mind and will be calling you. Watch.

@buildtheark5973 Жыл бұрын

@@myahill7475 Thank you Mya, I told him form the word go that I want to build a family God’s way, righteously. He is also a Christian but a while after started saying he doesn’t not want to conform to society’s templates of getting married, he just wants a baby and to move in together. I was like not with me, no way in hell. Such a waste of time, I should have also left sooner.

@myahill7475 Жыл бұрын

@@buildtheark5973 he may not know any better and might be listening to dummies giving him bad advice. When he reaches out to you, because he will, explain to him what marriage actually means. Tell him how serious you are about being the best wife and loving towards your husband. Tell him that you believed that HE was your husband… that you thought your prayers were answered, but when he only wanted to shack up and make you a baby mama, it hurt your heart. Speak of all of your values of respect, honor, and how you will keep a beautiful and peaceful home. Tell him how dysfunctional it is to have children out of wedlock and without the proper commitment. Ask him what are his hang ups about marriage. Be in a chipper mood. Don’t get emotional or aggressive, just listen, and reiterate the truth. Jordan Peterson explains the importance of commitment. Send him a clip. This man may just be influenced by other ignorant men. You did give him three years, he’s probably a good guy so… at least have a decent dialogue to provide closure. Try not to be upset. It’s not you. It’s the culture. We must get what we want before giving away any husband privileges. Men are comfortable with the toxicity and the sinking ship. He’s going to reach out so be prepared. God will provide you a wonderful husband and family. Keep up the faith and great work. It’s hard doing what you did. You’re courageous and strong.

@buildtheark5973 Жыл бұрын

@@myahill7475 Thank you for the beautiful advice, I really appreciate it. I also have faith that God will bless me with a beautiful husband and family. I will have the conversation with him, it’s imperative that I do, I just pray that we can all just be spiritually mature and to take God’s narrow path that will lead us to all have beautiful fulfilling lives instead of conforming to the ugly patterns of this world.

@lizzylewis5793 Жыл бұрын

These men are making these babies to "lock" these women down so they can always have access to her. It's not always about they just want a baby to love them.. I have seen this alot and the women have to know who they are and use wisdom and not let a man dictate what happens to their body.

@CaramelKissez Жыл бұрын

!!!!!

@QYOUNG10_03 Жыл бұрын

I had a guy tell me this in real life. I told him, kids aren't like Jordan's. You don't make new ones to show off or just to collect.

@roxydee1452 Жыл бұрын

@@QYOUNG10_03 👏 👏 👏

@julioment2910 Жыл бұрын

Facts

@lifedoesntstop...6847 Жыл бұрын

Definitely have seen this

@natashadunbar6330 Жыл бұрын

I'm telling you I'm struggling as a baby mom. Begged me for the child then left me to raise the child alone. Don't. Have. A. Child. Outside. Of. Wedlock! It's Not Worth It

@priscillamoore9576 Жыл бұрын

🙏🏾

@NicNameIsNicki Жыл бұрын

Marry before you carry 🤌

@tarahbruno3793 Жыл бұрын

“ egg beggars”😂 that’s so true! This was a great message, I refuse to have anybody’s child without being married. I made the mistake once and God has taught me my lesson.

@ClowneryAtItsFinest Жыл бұрын

💯

@ctgal9698 Жыл бұрын

Protect your womb, as Iyanla Vanzant stated to women. Wait for a GOD fearing good husband before starting a family. People have deviated from the scriptures in this world. These men creating families without stability are going to face accountability on judgment day

@IntellectuallyKurious Жыл бұрын

Almost everyone is having seggs on the first date these days or at least withing weeks of meeting. Forget about vetting getting to know and figure out what that person is about - their character standards or values. All of this unprotected!!! That's why

@la6136 Жыл бұрын

That’s why there are so many messed up people nowadays. They are the product of immature parents who didn’t think things through.

@bridgettetraveler658 Жыл бұрын

I can't understand why ppl need to make children not being married. I understand sometimes things happen women get pregnant. But there are children in this world who need a loving home. This world has turned backwards! We should get the ring & then the babies!!!

@cort4830 Жыл бұрын

You better preach Tony. This is why I just cut off a toxic grown boy after 4 years (sadly I waited that long ). By God's grace and mercy I didn't get trapped by that grown boy. I just received a Master of Science degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and now I feel free, accomplished, and patiently waiting for my husband from God.

@tiffanyyisrael7989 Жыл бұрын

I'm a Mental health Therapist of 12 years, welcome to the field and congratulations! The right man will find you, just focus on building your career, it's alot of work, but it's worth it. 🙂

@cort4830 Жыл бұрын

@@tiffanyyisrael7989 Aaaah congratulations on your success!! I wish I could pick your brain lol Thank you so much for the encouraging words ❤️

@malimal4972 Жыл бұрын

But you gave 4 years away to a loser , you allowed him to set you back in the dating market

@cort4830 Жыл бұрын

@Malimal The dating market isn't a big deal to me. What's for me is for me. My education was the most important to me at the time. And I accomplished it with a Master's and higher salary. I'm still very young and have plenty of time for dating. So your comment is irrelevant.

@malimal4972 Жыл бұрын

@@cort4830 Very young ? you have until 35 before you are in geriatric pregnancy , when you are 28 you are already out of your prime dating age and think your money will make you more attractive which it won't, and will honestly do the opposite. The more and more money you make the smaller and smaller your dating pool becomes and you are getting older which decreases your dating pool and you are more than likely raising your body count which decreases your pool even more and you are becoming more independent which decreases your dating pool even more. Society has lied to women about the time they have to get a good man, you don't need to focus on that in the future you need to focus on finding a good man yesterday as your dating pool of men is becoming smaller and smaller each day you put it off cause you think you have so much time . So many women make that same mistake , don't be stupid

@mrssamuel01 Жыл бұрын

I would never want a men to want to marry me because i had his baby. I want him to marry me because he loves me and wants to be with me. Want better for yourself. Dont have no baby with nobody that didnt marry you before wanting a baby. We got to know our worth and value. Am happy my husband didnt want to have sex with me until after marriage snd i didnt want to have sex with him until marriage. We both waited until our wedding night and had our first baby together in marriage. That what should be happening when you love and value someone you want the best for them even if that means denying your desires to have sex before marriage. We wouldnt be in some of the postions we find ourself in if we would just wait until marriage. Some people motives arent good either they try to trap you and cause you to be in sin.

@leegaleaglenombo9430 7 ай бұрын

Thank you, I needed to hear this!

@mrssamuel01 7 ай бұрын

@@leegaleaglenombo9430 glad it help you

@CeeceeH1819 Жыл бұрын

This was broken down brilliantly by Tony. It all makes sense now. Tony has a gift to explain what appears unexplainable ✨

@ieshjust16 Жыл бұрын

So true

@debbietopeze7318 Жыл бұрын

Everything is backwards these days. Smh. Thanks for this video.

@wj1915 Жыл бұрын

She (wife) looks beautiful bc she’s loved by her husband. It’s true

@jadenjacobs6523 Жыл бұрын

My father died when I was 6 but I know he would want the best for me!! I appreciate you being a real man ,- & father figure! Amen God bless u

@ieshjust16 Жыл бұрын

Aww I'm sorry. My father also passed unexpected when I was 10.

@chloelageaux769 Жыл бұрын

Wow! I'm so glad that Tony addressed this issue! Yes, we women have our issues. However, I have seen men act exactly how he described as far as just wanting to procreate with an attractive woman but not wanting to commit to that woman! Also, there are a lot of men that trap women. They intentionally impregnate women that they know they don't want to be with just to sow their seed. Consequently, they have no intention of providing mental, emotional, physical, or consistent financial support to these children. It's truly sad.

@faa1412 Жыл бұрын

And this is why women should go on birth control and make men use condoms. Women are the gatekeepers to childbirth. A woman can go on birth control, get an ab0rtion, etc. I knew one whyte girl who was a straight-up sleaze in college, but I saw her pop that birth control pill in her mouth every night.

@slickdawg5976 Жыл бұрын

Without passing judgement or ridicule I simply must inquire, If birthing a child would lead to a suspected negative outcome, why not prevent pregnancy or terminate the pregnancy...with numerous forms of available contraception, emergency contraception and even abortion still lawful in many states. No child has to be born. Forging the "it takes two" and abortion debate, while also understanding this is a religious oriented audience. I truthfully would enjoy understanding why a women in modern times would become a unmarried mother.

@Maybe-cg2tn Жыл бұрын

@@slickdawg5976 There are some women that want a child but not a husband.

@slickdawg5976 Жыл бұрын

@@Maybe-cg2tn You've suggested: "There are some women that want a child but not a husband." Even with the all the available statistical information showcasing the disadvantages associated with being a single mother? Again no judgement nor ridicule, however I would assume a mother's desire would be steeped in providing her child with optimum chances and opportunity to become successful in life. Within the black community there is decades of research and visible outcome depicting the negative affects of single parent households. These overwhelming statistics support traditionalist theory two parents are routinely better then one. Of course their will always be statistical outliers and anomalies however I believe perspectives of "There are some women that want a child but not a husband," are a huge issue to a ongoing problem.

@Maybe-cg2tn Жыл бұрын

@@slickdawg5976 So many women have been left to raise the children on their own when they were expecting to have the father there to help. They really weren't prepared for that. Some of the women that are choosing to have a child on their own are much more prepared. They aren't going to be counting on a man for support. I know I wish I had forgone marriage and children both. It really wasn't my plan.

@fredaunstoppablewilliams9774 Жыл бұрын

Not only do men do this but some women do the same as well look at a man based off looks economic status career or fame. I believe that’s why all these women are falling for mr cannon and his not even putting a ring on it. Also may I add..these ppl are very reckless idc how fine how rich someone is STDs are still real. You can’t look at a person on the outside and say they have this or that. Medications that ppl are taking now ppl look healthy. Folk better be careful out here in these streets

@Faboulas5 Жыл бұрын

No they greedy!!! They want to be set💵 for life!!!

@loveyb9090 Жыл бұрын

Bc alot of ppl are satisfied with the bare minimum and enjoy the baby making process. Alot of women don't even expect a man to stop with the baby bc they genuinely thought that man loved them . As a child born out of wedlock,I wish we as a people stop it. Alot of children are suffering and trying to heal in different parts of life due to 1 night of passion. Men think about themselves. They don't think about they child not getting the opportunity to have their dad their full time,but will give another woman's kids that opportunity or his new family that opportunity causes alot of resentment/issues in children. I'm not super religious, but I'm mature enough as a adult to realize how God intended our family unit to originally be. And it looks nothing like what it is today. Little girls developing around men is another thing men don't think about when doing this crap.

@Clarrissaharrison 10 ай бұрын

The guy I’m seeing want a baby by me I turn him down because I caught him on date site talking to other girls I’m glad I made the right decision

@JermaineThomas4050 Жыл бұрын

I agree. There comes a point in a man's maturity where we can see a 7 or 8 (out of 10) for her beauty and who can be our one & only. After seeing all of the baddest on campus you can see, after seeing in real life the standout 10s that work for the TV news outlet or in a Health Profession, after being in the environments where pretty girls are in their bathing suits (fitness shows, Spring Break, Bikini 👙 Car Wash, etc.) - you realize that it all starts the same: a smile 😀, a nose, 2 eyes, 2 ears, a forehead, a hairline, an abdomen, legs.... You learn to appreciate God's creation: woman. It's the day that you see that pretty: librarian, school secretary, higher education leader, volunteer/staff worker in church, mail carrier, etc. Far from ugly, you just see with mature eyes now and not what some level of media told you is beautiful.

@monejohn9973 Жыл бұрын

At At least you notice that we work and have jobs. Because if I had a dollar for every time, some ignorant man asks me. Who bought that necklace or who bought that purse? "As if 80% of house hospital workers aren't women" is beyond my comprehensive lol 😂 I'm like f00l I bought it with my hard earned cash... But as a black woman, it's even more offensive because we don't have a history of being housewives nor stay-at-home Mother's. We always been working right beside yall..

@JermaineThomas4050 Жыл бұрын

@@monejohn9973 I completely understand. "Young boys done got jaded" 😆. Yes indeed, women work.

@kidchocolate9253 Жыл бұрын

Some women are still under the impression that getting pregnant is going to keep him or be future income. Although it takes 2 I blame women for not protecting herself from getting pregnant and when the relationship is over immediately she's having a baby for the next man, it's a vicious cycle. If the woman doesn't require the man to wear a condom she should at least protect herself from getting pregnant and STDS.

@montricec8795 8 ай бұрын

I agree

@alicehardy8040 Жыл бұрын

Teens want babies and No Marriage!! Terrible!

@amilllion1 Жыл бұрын

It’s not just teen

@priscamoyesa Жыл бұрын

Such a good video topic, amazing points. Mr. Gaskins is unique and truthful in his approach as always!

@scorpiocara6798 Жыл бұрын

You taking care of yourself Tony really taking care of yourself what a great example and motivation. It's definitely showing

@qscott888 Жыл бұрын

Modern day “cart before the horse” scenario.

@roxydee1452 Жыл бұрын

In my early 20s, I met a guy in his mid 30s who was clearly targeting me as a potential "egg donor". On our first date, he said to me point blank: "Marriage I can live without. Kids I can't."

@NevvaSatisfydd Жыл бұрын

Wow....just WOW!

@justfit71 Жыл бұрын

I am glad you saw the red flag🎈

@ieshjust16 Жыл бұрын

Some of these guys are weird... I would've ran 🏃🏾‍♀️ so fast.

@roxydee1452 Жыл бұрын

@@justfit71 Tbh it threw me for a loop, cos it was a change from ye olde "I'm not looking for anything serious"... but that went nowhere. I realised kids outside of marriage was the norm for all his relatives in his age cohort. He was the "successful" one in his extended family, with the Good Job and the mortgage doing all this stuff and spending all this money on others people's kids. I recall saying to him firmly and calmly that he already had way too many responsibilities to others and very few self-respecting women were going to be okay with that arrangement. Also, with the other kids' parents' lives being such trainwrecks (incarceration, drug abuse and the list goes on)... what would happen if the nieces and nephews he loved ended up in foster care but he had kids of his own to care for??

@staciadavis-5p1cac93 Жыл бұрын

You dodged a bullet!

@80sprincess52 Жыл бұрын

I've been pursued by 3 egg chasers who were aspiring serial impregnators (luckily none of these men are father's from what I last heard and there's a GOOD reason for that-society has been spared from their recklessness so far). The sad part is before I got therapy and cleaned up my social circle I was beyond flattered until I realised that the reason I was allowing such broken men in my life is because I was broken myself back then. Luckily I was only in a brief relationship with the first one of them and the other two I only dated for 2 months before it ended. But the first guy was the biggest lesson I needed to never settle for a man with this mindset, access to your womb is the highest honor you can give a man and if he's not willing to reciprocate that honor first through marriage you NEED to run for the sake of your future, wellbeing and offspring. I know two women who had children with egg chasers and one of them had a severe mental breakdown despite being blessed with her son. Life is hard enough don't make it even harder by having children with broken men.

@kaytooreal Жыл бұрын

Been waiting to hear your perspective on this! Thank you!

@FutureAttyInTheMaking Жыл бұрын

As always, perfect message! Being married first, then having a child is awesome! Stay Blessed 🙏🏼

@sinethembamagasela1833 Жыл бұрын

This message is very important especially to the black family structure

@queenofthesouth4205 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Tony, for always keeping it honest!!!

@heretomakehimknown2183 11 ай бұрын

Thank you Tony for your bold and beautiful inspirational messages on this glorious day. God bless you and your family!!!

@mariagrady2924 Жыл бұрын

You know Tony our society has changed so much. My mom said if You will help the man by keeping Your legs closed that it would cause the man to ponder or push to marriage. I have noticed if You do not have sex even at my age, the younger generation knows that. I am tell my sons that You do not want children allover the place. It heartbreak the children an they are possibly with a man who does not like Your children. especially now days.

@patriciarobertson2564 Жыл бұрын

Amen Tony! I hear you loud and clear. 💞

@KINGTHEYORKIE Жыл бұрын

Both need to be responsible.

@GracedPeriod40 Жыл бұрын

Great message thank you Lord for this man of God Tony Gaskins may the Lord continually use you to help others Amen

@CaramelKissez Жыл бұрын

Oh, this gone be good 😮. Happy Friday blessed tribe!

@JermaineThomas4050 Жыл бұрын

Sure will.

@LiaBunny93 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for making a video on this topic ✅ Ex boyfriends want me to be their baby mama but that does not impress me. I KNOW I am worthy of being a wife 💍

@chikhumbiri9902 Жыл бұрын

Right on time Tony God is surely using you

@Ms.EllissaDeAnna Жыл бұрын

I totally agree with.💯 I do somewhat believe that Mr.N.C is doing this because he is trying to perserve his "legacy" because of his illness. I sense he is trying the way he know how to "Live his life (YOLO)" before he pass.....🤔IDK..But may God be with them children❣

@dublingirl1691 Жыл бұрын

Listening while I work! This will be a good one. Hey to the Blessed Tribe 👋🏻

@jeaninerichardson7179 Жыл бұрын

Amen, because these precious Babies need stability not a toxic teeter-tottering existence its unfair to set them up to gratify someone's fleshly appetite and to idolize oneself its very selfish 😒 they deserve to be loved for who they are special gifts of the LORD.

@sandyM968 Жыл бұрын

Every women in the world needs to have sex only in a marriage especially in this day and age and they must ensure that before having a baby they are in a marriage and that their husband is capable of being a good father, its about stability

@the_feisty_vegan_llc Жыл бұрын

Nice Shirt TG! Thanks for the message

@darlenegoodwin Жыл бұрын

Yes and people believe being childfree is selfish!

@youtubejunkie444 Жыл бұрын

Another great topic! You find so many relationships today, they will have a baby but not commit to marriage. Know your worth. Nick Cannon having all these kids from different women is not good.

@sandyn3327 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your personal story!!!! I love it. Makes you more relatable

@silentdreams2415 Жыл бұрын

Be blessed Sir!

@lavonnepatterson1327 Жыл бұрын

This a word right here! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

@mindyann8903 Жыл бұрын

You are absolutely correct but I’ll be honest it’s kinda silly we think this way. I know we look at others and think our kids will get their attributes ect but I see a lot of times that is not the case at all. I’ve seen the most beautiful couples (Demi Moore and Bruce Willis ) have kids that look average & vice versa - I’ve seen extremely beautiful people come from “average looking” ppl. Look at Zendaya Coleman. I couldn’t believe when I seen her parents because They are just everyday average ppl (not saying they are ugly) but it’s shocking as she is easily one of the most beautiful women in Holly weird…. to me anyways. Genetic lottery is a thing. 🤷‍♀️

@beac8238 Жыл бұрын

It’s actually about proper facial/jaw development which is influenced by diet inflammation allergies nose breathing and stress

@PrettyFourU1 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Tony appreciate your prayers back at you and your family …. These messages have helped me clearly understand what God wants for us in the long term best of luck in all you do for the collective community again muchos gracias.