This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about whether or not we can be in therapy for too long, ways we can start seeing ourselves as survivors rather than victims, and when we should use coping skills versus sitting with the uncomfortable feeling. Finally, she discusses the ways we can open up more in therapy, finally share our trauma, and how to become more social and outgoing.
AUDIENCE QUESTIONS for episode 223 of Ask Kati Anything
1. Hi Kati! I have been in counseling/therapy on and off for the last 7 years. I have always been an advocate of therapy and I encourage other people to do it. However, lately I am feeling an aversion. I think that I am seeing it as a futile exercise. Which is probably due to shame about not breaking some of my self-sabotaging patterns. I have not lost the trust in the process, however, I have probably lost the faith in myself to do the work. How do I overcome that? 01:05
2. Hi Kati, recently I’ve been struggling to cope with having been sexually assaulted and groomed in the past. How do I go from seeing myself as a survivor, rather than a victim? 07:00
3. I’m obsessing over the thought that I’ve been in therapy too long. I started in 2019, and since then many life calamities have happened that greatly complicated the work I was trying to do. Big disruptions such as Covid, and more normal life issues - a spouse retiring, stressful personal health issues, a parent’s health scare, a big move, kids starting a new school, financial instability, essential home renovations while financially struggling, and now living in very close proximity to the family members responsible for the childhood abuse and neglect... 11:54
4. I was wondering when you should use coping skills versus sitting with the uncomfortable feeling. My therapist is using exposure therapy and says part of exposure therapy is not using things to calm my anxiety but rather sit with the feeling. By doing this, my body will learn that I am actually not under threat and the anxiety will decrease on its own. I don't want to be rude and question my therapist but it just doesn't make sense to me. I have been an inpatient, gone through a partial hospitalization program, and seen a few different therapists who have all stressed the importance of knowing and using coping skills. So now I am just confused. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated. 21:36
5. I have been diagnosed with DID and have been seeing my therapist whom I love the past 2.5 years. Recently, I realized that he still doesn't know a lot of my trauma. My parts are really wanting to come out and tell him their story, but I keep blocking them and intellectualizing the details of the trauma. My parts just want to cry, but I am scared to let them. What can I do? This is really bothering me. 28:41
6. Hi Kati, how do I become more social and outgoing? My entire life I’ve been shy and everyone around me has seen it as a huge flaw. Even my mom said to me when I was a kid that she wishes I was more like [insert extroverted friend’s name here]. I just find that my social battery drains so fast and I’m scared my friends are gonna get to the point where they don’t want me around anymore. That’s been happening to me my whole life and it makes me so sad. No matter how lonely I am, I can't seem to change myself. Any help would be so appreciated. 36:46
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