Btw I’m willing to share my husband with my girlfriends especially when they r single mothers who can’t get married or find someone who can give them halal relationship

99% of brothers struggle to make ends meet and talk about wanting a second wife 😂

Now I understand why so many highly educated muslim woman are not married.

If a man wants a second wife, you discuss that before marriage. When they have secret, it means his wife is against it. He knew, he married her and now has changed his mind. Marry someone who is open to it from the beginning. Nothing wrong with it, but it’s wrong to force people who do not want to live that lifestyle. Not everyone wants to live like that.

As a muslim woman, ı prefer live single rather than live with some lie..

Brothers can't make 5 daily fard prayers but wants 4 wives because its a sunnah 😅

Marriage is something that should be openly declared, not hidden. This is part of the Sunnah. If a man is too fearful of his first wife's potential reaction, he isn't mature enough to be taking on the responsibility of a second wife.

SubhanAllah, im struggling to find 1 wife let alone 2. Social media isnt just destroying homes, its destroying the ability to make one.

Why is cheating okay? Something is wrong here. Also the guy says all men are polygamist by nature. I disagree because I am not. A woman could be polygamist as well. You just need to control your animal self.

If you can’t handle it don’t do it! DONT lie! Secret marriage is a recipe for disaster PERIOD. Have a conversation!

Marriage is a partnership that involves trust, honesty, and communication. When one partner cannot share information it can seriously damage the foundation of the relationship, imagine hearing it from the outside world that your partner is married to someone else, that is the biggest betrayal. i feel like people need to voice their wants from a relationship before they get into the relationship.

Calls women emotional but, everytime someone says something bad about polygamy hes about to burst into tears. 😂

Thanks for showing me how Islam really is ❤️ Started my slow apostacy after this was released

To the men who try to convince woman that they should allow their husbands to have second wife's etc. Have any of you approached your mothers to convince her to allow your fathers to bring home another wife?

The more I see these conversations the more I turn away from marriage and pray for a spouse in Jannah instead. May Allah help us all especially those who are married.

The more I listen to men with this kind of disrespect and hatred for their muslim sisters, the more I thank Allah for blessing me with a kind and soft hearted husband. He is the leader of the house, but never will he use such words and look at me as an object of meagre sex. And if Allah were to command me to do Sajdah to my husband, i would happily do it. We as an ummah dont really need disbelievers do destroy us, we are doing it very well on our own. For a men like these, if a woman choses to prioritzes herself, she's a "feminist". Women chose to earn for themselves cz muslim men over the years have failed to be "qawwam". Ive spent my entire child hood, seeing my mother and women around me suffering due to domestic violence, and their housework was never respected. I chose to respect myself always, and made dua to Allah for khair. Alhumdulillah, my lord has blessed with the best husband ever. And I make dua, that blesses all good men with good women, and good women with good men. Indeed my lord is the most merciful ❤

Ali, when you ask a fellow brother “Do you ever wish to have a second wife?” and he says, “No”, don’t immediately object/become cynical. Understand the nuance of your own question. As a young man myself, I completely agree with you that all men have the desire to have multiple sexual/romantic partners, but that doesn’t mean that all Muslim men want multiple wives. While there are plenty of Muslim men out there who would deny wanting multiple wives in fear of upsetting their current wife, there are also plenty of men out there who deny this because they do not want to take on the religious, emotional, and financial responsibilities that come with marrying more than one woman. So when the brother to the right of MH or the husband of sister Amira says that they are not interested in a second wife, they’re not lying. The sister in the white hijab made a good point at 56:57 when she said that you don’t let anyone say no to your question. I’m sure you already understand all this, but please understand the nuance of the question your asking.

And to add this discussion about secret wives will make women suspicious, insecure paranoid about their husbands. Nobody wants to be around someone they don't trust. You don't feel emotionally safe.

The whole point of the walima is to announce the marriage and not keep it secret

It is so disappointing to see that there is really no difference between Muslim men and non-Muslim men. A married man who is comfortable taking on another wife, without even informing his first wife, is not a man of good character.

Saying “well she’s not going to be okay with so that is why I lied” is ridiculous. If a woman lied to you about having children because you wouldn’t accept it would you be okay with that?

Why should a women be tested with another wife, why can’t the man be tested in controlling his desires???

When I look at the comments by men below this video, I can see the current moral level and it’s alarming. They say, "As long as Allah allows it, it's okay, secret or not." They use religion to fulfill their worldly desires. May Allah give these men akhlaq.

I think it’s the secrecy that bothers me more than anything. I would want my husband to love and trust me enough to speak to me about anything. A second wife and a secret wife are two very different things in my mind.

Don't tell ur wife about ur 2nd wife, so the children of the 2 wives can end up marrying each other (marrying siblings). Yes, that had happened more than once!

The first time I'm realising that Ali Dawah lacks wisdom and maturity. He shouldn't be propagating the idea that the wife is to blame for men who are adulterous. A sincere, God fearing man, won't make such a flimsy excuse.. 'God made us men weak'.!! 🤦 An adulterer will still be an adulterer, even if he takes two, three or four wives. Men should stop looking at women as trophies, but as responsibilities. And stop blaming women for their own flaws and weakness.

What I find concerning about this debate is that basic Islamic principles of kindness compassion and empathy and honesty just don't seem to matter in these people's marriages.....these men know this will hurt their wives but because they're technically allowed it becomes, my desires matter more than my responsibility to be just, kind and compassionate to my original wife. My desires as a man are worth the risk of causing future family problems when I have two sets of families secret from each other. The selfishness here is boundless.

as a muslim man who loves the idea of having more than 1 wife, I do not think it's okay to just go marry another woman without even discussing with your current wife, that's just very messed up. imagine if your father brought along another woman home and said she's also your mother. wtf? these "men" should have some shame.

The 4 wife permission was actually a limit as much as I have learned. Because before that, man could have as many women as they wanted. In times of war, it made sense to have multiple wifes because of lack of man and widowed women. It also made sense to have multiple wifes for leaders and such from other nations, tribes etc to establish peace between the two nations etc. but its adviced, suggested to have one wife. Also because having multiple wifes is extremely hard, not just financially but also in means of equal treatment of each wife is very hard. In the future if there are such cases of war or relative reasons go for it maybe. But it is crucial to be fair amongs them 😊. May Allah guide us all and increase our wisdom and understanding.

the audacity of Ali Dawah putting the word hashtag "sidechick" under the video 🤮

Just marry someone who is open minded about polygamy, you can never convince someone who doesn’t want to share her husband to share her husband

If my husband married another without telling me? I am ready to go to jail… he’s going to meet some angels…

The gaslighting here is insane

The thing is, if you get married in secret, then by definition, you'd have to lie to the first wife. Where will you say you are going for half the week? Why do you suddenly have half the money you had available? What if your second wife dies? How will you explain why you now have custody of these children? Lying in these circumstances is not permissible in Islam. So how would you navigate these situations?

Why does he not accept any man saying he don't want another wife 😂

This is ridiculous.. absolutely sickening!!

As a new Muslim who used to be in polyam relationships before I converted, I'd say there's no question deceiving your wife and marrying another without her knowledge is simply not conductive to a healthy loving relationship regardless if it's allowed or not. I'd also say from my experience many people (men and women) are simply not equipped to be just, fair and equally emotionally present in poly relationships (that in no way means there aren't people who can't have fair, honest and loving poly marriages tho). With that being said, there needs to be an open conversation and we should acknowledge most men would jump at a chance to not be limited by a monogamous marriage and should not be demonized for it. Expecting one's partner to feel unfulfilled in a mono relationship and suppressing their nature only for one's own benefit is also hardly love.

ali is very good at limiting the womens speaking time but not the men’s.. :/

Ali asked one of the guys if he would get a second wife, he said no. He did not like the answer, so he accuses him of lying, and says a lie detective test will change your answer to yes lol then he goes on a rant and answers on behalf of the other guy

Just the fact he is hiding something from his wife, it means he is not correct in the God’s eyes.

It’s men like this that make me question Islam sometimes..why do they not read the full ayah? What about the orphans that god mentions they should take second wives for? It’s literally the same verse, why do they read the second part only??

The problem with marrying other women secretly is that if a scenario arises where the father passes away without telling the wives and children about the others, there is a chance that some of them may get married to eachother without knowing that the other is a half sibling. Wouldn’t that be a problem?

The only reason why these young men want a second wife is because of their sexual desires, not the charity. Each of our Prophet's (pbuh) marriages had a purpose and they were not for sexual purposes. The Qur'an also states that one wife is better. Allah says in the Quran, "And you will never be able to be equal [in feeling] between wives, even if you should strive [to do so].” (Surah An-Nisa, Ayat 129) Nevertheless, if these men want to satisfy their worldly desires by risking their hereafter, they can do so.

Allah created Adam and Eve, if it were so dire for a man to have more than one wife, He would have made two women. It is a capability of man to have more than one wife, NOT a neccessity. Big difference.

I have to say that this perception we have of men being evil horndogs or women being manipulative or emotionally insecure is ridiculous in real life. It is never that simple. Being in a wonderful marriage myself, I understand that most men want an emotionally and physically satisfying marriage just as much as women do, and they’re perfectly happy to have one partner in a mutually loving relationship so long as it’s just that: a mutually loving relationship. If two people have fulfilling each other’s needs and wants and just love one another deeply and complete one another where the other falls short, it’s very rare to see this sort of dilemma occur. Hawa completed this for Adam - Allah didn’t create a hundred wives for Adam to populate the earth or exercise his human desire, rather he created a loving comfort of a spouse for him to find repose in. When such an emotional and mental gap is fulfilled, one finds satisfaction and contentment in the spouse they have. Islam recognizes that not all marriages work like this. Islam recognizes that we come from various cultures where the concept of loveless and emotionally void marriages are commonplace. Islam recognizes that some marriages are political, or some spouses are just fine being emotionally unconnected and share a family. Islam recognizes that for some men, their upbringing and past experiences can create a desire for infidelity and no satisfaction in just one spouse. Had they been kafir, they would have been chronic cheaters. Islam recognizes this diversity in environment and culture and offers a legal limitation to men, but it also offers us a glimpse into the love lives of our Prophets and the men of the Quran and Sunnah, and gives us the opportunity to choose our stories for ourselves.

I can't help but notice that Ali just doesn't allow anyone contradicting his opinion. Even if the man in the middle clearly said : NO I would NOT get a second wife, even if she was okay with it, he goes on to say 'we have to be brutally honest'. Well, maybe he's being brutally honest and that's the end of your argument

This is so disturbing. No wonder why our ummah is the way it is.

A much needed discussion. Nice episode

MashaAllah wal Humdulillah! Thank you for having this conversation that is necessary to have within our communities

Part 2 should include guests who are involved or have been involved in these types of situations. Would be very helpful to get insight from first hand experience

You know it's not right when it has to be kept a secret . The least you can do in a marriage is to be transparent, good or bad

Just answer this, why keep it a secret? Every wife has the right to know. It’s not even permission. Man doesn’t need permission. But why HIDE? In my experience, u only hide things u r ashamed/guilty of.

The efficiency of this *usespy online is next level.* To juggle walk throughs of various angles on devices delivered to-camera, differnet content per app from various folks underneath the umbrella of the track list of the larger big band concert itself is engaging and refined access. To make a dense non tracable like this so digestible is really something. Awesome work !!!

We also need to talk about the stories of 2nd wives being used, abused and discarded, especially revert sisters. May Allah swt keep us on the straight path. 2nd wives are not an outlet, they are WIVES as well to be provided for and protected. Brothers need to focus on the reality of plural marriage and the actually responsibilities and consequences. Sisters need to understand that him taking a second wife does not mean you are any less. May Allah swt make it easy for all the marriages. Ameen.

PART 2 DEFS NEEDED... SOOOOOO MUCH TO UNPACK IN THIS TOPIC, GOOD JOB TO THE PANELIST 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

A brother proposed to me, but didn't want to tell his first wife. I reminded him about the offspring being siblings, and that if he passed no one would be able to notify me. Also that if the Mirathi was not done properly he would suffer, so he must tell her or stick with just one.

Islam says u don’t need permission from your first wife about getting a second wife but it definately does NOT says you can hide and secretly marry a second wife. If u have any ethics or respect for your wife, you should give her a heads up , reassure her that you love her and that you will be fair to her, and give her sometime to come into terms with her having to share her husband with another woman. Going behind her back is the worst. Even if she doesn’t like it she will be less hurt and and eventually accept it. But hatered will develop if u completely disregard her feelings and marry a second in secret. If it’s halal u shudnt need to do it in secret.

Islam allowed polygamy but also it is extremely hard to meet the condition of being fair to all wives. If you end up being unfair, you are resurrected with a paralyzed half. Let that sink in before you get a second wife brothers.

You will be judged on your intentions. Your intentions are not defined by what you claim aloud. They are defined by what you actually seek within your heart. No ruling in Islam is given for you to take as a green light to do what you desire just because you desire it. Are you allowed to drink water? Obviously, yes. But let's say you are standing next to a thirsty orphan while you are holding a jug of water. You yourself are not thirsty. You notice that the orphan is thirsty but you do not give any water to the orphan. Instead, you drink your water and walk away. There are Muslims who think they would be spared punishment for denying water on the basis that drinking their own water is not haram. But that isn't how it works. You will be asked on the day of judgement about why you withheld the water from the orphan. As well you will be asked about why you took a second wife and why you hid her from your first. It being halal is not a reason why. It is only a justification. You will be asked about your intention in doing so.

Adding the "completely equally and fulfilling all responsibilities equally to all wives" to the topic of polygamy is unbelievably important and also constantly left out. Many men do not understand how difficult this task is. If you cannot do this, which most men would not be able to do so 100% without error, it becomes haram. Do not forget that. Personally as a man in my late 20s who still isnt married, I dont see it being possible for me unless, InshaAllah, Allah makes me super successful and rich in life. To take care of myself and one wife in this economy alone is difficult, hence why I am still not married. Add a child to that, its exponentially more difficult. My ego and pride are not so big and filled with delusion that I would think, "Yes I can easily take care of 2 wives and multiple children without bias or 100% equity". Also I agree with the brother who is on there with his wife, it dont feel the need to have a second wife. That goes to a different topic, you must choose your wife very carefully. If you do, there should be no deficiency in the relationship in which you would then need to seek another, unless you simply have very active hormones, to which Allah knows best and has created us all differently, so I will not judge you. But the average person should strive to find a woman they can be completely content with, and women should strive to satisfy their husbands so they do not feel the need for another woman.

Will gladly remain unmarried. Would rather do that than to allow someone to ruin my whole god damn life. Period.

MH needs to be on every show.

When a sister speaks about what is good for a woman it is seen as feminism , Please grow up

It’s not obligatory to tell fist wife about second. Then don’t ask a woman to take care of ur old mother when she needs it. It’s not obligation on her either. If u remove love and respect from islam this is what happens

Polygamy in Islam isn't permitted over lust or desire, in fact, what Islam did about this issue is put a limit to the number of women a man can marry. If there is not material need for it, then do not do it, don't even think about doing it behind your wife's back, its a huge disrespect towards her. Islam obviously discourages polygamy. If you do not care about your wife's feelings, why should she care about your desires???

In this cost of living crisis, you want to take financial responsibility of a second wife...good luck bro

The summary of the debate: emotions and feelings are fine as long as it's the men's Their desire for intimacy with a second wife Their fear of how their wives will react. Desire and fear are still emotions and feelings.

If men are to treat all their wives as fairly as possible, then why is it okay for him to lie and hide his other marriage and keep secrets while his second may know all about his first marriage and make the choice of her becoming a polygamist wife?

I wanted to learn about this... but this guys attitude the owner threw me off... what a disgusting man pushing his thoughts into people's mjnds... disgusting

If having a secret marriage is justifiable, I don’t know what to say.. we need to respect the wife too, let her know and give her the choice to leave or stay. Anyone needs to hear the truth, because truth will come sooner or later

Props to these brothers and sisters for addressing such a touchy subject in this manner. Mashallah

😢This is ridiculous!!This is not religion, but a cult.

Why is Ali Dawah forcing his polygamous views on the brothers. That one brother with the beard clearly isn’t polygamous he loves his wife.

I want part 2 I have learned so much in this episode

Just because something is permissible, doesn’t mean it’s recommended. People really need to learn the difference. I don’t see enough people making that distinction

Is getting another wife just about sex? Is intimacy just about sex? Is the secrecy about stopping the trials we have to face in life? Are we truly critical of ourselves where we can admit insecurities take accountability and change? Asking for a friend.

Shukran for highlighting the mental cause. May Allah heal them and protect our learned Imams.

Salaam alaikum. I love that we have young men and women discussing the issues here. But I wish there was an elderly scholarly moderator in the presence who is patient in listening and wiser in responding. I felt that a lot of times our brothers and sisters are quick to wanting to respond with loaded arguments. Still a very useful discussion, jazakAllah Khair.

Best episode so far. Great choice of panellist. Nice contributions by the team backstage. Definitely need a PART 2 with the SAME PANEL. Barakallahu feekum.

Yeah but the difference is that when the sahaba returned to their first wife. They did tell them about it. They didn’t hide it like modern men do

Im so thankful for this i was able to understand men a little better and i have never been able to wrap my head around second wives, though i get it more and am more willing to understand.

Bro can't even get one wife into today's society let alone a second wife.

Very informative video brother Ali❤ I really appreciate your determination of establishing the Masjid, may Allah(SWT) reward you greatly❤

I am a secret second wife. The repercussions of my husband’s wife and family finding out will be catastrophic. My husband saw that there were men in the Muslim community who were taking advantage of me because I am a revert. He did everything including having us meet with the sheikh to ask questions and to ensure we were doing the right thing. Do I like sharing my husband - no but do I accept it - yes. I have a halal relationship with a God fearing Muslim who prays fard and practices sunnah and helps me grow closer to الله and he benefits in his own relationship with الله because my need to learn helps him increase his knowledge. If we are not getting closer to الله then our marriage is a waste of time. I do have to forgo some things given it is secret from his other wife (there is not first second third etc - there are wives, we are co wives I am not lower than the other wife) I was divorced from a Christian husband and came to Islam on my own and then met my husband. Humdulillah May الله bless my husband and my sister and their marriage in this life and the hereafter.

THE VID JST MADE ME CRY

I'm.. confused. Here is what I agree with; Polygamy is part of Islam ✅ You don't need permission from your first wife ✅ The nikkah is not a secret ✅ Yes men are by nature polygamous ✅ If men were given the option they would have multiple wives✅ What I don't understand is that, when the tafaseer was used as an example in relation to the Prophet Sallaahu alayhi wassalam and Mariya Kipti, is this- that Mariya Kipti was a bondswomen, she was not a wife. The Prophet Sallaahu alayhi wassalam bedding her, was permissible for him because in that time bedding the women in your 'right hand possessions' (bondswomen) was acceptable, it was permissable. No such context exists now for muslim men to implement on. The example is entirely invalid because Mariya Kipti was not a wife. And the entire discussion is regarding marriage. The Prophet Sallaahu alayhiwassalam did not hide a secret marriage from his other wives. The reason for hiding this intimacy could be entirely for a seperate reason (i.e the known jealousy/gheerah of the mothers of the believers) - and Allaah knows best. Even then the Ummaahatul mu'mineen were given an option to stay in marriage to the Prophet or to be left honourably because they UNDERSTOOD that all the marriages of the Prophet Sallaahu alayhiwasalam were done for specific reasons (i.e strengthening ties of tribes or breaking the cultural norms when he was married to Zaynab radhiAllaahu anha) and yet Allaah acknowledged their gheerah too, that maybe for some it might get too difficult to accept polygamy. But they chose Allaah, His Messenger and the Akhirah, we know this as stated in the Qur'an. Its even more important to say that the Prophet Sallaahu alayhi wassalam was married to 1 women for 25 years! ONE. From when he was 25 years old Up until her death, when the Prophet Sallaahu alayhi wassalam was 50 (this is now 10 YEARS into prophethood) and then the marriages were ordained for the Prophet Sallaahu alayhiwassalam in the remaining 10 years or so of his life as he remained single for a while after the death of Khadijah RadhiAllaahu anha (approx 3 years?) There is even the verse in the Qur'an that tells the Prophet Sallaahu alayhiwassalam where there are no more marriages for him after the ones he'd married. Where in the seerah do we find any explanation of what brothers try to justify today? Yes in fiqh/islamic jurisprudence these rulings are 'available', because Islamic jurisprudence deals with just that, every possible scenario, but they are 'options' not grounded rulings.. yes they are part of Islaam but ethically and morally men have an obligation towards women too. Where did the Prophet Sallaahu alayhiwassalam or any sahaba HIDE a MARRIAGE from their wives? Not the sexual relations with bondswomen like the examples of Ali RadhiAllaahu anhu or the Mariya Kipti ones, but WIVES. It's also important to understand that there were no binding obligations to bondswomen. But to wives there ARE binding obligations, the nikkah is a contract, a responsibility before Allaah and ofcourse all the other responsibilities that spouses have towards each other. That's what really got to me that by the end of the 47 minutes I've listened to so far, marriage, which is so sacred, so beautiful, was watered down to just about sexual intimacy. Where is the Rahmah, muwaddah and sakinah, the purposes of marriage.. Anyway. Allaah knows best.

Like the French sister said, I wish you would have talked about the practical details of a secret second wife. It is one thing in theory, but another thing in practice. Like, I cant see it staying a secret for too long. And is it halal to not let your kids see their half siblings or even know that they exist? That's a crucial question. That being said, Hijabs fiqh contribution is a great part of the discussion.

I disagree. Men are not polygamous by nature. That is just a social construction. Neither are women monogamous by nature. Just be aware there are cultures in this world where women marry multiple men.

To the women who are single and are opposed to the husband marrying again... you are allowed to add conditions to your nikkah where you can state "I will only get married if he does not marry anyone else after this marriage (during our marriage).

I can't suffer the trauma of my husband marrying a second wife. I think it's better to go through life alone and not get married than deal with all this.

I'm going to be honest, this is just comedy.

As a woman, I would never take offence if my spouse asked me to place my family above my emotions when I get "hormonal". Ali sounds somewhat uneducated in this matter and he's trying to equate female needs to male animalistic nature. Having multiple wives is not something that's recommended, so stop trying to popularize it.

May I also remind us of the famous Quaranic verse "and we created you in pairs".. it doesnt say we created you as pairs with the same man

Great video, so thank you for it! But, the audio needs to be A LOT better for those that are in the back ground as they can barely be heard without breaking of the audio coming through. Insha'Allah better audio for the next video

Definitely need a part 2. And need MH on it to keep with Quran/sunnah and not go round circles debating emotions/feelings

Dealing with one wife is difficult enough let alone more than one 😂 the brothers are getting confused with lust and marriage

If a sister is a believer and you trust her then I believe she deserves to know so she can make her own decision because regardless she will have to go through a process a man can change if he has a new relationship so it can still cause an effect

If someone is happy with his current wife, why would he want to get married with another one! Realistically, it's very difficult to maintain two households.

I don’t understand this point of view that Ali will not stop about where a man’s wish or desire is all important/ all encompassing and out of his own control. There are plenty desires/ temptations that Allah placed within a human being which we have to manage and control. Just because most men would want more than one woman is not the start and end of the discussion.

This is the most comprehensive, understandable, well-presented historical spy site overview I have heard from any online agency. I have subscribed to and shared your channel with friends around the world. Whoever created *usespy online* that particular spy site deserves the highest of journalistic accolades. Bravo!