So well put. Its crazy how their neurobiology works. Totally different brain chemistry

Avoidants are literally never starved for emotions… what are you people talking about? The whole point of being an avoidant is self regulation as long as they’re alone and they seek the alone time more than anything else… weirdos always looking for something to blame so let’s blame avoidants

@@UnknowwnnHero if they’re avoiding understanding/dealing with their emotions when they’re alone (as is usually the case with all insecure attachment styles, but especially avoidants), then it’s just more dysregulation which perpetuates those toxic relationship cycles and behavioral patterns

There may be something to that. It has crossed my mind, actually.

Yeah I don’t want to “lose” the game. I’m competitive

This is my experience too, just how you described it

@@TexasAries4God bless you. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. Feels like catching an incurable disease and now you have to find a way to live with it and mitigate the damage forever.

Can u describe the Rollercoaster briefly please?

I had the same experience from a recently divorced woman in her 50's. She didn't do the roller coaster however it did feel like a rough train ride.

I feel your pain. I’m getting out of a 17 year relationship with an avoidant 😩

Even if he is your tf, it’s okay to move on and not wait for him. The tf journey is about ourselves anyway not about them.

@@ty-vy5brSo true.

Same same...tf label is toxic we suffer more because of it

@@TrisaPradnja well done you on keeping your boundary even against your friends. Twin flame,/soul mate is hallucinary in my opinion. Feel the feeling and let it go. Time heals us and they stay te same ❤️

Agree

I thought the same…and same goes to…if you are with a person with serious problems and you stay, you have a problem too.

Not ur problem

They totally feel it, the pain of the breakup, any empath can verify that because we pick up on the other person's emotions. But I believe they are not aware that they can be in control of this thing and or don't know how. People don't always look for therapy either. In some cultures there's a stigma about getting therapy too, like there's something wrong with the person, and that's also one of the subconscious wounds. I'm just thankful there are these videos available, so people can get informed, also because not everyone can afford therapy sessions either.

Impressive story you have here. Yes, not blaming yourself is wise. Trust is a big issue in these dynamics I have learned. How to convince them that for you it is woth the effort. That you want to be on the same team, against whatever issues, not against eachother. That you want to be the best you can be, in your life, for and with her. That you want her to be happy and healthy and thriving. That you want to contribute to her wellbeing. I got rejected, sat there crying and only later I realised he had been crying with me, he had his face hidden behind a pillow. Only later I realised that his eyes had been so red, and why. If only then I would have said that we would make it. I was shy. Or anxious. Next time I'll be more real. Intimacy is scary but serious. Love is thee highest form of friendship, someone said, and I agree. It is really about trust and being on the same team. Good Luck to you and feel free to react. I'd love to hear your thoughts on my story ❤

It all just reminds me of that quote from the book, Dune, "Fear is the mind-killer. It is the little death that brings total obliteration..." Fear does some strange things to the brain, but so does anger, causing effects almost similar to being drunk. I think you and others here have learned to understand that reacting to these already irrational situations with either too much anger or sadness can therefore only add further irrationality, so in this crowd it sounds like we are agreeing to go with understanding and trust if not only in another person, but for ourselves when we are sure we did our best. I learned my lesson on fear and panic as a teen growing up in Florida, getting trapped under a stack of hurricane shutters meant to protect windows -- these thin, aluminum sheets. They had razor sharp edges, were cutting into my stomach, and were too heavy to lift as a stack. I could see blood pooling beneath me and dreaded to think what I would see if I ever got out, but calling for help nobody was responding, and I don't know how long I sat there under those things trying to hold with all my might to keep the corner edges from cutting further. Finally, a sense of peace came over me once I couldn't yell any longer, and with that clearing of my mind from the fear the solution dawned on me like my dumba$$ should have seen the entire time: the full stack was heavy, but each sheet was just this paper-thin, lightweight bit of nothing. Simply sliding one off from the top at a time, in a matter of moments I had freed myself and laughed once realizing it hadn't been so bad all along, and even the cuts had been superficial. Basically, after freeing oneself from the fear of what may be going on or what might happen next, keywords being may and might, one instantly becomes more able to see what simply needs to be done; or so it would seem, and applying to both avoidant and recipient alike for their own reasons. By extension, it only makes sense how until reaching clarity or no longer denying it, whichever comes first, this very same problem of fear-rooted blindness to the logical path likely fuels what an avoidant is doing, but also the person on the receiving end in a contagious sort of way. The solution? For each of us the day to day will be different, whether improving our circumstances or working on trust, etc., but it's becoming more obvious than ever through these conversations that for an avoidant a big way out of fear can be getting some space for a time. That's why I not only agree with coaches like on this channel to not take it personally, and assessments like yours to stay empathetic when others aren't so that the big picture can be seen from both sides, but it is pretty much the ONLY way to proceed. Anything else, as an analogy, would be just like staying trapped under a stack of hurricane shutters for way longer than necessary. To end back at the beginning, the last half to that famous quote from Dune goes, "I will face my fear. I will allow it to pass over and through me, and when it does I will turn my inner eye to see its path. When it is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

I agree that a soulmate wouldn’t do what he said but a true twin flame absolutely would and will because it’s all part of the journey, which isn’t actually about the other person but about our own growth and healing.

It’s terrible that masculines whether in male or female body(mine is a female) can’t express emotions. Honestly we’ve all been hurt. The DFs have been absolutely crushed and we have trauma as well. I told my twin I loved her before I knew who she was. She enjoyed me loving her. I knew she did to she just never said it. The difference is when I found out who she was and she was still avoidant I just had to leave her. If you can’t love me properly then I have to chose myself. I’m worth more than breadcrumbs. Now she suffers in silence and we won’t be together in this life time. I just don’t want it. It’s been years. She took things too far.

Same here

I would say that its not really about the rejection, at least for me its not. Its the mixed signals energy. It feels like a forbidden love. Like this person has feelings for you, you do too yet being together is impossible. If the person would tell you straight up "I dont like you, I feel nothing for you, Im not attracted to you." And you would know that this person believes what she says then it would be more easy to move on cause you would not feel appreciated and connected. But the fact that this person showed you signs of love and told you at the same time that it cant work for an unclear reason, it makes you fantasise, wonder and hope for this love and this is the harsh part which keeps you hooked.. you will be fine. Try to think that if its meant to be it will happen and otherwise it means that another nice connexion will be for you.

These avoidants are just Narcissits re packaged. Im seeing this on youtube as a trend with a lot of self help gurus. Old trend same issues that are "new" again.

@@blukatzen I dont really think so. I think they have some things in common with the love bombing phase but the narcissist doesnt care about hurting the other person, the avoidant feels guilt when he hurts.

@@blukatzen agreed, shitty people

That drives you literally mad! Because you get strongly attached, even if you are consciously looking everything that’s happening.

You are not alone

I’m there too. We are strongly attached to a fantasy, or an illusion of “what could have been” projected with the good moments. Best way to release the pain, it’s just to feel it, and go through it. And then, what can help and what you do with a narc, it’s to do a “Sobriety List”, meaning, all the times she/he failed to showed up, lied to you, or betrayed you, or or the bad qualities so you can stand on reality and not on a fantasy.

@@denisecrystal_yoescribo You said everything very specifically and correctly! it's an illusion of the brain..you miss the version of us and everything we were and experienced with the person..as you say, give it time and let it all go through until it stops..and the best thing is with time we should mentally go through the negative things to remind ourselves why it should be like that and why it just didn't work anymore...but the question still remains...even in a very bad toxic relationship, can you one day be so liberated that it doesn't hurts more or you don't feel unfulfilled love? Will everything go away one day and just remain a memory without it hurting?

@@georgetiakas28 Thank you! I believe that if you want the hurt to go, you have to stop resisting it!! you know...when it hurts so bad and you just want it to stop! Osho says, you have to feel it all to the end. So...instead of resisting it, create a sacred space for it, and feel it all!!! even if it takes a year or 2...honor it, because if it hurts it's your truth, it's telling you *What you wanted and needed from your heart!! and didn't get in this relationship. That doesn't mean you are not going to get it, but it's your compass, showing you what you are really longing for, AND IT'S VALID!!...and that's a good sign. To not stay in toxicity, even if it cracks you open, is also a good sign. You disadapted to it!! One has NOT "to be well adapted" to lies, betrayal and dysfunction of any kind. Hope it helps.

The love bombing , anxiety , non communicative are all signs of a DA ALSO 8 months is not the magic number

Nobody knows what twin flames are really about unless you have been forced to experience it yourself

Exactly. While twin flames can love bomb and display avoidant and narcissistic traits you can’t mistake the connection. It’s completely different than a regular relationship.

We do. We also really regret having to cut someone off if we loved them.

If someone is hurting someone else on purpose, like planning it, and they don't care, and they laugh and tell you to wash your face, that's a narc dear.

Avoidants be like Oh I’m scared of being abandoned so I’m going to leave for another short term thing thus inflicting what I fear.

@@renamamiya9196 could you please explain why you feel the need to cut off then? Is it a control thing? Fear of the unknown? Too much risk for hurt? Like "I better inflict hurt upon myself and the other by cutting this off before it can grow into something that would hurt me more if I lost it" ? 🙏🏝🏵

@@Liza-Loves-YouIt's out of fear. We believe we are unlovable, and that we will let you down at some point or that you will find someone better. When things become too overwhelming or there's a lot of conflict within a relationship, we typically choose other things over it, such as our career and hobbies. I've always regretted cutting off those I loved later on though, and made amends with a few of them in recent years.

😮😮😮..you must be blinded